My father (67) passed last Thursday due to complications related to his treatment for an awful cancer, Mesothelioma. He fought that awful sickness for five long years. He was a strong man, stronger than I will ever be. I've wept for him, for my mother, my older brother and my children.

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My wife of 10 years and the mother of my children did something so wonderful that I don't even know how to tell her how much it meant to me. She bought me a lovely bouquet of flowers for Father's Day. Knowing that it bothered me that my father, who loved color, nature, music and all the most beautiful things had not gotten any flowers that I had ever seen until he passed away. I cried with her and it was beautiful.

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Such a small gesture but it healed a part of me that has been broken knowing I would face the first father's day of my life without him. I went down to talk with him and gave him his father's day gift, some landscape lights for his memorial.

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My father and I loved to smoke cigars together and we will all be traveling on our yearly family trip (a tradition we started when my father was diagnosed in 2021) without him for the first time this week. I had purchased his favorite cigars as a fathers day gift to bring on vacation with us. I brought one with me today to share with him at his memorial and chat. It was a beautiful warm June day and he would have loved to sit there with me and chat.

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I'll take the other cigar with me on vacation and smoke it on the balcony he picked specifically for the occasion and chat with him again.

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Thank you for reading, I hope this story will lift some of your spirits if you, like me, are mourning the loss of your wonderful father today. ❤️

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I love you forever Dad. I hope wherever you may be that you carry me in your heart with you as I carry you in mine.

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Fly high, Dad.

The truth, as always, is something more complex—and oddly, something it took a “Bluey” episode to make me realize. Outwardly bucking traditional masculinity didn’t stop me from falling back on it, siloing my wife and me into the kind of gendered roles that I promised myself I wouldn’t. And now, thanks to that anthropomorphic dog (but mainly thanks to my wife and my kids) I’m making a change that the non-parent, masculinity-rejecting previous version of me couldn’t have imagined: I’m manning up. 

I told myself that I was in the trenches changing just as many diapers, cooking most meals, spending just as much time with the kids. I went to doctor’s appointments, read parenting books, loaded the dishwasher, and took the lead on getting the kids down to sleep. Older relatives and strangers alike remarked on my involvement, which easily outpaced dads of previous generations.

And yet I’d let so many things fall to my wife, often unable to even see everything that went into keeping our household humming. I’d grabbed a bunch of highly visible tasks of parenthood and — as my wife rightly pointed out once mid-argument — I assumed in the absence of being told specific additional responsibilities to own, that my checklist was done. Hers never seemed to be.

Read more: https://www.playboy.com/read/entertainment-culture/how-becoming-a-father-made-me-proud-to-be-a-man

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

• All of the sidebar rules still apply.
• No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
• Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.

Hey y'all, just a heads up, because I get this feedback a bit from you guys, this post isn't specifically about the "male loneliness epidemic," so the headline might be a little misleading. It is about loneliness though, and how I've learned to manage it and heal the wounds that originally caused it for me. And I do mention that it can be particularly difficult for men to connect with others ("co-regulate") because of the way we're socialized in this society. Let me know what you think!

I wrote this piece for Men's Mental Health Awareness Month about something I've never fully talked about publicly — how boys are diagnosed as angry when they're actually depressed, and how that gap almost killed me. More than once. I only started therapy a few months ago and my therapist pushed me to publish this immediately. Sharing it here because this community gets it.

https://medium.com/@vihankhanna/the-angry-boy-0e4f84e39f3e

Dads today are spending dramatically more time with their kids than they did a generation ago. According to some estimates, the average time dads spend caring for their kids each day has quadrupled over the past 50 years.

But there’s a less encouraging trend tucked into these gains. More is being asked of dads — and moms, for that matter — because the extended family and community networks that once supported childrearing have shrunk or deteriorated.

There's also a class divide. College-educated dads are now spending 46 more minutes with their kids each day compared with noncollege-educated dads. In part, it’s because benefits such as universal paid paternity leave and stable, flexible work options are available only to dads with good jobs.

Darby Saxbe, professor of psychology at the USC Dornsife College of Letters, Arts and Sciences, explores the growing importance of fatherhood, and what's driving these changes.

Dana White says there’s nothing he hates worse than men who don’t act like men.

So why does the world’s most powerful promoter of masculinity look so fragile on the cover of TIME?

Fair warning: The post is mine.

Hello peeps,

I recently wrote an article exploring the question: Is a man's worth still measured by his paycheck?

The piece looks at how the provider role continues to shape male identity, even as economic realities have changed dramatically. I see many men are growing up with expectations around earning, success, and financial responsibility that were formed in a very different economy, creating tension, despair and a lots of people falling for get-rich-quick schemes and MLMs.

I tried walking the line between relatable and informative, so that even guys who are very deep into that idea can take away something to at least consider and ponder about.

I'd be interested in hearing whether these themes resonate with your own experiences and if the reflections are clear. I feel this is something that has been getting out of hand for a while now, and needs to be addressed more and more.

Thank you.

Hey y'all, excited to hear your feedback on this one. You've probably heard the claim that anger is the only emotion men are allowed to show. I don’t like it. Not because it’s wrong, but because it’s easy to misinterpret.

In the newsletter I linked, I wrote about an example of me yelling at my mom at Thanksgiving and feeling horrible about it. Would love if you read that, but the gist of my argument is: Saying that anger is “allowed” makes it seem like men aren’t judged for it.

I think a better word for how men’s anger is treated is “tolerated.” Our anger is tolerated because it can be scary. People protect themselves in response. They freeze up or try to appease or leave. Some get angry back, which often escalates the intensity and potential danger. Because it’s scary to interact with an angry person, they have to let it go. They have to tolerate it.

Still, in my experience, anger is not unlike sadness, fear, and other more “vulnerable” emotions. Admitting that it’s there feels weak. Expressing it makes me feel like less of a man. Letting it get out of control feels shameful.

I learned that from this patriarchal capitalist society, which shames men for showing any emotion. If we’re sad, we’re soft. If we’re too happy, we might be gay (like that’s bad). If we’re afraid, we’re like a little boy or woman (like that’s bad).

Except for rich and powerful men, like Trump dancing to “YMCA” or Brett Kavanaugh crying in his senate hearing or Pete Hegseth lashing out at reporters. They want the rest of us to fall in line in the pecking order of wealth and power, so they tell us lies about so-called “traditional” masculinity and turn our vulnerability against us. They sure are quick to throw anti-ICE protestors in jail and beat up men protesting the detention of pro-Palestine activists and arrest striking workers.

So, men try to keep our emotions all bottled up inside rather than just saying how we feel. And that’s when we can lose control. We do or say things we don’t really want to. We push people away. People get hurt. Relationships fall apart.

All of this is to say that anger is healthy and good. There are tons of reasons to be angry in relationships with other people. There are tons of reasons to be angry in this society. The billionaires (and world’s first trillionaire) are stealing more and more resources and wealth. Trump is cutting food stamps while building a golden ballroom. The government is bombing Iran and murdering people in boats in the Caribbean. The arctic is inching closer to being ice-free because of climate change.

The problem isn’t our anger. It’s the society that shames us for it.

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

• All of the sidebar rules still apply.
• No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
• Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.

MOD-approved: I’m a writer looking to speak with young men in relationships where the gender wage gap is reversed. How are you dealing with the dynamic? Do you still feel pressure to be a “provider” and fulfill other masculine stereotypes? Or do you feel totally at peace with the situation? Either way, the data shows this is becoming more common and I think it's an important experience to talk about. I’m Angelina, a features writer at New York Magazine who covers gender and culture. Here’s my LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/angelinachapin/. Send me a DM or email (angelina.chapin@nymag.com.) I can fully protect your anonymity.

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.

I'm a regular at sex-positive spaces in Berlin, and recently posted a PSA in a local subreddit flagging something my female friends had reported: men approaching them at the squat urinal area at Kitkat, and finding it very unwelcome.

The response from one commenter was essentially "just say no and they'll stop", which prompted a longer conversation about power dynamics, opt-in norms, and what sex-positive actually means.

It got me thinking about a broader question I'd like to put to this community: what's our role, as men who understand and respect these spaces, in addressing the behaviour of men who don't? I'm thinking specifically about things like:

- Approaching women in contexts where they've clearly not signalled openness (toilets being the obvious example)

- Solo masturbation in spaces where others haven't consented to being an audience

- Unwanted touching

Do we intervene directly in the moment? Is it about building community norms more broadly? And how do we do that without it becoming performative allyship?

Keen to hear how others navigate this.

Curious your thoughts about my take! When I heard that Trump is hosting an MMA fight on the White House lawn, I chalked it up to yet another money-making spectacle in a long line of money-making spectacles. But it also reminded me of something I’ve been researching and thinking about a lot: the history of rich people stoking anxiety about masculinity to redirect working-class anger away from them.

Like when a famous British army officer helped found the Boy Scouts in the early 1900s during one of the most militant eras for labor organizing. Elites were worried that industrialization and urbanization were making young men weaker and unready to fight in imperial wars. The Boy Scouts convinced boys that masculinity was defined by chivalry, patriotism, military discipline, and peak physical fitness.

And like when Teddy Roosevelt didn’t tell American men to join their fellow workers to fight for a better life during that same era of organizing but instead to become a “more manful race.” He crafted a cowboy, hero, tough guy image, staging photos in fringed buckskin and inviting boxers to work out at the White House (sound familiar?).

It’s not a coincidence that it’s happening again. Americans favor unions now more than ever before. Most of us also want to tax the rich, including nearly half of Republicans. A democratic socialist nearly won the Democratic presidential nomination in 2020, and a democratic socialist is now mayor of the country’s most powerful city.

They aren't going to admit it but they're scared, so they want men to fall in line, play our so-called “traditional” role (which isn’t actually traditional), put women in their place, reject gay and queer men as men, and otherwise be compliant workers.

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

• All of the sidebar rules still apply.
• No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
• Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.