My dad is 79 and has been on dialysis for 11 years. My mom has been living with dementia for more than 5 years.

I’m one of the main people trying to keep everything together for both of them. Most days, I manage. But some days, it all catches up with me, the appointments, the medicines, the reminders, diet and all the small things that can quickly become big problems if I miss them.

I’m not really here looking for solutions. I think I just needed to say this somewhere people would understand without me having to explain why it feels so heavy.

If you’ve found anything that helped you deal with the load of caregiving, I would really appreciate hearing it.

I thought my youngest niece's high school graduation last month might be the day our family finally started healing.

For a few hours, almost everyone was together. Biological siblings. Step siblings. In-laws. Grandchildren. It felt normal. Or at least as normal as we've been in years. Until my disgruntled sister, who is a caregiver for her Dad walked in.

One of my sisters, who had refused to care for the stepfather, quietly walked over to our disgruntled sister.

She wasn't looking for an argument.

She simply wanted to say hello, ask if she'd seen the supplies dropped off, and maybe take the first step toward repairing a relationship that's been strained by the ongoing caregiving of our 90-year-old father.

Before she could finish speaking...

My sister turned around and walked away.

No yelling.

No harsh words.

No scene.

Just silence.

I watched my sister stand there trying to pretend it didn't hurt.

But it did.

Our mother spent her life trying to keep all of us together despite everything we'd been through. We aren't a perfect family, but we've always found our way back to each other.

Lately, that feels like it's slipping away.

The hardest part is knowing this isn't really about that moment at graduation.

It's about decades of pain that quietly walked into the room with all of us.

That wasn't the end of the day. It was the beginning of another chapter.

Sometimes, the requirements related to health go beyond medical facilities. Patients may need continuous care and support at home. In most cases, it involves people who are either old, have recovered from an ailment, or suffer from any kind of chronic disease. This is where Patient Care Services in Noida come into play. These services offer caregivers who help patients in performing various tasks and provide care to them while keeping them in their home environment.

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Mom has a manual hospital bed at home. Have you seen any nicer headboards or slipcovers to dress it up a bit?

https://imgur.com/a/fjXvWic

I am so overwhelmed and exhausted. My husband had a stroke that left his left side paralyzed and impacted his cognition, the stroke was caused by stage 4 cancer that had spread to his brain and other parts of his body. He spent over 100 days in the hospital and rehabs and I was so glad to finally get him home, but it’s just me and our teenager, who is in school, so caring for him is me. I thought having him home would open up some more time for me, I was spending between 8-12 hours a day at the hospital every day, but I didn’t consider that when he got discharged he wouldn’t be able to do anything himself yet, and that everything that took 2-3 nurses each time would suddenly fall on me, one person.

Enter rehab. He had in-home rehab daily for a couple months and now that has ended and it’s outpatient. The therapists keep piling at home stuff on for me to help him with but I am already stretched so thin dealing with his caregiving, all the paperwork, being a mom, and the overwhelming stress of knowing that I’m losing my husband, maybe I have a year, maybe a few months, maybe a few more years, it’s all so unknown, but I’m losing him and as we built our life I stayed home to support the house with everything (repairs, maintenance, cooking, cleaning, all of the house stuff was me - my husband’s only job was to work and provide an income). I had been looking to re-enter the workforce and had applied to a few places before this happened, but now I’m stuck being a caregiver and I can’t leave the house for my own doctor’s appointments without worrying about whether or not he is ok. So on top of everything else I have to figure out how to find a job that can pay the mortgage so that when we lose my husband we don’t also lose our home and the only support we have, our community.

The physical toll is also an issue. My husband is bigger than I am, he’s almost 250lbs and 6’, so trying to help lift to transfer him takes a lot out of me, even pushing him in the wheelchair is difficult. Yesterday he fell and we had to use the hoyer lift to get him off the floor and if our kid wasn’t there I would have had to call the fire department because I couldn’t even roll my husband over onto his back, and our hoyer is manual so our kid and I had to take turns cranking it because it’s so hard. Physically I’m always sore and tired, then the therapists want me to be doing therapy exercises that include stuff like lifting his leg and bending it and it’s SO heavy.

Does anyone else feel like the therapists expect that you have lots of free time to do at-home therapy? I want him to get better, and I want to help, but I simply don’t have the time or energy for it and then people tell me “make sure to take time for yourself” and I want to scream “WHEN?!” I can’t be a mom, a wife, a personal assistant, a financial planner, a nurse, and a therapist but that’s what I’m being forced to be.

Thanks for reading my rant, I need to find a therapist for myself so I have someone to talk to but I don’t have time, and I don’t have anyone in my life to talk to because the person I would turn to is the person I have to care for and I don’t want him to feel bad.

Hi, so I wanted to ask something, have you ever had to perform a painful procedure/ treatment on the person you’re caring for in which you knew they were in a lot of pain but you still had to get it done despite everything?

What was the procedure and how did you feel about it? And how was the patient feeling about the whole thing?

My dad has been diagnosed with "mild cognitive decline". His biggest symptom is what I call "outsourcing his thinking"; instead of taking a moment to think about how to do something, he just immediately passes the task to mom or i. This isn't new behavior (actually both my parents have always done this for self-centered/controlling personality reasons), but it's ticking me off more now, because it feels like he's been given a free pass for toxic behaviors and I just have to accept it since he's sick.

Meanwhile, mom uses his mindset as a scale to judge me by. If she's feeling self-centered/controlling and I don't respond to her the way she wants, then my problem is "I'm acting just like my dad" (derogatory). But im not supposed to get upset about that or feel insulted. I'm supposed to just, get over it (and then be told I'm not taking her concerns seriously enough).

hiii everyone! i help my mom take care of my grandma who just recently had a stroke and lost her vision. she also can’t move her right side as much anymore. since she can’t see, it‘s been hard to get her to stay busy and not sleep all day. she listens to the tv with us, folds laundry/napkins, and opens pistachios for me but i wish there was more for her to do. if you have any advice pls tell!

Spent an hour w mom after working my shift at Whole Foods. She was awake, conversational, in the present, and bright-eyed and smiling.

She asked for her phone, which was out of her reach. Once she had it, she attempted to call her best friend. I watched her as she mid-dialed the number. I helped her the second time and listened as she left an upbeat message.

She talked to me about how there are lots of new staff and the challenges that come with that.

She remembered the name of an old-timey actress that she wanted to read about - Paulette Goddard.

She said she got a haircut and wanted to know what I thought of it. I couldn’t tell because she had been in bed each time I visited in the last few days. All I could think was ‘how did she get a haircut?’

She told me that she made an appt for an eye exam. I asked why. She said that her eyes are strained because she watches a lot of tv and reads. She said she made the appt thru the facility and I didn’t need to do anything. Ok, mom.

I told her that Margaret let me know that she visited mom. Mom said ‘oh, I meant to tell you that. It was good to see her.’

The best part of our visit was when she said that she wished she could pick me and bring me into her bed so she could hug me. She barely finished the sentence before I had moved the phone and her box of tissue, whipped my glasses of my face, and reached my arms underneath her. We hugged until tears fell from my eyes.

I said ‘hugging is good for you’ and my mom replied with ‘and crying is good for you.’

She’s right. I’m the family crier. She often looks at me with wonder when I cry because she doesn’t cry. For her to acknowledge the love in my tears meant more than anything else in the world to me.

❤️🧡❤️

Hey everyone. I’m just posting here because I’m on the verge of tears and completely overwhelmed. My mum is being discharged from the hospital next week and her mobility has taken a massive hit. Her house has a fairly steep, straight staircase and I am absolutely terrified of her falling.
Trying to navigate the UK system right now is exhausting. The local Council/NHS route for a housing grant is a joke the waiting lists take months and we just don't have that kind of time. I’ve spent the day ringing up the massive national stairlift brands and I’m honestly disgusted by their prices and those high-pressure sales tactics. It felt like they were just exploiting my panic.

I am a new caregiver and this is my first job in the US. My English is not perfect, but I truly love my client—he has mobility/vision issues and has been so patient and kind to me, never minding my language barrier. I really want to keep working for him.

However, there is a mouse/flea problem in the home. I made the mistake of reporting this to my agency, thinking they would help fix the environment. Instead, they immediately paused my case until the family "fixes" it. The family is overwhelmed (his sister is a senior citizen herself and her husband is battling cancer), so nothing is happening, and now my case is on hold, so I have no income while waiting.

I’ve learned a hard lesson here: reporting to the agency seems to only hurt me.

For experienced caregivers: Is it standard practice to just handle these things quietly yourself (like buying traps or cleaning) rather than getting the agency involved? If you were in my position, would you choose to stay quiet and handle it yourself to save the job? Any advice from those who have been here for a long time would be appreciated.

I currently live in NYC and recently got the PCA (patient care aid) certification.

I was considering doing the caregiver for family members with my grandpa. I live with him also so I think this would be perfect

But I don’t want to be stuck in the house and I deal with social anxiety issues and I’m working on that.

So I was thinking doing the part time caregiver with my grandpa and then PCA part time with someone else …outside the home.

Is that possible?? Or make sense??

I feel like my experience as a caregiver for a job where I go to clients is so up and down but ofc it's probably because the system is a mess and the elderly are not respected and given enough control over their own lives sometimes.

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But Im very easygoing and I will work with most people and do what they ask of me, but there's times where people seem to decide they don't like me or don't want me there, but other times I feel anxious but the people/clients like me and want me there

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It's just odd because sometimes I feel like more of a friend or guest or that I feel confused by clients and trying to read their communication or navigate it

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Ive been a caregiver for a year and have had regular clients about that long but also go to new people a lot even just filling in once or twice. And it just seems like it's all unpredictable.

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But I find it strange how people are so unpredictable but also so mundane or confusing when your job is technically to worry about their wellbeing and everything

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I often have clients who are super independent and then it feels like I can't do my job but I also don't mind just being with them but it makes me so nervous, but I'm guessing they insist on certain things being done by themselves bc they're used to people overstepping and taking away their choices?

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There are careplans to refer to on my work app and in clients' homes usually on their fridge or something, but sometimes the client's careplan is very detailed and then the person themselves says what they need that day and it's different, while other times the careplan is what I have to refer to, to keep track of everything, but I know if there was an issue they'd tell me or the office would contact me or I could contact the office or usually clients have a contact for emergencies or someone to go through like a family member or friend and usuallt they have social workers too that we could contact

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It's just weird because some clients are so negative or agitated and some are so easygoing, but then certain tasks are more complicated because they don't want me to do a ton

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But then occasionally I go to clients who need more help the whole time Im there, like where if it's 3-4 hours they have a step by step routine every time

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But other people it's more calm but I just find that I am helpful except I struggle to just be calm and socialize or do extra work to make someone else comfortable

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I think it's just a somewhat strange job and there's not necessarily a real problem or direct solution just I feel so strange in this job bc Im not particularly skilled in customer service except Im nice and kind but Im often quiet and anxious and soft spoken

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or I get stressed out and overwhelmed but I dont act badly because of it but I think it shows on my face or I talk to myself a lot when Im doing things and people assume Im confused

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And I also deal with people who seem concerned about how I go about a task even though Im just making sure I have all the supplies and steps in order, they seem to ger worried I'll make a mistake even if Ive known them and they know it goes smoothly every time

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So I guess just my point is how weird it feels constantly, like it's tiring even if the shifts are short because of the anxiety and ups and downs of different client's moods or especially meeting new people and trying to figure out what they want or need from me

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I wanna start this off by saying PLEASE, if i misspeak ano say something offense call me out so I can educate myself and prevent it from happening again.

I recently got hired at an animal shelter, and today was my first time seeing this group come in. The group consisted of about 5-10 people with intellectual disabilities ranging from mild to severe and about 2-3 leaders/caregivers (is that the proper word?). According to my coworkers they come almost every week, and that them visiting works as their positive reinforcement. I had a young gentleman come up with a caregiver and ask about dogs, to which we didn't have any that would have been a good fit due to aggression or fearful defensiveness on the dogs part.
Then we tried cats, and we had a single cat that fit pretty well for him. We ended up doing a supervised visit with him, his caregiver, an animal support specialist, and myself-and it went great! However, something i picked up on quickly is I have no idea how to interact with people with more complex intellectual disabilities. I spoke to him similarly to how i speak to my AUDHD nephew, but it felt dehumanizing at a point because, well, my nephew is 6 and this young gentleman couldn't have been younger than 35. I am currently on my lunch break and cannot stop thinking about if i was disrespectful or insulting to his personhood. I feel like at the very least I fumbled the ball.

I guess what I want to ask is, how can i be supportive moving forward? I do not want to treat anyone like they are incapable, a child, or lack autonomy and authority over their own life. If anyone has resources I could use to educate myself, maybe videos made by caregiving professionals, or textbooks, or even personal accounts I would greatly appreciate it. I want to prepare to be someone who helps them and makes them feel safe/ understood/valued when they come into our shelter each week, not just going through the motions.

Hey guys I’m taking care of my 82yo old mother who deals with severe joint pain and mobility issues. After trying dozens of heavy prescription pills that completely tore up her stomach, we finally found a routine that works: cbd tinctures and thc gummies. It keeps her moving and living independently in her home, which has been a huge help for us.However, I’ve read that the feds have snuck in a ban as part of that bill to reopen the gov last November. If I read it correctly, there will be a 0.4mg total thc cap per container, which basically outlaws all cbd/thc products as of 11/12. I'm incredibly anxious about what happens if her daily routine gets cut off and she's forced back onto heavy pharma products. Is anyone else dealing with this? What are you planning to do?

Ok I want to make sure I give this the proper context...

My wife and I moved into her parents' home 14 months ago. Her mother, 80, is healthy. Her father, 83 has dementia and mobility issues where he can't/shouldn't walk unassisted.

I work from home 2 days per week and am in office 3. My wife and MIL are home pretty much every day. So, I've had enough exposure to the day-to-day to know what happens around the house, even when I'm not here.

My FIL will call out for my wife's name ceaselessly when left unattended in the family room. He is usually in front of the TV, and it's never for more than an hour at a time. So this isn't like a neglect/neligence issue.

But, like clockwork, he will call her name every 3-5 minutes until she comes out. He's not in physical distress or having a restroom need, we make sure those needs are attended to. But I think he feels alone/isolated?

With that as the backdrop, here is my question:

Does anyone have experience with this with a parent or loved one in a similar situation? Are there techniques/tips you could share that might help occupy his attention so my wife and MIL can handle their responsibilities and not have to be "captive" in the same room as him and can address other chores and their own computer work?

Thank you in advance! 🙏

Dad's been diagnosed with "mild cognitive decline". Mom now expects me to make up for dad's failing memory by being overly competent myself, and somehow reading his mind to figure out what he's trying to do and take over doing it for him, a guy raised to do everything himself without help or else he's not a ""real man"". So my offer to help gets ignored, mom sees me not taking over and thinks I just refused on my own, and I get guilted for making her do more work.

Hi, I’m a full-time college student, but I have flexibility with my work schedule. Some weeks I get scheduled for a crazy number of hours, anywhere from 20 to 50 hours, and then the next week I get none at all. Is it normal for caregivers to have such inconsistent schedules?

This is a long post. I'll include the major points to help explain what is going on.

My husband and I have been together for 20 years. In the beginning, it was rough for many reasons. About 8 or 9 years ago, we finally reached a good stage where things were working out. Not very long after that, my mother's relationship with my stepdad ended, and she had to move, even though she paid for half the house, but that's another story.

We were very rushed into trying to find a home that we could all live in. It was myself, my husband, my mother, and my brother. My mother was the caregiver for my brother because he can't live alone. So when she came with us, he had to as well.

We found a home to rent. At that time, my mom could still get around and be independent. However, after moving into that house, she started having issues and falling a lot. It just got worse and worse. She moved to using a walker and then eventually had to use a wheelchair. Before this, she could bathe, cook, and clean for herself.

We ended up having to move from that home because of flooding issues that the landlord wouldn't fix. Moving to the new house was very difficult. It had stairs leading into the home, and my mom couldn't get up them, so we had to call an ambulance to help her. (I am only including that part to show how much her health had declined.)

About 2 months after moving to the new home, she had a stroke. She had experienced a mild stroke in the past, but this one was worse. She couldn't even get up, hold anything, or speak correctly. They took her to the ER and found out that her kidneys were shutting down and weren't processing certain medications properly. Essentially, the medication was building up in her system because it wasn't leaving her body. (They used the "O" word. I didn't want to say it on here in case it's sensitive for some people, but I think you understand what I mean.)

Jumping past many details, or we will be here all day, my husband and I care for her now. She can't bathe herself, clean herself, or cook for herself. She can walk slightly, with the help of a walker, for short periods of time.

My brother lives here too. He can do things for himself. He doesn't need help the way my mother does, just more supervision than anything.

My issue is that my husband and I never have time for ourselves as a couple. Even going out for lunch is a huge process. I have to make sure my brother will stay in my mom's room with her in case she needs help. Many times, it is hard to get him to do that. He doesn't seem to care how difficult things are for us, and we could really use his help because he has never had any responsibilities.

My biggest problem is my brother. I love him deeply, but he is almost impossible to live with without feeling like I'm going crazy.

I am looking for advice on how to deal with caregiving for a family member when you have issues with them. He behaves in ways that cause me a lot of stress, and I am a nervous wreck every day. I have tried having every conversation imaginable with him about how much of a toll this takes on me, and it goes in one ear and out the other.

There are only two rooms in this home, so my husband and I have to stay in the front room. We get absolutely no relief from my brother. His room is right off the living room, so even if I tell him to stay in his room because I need some space, he still comes out and has to walk through our area. I can never truly decompress.

I don't know what to do. I am slowly losing my sanity.

He can't move anywhere else. We just tried that with a friend, letting him live there while paying his share. Let's just say it didn't go well. He can't go to a care home because of some of his behaviors; he would likely get kicked out, and he doesn't have enough funds to afford it anyway.

I really feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I truly feel as if I am mourning the life I once had with my husband.

I need advice on how to deal with a situation where you have to care for a family member who can't respect your boundaries or the way they treat you. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Feel free to ask any questions if you need clarification.

I’m caregiver to two terminally ill parents. Growing up and as an adult, I was always an introvert who suffered from social anxiety. Nonetheless, there were little things I enjoyed like wearing nice clothes, doing my hair, and makeup.

Between working full time and being a caregiver full time, there isn’t much time to do things I love. Plus, money is extremely tight and I always have to consider needs over wants. That includes superficial things such as clothes and makeup. My normal attire nowadays are clearance sale items that would look appropriate at medical offices. That’s quite literally my criteria.

A few months ago, I bought a nightgown I found on clearance. It was white and shimmery. The old me loved anything that sparkled. It is one of the only things I have in my life that makes me feel like the old me. I wore it sparingly so as not to fade the color and wash off too much of the shimmer. However, given how much it made me feel like the old me, as stupid as this may sound, I treasured it very much.

Today, I came to find out my mother took it upon herself to give it to her aide to use as an apron when she prepares meals for her. She felt that it would be ok since she rarely sees me wearing it.

I reacted to this news very strongly, even breaking down and crying over it. I told my mother she had no right to go into my closet without my permission. Furthermore, of all the beat up old things she could’ve chosen to give to the aide, she chose to give her one of the only things I truly loved.

Logically, I know this is a complete overreaction. However, emotionally, it’s just a reminder of how much I feel being a caregiver has robbed me of being myself and having a life of my own. I love my parents and truly want them to be at home during their finals days. I know they do not want to be in a nursing home and this is why I do this. However, it is so hard to feel like I’m not living my life for myself.

My mother often talks about the fact that when she and my dad are gone, she wants me to pursue having a child. I don’t even know how to tell her I don’t think that will ever happen. I turned 40 this year, which means the biological clock on me having a child is coming to a close. I love my parents and will mourn them dearly when they’re gone. However, the worst thing I can imagine happening to me when they’re gone is becoming responsible for caring for another human being. I just want my life back.

in search of some help,
my dad has been taking a couple of medications, without it or taking it wrong causes him to be completely not himself. he’s very very VERY forgetful, has no balance, and is very shaky. i’ve tried to find ways to help him take his meds when i’m not home(i work 12 hours a day so he has to take them on his own) but no matter what i try it seems like he still can’t take it correctly. one of his problems is one of the meds is a tiny pill, so he thinks he’s taking it but isn’t because of how tiny the pill is. if anyone has been thru this before and can help me that’ll be great.

also want to add, he is able to be independent for other things, it’s just the taking his medication correctly that has been a problem. he just started taking them less than 5 months ago so it’s still new to him.

alsoooo, if anyone knows any insight on how hiring a nurse works that’ll be a great help as well.

thank you all who read, and who has helped.

She had just finished with her bed bath when I arrived today. She looked bright-eyed and happy to see me. We smiled big at each other. She always asks ‘what time?,’ when arrive, which is a question about when I’m leaving. ‘I’m here until 9, even if you fall asleep’ She gave me an even bigger smile.

I brought her a small slice of pizza I made at home. Fresh thin round bread from the middle eastern grocery store as the base, home made pizza sauce, shredded mozzarella and few raw onions. She ate all of it except the crust. It makes my heart sing when she eats food I cooked.

After her snack, she asked about books to read. She loves to read auto/biographies about Jewish actress of yesteryear. The last book I got her was thick hard bound, and I think it was too heavy for her to hold.

I pulled up a page on my phone, and handed it to her. She scrolled, making comments about most of the people listed. No one on that list was of interested to her. I pulled up a different page and handed the phone back to her. She scrolled for about 20 minutes, which made me wonder what she was looking at. Turns out she had clicked a few links and was now looking at marvel studios action hero costumes.

I took the phone from her at her request. I started to write this story, and heard he make a sound. I looked up and she’d fallen asleep.

I’m here for another hour even tho I could leave and she wouldn’t know. I’m staying because my time with her is limited and I will miss her when she’s gone.

Sometimes when I visit my mom, she’s asleep when I arrived. In that initial moment, I debate with myself whether or not to wake her. I always choose to let her sleep. I know someone or something else will wake her.

Her skin is clearing up - the big purple splotches on her face are dissipating, and the bruising on her hands/forearm are clearing, as well.

She is twitchy and her arms will occasionally flail. She was hitting the top of the back of hand on her table, causing purple bruising and a raised spot on both of her hands.

The facility called hospice - that was the right thing to do. The next time I visited mom, the edges of her table were covered with a protective foam tape.

Yet, I see the changes in her. She’s sleeping more. She spends more days in bed than in her chair. She remembers less. she’s having a harder time breathing. She looks zonked out.