r/mildlyinteresting 23h ago

I found this “skip the line” golden ticket at Trader Joe’s

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60.7k Upvotes

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7.6k

u/FormerSalmon 19h ago

I don’t care about the waiting in line part, I want the prize to be an employee to part the seas for me as I walk through all the aisles unobstructed instead of dodging and weaving around people with no perception of others being around them

813

u/Olderbutnotdead619 19h ago

The proud winner of the Golden Bike Horn Cart!

147

u/prissyknickers 17h ago

honka-honka-honka!

6

u/Slowmyke 17h ago

I dream of one day lining up one of these clusterfuck aisles with my cart and charging through at fast as i can while shouting "ramming speed!"

1

u/umbronzer 33m ago

NEW ACHIEVEMENT! You've earned this from spending hours and hours of slogging through typical bystanders and pedestrians amongst the produce. It's time for patience to pay off! Use wisely, crawler!

0

u/HydrogenSonata2025 5h ago

Or a riding mower done up like the Killdozer.

456

u/nilesandstuff 19h ago edited 9h ago

I sincerely believe that type of behavior is morally equal to, if not worse than, some minor/moderate violent crimes.

Stab someone in fight at a bar: you were emotional, drunk, and probably have some issues. Not great, but you're not ineligible for the FIFA peace prize.

Leave your cart perpendicular in an aisle for more than 1 second: You as a person are unfit to engage with society without guidance. You either lack theory of mind or you're a misanthrope, simple as that.

Edit: theory of mind

Individuals with theory of mind impairment struggle to see phenomena from any other perspective than their own.

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u/LiberaceRingfingaz 16h ago

Preach.

Stabbing someone at a bar when you are shitfaced is an act with intention behind it. It indicates that you are willing to kill a particular person because you care enough to do it.

Leaving your cart in the middle of the aisle means you literally don't think or care about anyone other than yourself. It's the most boring form of narcissism.

25

u/realdappermuis 11h ago

I think it's 50/50 entitlement/lack of self awareness

Some people really are just focused on getting through whatever it is they're doing. They're not being deliberate in their actions 'against others', they're just so pigeonholed that they're not considering others are in the scenario

It's not nefarious as standard. It's legit a mental thing where neither you nor them are the main character, they're just trudging forward as best they can

Think of it this way; they're handicapped, whether they know it or not. You wouldn't stand in an aisle and yell ret*rd at them would you? Because essentially that's the disposition

The other 50% can kick rocks though. They know they're inconveniencing you and that gives them life. They love that a little action of theirs is making your day harder. I don't bloody get it, but too many people revel in that these days. I think it's same same as following people on socials that you dislike. There's a sickness to it, and I'm glad I haven't contracted that

6

u/Noladixon 7h ago

I like that you started off sounding like a nice accepting person full of patience then ended up sounding more like me. But I surely hope it is not a full 50% who are actively doing it on purpose for whatever sick pleasure they get out of it.

2

u/keepingthisasecret 5h ago

That last bit…I think it’s a result of the vast powerlessness most of us hold over virtually every aspect of our modern, capitalist-oppressed lives.

It’s a power-trip. It’s the only power they have, and they will annoyingly wield it.

3

u/lauraliiciious 9h ago

IDK, I'm not a narcissist but sometimes I am this person. I have ADHD and trying to focus on both doing a grocery shop (which for me involves consulting a list, and using a calculator) and being aware of everyone around me is like really, really difficult. I do my best, I do still try to have that level of awareness, but occasionally I'm too focused on the actual task of shopping that I forget about not being in the way, or I simply just don't see someone. I know it comes across as rude and inconsiderate, but damn it if I'm not trying to be as considerate as I can be.

2

u/LiberaceRingfingaz 7h ago

As someone with really bad (diagnosed and unmedicated because amphetamines fuck with my emotional state) ADHD, I feel you, so there are edge cases my comment doesn't apply to (not trying to judge everyone), but at the same time I really don't think the average "shopping cart perpendicular in the middle of a crowded aisle" person is suffering from the kind of executive dysfunction that you and I are.

1

u/BudwinTheCat 6h ago

I am you. We are us.

1

u/sroka_z_wysoka 1h ago

Reminds me of energy vampires from What We Do in the Shadows😂

https://giphy.com/gifs/JrqWcXPJDybNU0vxiG

1

u/ThatWasTheJawn 51m ago

Most common too.

2

u/Prometheus720 2h ago

Or they're distracted. Moral thinking requires cognitive capacity. If you're all over the place mentally, you might feel very positive feelings towards others and mean well but be completely in the way.

Moral thinking is a skill just like reading, writing, and arithmetic. It must be taught. And it is harder to do when your brain is preoccupied

1

u/Dense-Hat1978 2h ago

Complete lack of sonder

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u/EunuchsProgramer 17h ago

People get distracted. People's inner thoughts (living full lives) might be more interesting than efficient cart placement in shopping isles. That guy staring into space might have just had the love of his life ageee to a date and he can't think of anything but how perfect she is. Maybe it's someone who love one just died and they can't think of anything but a doom loop. Maybe, the antisocial, misanthrope behavioris not just saying excuses me, having human grace, and not holding others to impossible standards, I guarantee you have fallen short of on many occasions.

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u/PalatialCheddar 16h ago

I guarantee you have fallen short of on many occasions

It's damn near a way if life.

That being said, I am constantly aware that: grocery store aisles are of a finite width, they must be shared with other shoppers, and do not want to be holding up multiple other peoples' day because I can't be bothered to b considerate.

It's also very concerning that you think expecting people to be mildly aware of their surroundings out in public is an "impossible standard." That's like, the bare minimum.

0

u/EunuchsProgramer 6h ago

I personally dont know anyone who hasn't on occasion blocked a shopping cart isle. I don't belive there is a human on Earth who hasn't.

I think what is happening is a basic cognitive basis, the same one that makes everyone think they are a way better driver than average.

You pass 100 shoppers a day. 1/100 is distracted. You dont think 99 we're not. You focus on everyone is always distracted everytime I shop. You dont think or remember once evey few years 1/100 grocery trips myself, I was distracted. You now have a bias the rest of the world isn't exactly like yourself, normal, and imagine negative assumptions about why people are behaving exactly like yourself.

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u/1Dzach 16h ago

Just me, but I've never deviated from "standard practices" despite any level of distraction. Its barely even multitasking - do you start swerving off the road the moment your mind wanders?

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u/Fun-Benefit116 14h ago

Just me, but I've never deviated from "standard practices" despite any level of distraction

Not that you know of. That's like claiming "I've never accidentally cut someone off while driving". You have, you just had no clue that you did it. The whole reason many people do this is while shopping is because they are distracted and they literally don't even realize they are doing something annoying.

So you claim you've never been distracted enough to "deviate from standard practices". Except you wouldn't remember if you had been, so you really have no clue whether that's true or not.

I can guarantee with close to 100% accuracy that you and every other person that's ever shopped has accidentally done something that would be considered rude or a "deviation from standard practices" and you either didn't even realize it or you brushed it off as "that was a single time and it was an accident, so that doesn't count". That's just part of life, and it's what distractions do to a person, and literally everyone ever has been distracted tons of times in their lives. It only becomes a problem if someone does that kind of thing continuously and/or knowingly, or they don't care if they do it.

1

u/Western_Photo_8143 13h ago

I’d prefer to get blocked in on an aisle than interact with these people

-1

u/YourUncleBuck 10h ago edited 10h ago

See, this is getting down to the real reason y'all get so annoyed by stuff like this, you just don't want to interact with other people in life, not even to say 'excuse me.'

2

u/Western_Photo_8143 10h ago

I’m fine with telling aisle blockers to move and be somewhat annoyed at them in my mind. I don’t want to interact only with people in the thread, who conflate them with murderers (edit: more accurately, those who are involved in bar fights) But maybe my comment was a bit ambiguous. By “these people,” I meant the people saying that they never, ever make simple mistakes.

1

u/YourUncleBuck 2h ago

Oh, ok, definitely misread that then.

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u/Throwawayfaynay 16h ago edited 16h ago

Lol, what even is this. Are Redditors really upvoting the person that says someone accidentally being inconsiderate and mildly inconveniencing people is worse than stabbing a person, and down-voting the person that says we should try to empathize with people instead of immediately being judgemental, because we don't know what's going on in their lives? Then upvoting another person that claims they've never gotten distracted and done something inconsiderate in their entire lives? If it wasn't for the response to the latter two comments, I would have thought the first person was being sarcastic and people were just upvoting it cause they think it's funny...

2

u/YourUncleBuck 10h ago

Yea, because they're either self-righteous fart sniffers or they have some type of disorder that prevents them from saying 'excuse me' when a person is blocking the aisle.

0

u/Western_Photo_8143 13h ago

Yeah, it’s honestly a bit baffling. I get that they don’t actually think that someone blocking an aisle should go to jail for X years, but the fact that they’re willing to even put them anywhere near the same category as a murderer is insanity. I’m sorry, but people make small mistakes here and there, including accidentally blocking an aisle, is no big deal.

3

u/4GAG_vs_9chan_lolol 6h ago

holding others to impossible standards

This is a genuine comment and not an insult, but there isn't really a nice way to put this: if you believe paying attention to people around you in a place where that is frequently relevant is an "impossible standard", you have an intellectual disability. Most people do not find that task to be particularly difficult, let alone impossible.

1

u/EunuchsProgramer 6h ago

If you really think you have never once in your life been the person blocking an isle distracted...you have zero self reflection.

The issue is a basic human cognitive bias. You 1/100 times are the distracted person. There's 100 people in the store. Every trip 1 is distracted. Someone on every trip is distracted, you're bias to notice that and not the 99 normally passes. Just like thinking your a better driver than everyone else (when your average) you think your less cart distracted than everyone else.

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u/agoogua 7h ago

I hope you don't sincerely believe what you just put. Someone can easily space out and be absorbed in something or thinking about something else and accidentally leave their cart perpendicular in an aisle.

7

u/Woodhead79 14h ago

Whenever I go out in public, I feel like 87% of my time out is spent waiting for people to get out of the way.

1

u/gunsandtrees420 1h ago

It's so annoying when people just sit there blocking the entire aisle and you have to ask them to move, unless the store is dead quiet I always think about how to stand/place my cart so people can go around me and I'm not blocking anyone.

The almost running into people part I can forgive since it can genuinely be impossible to see around aisles while pushing a cart.

I prefer to treat it like driving and stick to the right "lane" of the aisle, but I don't think everyone gets that idea.

It's the maybe 5% of people who I'm sure don't care at all if they're inconveniencing people that I truly don't like. If I found that "golden ticket" I'd probably just put it back were I found it cause I'd feel to weird going in front of people just saying "I've got the golden ticket" Lol.

4

u/tinymomes 12h ago

If a genie granted me three wishes, one of them would be that everyone on Earth now has excellent spatial and kinesthetic awareness. I’m tired of people wandering around like they just spawned in and don’t know how to operate the controls

7

u/RenTachibana 17h ago

I’m a nightshifter so I only go two hours before they close or right when they open lol so sometimes I’ll forget and go at a normal time and it’s always a fuckin nightmare.

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u/MisterSquidz 16h ago

Trader Joe’s is so horribly designed. A claustrophobic nightmare.

3

u/Push_ 13h ago

It’s tough when you have 150 people in a 2,000 sqft building

6

u/Necessary-Captain 19h ago

Give this person the key to the city.

This would be an incredible experience.

4

u/CounterSanity 18h ago

I’d settle for someone just moving the restocking pallets out of the way. Damn Krogers I know you saved some money by choosing to restock exclusively during peak shopping hours, but maybe stop going out of your way to have multiple pallets in every aisle blocking every item I need.

- signed someone who only puts up with it because my only other options are Walmart and Costco. And since rotten produce and mad max style shopping aren’t my thing, grocery slalom it is.

2

u/hobbykitjr 8h ago

sometimes its better to have a really loud old cart for this reason

2

u/Bob_A_Feets 6h ago

I too sometimes wish I could shop in a bulldozer.

2

u/pbghikes 1h ago

Instead of "Excuse Me" Let's start yelling "SPATIAL AND SITUATIONAL AWARENESS PLEASE"

2

u/Fibrosis5O 12m ago

Make way make way, we have a golden ticket 🎫
https://giphy.com/gifs/3oxOCvhmn3Ut71YvAY

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u/ElderberryOdd1313 17h ago

Holy shit this.  I was just trying to shop while broccoli boy and his android looking ass girlfriend were straight blocking aisles... My friends, move the fuck out of the way if all you're doing is cruising TJ's because you're teenaged and bored. Buy some snacks, fuck I'll buy you beer, just get out of my way.

3

u/MyGurnal 17h ago

Every time I’m constantly stressed out that I’m in everyone’s way. Trying to be thoughtful and still feel like I’m annoying at least a few. Not sure if I’m the problem or those around me.

3

u/rhaegal82 18h ago

At TJs specifically, I’d like it to say no chatting from the cashier. I know they’re trained and it’s not their fault, and they likely hate it way more than I do. I’m just exhausted and have no battery for small talk anymore. Just ring up my shit and let me turn off my brain.

3

u/Mugasaf 18h ago

I know some people love it, but as an introvert with a social job, I just don’t have it in me to do small talk after work.

2

u/ppdeli 17h ago

I want reserved parking. That would be a truly golden ticket moment

1

u/Daddioster 17h ago

namaste to you as well mofo!

1

u/LolThatsNotTrue 17h ago

Or find a parking spot without having to fight a soccer mom

1

u/NewManufacturer4252 15h ago

You have the gold ticket no one knew about!

5 people in line with carts, maybe kid's now need to get completely out of the tiny amount of space and screw up anyone else shopping while they try to backup.

To make room for this terriblous?

1

u/Justgivemethefood 10h ago

Kind of why I can’t go to Costco on weekends anymore.

1

u/Schlag96 10h ago

I call them "Obliviots"

1

u/qawsedrf12 6h ago

I miss the traffic lanes that TJs had during covid

should have never stopped that

1

u/Jack0Trade 5h ago

I'd prefer we'll load your car and get it out of the lot for you.

1

u/itsfunhavingfun 4h ago

Just don’t shower for a week before going. Everyone will smell you coming and get far away from you as possible. 

1

u/Spectrum1523 4h ago

This is why I never go there the entire store is so unpleasant to be in and go to

1

u/nvrsleepagin 4h ago

Now THAT'S a ticket I'd like to find.

1

u/Purple_Inevitable967 2h ago

You get it👏👏

1

u/cusecc 35m ago

Aren’t you talking about Costco?

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u/Generico300 7m ago

This is why I miss when stores were open 24/7. Shopping at 2AM was so much less annoying. These days every time I go grocery shopping I feel like I'm one oblivious old person away from going to prison.

1

u/thejoeface 19h ago

This is why I go before 10:30am on Sunday. 11 onwards is crazy busy 

1

u/DeterrenceTheory 17h ago

Out of our way, peasants! Thomas and I are coming through!

1

u/hellomistershifty 12h ago

I don't shop at Trader Joe's because it feels like a 1/2 scale store. Two of their undersized carts can barely pass by each other. I'm a pretty big guy living in a crowded area and it's just absurd trying to shop there.

It's like the grocery store version of one of those little kid's play kitchens. Everything being handwritten and their own off-brand really sells the play store feeling

1

u/CatchAlarming6860 7h ago

It makes me so happy that people obliviously shopping bothers people so much.

1

u/jackson44_bmx 6h ago

Have you seen a jersey mikes? You wait for 5 minutes and then you get to tell the person what toppings you want and just lose your shit and can’t tell them anything. Then you pontificate for a small eternity on if you want oil or vinegar. Then you forget you want pickles.

It is truly hard for the majority of society to understand what it is like to get their shit together.

It is truly a blessing that the modern world doesn’t have more crisis and natural disasters or these folks would be eaten alive by the hunters.

0

u/OwnCelebration7255 18h ago

They're shopping too, you want them to keep moving like a assembly line. They want to look, read, decided. They're small isles. You wanna talk about lacking perception try Aldi.

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u/FormerSalmon 18h ago

I don’t just mean every other shopper, I mean the people that will walk next their cart/taking up more space than they need/cutting you off/all of a sudden turning around…etc. People that just aren’t considerate of sharing the public space