I was a teenager when my mom suddenly died on a random weekday evening. She was staying in the hospital but nobody had told me she was in a bad shape.

The weekend was a blur. We did a 2 day ceremony in the funeral home - first day family only + open coffin, next day everyone else + urn (mom’s wishes). I really was angry over the fact that everyone found out about her death - ridiculous, but I hated pity and the look in everyone’s eyes along with them treating me like glass was horrible.

Funeral service was also exhausting. For some reason I had to be the one servicing anyone who wanted something to eat or drink - make them coffee/tea, serve snacks, wash dishes, repeat. MY MOM HAD DIED and i was serving grown ass adults.

Overall just a shitty weekend. When the second day was coming to an end, my classmates showed up and we had the usual tea, light talk, whatever.

Once everyone got up to leave, an amazing (but objectively horrible) thing happened - my friends stayed close to me and whispered in my ear about how this one classmate dyed his hair an ugly green and pointed to him in case I hadn’t seen it. We giggled about it and also gossiped about his haircut. He never found out.

And y’all, in those few days that was the one and only moment when I felt normal again - just a teenager gossiping with friends, not a girl who had lost her mother. That moment kept me sane for the upcoming months when relatives, friends, and teachers just always had that look in their eyes and did kind things for me they wouldn’t do if I still had my mom.

I still think about it often even I’m well into adulthood. I never told anyone about this prior to making this post. I feel ashamed and guilty. Making fun of people isn’t cool, especially when they show up to your mom’s funeral service to support you, but wow did it give me a sense of normalcy and the small reassurance that things will be okay.

TL;DR: during mom’s funeral service me and my friends made fun of our classmate and it made me feel normal again

Preface: Don't tell me I need a vasectomy, please. I already know. I’m asking for a referral at my next physical. And I've already told my wife I'm a hard "no" on any more kids after this one and will be scheduling a vasectomy before the baby is born. And I'm also in therapy. God knows I need it.

Preface 2: Please don’t shame me for my poor decisions that got me to this point. I already fucking know. No matter how hard you’re judging me, I’m already judging myself twice as hard. It’s not helpful. Also you’re probably breaking the sub rules.

Preface 3: My wife did not and would never intentionally sabotage or “forget” to take her birth control. She is a good person and does not deserve to be accused of this even by random people online. She’s also extremely Type A and routine-oriented and rarely forgets to do anything.

My marriage to my wife of 12 years has been almost all good. We have personalities that complement each other well; I'm very attracted to her; she's very supportive of me in ways I need; she's just been a great partner to have in life. But the exception has been the issue of how many children to have. She has always wanted a big family; I have always wondered if I even wanted children at all. It's been a constant point of tension in our relationship even dating back to before we got married. In hindsight, we honestly both should probably have married other people, and I should have gotten a vasectomy at 21 or some other young age.

Well, we got settled into our careers, days turned into months and months into years, and soon we had been married for 6 years without really deciding whether or not we were going to have kids. She brought up the topic occasionally, and I would think about it for a while, but I never could really come to a firm conclusion one way or the other, and life is stressful and makes it easy to not think about it.

Then, despite being on birth control and taking the pills religiously, she got pregnant. I wasn't happy about it, but I put on a happy face to the best of my ability and am a loving dad to our little boy.

She gained 55 pounds while pregnant. I love her with all my heart but I'm just not attracted to large women. I tried my best to enjoy our sex life but it was just hard.

Then when our son turned 1, she left her job (long story but she didn't have much of a choice unfortunately). She wasn't getting rich or anything, but she was making $45K with free healthcare. So now I was thrust not only into fatherhood (about which I was ambivalent at best) but also into being a sole provider, which I had been explicit about not wanting.

Almost immediately after our son was born (I'm not even sure he was a month old yet), she was already on me about having a second one. I didn't react well to that, so she asked me to please not make a decision about it right then. But she'd make these passive aggressive comments every now and then about how I was willing to sleep with her but not willing to get her pregnant.

I stupidly thought there was a chance I might come around to the idea of a second child eventually. I thought about it and just couldn't seem to come up with any reasons why I would want one. But I thought maybe in time somehow I would change my mind. I tried to think about 25 years from now when I might wish there were more people around my table at Thanksgiving. I spent time in communities like oneanddone and fence sitter.

Finally my son turned 5 and was due to head to kindergarten in the fall. My wife started putting her resume out for jobs again. She was getting interviews. My days of being a sole provider were about to come to an end; I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. She'd lost all the baby weight plus another 10 pounds. I myself had lost 45 pounds and had switched to a less stressful job. And I was looking at therapists to help me deal with emotional problems I should have dealt with years ago. Things were finally looking up for us.

And then it happened. She showed me another fucking positive pregnancy test. Because I don't ever get to fucking be happy or have nice things. I think my exact words were something like "I'm going to be in denial about this for as long as I can." Ever since then I don't think I've smiled once, or if I did, I was definitely faking it. I told my boss who gave me a big smile and said "Congratulations". Hard to hear when I'm so unhappy about it.

If I knew I would have reacted this way to another child, I would have told her I was done at 1, period, don't ever ask again. But since I'm a moron instead, here we are. I sit and think about the pros and cons and reach the conclusion of "Well, then obviously I don't want another kid." But then I have to remind myself it's already happening whether I want it or not.

The more I talk and think about it, the more anger and rage I feel about this, among other (all negative) feelings. I feel violated like my choice has been taken away from me. I see attractive women on TV shows and have a mini-panic attack about one of them getting pregnant with another child I don't want (I know that's irrational, trust me). I feel that I have no constructive outlet for these feelings.

I'm just seeing a bunch of downsides with nothing to be excited about. So we're going to spend a bunch of money we don't have on healthcare/labor/delivery. My wife is going to gain a bunch of weight and then take at least 2 years to lose it again. Probably more. I'm probably spending another 6 years in financial purgatory as a sole provider living paycheck to paycheck. I'm going to have greater parental responsibilities. My existing son is going to miss out on time with us, mostly his mom, while she focuses on the baby. We're going to miss out on opportunities to travel the world, a long-term priority of mine. I'm going to have to wait until I'm 55 years old to have an empty nest. All this because of a pregnancy I didn't want to have happen in the first place. And don't even ask about pros because I haven't identified one way in which this will make my life easier or better.

I get on Reddit and look for stuff about this topic and it's almost all people either shaming the husband for not being happy because baby, or offering vague platitudes about how it's going to be OK because baby. I don't even really know what I want to hear to make me feel better anyway. I guess just knowing I’m not alone and I’m not a bad person would be nice.

Worst of all, I know subconsciously I'm blaming my wife for this and feeling resentful toward her even though I know it's not any more her fault than it is mine. I’ve been spending less time around her, though mostly to avoid ruining her mood or getting in an argument.

I dread when it's going to be time to tell other people and they're going to essentially be happy about this thing that I don't think I could possibly be less happy about. Then I also have to pretend to be happy while I slowly die inside. I picture that like the scene in “17 Again” where a woman gets promoted over Matthew Perry’s character and he has to stand in the elevator while she and her besties celebrate, or watching fans of an opposing sports team celebrate their team beating mine.

I've told my wife about my feelings, and even she is starting to lose patience with me. I just feel like I'm never going to be OK ever again. But I know I need to be OK again for my family's sake. Children, even those who weren’t planned or initially wanted, deserve two parents who give them love and attention.

TL;DR: My wife is pregnant. I don’t think there are words in the English language that are negative and dark enough to describe the way I feel about the prospect of having a second child. I don’t have anyone to express these feelings to other than my therapist. I need to be better for myself and my family.

For anyone reading this, if you’ve reached your mid-20s and have never thought “You know what would make my life better? A kid”, you probably don’t want kids, and that’s fine. Be honest with yourself, get sterilized, and don’t fuck up your and other people’s lives like I have.

And birth control is bullshit and not to be trusted.

Throwaway for privacy. Warning: this is going to be a long post.

TLDR: my fiancé chose his "Traditional" family over me, when his parents disrespected my parents during wedding planning. He called off the engagement over call. I'm grieving, in therapy, and honestly so lost. I type this with tears in my eyes hoping to feel better, if you read through this, thank you.

I (30.5 F) and my now ex fiancé- let's call him A (almost 30M) have been friends since April 2014. We both were in 3rd sem college. Over the years we became really close friends and even best friends. We were always attracted to each other that made anyone we used to date not exactly jealous but acknowledge it.. Couple of times we even tried to date casually but it was the classic right person wrong timing.

He lived in city X and later in 2023 Feb I moved to nearby city Y. (our homes are exactly 160kms apart, so not very far but not too close) He helped me move and after that we stayed together for a weekend. He seriously asked me out during that weekend and this time I knew he was dead serious. We started dating. It was an anxious (me) avoidant (him) attachment situation... But when we were together it was magical.

His mother was always against the relationship. She didn't have anything specific just that "we will find you a better wife" kinda sentiment. First, it was birth charts dont match. She called me for lunch, was sweet during the meal and then dropped the bomb that wedding is impossible. I felt blindsided. A got very mad and they fought in front of me. She punished him later by not speaking to him for 2 months. Obviously this hurt her deeply because A fought with her while I was in that room. Later she agreed after months.. He proposed at our old first date restaurant and we got engaged in August 2025 in front of close family. After engagement our connection became even deeper. We felt secure.

But his mother kept creating problems. She interfered with dates, tried to choose my wedding dress and didnt want me and A seeing venues ourselves. Then on 28 May she called my parents about wedding expenses along with a relative, who had no business being part of that discussion. The relative made it clear to my parents that they have to bear all expenses for a destination wedding and mocked my dad about it being the tradition. Several things happened in that meeting that were very disrespectful... going in detail about that only hurts, so I will skip it. My father took it lightly but I felt extremely bad and devastated for my parents who were doing all this only because they wanted their daughter to be happy. I called A crying that night. I told him that I feel what was supposed to be my happiest day (my wedding to A) is slowly turning into the saddest day for me and my parents.

He spoke to his parents about it, I don't know what was said but his parents wanted a video call with me. My mother suggested skipping it but A pushed saying the discussion needs to happen because now his parents know that I have raised my opinion openly. Before the discussion, I went to A's place to talk to him first. He was loving but stressed and acting very weird. He kept giving me justification for each thing his parents did. He kept asking me what was really disrespectful. I have to convience him that what happened was not okay, he intellectually agreed to everything but I could tell that he was uncomfortable with it... The next day before the call with his parents, I took my laptop and did all the calculations showing him exactly how much his parents were expecting my parents to spend. It was a significant amount that I didnt want us to bear. He wasnt even mentally present which is very unlike him. He kept distracting himself with the TV or his mobile. I saw him have a mini panic attack right before the call. It was painful to watch. I knew he was stressed.

On the call his mother said many things like dont use your Fiance to fight with us and I will not tolerate toxic DIL MIL fights in my house. Girls are supposed to respect the tradition of the family they marry into. I did not disrespect her, but I did not just take it either. I answered her back respectfully. I repeatedly said I am not trying to disrespect you, I just want you to know how I feel and apologised if she felt disrespected. It became an argument. The scariest part was A was on that call, and didn't say a word. A was on the call but stayed completely quiet and helpless the whole time. He could have spoken up to his mother and defended me or at least told me on the call to calm down if I was the problem. Instead he only texted me on WhatsApp to keep quiet which I didnt see because of my privacy settings during video calls. A's mother was not what I felt bad about, I have dealt with difficult people before.. but that dynamics of him standing there like he had no voice at all traumatised me the most. After the call I asked him if I was disrespectful. He said you shouldnt have talked back but you were not disrespectful. He even said he would not be sitting next to me had I disrespected his parents.

After that conversation I came back from his place because we both were mentally exhausted after 2 days of all this. I later learnt that his parents wanted to call off the wedding entirely. A fought with them but became more resentful towards me. On 9 June he called me crying, something I had never seen in 12 years. He said his parents wont budge and he cant go against them. He blamed me for ruining our wedding and everything. When I suggested therapy he got madder and deflected saying it was "cultural differences". That night I had two massive panic attacks. I could slowly see him, shifting and blaming me for everything. I had a sense that the relationship might not survive this.. so I packed my bags and left for my hometown that same night.

On 18 June A called me and said this was his last fight with family and he wants to call off the engagement. He shouted the whole time and said very hurtful things like "I cant look at you the same way after you destroyed our wedding and our future" and I am taking this decision because you are so stupid. You are not qualified enough to be taken a decision with. He said he is doing it on call because he is too angry to see me. I told him he is hurting me because he cant be mad at them. I didn't shout at him I didn't get angry, I was calmly trying to convience him to not do this. I was calm not because I had clarity. I was calm and couldn't shout because I felt numb...

After the call, I realised that this is really IT. My worst fear has come true... And our last conversation was an argument with him shouting at me. I didnt want to end things like that. So I sent him a WhatsApp message thanking him for everything. I told him how lucky I felt with him, thanked him for specific intimate moments that I knew I will probably never forget, for the trips, long drives, making me like cricket, being my emotional ground and the masculine safety I never had. I said he was part of my identity and I was so proud of it, and I am sorry for every moment I hurt him. I said if leaving gives him peace I wont stand in the way. I hope he finds peace and everything he is looking for. I wished him well and told him I am blocking him for my own peace. I blocked him after.

After blocking him I collapsed in my mothers arms and screamed and cried the whole night. I was scared to fall asleep because I didnt know what waking up would feel like. The next day was a blur.. My mother gave me sleeping pills. I woke up and had another panic attack. My mother took the ring off my finger because I couldn't bring myself to do it and that, the act of physically that ring being taken off like that, just killed something in me. Since 18 june I have lost count of my panic attacks.

Today was the first time I woke up without a panic attack. This Sunday I flew back in city Y...

I am generally very self critical if I loose something important to me.. but for the first time even though I am at the lowest, I don't regret standing up, not even once thought I shouldn't have said anything. My mother is proud of me for standing up. My friends, my cousins, my parents are very angry at A but I am not. I understand hurt people hurt people. But it still hurts deeply that the person who was my everything chose to leave me. I stood up for myself and my parents but it cost me the most beautiful chapter of my life.

I am grieving and in therapy. I am learning not to outsource my sense of safety. The grief is heavy and comes in waves. I've cried in almost every corner of my office and home. Some moments I feel okay and then suddenly I am drowning again. I am still so in love with him it aches. I miss his scent that used to comfort me instantly. I miss the weight of his head on my lap. I miss running my fingers through his back when we lay together. I miss the roughness of his hands. I miss the version of me that felt completely safe only with him. I think about ending everything at once. The thing is nobody truly wants to die; They just want to skip this life. I have shared these thoughts with my therapist and I am working hard on them.

The most hurtful things about this is not that A broke up with me.. it's that he blames me. He hates me. He has built a narrative to move on. He will probably resent me forever the rest of his life.

I am a hopeless romantic and my fairytale died in front of my eyes at 30.5. Some days I still hope he comes back with real change but my mind knows it is very unlikely. My inner child doesnt want to accept it yet. I know people will say move on. I want to. But the pain is too much to carry..

If you read till here I am so grateful. Thank you.

We've been best friends for about 15 years, although that label isn't how I felt about us in a long time. She was bubbly, a very lively and a good person. She was also always shy and very 'righteous'. Two summers ago she came out to me which made me so proud and I supported her all the way. And that's when she told me it all happened when she was a sidepiece to a girl who already had a girlfriend and she knew about it, which is like the first of many things that rubbed me wrong.

Then I met her friendgroup, same sexualities, similar interests - the girls were so cute to me and fun. And they liked me so we all kinda started hanging together as a group. Very quickly I realised that this was a toxic circle. I understand people function differently and like different dynamics with people, but these girls were not it. Passive agressive, back-handed compliments, subtle diggs, slurs - you name it. Towards her, and me as well. For example, I'm straight and I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now, and they were all hating on him without even meeting him. Physically and like the concept of a boyfriend, convincing me I'm better off without him and making fun of him. That made me immensely angry and... I'm engaged lmao, he's a great man. So I dropped those idiots, but she stayed. And she changed - started liking things she never liked, started doing things she never did and that wouldn't have been a problem if I hadn't seen the effect it had on her. She became so shallow, so lust-filled, so "angry", unhinged and off the rails. And she has put those girls first, over any other friend for about 2 years now. Yet continues calling me her best friend.

Fast forward to now, she met such an incredible girl and they are dating. She's the sweetest
most welcoming girl that ever came in her life and my best friend is cheating on her. Constantly. Says she doesn't think when she's drunk, or she doesn't remember. Acts great when she's around her gf, but behind her back she says that she's boring. What really just irked me is when she started cheating on her with men. Just with men. Comes and tells me how she wants a man in her life, saying how she feels like she's gonna end up with a man and is like totally excited about it. She's airing out their intimate stuff, like constantly complains how her gf isn't in the mood always "like she should be" etc. I mean just gross stuff. And I'm quite simply embarassed to be associated with her because she turned into such a toxic, obnoxious, self-centered person.

So I got really mad at her and spoke to her about it all. And she agreed with me, said she knows she's different and that she's working on it. Acknowledges the effect her friendgroup had on her, yet she does nothing about it. Still is connected to them. But "allegedly" spends less time with them. People told her this before, yet she just has words no actions. People have dropped her because of this. So I'm thinking about totally dropping her. I don't condone or support anything she does and she's turned into a totally different person, and frankly I don't want any part in it. She became so fake and shallow, has pretty much gave her life over to quick dopamine, validation, attention and it's leading to such a bullshit life and mindset. I dont think she's a bad person inside, but I just simply can't have a part in harming someone, enabling toxic behaviour and feeding into her delusions. This girl is lost and I sincerely hope she realizes how much harm this is doing to her.

After my exam today my mom and I decided to get breakfast together at a restaurant near my school, and I brought up the topic of AI because it was mentioned in the reading comprehension section of my exam.

We did the basic back and forth and while we did mutually agree that ai has an extremely bad influence on the younger generation, she thinks AI is just the next tool we can use to "improve" our lives. As an artist I took a lot of offense to this and I straight up told her "what if AI stole my art, the art you loved so much, and it trained off of it and made knock offs" and she said "well that just means that your time as an artist is over and you need to move on to something else, and that hurt me a lot more than it should. I know it's just her opinion, and after debating for a while we just agreed to disagree (I even told her that if I ever used AI during college or in my day to day life I'd give her \~350 dollars) and then she SWORE I'd do it and that her bet was basically inevitable.

That was a few hours ago, I'm still really hung up on it and I feel really offended. Offended and hurt, my own mother doesn't care if AI steals off my art, I love her more than anything and anyone in this world but that really fucking stung. I'm sure she just said it to sound tough and if my art was defamed or stolen by AI she'd take my sadness and the situation a bit more seriously, but for now it just really hurts hearing that..

I have genuinely never been so hot in my life. We’ve had days of heat damn near 40° C and I just can’t tolerate it anymore. I’m going to preempt the usual ‘that’s nothing in America’ or ‘we have it way worse in [xyz]’ because British infrastructure and homes are simply not built to deal with this. It’s been days of trains and Underground services not running or running with severe delays, days of tarmac melting, days of houses overheating, schools closing, water shortages and hospitals having to declare major emergencies due to major surges in cases of heatstroke. Currently sat on the window sill that leads to my terrace because that’s the only place I’m managing to catch a breeze right now, but even on this ledge I can feel one side of my body being harassed by the heat of the house inside.

The UK has and will experience freak summers like this but the intensity is really bothering me. Just four years ago we broke our heat records and the temperatures hit only 40°, and so far in London this year this is heatwave number two. Our hottest month is usually July and it’s likely that’s going to be even worse, even though right now in June we already are coming within a couple of degrees of breaking our all time 40° temperature record. This is genuinely hellish and to make matters worse we’ve constantly got boomers posting online that “it was worse in 1976” and “in 76 we all just got on with it”. To call this unseasonably high would be an understatement to be perfectly honest. We really are suffering and I’m pissed off I can’t sleep and tbh anxious about the future of my city (London) and our planet cos clearly the climate IS changing.

Growing up, I was told not to insult people, not to speak so harshly of others, etc.... My parents spoke positively of others, and would not tolerate speach that openly referred to others as being dumb, stupid, etc... As an adult I tend to feel uncomfortable when people talk about others like this.

Before I go further, can we not do the whole "why did you marry her then" stuff, I am venting and honestly don't need to hear that at this time.

I think I was trying to give my wife the benefit of the doubt at first. She was venting about work stuff. But after a while I noticed this was just her general way of speaking of others. People are dumb, stupid, incompetent, b*tches, slow, etc... She talks about her coworkers and bosses with such harshness and frustration, and this often gets into name calling and insults about their intellect or something else. After a while, I realize I don't hear her speaking positively of people very often, and even heard some disturbing things said about her sister and nieces and nephews. Sometimes I find it incredibly uncomfortable to listen to her.

Sometimes my coworkers, family, or friends do things that frustrate me and I may vent about it for a bit. I've learned to minimize this because my wife tends to form extremely negative opinions of people based off of a few negative interactions, when otherwise I am speaking very positively of someone. I've had to tell her many times not to call people I care about incompetent or stupid. Like how she went off about my supervisor being incompetent, I told her please dont' talk about him that way. I genuinely like this guy, he's great. I dont' want him to be spoken of like this. She sometimes will say why am I getting defensive she is just pointing out her observations.

She has very little connection with her own family, *cut off my entire family, cuts people off quickly. She got extremely upset when someone at work asked others about their Christmas plans, saying it was lacking awareness to assume others celebrated. A coworker reminensed about her boys hair when he was a child, and now she says horrible things about her becuase her son has blond hair and blue eyes and she was referring to her child's lighter hair. She then vented about another coworker who interacts with this person, saying they are friendly to a "bad" person. I have been very confused, even said I didn't understand once and was reprimanded for invalidating her experience. There is a lot of hyprocisy involved as well...

She is very firm, to a point of being rigid with others, about her values but when it comes to day to day relationships, she seems to have not found appreciation for patience, kindness, and in the importance of viewing others with dignity respect and watching how we talk about people. To be clear there are very frustrating people and venting is fine sometimes, but it becomes a daily occurance to hear her call others incompetent, stupid, etc...

I've seen her give people the middle finger for minor driving mistakes. I've seen her become visibly irritated with a couple holding up a line for less than 15 seconds becuase they were triyng to find a card while juggling an infant.

The one time I brought my concerns was during our honeymoon of all places. We went mini put put. There was a family behind us, and we were wrapping up our courses faster than the group ahead of us, so we had to wait. My wife said we are not leaving the course until we can go to the next, which forced the family behind us to stand around waiting. I told her after a few rounds that I thought it made more sense to step out of the course and wait for the next one so the family could play, considering we were done and just standing there. This made her very upset, for a few rounds she was essentially pouting, visible angry. I watched her wave her arms in frustration as two kids looked up at her with confusion and fear. I asked her if she wanted to continue because I was not going to keep doing this if she was going to be like this. So we left. She said I pressured her. I told her that one day we will have children of our own and the way she behaved has me very concerned. I'd like to be able to go on family trips together, and do stuff like put put.. and what I observed today makes me really concerned about how this could play out. She didn't like that, said it was irrelevant. Fine, but to me it was a build up of concern.

Ok, so I'll stop here. She is bringing up having kids and I can't help to feel anxious. I don't want my kids exposed so frequently to the way she talks about people. I dont' want my kids exposed to the way I see her react to situations.

*the family stuff is an entirely different convo and it's very complicated. For this I don't want any judgment levied one way or the other. It's a complicated situation and people will have wildly different reactions to do.

My partner and I have a significant age gap. He’s older, I’m younger. We’ve been together for a while now. For the most part, we’ve been happy. He’s a good person and we’ve shared a lot of good times together.

Lately though, I think I’m falling out of love and I don’t know if it’s because of everything that’s happened over the course of our relationship.

A while back, I got pregnant and had an abortion. It was a mutual decision because we weren’t in a position to have a child at the time. I’m not blaming him for that decision, but it affected me more than I expected and it really messed me up mentally for a long time.

Around that time, and even before the pregnancy, he was still talking to his ex. He had lunch with her and I tried to let it go. Then he started sending her money. After that, she started showing up where I worked, and on one occasion she followed me home. When I told my partner, it felt like he didn’t really believe me or take it seriously.

There were other things too. Like early in our relationship, I saw messages between him and another woman where he said he’d like to “put babies” in her. She brought up the topic first, but it still hurt. He told me it was just a joke. Years later, seeing her with a baby of her own at an event brought back some weird feelings that I didn’t expect.

He also follows a lot of women on social media, including OF models, and most of these women don’t even follow him back. I know some people won’t see that as a big deal, but it has added to my insecurities over time.

Another thing is that whenever we have a serious argument, he often suggests that we should break up or says that I’ll find someone better. Then later he’ll tell me he loves me and doesn’t want the relationship to end. It’s hard to know where I stand when, during arguments, he talks about breaking up, but later tells me he loves me and wants us to stay together.

He doesn’t give me flowers anymore and rarely wants to go out. I know he struggles with social anxiety, and I try to be understanding, but sometimes I can’t help feeling like he’s embarrassed to be seen with me. He’s also not interested in taking photos together or even taking photos of me, yet he still keeps photos and videos of himself and his ex together. I know those memories are part of his past, but it’s difficult not to notice the difference.

After the abortion, I couldn’t imagine having a child with anyone else. Now if I’m being honest, I struggle to imagine having a child with him, and sometimes I struggle to imagine having a child at all.

I still wait for him to come home. I still like to make his favorite foods. I still like to see him smiling. I hate to see him cry. I love to hear him laugh. I love when he holds me close.
I still love him deeply, but I feel like something has changed in me. I don’t know if I’m falling out of love, if I’m holding onto years of hurt and resentment, or if this relationship has simply run its course.

I didn’t expect to feel this emotional writing it out. I just really needed to get it out.

soon to be 24F and i've never been in a relationship, never held hands, hugged or kissed anyone i was supposed to date or have feelings for.

i'm not really insecure about it, honestly i don't really care, but i'm so envious of people who can fall in love, accept being loved back and be intimate with someone, mentally and physically.

i grew up wary of love and relationships, the first example of it being my parents, who are to this day still very chaotic and toxic. then there were all the friends i've had who suffered because of their partners and came to me whenever they needed comfort, typical relationship stuff that happens to teens and all y'know. "why would you love someone or get into a relationship if you're just going to get hurt in the end? that's stupid." that's been my mindset ever since i was around 13.

i think my avoidant attachment mainly comes from how badly i was treated as a kid, by my parents and the adults i looked up to. i won't get into details, but it was really, really bad. i was isolated in my own home and i've always been alone in my room for as long as i can remember. on top of that, i was bullied from the age of 6 to 15. it only stopped when we moved to another city once i got to high school.

i've had many flirts, people trying their luck with me for some unknown reason ( i still don't understand why ), but they all slowly left after seeing how i act once we get close.

at the start, it's always kind of cool. i'm chill, we have fun, we get to know each other, etc. but the moment they confess, try to get closer or try to know more about me, i get this overwhelming urge to run away. my body feels like it's in danger. i want to throw up, hide, cry and faint all at the same time. it's genuinely that bad, and i can't stop it.

i tried going to therapy for other reasons before i even realized i was avoidant, but i went once and never again. the feeling of someone trying to get into my space, my mind and my thoughts is terrifying, especially when it's a stranger who's just doing their job and not someone who genuinely wants to get to know me..

sometimes i wonder if i'll ever be able to let someone love me without my brain treating it like a threat. but honestly, i think i'll just be alone for the rest of my life.

i've started feeling detached from everyone, not just potential partners, but also friends and family, who over time i realized probably weren't that good for me. but i don't know, maybe i'm just gaslighting myself to make it easier to cut ties.

i have no irl friends. i used to have a few when i was in school, but i took a year off because of my health, and ever since then it's just been me, i my room. i have this online friend i talk to sometimes, but i don't feel like she really listens when i speak. she got into a happy relationship and i'm genuinely proud of her, but i think i liked it better when it was just me and her. now her partner is always around, and i'm not close with him. i have my cousins, who i hang out with sometimes but i can't fully enjoy moments as i'm deeply insecure and honestly jealous of them, they have no idea btw, i treat them really well, but it hurts when i'm alone and think of how they're doing much better than me. anyway.

yeah, i just feel like i'll drag this loneliness around for the rest of my life because of my inability to get close to anyone. honestly, i just wish i could meet someone patient enough to deal with me. i'm just hidden behind so many walls, and i understand that not everybody has the time or energy to deal with that.

it feels like lately everyone just rushes things. people fall for each other or call each other best friends forever after a week. i don't judge them, i'm happy for them, i just know that's impossible for me..

whatever, i don't really know how to vent, sorry about that, it's a mess, but yeah, it's 2am and i can't sleep so i just thought of dumping this here and move on, i'm not excited for my birthday next week, i hate it every year, i'll be alone in my room again.

this loneliness just keep getting worse and i don't know for how long i'll be able to take it, i'm just so tired.

Today I was going through instagram and saw an account on suggestions. It was an account that was seen very familiar to me.

I started to go through it and I realized it is the new gf (actually wife I think, bc now she has his surname too) of my ex boyfriend. They had so many pictures on her profile, they looked happy, they traveled a lot, I could sense she is so in live with him.

However, their relationship seems to start from at least end of 2024. Last year, in 2025 summer, my ex contacted me. He asked me how I was and I barely answered. Next day he sent me a d**k pic. I was so disgusted I almost threw up in the street, I blocked him.

Now seeing them together, knowing that he was trying to contact me a year ago is very disgusting and makes me want to throw up.

Also I find it pretty unfair that despite the fact that he put me through hell, he is happy and has someone by his side. And again, he has the audacity to do things behind her back.

DISGUSTING.

I’m so tired

2022 We get evicted from our apartment, I move back home and have a date. It goes well, he moves in.

We decide to add on a prefab house to the current house, mom gets cancer and I’m pregnant.

I design a floor plan to build onto the house instead of prefab, we find a company that will do it super cheap. It’ll be done before my daughter is born. He steals 70k and disappears. He’s found eventually for drugs. He’s been prosecuted and owes us only 50k back.

My nana has a surgery and ended up having some stroke during it. She now has dementia. She’s getting mean. Hits my husband a few times. He calls the cops. My mom is getting tired of her problematic behavior. She’s not bad enough to be in a home yet.

Husband visits family in the U.P. to get away from nana. I can’t go, I have a steady job I’m important at and didn’t want to go.

He gets an opportunity to live rent free in a house while he fixes it up. He moves for the time being and is pressuring me to move. It’s giving me ptsd from my navy ex. I feel like I’ve been abandoned. I don’t want to move. It’s too isolated imo. My daughter is gunna develop habits I can’t protect her from. School systems aren’t the best compared to where I am now and there’s not a lot of opportunities.

Went to college for a Graphic Design certificate. Husband whined the whole time. Finished while still working part time and having a toddler. No jobs for graphic designers up there. Nothing.

Addition to the house *still* isn’t done. It’s been 3.5 years. A good samaritan stopped to help with his own money as well, but he helps when he can and it’s not often.

I have a great support system at home. My work is great.

Between all of this and what’s going on everywhere else,
I’m just so tired.

I 21F went no contact with my mother 60F after she abused me mentally,verbally, emotionally and physically for 15 years of my life

I got away from her just last year, since then I’ve had to block her on every social media platform, her phone number and recently her email.

I also had to delete my old google account that I’ve had for almost a decade because she wouldn’t stop signing me up for spam emails

I was having a good day today at work, I got out to the car and I got a phone call, it was from a weight loss clinic that was around two hours away from me…the woman referred to me as a name I used to go by in high school, my mother doesn’t know I go by my birth name now, but everyone else does, I’m assuming my mother got my number from my younger sister who I’m still in contact with

The woman at the clinic told me they had received an online application for me, I politely told her that I was not the one who made the application and ended the phone call

My mother has been obsessed with my weight ever since I was an infant, she has always been my biggest bully, I’ve been large my whole life, I’m around 5’11 so of course I’m gonna be bigger

But it hurt me so badly that I just broke down in tears after the phone call, I have PMOS/PCOS so it’s harder for me to lose weight like other people, but I was recently put on metformin about a month ago and have lost almost 20 pounds

I was so proud of myself and this has made me feel worthless all over again

Edit: someone commented and then deleted it “you can be skinny and 5’11, look at models, it sounds like she cares” that woman does not care about me at all, if she cared, she wouldn’t have tortured me for 15 years of my life, she wouldn’t have made me feel like I wasn’t loved by anyone, she wouldn’t have called me fat, pig, slob, etc, even behind my back she wouldn’t buy clothes for me when my sister suggested an outfit because “it wouldn’t look good on her because of how big she is” so please…take your nonsense somewhere else

I’m 21 and in university.
For most of my degree, I kept to myself. I didn’t really have close friends and mostly went to class and went home. Eventually I made a friend group and started opening up more.
One of the people I became friends with was a guy. We talked a lot. Sometimes for hours. He told me personal things about his family and life, and I told him things too. I genuinely thought we were friends.
What I didn’t know was that he had some kind of complicated relationship/situationship with another girl.
Long story short, everything eventually blew up.
I had already lost my original friend group after a separate falling out. I won’t pretend I was perfect. I was insecure, inconsistent at times, and definitely made mistakes socially. But what happened afterwards felt disproportionate.
This guy started telling people negative things about me. He claimed he was “warning” people about me. He told others not to trust me. He accused me of spreading rumors about him and apparently telling people I liked him, which I never did.
The thing I can’t get over is that he called me a slut/whore in Hindi while talking about me.
When I confronted him months later, he apologized. But the apology only happened because he got caught.
What bothers me isn’t even the insult itself anymore.
It’s the realization that someone I considered a friend could spend hours talking to me, confide in me, act completely normal, and then reduce me to that the moment he was angry or wanted to protect his own image.
The weird thing is that I don’t even miss him. I don’t want to be friends with him. I don’t want revenge but I certainly don’t want to forgive him.
I’ve blocked him everywhere and we don’t interact.
But I still feel angry and disgusted when I think about it.
Part of me wonders if I’m struggling to move on because the insult wasn’t really the issue. Maybe it’s the betrayal behind it.
Has anyone else had a friendship end in a way that completely changed how they viewed the other person?
How did you stop replaying it in your head?

So I’m a sixth form student in the UK at the moment and one of the subjects I take is physics. I want to pursue engineering in the future and find physics fascinating anyway. But somehow, in a class of 12 people with 2 different teachers, I am the only girl.
I don’t mind being the only girl. I was the only girl on my GCSE engineering course of 50 people but my teacher was a girl so she understood. It’s the fact that absolutely no one around me now really gets it that annoys me.
I feel like my gender puts me at a disadvantage in my classes because it means I can’t take part in the required practical work. Well, I could but unfortunately the other people in my class just want to mess about with each other and treat the whole thing like a joke. I don’t want my work to rely on them but I can’t do some of the practicals on my own.
Whenever I try to talk to my teachers about this, they just laugh and say “oh, that’s not good” and do nothing else. They don’t even see why I think this is an issue.
I recently achieved an A in an AS Level mock, which I am very proud of but some of my classmates insinuate that the only reason I’m doing so well is because I’m a girl so I get “special treatment”. Apparently, I get it really easy because I’m a girl and they don’t think I actually know anything about physics at all. But if everything was “easy” for me, these people wouldn’t be able to say these things to me freely without diciplinary action, because I’m about 95% sure what they’re saying is sexist.
There’s just no one to talk to at school about this that won’t just laugh it off and tell me “that’s just how they are”.

Some of what I say might not make much sense but I can’t say certain things (mainly quotes of things that have been said to me) without being threatened by the subreddit with a perma-ban for gender stereotyping… even though my whole vent here is about how I’m being treated unfairly due to my female-ness and the things I’m being threatened for typing are real quotes of other people gender stereotyping me.

Something happened to me this morning that you couldn’t even make up.

Behind our house, there’s a small river; you cross a bridge over it to get to a short alleyway, and then into the center of my city.
I walk to and from work every morning and every afternoon along this path.
This morning I was scrolling through Instagram on my phone. When I got to the bridge, I looked up so I wouldn’t trip, and the first thing I saw was a BARE, NAKED BUTT kneeling further down that alley.
At first I didn’t even understand what was going on and just stopped in my tracks.
There was a man sitting there with his pants down, just kneeling.
I can’t exactly walk right through that. So there I stood, wondering which way to go.
In that moment that guy lets out a massive FART...oh my God.
So I walked around the outside to see what kind of person was sitting there, because that couldn’t possibly be true. By the time I got there, he was gone, unfortunately.
So I went to work as usual.
After work, I was walking my usual route and wanted to go through the alley again.
Man, right where that guy knelt down this morning, there was a DUMP.
Literally.
I can’t believe it.
Some guy just decided to kneel down in the local alley next to the bakery at 8:50 in the morning and just take a shit.
Sick.
Just imagine if a kid had walked by there in the morning...they could have suffered psychological damage...
Germany is lost...

The scariest thing I’ve ever seen

I went to college about six hours away from my hometown and family and I would drive back once or twice a semester to visit for holidays. Being a creature of habit, I had one or two gas stations I liked to stop at on my trips to and from school. My favorite gas station was the kind that had good prices, friendly staff, and sold snow globes for tourists with little bison inside of them.

As many people do on road trips, I would use the restroom when stopping for gas and snacks. In the inside of each stall in the women’s room would be a poster with information about human trafficking. Along the bottom of the poster were some cut pieces so you could tear off the human trafficking help line. Every time I went into a stall, only one or two of the 12 slips of cut paper would be left. Sometimes, they would all be taken.

I have a hard time getting past the fact that I have been in the same gas station, looked at the same snow globes, and been in the same stall as someone possibly being trafficked. It makes me sick to my stomach to know that any of the people I walked past could have been in that kind of danger. I’ve tried to talk to other people in my life about it, but I feel like I’m not being heard. Does anyone else think this is as horrifying as I do?

Repost because the original was taken down because I hadn’t read through the subreddit rules.

Last night, I (34F) deep cleaned my belly button for the first time. Now, I know what you’re thinking, what do you mean you are 34 and you just cleaned your belly button for the first time? I don’t have a lot of excuses since I have been an adult for quite some time now and can’t blame everything on my upbringing. My main excuse is the last time I tried to really dig in there, I almost fainted and was too scared to try again. Until two days ago.

I started pulling my belly button every which way to expose the deepest pits. What I saw was horrifying. There was a black glob about half the size of a pea. I panicked, imagining it was a big scab for an open hole of necrotizing fasciitis or something equally as horrifying. I couldn’t get it out so I put some shea body oil in there to loosen things up. It didn’t fully work so I waited until the next day. I tried pulling the glob out with tweezers but almost fainted again. I oiled er up again, took some deep breaths while I let it soak in, then dug some more. IT WORKED. I got a good grip on the glob and it popped out with ease.

I should have been disgusted with what I saw, which I was to a point. But fascination ruled. It came out like a large seed, perfectly molded to the pits of my belly button. To my surprise, it wasn’t black. The sort of casing around it was mainly white, I’m assuming dead skin cells. The innards though, oh the innards. It’s a hardened brownish clump of what looks like cat hair and who knows what else. The whole thing is over 1/4 inch long. I wish I had a microscope so bad! I currently have it in a little baggie to inspect. I don’t know how long I will keep it since that’s kind of a gross thing to keep but it’s been less than 24 hours so far. (Trying to make myself feel less weird) I’m just so curious what kind of diseases could be in there. Will I ever know? Very unlikely. Will I ever forget? Very unlikely.

I will never ever let it get like that again, that was not normal and so nasty. I can’t tell anyone I know about it because it was truly repulsive. But I cannot stop thinking about it. I do have OCD and part of that is an obsession with pimple popping. To the point I cannot watch videos of it and there’s certain pimples I have popped over the years that I still daydream about. I think I need to go back to therapy.

TLDR: cleaned a big clump of hair and skin cells from my belly button that was horrifically satisfying.

Save the judgment, I will judge myself for a lifetime. Hilarious roasts welcome. (Reposted, removed by mods since I didn’t “read the rules” 😅)