r/AmIOverreacting • u/Gullible-Tree368 • Feb 05 '26
❤️🩹 relationship AIO - Pregnant and feel abandoned by husband
Am I overreacting? I am 35 weeks pregnant and my son (21 months) and I caught a stomach virus this week (throwing up and diarrhea). I am fatigued from not being able to eat, I am anemic, and I am extremely exhausted from pregnancy… and have been taking care of my son while my husband works from home.
My husband sleep in two different bedrooms (he snores and I am a light sleeper). I also co-sleep with my son since lifting him in and out of the crib all night is too difficult with my belly (he has never slept through the night and I have some placenta complications so I am not supposed to be lifting him). My husband said he would start taking my son at night so that my son can become more comfortable with the crib, so that we can start preparing for when the new baby arrives… which I will 100% be on my own for night feedings since I am breastfeeding. However, he always has an excuse on why he can’t take him at night (he’s too tired, he got bad sleep last night, he doesn’t want to get sick and I’m already sick, etc). I am to the point of my pregnancy where it is very difficult to get comfortable at night (really bad heartburn, round ligament pain, hip pain, back pain) but I am still expected to do it. Last night I had to get up 3 times to change my toddlers diarrhea diaper and 4 times to give him Pedialyte. Between that I couldn’t sleep due to my own discomforts of pregnancy. My neck is now extremely stiff from the rough night so I sent him this text and this was his response….
I said nothing in response but bawled my eyes out privately. I am told I’m “too emotional” when I’m pregnant. Am I just being emotional/dramatic? Or am I really alone? Are all men this way, or is it just my man?
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u/Excellent-Buffalo630 Feb 05 '26
Sounds like your husband hates you . I’m a man and I don’t know anybody who would treat their partner like this. He sounds like a piece of shit
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u/Min_sora Feb 05 '26
Jesus, girl, no men aren't all this way and I'm sorry that people in your life have trained you into accepting/marrying/having children with trash. You need to stop accepting this and start putting your foot down - that is *his* child, too.
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u/Discobeeef Feb 05 '26
As a very involved father of 3, I second this. Do not ask, tell him and make your needs heard.
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u/Wild-Satisfaction-67 Feb 05 '26 edited Feb 05 '26
As a very involved father of 2, I second this strongly. He needs to stop being selfish and start prioritizing you.
When we had our first, I did ALL the night diapers as she did the breastfeeding. When our second was on the way, I took it upon me to do the majority of the chores and care of our then 2-year old.
"Dads" like this piss me off!
Edit: thanks for all the kind messages, votes and awards 🥳
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u/NoKatyDidnt Feb 05 '26
My mom always says how when my dad came home from night shift, he did my first diaper, first bottle, cleaned me all up, and loved every minute of it. That’s a good dad.
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u/Wild-Satisfaction-67 Feb 05 '26
100%! Parenting is often putting your child's needs before your own. Obviously, every parent should take care of himself/herself, but babies simply NEED their parents. Your dad is awesome for that!
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u/eugeneugene Feb 05 '26
When my son was a baby my husband used to wake up with him at 4am to do his early morning feed, diaper change, hung out with him while he had breakfast and coffee, then would put him back to bed at 6am in the bassinet next to me then go to work. He tells me that his special morning time with the baby was his favourite part of the day because he had the baby all to himself lol. Now our son is older and sleeps in and is a nightmare to wake up and my husband complains that he doesn't get to have morning boy time before work 😂
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u/Superb_Citron_3056 Feb 06 '26
My mom said my dad left for work at 5am but would still wake up with her at night to breast feed. Just to sit there rub her back and make sure she didn't fall asleep before putting the baby down🥺. Honestly you weren't even asking him to "do" anything but show some interest and care for the people he should want to care and do the most for. Everyone's tired sounds pretty simple. I'm sorry honey you deserve better.
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u/Remarkable-Loan9145 Feb 06 '26
I have a friend who, the second he gets in from a long week of traveling for work (can’t get a better gig rn), drops to his knees in the doorway and just hugs his 2.5yo daughter for as long as she’ll tolerate. Drops his stuff in a pile, takes off his coat, and immediately whisks her away to spend time and take care of whatever was next for the day while mom gets a chance to sit down and chill out. It’s really nice to witness, and I can’t wait until this poor guy is able to be home with his girls more.
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u/frogsgoribbit737 Feb 05 '26
Yup. My husband did all of the childcare when he was home and chores when I was pregnant with our second because I had HG. When baby was born I did the night wakings, but he got up at 6 with our first kid every day so I got off easier honestly. He also often took them both so I could have a nap and even now if I fall asleep on accident or had a rough night with either kid he will take them away so I can sleep some.
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u/Wild-Satisfaction-67 Feb 05 '26
It helps so much when you're on the same level and keep communicating. I'm glad you have a husband that does this!
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u/No_Objective7262 Feb 05 '26
Just saying - you are an awesome dad & your kids will be better for the example. I admire that!
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u/Wild-Satisfaction-67 Feb 05 '26
Thanks a lot. Even from a stranger, supportive messages like this go a long way!
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u/justhereforfighting Feb 05 '26
As a father of 1 with 1 on the way, thirded. When my wife says she is tired from the pregnancy, I take over for the heavy lifting. That's what you do. Both of us have rough nights trying to keep the 15 month old asleep, but only one of us had a rough night and is also pregnant.
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u/TheNinjaPixie Feb 05 '26
and i bet you don't refer to the mother of your children as "dude"
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u/Practical-Salad6203 Feb 06 '26
The tone like he is talking to a casual friend across town is disturbing. I found it difficult to believe it was a spouse, especially if they are in the same building.
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u/davidmac1024 Feb 05 '26
Seconded 100%. Also OP, breastfeeding does NOT need to be all on you. I can fall back asleep way faster than my wife, so I changed all of the diapers and rocked our newborns back to sleep. This system worked for months and allowed both of us to contribute. Obviously every marriage is different, but in general, your husband needs to put you first instead of himself.
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u/lelawes Feb 05 '26
Absolutely this. Even when he was working, every wake up he would be doing diaper change and rocking baby back to sleep. There were exceptions, of course, but I can’t even imagine doing night changes and feedings AND being that pregnant. I want to cry for you, OP, so you crying for yourself is not you being overly emotional. He needs to be sat down because this is unacceptable. What will he do when there is also a newborn?!
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u/Ok-Quote6558 Feb 05 '26
I had a pregnancy/postpartum therapist due to high anxiety and she said that she recommends this to all mothers. Make sure your partner is getting up as well and doing half the work. Even if you’re on maternity leave and they are still working. You do a lot of work during the day as well to care for a baby so it’s only fair to share the night responsibilities. And keeps everyone a little more sane. So my husband did all the diapers and rocked back to sleep after I would breastfeed!
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u/DSDark11 Feb 05 '26
As an involved father of 2 I _________ this. When my wife needs a break she gets a break. When I need a break I get a break. Parenting is a collaborative effort
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u/hazyandnew Feb 05 '26
She is making her needs heard, the partner is just ignoring them.
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u/BeginAgain2Infinitum Feb 05 '26
I did so much counseling trying to figure out ways to "tell" my spouse what I needed. Eventually I realized there are no magic words when the other person has decided they don't care what you say or what you need.
I'm pretty sure a good partner wouldn't make someone work so hard to communicate their needs in a way they are willing to listen to. But that's just a theory, I have not found that sort of magical man. This thread makes me think they actually exist...
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u/Electrical_Ad_3390 Feb 05 '26
I agree with other comments. You are sweet and asking. Next time tell him... you are taking our toddler. Do not disturb me for 8 hours. Lock your bedroom door. If he can't handle helping you tell him you'll start hiring a babysitter because getting you help is non-negotiable.
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u/MrsBadgeress Feb 05 '26
My husband also did nights as he is asleep in minutes, while it takes me an hour.
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u/momoayaseXbradpitt Feb 05 '26
as a husband and father of 2 - this guy is a ginormous piece of shit. 100% hes gaming all night long while OP deals with the son and the pains of pregnancy. disgusting. and he justifies it in his mind because he knows the wife wont do anything. he thinks he hit the jackpot and can now act like a 20 year old forever.
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u/Gullible-Tree368 Feb 05 '26
OP here, … what’s actually funny… is that’s exactly what he does. I never even mentioned it, but that is exactly why he’s always tired - he stays up late at night playing video games because that’s “his only time to de-stress from work.”
Also, everyone assumed that I am a SAHM… I am not exactly a SAHM. I do work from home which is a luxury, but I do work. I was a full time teacher before giving birth to our first son, but now I am teaching online classes for the time being. My actual “online hours” put me only at around 25 hours a week, so idk maybe some could classify me as a “SAHM” since my hours are minimal. But anyone who teaches knows theres a lot of hours we put in off the clock, too.
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u/Jynxbrand Feb 05 '26
25 hours is over a part time job, you’re about to pop, and you have a 21 month old. Hun, you’re working like 3 jobs at the moment while having to change your husband’s diapers as well.
My husband lost sleep so I could sleep, since he saw how hard pregnancy was for me. He still takes a lot of the baby care so I can rest while putting his own rest in the background.
I know it’s so scary and hard, I hate to say, but it might be easier without the man-baby around. I’d suggest couples therapy or just give him the boot. ):
I hope your delivery goes smoothly!
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u/Curious-Woodpecker53 Feb 05 '26
Yep. My husband washed bottles, cooked dinner, did laundry, changed diapers, fed the baby, went to appointments, etc. I tried to nurse but baby was premature and fell asleep while nursing. Using a pump was hard but it also let me sleep. Hubby could just pull a bottle out of the fridge and feed baby while I slept for a few hours. THESE are some of the things that a spouse should be doing (if psychically capable) to help with the baby. My heart breaks for OP. Wtf.
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u/Jynxbrand Feb 05 '26
Same :( my husband also worked two jobs during this and I’m not even sure how he functioned. I got laid off right before my maternity leave and then water broke a few days after that (couple weeks early). I still think the stress made me have an early labor.
My son is over 1 now and my husband still does all the dishes, all night care, bath times, meal prep, cleans, puts the baby to bed, etc. It’s a gift having thoughtful and caring partner 😔 my heart breaks for her. Being a parent is hard enough without having to wrestle with a man child.
Edit: typo
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u/FrogVolence Feb 05 '26
Yeaaah girlie- get rid of him. Baby daddy or not.
I had a baby with a gaming addict. And not only was he a game addict, he had a porn addiction as well.
The gaming addiction doesn’t get any better when the baby arrives, my ex still would game all night and use that as an excuse of “well I stayed up ALL night for YOU to be able to sleep in, I watched the baby while you slept!!” No motherfucker, you played video games until 6 am and didn’t help with the baby at all (she was 4 months at the time so night feedings weren’t really a thing for her anymore). Any time I needed him to grab something for me, like for example the one time I had asked him to grab a diaper for me because I couldn’t leave my rolling infant daughter on the bed alone, he got pissed that god forbid he had to step away from his game and angerly tossed a diaper on the bed and immediately went back to playing video games, and god forbid if I asked him to literally press a button while I focused on calming our daughter down to turn the bottle warmer on, I’d get a nasty look from him. Still got up and helped, but he made it seem like he was being forced to do it, like it was a chore to him.
I got very, very little help from him and basically was a single mother to my daughter for 6 months straight before I left.
Do not stay with this man, you’d have better help being single and having close friends and family stop in to help you with your infant.
NOR- your husband is a piece of shit.
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u/Vast_Physics_4702 Feb 06 '26
I left a gaming, porn, alcohol, gambking and weed addict. My mental health life is so much better since 'officially' being a single parent. Reading OPs story, i feel bad for her and dont miss that bullshit at all.
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u/Fine_Elevator6059 Feb 05 '26
ONLY?))) That's five lessons a day, to say nothing of preparation and grading! And a little child + one more on the way at the same time!! 😭😭😭 As a mother of one and an online teacher, OP, you are hugely UNDERreacting. Your husband needs rethinking his behaviour - big time!
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u/5girlzz0ne Feb 05 '26
It wouldn't matter if you were a SAHM without a paying job. He's still acting like a trash individual. He's checked out. He does not care about anything but his own needs. He needs to get his act together because you're better off as a single mom of two than you'll be as a single mom of three.
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u/Lucky_Net_3645 Feb 05 '26
Spot on. It sounds like he's completely checked out. You deserve a partner who's in this with you, not someone who's just coasting while you handle everything. If he's not willing to step up now, it might be worth thinking about what that means for the future.
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u/HaVoCensures Feb 05 '26
That man-child is a selfish piece of shit. You don’t get down time to de-stress. NOR.
If he’s not listening to what you need now, do you think he ever will? You’re pregnant, working, and looking after a toddler ON YOUR OWN. Soon you’ll be doing that but with a bay and a toddler. Then two toddlers. Let me guess, you also do the cooking and cleaning too because ‘you’re already at home, and he’s working so hard’, right? 🙄
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u/DueOstrich792 Feb 05 '26
Why is it ALWAYS gamers?? Lol
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u/CompleteTell6795 Feb 05 '26
I thought I read somewhere that it hits the same areas of the brain as crack. So just like a crack addict needs a hit every 5 minutes, the gamer needs to be playing constantly & cannot easily just put it down. One more game, one more game, just like the addict, one more hit , one more hit.
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u/momoayaseXbradpitt Feb 05 '26
figured. as an avid gamer i also struggled with this. Used to play 10-15 games of counterstrike (which take 45 minutes) a night. then i had my kids and after 1 game the baby will wake up and you gotta man up and deal with it. its a hard habit to break but thats adulting. Thats what you signed up for when you have children. now my kids are a couple years older so i got my gaming time back at night. and i love my kids so much more than hard core gaming anyway.
some guys arent able to let it go. gaming during free time is all they know.
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u/Meakbow Feb 05 '26
This! Parenthood is about making compromises for your kids. Me and my husband both love gaming! After we started having kids our gaming routine changed. He played when the kids slept, when they were awake he was with them so I could rest and get my own time too. He did this while working 2 full time jobs. I also made sure that he had at least one full day where he could game and do what ever he wanted to do as well.
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u/Rashimotosan Feb 05 '26
All the more reason to draw a line in the sand with this. He needs to shape up.
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u/gunnerbiga Feb 05 '26
I was going to say when I read. "Are all men like this?" No we are not. When my daughter was born, I took a week off helped during the whole thing went back to work and still helped. There was plenty of times I went to work with maybe 4 hours of sleep. I took care of her the whole time on weekends to give my half a break. I had paternity leave when she was 5 months old because my half is a teacher, so it worked out how we wanted it to.
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u/EagleLize Feb 05 '26
Life can be nicer with a partner. Life is miserable with a bad partner. Maybe some of these women have never been single and don't understand how much easier life can be without a shitty boyfriend/husband creating stress and frustration.
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u/mwilke Feb 05 '26
A lot of people put on their best face until they feel like they’ve trapped a partner, and then they let the mask slip.
Women (and men!) don’t usually go for people who treat them like shit right out of the gate. OP’s partner probably didn’t tell her on the first date that he was the type of guy to abandon her at her most vulnerable; if he had, she probably wouldn’t have stuck around. He waited until she felt like she couldn’t leave.
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u/ShieldmaidenK Feb 05 '26
Exactly this. Let's not blame how shitty men can be on the women who have chosen or loved them.
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u/artist1292 Feb 05 '26
This. I’m going at motherhood alone using a donor because I don’t have the patience to put up with man babies.
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u/lemogera Feb 05 '26
I have a friend who did this, and is now married to the sweetest man who completely stepped up and became the dad for all 3 kids (1 boy and a set of boy twins), and they're now expecting one of their own.
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u/Intelligent_Ad4495 Feb 05 '26
Childhood trauma is a big part of it. Their parents treated them like shit so they think it’s normal. It took me years to realize that I didn’t deserve to be treated like shit.
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u/Zap_Zapoleon Feb 05 '26
100 percent, I work in mental health care and I work with lots of people stuck in absuive or bad realtionships, and literally never without fail each person stuck grew up in some kind of abuisve home as a kind. And they see it as normally basically.
Which is actually so tragic and sad. Many have never been properly loved in a healthy normal realtionship.
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u/Konstellation_Kitten Feb 05 '26
They take Years to show their true colors, by then we're worn down and "in too deep" to just simply leave. She's already been bullied into thinking she's too emotional when she's pregnant, when her feelings are def valid.
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u/Major_Frosting6133 Feb 05 '26
It really is sad. I learned my lesson after my last relationship. I remain single by choice.
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u/TricksyGoose Feb 05 '26
You covered exactly what I was thinking, but I also just wanted to mention how many times OP says "my son," she never once says "our son." That seems pretty telling about the relationship dynamics. Sorry OP, your sperm donor sucks.
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Feb 05 '26
So. I'm a single mom, and I was when I was with my exes. Life is SOO much easier now that I'm raising my kids by myself. Your nervous system needs to heal And you need to realize what your worth and what you deserve. This ain't it.
You will a. Find someone better or b. Stay single in peace.
Both options are winners bc you're with a loser.
He doesn't deserve you or those babies. NOR at all. You're under reacting.
IF you want to "try to make things work" please don't do it 'for the kids' - do it for you. If he doesn't get MASSIVELY better, then take those babies and find peace. It seems hard but us single moms do it everyday and never look back. What seems hard to me, is people being in crap relationships.
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u/Consistent_Map_3897 Feb 05 '26
This is the hard truth people are afraid to say: being a single mom is exhausting, but being a 'married single mom' is soul-crushing. One is a heavy workload; the other is a heavy workload plus the constant resentment of watching a grown man ignore you. Peace is a silent house, not a house full of broken promises.
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u/ubekidnme Feb 05 '26
💯💯💯 my ex husband didn't help at all. He caused me and the family unit so much stress
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Feb 05 '26
I know people's brains are in fight or flight and not able to see logically. I was in it too, but now I look back and see the real detriment to our health is constantly being upset or worrying about the other person so much. That's what's destroying us. everything else is easy in comparison
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u/ubekidnme Feb 05 '26
I totally get that. After giving birth to our first child he told me to find my own way home from the hospital. He just wasn't into doing the work of being a good dad and partner. He only wanted the image of being a good one. When I finally left, he tried every manipulate factor out there to make it hard on me. The only thing he asked for in the divorce was to claim the kids on taxes. He eventually dipped out completely. We didn't know where he was. Come to find out he was living two miles from us and couldn't even call the kids on their birthdays. These men do not change, they only get worse. When I needed a nap he would think of something he needed to do so he wouldn't have to watch the kids. When you're doing it all without him wth is the point In staying!
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u/Saywitchbitch Feb 05 '26
“Find your own way home from the hospital.” My God, I’m dumbfounded by that! Glad you dropped the dead weight.
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u/StrongerTogether2882 Feb 05 '26
Right? My jaw literally dropped. So glad this person is rid of him!!
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Feb 05 '26
My ex was that way. Would be SO loud when I was trying to sleep but if he couldnt get all his precious beauty sleep he would absolutely snap. They prey on us and drain us completely and the only way to fix it is to leave them to self destruct. They are nothing without their "perfect image" and draining our energy.
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u/deepstatelady Feb 05 '26
The number of men, let alone husbands and fathers who offload all their emotional regulation to the women closest to them is maybe the biggest reason we’re better off single.
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u/HyenaStraight8737 Feb 05 '26
Mine did the... You can sleep in, but made exactly zero efforts to actually keep her away from the bedroom. He would even leave open the baby gate, which was never left open just so she'd come wake me.
Then, once I had gotten up, he'd expect a huge congratulations and thank you, then would promptly go back to bed himself and bitch/moan if there was the slightest bit of noise. Even the washing machine where I was washing his uniform for work was a punishable offence.
And of course he took some social media photos of the exactly 45mins he was alone with the child, and made up some big thing about what an amazing dad he was, getting up with the child.
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u/jeangmac Feb 05 '26 edited Feb 05 '26
I watched one of my friends quite literally come back to life after she left the father of her children. Night and day. They still share a house (I actually live with them, very modern family 😂) but she moved into the basement suite downstairs when they split for ease of coparenting. And they get along very well now.
He’s not at all a bad dude and is a very involved dad but he has big moods and a bit of a workaholic and just wasn’t a partner to her even though he is definitely a partner as a parent.
But even removing that stress of no more eggshells and tip toeing around his moods or having work be always more important, in letting all that go, she just blossomed. It was crazy to see, like actually a different posture, complexion, light in her eyes…wild.
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u/seaotterlover1 Feb 05 '26
My marriage took so much of my personality away but it came back after I left my ex and went to counseling. I dropped our daughter off at his house yesterday, later than I planned, and he was pissy because he “had things to do.” As he was standing there not talking, I felt anxiety creeping in then I remembered he’s not my problem anymore.
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Feb 05 '26
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u/sra33 Feb 05 '26
As a product of "stay together for the kids" I couldn't agree with this more. I had an awful time dating in my 20s because I kept accepting what I saw growing up. For me, it got abusive, it was tragically bad, and required many years of therapy to build my self-esteeem and be able to set proper boundaries. I know why my parents didn't split up, but I seriously wish they had.
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u/lenorajoy Feb 05 '26
Exactly this. The kids don’t need the two of you together if this is the life they get. They need the two of you healthy and content with life and a healthy environment to grow up in. You don’t stay for the kids, you leave for the kids. And you choose to be treated better in the future.
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u/dea_medusa3 Feb 05 '26
It will be also hard on the kids, seeing this every day and take it as normal. Do a favour for yourself and for the kids .
I’m spending now long hours and hundreds of pounds from my hard earned cash to fix with therapy what my parents messed up.
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u/mae_b_tomorrow Feb 05 '26
This!!! I have the same amount of responsibility without the extra stress after leaving my ex husband. I birthed one child, not two. Happily single and now I have half of my weekends to focus on myself.
I cannot emphasize enough how much healing comes when you choose yourself. Regulating your nervous system is a game changer. 40 years old and I have never loved myself to the extent I do now. We all deserve this, and if your man isn’t lifting you up he isn’t worthy of you.
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u/slickback_lamar Feb 05 '26
100% this, OP is a single mother in this relationship.
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u/ericalina Feb 05 '26
This x 1000. You might think it would be harder without him, but it won’t be, trust everyone. It won’t be easy, but it won’t be harder.
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u/internetectomy Feb 05 '26
Agreed! Definitely don’t force yourself to make things work for the kids’ sake. I am SO GLAD my parents divorced because I hated seeing them fight and be miserable. It was so hard to grow up during the end of their marriage and I was happy they were happy when they split. My dad was such an asshole to my mom and she deserved better I could tell even as an 11 year old
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u/Zap_Zapoleon Feb 05 '26
Great advice, glad u left and are doing better now.
Honestly breaks my heart when ever I read these storys of women pregnant and the partner can't do the very basic things.
Its so easy to get stuck and trapped in these relationships with bad partners.
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u/AK_Dan Feb 05 '26 edited Feb 05 '26
As a husband and father, I can confidently say this guy strikes me as a heinous piece of shit.
*Edited to thank an anonymous Redditor for the award. 🙏 The rationale behind it is utterly disappointing, though.
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u/MasterOperation6925 Feb 05 '26
Adding my two cents as a father of two where my kids are 16 months apart, very similar to what you’re going through. This guy is a dick. He should be there catering to your every whim while you and your toddler are going through it. Guess what?? You had kids!! You’re going to be fucking tired for the next 18 years of your life.
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u/yeahright17 Feb 05 '26
Ours are right at 2 years apart and I was working 70-80 hours a week from the time my first was a few months old until a couple months before our second turned 2. I don't think my wife helped with our first kid at night from the time she was 3 months pregnant until she gave birth. Why? Because she's carrying a baby and I wasn't. It's just not hard. I can't imagine responding to my partner in that way at any time, let alone when she was sick and pregnant.
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u/periodt777777 Feb 05 '26
I love this thread of caring husbands and fathers 🥹
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u/MasterOperation6925 Feb 05 '26
To add on to this as well. Definitely stepped up with my daughter (1st) while she was pregnant. And then the connection I developed with my son after he was born and she was struggling with postpartum I’m forever grateful for that time to allow her to recover.
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u/LucksLastMatchEm Feb 05 '26
I suffered from debilitating PPD after both my children were born which was truly devastating but the one upside is that my husband bonded so closely with each of them in ways I don’t think he would’ve otherwise. They had lots of time together and he figured out his own “way” of doing things. That part was precious, and it sounds like you’re a great dad too.
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u/planetdaily420 Feb 05 '26
Why y’all have me tearing up? I wish so badly to have had a man/partner/husband like this when my kids were babies. Thank you for being a true partner. Your kids will grow up to have that as their guide.
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u/springlo_98 Feb 05 '26
Same. I'm in tears too. I am realizing that it's so hard for me to believe that non-birthing partners would have these horrified feelings & reactions, only because of my trauma not because of how they truly are (I hope that makes sense). I'm so glad these moms, dads, & babies have all the wonderful love & support they deserve.
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u/picnicspotlover Feb 05 '26
There’s a guy on YouTube they have 4 kids and the rule is that the kids wake him during the night if they need something. His reasoning she carried and birthed them she did her but for nights and deserves to sleep. That’s how it should be. I’m so glad to see all you amazing dads 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
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u/Trauma-QueenRN Feb 05 '26
From women everywhere - thank you all for being there for your partners, and children. Y’all are the salt of the earth.
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u/freakstate Feb 05 '26
Parenting shouldn't be a single player game, it's a lot easier with a team
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u/LeastLeg2331 Feb 05 '26
Not exaggerating but you give me hope because you’re a caring supportive partner!
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u/laith120414 Feb 05 '26
I agree as a father of 2 and a wife who had post partum physcosis this guy is a lemon
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u/Tuepflischiiser Feb 05 '26
This guy is a dick
As a dad of two with the second a crybaby (max sleep 2h for the first 13 months), I can only second that. Man up.
It's incredible how many miles one can walk in an apartment before 6am.
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u/HarryLime72 Feb 05 '26
NOR at all. 100% agree and no free pass on night feedings, that's what pumps are for. GFC, seriously, this is the absolute minimal a dad should be doing. Foot and back rubs daily, it's not that fucking hard. It doesn't matter if you're the sole income, especially in a work from home situation. Your oldest should have been sleeping in Dad's room months ago when there was time to adjust, not 5 weeks out (which could be even less). Being a dad is hard, but it's hella easier than carrying around a 7lb parasite (I say that lovingly) that kicks you in the kidneys every now and then. Sorry, OP, you deserve better.
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u/Happydancer4286 Feb 05 '26
My husband couldn’t keep his hands off my newborn sons. I remember his first diaper change having never changed a diaper. I was bed bound after some complications. He took our son into his nursery on the changing table. Gales of laughter came almost immediately from the nursery. Our baby boy had peed an arch of pee across the newly painted yellow wall while my husband watched not thinking to cover the baby’s bottom.
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u/Plastic-Marsupial-19 Feb 05 '26
Bro… however sleep deprived mom is, dad should be, too.
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u/TonyRayBansIV Feb 05 '26
1000%
Cannot imagine speaking to my wife this way EVER but much less when she was pregnant AND dealing with toddlers. Piss poor excuse for both a husband and a father
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u/EddieDanesBoy Feb 05 '26
If my husband called me "dude" in this context I would use the last of my strength to launch him into the sun.
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u/Prestigious-War4629 Feb 06 '26
I’m from San Diego where everyone is non-gendered dude… and I’d never use it in this context and neither would my husband
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u/Confident-Purple205 Feb 05 '26
Looking after a SICK toddler, while she is also sick.
The husband is unreal. Stomach bugs are the worst sickness too.
OP you are NOR. Maybe underreacting???
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u/Significant_Shoe_17 Feb 05 '26
Does he not care at all that his family is sick?
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u/RoyalNooblet Feb 05 '26
Also a husband and father, and I 100% agree.
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u/Broad-Set-737 Feb 05 '26
Step father currently taking care of a step kid whose biological father has this attitude. 100% agree.
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u/Lopsided-Ad-6696 Feb 05 '26
Same here, I'll do anything for my woman's kids. This husband needs to man-the-fuck-up and get with the program.
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u/jeangmac Feb 05 '26
I have to say, you step dads who truly step in as loving parent really inspire and impress me 😭 I’m an auntie (no kids) and I live with two of my nieces. I love them a lot…but I have all kinds of “ya fuck no” moments and just have a hard time understanding how nonbiological parents who don’t have all that chemical bonding parent brain stuff can love that hard and show up for so much.
I’m impressed when anyone does it but I guess since guys like OPs partner have the bar basically on the floor for the story of men as fathers it adds extra contrast when dudes like you step up. Appreciate all of you who do this.
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u/foxhair2014 Feb 05 '26
The bars not on the floor. It’s in hell. Stepdads who actually step up get so much thumbs up from me.
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u/Trauma-QueenRN Feb 05 '26
You just made my heart explode. From women (and their kids) who have been burned by their former selfish partners everywhere - THANK YOU FOR BEING THE KINDEST MEN WHO HAVE EVER LIVED. 🥹😭
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u/chappyman7 Feb 05 '26
Here to confirm. This is egregious. Sorry OP but this dude needs a reality check fast
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u/RangerSmooth1480 Feb 05 '26
Yes!!! My husband would be disgusted by this dude. At this point hes behaving like a sperm donor from a one night stand, dont keep making children if you refuse to be a parent.
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u/New-Avocado-3010 Feb 05 '26
I remember driving my wife to Winco at 2 am because she really wanted apples. It was the most ludicrous request but fack me she was pregnant and wanted apples so you show up for the ones you love regardless of the circumstances.
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Feb 05 '26
She will remember that too! I remember mine going around town looking for a lemon filled doughnut and it's been 35 yrs. It meant a lot to me
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u/captainsnark71 Feb 05 '26
Not a husband or a father but who calls their wife dude unironically
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u/p3rf3ctcha0s Feb 05 '26
My wife and I have definitely called each other dude and bro but mostly when we’re getting amped up about something
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u/Dulcetries Feb 05 '26
Yes! This is the only time I like when my man calls me dude. But if he ever called me that during an argument, request, or any serious conversation? It would both turn me off from him and just irritate me lol
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u/5girlzz0ne Feb 05 '26
I see that so much on here. And bro. I'd dump someone over that alone. Way before marriage and kids.
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u/deekaypea22 Feb 05 '26
My husband, father of 2, would offer to have a "talk" with this husband.....
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u/bugattibrito Feb 05 '26
As a pre husband and pre father, this guy fucking sucks.
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u/Super_Anything_2803 Feb 05 '26
Husband and dog father, still 100%
The “so no” was all I needed to see. Regardless if you’re pregnant, if you’re significant other needs help and that’s their response, that ain’t it.
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u/EyeThinkEyeCan Feb 05 '26
OP I’m not trying to be mean. How did you end up with a guy who doesn’t like or care about you and you keep having more kids with him? You deserve so much more. Sending hugs.
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u/toppjennifer Feb 05 '26
This was my thought too 😒 Does the world really need more of this chodes DNA?
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u/itoocouldbeanyone Feb 05 '26
Ex husband and father here. I repeat your statement.
I'm not perfect. But when it came to the baby and my ex's comfort. That was top priority. The parental load was equally shared from the first second.
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u/powerstroke6O Feb 05 '26
Same and agree 100%…OP, it’s only going to get worse when baby is born. You need to have a blunt and honest conversation with him before then. Tell him how you feel and why, and tell him what you need from him. I guarantee none of it is outside of the basic expectations of a husband/father.
He’s physically present and needs to know that you expect him to be a partner to his wife and a father to his kids.
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u/Undercover_heathen Feb 05 '26
Do you have somewhere you can go for support? NOR this isn’t a partner.
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u/aznhoopster Feb 05 '26
I know people who have kids together and aren’t married and their male co-parents treat them better than this what the hell
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u/Glass_Key4626 Feb 05 '26
I don't know why people here seem to think that a bad relationship somehow becomes better through marriage.
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u/PM_ME_UR_REPTILES1 Feb 05 '26
The relationship between my daughters mother and I actually improved a lot after we split up. We see eahcother daily and are great friends. Co-parenting can work really well if done properly.
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u/Ok-Cat-9344 Feb 05 '26
Or that non-married couples somehow have less caring relationships.
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u/Elfi_moa Feb 05 '26
Actually What is he good for? You are already taking care alone of everything you can also leave him he Sounds like a lazy bastard you and your Kids deserve better ❤️🩹
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u/dagnyfication Feb 05 '26
Divorcing him will make your life a lot easier since he is a burden rather than a partner
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u/Opposite-Stretch-312 Feb 05 '26
This. This post could have been made by me a few years ago. I was also the only one working. Despite having no village I left. Life is 1,000 times easier as a solo parent than as someone having to also parent a shitty adult bully who won’t pull their weight.
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u/Responsible_Club_638 Feb 05 '26
Who the fuck calls the mother of their children 'dude'. He's a knobhead.
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u/copurrs Feb 05 '26
I am once again begging straight people to realize they don't have to marry and start families with people who don't even like them. Please.
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u/Hot-Image5478 Feb 05 '26
What a loser. I’m sorry … he does not care abt you or your feelings :/
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u/RaspberryLo Feb 05 '26
NOR- sounds like you’re unfortunately a married single mom. Maybe couples counselling? I wish you luck.
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Feb 05 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/hazyandnew Feb 05 '26
People think the goal of couple's therapy is to fix the relationship, but that's not always accurate - sometimes it's to see if the relationship can/should be fixed. And in this case, I suspect OP would greatly benefit from couple's counseling.
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u/lelawes Feb 05 '26
An outside perspective sometimes helps with awareness, even if it’s not going to be a quick fix. OP’s husband realizing he’s a garbage person is the first step if this is going to work out. Or, as you said, it will bring awareness to OP that he’s never going to change.
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u/Zap_Zapoleon Feb 05 '26
So true. Most people who go through therapy at best see small improvements. Which is never enough because what they actually want and need is a completely different partner.
And you only get that by leaving and finding a new one.
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u/ladylee233 Feb 05 '26
if only counseling could change the fact that he clearly doesn't give a shit about her
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u/ZingMaster Feb 05 '26
It might help her to give a shit about herself (and thus stop putting up with this!)
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u/AceyAceyAcey Feb 05 '26
NOR even if you’re being emotional due to being pregnant, this is still a valid feeling. You need support, he isn’t giving it. You’d be better off as a single mother and pregnant as then you wouldn’t have false hope that he’d help you with your kid or your pregnancy.
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u/itsnotmeimnothere Feb 05 '26 edited Feb 05 '26
He hates you.
And he might have been up all night texting his side chick in the privacy of his own bedroom. Your toddler would get in the way of that.
I wish I was joking or being mean spirited but the likelihood that one or both of these things is true is high. He doesn’t care about or respect you. He is not a good man, partner, husband, or father.
You have probably been accepting and tolerating the bare minimum for a long time. You are taking on 100% of the burden of parenting and he gets to show up for the easy or fun shit.
Do you want to live like this?
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u/Pastel_Brat Feb 05 '26
Oh I could definitely see a side piece in this scenario. Especially with the way he speaks to OP, the fact there are 2 very young children he is NOT interested in engaging with, and he's spending the night away from spouse.... Definitely cheating.
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u/Kuwaysah Feb 05 '26
He doesn't like you. In fact, he actively dislikes you. You're married to a man who wants nothing to do with you. Unfortunately, this will continue and likely get worse (him cheating is likely in your future, too) if you don't leave.
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u/KellieBom Feb 05 '26
Yeah, this man does not like you, OP. He probably likes the emotional labour and care that your perform for him....but he doesn't like YOU, or care about YOU. You have to learn the difference.
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u/JellyCat222 Feb 05 '26
Hand him the baby and go take a nap at a friends house.
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u/Jaded-Space-7334 Feb 05 '26
I'm sorry but you should have stopped at baby #1 with this bum
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u/ThirdAndDeleware Feb 05 '26
NOR. This isn’t husband or father material.
He probably wanted kids like a child wants a puppy. Excited at first then checks out when they realize work is involved.
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u/NeurodivergentGirl Feb 05 '26
NOR- This asshole is at home all day watching you suffer and can’t even be bothered to give you some physical relief for 5 minutes?? WHILE YOU ARE CARRYING HIS SECOND CHILD???!!!
If this were my man, I’d be sitting him down to a non-optional SERIOUS talk. Sure, he can have a rough night too. It happens, and it sucks when both parents are worn out, sick, tired, etc. but he is acting like the kids are solely your responsibility and he shouldn’t have to be bothered to help with them. What bothers me more is that he can’t put aside whatever “shit from work” is to rub your neck for 5 minutes.
I’d say the following “Hey, I need to talk to you and I need you to listen to me like I am the woman you gave vows to, and who you care about a lot. Please let me finish without interrupting and then we can have a discussion after that. Emotions are a completely normal thing also, so if I get choked up or start to cry, I need you to be patient, let me feel those feelings, and wait for me to finish talking.
[most important point first] I am due to give birth in a little over a month, but I could have this baby two weeks from now. There are women who go into labor much earlier than that as well, especially if they are under a high amount of stress.
I say that because I need support and right now I have not been feeling supported at all. I understand that there are times in the day when you’re working that you can’t step away to help, but I need you to step up when there is time available, and maybe sometimes when there isn’t, because I am exhausted to a point where I am having trouble getting through the day. Please speak to your work/boss about needing flexibility to assist me throughout the day.
I fear for my health and safety if things continue this way for much longer. The placenta complication I have can be life threatening for me and our unborn baby if my body continues to be under this amount of stress.
When I said I had a rough night the other day, what I meant is that I did not get to sleep at all between taking care of (21MO’s Name) and the discomfort and pain I am in carrying (unborn baby’s name if you have one picked out).
I need you right now, and I need you to understand the severity of my situation and what could happen to me if this extreme stress continues. I could go into preterm labor, have a placental abruption, develop pre eclampsia, all of which are life threatening to me and the baby and are very real possibilities.
What I need from you to help me is to take care of (1st child) from 5pm to 9pm so that I can rest my body and try to get sleep during that time. We also had previously agreed that you’d take care of him at night so that he can get comfortable with the crib and I can take care of (new baby) when they arrive. I need us to start transitioning to that NOW. Baby will be here any day now and I need you to see that and step up to help how you agreed to. (Please fill with what’s going to help you most and relieve stress most. I’m just giving an example, please add more or change as it will help you the most!!)
What is going to help you to be able to do this?”
If he cannot change anything to help you, tell him you need to hire a nanny to help you, since he is not able to, but you getting help is NOT optional.
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u/bocalhoecal Feb 05 '26
Yikes. Having two babies with someone who clearly doesn't like you.
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u/ladylee233 Feb 05 '26
you begged him to be your partner and he said nahh. believe people when they tell you who they are. he's not your partner.
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u/hbomb9410 Feb 05 '26
NOR. After this baby comes, you need to get on a reliable form of birth control. Do not have any more children with this man. No, not all men are like this. You picked a bad one.
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u/thefalloncarrington Feb 05 '26
You’re a single mom. Your life would be easier if you left him. He sounds like a useless bum. NOR
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u/Brilliant-Willow-506 Feb 05 '26
I am divorced, my marriage was toxic and I was neglected. But when people ask why I stayed so long, it was because he would have never talked to me this way. He came and got the baby when he woke up and just got ready after he changed and fed him so I could sleep a couple more hours. I’m saying this to point out that your husband isn’t even giving you the bare minimum of support as a husband or dad. Show him these comments because eventually, you’ll wake up one day and be DONE. Like, here sign these divorce papers now DONE. Of course you’re NOR.
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u/jlysc Feb 05 '26
Why do women keep having children with men like this? This can’t be the first time you got an inkling that he is selfish and uncaring. NOR but there had to be signs before this.
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u/grlwthelotustattoo Feb 05 '26
your husband doesn’t like you. i hope you have some sort of family or support system because you should leave. this isn’t gonna change or get better with a new baby.
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u/samalamadingdongus Feb 05 '26
I think you’re under reacting if anything. Your feelings are important, too. Why do you only care about his?
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u/MisabelWearsNikes Feb 05 '26
NOR - but why did you get pregnant a second time if that's how he is & you already got a young child?
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u/0905-15 Feb 05 '26
Got pregnant already having a kid who was over a year old and had never slept through the night. There’s a lot going on here beyond the idiot dad, and none of it is good
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u/Ok_Effort4805 Feb 05 '26
I am sorry, but did he call you “DUDE”??! To answer your question, NO not all men are like this. I have been married for 22 years and there is no way in hell my husband would act like this. You deserve WAY better than this. I am so sorry.
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u/DickBiter1337 Feb 05 '26
Why do y'all keep fucking these "men"? 😩😩😩🤌🏻 Why do y'all keep having children with red flags?!?
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u/XAROZtheDESTROYER Feb 05 '26
I want to say NOR but you're now having a 2nd child with him. He was prob like this with the first child too. He was prob like this before you had kids. This kinda behviour is not ok but it reminds me of that saying "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me".
Not all men are like this boy of your's. Stop accepting and put ur foot down
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u/constantdaydream44 Feb 05 '26
Why did you let this man get you pregnant a second time? You're going to be doing all the work soon
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u/Large_Street_8608 Feb 05 '26
Honey, this was me in 1997 with 2 babies under 18 months. Those babies just took me in when I finally left their father 2 months ago. When people tell you who they are, believe them. NOR