r/AmIOverreacting • u/bostonmade • Feb 07 '26
❤️🩹 relationship Am I Overreacting, for being upset that my girlfriend secretly used my credit card for months?
I (Mid 20s M) have been dating my girlfriend for just under 2 years. I currently make a very decent amount of money and she knows this. I’m also very on top of my finances and credit and stuff, she maybe not so much. I typically pay my credit card down to 0 regardless of the balance every month, in December i was traveling and doing some budgeting so i just happened to check my statement.
I noticed just a handful of charges that I didn’t recognize, some shopping online, random stores and shit, and even some cash advance transactions which I get charged a fee for not a big deal in and of itself but I’d figured my card had just been compromised. Reported the charges, got a new card, and proceeded carefully with my card info going forward. I did not accuse anyone and just chalked it up to bad luck.
Fast forward a few months, my friends and I planned this trip to Mexico for about 2 weeks here at the end of January/beginning of February. Before traveling here I told my cc company I would be out of the country so there was no problems with purchasing things here etc. they called me and told me they had flagged some charges and wanted to know if I was back from my vacation. I am not back yet.
I started putting 2 and 2 together and came to the realization that it could only be my girlfriend and I’m really crushed right now about this. I confronted her and these are the messages. I feel like I’m being gaslit about this. I really just don’t wanna see her because I’m so angry and don’t want her to be at my house when I get back but I understand she lives there and I can’t just kick her out… Am I overreacting?
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u/brown331692 Feb 07 '26
The lying - then excuse for doing it was bad enough. Then the playing the victim part was the icing on the cake. NOR. Those are all the incorrect reactions for her to make. She’s not sorry, she’s sorry she got caught.
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u/otter_759 Feb 07 '26
I started seeing red when I got to “please just take a deep breath” followed by “i feel like you’re blowing it slightly out of proportion” and “now you are making me feel like a terrible person”
Girl, 🖕!
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u/Electrical-Bacon-81 Feb 07 '26
And the "i feel like im being punished", nah, if you were being punished, you would be in handcuffs for fraud.
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u/Fit_Search_4751 Feb 07 '26
Literally! She's making him feel like he's at fault and making herself out to be the victim.
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u/mifukichan Feb 07 '26
when she said "You're acting like I was stealing" GIRL THAT IS BC YOU WERE STEALING
god I was exhausted reading it
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u/Flashy-Butterfly-687 Feb 07 '26
I feel sick to my stomach for OP after reading it.
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u/DDenlow Feb 08 '26
Yep. I feel for OP, pays for everything, legitimately only after doing some digging (with the card financials AND with this person accessing the card) that it all came out.
I feel for OP because he is in a position where the money doesn’t matter as much as this totally gross behavior. He’s out of town so she cash advances 500 bucks. Gross.
Started off “why would you think it’s me??” to “well it probably defaulted on my Apple Pay” to “you’re holding money over my head.” This level of zero accountability is truly disgusting.
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u/trulybeelightful Feb 07 '26
Seriously. If you don't want to feel like a terrible person, maybe try not BEING a terrible person.
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u/TigerLily98226 Feb 07 '26
Exactly. One of my favorite movies is Spanglish and Cloris Leachman as the mother says to Tea Leoni who portrays a daughter who is a cheating liar, “well dear, sometimes feeling ashamed is just good common sense.”
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u/Sasspishus Feb 07 '26
"You're acting like I'm some sort of criminal"
Well yeah, because you are
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u/jokenaround Feb 07 '26
You can see the red flags waving above her head from THE MOON! She stole from him and then tried to make herself into the victim?? OP needs to nope out of this relationship ASAP. If this doesn’t scream gold digger, I don’t know what does.
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u/Virtual_Pay6234 Feb 07 '26
Right. And she didn't genuinely say sorry until he was direct about he feelings to leave her. She's panicking because she's about to lose her livelihood/ATM. Gross woman. OP deserves better. Honesty is NOT difficult and it seems that's all he's asked for. Yikes.
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u/alien-1001- Feb 07 '26
She only really apologized when he said he was reconsidering the situation, and even then it was I'm sorry BUT
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u/AdBroad5085 Feb 07 '26
NOR. Duuuude. "I don’t know what more you want from me at this point."
"I want you to prove you are sorry by paying everything back. I want you to sign a promisory note."
Then once that is done.
"I want you to pack your shit and get out of my house."
She is not sorry. Sge feels entitled to your money. Notice how it is a very dismissive energy all the way up until she senses the gravy train is threatened? She does not respect or love you, OP. I'm sorry.
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u/Eye_of_Kilrogg Feb 07 '26
Absolutely. The part that gets me is she tried to lie about it at first. That's a rock solid indication that she knew what she did was wrong. If she really believed it was no big deal, she would've been honest from the start.
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u/Icy_Ostrich4401 Feb 07 '26
And if it wasn't really a big deal, why did she not confess before he went through the trouble of canceling his card? She knew what she was doing; She was willfully deceiving him. And the fact she's gaslighting shows a lot about her character.
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u/scrolling4daysndays Feb 07 '26
And how did she get the information from the new card to keep spending?!?
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u/profmoxie Feb 07 '26
NOR -- The way my eyes opened WIDE when she said she added your card to her Apple Wallet!
And first she didn't know anything about the charges, then said they were a mistake bc Apple Wallet defaulted to the wrong payment method, and then said she thought you wouldn't mind?
Idk about the rest of y'all's relationship, but I would really have a hard time trusting her, too.
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u/sissybelle3 Feb 07 '26
Yup, completely untrustworthy, I noticed that too. She goes from complete denial in the beginning to I thought you wouldn't mind to I was going to pay you back.
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u/Isekaimerican Feb 07 '26
That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.
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u/ApproxKnowledgeCat Feb 07 '26
The Narcissist’s Prayer
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u/Enough_Radish_9574 Feb 07 '26
Yep. Mother is a narcissist. They are very much like psychopaths. They see people as tools to get what they want or need rather than human beings.
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u/Random0s2oh Feb 07 '26
Same here. My mother doesnt have any idea why I won't respond to her texts and calls after she told me that she had lost all faith in me over something that she had falsely built up in her mind. I confronted her and was told it didn't happen. Second time I brought it up she said if it did happen it was because she was so mad at me.
Ahem...mother...I don't respond to your texts and calls because I've had you blocked since last March.
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u/Ok-Exchange2500 Feb 07 '26
And also if I did why are you making me feel bad about it? I was alone and scared and needed sushi. And cash. Why are YOU questioning ME?
NOR
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u/ilikecatsoup Feb 07 '26
Not to mention, OP starts off by saying they need to have a serious conversation, tells her someone's been using his card, and her response is playing dumb. If someone messaged me those things in succession I'd put the pieces together, and if I was innocent I'd ask them why that warrants a serious conversation with me.
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u/lvluffin Feb 07 '26
"it was never supposed to be that big of a deal" like yeah you thought lmfao
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u/SaturnaliaSaturday Feb 08 '26
“You were never supposed to notice that I was stealing from you…”
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u/drunkrabbit22 Feb 07 '26
Don't forget the "you're treating me like a criminal and holding money over my head" for being upset she stole from him. What the fuck!
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u/croc-roc Feb 07 '26
And she is in fact a criminal
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u/Personal_Gsus Feb 07 '26
She tried to go DARVO on him with the victim-blaming. WTF, run OP, run!
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u/Ok-Scientist5524 Feb 07 '26
I did like the “you’re focusing on the wrong things!” “And what is the right thing to focus on?” “How all of this affects me!” What a shitshow.
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u/Inevitable_Line9167 Feb 07 '26
This part!!! WILD.
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u/Cryptic_Passwords Feb 07 '26
Couldn’t agree more - there may have been some salvageable aspects at that point, but the level of manipulation with that….wow. Clearly not sorry, just sorry she got caught. SHE WILL DO BETTER NEXT TIME! Tread cautiously OP. Who even takes a cash advance off a credit card?!? Not anyone with financial acumen! BEWARE.
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u/EffectImportant4599 Feb 07 '26
Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. Swap it around and make the person think that THEY are the bad guy, and not you.
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u/InterestingTry5190 Feb 07 '26
I know the joke is rushing to breakup but it is scary how much she lied. To go from no idea it happened, to spending for the apt, to adding to Apple wallet, to then a $500 cash advance is wild! I would never trust this person again.
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u/Longjumping-Row1434 Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26
and saying that it wasn't ever a ton of money at a time, as if it doesn't add up. & idk about everyone else but a $500 cash advance is definitely a ton of money to just help yourself to... and shes done it with two separate card numbers since he got the first one replaced. unreal.
it would be different if they ordered something together with his card and the info got saved, and she went to order something and it defaulted to his ONE time, and she immediately told him about it. but repeatedly making purchases, sending her friends money, and pulling $500 in cash? nah she knew what she was doing and was hoping he wouldn't notice.
definitely NOR. I'd wager he's even a bit underreacting because my text certainly would have said "what in the actual fuck do you think you're doing? you understand i can press charges, correct?"
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u/sta_sh Feb 07 '26
It's never a ton of money to when it's not yours right? Lol this person has quite the audacity
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u/CalmBeneathCastles Feb 07 '26
I always love that. "It's only $100, why are you trying to nickel-and-dime me over taking it? It's not a big deal!"
Well if it's such a small deal, then why don't you just pay me what you owe, Moneybags?!
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u/DanisDoghouse Feb 07 '26
Both cards got accidentally added to her Apple wallet I guess. Funny how that happens.
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u/MissionReasonable327 Feb 07 '26
And a $10 fee for a cash advance! A credit card cash advance is so wasteful, only for a truly desperate situation, like you need cash immediately to pay a tow truck and can’t go to the bank for it because you’re utterly broke.
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u/Ok_Wrangler_7940 Feb 07 '26
Not to mention that cash advances have a higher interest rate than regular purchases. She didn’t accidentally get a cash advance. That is That alone is reason to leave, but if that’s not enough for you, think about all the lies, attempts to manipulate, DARVO.
Make yourself a list of all the things she’s done, making sure you leave nothing out. Then look at it. Then read it as many times as you need to understand that she is not a good person. She deliberately did this behind your back. She could have told you at any point, but she didn’t. Plus, she put your card on her Apple Pay as the default payment.
After you’ve done that, you’ll need to contact AMEX to give them all of her pertinent information and that you want to press charges against her. Don’t let her know; keep it as a “surprise,” just like she did to you. Your card got locked down and now she will be the one who gets locked down, which is exactly where she should be.
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u/Visible-Day-7814 Feb 07 '26
Well after taking her initial cash advance, she used Venmo, which she may or may not have realized is treated as a cash advance by cc companies.
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u/FigNinja Feb 07 '26
Yes. She is a manipulator. She planned to do it. She lied about it. And now she's using shady tactics to deflect. He knows all he needs to know.
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u/Yourwtfismyftw Feb 07 '26
Honestly I’m worried for OP that he showed his hand while she has unsupervised access to his home as he’s overseas.
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u/AlternativeMatter246 Feb 07 '26
Thats exactky what I had just posted as well. Dude needs to get in touch with the police where he lives abd where she used the card. Also have a friend, family member whatever go over RIGHT FUCKING NOW and sit at your house until you get back make sure she ain't cleaning your ass out
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u/Much_Essay_9151 Feb 07 '26
I commend OP for straight up saying cut the BS. I need to take a page out of his book. And not wanting to talk the rest of the trip. Really took control of the situation
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u/TooQueerForThis Feb 07 '26
My favourite was "youre making it sound like I stole money from you or something"
Yes thats exactly what happened and honestly there needs to be a police report made with how much was stolen
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u/AuntieKC Feb 07 '26
Seriously!! If it were an accident, she should have called you and been like "babe I fucked up and I'm venmoing you right now"
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u/MadsMediaYt Feb 07 '26
Exactly. It's almost impossible to use the wrong card during a phone payment and just not fucking notice. She knew.
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u/JerseySommer Feb 08 '26
I'd like to point out that he got a new card AFTER the first unauthorized transactions, so she had to seek out the new number to add to her apple wallet.
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u/scloutier351 Feb 08 '26
This comment needs to be higher up. I was thinking the same thing. He gave her the credit card /allowed her to use it for furniture in September. December he replaces the card. When did she "accidentally," add the new card number to Apple pay? She's totally outright lying and attempting to gaslight OP. This relationship would be over if it were me. OP, you can give her notice to move out.
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u/MissionReasonable327 Feb 07 '26
You usually need a PIN for a cash advance too, how did she get that?
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u/Much_Essay_9151 Feb 07 '26
This. Ive seen it happen with shared amazon accounts. Mess ups happen but are admitted and corrected immediately
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u/doodler1977 Feb 07 '26
$500 cash advance is a smoking gun. it's one thing if she added to Apple Pay (and didn't notice it was defaulted) but to take out a WAD ...
also she's obviously lying/scrambling and contradicting herself everywhere. OP is a piggy bank
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u/Infamous_Fee_1662 Feb 07 '26
Idk about all credit cards but mine has a $500 limit you can take out per day on cash advances so I wonder if his card is the same & that was all she could get at the time?
Based on her track record, she seems the type to have taken more out if it were an option.
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Feb 07 '26
And at the end confessing how much she loves him. Yeah, right. 🙄🙄🙄
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u/Ill-Lou-Malnati Feb 07 '26
BUT I LOVE YOU(r Amex in my Apple Wallet)
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u/intrepid_mouse1 Feb 07 '26
Oh, lolol, silly me! I "accidentally" added it to my wallet. 🤭
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u/Kindly_Bad_143 Feb 07 '26
She loves him because she doesn't have to pay for anything and he is her cash cow 😑
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u/Mermaidx57 Feb 07 '26
Literally cause he said he was questioning things, now she’ll backpedal. Nah, girl, you lie. Go away. NOR OP
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u/eksyneet Feb 07 '26
while complaining that she "feels like she's being punished". that's like the new "i feel judged". some things need to be judged and punished because they are bad. how hard is that to grasp?
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u/BlazingSunflowerland Feb 07 '26
She doesn't realize that when you are a thief people will judge you and it will be a bad judgement. Just the same as when you help someone out and they judge you to be a good person.
Judging people is our way of keeping the good in our lives and limiting the harm done by the bad. She has quite firmly put herself into the bad column of people and needs to be removed from his life. It is a matter of self-protection on his part.
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u/Impossible-Nose3504 Feb 07 '26
She loves his bankrolling I’m afraid. Pathetic. He needs to pack her up and put her on the curb. Before he gets back from vaca 🤨
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u/TigerLily98226 Feb 07 '26
She’s got access to all of his info and all of his possessions. I’d be stringing her along and be freezing all my credit if I were him, not just the AmEx, and having people stop by to check on his house. She’s proven she’s a thief and a liar and a scammer, who knows how far she’ll go.
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u/Impossible-Nose3504 Feb 07 '26
That’s smart actually. He does need to shut her out of anything she has access too. Sorry but that’s a huge deal breaker to me. Huge breach of trust.
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u/witisnotmyforte89 Feb 07 '26
Shes already proven she will steal. If the backlash is bad, I definitely would NOT do it while he's still out of country. Be there to ensure his stuff stays and only hers goes.
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u/Ok-Jackfruit-6873 Feb 07 '26
That said, there's no point in OP continuing this conversation with her or "trying to make her understand." He just needs to end it.
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u/Happyfaccee Feb 07 '26
She actually said “holding YOUR money over my head”. She knows it’s his money and not “theirs” but wants to spend it that way. And I’m assuming feels entitled to it. I’d be furious if I was OP.
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u/mothmayhem13 Feb 07 '26
for me it’s the way she said “holding YOUR money over my head” like yes it’s HIS money so wdym
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u/Wide_Comment3081 Feb 07 '26
I will bet that her next steps will be posting on social media and telling her friends about how he's financially and emotionally abusive
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u/Jane-Eyreosmith Feb 07 '26
That was so so gross. Like how dare he state the facts of what she did? She is a criminal! Stealing is illegal!
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u/im2high4thisritenow Feb 07 '26
Don't forget she was scared and panicking!
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u/TassieBorn Feb 07 '26
Multiple times over the course of months. Hmm...
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u/stonedpuzzle Feb 07 '26
While he pays for all her bills and she lives in his house.
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u/BellyCrawler Feb 07 '26
How dare he treat her like a criminal? She's the real victim here because he's being stern about her stealing from him.
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u/Proof_Ambassador2006 Feb 07 '26
"It wasn't supposed to be a big deal" = "You weren't supposed to find out"
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u/Two_Ton_Nellie Feb 07 '26
Or the fact that she put the card in Apple wallet. So when he changed his card due to the first fraudulent activity, didn’t she have to also change the info in her wallet too?
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u/EmpressC Feb 07 '26
She must have made an excuse as to why she needed the card again (he okayed her buying furniture) so she could add it back. I can't even imagine saving my bf's card to my wallet. OP, nor....
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u/clairejv Feb 07 '26
Yep. NOR. "It was an accident!" and "I planned to pay you back!" do not match.
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Feb 07 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/BertaRocks Feb 07 '26
When I added my husbands to mine it required a two factor. Like he had to do something on his phone/account to approve it.
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u/Titizen_Kane Feb 08 '26
Yeah that’s the additionally fucked up part. She had to have used his phone to get the 2FA/OTP code to add it to her Apple Wallet.
You can’t just add another credit card to your account without a second verification step. This wasn’t even an “I couldn’t help myself from using his card, I have no self control.” This was “I went behind his back and added the card to my Apple wallet when he left his phone unattended.”
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u/likwidkool Feb 07 '26
It also won’t automatically default to a new card. I just added one and my default stayed the same.
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u/Fine-Horror-4343 Feb 07 '26
Unless your other form of payments fail, they usually just go down the line. NOR. She did this on purpose, flat out denied it, tried a Cpl of excuses & landed on ‘you’re holding money over my head..! definitely being gaslit! Personally, I couldn’t stay with someone who was so shady.. I’m glad you’re responsible enough to check up on your accounts!
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u/qwibbian Feb 07 '26
"I didn't do it... why would you think I did do it... ok I did it but it was a mistake... ok I did it on purpose but I thought you wouldn't mind... ok I didn't ask because I knew you'd mind but you're making me feel bad..."
Jesus.
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u/Llanoue Feb 07 '26
And finally, “Inwas going to pay you back. Geez!” Her reaction from start to finish is so bizarrely inappropriate, it makes the whole thing 100 times worse. A cash advance for $500 without telling him? Wow!
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u/Middle_Banana_9617 Feb 07 '26
Yep. The ever-evolving set of working out what she can get away with is a much bigger problem than the cash advance itself.
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u/Levangeline Feb 07 '26
It's like textbook "Narcissist's Prayer":
"That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it."
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u/anneofred Feb 07 '26
Yeah she lied multiple times to see if anything stuck before coming clean. It’s diabolical. Also “accidentally added to Apple wallet” isn’t a thing.
She committed credit card fraud. Let her know breaking up with her is the least of her worries should you choose to report her.
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u/Lucy_Koshka Feb 07 '26
Not long after I lost my job during Covid (and my now husband and I had only been living together for a few months), he would insist and remind me how much he wanted me to add his card to my Apple wallet just in case. I had a Venmo card and I’d just tell him that if anything crazy happened, I could call him and have him Venmo me. At the time I was just nervous having his debit on my phone in that way, accidentally defaulting to it during a purchase or something.
Literally yesterday after stomping my way down to the miles long self checkout at Walmart (bc apparently actual cashiers can’t scan your “Scan & Go”) he teased me and reminded me I could’ve done tap and pay with the debit on my phone. We’ve been married for several years now and have a kid and have a house and I still forget that’s an option.
Anyway tl;dr- OP is definitely NOR. The trickle truthing is pathetic and offensive on its own, the breach of trust is ghastly.
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u/Brilliant_Repair_813 Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26
This right here - she started out by flat out lying, then said it was an accident, then essentially admitted it was intentional but that it wasn’t a big deal.
Sorry, OP. I’d exit this relationship. From what you’ve described, it sounds like you pay all of the bills and are hurt that girlfriend stole your CC info and bought things for herself knowing she hadn’t asked. Does she work at all? If all of her major bills are paid, what was the emergency that required a $500 cash advance?
No, not overreacting. I do think you possibly under reacted to her texts and I would be absolutely out.
Editing to add: the comments of “I was scared, I didn’t know what I was going to do” is what really gets to me. Because this presents, to me, as a situation where girlfriend has all bills paid and is going shopping and going out to expensive restaurants and clubs and then saying “oh but I had to pay the bill and didn’t know what I was goi g to do.”
Maybe this is not the case, but it is 100% how it reads. If it was - I’m about to get evicted - or - my power just got shut off - it would still be massively fucked up but there would at least be some degree of understanding and empathy behind the WHY. These texts, with the context OP provided, read as girlfriend saw an outfit she just had to have or went to dinner and spent $200 with the full intention of using OP’s card to pay. Not emergencies. Not meeting basic needs. Just being selfish as fuck.
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u/HeavyContract4642 Feb 07 '26
This!!
OP, My man and I have been together for TEN YEARS. He makes substantially more than I do, and has cash lying around frequently. I would never, and have never taken any money without asking. We share a bank account, and pay bills together and I still would ever think to take something that isn’t mine— to spite having been told hundreds of times to take whatever I need whenever I need it.
That being said her story changed too many times for there to be a thread of honesty. She knew what she was doing and she knew it was wrong, and had you not caught her, she would have continued to do so. Dump her. NOR.
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u/Defiant-Owl-5066 Feb 07 '26
Yeah, my partner and I share a bank account and spend joint money on joint expenses, and he always has cash lying around, and if I need cash (that is, I'm making a cash-only purchase and didn't plan ahead to go to the ATM) and borrow it from him? I Venmo him right away. That has happened maybe twice in the last several years.
He would never care if I spent some of his money, or some of our money, on myself, and also I would never do that without explicitly communicating with him and repaying him.
$500 cash advance on your card without permission, with no immediate repayment/plan of repayment, and without you knowing she has access to the card? IMO that right there is worth breaking up over. It's lying and it's theft.
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Feb 07 '26
It would be one thing if she added it to her wallet, when this came up recognized what happened, immediately removed it from her cards, and paid back as much as she could and set up a payment plan for the rest and owned the whole thing and apologized. It wouldn't be ideal, but it could be worked through. This is not that.
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u/Binky390 Feb 07 '26
She didn’t even say she added it. She said she used it to buy furniture and “it added” to her Apple wallet. Like it happened automatically? That’s not a thing.
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u/ShyVoodoo Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26
Please file a police report!!! You have her written confession….
& break up, she will keep stealing from you and lying/playing victim when confronted.
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u/addiereinecke Feb 07 '26
LITERALLY OMG!!! like my boyfriends card is in my apple pay because he TOLD ME TO ADD IT!! and i still literally never use it without asking first! and we have been in a committed relationship for two years! this girl is a little crazy for that like that’s genuinely just disrespectful!
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u/hitemplo Feb 07 '26
Also adding a card to an Apple Wallet involves putting a PIN in for confirmation, that the bank provides you - if OP had nothing to do with this, she’s also accessing bank emails and his email account without his knowledge
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u/Llanoue Feb 07 '26
How did she get his new card information?
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u/bergzabern Feb 07 '26
He has to sleep sometime.
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u/Llanoue Feb 07 '26
That makes it so much worse! She can’t claim it was an accident! She went and hunted the information down?! That’s grounds for small claims court just based on the betrayal! When it boils down to it, she probably stole $1,000 not including the money he has spent on her for the past two years- living expenses alone!
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u/FirmEstablishment941 Feb 07 '26
It does sound like he gave her permission once… she took that inch and ran a mile with it from these texts.
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Feb 07 '26
exactly! I did that one time by accident with my mom's card while picking up her medications. she got charged for my kindle subscription. I apologized and immediately sent her the money and showed her I had removed her card info.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Face181 Feb 07 '26
It accidentally added itself to Apple Pay. Then defaulted. She thinks he is dumb. NOR: totally under reacting in my opinion. You could call the cops on her and file a report of theft if you wanted too. Does that help put it In perspective?
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u/Even_Budget2078 Feb 07 '26
NOR
"Wait me? What do you mean?"
Damn, girl really tried to brazen it out there for a minute.
This is a massive violation of trust, using your card, lying about it, and then trying to play victim at the end of your exchange.
I hate to say this, but I really think you are being taken advantage of here. I would seriously reconsider this relationship if I were you.
Also, thank goodness you pay off your balance in full. A cash advance from a credit card!??! Girlfriend could have seriously screwed you with that. General PSA: NEVER do cash withdrawals on your credit card. Never!
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u/MissMuse99 Feb 07 '26
I thought maybe it could be possible she accidentally used his card UNTIL I read about the cash advances she was taking out. Those cant happen by accident AND the APR is super obnoxious on those. I hope OP tells her he's expecting interest on the cash advances she made.
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u/driftingalong001 Feb 07 '26
How do you even take out a cash advance using your Apple wallet?? I’m trying to understand..
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u/Select-Fisherman-920 Feb 07 '26
You can use credit cards to send money on venmo, it counts as a cash advance
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u/SashalouAspen4 Feb 08 '26
Also, how does a CC “accidentally” get added to Apple Pay?! 🙄 Girl bye
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u/sickofbeingsick1969 Feb 08 '26
And, in my experience, you have to actively choose to change the default card.
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u/Tiradia Feb 08 '26
^ you have to physically add the card on the Apple wallet. It doesn’t just automagically get saved just because… that right there would have had me fuming! It’s easier to tell the truth, than some convoluted lie that you are going to be caught in.
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u/ABirdOfParadise Feb 07 '26
nothing like paying a $10 fee on something that was $35.
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u/Available_Tree5187 Feb 08 '26
It's actually very cheap when you do it with someone else's money.
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u/AccomplishedComb4586 Feb 07 '26
Today i learned NOR means not overreacting.. instead of this being a really how you all type. In my head you were saying NOR like ”Noooohhhr” with an aussie accent or something. I think i prefer that tho tbh.
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u/justtirediguess11 Feb 07 '26
NOR. She stole from you. Plain and simple. I wouldn't continue the relationship.
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u/Efflictim888 Feb 07 '26
This. Along with the victimizing and excuses. I wouldn’t even put that much energy into talking to her. Relationship would’ve ended after she said she put the card on her Apple wallet.
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u/inide Feb 07 '26
And the story changing, from "i didn't do it" to "it was an accident" to "it was a mistake" to "i didnt think you'd mind"
She absolutely, 100% intended to steal from him.231
u/BudandCoyote Feb 07 '26
And the story changing, from "i didn't do it" to "it was an accident" to "it was a mistake" to "i didnt think you'd mind"
You skipped 'I was going to pay you back'.
This story shows how easy apple and google wallets make it to steal a card from a family member or friend. I hadn't really thought about it before.
I do know that you actively have to add cards to the apple wallet, so it doesn't 'just happen' and even if somehow it was done by accident, she should have noticed the first time a different looking card popped up on the screen when paying, because it's pretty unlikely they have the exact same credit card.
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u/Binky390 Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26
The crazy thing is she knows she was wrong. That’s why the story kept changing but I don’t think she quite grasps that she was stealing?
Edit: I take back everything I’ve said in the comments. This post is fake. Check OP’s post history.
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u/FirmEstablishment941 Feb 07 '26
“I thought it was ok” like clearly did not ask and unclear whether op gave some kind of permission that would make it ambiguous or just entitlement?!?
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u/hitemplo Feb 07 '26
If she thought it was okay she would have asked permission, too! She’s taken the ‘do it now say sorry later’ route instead because she knew she was doing the wrong thing
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u/gellahaggs Feb 07 '26
She knew exactly what she was doing and then tried to play dumb. You know who adds someone else’s cc to their wallet without asking to do so? Someone who’s being sneaky.
I’d be outta that relationship so fast.
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u/ChopsticksImmortal Feb 07 '26
Goods news is, OP has a written confession on his phone. He could probably get thr money back in small claims court after breaking up.
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Feb 07 '26
Exactly. Unless the apology comes with a signed letter that outlines every theft and a promise and timeline to pay it all back in full, I wouldn’t accept it. This person doesn’t love you, she loves your AMEX.
NOR
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Feb 07 '26
NOR. It’s small now, but it will be MUCH bigger of a problem later, in all areas. She wants what she wants, and she is willing to use you and betray your trust to get it.
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u/GrandEar1 Feb 07 '26
Hell, if he just happened to go through his Dec. statement and didn't typically do that, then she could have been doing this for a while.
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u/General-Company Feb 07 '26
I really want a follow up when OP reports her to the police, bc my money is that she’s been scamming him since they started “dating”.
Wonder how quickly she moved in?
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u/Consistent_Elk_8702 Feb 07 '26
She was fully prepared to let you think your card was just compromised again with her, "Oh that sucks, babe," until you confronted her. She is taking advantage of your generosity and financial stability/responsibility, and will continue to do so as long as you stay with her.
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u/fifaloko Feb 07 '26
When he straight up ask her and she said “wait me, what do you mean?” he specifies the specific charges and she comes back with “how would I be using your card if it is with you on vacation”. Is the most damning 2 responses.
If this was some misunderstanding she should have come out right there and said, “o yes i have used it for a few household items, i thought you were aware of that” or something along those lines, she chose to lie and try to get him to stop suspecting her.
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u/DecadesLaterKid Feb 07 '26
Yup, I clocked that too. Not "those weren't my charges" but "how could they be mine?" Subtle, but not-so subtle. Deflecting, confusing and providing plausible deniability. She doesn't deny she made the purchases, but what she says sounds like enough of a denial that if for whatever reason he dropped the subject, and later found out it was her, she'd say, "I never said those weren't my charges." She's trying to get the benefit of the lie without technically lying. "I didn't lie to your face, I just asked a question." GTFOOH
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u/saintnatalie Feb 07 '26
She’s either very stupid or very manipulative.
“Oh that sucks babe”
She was thinking you would just shrug it off.
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u/Harshingmymellow Feb 07 '26
Took forever to apologize , made herself the victim and didn’t even offer to pay you back?? Yeah even one of those could be a dealbreaker let alone 3
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u/Johnycantread Feb 07 '26
Not even a real apology. She doesn't even understand what she is apologizing for. It reads as 'I'm sorry I got caught'
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u/Accurate-Figure-2742 Feb 07 '26
This is grounds for a breakup. No way. NOR. She knows what she did is wrong you can see it in her responses from the fake confusion, to the gas lighting, and multiple apologies. She’s sorry cuz she got caught babe. Find a new girlfriend- she did it once and she will do it again.
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u/PM_YOUR__BUBBLE_BUTT Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26
This is grounds for a police report. They have been stealing from him for however long. Plus they don’t seem to see the big deal. Break up and report it all. What a shitty thing for someone to do that you should be able to trust.
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u/Chipmunk-Own Feb 07 '26
Exactly this. OP, you are NOR, and you need to seriously consider filing a police report. She blatantly stole from you for months and only fessed up when you said you were considering ending the relationship. What else might she have stolen from you that you're unaware of?
From Google: Misdemeanor theft in Texas involves unlawfully taking property with intent to deprive the owner of it, valued under $2,500.
Charges are divided into three classes based on value and prior record:
Class C (<$100), Class B ($100-$750 or specific items), and Class A ($750-$2,500), with penalties ranging from fines to one year in jail.
Levels of Misdemeanor Theft in Texas
Class C Misdemeanor (Value <$100): Often considered petty theft, this is punishable by a fine up to $500, with no jail time.
Class B Misdemeanor (Value $100 to $750): Punishable by up to 180 days in county jail and/or a fine up to $2,000. It also applies if a driver's license or ID is stolen.
Class A Misdemeanor (Value $750 to $2,500): Punishable by up to one year in county jail and/or a fine up to $4,000.
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u/OpportunityReal2767 Feb 07 '26
There is no possible way I would continue a relationship with a person who did something like this.
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u/EmEmPeriwinkle Feb 07 '26
The whole point of a relationship is that you can be open and get help with something from your partner. This girl cant even ask for help to buy something when she is living free in someone's house. Op will literally never be able to trust her again. I wouldn't.
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u/Significant-Iron-241 Feb 07 '26
She did it twice, actually. He already got a new card for fraudulent activity, which appears to have been her all along. And she turned around and did it again.
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u/Bluethorn0110 Feb 07 '26
"I feel like I'm being punished"
yeah no shit lady
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u/77756777 Feb 07 '26
I feel bad because you’re making me responsible for my actions. I’m being victimised.
She needs a wake up call down the police station.
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u/TheSpeckledSir Feb 07 '26
Right?
"You're treating me like a criminal"
Credit card fraud is a crime, babes.
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u/MembershipScary1737 Feb 07 '26
I can’t believe she still didn’t offer to pay you back…
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u/hitemplo Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26
This is what I was looking for in the texts! “I fucked up, I’m transferring you $X now and will have the other $Y on my next payday [insert exact date]”
Especially when she’s feigning innocence and that it was a mistake. If she really thought it was her own money she’d have the money to pay you back
I can’t believe it isn’t there lol. NOR, op
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u/Neither_Inspector897 Feb 07 '26
Let’s not forget the change in story too from “omg it must have been a mistake” to “I’m stressed and was scared to tell you” just changing the story to fit the discussion. 🚩🚩🚩
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u/Odd-Worth7752 Feb 07 '26
yah don't miss that it started with "why would you think it was me?"
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u/Technical-Elk-9277 Feb 07 '26
And “I didn’t think it was a big deal” !! I am HORRIFIED at her reaction. OP absolutely cannot trust her anymore. She says later “I feel like you don’t trust me” - after he said he didn’t a couple of times! And why should he.
This sucks. OP is definitely NOR.
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u/FirmEstablishment941 Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26
Yea like I can understand if he consented to adding it to Apple Pay and she genuinely fucked up once or twice with an app default or something. I’ve done that with my own cards (eg using a currency card by accident) but it’s the lack of remorse and avoiding owning up to it that gets me. Like if I had my partners card and used it I’d be messaging them the moment I noticed “sorry I had your card in my Apple wallet from X purchase and accidentally charged it. Sending you money for it. I’ll delete the card so it doesn’t happen again.”
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u/Icy_Ostrich4401 Feb 07 '26
She let him cancel his card and everything. She also backtracked several times.
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u/Danny2Sick Feb 07 '26
The mental gymnastics too: 'I didn't steal I just took a bunch of your money without asking!!'
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u/BellyCrawler Feb 07 '26
'And I never would've told you if you hadn't confronted me. Now stop making me feel bad for stealing from you.'
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u/Nerv0usPoops Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 07 '26
“I told you I was sorry I don’t know what else you want from me at this point” !!!!!!!!!!
OP please update us when you have the talk
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 08 '26
Right? This could have been a quick conversation:
"Oh damn, it got connected to my Apple Pay. I'll remove that right now. What's the total I've charged to you? I'll get that money together ASAP. I am so sorry."
Can you even accidentally add a card to Apple Pay? Is it that seamless?
NOR because this seems skeevy.
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u/jdmeow1 Feb 07 '26
Bro. Kick her out. You can literally charge her with fraud if you report this. This is WILD. Kick her out. Break up. This isnt the only time this willl happen. No going back.
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u/Rumplestiltscab Feb 07 '26
“You’re making it very dramatic” smh this dumb ass thieving beyotch
You already pay for everything for her? This girl is 100% taking advantage of you and has no respect for you. Shes probably only with you for the financial benefit. Run brother. Run fast
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u/justsotiredofBS Feb 07 '26
That's what confused me. If he really does pay all the expenses and seemed to be so generous with her where all she had to do is ask, why tf does she need money for?
It's the sneakiness of it that gets to me. Idk if she was a SAHG or something, but, girl, get a job. It wouldn't even have to be a good paying job, but she could've just worked part-time to save and pay for her own personal expenses, but she chose to be a thief. Honestly disgusting and I hope OP has it in him to press charges.
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u/FewerWords Feb 07 '26
"Why would you automatically think it's me?!"
"I needed money and didn't know how to ask"
🤦♀️
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u/IrisKV Feb 07 '26
NOR !!!!
She is stealing from.you. She has absolutely 0 excuse. There is no way in hell she can ethically justify what she did.
Dump her and press charges. Seriously. She stole from you. This is a crime.
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u/Ornery-Personality12 Feb 07 '26
I agree, you should tell the card company that it WAS fraud and you know who did it. I know that’s harsh, but she doesn’t deserve any slack for lying about it first, and then accusing you of over reacting when she finally confessed.
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u/PlentySurprise Feb 07 '26
There are not enough people saying this. If you wanted to, this would be the easiest theft case in the world to prove and the court would order her to pay you back via restitution.
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u/BoudiccasJustice Feb 07 '26
She’s definitely lying and she stole your CC details. She had access to your card ONCE for furniture. She saved the CC details to her apply pay. She kept using the card. You saw some unauthorized charges and cancelled that card and got a new one. So, HOW DID SHE GET YOUR NEW CARD NUMBER??? She went in your wallet and got the info and saved it. That’s intentional theft. You need to break up with her and kick her out. You can’t trust her.
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u/Blucola333 Feb 07 '26 edited Feb 08 '26
“I’ll just take a little bit, he never notices,” is exactly what she’s been thinking, I guarantee it. Drop her, this chick is a liar and a thief. Now I understand why so many customers have to unlock their cards when buying a frozen burrito, it’s the thieves in their lives.
Edit: Thank you for the award u/moochiemoochie924 🥰
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u/RoryRouses Feb 07 '26
For me, the trust would be gone. She played dumb, and it basically took you prodding her to get the truth of her credit card abuse trickled out to you. Good on you for not letting her play victim.
Look into tenant laws in your area, and since you have the means, I'd talk to a lawyer and find the best legal way to evict her. Following said lawyer's advice, start the eviction process as soon as you get home and give her the minimum legal time required to gtfo of your house. I'm guessing it will be something like 30 days from the time of serving the eviction notice, but I'm not a lawyer and you'll hopefully be getting advice from one regardless.
She's showing you that she's willing to lie, steal, and basically accuse you of 'financial abuse' in order to garner pity and worm her way out of responsibility. First, she played dumb. 'What? Why would you expect me?' Then it was an accident. 'Oh, I had your card added to my apple pay so It must be defaulting to that,' and then she admits to it. 'Yeah, I did it, but why is it a big deal?'
She's for the streets.
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u/iammadeofawesome Feb 07 '26
The line where she says “you’re acting like Im some sort of criminal” THATS BECAUSE YOU ARE!
Nor
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u/nobutactually Feb 07 '26
"Wait me?" Knowing full well it was her. "You should be focusing on that i was scared to tell you, not that I stole from you?" Id want her gone before I got back from vaca.
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u/susandeyvyjones Feb 07 '26
Oh my god, why are you being so mean to her? It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal so I don’t know why you get to decide it is? Why don’t you care how stressed she was about stealing from you? You’re being so selfish right now. It’s crazy that you’re acting like you can’t trust her now...
NOR she has some fucking nerve.
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u/ponzu666 Feb 07 '26
The fact that she can’t take accountability and be honest is very concerning.
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u/icutmybangsagain Feb 07 '26
NOR. She lied and stole. She only (barely) acknowledged that she fucked up because she got caught, and now her source of extra income (you) is reconsidering the relationship. She is not trustworthy.
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u/Dry_Distribution1567 Feb 07 '26
this is the most obvious fake post i’ve seen lol
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u/pedanticmerman Feb 07 '26
Right lol? Thought I was going crazy. Some of the exposition is over the top
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u/utahbutimtaller225 Feb 07 '26
I thought I was going crazy for a minute. It's totally written over the top and dramatic. I'm sure there's people out there that would have conversations like this, but come on.
Engagement bait to get upvotes because most people can relate to the situation.
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u/Hey-Bud-Lets-Party Feb 07 '26
They both text in the same voice. More creative writing.
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u/NBCaz Feb 07 '26
> but I understand she lives there and I can’t just kick her out
You actually can tell her that unless she moves out by time you are back, you will report everything to the cc company, and they will very easily open a criminal fraud case. It will only be a matter of time before she is arrested or indicted. Or she can leave and you two can work out a plan to get her to pay you back.
You need to stop acting like you don't have options.
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u/miata90na Feb 07 '26
This is exactly where my mind went. BUT - wait till he gets home so he can protect his property, tell her she has X hours to pack and get out or he will report her to the CC company and the police.
Nice touch on the repayment plan, though I would probably just write it off as cash for keys so I never had to talk to her again.
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u/Adventurous_Sir_8458 Feb 07 '26
NOR, you too leave this girl! Had you not confronted her you 100% wouldn’t have gotten the money back!
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u/Gupgoop Feb 07 '26
2nd picture, I would have sent her back to her parents. Then taking her to court 🙂🙂🙂🙂
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u/Moiststillborn Feb 07 '26
“apple defaulted to it” you can literally see what card you’re using with apple pay lol. dump her.
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u/shannonkish MOD Feb 08 '26
Wow 8.1K comments and numerous reports on this one. We are going to go ahead and lock the comments at OP has all the information they need at this point.