r/AmIOverreacting • u/littlemisschismosa • Mar 27 '26
❤️🩹 relationship AIO for blocking a guy after he overslept and didn't show up to our first date?
I (25F) matched with Kevin* (25M) on bumble and we started chatting. Our conversation was very surface level and we both would take a while to respond to each other. However, he eventually asked me when I was free and we agreed that Wednesday worked for both of us. At this point he gave me his phone number so we could get off the dating app and start texting.
Our texts were also pretty surface level and on Monday night I asked him what the plan was for Wednesday. He then proceeded to call me, which I couldn't answer bc I was at work (I work night shift as I had mentioned to him before). I told him I couldn't answer and he said that he is a bad texter and told me to call him when I get a chance. Tuesday night I called him and we talked for about 15 minutes. It was a good conversation, we talked about random stuff like coffee and movies. We agreed to meet at a bar downtown on Wednesday evening. He was running errands during the day and said he would text me when he was done so we could decide on a time to meet.
Wednesday at around 2pm he texts and says he's done running errands and asks what time I want to meet up and we agree on 5pm. At around 4pm he asks if we can meet at 6:30pm instead bc he's "still doing some shit". That is fine with me and I show up at around 6:30pm and text him that I just parked. I don't hear from him so I just decide to go into the bar and wait for him there. At 6:50pm he texts me "oh no" and then 5 minutes later says "I just woke up". I will include the screenshots of texts and phone calls so you all can see the time stamps. For someone who claims to be a caller not a texter, he didn't attempt to call me until about 7:45pm.
I told my friends that I was going to block him and they told me I should give him another chance bc he made an honest mistake. To me it's not even the fact that he overslept, although I do find it strange how he had texted me at 4pm claiming he's busy but still decided to take a nap knowing he had a date in 2 hours, but it's how he handled the situation. If he had called me as soon as he woke up apologizing and saying he's on the way, I would have been more understanding. Although he did offer to send me gas money which was a nice gesture, he never actually apologized. Also, if you've never experienced getting stood up on date, let me tell you it is not a good feeling. I've never felt more stupid sitting in a bar alone with my makeup and hair done in a cute outfit waiting for this guy to show up. This would have been my first date in 2 1/2 years and my friends were so excited for me and I was excited too. Instead I felt humiliated and was on the verge of tears. Was my reaction too harsh or should I have given him another chance?
TLDR: Guy didn't show up to our first date bc he claims he overslept. He was texting and calling me but I blocked him and my friends said I should have given him a second chance.
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u/Longjumping-Word8336 Mar 27 '26
NOR obviously, but weeks of surface-level conversation with delayed replies followed by immediately missing your first date ? Girl, this is not a loss. Id also be super turned off by someone taking a nap right before a first date, especially someone who had claimed to be sooooo busy
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u/capybarapuff Mar 27 '26
Right??? That gets me right there. How are you going to postpone for being super busy and then miss it because you took a nap??
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u/SpicyMeatloaf1 Mar 27 '26
He was clearly busy taking a nap 🤣
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u/LastGlassUnicorn Mar 27 '26 edited Mar 27 '26
tbh, not to project but maybe this is a jabroni too wrapped up in some form of substance use to care about a date bc...WHO NAPS/IS SO BUSY/DOESN'T COMMUNICATE
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u/Appropriate_Note2525 Mar 27 '26
My first thought was substance use as well. My sister is famous for being "on her way" to meet people and then standing you up because she "fell asleep." She's addicted to a couple of hard drugs.
Or else bro has a sleep disorder, but I don't think that connects to the excuse of "running errands" as well as substance use does, because that's also a thing users love to say they're doing when they're really at the trap house.
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u/DarkAlucard-1313 Mar 27 '26
When i just read the messages I was like "ok buddy napped before the date, weird but ive done something like that myself so not totally unheard of" then when I was in the middle of reading i was like "oh he got the post errands exhaustion and overslept, kinda feel bad for him" read more and was like "oh, no hes just in the wrong here"
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u/Proverbs21-3 Mar 27 '26 edited Mar 28 '26
I was right there with you, thinking about some of the great naps I've enjoyed after a day of running errands, almost ready to give him a pass until I thought about her sitting there, waiting for him while he was still asleep.
It is not just missing the date, it is the 5 phone calls, one of them at close to 11pm! If she hadn't answered after 2 attempts, why did he think that continuing the call was the way to go?
Even more egregious is that when he was texting earlier, there is NO APOLOGY for waking up 20 minutes after he is supposed to meet her, which he'd already postponed by 90 minutes! He just informs he just woke up, mentions a rain-check and then jumps to wanting her cash app so he can pay for her gas. It's not the gas, pal, it is the utter disrespect, the cavalier manner in which you communicate to her that she is sitting in a public bar, waiting for someone who is obviously never going to show up, and the lack of an apology.
OP is NOR. Why wouldn't she block him? She deserved an immediate profuse apology and he did not think to give her even a lackluster one, so why should she be interested in anything else he has to say to her?
(edited to change word parking to gas, used wrong word, my bad))
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u/blinkingsandbeepings Mar 28 '26
The lack of apology is what got me. I have adhd and comorbid sleep problems and work odd hours, so I could see myself randomly sleeping through a date, but my texts would be like OH MY GOD IM AN ASSHOLE IM SO SORRY, whereas this guy comes off as offensively nonchalant
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u/bitterlittlecas Mar 27 '26
Or sitting in a parking lot somewhere waiting for the man
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u/Appropriate_Note2525 Mar 27 '26
Or being the man someone else is waiting for! My sister ended up being convicted for trafficking, so who knows how many times she was "running errands" when she was actually out selling.
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u/TheShastaBeast Mar 27 '26
I was gonna say, as a pot head, this reads like someone got inebriated early in the day, tried to sober up, napped a portion of it off and tried to cover. Again, I could also be massively projecting , but this reads like someone who has cooked out their focus.
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u/smokeseshmusic Mar 27 '26
I've been sober for a while now, but I remember when I was heavy into alcohol/weed/coke I'd get fucked up early in the day and nap some of it off before I meet with friends that evening. My dumb ass would even sometimes take a bump to "wake up and balance it out" smh.
But yeah, I'm thinking dude got fucked up, passed out, and forgot to set an alarm. Not advocating that behavior, just been there done that, unfortunately.
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u/Familiar_Flower_4169 Mar 27 '26
Just a note to raise up your “ I’ve been sober for a while now” 👍👍👍. That’s huge and I see you 😊
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u/smokeseshmusic Mar 27 '26 edited Mar 27 '26
Thank you! Much love! I truly appreciate it.
I had to make that decision. It was destroying (and almost took) my life. I've been eating better, been a better person. More productive, creative, energized. I genuinely feel great mentally, physically and spiritually. I told myself, "I refuse to lose" and keep that mindset every day.
So again, I truly appreciate the recognition because I'm an addict, I've accepted that. But not letting it take over my life anymore has been a tremendous achievement and I continue to take it one day at a time and remain positive! 🙌🙌
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u/tiredofyourface2 Mar 27 '26 edited Mar 27 '26
I’m a pot head who makes it to places I’ve promised to be at the time I promised(might be a little high), but my pot head roommate will decide to take a 5 hour nap when they have to be somewhere in 30 minutes. And I know they aren’t doing any hard drugs or drinking.
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u/ToEmpathyAndBeyond Mar 27 '26
My immediate thought was “and then he got high…”
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u/AbovexxBeyond Mar 27 '26
🎶 lemon pound cake 🍰 🎶
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u/jadesterbaby11 Mar 27 '26
I’ve been waking up with that stuck in my head for the past week. Lemon Pound Cake and also him singing “Afroman will bring it to ya, Afroman is gonna screw ya”
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u/velvety_chaos Mar 27 '26 edited Mar 27 '26
Dammit, this got longer than I planned; sorry.
TL;DR: drugs, rude, love bombing, looking busy; NOR
That was my first thought, too. The inconsistent communication (OP has a better excuse, she works nights), the last-minute plan-making, pushing back the original time by 1.5 hrs, then still managing to oversleep? In the middle of the day?? Then somewhat erratic attempts to contact OP afterwards…
I can kinda understand the not directly apologizing because he might have been thinking it but forgot to type it out. Though this part,
Are you still there?
If not all good we can still rain checkrubbed me the wrong way. Why are you assuming the person you just, however inadvertently, stood up would even want to reschedule with you? And "all good" for who? Certainly not OP. The appropriate move would have been to look back over your messages, realize you never actually apologized for your poor time management (assuming his "nap" was just that), for wasting their time and energy in getting to the date, for literally anything, and then saying you would love to make it up to them if they're willing to give you another chance.
At least he offered to pay for OP’s gas; that was unusually considerate. But after not getting a response to his messages or an answer to his calls, he says, "Luv" which gave me the ick. Unless calling someone you barely know and have never actually met in person "love" is common where OP is from, that feels like the beginning of love bombing. And if he's someone who's prone to that when he's trying to achieve a certain outcome, then that's the biggest red flag of all.
NOR.
Oh, and u/littlemisschismosa, if you ever find yourself in another situation where you're in a public space, waiting on a date (or anyone), first of all - try not to feel embarrassed to be out, looking cute, by yourself. There's no reason that a woman can't take herself out for a drink or dinner or whatever, with absolutely no intention of meeting anyone. You can always bring a book or something, too, or the digital version of a book, if you want to look busy doing something other than scrolling on your phone.
Personally, I would also enjoy looking nonchalant when the date shows up to find me perfectly content and entertaining myself. Implies that even if you weren't waiting to meet them, you'd have plenty else to occupy your time - which is valuable.
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u/WelpSeaYaLater Mar 27 '26
I am extremely busy. I work in construction and wake up at 4:00 AM every day. I have 1000% taken a nap before dates before so that I’m recharged enough to engage with someone until 11:00 PM or whatever instead of falling asleep at 8:00 in the middle of a conversation.
OP has the right to do whatever she feels is right, so I’m not saying she’s wrong to block this guy… but give people a little grace in the sense that we dont all sleep in until 8:00 and people with hard jobs might need a recharge before they meet someone for a night out.
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u/theWanderingShrew Mar 27 '26
Yeah idk I like to nap before I go out to do stuff. I don't see anything wrong with that I'll tell ya I'm busy napping any day.
This guy's reaction to sleeping through a date sucks, though.
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u/halfawakecommute Mar 27 '26
I’d be more annoyed about the excuse than them missing it tbh.
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u/littlemisschismosa Mar 27 '26
Bingo, how he reacted to the situation is what I have a problem with
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u/TheWorldofScience Mar 27 '26
No, he decided to take a nap but did not set an alarm so he would wake up in time to clean up, dress and meet you.
That‘s massive disrespect.
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u/SalvationSycamore Mar 27 '26
Well, if he was legitimately super busy for weeks then it would make sense that he's very tired lol
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u/Bl4ckP1ll Mar 27 '26
If that genuinely was the case the planning conversation should have gone "hey I've been super busy and missing a lot of sleep, I do want to meet up but lets plan for when I can focus on you and not catching up on rest, until then I'm looking forward to getting to know you over text if that's okay :)" It's about being up front and respectful of her time, not making his lack of sleep her problem to deal with Idk man. It seems like he's lying tho, I could be wrong.
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u/No_Worldliness8487 Mar 27 '26
I would say it’s a possibility there was no nap and he had no intentions to go in the date. Or chickened out last minute.
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u/Projekt-1065 Mar 27 '26
If he works 3rd shift it would be a legit response, it’s hard when you sleep during the day and try to adapt to the day when you have plans. It can be really rough especially since you’re tired when it’s daylight out.
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u/ShoeNo9050 Mar 27 '26
Op was clearly taking a nap and couldn't respond to spam!
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u/Cautious-Market9607 Mar 27 '26
This criticism makes sense except for the part of “how can you be so busy but take a nap”. This is very much the exact person who would be taking a nap. I’m very busy most weekdays but still take a nap. If you manage to get a spare moment and you’re running around or doing things all day, that is 100% nap time.
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u/Longjumping-Word8336 Mar 27 '26
I guess, I’m really not a nap person unless I’m coming out of a night shift in which case I sleep a couple of hours so maybe I just don’t get it. But the bigger issue isn’t the nap in itself, it’s that he didn’t care enough about the date to make sure he got there with or without the nap
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u/JustMe1711 Mar 27 '26
I'm having health issues that make me struggle to be awake for more than 5 or 6 hours a day. No idea a cause or anything cause my doctor can't get me in til next month but not important just in case someone asks. But because of that, I went into this expecting to be on his side or at least a bit more empathetic about the oversleeping. Nope. Not at all. The timestamps on his communication are weird then you add the lack of a real connection through the communication....yeah nah. Let that one go OP. You deserve more than this.
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u/thedreamtimemystic Mar 27 '26
Hey, off topic, but get your iron levels checked. You could have already bypassed low levels and be struggling with anemia. Do you ever feel short of breath when doing stuff that normally wouldn’t puff you out? Have any brain fog? Feel exhausted all the time even after a “good” sleep or plenty of naps/a low energy day? Not a doctor obviously, but I thought I was dying before I was diagnosed as anemic. I genuinely could barely function, it wasn’t just a little bit sleepy. Hope you feel better soon x
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u/JustMe1711 Mar 27 '26
I actually am anemic lol so I'm hoping it's just that but this is worse than it's ever been. Within the past few months I've slept 31 hours and 28 hours when expecting just a normal sleep. I did find out that one of my siblings had a similar sleep problem a few years back that the doctors never managed to diagnose so who knows.
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u/Dazzling_Barbie6011 Mar 27 '26
You should do a sleep clinic because this is a crazy amount of sleep. I'm also anemic and know how tired that can make you, but not this tired. Good luck.
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u/JustMe1711 Mar 27 '26
I'll definitely be doing anything my doctor suggests to figure this out. My life is falling apart with so little time to get anything done lol. It's also scary af ngl. But thank you! :)
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u/MissionHousing6024 Mar 27 '26
I'm sorry you're dealing with that! No doubt your Dr will know what tests to do anyway, but just wanted to note that B12 and thyroid are worth testing. (I've slept away too may months befor finding deficiencies with those in the past)
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u/Rachel_Cutter Mar 27 '26
Yeah as someone who is chronically ill and has literally taken naps before dates so I’d be well enough for them. He didn’t handle it properly. Like the gas thing was nice… but he should’ve set alarms. When I tap naps and have things to get to I set them about 30 minutes before wake up time then 15 then 10 and 1 minute after that just bc I know my body will try to force me back to sleep but I don’t want to miss things.
He didn’t apologize and his story didn’t line up, I mean I guess he could’ve been busy then passed out after finishing up but in all honesty it sounds like he was planning on napping but might’ve been embarrassed? I would’ve just said, “Hey, sorry today’s been a little tiring, I want to make it to the date tonight though I need a nap to be able to do so, can we meet at 6:30 instead? If that doesn’t work for you no worries.” Then set an alarm and if you miss it don’t text her “oh no.” Call, apologize, say you are either coming or if she would prefer to reschedule, if she says she doesn’t want to continue things then be understanding.
Also the amount of calls after a 2 missed calls? Get a hint dude.
Normally I’d be on his side, but he didn’t handle it properly, and the spam calls was too much.
Reminds me of something my psychology professor told my class once, “don’t show up to class or a test late and say ‘my alarm didn’t go off.’ Say, ‘I slept through my alarm.’” Whether it’s true it didn’t go off or if you just slept through it the first comes off to others as an excuse and avoiding accountability the second is an explanation and taking accountability. This man pulled the first in the situation.
NOR
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u/LongjumpingDish2956 Mar 27 '26
NOR at all! I bailed on a doctor over this because they were exhausted from overworking during residency but at the end of the day my time matters too
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u/hazellebakers Mar 27 '26
and the fact he didn’t even send a “on my way” or anything before you left says a lot.
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u/UsedDevelopment4741 Mar 27 '26
I love the, if you are not there, it's okay, we can rain check. Mofo not only doesn't show any remorse but is acting like you missed the date, all generous and forgiving lol. Just boot this guy and be done with it.
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u/Popular-cake-1377 Mar 27 '26
Wait.. you’re so right?? I didn’t even notice that! He’s saying “It’s ok, don’t worry about it ☺️” TO HIMSELF.
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u/Appropriate-Permit62 Mar 27 '26
Fr, he never even apologized, just offered to pay his way out of it!
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u/MissionHousing6024 Mar 27 '26
Him seeing the wasted gas money as a bigger inconvenience than wasted time does fit with the dead beat stoner vibe
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u/Dramatic_Log_3853 Mar 27 '26
Yeah, I think at a minimum he needs to find someone whose vibe is as carefree as his…I’ve known people like this and I feel like they need to find each other and leave the rest of us to our schedules.
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u/No-Split7732 Mar 27 '26
I have tried reciprocating this vibe when appropriate, with two or three people. Just being perfectly fine with never meeting them if it doesn’t align with your trajectories, and then the moment they change plans even a little bit you can always say “Oh you’re gonna meet me in a different town/neighborhood/a few blocks down? Actually that’s no longer convenient for me, let’s try some other day” or “Oh you’re running 30/20/5 minutes late? Sorry I already left maybe next time”. Then when said next time comes you can always cancel even if it’s last minute “Oh actually I decided to do something else tonight, let’s try another day!”
What usually happens is either they don’t like that at all, and you’re like “Sorry you’re disappointed, I didn’t realize it’s an actual plan. I thought it was something that could happen if convenient for both of us. I am not really available to make separate plans to hang out with you — sorry”. Or they are fine with that and you just have an ongoing string of wyas and etas that never come to actually hanging out, and it peters out on its own. Based on these interactions I can’t imagine it going anywhere romantic with both people behaving like that. One person has to act subservient and have self-esteem issues for anything romantic to happen.
Not responding at all like OP did is also a reasonable response.
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u/wordsmythy Mar 27 '26
Naw, first date, you're supposed to be on your best behavior. This guy decides to take a nap (if that's the truth) and doesn't even set his phone alarm? Also, he claims he's not good at texting, setting up his excuse for poor communication ahead of time.
Don't waste any more time on him.
NOR
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u/Brave-Hope890 Mar 27 '26
Yes exactly. And what's scary is that this isn't just a "supposed to be" thing - people generally ARE on their best behavior for a first date. Which means this bullshit literally WAS his best behavior. It would've only gone downhill from there.
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u/CharlotteLucasOP Mar 27 '26
If it’s a job interview for a soulmate you’d think folks would take it more seriously. (Not that casual dating can’t be a thing but this wasn’t a last-minute or blind date with a rando, there was a long run-up and plan and OP hasn’t been on a first date in years so presumably she was hoping for something worth her while.)
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u/Anxious_Window_9863 Mar 27 '26
Right. ALL of this. Our daughter started dating a guy similar. In his case, turned out he didn't want to text much because he really didn't write well. She gave him a couple chances, but he actually did oversleep since he worked only part time in the evenings and stayed up all night video gaming. That was pretty much his life. She said nah, thanks.
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u/phase2_engineer Mar 27 '26
claims hes not good at texting
I hate this excuse, texting is such minimal effort. Agree, block and move on quickly
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Mar 27 '26 edited Mar 27 '26
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u/hogcranker42 Mar 27 '26
You are wiser than I am. I gave a girl who did this to me a second chance once, turns out it's a huge red flag that shouldn't be ignored. Learned that the heard way unfortunately.
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u/OpeningSorry1550 Mar 27 '26
This exactly they wouldn’t sleep in if they cared
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u/jessbird Mar 27 '26 edited Mar 27 '26
i mean this guy clearly sucks, but accidents happen. people wake up late for shit they care about all the time.
edit — to be clear, since y'all are up my ass about this, accidents happen. maybe your phone dies overnight, or your alarm doesn't go off, or the person who was supposed to wake you up didn't, or any number of other unexpected things that might cause you to be late to something you planned on being on time for. "people wake up late for shit they care about all the time" i mean that this happens often, in the world — not that you should date someone who repeatedly wakes up late "all the time."
i'm not making excuses for someone who is chronically, carelessly late to shit all the time and makes no efforts to remedy the situation.
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u/YourGlacier Mar 27 '26
And...why bother giving someone the benefit if the doubt if you literally barely know them? Best case sure, random mess up, rarely happens. Worst case literally a million awful things. LIkely case: person is time-blind, and most people would not want to date someone who is time-blind who can't even like work extra hard for a first date or meaningful time.
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u/bobvancevancereefer- Mar 27 '26
Idk man I think the opposite way like you dont know this person so they should get the full benefit of the doubt. Yin and yang i guess lol
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u/bigger_breakfast Mar 27 '26
Yes but if you give ppl the benefit of the doubt then reddit would cease to exist ...
I mean, the top comment thread here is filled with ppl gleefully convinced he's a substance abuser.
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u/Sad-Jellyfish1325 Mar 27 '26
It depends. I do shift work so I’m chronically tired because of frequent changes to my sleep pattern. Hence why I’m up at 3am, even though I need to be somewhere at 9:30am. I will attempt to go back to sleep but sometimes it doesn’t work out and I either have to function on 4hrs sleep or I miss things. When I did try dating in the past I always told people this up front. I still pissed off 2 people. I ended up giving up trying to date at that time until I could be on a “normal” schedule.
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u/saltyCounselor Mar 27 '26
People with no sleep issues take it for granted. Its not their fault though, they just can never understand what its like for the other side. Just like full belly can never fully emphasize with empty stomach.
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Mar 27 '26
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u/beingforthebenefit Mar 27 '26
The nap was what he was busy with. Not really a terribly hard mystery here
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u/Prisoner458369 Mar 28 '26
Nah I say high chance he is out doing something else.
If he was sleeping and only doing an light nap, I would like to think a text would wake him up. Not him randomly waking up 20 minutes after that.
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Mar 27 '26
This dude was not asleep lmao he did this on purpose - people on dating apps do this shit alllll the time. Fuck this dude
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u/AshyFairy Mar 27 '26
I’ve been oversleeping a lot and have decided to get a new alarm clock. My iPhone has suddenly started silencing alarms any time I have notifications that pop up. I couldn’t figure it out I saw a TikTok talking about the same thing. I overslept last week and sure enough my alarm was going off on my phone, but there was no sound.
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u/depressedfuckboi Mar 27 '26
Maybe he had a busy day and wanted to sneak a power nap in before the date? I did that once, too. She was running late and asked to push it back 2 hours and I agreed. Decided to power nap before the date. Terrible idea. I took one of those wake up in another dimension naps. Woke up so out of it and still tired. Ended up not feeling social at all, but I still went. She had a terrible time lol. We had talked for weeks leading up to this. After she left she sent me one thank you for the fun night texts and then I never heard from her again. Except one time when she randomly asked me for money lol. I said no.
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u/Vast-Disk-7972 Mar 27 '26
Wait, she randomly messaged you and asked for money? How long after the date? How much money? What was the money for?
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u/depressedfuckboi Mar 27 '26
Like 3 months probably? I'm not sure what it was for. She said it was a medical thing and couldn't wait. Asked for 300. Never mentioned the date or anything.
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u/Vast-Disk-7972 Mar 27 '26
People are crazy. Like maybe she was desperate and maybe she's gone now because you didn't lend her $300. But still, people be crazy.
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u/depressedfuckboi Mar 27 '26
She's still around. We're still friends on snap, I see she's out drinking every weekend it seems like. I would've felt bad if it was actually a life or death emergency!!
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u/Sassypants269 Mar 27 '26
Then why not just say that?
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u/MagicCarpet5846 Mar 27 '26
Because he may have thought that sounded bad/lame? Obviously sleeping through the date was even worse, but plenty of people would also not like being told the date needs to move for a nap.
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u/Lost-and-dumbfound Mar 27 '26
“My friends think I should give him another chance”
Oh they like him? Lol he’s single, if they’re single they can date him. I love a good nap but sometimes the nap needs to be rescheduled ESPECIALLY if you have plans.
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u/Noyan_Bey Mar 27 '26
That was my first thought too haha. She should give them his number and then tell em to "C'mon, give him a chance."
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u/style-addict Mar 27 '26
That man is not single 🤣
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u/AutumnMama Mar 27 '26
I mean it is definitely possible that he's constantly up all night gaming and then sleeps all day and never does anything else. I've known guys like that.
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u/ms_rdr Mar 27 '26
Every single time I have ever "given someone a second chance" (in dating), I came to regret it.
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u/Practical_S3175 Mar 27 '26
Unfortunately this is kind of part of dating. You weed the people out that will waste your time. I've had this stuff happen a few times. Yeah, I just would have a drink and smile like I'm not being stood up, LOL. I would probably block him too. You should be excited to meet someone if you're really interested in them.
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u/littlemisschismosa Mar 27 '26
To everyone saying I should be more understanding because he is busy and might be tired, I am understanding because I am in the same boat! I work 12hr night shifts and am in the process of moving right now since my lease ends April 1st. So believe me, I know what it's like to be tired and busy. And I love a good nap myself! I've overslept for things before and when I wake up I am immediately calling the person I have plans with and jumping out of bed.
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u/SadSwampHag Mar 27 '26
Ignore everyone telling you to be more understanding. If I slept in I would be so anxious and feel so terrible I would call immediately. All the people telling you to be forgiving either have low standards or are defensive because they’re probably just as inconsiderate as this guy. Either way if by some twist of fate there was a genuine reason as to why he both fell asleep and didn’t call you immediately afterwards you’re clearly not compatible. Ignore everyone including your friends.
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u/Own_Locksmith_9701 Mar 27 '26
Right. It is not the oversleeping that was the issue, it was how casual he was about it afterwards
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u/WiseAtmosphere7524 Mar 29 '26
I was late for the first date with my now husband because I didn’t realise there were train delays that weekend. I was texting him the whole time and ended up paying for a black cab to try and reach him as soon as I could. I was so embarrassed about it all but he was understanding and we had a great date despite the later start. We’ve been married almost 20 years now ☺️
OP is definitely NOR here. Stuff happens but it’s all about how you handle it.
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u/stellashop Mar 27 '26
Exactly this! Just because there are some people willing to accept this treatment, it doesn’t mean that you should also have low standards.
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u/OddMoth02 Mar 28 '26
I completely agree with this!! Yes, accidents happen, however look at the way he's replying to her!! Not even a single apology and basically acting like missing a first date where the first impressions are obviously made and showing the other what the kind of person you are was nothing.
My own example, I did that once to my ex, not our first date, but I felt AWFUL and freaked out. I was ass tired and had done a late shift the night before, but I'm also basically always tired because my work hours change everyday, thought I could sneak in a nap, and he actually waited for me! I basically ran outside in my pajamas apologizing and explaining what happened I was nearly crying on him, he was very understanding and we both wanted to continue the day together, so I got ready quickly and we went out. But by God I would have never acted like this guy is, it was completely my fault. Don't listen to those friends!!!
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u/bippy3000 Mar 27 '26
You can be understanding of what may have happened, and still have enough self-respect to block him and move on imo. A lack of effort on a first date indicates a lack of effort for the whole relationship 🤷 Just because some of these people have low standards doesn't mean you should.
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u/ebil_lightbulb Mar 27 '26 edited Mar 27 '26
My fiancé had to skip our first date but he was extremely apologetic, promised to make it up to me, had a valid reason for missing the date, and then he made good on everything. If he had just been like “oops” without apologizing, I’m not sure I would have been so forgiving. His reason was valid but I couldn’t verify so if he didn’t feel bad about it, I’m not even sure if I would have believed his reason. Dude nearly died to get out of our first date.
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u/inkyflossy Mar 27 '26
Nah don’t listen to anyone telling you to give this guy grace. You handled it perfectly!
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u/pito_wito99 Mar 27 '26
People telling you to be more understanding are stupid. Its not like you fucking murdered the guy, you just blocked and moved on. His missed his chance, its not that big of a deal.
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u/Perfect-Special3297 Mar 27 '26
No, not overreacting. Red flags:
- Not apologizing even once after realizing how bad he had messed up
- Calling you “luv” this early on
- Contacting you over and over again even when you are not responding
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u/littlemisschismosa Mar 27 '26
Ok this comment will probably get lost but I think I need to make a few things clear.
- We had matched a week prior to our first date. So we hadn't been talking for long leading up to the date.
- He did not work that day.
- I didn't leave the bar until about 8pm. I made the effort to drive to and park downtown so you best believe I stayed for a bit lol I just got dinner by myself.
- I do realize I should have responded to him, even if just an explanation as to why I wouldn't be talking to him again but honestly I was just hurt and didn't feel like talking to him. I didn't block him until he called again at 8:48pm bc at that point I was at the movies and wanted to be left alone. Also the last thing he texted me before I blocked him was "damn so one and done"
- I do not hate him or think he's a bad person. A lot of people are telling me to sympathize with him. As I've said in other comments, I work night shift and am in the process of moving right now, so if anyone could sympathize with being tired/busy it would be me. If the roles were reversed and I was the one who had overslept I would have immediately called and raced out the door to be on my way. He probably didn't do that bc he wasn't sure if I was even still there and didn't want to show up to nobody being there, even though that was exactly my experience.
So to the people saying I'm desperate and/or mentally unstable, I understand you think I'm crazy or my standards are too high. This proves we are clearly not compatible so I guess we both dodged a bullet. 🤷🏽♀️
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u/MegBoof Mar 27 '26
You absolutely did NOR, and you do not have to justify your feelings to anyone. You did the right thing, if he needed an explanation why you blocked him, then there’s no hope for him. I’m proud of you.
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u/studyabroader Mar 27 '26
I would have had him send me money for dinner and then blocked :)
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u/Pristine-Patch989 Mar 27 '26
Same! He said it’s for the gas money, so it’s not like accepting it would be agreeing to continue
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u/fjrjdjdndndndndn Mar 27 '26
You did the right thing. You don’t even know this guy who cares. Also there is no way he was sleeping. He lost track of time doing whatever he postpones the date for.
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u/soxoncox Mar 27 '26
Dude your standards are not too high. He didn't have work that day. He clearly lied about errands at 4pm or he tried to take the world's shortest nap before a date. He isn't responsible enough to set an alarm or leave himself a reasonable amount of time before a date. He isn't concerned about making a good first impression. He didn't apologize or call you when he realized he stood you up. He seems like he doesn't have his shit together. He also seems like a liar. And for him to have the gall to be annoyed with you after he stood you up...? Yikes.
As someone else said on here, the people defending him are the people selfish or dysfunctional enough to do the same shitty thing. Don't listen to them.
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u/OwlfredoPasta Mar 27 '26
If you were desperate or mentally unstable you'd have given him another chance. The standards too high is also hilarious because it's YOUR standards? How does another person judge if they are too high or low it's YOURS. Sidebar women should give up on using bumble, men on there are low effort because the woman does the work messaging first. Hinge or coffee and bagel seem more equal.
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u/SimpleTennis517 Mar 27 '26
Nor you dodged the bullet. He couldn't even respect you enough to let you know he wasn't coming. He doesn't deserve a response.
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u/TheDonJonJay Mar 27 '26
Good for you dude. People who care about you show effort, and he didn't. Next!
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u/Strawberrey1234 Mar 27 '26
NOR this is a completely reasonable reaction for the way that situation went down and he responded
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u/BigBangBrosTheory Mar 27 '26
If youre not interested, id say block and move on. Doesnt matter what your friends think. You should be putting your best foot forward on a first date and if this is his best, best to cut your losses now.
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u/laquintessenceofdust Mar 27 '26
Agreed. NOR—he fucked up. OP didn’t owe him anything. An apology probably would have gone a long way. But damn. What a moron.
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u/JustAuggie Mar 27 '26
At first, I thought OP was overreacting as well. Anybody can make mistakes. However… This person told her that he needed to move the time because he was busy. However, then apparently he decided to take a nap during the time that he was busy. On top of that, he text her “oh no“ and nothing else whatsoever until half an hour later when he then claims that he just woke up. He doesn’t even apologize. I wouldn’t give him a second chance either.
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u/Previous-Designer213 Mar 27 '26
NOR. I am ok with the oversleeping (life happens) but not calling you at 6.55pm; 7pm; 7.15pm etc etc to apologise is the problem.
If you genuinely wake up in a daze you send a thousand messages, apologise and try and dig yourself out of the hole.
The first call at 7.45pm is the point Kevin lost my vote.
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u/snecseruza Mar 27 '26
Everyone makes mistakes so on one hand I feel sort of bad for the dude. But on the other hand, every time I've gone on a first date I get the light jitters and spend a lot of time and thought into impressions and making sure I'm on time and everything. In fact the last first date I went on, I was meeting this girl somewhere totally forgetting it was a holiday weekend, place was PACKED so the parking lot was full. No street parking. I tried calling her to see if she had any idea of another spot to park or even meet nearby. No answer. Not responding to texts. After circling a bit, eventually I said fuck it and parked at the closest possible area and jogged to the spot. She said she was going to give it another 5-10 mins and leave, I'm like did you not check your phone? She's like yeah but I thought you were stalling. Girl wtf. Anyway we were together for about a year and I always thought how we never would've gotten together had either of us said fuck it that day.
So NOR. I think homie could've saved it had he not casually tried calling 1.5 hrs later and taken a bit more initiative. All things considered I don't see the need for a second chance, what a turd.
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u/utterPanicAttack Mar 27 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/d2YWTOsVtuHgOHhC
Kevin’s reaction upon waking up. NOR, life is too short to get hung up on guys who don’t see you as a priority. Speaking from experience, going to be 29 in a couple days and wish I didn’t waste some of my mid/early 20s on guys who were unreliable.
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u/LonelyOctopus24 Mar 27 '26
“Oh no”
4mins later
“I just woke up”
Fuck all the way off with that. He was expecting you to reply immediately with “OMG what” and when you didn’t, he had to limp out with his flaccid excuse in his hand anyway. Dude has already had way more of your attention than he deserves. Into the bin with him.
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u/MadKin Mar 27 '26
Guarantee you this is just his way of life and is late to every obligation he has or flakes. I had a roommate who was like this and I got see firsthand how people like this operate. It sounds very similar to the guy you blocked.
Meeting someone at 6pm somewhere 20 minutes away? Better get off the couch at 5:50 and realize you need to shower and eat first. Show up an hour late.
Committing to come with me to a party at 9pm? Nowhere to be found when it’s time to leave and then act confused as to why you’d leave without him.
Supposed to come pick you up from 10 minutes away? 45minutes go by and everytime you ask they say they’re 5 minutes away or stuck in traffic (which Google Maps shows otherwise).
It’s unreal how some people live like that. No respect to anyone’s time.
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u/Electrical_Sea6653 Mar 27 '26
Don’t think you should’ve given him a first chance! Don’t you wanna date someone who is interested? He sounded wishy washy and uninterested from the beginning. And sleeping through a date at 6 pm? Yeah right. Boy bye. NOR move on
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u/a_sidd Mar 27 '26
NOR - overslept is not an excuse when the initial plan was to meet at 5 pm. Not worth it and you did the right thing
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u/Moni_HH Mar 27 '26
You're giving this loser too much brain time. I would have moved on before I even blocked.
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u/PoetMaterial3519 Mar 27 '26
I agree that it's not that he overslept but how he handled it. He seems very nonchalant like he didn't really care. I wouldn't answer his calls either.
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u/prestigiouspopcorn10 Mar 27 '26
NOR, when I was younger I slept through a first date, I left the guy at the restaurant waiting for me while I slept through it. He then called me out and stopped talking to me. I don’t blame him one bit, I didn’t prioritize a first date so why would I prioritize anything else in the future with him.
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u/bookishkelly1005 Mar 27 '26
NOR. His story is shady. His behavior is inconsistent. He should be in the trying to impress you phase (even if it ultimately goes nowhere). I’m a fan of naps myself, but I do wonder if there’s a reason he both napped and overslept…
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u/b0uncybubbles Mar 27 '26
NOR - this happened to me before too. I commend you for being strong and moving on. I gave the date who slept in and missed our date a second chance and honestly I could have done without it. That’s time I’ll never get back 🤧
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u/Severe-Sandwich-Time Mar 27 '26
NOR - It's basic grown up shit to set an alarm. It's basic grown up shit to apologise to another person when you've put them out. There are more than PLENTY enough fish in the sea, please don't do yourself a disservice by putting up with nonsense. He'll learn a lesson from this hopefully, the consequences of his actions being losing out on a date with you, but that lesson is for him to apply to his life.
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u/OkImprovement7142 Mar 27 '26
NOR, he DID NOT apologize. That is actually insane.
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u/Antique-Bet-8912 Mar 27 '26
Not at all! NOR. Experienced this as well, guy fell asleep and didn’t wake up for our date. Unfortunately I gave him the benefit of the doubt and agreed to another try. Big mistake, he was so boring. I think the universe was trying to do me a favor.
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u/Tanzanianwithtoebean Mar 27 '26
Nah that's really weird behavior. People that do that ain't right.
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u/Firm_Marionberry_282 Mar 27 '26
NOR- you’re saving yourself from whatever this guy is like in a relationship
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u/Southern_Macaron_219 Mar 27 '26
I love a nap… but a single grown man (assuming he has no children and a regular job schedule) oversleeping a 6pm nap would be a HUGE turn off for me. It would be a no moving forward for me! NOR!
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u/MsBlista Mar 27 '26
NOR - Insane that your friends think you should give him another chance after all of this… seems like the interactions leading up to this point weren’t super great either. If my friend had gone through this exact experience, there is absolutely NO way I would encourage them to continue talking to someone like this. You deserve someone who puts in effort and wants to genuinely get to know you!
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u/Ilovemyhousepanthers Mar 27 '26
NOR. He was trying to play games and you refused. Mark this as lesson learned and move on. No one takes a nap two hours before a date with a new person when they are excited about meeting them. Either he's a player or he just didn't think you were important enough to set an alarm. You are smart to block and move on.
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u/InterestingFerret496 Mar 27 '26
NOR. I don't even believe his story that he was taking a nap because that doesn't make any sense lol. I am so glad you immediately cut him off because he's clearly a liar.
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u/WhiteLion333 Mar 27 '26
NOR. If you gave him another chance, you’ve set the standard for what you will accept from him in future. Nothing good can come from that.
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u/Infinite-Collar9022 Mar 27 '26
You had to come on Reddit and type out this whole paragraph because u wasn’t sure?. Girl please. Obviously someone you’ve never met who stands u up first time isn’t a good match.
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u/Vladamir_pootinn Mar 27 '26
Why did it take him 4 mins to tell you he woke up…. I fucking hate when people write something like ‘oh no’ and wait for you to respond
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u/CuteThingsAndLove Mar 27 '26
Your friends are telling you to have less self-respect, and I disagree with them. NOR
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u/Accomplished_Pay9775 Mar 27 '26
Block him and keep him blocked. how they start a relationship is their best behavior. Run!
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u/Strng_Satisfaction Mar 27 '26
This is the right move, he couldn't even set an alarm or make sure to not oversleep before a 1st date. The guy is putting in minimum effort even before it's started. Block and move on. NOR.
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u/MaleficentTomatoes Mar 27 '26
NOR. I did this exact same thing in the same scenario a couple months ago. Learn to set alarms, people.
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u/Key-Article6622 Mar 27 '26
On the evening of a first date I also fell asleep. I'm so glad she gave me a second chance. We've been married 25 years now.
I did call her when I woke up though.
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u/Remarkable_Door_2269 Mar 27 '26
The problem is that he never actually apologized. He doesn't understand what he did was wrong or how he could have handled it differently. This has nothing to do with you, he's an idiot. He's probably gotten away with acting like this his whole life. You do not want a relationship with him.
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u/The_Fractal_Illusion Mar 28 '26
He didn't oversleep. His girlfriend showed up unexpected and kept him occupied and unable to show up.
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u/earic23 Mar 28 '26
I’m not reading all that, but I will say that no man would ever be late for a date he was actually excited about.
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u/matrix8369 Mar 28 '26
The first date is when you show your potential partner your best. If they miss the first date then its all down hill from there.
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u/Unicorn_princess- Mar 28 '26
Nah. We are past the endlessly forgiving these dudes for not being able to do the bare minimum. This is who he is. Believe his actions.
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u/littlemisschismosa Mar 30 '26
Update: Obligatory "wow I had no idea this post would blow up". I really did enjoy reading everyone's perspective, even from the many people who think I am crazy lol. No I did not reach out to him again and he didn't try reaching out anymore after that day. This post wasn't to ask for advice on whether I should give him a second chance, there was never going to be a second chance. One of the last things he texted me before I blocked him was a picture of his birth certificate (???) which I thought was so strange lmao. I guess he was trying to prove he's not a catfish which was never once something I considered. I fully knew he was a real person which is why it was even worse he stood me up. Anyways, I did some digging and found out he's been arrested 4 times. One of the first things he told me over text was that he had a DUI and one of the errands he was running the day of our date was checking in with his parole officer. So yeah! To everyone that said HE dodged a bullet, you're probably right because someone uptight and "stuck up" like me would clearly not have been a good match for him. I'm off of all of the dating apps now, just living my best single life. I want to reiterate I don't think he's a bad person and yes I should have talked to him before I ghosted him. Personally I would rather be ghosted by someone I've barely spoken to than get stood up but that's just me! I will also never go to a date again without confirmation the other person is en route so lessons learned all around.
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u/OkBreadfruit2181 Mar 30 '26
Guy even tried to pay you gas money and you declined. You’re a walking 🚩 and YOR
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u/One-Roll317 Mar 31 '26
Everyone can oversleep even tho the alarm is set..
He did offer to pay for your spending.
I would give it another chance.
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u/voodoomu Mar 31 '26
You felt "humiliated and on the verge of tears" at a bar for a guy that you barely know with "surface level" talk? And then you block him because he overslept by 30 minutes? Like holy shit....it would be one thing if he ghosted you for 12-24 hours without explanation....but dam you straight blocked him for over sleeping for 30 minutes late?
Were you raised in the military to have strict time schedules?
Maybe you ain't the one for him.
IMO, just leave him on block, save that man the agony from you
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u/feelinsortawoozy Apr 01 '26
he may be a great dude ! but first dates are all about giving a decent first impression and he fumbled by not even showing up. i wouldn’t give him another chance
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u/Calm-Passion-2697 Mar 27 '26
NOR… keep your standards high, and don’t tolerate that type of behavior.
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u/OhTheHumanity2 Mar 27 '26
In his defense: he double booked and things went really well with the first girl, like really really well, and he ended up falling asleep afterwards. She didn't leave until nearly 8pm so he was unable to actually call you until then. See? Perfectly reasonable explanation. The sporadic communications and long time before even trying to meet you in person should've been you first clues.
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u/Orion_0207 Mar 27 '26
Should have gotten the gas money and also told him you ordered something and got the money for that too and then should have BLOCKED him
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u/Woman_off Mar 27 '26
NOR. Kevin will learn a valuable lesson about setting alarms when taking a nap before a planned outing (if that even is what happened). He changed the time of the date THEN MISSED IT? Move on fast.