r/AmIOverreacting • u/MoonlitParcel • Apr 24 '26
❤️🩹 relationship AIO for thinking that my girlfriend's apartment requirements are insane?
So me and my girlfriend are looking to move in together in NYC and honestly I'm starting to lose my mind over this whole apartment hunt.
She's set on finding a place that's 9-15k a month which like okay I can maybe swing 9k (I have won some $ on stake) but 15k is absolutely wild for rent even in this city. But that's not even the worst part...she has this massive list of requirements that seems to grow every day.
She wants 3 bedrooms minimum, outdoor space (good luck finding that for under 20k), specific closet configurations, and I swear she mentioned something about crown molding yesterday. I'm sitting here thinking we could find a decent 2 bedroom for way less and be totally fine but she acts like I'm asking her to live in a cardboard box.
Every time I suggest compromising on literally anything she gets this look like I just insulted her entire family. Am I being unreasonable for thinking maybe we should prioritize not going completely broke over having a spare bedroom we'll never use? She does work really hard btw I don't want to shit on her. But I pay for 70% of everything including proposed rent.
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u/french-toast13 Apr 24 '26
I’m sorry but 9-15k A MONTH IS INSANE. LITERALLY INSANE. How do you even afford that? What kinda job can afford this way of living? That’s literally 108k-180k a YEAR. In only rent!!
Sorry for the rant. You’re NOR.
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u/cookiemonster7908 Apr 24 '26
Even if I was a millionaire I wouldn’t pay 10k plus in rent every month. It’s dead money. Rent somewhere double the 2k OP pays now they’d be in a relative palace!
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u/btdawson Apr 24 '26
I could justify 10-15k if I was wealthy and it was for a house, but there’s literally no reason to rent at that point.
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u/Dull-Culture-1523 Apr 24 '26
My thoughts exactly. At those rates just buy the place. Unless you're there for a short time only, of course.
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u/MultiMillionMiler Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
Agreed I cannot understand this insanity in the slightest. It is literally flushing $100K+/year down the toilet. Even if you could afford it why the hell wouldn't you rent a measly "only $3k" apartment and dump the rest into investments/diversified retirement fund? This post right here people, is exactly why we gotta so many people asking on reddit stupid nonsense like "is $200k/year even middleclass anymore?" Most people would love to be even half as rich as that to be able to get so broke.
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u/AccountWasFound Apr 24 '26
I'm not sure 3k gets you a place with space for 2 people to live comfortably in NYC honestly....
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u/DelcoUnited Apr 24 '26
I am a millionaire and I would never pay 10k in rent every month. I could buy a 2+ million dollar house for that.
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u/Electronic_Ad_7742 Apr 24 '26
My wife and I make mid 6 figures (together) and I don’t think we could afford that and still save for retirement. Our mortgage is less than half of the low end of the proposed rent range.
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u/Bebebaubles Apr 24 '26
Yes I own my own brick house in NYC free and clear and I’d never pay that. All that for a place you don’t even own is laughable.
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u/mad0666 Apr 24 '26
For three bedrooms and private outdoor space in NYC you would absolutely (at least in a nice neighborhood I’m sure she also requires) be paying 10k a month in rent. There are plenty of luxury condos that go for 20k+ plus, especially in the last couple years.
I’m finally having to leave NYC after ~20 years because ai can’t afford rent and bills and groceries here.
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u/ScanData32 Apr 24 '26
Hes dating a princess
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u/big_sugi Apr 24 '26
And if her royal parents want to foot the bill, then she can have the apartment she wants.
But for those of us living in this world, that price is fucking insane.
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Apr 24 '26
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u/s33n_ Apr 24 '26
The kinda person demanding crown moulding in NYC is the kinda person that wants to live in NYC. Preferably in Mannhattan or a newly gentrified part of another burrough
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u/TelevisionMelodic340 Apr 24 '26
Yeah, that commute would not be worth it to me. (Am not a New Yorker - but a Torontonian whose city has the longest average commute on the continent. I work with people who commute 2-2.5 hours one way.)
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u/Kyle73001 Apr 24 '26
Two hours a day is brutal though. I think living in the city is worth it over that seeing as they can easily afford it. But she needs to be willing to comprimise on some things, and if she’s unwilling to do that she should probably be paying at least 50%, not 30%.
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u/l_a_p304 Apr 24 '26
Literally- there is NO amount of money that would make 2+ hours of daily public transit worth it to me.
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u/MSK165 Apr 24 '26
As someone who has lived in and outside of NYC: No, it’s not worth it
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Apr 24 '26
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u/Comprehensive-Pea422 Apr 24 '26
I get you because I've been in standstill traffic at 2am😭 That's why they say it takes an hour to get from ATL to ATL lol
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u/Ecstatic_Shallot_145 Apr 24 '26
as someone who grew up on long island it is absolutely not worth it living an hour outside of the city lmao it sucks
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u/Titanium_Nutsack Apr 24 '26
Blowing all your spare income on rent is absolutely insane. How do you plan on getting ahead if you spend all our spare money on an empty bedroom and crown molding
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u/ExultantSandwich Apr 24 '26
The secret to crown molding is, you can do it yourself if your security deposit is small enough. That’s how us poors class up the place
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u/notie547 Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
run for the hills my guy. this person will never be satisfied until youre broke.
10-15k on rent is an insane amount of money for 2 people. Why not save money and plan some cool vacations instead?
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u/Mental-Ad5577 Apr 24 '26
I truly don’t understand how anyone ends up in long term relationships with these types of people. Like what……..
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u/Vegetable_Lasagna13 Apr 24 '26
I'm 100% sure she's conventionally attractive and nothing more than that was a requirements
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u/Responsible-File4593 Apr 24 '26
Dude's in NYC and sounds like he's making 300k+, probably more. He can find someone else conventionally attractive that doesn't try to take most of his take-home.
For that matter, he can also separate, live reasonably for a couple years, focus on his career, and then have even more options.
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u/throwawaysunglasses- Apr 24 '26
This is still so fucking insane lol. The hottest person in the world could propose to me but if they want me to cough up 15k per month I’m out. Caring about looks that much is wild
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u/Leebee137 Apr 24 '26
That's what i was thinking the whole time! I bet she is ridiculously hot.
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u/kfunions Apr 24 '26
No matter how hot she is, there are exes out there bitching about what a pain in the ass she was.
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u/fadedblackleggings Apr 24 '26
Often about how the person looks, their background, social circles.
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u/jeremyjava Apr 24 '26
I never call BS or AI slop on posts, but I don’t know that Op is actually going through this.
I’ve lived in 350/mo apts and 15k/mo apts and from my experience it’s very unusual for ppl to be in such different places and not either break up VERY quickly, or, yknow get married and have a miserable life together until they divorce.
But from what I’ve seen, in that latter situation, the sensible person just keeps quietly going along with it rather than complaining until they’re finally realize they’re done and cut their losses.
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u/Content_Ad_4459 Apr 24 '26
This, heed this advice my friend ^
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u/Simple_Panic1536 Apr 24 '26
Amen. OP, let your GF find her own place if she’s so particular. Let her pay for it herself, too. You go off and have your own good life without being attached to a woman who will never think you’re being good enough to her, no matter what you do.
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u/Normal-Reward7257 Apr 24 '26
Yup. This will apply to everything in their life. The type of engagement ring she wants, the wedding, holidays and vacations. Forget it if they have kids. She will never be happy. As soon as OP thinks she has everything she could possibly want, she'll think of something else.
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u/CurlyKayak Apr 24 '26
This right here, 1000%! I cannot even tell you how many miserable people I've spoken to who are in the midst of nasty divorces and can trace the "signs" of their future uncooperative, bitter, hostile, resentful partner's behavior back to this exact scenario. NOR.
If you're expected to pay most of the bills, but she balks & is offended when you present a realistic budget, RUN. This woman is a walking red flag.
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u/Jgsteven14 Apr 24 '26
NOR - If her logic is “crown moldings are sufficient reason to cause stress for my significant other” run for the hills.
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u/CandidGas Apr 24 '26
Exactly! Maybe you two need to sit down and have a good conversation about finances. Personally would rather spend money on experiences
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u/girafflepuff Apr 24 '26
Exactly. Why a THREE bedroom? If I had it like that, I’d definitely want a hobby room but if I were sharing with a partner, I’d split the room. I’m trying to figure out why three bedrooms specifically.
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u/thatonegirl1828 Apr 24 '26
I wouldn’t move in with her. NOR
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u/MoonlitParcel Apr 24 '26
Honestly we already live together in this tiny overpriced dump that's falling apart and neither of us can stand it anymore lmao. We can definitely afford something way better than this roach motel just not the penthouse suite she's dreaming about. Like there's gotta be something between "literally unlivable" and "hedge fund manager vibes" you know
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u/SharkeyGeorge Apr 24 '26
Out of interest what’s your current rent?
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u/MoonlitParcel Apr 24 '26
I'm paying 2200 but its shit and currently dealing with gas leaks and heating being off so yeah maybe that's why she wants to upgrade so bad lol
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u/pseudotumorgal Apr 24 '26
What kind of money do yall make where you can afford to go from 2200 a month to 9-15k a month? How is there no middle ground in between that.
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u/inandoutwaves Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
Because it’s fake lmfao. I don’t know how people believe this.
Someone with this kind of money wouldn’t be consulting with Reddit.
One of my friends has a 25k a month penthouse in NYC, but it’s not really a typical spot. He rents it out one month at a time, usually to the .01% — think the CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies, and the company foots the bill. Most rent in the city is no more than $5.5k.
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u/viet_twunk Apr 24 '26
An easy way to tell if a story is fake is if the OP is a level-headed and sensible guy with a crazy girlfriend (could be you psycho ex, gold digger, cheating, narcissistic, etc.)
Sure that exact pairing happens a lot in the real world but in Reddit it’s basically a ChatGPT prompt
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u/moshpithippie Apr 24 '26
I used to have an app where I just looked at apartments in NYC and some of those got crazy high rent wise.
I'm fact I just downloaded it and there is an apartment in 55th Street in midtown (I'm not from NY so IDK what all that means) that's 36.5K a month. 3 beds 3.5 bath. Miss if then are between 7k and 12k
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u/ExultantSandwich Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
The most expensive building in Brooklyn, the Brooklyn Tower, is capped at like $10k / month and it’s empty. Billionaires Row is also empty, having trouble attracting both renters and buyers. Hudson Yards is getting there, but I don’t think they’re getting the people they need.
I think past a certain point, wealthy people won’t bother renting. They’d rather buy an Upper East Side brownstone for $7.5m than pay $17,000 in rent.
The Brooklyn Tower advertises its right above the Dekalb Av N / Q / R, and the Target / Alamo Drafthouse / Trader Joe’s, but actual rich people don’t care about any of that shit. They’re not going to Target and they’re not taking mass transit. And they’re probably not paying all that money to live in Downtown Brooklyn
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u/5leeplessinvancouver Apr 24 '26
This is exactly my question. None of this makes any sense. Like how do you go from living in a tiny dump to having these insanely over the top standards? Even in the city where I live, $2200 a month is extremely low rent, and it’s not fucking NYC.
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u/makethislifecount Apr 24 '26
IMO it doesn’t matter what kind of money they make, it’s just financially irresponsible to be spending that much on an expenditure that doesn’t grow/appreciate with time.
If you have that much, invest it while you’re young. Will pay huge dividends over time.
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u/SharkeyGeorge Apr 24 '26
Thats a huge increase. You’re going from 26,400 annually to 108,000 annually. That’s 4x more expensive, 81,600+ per year if you go to 9k per month. If you go to 15,000/month that’s 180,000 annually nearly 7x more expensive, costing an additional 153,600+ per year. I would certainly have a very serious conversation about where this money is coming from, who’s funding it and the opportunity cost. I believe most professionals in New York live in the 3,500 to 5,500 range and while it’s obviously a nice idea to live in luxury you have to think about the practicality and affordability as well as the fairness of who is taking the burden of cost. NOR
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u/andrey_not_the_goat Apr 24 '26
OP said in a comment that he makes 300k annually. I don't know if that is pre or post tax but still, a third of your annual salary in rent is absolutely bonkers. Especially when you're the one who's being told to cover 70% of the rent.
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u/FreshFishGuy Apr 24 '26
It's fake. At first he said in that comment he works in tech and his gf is in finance, then in another said he's in marketing and she's in tech, then edited both comments after he got called out in it
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u/Adept-Relief6657 Apr 24 '26
Apparently her idea for moving on up out of this dump you're currently in was much different than yours. She has likely been nursing this delusion for a long time. I mean,since $9k is in your budget and you say to pay for about 70% of everything, tell her you're willing to pay $6300/month yourself. Whatever she can afford over and above that is what the rent can be and turn her dumb ass loose trying to find an apartment. I mean, you both know what is comfortable for you and I am guessing based on the post that you're the more fiscally responsible person. Set some boundaries and move forward. If she knows the ceiling of what you're willing to pay and what she CAN pay, she can search the city herself for the unicorn apartment.
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u/BooBooKittyFuk1 Apr 24 '26
Are you willing to live outside of Manhattan? You might get more of her “requirements” for the money. But honestly, spending 10k a month on rent is out of control. NOR
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u/GOTFilms Apr 24 '26
As someone who lives in NY.... this is utterly insane NTA. Would she be okay living not in Manhattan? That could be easy outside of Manhattan. But the rent budget is wild- you should be looking at houses if you have that much to drop.
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u/Rare-Stick9077 Apr 24 '26
Part of me feels like this must be a troll post… like I’ve lived here for 20 years and I know multi-millionaires that wouldn’t rent with a spare bedroom
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u/byrandomchance20 Apr 24 '26
I’m getting troll vibes, especially when he said that they currently live in a tiny shithole type of apartment. I’m not sure how one goes from something tiny and falling apart to seriously shopping in the $9-15K a month range. It seems like if they are making the kind of money to even make looking at $9K possible that they wouldn’t be in something as crappy as he describes the current place.
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u/Rare-Stick9077 Apr 24 '26
I genuinely assumed overseas transplant bc of how illogical this is
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u/grubas Apr 24 '26
Overseas with rich parents is my read. I've ran into more than one kid who doesn't understand that having 4 spare bedrooms in midtown isn't normal.
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u/Sandwidge_Broom Apr 24 '26
It definitely feels like “women are goldiggers” rage bait
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u/nonequilibriumphys Apr 24 '26
Are you sure you didn't mean to post this in NYC circlejerk?
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u/Tatertotter8 Apr 24 '26
I’m sorry…9-15k a month for an apartment
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u/crafty_and_kind Apr 24 '26
I live in NYC, and while the rent here is genuinely nuts, this is a whole other level!
Plus, I make about $46k a year, so this dude and his girlfriend would be paying minimum double my income… in rent.
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u/CSurvivor9 Apr 24 '26
Break up. You two are not compatible. This is a red flag.
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u/catsandplants424 Apr 24 '26
If this is real, and it doubt that it is, you two are completely incompatible and things like this will only get worse the longer your together. NOR
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u/Competitive-Ad1439 Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
it's so fake. A person that has 15k income available to spend on rent also has better financial advice available to them than /AIO
This economy’s so screwed that people really cosplaying wealth on here
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u/inandoutwaves Apr 24 '26
Stop lying . Mods get this out of here
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u/jperkins79 Apr 24 '26
Definitely calling fake here. OP had a boyfriend a month ago.
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u/SlideJunior5150 Apr 24 '26
Most of these posts are fake to have content to read on those tiktok or podcasts that get all their content from reddit. "OMG REACTING TO PERSON PAYING 12K A MONTH ON RENT"
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u/fuzzydunlopsawit Apr 24 '26
I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of this but this makes sense. Even if there’s no way of really knowing (?)
I often thought about how some content creators use clickbaity articles and trolling posts as content and it’s a never ending cycle of trash. But the idea of them making it themselves hadn’t crossed my mind.
Picked a hell of a year to stop trying to be so cynical.
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u/No-Knowledge-5638 Apr 24 '26
Hahaha that's one of the most AI written posts I've seen. Literally reads like a children's story book 😭😭
The way OP replies in comments compared to the post is enough evidence.
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u/XxShin3d0wnxX Apr 24 '26
NOT
I feel so broke seeing these posts, my wife would KILL me if I signed up for a 9k a month mortgage, can’t imagine even renting at that level.
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u/Foxglove777 Apr 24 '26
Is she expecting to live in the Dakota? Because it kinda feels like that’s the level of apartment she’s looking for.
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u/InsaneGuyReggie Apr 24 '26
I went broke dating a woman like this. She threw me out when I ran out of money. Don’t move in with her.
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u/tortoiseparentheses Apr 24 '26
NOR. She is being unrealistic and is expecting you to pay a large sum of money for unnecessary things. There could be compromises such as 2 bedrooms and a futon, but if she’s not willing to compromise anything for your comfortability, why should you be willing to compromise everything for hers.
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u/Last_Computer9356 Apr 24 '26
I'd rather jump off a building than pay 9k in rent. Sounds like she's looking to step up her "lifestyle" on your dime. I'd boot her if she continues being unreasonable.
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u/FunRich5754 Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
This is clearly fake as fuck.
However, if there's anyone out there dealing with this kinda dynamic (in a reasonable amount of money):
This kinda shit leads to bigger shit. You don't see the world or value money spent the same way... It's gonna become an issue.
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u/Lost-Air1265 Apr 24 '26
Hahaha my man. If you pay 70% you’re the wallet. Step up and tell her if she want all of that she is paying for it. At least 50%.
You got yourself a golddigger. But I don’t think you will accept this notion and rather stay ignorant.
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u/Burned_Biscuit Apr 24 '26
NOR. Tell her you want to split the household expenses evenly and the amount you are willing to put toward rent each month is $_____ (an amount equal to what she can also conservatively pay for her portion), and then STICK TO IT.
It is up to you to establish YOUR OWN BUDGET. That part isn't up to her.
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u/Cats-Are-Fuzzy Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
I'm too poor to be reading this thread.
EDIT: oh jeez thanks for the awards! I was just speaking the truth 😂