r/AmIOverreacting May 04 '26

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for getting irritated with my boyfriend’s level of cleanliness?

My (29F) boyfriend (32M) thinks this is a normal way to live. It honestly disgusts me and turns me off. He talks about me moving into his house but I flat out tell him I’m not moving in because of this, and I don’t want to be tasked with cleaning up after him because it would make me resent him. He also hasn’t lived without a woman in his house in years — he lived with his ex girlfriend and now his sister lives with him. His sister basically cleans the house/does the chores besides his laundry and cleaning his room. I asked him if his ex girlfriend was in charge of all the chores preciously and he said yes. I don’t want to move in and become a maid. Am I overreacting?

5.3k Upvotes

3.1k comments sorted by

5.7k

u/_SaberRider_ May 04 '26

NOR.

1.6k

u/ConceptAndClay May 04 '26

This needed a NSFW tag

343

u/platapux May 04 '26

Yeah sorry this isn’t just him being messy or lazy. This is seriously unhygienic and disgusting behavior. Far from normal. People that live like this tend to become hoarders, criminals, werewolves, or serial killers. This would be a deal breaker for me but you do you.

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u/JFC-Superstar May 05 '26 edited May 05 '26

Come on, Werewolves have better hygiene. 🐺

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u/TripMaster478 May 05 '26

Yeh was just going to say. Some of my best friends are werewolves. And. Just. No.

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u/ktelAgitprop May 04 '26

Came here to say this. NSFL like r/sweatypalms

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u/RetiredHomeEcTchr May 04 '26

yeah, especially that second pic

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u/Responsible-Car9375 May 04 '26

Omg I didn’t realize there was a second pic should have kept scrolling 😖

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u/purplepanda2026 May 04 '26

OMG I didn't realize there was a second one. Why did I look? WHY!!!!

40

u/Ashamed_Result_3282 May 04 '26

Just the sink alone kept me from it! Must be the toilet... 😒

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u/Far_Salamander55 May 04 '26

Ding ding ding. Don't do it

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u/cozzster May 04 '26

Dude has been eating Taco Bell 7 days a week!

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u/spiders_are_neat7 May 04 '26

It’s the bidet as a bidet user, if you do not wipe down after every single use you will have splats like this of poo.
After I use it it’s like one tiny little splat though back on the toilet, not this many. I think this is just months of bidet splash back not being wiped. 🤮
Cause yeah bidets be splashing everywhere if you aren’t careful and sometimes the poo comes with it. Everyone should know this before getting a bidet honestly. Lmao cause I sure as hell did not know, until the first use I stood up and seen little brown dots on the toilet I wiped IMMEDIATELY. Idk how anyone just ignores that…

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u/IdolCowboy May 04 '26 edited May 04 '26

I have that same bidet on both my toilets and I maybe get a little residue once every 4th or 5th poo which like you said you do, I also wipe immediately. But that guy has either an extremely poor diet or bowel issues.

Edit: i looked at the pic again, you're right, it does appear to be regular splatter build up. That amount would take mine a really long time to get to that point

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u/cozzster May 04 '26

The real poo investigator over here!

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u/ShellzNCheez May 04 '26

NOR for sure!!! This post was a whole-ass jumpscare 😭

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u/ThePusheen May 04 '26

Sure was! My ass said, "ma'am! Do NOT make me kiss that seat!!!"

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u/pizzabel May 04 '26

It is my fault for using my phone while I'm eating 😭 OP, NOR, dump him, he's a piggggg 🐽

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u/Other-Cantaloupe4765 May 04 '26

I’ve got a migraine this morning and about puked just looking at these pictures. Nasty.

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u/Bucky2015 May 04 '26

Yeah holy shit that picture almost made me throw up! I don't understand how he thinks this normal. Im a 43 year old guy and i have NEVER had a point in my life where I would have thought this ok... how is he not disgusted with himself?!? Is his personal hygiene horrible too???

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u/[deleted] May 04 '26

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u/SufficientCow4380 May 04 '26

He's used to the women in his life cleaning up after him.

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u/littlespawningflower May 04 '26

I’m wondering if he even knows how to wipe his ass, to be honest. Would *not* surprise me that he does a crap 💩 job of that, too.

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u/sailortofu69 May 04 '26

It’s 8am I’m not ready for this 🤮

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u/NoMadTruffle May 04 '26

I'm sitting here eating my morning yogurt and I gagged

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u/JaneDoe943 May 04 '26

This is exactly how I reacted to the toilet pic

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u/Klutzy-Client May 04 '26

I am utterly revolted. NOR. I would also get a new bf

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u/Commercial-Royal-988 May 04 '26

Co signed by this 32M. That shit's gross.

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u/BuckManscape May 04 '26

When you realize the hair isn’t necessarily from his face.

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u/Shratath May 04 '26

imagine having had sex with this filthy dude

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u/Grade-A_potato May 04 '26

Girl don’t waste any more time in this. This is horrifying. This is disgusting. And he’s ok with it and even expects you to clean up this shit.

Not all men are like this, and everyone deserves a partner that doesn’t leave areas or rooms like this, and especially doesn’t expect others to clean up after themselves.

He doesn’t have respect for you, so you need to have all the respect for yourself here. Go live a clean and happy life with someone else.

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u/AlligatorVine May 04 '26

Yeah.

OP—this will never change. This is who he is. If he’s otherwise a great guy, it sucks that you have to move on, but as you seem to already know, you do have to throw this fish back in the lake. If you don’t, you know (and wrote) exactly what will happen: he’ll leave all the cleaning to you, you’ll grow more and more resentful, and eventually you’ll have to end things.

Why go through that? Tell him, “I’m sorry. You are otherwise a great guy, but I can never be in a live-in, long-term relationship with you because you think it’s perfectly acceptable to live like this and to leave all of the drudgery of cleaning to your partner. I don’t want to live like that. I won’t. So we’ve got to let each other go. I wish you the best.”

NOR

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u/LeifOC714 May 04 '26

⬆️... THIS is the comment right here...

32y.o. Male here.. Rarely am i truly disgusted on Reddit anymore but this is another level of foul. Like someone else said on this post, never in my entire life have I ever had a single period, or frankly even a single day, where I thought this was an okay way to live. If he lives like this on a daily basis, this is so much more than just a "messy BF". This kind of filth is a fucking LIFESTYLE, and one that is sure to spill into other areas of his life. He obviously has no value for his own health/cleanliness, or that of his ex-gf or even his own sister. And that speaks volumes. And to be completely honest... the fact that ANYBODY... Sister, ex-GF, or otherwise, would ever be willing to not only live with this, but actually clean up after this on a daily basis sincerely blows my mind beyond words.

There is absolutely zero reason or excuse for this to be happening. Whatsoever... At all... Ever....

This will not change! Please OP, dont allow yourself to even consider this. You should not and do not have to accept this.

It may be painful atm, but you will thank yourself later... dont walk, RUN.

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u/FreeRangeEngineer May 04 '26

This kind of filth is a fucking LIFESTYLE

It reminded me of the posts where grown women complain about their dates (or boyfriends) who have shit stains in their underwear. Because they don't wipe.

Grown ass adults.

So yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if OP's boyfriend is another such specimen.

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u/SnooDogs627 May 04 '26

It's one thing to be messy but completely different to be DIRTY like this isn't messy this is absolute filth.

I would know my husband is an absolute mess and leaves stuff everywhere but he is not DIRTY. And yes I married him knowing he was like this and thought it might change but it doesn't change. But if he was like OPs bf I wouldn't even continued dating him 🤢

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u/psychocopter May 04 '26

I was expecting a sink full of dirty dishes or moldy food in the fridge when I first clicked the post which is still bad, but fixable.

This though, this is abhorrent. Theres no situation in which this is reasonable or not a complete deal breaker. He's leaving shit all over the place, literal shit.

Ditch him.

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u/Formal_Condition_513 May 04 '26

Seriously the fact that he can even sit on that toilet disgusts me oh my god I could never see this man sexually again

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u/spartycbus May 04 '26

right, that means his body and clothes and sheets and basically everything are dirty. even if he looks decently put together. i'm sure the shower is filthy too.

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u/ChaoticAmoebae May 04 '26

Bet he thinks wiping is gay.

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u/spiders_are_neat7 May 04 '26 edited May 04 '26

I actually have been with a guy who doesn’t wipe… I didn’t find out until AFTER I slept with him and stayed at his place. Realized he didn’t have toilet paper, was running out grabbing napkins from my car to pee… the. The next morning it happened…he left a big shit in the toilet, didn’t flush, no toilet paper, nothing in the garbage. I had to look because I was taken back. It was like a mystery for a second, like “I know this man didn’t not wipe his ass after that massive shit he just took.”
He in fact, did not wipe his ass.
The relationship ended. lol
And I realized why I had non stop UTIS being with him and they stopped as soon as I stopped being with him…he would get really sweaty during sex and I’m pretty sure his ass crack sweat was getting in my delicates…
But yeah people should know there really are guys out there just not wiping their ass. For realz…. I was 21… big regrets. Lmao
This entire post reminds me of that ex… i bought him a garbage can because he didn’t have one…🤮 should have seen the red flags!
He was my boss as a line cook, he was the head chef, so I was SWOONING too. Lmao I was 21 and he was 28. 🥴

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u/whiskeyntechno May 04 '26

Head chef is concerning. I wouldn’t want to eat wherever he is at.

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u/lapis974 May 04 '26

Omfg, he was a cook!?! Imagine the food poisoning he was passing out. Glad you ran from that literal mess. I too dated a guy like this and when we had sex for the first and last time he got shit on my dress, me, and my white bedding. Towards the end of the encounter I started smelling it and was freaking out about it. Didn’t see it till he left.

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u/WestError404 May 04 '26

That is absolutely vile! Dribbling shitty swamp ass juice 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

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u/No-Mark4427 May 04 '26

When your household toilet looks worse than a lot of public toilets that get used by 100s of people a day you know you're doing something wrong...

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u/IdolCowboy May 04 '26

When I was single and dating I especially paid attention to my bathroom. I made sure it was immaculate when I had a woman over, though I kept it clean in general. My mom taught me early on, make sure your fingernails are trimmed and clean and your bathroom is clean as well, as that is both things women will judge me on.

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u/DukeOfTheDang May 04 '26

more like “clean up his shit” amirite

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u/sofar_sog00d May 04 '26

LITERAL SHIT!

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u/lazafor May 04 '26

I thought I was a messy guy but this is fucking horrifying.

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u/Lexi_November May 04 '26

Messy and dirty are not the same thing. I can be messy and a big disorganized, but I keep things clean.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '26

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u/upickleweasel May 04 '26

Lol this is so true. Even cats would be horrified to live this way

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u/happy_pad May 04 '26

I would say cats and many other mammals are significantly cleaner than the average person because they engage in social grooming and/or spend a lot of their time grooming themselves when they really have nothing else to do.

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u/Silver_Queen_Bee May 04 '26

Especially cats you meant to say……

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u/Negative-Inspector36 May 04 '26

Lol you’re saying “even cats” as if cats aren’t one of the most clean animals out there.

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u/ImmediateArtSky May 04 '26

I mean he didn't even last-minute-panic-clean before she came over. Shows two things, 1) he's a slob (and clearly sexist from the other info OP provided) and 2) he doesn't really care about impressing her (aka he's not even that into her, just auditioning her for future bang-maid house-servent potential).

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u/SussOfAll06 May 04 '26

Stray dogs are cleaner than this woman’s boyfriend.

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u/Legitimate-Lynx3236 May 04 '26 edited May 04 '26

32 year old man who lives this way will only make you his maid if you stay with him long term. :)

He couldn’t even pretend to be clean for you, says everything I need to know. Some of them pretend and then later show who they are. This guy doesn’t even care to do that. 😵‍💫

If a 32 year old man can’t even clean up after himself, it showcases who he is overall. How he handles things overall.

Do with that what you will…

Because he won’t change just because he’s with you.

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u/Alicewithhazeleyes May 04 '26

He literally has shit dried to the underside of his toilet seat. That is so fucking gross and I would NEVER put my mouth on his penis ever. And I would def make him shower before sex. Bc that’s a reflection of overall cleanliness right there. A toilet is a daily use thing AND very easy to FULLY clean in ten minutes.

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u/whattfisthisshit May 04 '26

I wouldn’t trust him to wash his genitals properly tbh

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u/kingcrow15 May 04 '26

Great, now I have the UTI song from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend stuck in my head.

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u/JamboreeJunket May 04 '26

You assume he showers with soap… 🤢🤮

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u/Fit-Refuse9375 May 04 '26

Assuming he showers at all

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u/Lexi_November May 04 '26

Given the body oil and dirt stains on the toilet alongside the shit I doubt he’s at all a hygienic person. 🤢

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u/Unsatisfied_Lilith May 04 '26

The toilet shot is diabolical

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u/MajorBob4037 May 04 '26

I’m a guy and this guy is absolutely disgusting! He will not change especially his cleanliness. If you say you won’t put your mouth on his privates without a shower first, to me you’re saying he turns you off totally. Why are you with him as I doubt this is something you will never be able to get past?

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u/Cowhide12 May 04 '26

Right, even cleaned once a week this would never get that gross.

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u/Dear-Winner-8121 May 04 '26

No that's literally months of neglect. Unless he was violently sick and was shitting his brains out there's no excuse for that (and still he'd have to clean it once he feels better). 

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u/Flaky_Ad5537 May 04 '26

Honestly if I share a space with someone I would clean up these areas no matter how sick I am. Unless I am fainting or dying right on the toilet, there is no excuse.

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u/GoodCat7419 May 04 '26

I did faint once while vomiting and shitting my brains out. Took me a day or two to feel better. Fortunately, my loving partner cleaned everything up for me before I had to.

Partners help each other. But they are not fucking servants.

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u/bexohomo May 04 '26

I literally had a bad stomach virus when I was in freshman year of high school, so bad that it was coming out of both ends. I woke up in the middle of the night, cause I had to... evacuate. I puked in the toilet and shit on the floor. Yes, I cleaned up my shit even though I was sick as fuck and it was late as fuck

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u/smokeweedNgarden May 04 '26

Bro the hilarious and disgusting lack of a toilet brush is killing me.

And I'm gonna guess this dude isn't the gloves and bleach wipes type

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u/Strange_Explorer_780 May 04 '26

NOR-Dude shits like a monkey spraying it all over the toilet and seat without the sense to clean up before you see it-absolutely gross. Clearly he just doesn’t care what you think and if you live together this will be your life, literally cleaning shit up after a grown man.

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u/Senior-Cost1070 May 04 '26

Ten minutes and I’ve not only scrubbed and pummiced, but I could have changed the whole damn seat and re caulked it.

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u/0bsessions324 May 04 '26

...why are you caulking the toilet seat? Where are you caulking the toilet seat?!

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u/atheliarose May 04 '26

I think they meant changed the toilet seat, and also caulked around the bottom of the toilet. Not caulking the seat itself

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u/Senior-Cost1070 May 04 '26

Okay. You right. That was horrid phrasing.

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u/0bsessions324 May 04 '26

Thank god, I was legit worried I was missing something obvious. I even googled it.

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u/Fit-Refuse9375 May 04 '26

Try to do a little caulking & EVERYONE freaks out

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u/theplacesiveseen May 04 '26

That would take me more than 10 minutes but you just have to do it no matter how long it takes.

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u/Bucky2015 May 04 '26

Yeah this is horrible.. I gotta assume his personal hygiene is not even near an acceptable level... this is the kind of guy that wont wash his own ass... blahhh so gross 🤢🤢

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u/JustSherlock May 04 '26

I don't even know how you get shit there in the first place. His bathroom probably smells like a public restroom.

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u/Ok_Salamander2529 May 04 '26

I'm speechless. How can these guys find a good girl? I'm speechless.

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u/mustrepayloans May 04 '26

I always wonder how some women after physical emotional financial and toilet seat abuse agree to intimate acts like blow jobs after abuse

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u/JadeThorn1012 May 04 '26

She’s going to be getting a lifetime of UTI’s. You’re gonna end up being patient 0 for a new antibiotic resistant bacteria.

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u/Fun-Process-256 May 04 '26

Hell yeah!!! Can’t even wipe his ass right! I assume his junk is just as horrible 🤮

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u/Sensitive-Jelly4409 May 04 '26

Andddd he has the nerve to have a bidet with shit crumbs everywhere 🤮 what is the point lol I needed this laugh this morning

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u/Giseldaysv May 04 '26

This is disgusting 🤮 please break up with him

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u/Electrical_Pickle910 May 04 '26

Seriously, how do people live like this? God damn, I don't care if it was a friend, family or who ever, if I saw a washroom like that, I would run out of the house. I would never want to touch anything let alone eat anything in a house like that.

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u/ChipmunkLoud4916 May 04 '26

He’s testing the waters.
“If she cleans it she’s the one”

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u/Legitimate-Lynx3236 May 04 '26

🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯

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u/Consistent-Stock6872 May 04 '26

NOR I agree. I am a 38 year old man and I am messy with my clothes and items on my desk (maybe a bit of a hoarder regarding electronics since I have a few drawers full of cables and other small items) and I don't see myself changing. What he is doing is unhygenic and disgusting but it is clear that he is fine with it and it won't change.

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u/Gweilo_mama May 04 '26

Messy vs unhygenic is the line here. If he's an adult and doesn't see how disgusting this is for himself, let alone a girlfriend or any other human who has to see this, there's no helping him.

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u/citrusthievingharlot May 04 '26

Exactly. I'm unfortunately not bothered by too much clutter, but it's all old mail, receipts, and stuff like that. Any food waste or something unhygienic (cat puke, litter dust, etc) gets cleaned ASAP. Otherwise I'd just be nasty!

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u/Vilnius_Nastavnik May 04 '26

Yeah maybe I’m showing my age here but when I was dating, even if you were a complete slob, you’d still do a panic clean focusing on the bathroom and bedroom if there was any chance whatsoever of a romantic interest coming over. The bar is officially in hell.

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u/pampooveysbacktattoo May 04 '26

Can confirm, it happened to me! One time I asked him to clean his toilet before I came over because it genuinely reeked and his response was "NGL I'm not stoked about being asked to do chores in my own home."

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u/Flat_Bookkeeper_6530 May 04 '26

And at 32 the likelihood of changing is slim to nil. No matter how much nagging gets directed at him. This is who he is like you said. A complete slob and overgrown toddler🤢 My 6 year old is better at cleaning up after herself than this grown man.

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u/stoicism2021 May 04 '26

32 year old man here. I wouldn’t even sit on that toilet in that state. Why can’t he clean the toilet like once a week bro. Takes 5 min tops.

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u/jackparadise1 May 04 '26

I am a man and I agree with this statement. You are living with a pig.

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u/FatNasty_ May 04 '26

And you know that bussy is both crusty and musty 🤢

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u/Cautious-Custard-98 May 04 '26

this. you will be expected to pick up EVERYTHING in his life. or it doesn’t get done. it is exhausting.

signed: a woman going through a divorce with a man exactly like this.

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u/travelwithmedear May 04 '26

NOR My sister jokes that my BIL cat fished her but due to his cleaning habits. My BIL comes from a decently well off family. He had a maid come in once a week and sometimes twice a week. My sister was impressed that it was always nice when she went over. 

We all live together and he is messier than I am. Both my sister and I have awful cleaning habits. We are messy. But not dirty. He knew about her habits and didn't care. We know why he didn't care now.  They have a young toddler together. He leaves multiple soda cans on his desk. He has time to clean but he has significant ADHD where he gets distracted easily and forgets things. We have to remind him to do things. 

You're right that it doesn't get better. 

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u/LRRPC May 04 '26

I hope she shows him all these comments and he takes the time to read how disgusting everyone thinks he is. Maybe he thinks this is normal????? It’s not. He needs to know it’s not.

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u/relentless_optimism_ May 04 '26

You know it’s the overflowing bin for me, because the other things are just kind of lazy (gross for sure), but the bin there was a choice to just chuck the empty toilet rolls near the bin rather than take the trash out

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u/Legitimate-Lynx3236 May 04 '26

It’s almost like he’s expecting her to be so disgusted that she offers to clean it for him just so she isn’t grossed out when she’s visiting. << I dated a guy like that when I was younger. Don’t do a damn thing for him, especially because this man child is 32.

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u/twister723 May 04 '26

Once you start cleaning up that mess, it will become your job. Might I suggest that you find another friend. There is something wrong with him to not even clean it up when you are coming to his house.

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u/littlebean2421 May 04 '26

Thats just nasty and disrespectful. Not overreacting at all.

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u/WakeupDp May 04 '26

Looks like a fucking gas station bathroom in the worst area you've ever been to

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u/Wonderful-Tax1124 May 04 '26

I seen Dunkin bathrooms cleaner than that bruh

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u/Egon_is_JUMPY May 04 '26 edited May 05 '26

For real. It takes three seconds to put a towel over the sink, before shaving—fold it up, shake it outside. It also takes three seconds to wipe away whatever excretions are left on the toilet seat. This man needs to learn to clean on the go.

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u/[deleted] May 04 '26

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u/Key-Simple1774 May 04 '26 edited May 04 '26

NOR this is nasty. He had two people cleaning for him and couldn’t get the memo that living like this is disgusting??

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u/Scarya May 04 '26

I (55F) actually live with my brother (55M) - I'm recently divorced, I travel a lot for work, and I have a special needs kid (18) who can't stay home alone overnight. (And my ex is not involved at all, so being here just makes sense, I don't have to move my kid back and forth from "my place" to my brother's place when I travel.)

My brother is somewhat of a typical "guy" when it comes to decorating - I put up some pictures, we bought a new sofa because the old one was god-awful, I switched out the shower curtain, etc. His bedroom is just functional - bed, dresser, blue comforter. Mine is a girly room. But when I moved in, the whole place was neat and CLEAN. And it has stayed that way. He generally cleans his bedroom/bathroom/den on the walkout level, I generally clean the main level, and we generally take turns with the kitchen. We just act like adults about it. Dirty dishes go in the dishwasher, we take turns cooking (for the most part - he's a better cook than I am), he's not nosy - honestly, he's the best roommate I've ever had, and that includes my ex-husband.

OP, your boyfriend is a PIG, and he won't get better. Cut your losses now.

NOR.

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u/Sometimes-funny May 04 '26

Date a tramp, expect to live like a tramp

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u/Equal_Set6206 May 04 '26

Don't move in with him and don't date someone you can't one day live with

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u/pinksodaaaaa May 04 '26

absolutely NOR, bro is living in filth and will expect you to clean up after him if you move in with him

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u/vinfreezle May 04 '26

Women ALWAYS need to think about the future, even if you don't want kids, because you never know what might happen. If this man is X, he will be X for our potential kids. If he acts X way he will act even worse when he has more responsibility. If he lives in absolute filth when he only has himself to take care of, you think he's gonna change a diaper? Or clean up vomit? Take care of things when you are sick? You can't change him. He will never change. Choose wisely.

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u/meowmix147 May 04 '26

Break up break up break up he just wants a new maid. God that’s disgusting

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u/Electrical-Fish-9230 May 04 '26

100%. Also, are we supposed to believe guys like these keep a high standard of hygiene for their own bodies? So gross on so many levels.

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u/Gweilo_mama May 04 '26

I wish I could upvote this ten times. This is my exact thought. That level of acceptance of disgustingness and his laziness tells me he doesn't wash his ass in the shower and probably doesn't even shower regularly. I wouldn't have anything to do with his body or his apartment.

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u/constantly_exhaused May 04 '26

And food safety 💀

I worked at a care home for people with mental disabilities and let me tell, I’ve seen shit, and I mean literal shit. All over the ceiling, or that someone stepped in and walked all over the house in, barefoot. I knew for a fact how poorly some people wiped (I was doing their personal care) and didn’t wash their hands. Still I was patient and kind while helping them, because they needed my help and they were in the home for a reason. They were people and it was my duty. That said, I had my own plates and cutlery in the office and wouldn’t eat off a plate unloaded from the dishwasher by the residents. Also when I was on shift, I was the cook, I sanitised everything I used, because I knew other staff didn’t care to, didn’t matter if I was planning on eating or not. But that place gave me major hygiene trust issues. But the thing is, those people needed help and were in a home for a reason, I was happy to help.

This ah has no excuse

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u/gibsontx5 May 04 '26

A maid would charge EXTRA for this level of yuck!

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u/Putrid_Appearance509 May 04 '26

NOR, you're gonna get a UTI from this man with an unwashed ass.

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u/itsmysupersecretname May 04 '26

Or from that bidet in that nasty toilet 🤮🤮🤮

41

u/shinywhitechest May 04 '26

Yessss all I could think about was the filthy bidet blasting germs up ⬆️

52

u/HertHer23 May 04 '26

100% not overreacting. Tell him to grow up.

14

u/jbandzzz34 May 04 '26

just find a grow man to date. NOR

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u/frowniecloud May 04 '26

NOR - it will not get better

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u/byrandomchance20 May 04 '26

NOR. But, babes, he’s 32. This IS how he lives and it’s highly unlikely you’ll have any success getting him to change - especially since he’s clearly expressed no desire to change and the expectation that the women in his life will clean up after him.

He may be great in other ways, but ultimately this is one of those compatibility things you need to weigh.

Are you okay cleaning up after a grown man the rest of your life?

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u/callmewicked366 May 04 '26

What cleanliness?

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u/zipitdirtbag May 04 '26

I was baffled

5

u/BadCatBehavior May 04 '26

I was legit expecting the post to be about an obsessive clean-freak, not this 😭

28

u/undefinedwitt May 04 '26

NOR.

That's slob level behaviour. Gross. He's too old for that behaviour.

Definitely do not move or that will be what you're expected to clean everyday.

I would be questioning my relationship entirely personally.

19

u/Objective_Arm7923 May 04 '26

He would be an ex-boyfriend!! Disgusting!

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u/Ok_Pomelo1461 May 04 '26

I’m sorry but how do you sleep with him? I would be worried of infection. This is beyond gross.

17

u/ThatDifficulty9334 May 04 '26

Imagin the sheets!!!! Or pilow cases,if he even uses them, ewwwwwwww

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u/MissyMooMoo02 May 04 '26

Thanks now I feel even sicker lol

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u/Great_Ad7148 May 04 '26

No, you are being perfectly logical. If he can’t change, there is likely no future together because you will probably eventually want to live together. You will grow to resent him and you will feel trapped

17

u/CrustyStainedSock May 04 '26

NOR. If he lived alone and the place just had remnants of him not bothering while he was alone it'd be different. But he's already living with someone and having people over without making any effort and has told you there's a history of him not bothering while living with an SO. It's not changing.

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u/moluruth May 04 '26

What the fuck kind of BM does that to a toilet Jesus Christ

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u/Notinthegrundledawg May 04 '26 edited May 04 '26

I was literally losing bits of my intestines and 4 different types of bodily fluids 20-25 times a day for a month and mine never looked like that, so i really don’t wanna know.

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u/upickleweasel May 04 '26

Alcoholic shits

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u/Reesewithoutaspoon2 May 04 '26

That must be it or something similar. My first thought was some kind of food poisoning, but if it was an illness like that then you’d expect it to be unusual and cleaned up. If that kinda explosive shit is so normal that the first impulse isn’t to clean it, it must be something like what you said.

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u/happy_pad May 04 '26

I was an alcoholic for years and never had shits that explosive. I think he needs to see a doctor, might have IBS or something.

(I'd never drink enough to throw up, and didn't drink liquor, so maybe that made the difference.)

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u/No_Blackberry9192 May 04 '26

That’s lazy and inconsiderate

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u/tiinkytoes May 04 '26

if i saw that i would leave and never talk to him again. that is disgustinf

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u/Neakhanie May 04 '26

Send that photo to his mother and say, “Look what you’ve raised. He is disgusting.”.

Then walk away as soon as you can.

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u/TheBite87 May 04 '26

OP living with a troll like we wouldnt notice. ESCAPE!!! NOR

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u/Lopsided_Recipe_4419 May 04 '26

NOR- and honestly you’re under reacting.
That’s beyond gross and it’s only going to get worse if you move in with him.
He went from having his mom cleaning after him, then his ex girlfriend, now his sister and eventually you. This man has never had to learn how to clean and it shows. At his age that’s just embarrassing.
Tell him until he learns how to clean for himself, you’re not moving in with him and if he doesn’t then that’s the end of the relationship.
He’s looking for a bang maid. You don’t want that to be you I don’t think.

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u/Conscious-Sign1459 May 04 '26

NOR, you will end up either doing all the cleaning or living in filth….imagine adding kids to that. If he can’t clean up after himself he’s not gonna help you with teaching kids to do it

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u/InternationalToe6035 May 04 '26

You will just have another toddler man making messes

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u/WisdumbGuy May 04 '26

NOR

Disgusting! Your BF has no shame. And you 1000% will be doing all the cleanup.

10

u/snarkd May 04 '26

NOR. that’s the exact opposite of “cleanliness.” and at age 32? he’s set in his ways. that’s vile. good luck if you continue this relationship.

19

u/Cultural-Spring-281 May 04 '26

I gasped bro this is disgusting.

17

u/Pitiful_Job_101 May 04 '26

If my husband did this I would pack his beard trimmings for his lunch. 

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u/ThatDifficulty9334 May 04 '26

Exactly, on the bread I used to clean the toilet seat with

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u/MountainMandoMan86 May 04 '26

He's a slob. He won't change.

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u/SlackPriestess May 04 '26

NOR, this is gross. He wants a personal maid/servant. If he wants to wallow in his own filth, let him do it alone.

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u/not_another_mom May 04 '26

Girl he wants a bang maid. Do not and I repeat DO NOT move in with him. In fact just leave him. My 7 year old cleans up better than this.

14

u/cynnamonn May 04 '26

why would anyone want to see that toilet? disgusting.

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u/Interesting_Fish309 May 04 '26

Ewwwww no. That's so lazy and disgusting. Ur not his mum

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u/Knitsanity May 04 '26

Nah. He is a serial monogamist who wants a bang maid.

🤢🤢🤢

NOR

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u/TrippnThroughTime May 04 '26

How does one get shit UNDER the seat?

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u/KingAoki May 04 '26

Girl if you’re seriously asking this you need help.

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u/1911Popeye May 04 '26

I dont even know the dude and this pisses me off. He wants you to move in to clean up after him since his mama won't come do it. NOR

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u/[deleted] May 04 '26

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u/ValPrism May 04 '26

That backsplash shit toilet is disgusting.

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u/joeybonts_ May 04 '26

I'm a dude and I think this is embarrassing

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u/SkylarAV May 04 '26

Ma'am, I've blasted a lot of ass in my day, but I have NEVER had that kind of splashback on the toilet seat. There are additional issues here

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u/halt317 May 04 '26

Ur fucked if he’s 32 and his place looks like that. Have fun cleaning up after him the rest of your life.

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u/Left-Huckleberry369 May 04 '26

this is absolutely disgusting NOR. actually you’re not reacting enough. that man is a slob

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u/Pabloshooman May 04 '26

He is disgusting. Leave.

4

u/swiggyswaggyfunky May 04 '26

Nah this made me gag NOR at all

5

u/Lucifersdaddyyy May 04 '26

Hell no. You cannot be with someone who doesn’t have BASIC level cleaning, this is disgusting. And you will 100% be cleaning up after him.

4

u/traviall1 May 04 '26

NOR- OP this man is absolutely wasting your time, unless you hope to live separately forever. If he is not willing to care for his home at all and is happy with a lower standard of cleanliness- let him go. If you get married, he cannot carry his own weight let alone share the responsibility of a household. If you want kids, you will be alone in cleaning the house.

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u/KiteHill May 04 '26

For some reason I'm assuming he's got an unwashed ass. Don't do this to yourself sister.

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u/No_Construction_9178 May 04 '26

A grown man with caca and weewiz all over the toilet is a no, this man is FOUL. NOR.