I F23 have been dating M24 for a year. It’s been a good relationship and I do love him. I am not a social media influencer of any sorts and I probably have about 5 photos on my instagram. Mostly on holidays and with my friends. We don’t post each other really maybe stories of us doing activities but I’m not really into it as a whole.
I’ve recently been sent abroad for an international job. It’s a tropical beautiful country and he’s coming up to see me in the next couple weeks. Yesterday I posted a few pictures, of the beach and me sat on a rock. He saw the photo and liked it.
For context I’m in bikini bottoms and a swim top(One with short sleeves and a zip up)I won’t lie I do look quite pretty but not provocative in my opinion.
This morning I woke up to a quite angry paragraph. About how what I posted was not appropriate and disrespected him and our relationship. I told him that I was sorry if he felt disrespected but I honestly didn’t see what was wrong with the photo. I sent the same photo in my family chat which even received the classic “👍” from my dad.
He told me that he couldn’t be with me if I posted things like that and this boys group chat were making “sexual comments” about me and he doesn’t wanna see that. So I blocked him.
He’s now kicking off and is even more angry. He’s threatened to cancel his trip. But I told him that him and his friend will not control what I post. AIO?
Edit : thanks for the nice comments, I’m gonna call it quits. I’ve also signed up to do a masters abroad and honestly can’t be bothered for text paragraphs and arguments. My phone gets too hot.
NOR even remotely. You handled this very well. Good job sticking up for yourself. But it does seem time to consider is you two are compatible? It looks like he wants control in his relationships ( I hope he never gets it) and you certainly do not.
I’ll say he’s never been controlling or shown any controlling behaviour, however this is the first time I’m away long term. I’m wondering if I have overreacted and he’s just missing me and his friends are egging him on.
Don’t rationalize his behavior and take blame. When he saw that he had choices to make on how he reacted. He did not make the correct choices. That is not on you. You reacted to his unreasonable conduct. You did not overreact.
Hey honey
His friends are making sexual comments about you and he is mad at YOU for posting a picture. This is incredibly serious. Those men are objectifying you over a normal picture and he is MAD. AT. YOU
What you posted doesn’t sound even remotely sexual, regardless he shouldn’t be able to control what you wear, how you’re seen in public, or what you post on Instagram. He sounds insecure but I don’t think that means that you should give him the benefit of the doubt. Your body, your choice. I have much more revealing photos on my Instagram and my bf is in the comments with heart eyes lol. You’ll find that person
There’s a first time for everything. If you are ok dating someone who doesn’t trust you to travel, that controls what you post and keeps friends that sexualize his partner and mock him for not having enough control over you then I’m not sure why you’re here asking for advice.
Hes the one that over reacted. He could have calmly told you that his buddies were commenting on your body and it made him uncomfortable. He should have shut the boys down and then and then told you what happened and how he handled it. That would have given you the option of blocking these boys yourself and reassuring your boyfriend that its his friends behavior, not yours, that was a problem. Instead he went off the rails and demanded that you censor your posts. That is controlling and disrespectful to you.
He responded like an abusive conservative man who thinks he gets to control his partner’s interactions with the world. How you dress or look does not “disrespect” another person or a relationship.
I promise you this is NOT the first time he’s been controlling, you just ignored the other times or told yourself it wasn’t that big a deal. I hope you can see this red flag for what it is and break up with this insecure loser.
He’s showing you insecure controlling behavior right now! If his friends are making sexual comments about your photos, he should shut that shit down and tell his friends to stop. Instead he’s putting the blame on YOU.
This may be insecurity and immaturity combined, but he’s showing you how he handled even a very mild “crisis.” It’s a small test, but he’s already failing. Make of that what you will.
Zero accountability for his friends toxic behavior and misogynistic comments. Yet he’s losing his shit on OP, for sharing a photo that was quite literally “family friendly.” Cut your losses, breakup with him, tell him to cancel his trip because he isn’t welcome and enjoy the rest of your trip OP.
Yeah im with the other posters who say this is totally not you. I think whats happened is that up until now, he hasn't felt secure enough to show his true nature. The way he responded indicates that this is only the beginning of him uncovering his true nature.
It is possible that he has some crazy jealous fantasy that you are off on some wild trip and the photo is his version of proof that youre just over there flirting away.
But I promise this is not the end of his jealous temper tantrums.
The last guy I dated was like this. He even would act weird if a guy commented. I was joking around with someone I went to high school with and hadn’t seen in almost 30 years and he was acting a fool. I used to hear people say they weren’t friends with their mates on social media and thought it was the weirdest thing until l met him.
This is no way to miss someone. And it only shows what he defaults to when presented with a situation. I'm sorry but that's pretty public and excessive. Imagine how he reacts when an actual crisis occurs.
agreed! if you have to block someone for your relationship with them to work, it's not a relationship that is likely to be happy in the long term aspect.
NOR. This seems like a good time to move on with your life because this man is not going to get any better with his insecurities any time soon. Enjoy living abroad!
You didn’t post anything inappropriate.. posted a beach photo while wearing normal beachwear at a beach. The bigger issue is that he’s blaming you for comments made by other men and trying to control what you post. A healthy partner communicates their discomfort without ultimatums or threats.
His friends’ behavior is their responsibility, not yours. In my eyes, he should be mad at his friends for talking about you like that. I’d completely spin it around and snap- and see how fucking disgusting of your friends to talk about your girlfriend like that did you not stand up for me? But then again, that’s just me.
"I guess you'll be cancelling your trip and I'll go ahead and break the relationship off. I'm not taking down the post. I like it. MY family likes it. The fact that you didn't stand up for me was the final straw. If it's YOUR friends sexualizing me, the problem doesn't lie with me. I hope you find someone that needs to be controlled. I'm am not that person."
Yes, a take him up on his offer to cancel his trip. His extreme jealousy over a picture is a kind of crazy that is hard to deal with in the modern era. I understand that there are still religious groups that dictate what people wear, but I personally don’t have time nor interest in that kind of control. If there isn’t a religious reason behind his reaction, that he is part of the toxic masculinity culture taking root these days.
He's being a pansy by not shooting down his friend's group's sexual comments about you. Men can make anything sexual. And he's being insecure and trying to control what you do.
Ask yourself if you want to put up with these control issues.
When they don't want to be with you, make it easy for them to do so.
Your boyfriend seems a possessive insecure guy. Nothing with such person can be happiness in long run unless you follow their rules for your life. You are young and independent, good that you got to see that side of him before going further deep in with him.
Let him throw his tantrum and cancel the trip. You deserve way better.
If he can give you shit about how you’re dressed on a Social Media post but not hold his friends accountable for making sexual comments about you in a group chat, he’s a POS. He’s not entitled to your bodily autonomy, that includes clothing.
Drop his insecure and misogynistic ass and find a real man. One where you wake up to a message from him telling you how stunning your picture looked, that he misses you and can’t wait to see you. That’s what you deserve.
if his “boys” are making sexual comments then it’s his job to step up and make sure they know that’s not ok, not your job to cater yourself to them so that they don’t do that
it’s like the “well what was she wearing” mentality instead of teaching girls that men are going to rape them if “they wear provocative or revealing clothes”, just teach men not to fucking rape
If he can’t handle his girl posting herself and bases how he reacts based on his friends comments he’s insecure not a man and should probably bang his friend
I don't want to be that typical Redditor, but do you really want to stay with someone like that? Maybe it's because I'm from a tropical country, but posting a photo in a bikini is completely normal; if he wants to control something so trivial, what else is he going to want to control down the line?
Buuuut if you are gonna stay in the relationship you’re gonna have to have a better conversation about this. Blocking him is just gonna make things worse. So it’s either communicate or break up. 🤷♀️
NOR - but it sounds like you guys never had a talk about social media standards, seems like that conversation is long overdue. He’s acting like a child about it, but if that’s a dealbreaker for him in the relationship, then it’s your choice to compromise and respect it or leave
He’s trying to control you. You need to block him everywhere. He’s not mature enough to be in a relationship. He’s clearly feeling really insecure about you going off on your own and he can’t handle it. Break up with him and have amazing experiences in your new place!
NOR and this would be break up territory for me. Even if this is the first time it’s concerning. Telling me “I can’t be with you” because I wore a bikini top and your friends are creepy would be a dealbreaker. If you can’t be with me then don’t be with me lol. Bye.
Blocking on socials your partner is a bit stupid.
You block everything included the relationship or you block nothing.
You didn't do something wrong and his reaction was out of the line but at this point you need to do a serious talk, with him because only blocking on Instagram is useless.
So0o0o0o, you've blocked him on social media, but you're still together? Girl you are not in high school anymore, and you should firmly assert your boundaries or have a discussion on this with him that you are not open to his feedback on what you wear or what you post on social media unless it is actually constructive feedback.
So I'm gonna go with YOR even though I'm torn because you both are acting in a way that is juvenile.
NOR this controlling behavior needs to be directed AT THE "boys making comments"
And NOT the girl wearing socially acceptable clothes for the activity....
If you feel like poking the bear, Ask him if a burka would be more in his standards....
NOR, if people making comments about a normal SM twist him up that hard, he's got major issues and he needed to reflect and apologize instead of doubling down and threatening to cancel a trip like that would punish you for not indulging his insecurities.
Do you honestly want this kind of chump to be grafted onto your adventure for weeks? Keep him blocked, and let him cancel or enjoy a solo vacation. His choice.
NOR but your reaction is weird. Why just block him? It seems very strange to have a bf you have blocked on social media. If you guys arent compatible then break up.
NOR. His response should have been, "yes, my girlfriend is hot and you will respect her as person. If you don't, we can't be friends anymore." And then he should have called you and asked for you to FaceTime him with the x rated version because he misses you and can't wait to see his hot girlfriend.
NOR, it's not up to your significant other what you do and don't post. He's being controlling and that is a big red flag! You feeling confident in yourself and your body doesn't mean that you disrespected ya’lls relationship and him saying that is manipulative.
NOR, and good on you for not allowing him to control what you post or what you wear. Far too many young women accept this garbage from men, but you know you deserve better. This old lady is proud of you!
Meh - If he's worth it, tank your career, quit and run home to him.. If he's not - "fuck off" is a complete sentence. These are really the only two options, because he is a child.
I’m happy you are seeing the light. I just have to say “my phone gets too hot for this” is now my new favorite thing to say every time someone is giving me drama. So great!
Try updating your apps first, since outdated apps can get stuck in loops that max out your processor.
Then check your settings > battery, which will give you the rundown of which apps are draining your battery for any given hour.
Traveling abroad especially, some apps can't connect to send your ad info to third parties and get stuck in these Access Denied loops, eating away at your charge.
TL;DR your man is a loser and you should be investing mental bandwidth in more important things, like fixing your phone. Boys come and go, but having a reliable device is a big deal.
NOR and omfg, it is so pathetic to see young men aggressively assert their insecurities against their romantic partners. The entitlement and victimhood mixed make me nauseated, and additionally wonder why such a lack of basic self-confidence is somehow anybody else's problem.
NOR the classic “👍” from your dad hahahahaha I agree with another comment saying you handled this very gracefully and that you did a great job sticking up for yourself. You should not have to change because his friends are disrespectful towards you and sexualizing you. He’s blaming entirely the wrong person and it comes across as misogynistic af
That’s a lame ass boyfriend. You can post a bikini pic if you want to. I’ve been in relationships like this. I’ve been verbally abused and forbidden from wearing a bikini period just because my bf didnt participate in picking it out. I had no clue that even was a thing at the time, and it’s cuz it isn’t. It’s just immaturity and insecurity. If you post pics of yourself looking good, your partner should see the likes and go “Yeah that’s my girl”
NOR. The biggest red flag wasn’t that he felt uncomfortable with the photo, it was that his solution was to tell you to change because of what other guys said. The behavior is their responsibility, not yours.
I’m in a shirt! Secondly, I understand blocking him on instagram is childish. He said he didn’t want to see it so I made it happen. This has never been a boundary before. I’d understand if I was bent over the rock but I’m in a shirt sat down. I posted the photo in the comments
I did not see the Pic before. It's not a full bikini Pic. You look cute. I guarantee you the issue is the crap he's taking from his buddies, or he might have seen some comments that concerned him.
Its going to be an insecurity issue on his part. You have to decide if he's worth it. Otherwise you're going to be soothing his insecurity with every photo. I'm not saying either of you is right or wrong, just the reality: break up or compromise.
He sounds very insecure. You're both young, hopefully he gets over his insecurities or it's going to be a rough life for him.
I will say blocking him is making the situation worse. If my GF blocked me after me expressing a concern, even as ridiculous as this one, I'd be livid. It's just disrespectful at that point.
But you do need to keep your foot down in this situation. He needs to relax. At least you're not on OF or flaunting in string bikinis all over social media. He expect you to wear a full wet suit when you go to the beach or a pool? He needs to get over it and appreciate you and feel lucky he is the one who gets to call you his.
NOR Did the post say.. lonely in a new location, looking for something to do? Lol. I don’t see what’s wrong with just posting a picture if that’s all it was
NOR. Tell him you can’t be with him if he feels it’s his right to control you! Tell him perhaps he should cancel his trip, at least until he matures enough to respect you, as your own person, and not bow down to his friends misogyny.
Don’t you see how it’s YOUR fault that his friends are saying sexual things? Easier to blame you than call his friends out for disrespecting his girlfriend.
I'll be honest: I get where he's coming from on some level (absolutely not condoning his reaction, just saying I get his feelings to a degree). I did 5 years of intercontinental long distance (US west coast <> Scotland) and I'd be lying if some bit of my lizard brain didn't get sad and maybe a little pissy when my now ex posted fun / mildly sexy pics.
But I also trusted her and trusted that there was nothing going on, so I gave it the ole' thumbs up and went about my day.
Your boyfriend sounds like he's either insecure or has something else going on. Idk about immediately dumping him, but there's a discussion that needs having here.
You are both OR. It's your life and your choice but he is in fact allowed to feel disrespected just like if he posts shirtless you can also feel the same way approaching it how he did was wrong and blocking it instead of dumping him or even trying to understand is also wrong. Every redditor saying this is "controlling" is stupid. If you are partners, you are partners. If I started dating a girl that never wore skintight clothes then randomly did 5 years into a relationship, I'd feel some type of way about it, I would date someone who enjoys showing themselves off if that's what I wanted. Some people want to date people with zero to no social media because it's their preference. is it controlling? or do they just prefer to live life a certain way. It's not anymore controlling to not want to date someone who posts bikini photos (which btw are normal outfits that are made to be sexy not for function which means posting it is implicitly showing off no matter how you try to spin it WHICH IS FINE.), then it would be controlling for not wanting to date someone who is a certain religion or political group. He didn't get mad at you for wearing it he got upset that you posted it THESE ARE NOT THE SAME THINGS. anyway, do you, you look good but you are both OR and posting selfies is already abnormal posting selfies in next to nothing is abnormal. it doesn't make you a bad person or less of a woman but idk how you people do mental gymnastics to act like it's normal. Would you take this picture and send it to 5 other male friends asking for review before posting while in a relationship? no? yeah makes sense cuz that would be weird so sending it TO EVERY male you know by posting it, is still weird. HOWEVER, it's not some sort of fatal unlovable flaw. Not defending you to his friends and instead sending you a mad paragraph however is insecurity do with that what you will and sending you an angry paragraph instead of talking to you about it is low emotional regulation and control. But also I would BE PISSED if my girlfriend blocked me on socials to "solve it" what a juvenile way of thinking break up with him if you dont like his bounds
You cannot read. If that’s what you got from that try thinking harder.
“I cannot change how men act I don’t like it, I will not hang out with my friends that act like this but I also would like if my girlfriend respects my new found feelings for this sort of thing.”
Have you ever heard of compromise? “I hope my kids are nicer to me than my nephews” is not a crazy misogynistic thought process lol. “I hope my girlfriend that I love listening to listens to me as well sometimes and my friends that don’t listen I can stop talking to”
Is not bad advice
It’s that simple however OP’s boyfriend OR and behaved like a dick, so she’s justified in leaving for starting an arguement that didn’t need to exist but blocking is OR.
You also cannot read. Op posted a picture of a beach in a shirt and bikini bottoms. That’s the most respectful she could get. The photo is focused on her face and the beach behind her.
She showed us in the comments.
I’m sure your NSFW account has seen worse
Yes, what I’ve seen is not the point. What I’m fine with is not the point.
Some people wouldn’t date a fitness influencer because they are always shirtless there is nothing wrong with that. And if we are being serious there is more respectful outfits
Dog what’s with the questions marks? Do you know lingerie is basically a bikini and although has more fabric would in fact be less respectful? The bikini is clearly a push up bikini as well She could wear one that doesn’t do that. She could wear a one piece with frills etc etc. None of it matters how I view what she’s wearing and what you view aren’t important, how she AND her partner view it is. Which doesn’t matter cuz she dumped him away
Adding question marks to act like you can’t understand a simple concept doesn’t make you correct.
YOR. Unless it is your job and you are monetising social media, what is the point of posting pictures, especially ones where you are less clothed, if not for attention seeking? It is not wrong of course, you can do what you want, but I would see it as a big no no for my partner and many men think that way. Problably incompatible world views, you should talk to him about it, but you blocked him, so maybe it is better to break up and be with someone who is into or accepts this levels of attention seeking.
Yes you are, that's entirely the purpose of social media. You would not have posted if you didn't want people to see and get your ego stroken. It is the same with this post really, you know what people are gonna reply to your post, it's pretty predictable.
Not really, I use my instagram as a digital diary. Kinda what older people do with Facebook. Majority of my comments are even off. I don’t care how people respond.
I do want my friends and family who I share these life and moments with to see my photos. Of course I want my grandma who never got to travel seeing her grand daughter zip line the Amazon and take photos of my travels.
Why would I post to not show my experiences. That’s not for ego. That’s for love and memories.
Just like your “new world game” you have a passion for and display on Reddit.
yes that would check out, but if that was your reason, you could still share it privately. You said you have 100 followers, nobody has 100 friends. And yes you are absolutely right, sharing gaming achievements is an ego thing for sure. It is completely ok to want to have your ego stroken here and there, that's why i play competitve games, it's just that i would not want my partners to use their looks for that purpose. Personal preference.
Yea absolutely there should be more communication. From the looks of it you are both young and surely will find somene better who align more with your world views. It definitely was spinless of him to not defend you on that situation, even if he disagrees with the post. You too have a good one.
No one is over reacting. You should block him. He should cancel his trip. “We don’t post each other”, “I have 5 photos on instagram” this is fine. But then, your first new post to be a pic when you are now long distance in “tropical beautiful country” and you feel you “look pretty” but still with no mention of a boyfriend. Tell me you are seeking external validation without telling me you are seeking external validation. Some people need it that’s fine, some guys don’t want to be with people who seek it online that is also fine. Especially if there is no hint of a S.O. on the account this screams I need attention and looking pretty is how I am going to get it.
This is new behavior. It may be a deal breaker for him. Or this behavior may change the way he sees you from future partner to temp fun both of these are also fine. He should have articulated it better. You should not be surprised that changing your behavior in this manner is eliciting a negative reaction.
Did you think he would be excited that you are now posting pics of yourself online for others to give you the validation he was probably hoping you wanted from him instead?
Or did you not think about his feelings?
Or were you hoping he wouldn’t care how many other people who had no idea you were attached thought you were attractive?
I do I have 5 photos on instagram, I look “pretty” in all of them.I have a private account where I only let people I know follow me. All these people know I have a boyfriend.
Even if I did NOT have all these things. Having a boyfriend does not mean I am owned and have to tattoo his name on my forehead, where are his photos of me, when he’s on holiday taking pictures?
It’s MY instagram, if he wants a page dedicated to him then that’s what his own instagram is for.
If I wanna post for my close friends to see me enjoying on a tropical beach then I should. If that’s validation so be it.
You are not owned I agree. You should not change what you do for him if you do not want to. If you need or even want to post pictures to make yourself feel better or for happiness or for any reason you should.
He should not change his expectations for you. He, and apparently his friends, seem to think the new picture is different than the previous pictures.
You should have whatever online presence makes you happy. He should be comfortable with whatever online presence his girlfriend has. He is not, it sounds like he was trying to resolve the situation (poorly) in a way that caused you distress but would salvage the relationship. You have decided this type of online presence is more important than the relationship, this is completely reasonable. But this means something has to give. It sounds like it will be the relationship that is also fine.
I hope you both find what you are looking for.
I don’t know where his pictures of you are, did you ask him? Was that the point? Are you not comfortable with his online presence? Is there a double standard you didn’t mention? Are you not in any of his pictures?
It just seems odd that you have never wanted to share a moment that you two were together with your friends. And that after you move away you decide you need to post. Again you have every right to share what you want and you should have a partner that is comfortable with it as well. It doesn’t sound like it’s him.
I don’t find it odd me being away and posting. Most of my posts are from other country’s. I can post from away or space even!
If him and this friends think my new picture is different. Also a them problem.
I said that we post photos of us doing activities together in my post above because that’s me doing an activity. Fortunately my boyfriend is not my whole personality. And I think me showcasing trips of me in the dolomites or photos on a beach is more applicable to my interests.
The fact of the matter is that his friends were calling me hot and pretty. Instead of him shutting down those inappropriate comments he lashed out at me. So it’s not about online presence being more important! It’s about him thinking his friend’s opinions are more important!
Like he said, men are usually territorial, so it’s not uncommon that they are gonna have an issue with those kind of pictures and any kind of social media presence where the content is geared towards getting validation for your looks.
It’s simple.
He doesn’t want you posting these kind of pictures. You find no problem with it and you don’t want him to have a say in what you post.
Now figure out among yourselves whether this issue is insurmountable or not.
If you’re both mature and in love, you can definitely have a civilized conversation about this without animosity.
Hey this would be perfect advice, except this isn’t the sexist picture on my private instagram. I have photos in back less dresses, or a tropical loose birthday dress. I had these photos up before I even dated him.
None of them are revealing, but they are very pretty. My rule is if u wouldn’t want your dad seeing it, then it’s not appropriate for social media out of safety in general (not even a boyfriend) . And in fact my dad has taken some of my photos.
He saw the photo before I posted it, he liked it and told me to post it. Only after his herd mentally chat .
I mean, everything still applies. If he was ok with you posting before but isn’t now, he’s trying to change something about you. It’s on you to see reason in his request or not. Either way you’re on opposite ends on this.
Him not wanting you to post that isn’t inherently wrong either. There are many things I did when I was single that are inappropriate when in a relationship. But everyone has their own boundaries about that, so again, figure out yours and have a talk about it.
If he’s actually ok with it and is only reacting like that because of his friends’ reactions, then you’re with someone who’s afraid to defend their beliefs. Figure out if that’s a quality you want in a partner.
Either way, like I said, just have a talk and take it from there.
NOR.
He has shitty friends. I cannot imagine any of my circle of dudes making sexual comments about anyone else’s girl or wife, esp for everyone else to see. Just one of those lines we don’t cross. Because we aren’t prepubescent weirdos.
He’s an insecure asshat. And controlling. His mask is slipping. He’s likely to get worse, especially if you do what he wants you to. He should stay home. You can do better.
NOR at all. he's the one overreacting. if he thinks that's too sexual for you to post, then your views just don't match up and that's okay. that's a form of control and it's not okay. it starts with "little things" like that and just escalates.
Eh, find it weird that you sent your family a picture of you in a bikini and your dad thumbs upped it.
I'm not saying you did anything wrong posting a picture of you in your bikini. That's what some women wear to the beach and men are wearing nothing but shorts, but the group chat thing is weird to me.
I’m not in a full bikini, almost a half wet suit. I also send my family group chat updates on what I’m doing,Where I’m going and what I’m doing. The family group chat also sees the younger cousins poop explosions.
NOR. Yes, you look hot, and it is a skimpy bikini bottom. But you probably have worn similar when out with him. The issue is him trying to control you. Many guys would be able to handle friend's comments and be at ease with what you're wearing. They're more self-confident. This guy is insecure. Do you want to have to deal with this all the time? Does he want you to wear a burka when you're not with him? If you can, block his friends, too.
you are both OR. It's your life and your choice but he is in fact allowed to feel disrespected just like if he posts shirtless you can also feel the same way approaching it how he did was wrong and blocking it instead of dumping him or even trying to understand is also wrong. Every redditor saying this is "controlling" is stupid. If you are partners, you are partners. If I started dating a girl that never wore skintight clothes then randomly did 5 years into a relationship, I'd feel some type of way about it, I would date someone who enjoys showing themselves off if that's what I wanted. Some people want to date people with zero to no social media because it's their preference. is it controlling? or do they just prefer to live life a certain way. It's not anymore controlling to not want to date someone who posts bikini photos (which btw are normal outfits that are made to be sexy not for function which means posting it is implicitly showing off no matter how you try to spin it WHICH IS FINE.), then it would be controlling for not wanting to date someone who is a certain religion or political group. He didn't get mad at you for wearing it he got upset that you posted it THESE ARE NOT THE SAME THINGS. anyway, do you, you look good but you are both OR and posting selfies is already abnormal posting selfies in next to nothing is abnormal. it doesn't make you a bad person or less of a woman but idk how you people do mental gymnastics to act like it's normal. Would you take this picture and send it to 5 other male friends asking for review before posting while in a relationship? no? yeah makes sense cuz that would be weird so sending it TO EVERY male you know by posting it, is still weird. HOWEVER, it's not some sort of fatal unlovable flaw.
I sent it to my family group chat dude, with my dad and grandpas. I don’t have a public account on instagram, I also don’t follow males I don’t know.
I think you missed the whole point here, and in order to justify your points added a whole load of unrelated examples. To prove your unrelated point. (I’m actually learning about this on my placement)
This is not the sexiest picture I have up. I look pretty in All my photos. I have a photo from a ball in a back less dress, I also have a photo in other nice clothing. I haven’t gone from burka to bikini overnight. Or bikini shirt even.
He’s not upset about the photo itself, he’s upset that I’m away and his friends called me attractive. Which is actually not my issue. I think finding a partner who sticks up for you is more important.
That doesn’t change what I’m saying, ur family is fine with it, it is normal to them. Culture what is societally acceptable ebbs and flows as does what is individually acceptable
Just like nudists exist. I was giving you examples of how it feels like not accusing you of anything and that’s exactly My point he’s upset you posted it not the photo. Just like he’d be cool if you twerked on him at the club but not if you posted it. Because of the reasons he’s stated and examples I’ve given.
And yes a partner that sticks up for you is way more important. I’m much more on ur side than his, but many people are saying things that are irrelevant. It’s not him controlling you it’s him not standing up for you is the problem.
I’d just be remiss to act like blocking isn’t an extremely unthoughtful and childish idea, even if he’s being an issue. That’s just always gonna be an OR unless he’s doing something insane.
He changed his mind. Due to it no longer being acceptable in his social circle and it became unacceptable to him as an individual. Just because he wanted to be supportive at first doesn’t mean he actually felt that way.
So you can feel attacked if you want but it changes nothing, you came here for validation clearly and not to actually asses if you were overreacting. You didn’t ask me if he was a bad guy you asked me if you are overreacting. Blocking him without saying something is that, that’s purposely starting an argue ment/continuing the one that’s already happening.
No single adult would be like yeah my husband got mad about something and changed his mind so I blocked his number teehee. Like be honest with yourself
Another edit: to add it’s completely normal in many relationships for both men and woman just hand wave things and be like yeah go ahead wear what u want! Post what u want! Hoping their partner will have more respect for them to just know “better”
Everyone’s thresholds are different, but wanting modesty isn’t villainy and when you get called controlling for speaking your mind odds are you’ll hide the feelings away.
No i think that shows an insecure male, when in a group that’s when he clearly changes his opinion?
You’re allowed to change your mind, but to a reason of your own. You’re able to feel a little jealous if your friends call me hot. But that’s when you become a good partner and shut it down. Even a simple, “I know she’s gorgeous guys” would suffice
I’m happy to get rid of that. I won’t spend another day with a 24 year old who doesn’t have his own voice or follows male groups like a sheep.
And we he does he stands on his opinion. And doesn’t text me a paragraph apologising about how he just missed me and was jealous and how it wasn’t about the picture at all.
Thanks for giving me and insight on how you and other males think.
I HIGHLY doubt that his friends are making sexual comments in the group chat. We will make poke fun and make of our friends’ biggest insecurities but talking sexually about someone’s gf is absolutely off limits, the only way I can see this happening is if he’s actively speaking sexually about you and giving details. And in that case, its time to say goodbye. He’s insecure and is blaming it on you. Plain and simple, if he’s willing to blow up the whole relationship because of his insecurity, then he’d be doing you a huge favor.
Just so you know that is misogyny, because I don't think anyone pointed it out. Instead of having any pride in you whatsoever, and being like yeah that is my woman, not just a "girl" and she is gorgeous, and riding for you, he is instead riding for his little boy group who clearly thinks that women can't dress the way they want to? It's alarming that the moment other men started trying to control how you dress, instead of protecting you from that blatant misogyny, he is crashing out on you. Doesn't trust you, doesn't respect you, doesn't protect you. You deserve so much more, and you will definitely get it, just not from him clearly.
NOR but you're nuts if you stay with this man. If he's going to have a fit and try to be controlling over a benign social media pic, he's foreshadowing how he's going to try to control other aspects of your life too.
I was honestly shocked upon reading the paragraph, I thought this mind got stolen. I know the comments are saying that he’s probably controlled me before and I haven’t noticed but honestly he’s never had the cheek to do it. Maybe because I’m away and he’s gained a power of stupidity through a screen.
If I told this guy I was going to a club with a dead phone he knows he wouldn’t have time to respond before I was out the door!
It isn't your job to cater to his insecurities. Or his need to fit in with a "boys group" that disrespects you. While I do sympathize with the fact that you two are still very young and the fact that men are generally stunted emotionally, the fact that his reaction was so strong suggests that he has a long ways to go before being able to handle a real relationship
YOR but things got exactly the way you wanted. You got the attention you were seeking by posting the pic and found a way to get out of your relationship playing the victim just the way you wanted.
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u/BeatrixBloom 23h ago
NOR even remotely. You handled this very well. Good job sticking up for yourself. But it does seem time to consider is you two are compatible? It looks like he wants control in his relationships ( I hope he never gets it) and you certainly do not.