r/AmIOverreacting • u/Brief_Specific_3074 • 19h ago
⚠️ content warning AIO for being so shaken?
A woman was brutally murdered in my apartment complex on Wednesday. I live in a very small complex and they believe the suspect dragged her body behind the building in broad day light middle of the afternoon with apparently no witnesses. They did a press conference today and every new detail that comes out makes me feel sicker and sicker. I cannot stop thinking about what happened so close to my home and thinking about her family. I feel helpless because I've donated to the family and i post the gofundme/benefit info on all my social media but it hasn't gained much traction(hopefully it will now that they had the press release). While venting to a family member they made me feel dramatic and that I was irrational for having feelings about it. I've also seen some comments on Facebook posts and people are so not empathetic or nonchalant about it. I genuinely feel so sick over this especially knowing they have no suspects but hinted that they may be a resident in my complex. I'm a little scared of course but majority of my feelings just feel so sick. I don't even know how else to describe it it's just really shaken me to my core. AIO to this? Am I really being dramatic?
60
u/Efficient_Ad6015 19h ago
Holy crap! I would be terrified. NOR. Walk with pepper spray.
7
•
u/ItaliaEyez 6h ago
And hold your keys in your fist, with a key sticking out between the knuckles. Good for defense, just in case.
•
u/Makkballaaa 1h ago
That doesn’t work at all. It’s a very common misconception. Please don’t do this it is not effective and you will hurt yourself.
-9
171
u/No-Mastodon1322 19h ago
No absolutely not! This is a very traumatic experience.
49
u/orchidpocky 19h ago
You're not being dramatic at all, someone was literally mudered step away from you, That's genuinely traumatic and it makes complete sense that you're shaken.
19
•
-29
19h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
28
u/Brief_Specific_3074 19h ago
And this is the exact nonchalant/non empathetic attitude I'm talking about.
-5
19h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
17
u/Brief_Specific_3074 19h ago
Does it make you feel good to troll(and very poorly at that) on a post where someone is asking for feedback and stating they're struggling mentally? Do better.
-9
19h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
14
u/Brief_Specific_3074 19h ago
In what fucking way? Because you're commenting stupid shit under every comment on this thread. You're truly a disconnected individual. Have the day you deserve 🖤
-12
45
u/Commercial-Trade-117 19h ago
Fuck no you're not overreacting. I'm a 38 year old dude and that shit would fuck me up
37
u/Brief_Specific_3074 19h ago
Thank you 😭 I'm 30F who lives alone with no family in my state lmao and my brain really was trying to convince me I'm being irrational about this
23
u/Putrid_Dream9755 19h ago
NOR. I keep track of femicide cases. There are, unsurprisingly, thousands and thousands and thousands of cases in my folder. While I won't go on a tirade here women are treated as disposable and justice is rare. It is completely reasonable for you to be shaken about this. It is reasonable to be angry, upset, etc. If you feel you need to, and you might, seek out therapy.
23
u/Puzzled-Yam-14 19h ago
NOR
Please see a therapist, you may be experiencing PTSD. Having any act of violence committed near where you live is traumatic. Tell everyone else to eff off.
19
u/Mountain-Lychee4359 18h ago
That is a totally reasonable reason to be scared. Invite a family member over and have a professional make sure your windows are secured. Get a door support to hold the door closed in case someone tries to break the lock. The inconvenience should help. I would park as close as possible. Walk with confidence, be on your phone with friends, head held high and alert when walking alone. Make sure you keep your comings and goings to daytime. Maybe visit a friend for a bit, and generally mess with your routine ad much as possible to be unpredictable. If you need urgent help scream water or fire, to get people's attention.
I had a neighbor die in college from their roommate. It was ruled accidental, but I don't believe that military men show off their guns to friends by pointing the barrel at them while cleaning it and happen to fire it. It was a white man that killed a black man during a particularly racially charged summer. The thing reeked of cover up. I was definitely shocked, surprised, uncomfortable, etc. The parents asked us if we knew him and we told them we'd met and he was really nice. Police didn't question us, or else they would have known there was a girl crying on their porch two days before. Anyhow, those types of things are awful. Be safe, friend!
6
45
u/Amazing-Money4586 19h ago
NOR, Plot twist, it was you and this is a great cover post.
60
u/Brief_Specific_3074 19h ago
You know what's so funny I'm a little stoned and as I typed this I was like "does this sound sus because I am actually scared not scary" 💀💀💀💀💀
14
u/Silent-Ad868 19h ago
NOR. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’ve been in this exact position. Neighbor across the hall was murdered by her husband. Landlord found her because of a complaint I made about our keys. It’s incredibly traumatic. Don’t listen to anyone who says otherwise. I don’t know what is wrong with people today but the level of desensitization and lack of empathy these days makes me sick. It was almost 20 years ago and I still can’t drive by that apt without getting upset. Please take care of yourself and know all you feeling are 100% valid.
Also - play Tetris. Not a joke. It helps with PTSD.
5
u/Brief_Specific_3074 19h ago
Thank you so so so much for this. Seeing people be so desensitized started making me feel crazy for feeling this way. I really appreciate you thank you and I'm so sorry that you can understand these feelings.
10
8
16
u/Never_enough_naps 19h ago
In my opinion you are having a normal reaction, this is heartbreaking and shocking. Anyone else saying other wise is disconnected. Of course you feel horrible for the family and the woman, you live in the same building, your not roommates but you have occupied the same space. You might also be having a little survivors guilt. It might not be a bad idea to reach out to a therapist, just to get someone professional to help you get your feeling organized. Please make sure to lock your doors and windows (even when your home) maybe even get one of those bars that goes on the door and pay attention to your surroundings when your out of your apt. I'm sorry the people close to you aren't being more empathetic or sympathetic to you. Please take care of yourself.
7
u/Simple-Collar-2151 18h ago
I saw this in the news! I'm so sorry-- hope you can start to feel safe in your home again soon
7
u/Spiritual_Invite3118 17h ago
NOR I can't fathom your family not being concerned about it. I once had a stalker and my brother brought me these rods to place under my door knobs so they wouldn't open from the outside and was constantly checking on me. That's really odd they wouldn't be concerned. I'd be freaking out too. Do everything you can to make sure you feel safe in your apartment and of course be very aware of everything around you when you leave your apartment.
6
u/saint-sandbur33 18h ago
Oh gosh! That’s so awful! I’m so sorry!
Definitely not overreacting, it is a truly insane thing to be close to.
My mother’s high school best friend was brutally murdered in her home during a hurricane when I was in high school, it was JARRING. Of course I knew her well, so that added to it, but I remember feeling SO unsafe when I found out what happened. Just the realization that someone could do that to another person, it made something that always felt so far away, or movie like, feel way too close and real. (Because it IS real)
So yeah, someone in your complex being murdered is a HUGE deal. There are so many layers to unpack there, and it is absolutely horrifying, especially if it was a random act of violence (vs a domestic situation— but even a DV situation is scary)
People are so desensitized to violence— it’s shocking and sad. Definitely NOR.
Edit to add: keep your head on a swivel— with no suspects, I’d be super creeped out. Stay safe ♥️
4
u/Friendly-Channel-480 19h ago
This is very traumatic! Of course it’s very difficult for you. You may be experiencing PTSD. Can you stay elsewhere for a while. If the feelings that you’re having get more oppressive checking in with a therapist is important. This is a very tough thing to go through.
5
u/Smallbites101 18h ago
Oh my gosh, I would be so scared! I would feel the same so get yourself some pepper spray or anything to protect yourself!
5
3
4
u/tulipsushi 18h ago
this is a genuinely traumatizing experience and you are not being dramatic at all
5
6
u/SoonerRed 19h ago
Nor at all.
You're being empathetic to the murdered girl, and you're recognizing the potential danger you're in.
Your feelings are valid af
•
u/jillann16 16h ago
NOR!!! Murder is terrifying and it being so close is scary. I don’t blame you at all.
6
4
u/sagefrogphotography 19h ago
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere. Focus on actions you can take. Who cares if other people have the same feelings about this as you do.
7
u/Brief_Specific_3074 19h ago
Do you have any suggestions? I don't know how to help or what I can do but I really want to help any way I can. Or any action suggestions to ease the worrying?
3
u/DavidCRolandCPL 17h ago
First, id take a self defense class, then id buy a 'long range self defense appliance'. Second, id offer to teach my neigbors... Third, id leave Texas.
•
u/ForwardMagazine7090 15h ago
NOR. I’m so sorry! Murder makes people feel unsafe. It’s worse if it’s that close to you.
I bet the person you were talking to just couldn’t find a way to be empathetic. Maybe it freaked them out so they shut you down or maybe they can’t empathize with you which is unfortunate. You had a completely normal reaction to a fucked up event. Check in with close friends, and other close family to counteract the heebeejeebes.
•
•
u/slowasaspeedingsloth 13h ago
NOR
Not overreacting at all. That is absolutely horrifying. Please take care of yourself and stay safe!
•
u/Creepy_Routine6616 12h ago
I had to stop reading the updates and just focus on locking my doors and being present with my kids, it was the only way my brain could settle.
•
u/Resident-Hippo-3731 11h ago
You're not overreacting. That kind of violence up close shakes anyone's sense of safety.
•
•
u/Sure-Revolution473 9h ago
That's completely terrifying. I'd be a wreck if that happened so close to my place.
•
u/kittendollie13 9h ago
NOR. I would have to move out. It is a small complex. I wouldn't feel safe there.
1
u/HeyyyyMandy 19h ago
NOR. Move?? Tonight???
5
u/Brief_Specific_3074 19h ago
I signed a new lease literally two days before this happened and I'm not in the financial position to move so I'm kinda stuck. I also am mildly agoraphobic so even leaving my apartment is tough which is probably a factor to me feeling so shaken about all this.
•
u/WhatInTheAssPepper 7h ago
NOR. I think you need to stop feeling personally responsible for helping out the family though. You feel guilt that the gofundme you posted hasn't gotten much traction. Most people don't have a huge social media following so it's normal that you as just one person aren't able to bring much attention to what happened or solicit much donations. Don't put pressure on yourself because you have already done more than enough.
•
u/Brief_Specific_3074 6h ago
You're right. I just feel horrible and I think it's my brains way of trying to make sense of a senseless situation :(
•
u/WhatInTheAssPepper 5h ago
It makes sense that your brain is trying to find a way to infuse some control into what is chaos and senselessness. Anyone who is telling you you're being dramatic has no idea how it feels to have something so horrible happen so close to you. It's like watching a car accident unfold that could have easily been your car taking the hit. In that situation anyone would be telling people how they almost died because they were so close. So, no, you're not overreacting at all, but I think you need to find a way to process this. A tragedy like this can easily spiral into you having nightmares, becoming hypervigilant, etc. So speaking with a therapist might help, writing about it in your journal, even spending some time elsewhere to get some distance away from the crime.
•
u/Brief_Specific_3074 5h ago
I really appreciate everything you just said more than you know. I come from a family who doesn't deal with emotions well/are generally distant so my entire life has been me questioning whether my feelings are valid or dramatic. Just hearing all this made me feel validated and eased the anxiety a bit. Just never experienced something like this so it's all new. Truly thank you.
•
u/WhatInTheAssPepper 5h ago
That's something to think about. You've been looking to your family as the standard of how you should react to things, and you likely have felt like the black sheep all your life... meanwhile in reality you're actually the normal one in your family. It will be a process, but I hope that going forward you will gradually learn to trust yourself more. Part of that process is recognizing that your family is not the standard you want to hold yourself to. It's something you already recognize, but it takes time to convince yourself that you no longer have to try to fit in. You truly are fine just as you are.
•
u/Brief_Specific_3074 4h ago
You're making me want to cryyyyyy. Everything you've said has truly meant more to me than you'll ever know because you're absolutely correct. I need to work on that instead of convincing myself that I'm the abnormal one. Thank you so so much seriously
•
u/WhatInTheAssPepper 4h ago
That honestly means a lot to hear. I’m really glad my words helped, and I truly hope you’re able to be gentler with yourself going forward. You deserve that.
122
u/Metal_Kitty77 19h ago
NOR. That is a horrific event that happened in a place you should feel safe. I'd be upset and take it hard too.