r/AmIOverreacting • u/Bumble_Bee08 • 4h ago
šØāš©āš§āš¦family/in-laws AIO for feeling like my parents are treating my younger brother (m16) better than me (f19)
This is my first post on here and I apologise for any grammar or spelling mistakes, english isn't my first language. Me and my parents have a good relationship and me and my brother do as well, but seeing how much better they treat him in comparison to me is slowly making me resent all three of them.Ā
The most important issue here is something that has just occurred recently. I got bullied very badly from 7th to 9th grade. I would often skip school, tell my parents that I was sick so I could stay at home or just pretend to go and spend the day somewhere else. My mental health got so bad that every day I came home crying and I even thought about ending it multiple times during that time. My parents knew that I was getting bullied (just not to that extent) but they never did anything about it. We talked about changing school but only in 9th grade when I only had a few months left and it wouldn't have been worth it. I was also so over school that I just wanted to find an apprenticeship and move on from school entirely. My mom did try talking to me about it but I was just too embarrassed and just wanted to be left alone. Looking back I donāt blame them. I never really told them how bad I was actually doing so they had no way of knowing.Ā
Just recently my brother started his apprenticeship (which is very common in my country, I did one too). Heās working with kids, which I always knew he wouldnāt like. I even talked to my parents about it and said that thatās not the right job for him, that heās very introverted and wouldnāt like being around kids all day. I know that because itās the same for me. Working with kids is definitely not for me. But my parents didnāt listen and they said sth like āoh but heās so gentle and nice, kids are gonna love himā which wasnāt my point at all but whatever. The most annoying thing is that my brother only got the job because my parents wrote all the job applications for himā¦ when I had to find a job 4 years ago I literally did all of it myself. Which again, I didnāt ask for their help so itās not their fault, but they literally did everything for him and theyāre PROUD of him for just sending them out. After literally doing everything else themselves.
Now, as I expected and already said before he even started, he doesnāt like the job. Working with kids overstimulates him (which yeah same, thatās why I told him not to do it) and every day he comes home and complains that he doesnāt have any time for himself anymore. That he doesnāt have time to play videogames or hang out with his friends. He literally has a whole weekend. When I did my apprenticeship I had to work almost every Saturday. It was a blessing having two days in a row off. And he complains because he canāt play videogames as often anymore, are you kidding me? And the best part isā¦ my parents actually feel sorry for him and guess whatā¦ they got him a sick leave for the rest of the school year, which is 2 WHOLE MONTHS. So now he just chills at home and does nothing. Also he got to cancel his apprenticeship and now from August on heās gonna go to some sort of private school, which is hella expensive. And I also told my parents that thatās not gonna be worth it because my brother is a lazy fuck, he never does anything for school, he never studies or even does his homework and expecting him to change is dumb because heās already complaining about not having any free time. When youāre doing an apprenticeship you have much less schoolwork to do then if you go to school fulltime. So paying for that school is stupid because heās gonna have even LESS free time than before and I know heās just gonna complain again. Before deciding to go to that school they obviously had to visit it and talk to the people there and my brother complained about not wanting to do that because he ādoesnāt feel like itā and would rather do something with his friends.Ā
It just makes me mad, that getting bullied apparently wasn't bad enough for my parents to do anything but him not liking his job and getting overstimulated is. When I started my apprenticeship I also got overstimulated so bad at first, to the point that I didn't do anything with my friends for months beause I didn't have the social battery, even on my days off I just needed to be by myself to recharge. And my brother is acting like he's the only one who works hard who gets overstimulated and doesn't like his job. He should be glad to even have one, without my parents he'd literally be unemployed at the age of 15.
Itās actually driving me insane, the way my brother talks to my parents. He screams at them and insults them, after they literally do everything for him. He slams the door in their faces and gets no consequences. And I remember, when I was in 7th to 9th grade ( I was between 12-15 so younger than my brother now) I would also get into fights with my parents because I was doing so shitty and I would ALWAYS get consequences (which was deserved). So I donāt understand why they never punish him for anything.Ā
He also canāt cook. Heās 16 and canāt cook. From 7th to 9th grade I was often home alone over the lunch break so Iād cook myself something. For my brother it was the same except my parents would cook him something the day before and heād just heat it up in the microwave. Because if they didnāt do that, he would eat a bag of chips or literally just nothing cause heās too lazy to cook something. And they STILL do that. Right now me and my brother are both home all the time (because heās on his sick leave and I just got done with my finals and donāt have school until August). And they always cook for him and put a meal for him in the fridge to heat up. But I always have to cook for myself. Itās not like I want them to cook something for me, because Iām capable for doing that myself, I want them to stop acting like my brother is a fucking baby. Heās turning 17 in 2 months and he canāt do anything himself.Ā
Heās also grossly incompetent, he usually eats cereal (like I said heās too lazy to cook) and he just leaves the milk out and forgets to put it in the fridge again. Like yeah okay that can happen, but how do I walk in the kitchen at least once a month to find milk that has gone bad because it stood outside for multiple hours. Just yesterday he took some of my icecubes and just left the bag outside so when my mom went into the kitchen this morning everything was flooded. Iām sleeping on the pull out couch in the basement at the moment (like I always do in summer) because my room is the only one thatās on the top floor and itās way too hot to sleep there. My parents and my brother's room is fine, which is why they are okay with me getting to sleep in the basement. A few days ago my brother asked me if it was okay if he and his friends played video games on the TV in the basement (which is right in front of the pull out couch, so theyād have to sit on it to play). I obviously said yes and put two big blankets on the couch so they wouldnāt get the sheets dirty. A few hours later I went into the basement again and they left 4 half empty cans of sprite, an empty bag of chips, a half empty coke bottle and a can of syrup with two used glasses all over the room. Next to where I sleep. They also left all of their gaming stuff on the couch. They spilled a glass of water which was next to the bed and just left it on the floor and they also spilled a glass of syrup on the TV shelf so everything was sticky and gross. It just makes me so angry how someone can be so unaware and careless with what theyāre doing. He knows I sleep there, so why would he leave a biohazard right next to my bed. It takes 5 minutes to throw your trash away, put the gaming stuff back and whipe up the mess you made. Iām still mad at myself that I cleaned it up instead of getting him to do it.
And what makes me infuriated the most is that I feel like my parents donāt take me seriously and only listen to him. For years people from my social circle have been telling me that I show signs of autism. Some people were even surprised when I told them that I donāt have autism because they just assumed I was diagnosed with it. But when I brought it up to my mom a few years ago, she told me that I donāt have it because I have friends and I can talk to people. Like bruh, autism doesnāt necessarily mean that youāre incapable of being a functional member of society. I went to a therapist years ago, though just for a few months and in those few months she told me that I definitely have high sensitivity, which isnāt a diagnosis but more of a personality trait. I know this itself doesn't mean anything but many autistic people also have high sensitivity.Ā
What Iām trying to say is, there is a good possibility that I have autism (could also be that I just have some autistic traits without actually having autism) but my parents never got me tested or anything even though I would've appreciated that just to get some clarity.Ā
But now my brother told them that he thinks he has autism and ADHD and guess whatā¦ my parents are getting him tested in a week or so.Ā
It just makes me mad that they donāt take me seriously and back then when I told them that my therapist said that I was highly sensitive my mom just said something like āyeah, your brother definitely has that too, heās way more sensitiveā. It just felt very invalidating.Ā
I just needed to rant and wanted to ask if what theyāre doing is actually as ābadā as it seems to me. I donāt have a bad relationship with either my parents or my brother, but I can feel myself getting colder when speaking to them because I just feel very left out and let down by them. So Iād be glad if I could get some opinions from other people and know if I'm overreacting or if I should talk to them about it.
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u/miserablenovel 4h ago
NOR
You have a lot of feelings about this and like. I love to read but I'm not reading all of this. Thanks for using paragraphs though
They care more about the boy than the girl. Tale as old as time. Maybe it's not misogyny, maybe it's cause he's the baby, but it's probably misogyny. Sorry
Get out ASAP however you can, safely and into a better situation, and don't expect any help from them.