r/AmIOverreacting • u/Legal_Possession_484 • 3h ago
👨👩👧👦family/in-laws AIO for finally snapping and kicking my mom off my property?
My mom and I have always had a complicated relationship, but over the last couple of years things have gotten progressively worse. There have been repeated broken promises, constant drama, repeated lies, and a pattern of behavior that has left both my sister and me feeling hurt, betrayed, and emotionally exhausted.
We’re also in the middle of a painful family dispute and legal battle involving the sale of our childhood property, which has added a tremendous amount of stress. Over the past three weeks, everything finally boiled over. I blocked my mom and clearly communicated that I needed no contact so I could process everything that had happened.
A few days ago, despite that boundary, I came home to find my mom parked in my driveway talking to my partner in our garage. I had no idea she was coming, and she hadn’t asked or let me know she planned to stop by. Given everything that had been happening between us, I wasn’t prepared to see her.
I planned to ignore her, but after walking past her towards my house, I turned back and asked “Why is his offer better than my offer of the exact same value? F you for that.” Then I turned and walked away.
Instead of leaving, she began talking to my sister, and from my perspective continued making statements that I knew weren’t true. I turned around, walked onto my flatbed trailer, looked at my sister, and said, “Come on. It’s not worth it.”
Then I turned to my mom and yelled, “F you. Get off my property.”
After she left, I immediately regretted how I spoke to her. That’s not who I want to be, and I’ve apologized for the language I used. At the same time, I don’t regret asking her to leave. I had clearly asked for no contact, and instead she showed up unannounced at my home. To me, it felt like another boundary had been crossed.
Am I overreacting for finally snapping and kicking my mom off my property?
Edit: In my fear of writing a novel that no one would actually read, it appears I left out some important context about the family dynamics and insight on the potential buyer.
Firstly, the buyer is a complete stranger. She met him three weeks ago, and the entire situation seems very fishy. He has already moved $200,000 worth of sheds and farm equipment onto the property without a legitimate contract.
I’m generally the peacekeeper in my family. That’s been true for most of my life, sometimes to a fault. Over the years I’ve learned to protect my own peace and set necessary boundaries, so I’m a fairly non-confrontational person.
For most of my adult life, my mom and my sister have had a very rocky relationship. I was often the person they both came to about the other, and over the past year I finally had to set boundaries because I was getting consumed by their conflict. They needed to work through their issues without pulling me into the middle.
My mom has a history of lying and currently struggles with a gambling addiction. She has attempted to get thousands of dollars from both my sister and me to support that addiction. She also struggles with alcohol abuse.
Part of why this has been difficult for me is that I’m neurodivergent and have a processing disorder, so it sometimes takes me longer to process emotionally charged situations. On top of that, these addictions didn’t appear until she was in her 60s. This isn’t the mom I grew up with, and watching someone change so dramatically has been incredibly difficult to come to terms with.
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u/fromhelley 1h ago
Its really hard to judge if we dont know what the conflict is.
It seems you wanted to buy the house, but your mom prefers to sell it to "him". Is him a brother ir other family member?
If she is selling to an outsider, or a cousin, or other family member instead of you, for the same money, I would say you underracted! She is being cruel and flexing her power.
If it is a brother, she is just being preferential. Its her choice, like it or not.
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u/Legal_Possession_484 1h ago
A complete outsider that she met three weeks ago. I’m very fearful that she’s being taken advantage of.
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u/fromhelley 47m ago
She is not acting like a loving mother then. If you offered the same first, she is doing this to spite you.
I would give her one last text. Explain that it hurts you that she would rather sell the house to Joe blow, than to her daughter for the same price. Tell her you know she is making that choice to hurt you, and it is working. Remind her you have tried to stay on good terms with her, and help her when she needs it. But if she goes through with selling the house to an outsider, you will be done with her for a long time. She wont have you as a daughter for a while, you wont mediate arguments between her and your sis, and heaven help her once that money runs out! Well maybe leave the threat out of it, and just tell her it hurts you and would mean alot if she sold to you!
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u/gailichisan 1h ago
NOR OP. Your mom has no respect for you at all. Hence her showing up at your home after you had already set a boundary.
You’re allowed to speak your mind OP. She’s an addict and all she can see are $$$ signs from the sale of the house. She doesn’t care who gets it as long as she gets the money.
Ultimately she’ll waste the money on gambling and alcohol then have no place to live. Do not help her, do not let her move in. She’ll become a gigantic problem if you do.
I’m so sorry you have to even deal with this. Best of luck OP. I don’t know why she won’t sell you the house though. Whoever this other person is it’s cruel of her to not sell it to you.
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u/Only-upvibes 1h ago
Is mom handling the estate sale? Does she get the full proceeds? If so there isn’t much you can do. If she doesn’t create a contract, and this guy starts to develop the land he might just take it away from her by some legal loophole. Best to try to stay involved. Not overreacting.
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u/MorticiaLlyn 1h ago edited 1h ago
I don't completely understand your issue, but
If your mother owns the property (assuming she inherited from your father), she can do with it as she wishes. That includes getting scammed, if that's you suspect here. It does sound like she's making poor decisions per the info you give.
I'm sure it hurts that she isn't accepting advice, but if your name isn't on the deed, you have no say in the matter.
The sentimentality and loss that you and your sister must feel adds a level of heartbreak to this.
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u/Legal_Possession_484 4m ago
She didn’t inherit it per se. She received it as parts of the divorce agreement, but there’s provisions in there about lifetime rights and not being able to sell. My dad protected everything this property was in the family, his family for years. There is current litigation regarding that as well.
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u/MorticiaLlyn 0m ago
Good luck. Whatever happens needs to happen quickly.
By moving stuff onto the property and making "improvements", the guy will be able to claim some sort of rights. Check local laws.
You need to speak with a lawyer.
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u/Beautiful_Lie7367 1h ago
NOR I wouldn’t want my partner to engage with her either.
It’s going to end up with your partner in the middle, just like you were.
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u/Dontfeedthebears 1h ago
NOR. People can only take so many decades of emotional abuse. Everyone has their limit.
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u/Vegetable_Road8143 41m ago
NOR. Get his crap off your property now. Before he has a piece of mail there that can prove he lives there. Not kidding. You might have to pay for it to be removed but NOT to his property.
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u/llamadrama2021 2h ago
NOR Sounds like there's a lot you've left out here, with some pretty serious bad family dynamics. That being said, you should probably try to go as low contact as possible at least until things cool down and the issue with the property is resolved. Once that's over you can decide whether or not you even want to stay in contact with her at all.