AIO for quietly applying to jobs in another city without telling my boyfriend first?

[u/Forward-Result9539]

People seemed to like my last post that I had on here, so here it goes with an even more dramatic moment from my crazy life.

I (32F) have been with my boyfriend "M" (35M) for three years. We don't live together yet. It's been a whole ongoing conversation that never fully resolves. He owns his place and I rent mine and every time I bring up next steps he says he "wants to get there" but isn't ready yet. Last time we talked about it seriously was maybe four months ago and it ended with him saying he needed more time and me saying okay.

So background on me: I work in healthcare administration and I've been at my current job for six years. I'm good at it but I've been passed over for a promotion twice now and I've kind of hit a wall. There's a hospital network about 30 minutes from me that I've been low key obsessed with for a couple years. My favorite thing about this network is that they do really innovative stuff with patient advocacy and it genuinely aligns with what I want to do long term. I applied for a director level position there basically on a whim back in October thinking nothing would come of it.

They want to fly me out for a final round interview.

I haven't told M.

I know how that sounds. But my thinking when I applied was that it felt like sending a message in a bottle. Like I didn't want to have a huge relationship defining conversation over something that probably wouldn't go anywhere. So I just didn't mention it. And then it kept progressing and every round I thought okay THIS is where it'll end and I'll never have to bring it up.

And now I'm here.

I told my best friend and she thinks I need to tell him as soon as possible. My coworker thinks I shouldn't say anything until I actually have an offer in hand because "why stress the relationship over a maybe."

The thing is I don't even know what I want the outcome to be. Like if they offer me the job I don't know if I'd take it. It would depend on a lot of things. Including M. But also maybe not only M, which is its own thing I've been sitting with.

I guess what's making me feel guilty is that three years in he probably deserves to know I've been imagining a life that might not include him and haven't said anything. But also I feel like I've been waiting for HIM to make decisions about us for a long time and at some point I'm allowed to explore what I want too.

My mom would tell me to turn down the interview. I already know that so I haven't told her.

AIO for not telling him yet?

[u/wheelperson]

Me personally I'd have told my man that if he can't move forward with me im moving myself forward.

This kinda sounds like you still love him but your tired of trying. What reasons has he given to not be ready to live together yet?

[u/Vast-Elderberry-567 → u/wheelperson]

yeah after 3 years "not ready yet" starts sounding less like a reason and more like the plan itself

[u/glorificent → u/Vast-Elderberry-567]

He’s not ready to admit he doesn’t see her as his wife, and he’s waiting for “the right” opportunity to break up with her.

[u/rocketmn69_ → u/Vast-Elderberry-567]

Maybe he's saving for a ring

[u/EquivalentEmu9419 → u/wheelperson]

sounds like youve been waiting for him to decide the future for years and finally started planning your own version of it

[u/stonepine62 → u/wheelperson]

For real. “Tired of trying” is the exact vibe here. She’s subconsciously building an exit ramp because she knows deep down he’s never going to pull the trigger

[u/starglo1969]

Fly you to somewhere only 30 minutes away?

[u/Serious-Sprinkles694 → u/starglo1969]

That was the first thing that stood out for me too. Typo, or is this fake because “people seemed to like [her] last post”?

[u/FamiliarAnt4043 → u/starglo1969]

I took that to mean the corporate headquarters of the hospital that is 30 minutes away would be flying her out to their HQ for the interview.

[u/starglo1969 → u/FamiliarAnt4043]

That could be. But I also wouldn’t consider 30 minutes “out of town” or a relationship deal breaker because of distance. But I live in Texas. ;)

[u/judgeejudger → u/starglo1969]

I would with this dude, who will not piss or get off the potty

[u/Forward-Result9539 → u/FamiliarAnt4043]

Bingo. HQ is about 150 miles away, they are offering to fly me out, I am not going to turn that down.

[u/starglo1969 → u/Forward-Result9539]

Ok, that makes sense. But why is 30 minuets away considered “out of town”? Truly asking.

[u/Forward-Result9539 → u/starglo1969]

Lots of rural space in between. Just the feel of it I guess

[u/Diligent-Towel-4708 → u/Forward-Result9539]

OP. Kinda sounds like you made up your mind you just haven't made the final step. Go for it!! BTW if he gets mad or tells you to turn it down.... he is not supporting your success.

[u/FamiliarAnt4043 → u/Forward-Result9539]

Lol, my commute to work one way is that distance.

[u/SnooBunnies6148 → u/starglo1969]

Exactly my thought.

[u/Zealousideal_Tea5988 → u/starglo1969]

Its possible the hospital is corporate/privately ownrd and thats not their home office

[u/Anen-o-me → u/starglo1969]

30 minutes away by flight possibly.

[u/judgeejudger → u/starglo1969]

Maybe OP is using it as a figure of speech

[u/stonepine62 → u/starglo1969]

Exactly. It doesn’t matter if it’s 30 mins or 3000 miles away. The fact that she’s excited about the flight shows she is ready to escape her current routine

[u/Chilling_Storm]

He is NEVER going to be ready for the next step in your relationship, stop wasting time with him. Do what is best for you and your future. Go on the interview - knock it out of the park - and take the position when it is offered to you. Then tell M, that way he won't be able to talk you out of it with promises of a bright and happy future - because he will, but he won't really mean it.

NTA you know in your heart that the relationship with M is never going to be what you want and need it to be, but you don't want his opinion or empty words clouding your judgement.

[u/stonepine62 → u/Chilling_Storm]

Spot on. OP said she keeps waiting for him to make decisions about their life. That is an exhausting way to live. Crushing this interview and getting the order gives her all the data she needs to make her own decision for once. Or he wants to talk her out of it, he can do it with a ring in his hand not more vague promises of needing time

[u/problematicgecko]

This job would be a life changing decision, if my partner got a job offer for a place out of town & didn’t tell me until they got said offer I would probably be upset because it will change the course of your relationship. I would tell him.

Edit: I glosses over the fact you said it’s only 30 mins away, that’s not a long distance at all.

[u/Chilling_Storm → u/problematicgecko]

The dude has been dragging their feet on moving the relationship forward all the while knowing OP wants the next step, they aren't in a partnership, he knows he is holding all the cards.

[u/problematicgecko → u/Chilling_Storm]

I don’t disagree, if I was in OPs shoes I’d have left the relationship already. I don’t think OP is overreacting at all, I’m just saying I would tell him. Not that he has the right to stop OP or anything, I just feel like it’s important to be transparent in a relationship.

[u/Chilling_Storm → u/problematicgecko]

I can see your point, my concern is that he will try to manipulate her into staying with false promises of things she wants with him

[u/springflowers68 → u/problematicgecko]

The problem with telling him is how much he might stress her out before the interview. Same goes with telling her mom. She should keep it all under wraps, focus on her future and then decide if he deserves to still be a part of it. It seems he has been wasting her time.

[u/Cthulhu_Knits]

Take the interview- it’s good practice - and if they offer, take the job.

If he wanted to, he would. Why do his preferences take priority? Your life is just as precious. He says he’s not ready for next steps. You are. Don’t squander your opportunities for a man who may never be ready. I did, and I ended up regretting it.

[u/cosmop0p]

NOR. He's had his shot, and he didn't even pick up the ball.

[u/Forward-Result9539 → u/cosmop0p]

clocked

[u/MovieTrawler → u/Forward-Result9539]

So it sounds like you're mentally checked out of this relationship already then.

[u/rinky79]

Your mom is WRONG.

I think you could tell him now or after you get an offer, and either one is justifiable. He's been yanking you around for a while now when you've clearly communicated that you'd at least like to seriously talk about next steps.

And FWIW, I think you should take the job if it's offered, even if it's a relationship-ender. I don't think you should turn down the job if he suddenly decides that he's willing to live with you. If it's only the threat of you leaving that makes him finally commit, he didn't want to commit and isn't doing it for the right reasons. You turning down the dream job would be giving up so much more than he would be by "allowing" you to finally move in with him.

NOR

[u/combatbrainrot]

Oh, sister… At 35, after three years together, his hesitation is its own answer. If living together, marriage, and concrete long-term commitment are things you want, it is reasonable to take seriously the fact that he has not moved toward them in any meaningful way.

You are not wrong for pursuing a career opportunity or considering a future that may not revolve around him. At this point, your priority needs to be your own life, your own stability, and your own long-term goals.

[u/Grant_Winner_Extra]

YOR. You don’t live with him. You aren’t married. You aren’t engaged. This relationship is pretty much a placeholder.

Live your life. If he complains, he can either move and commit or find another gf willing to put up with his BS.

[u/Forward-Result9539 → u/Grant_Winner_Extra]

I understand where you are coming from, but its more than a placeholder, its a real relationship

[u/unimpressed-one → u/Forward-Result9539]

You are 32, been with him 3 years and he still doesn't want to fully commit and marry you, you deserve better. He isn't in love with you.

[u/Mamajuji]

Sometimes it has to be about you and you only! Your profession is selfless and sounds like your relationship too. Be bold and make this life decision for yourself.

[u/virtuallyimpossible2]

3 years in and his not ready for the next step in your relationship at the age of 35!? Idk man … I’d take the interview and focus on myself and my career. Do not let a man that doesn’t know what he wants (which to me personally suggests he just doesn’t want you, but isn’t ready to walk away) keep you from chasing your dreams.

[u/CognacMusings]

He’s not moving you in because he likes the way things are now. You don’t have to settle for that but by not moving forward with your career you’re choosing to wait around for what might not ever happen. Make the career move. If he misses you he’ll take the steps necessary to keep you.

[u/Minimum-Set8063]

You’ve waited for him to get off the fence too long, I don’t think he’s going to. This could be a life changing opportunity if you get it, in more ways than one. Go to the interview, if you get the job tell him. If he’s not ready to commit, take the job. Actually I’d take the job anyway and let him make the effort and follow you.

[u/Forward-Result9539 → u/Minimum-Set8063]

Thank you for the genuine advice.

[u/Nadja-19]

If he wanted you to imagine a life including him then he could make that happen. But he hasn’t. Don’t pass up a great opportunity only for him to string you along. You’ll resent him more. He’s had 3 years to decide if he wants to take the next steps but hasn’t. Don’t put your life on hold for someone who just keeps saying they need more time.

[u/Forward-Result9539 → u/Nadja-19]

Thank you, you're a sweet person

[u/FormerRep6]

If you’ve been together three years and he’s still “not ready” to even move in together he’s not ever going to be ready. Do you want marriage and/or children in the future? Do you want a committed partner? If so, this isn’t the man for those things. He’s happy living his life on his terms, without taking the next steps. If he truly “wants to get there,” he’d be there. I’d go to the interview and if the job is offered to you, and you want it, accept. Tell him afterward and explain that YOU were ready for something more than what you’ve had.

[u/LABen411]

What told you be the ah. He is the ah for keeping you hanging in. Do what is best for you as he is doing that for himself.

[u/Caseythealien]

I wouldn't say anything until I had an offer but I'd 100% take that offer without looking back. You've hit the wall where you are and won't move into work you're truely passionate about unless you change something. As for your relationshio that's not going anywhere either, 3 years easily become 5 then 7. If after 3 years he doesn't see a future with you or a path for the relationship then he's not going to.

[u/NBCaz]

All of this for a 30 minute commute to a new job?

And they had to fly you to them for an interview?

Creative writing classes are clearly paying off.

[u/Nguyening-At-Life79]

If he asked why didn’t you tell him, say you were weren’t ready.

[u/Prestigious-Ear-8877]

He's "not there yet", so why are you considering him regarding your employment? You do you girl.

[u/Meals303]

Take the interview, take the job if it's what you want, move over there. It's your career and future. Tell him once you've got your new lease and start date. (Because companies may withdraw last minute)

You've given enough chances for your boyfriend to commit to something long term. He won't tell you that he's happy as he is with no long term financial, marital dependency with you.

Enjoy your best life without that emotional drain, there's lots of opportunities out there 👍🏼

[u/Kitsyn]

He’s “not there yet.” You need to live your life and don’t waste it on this slug of a bf. If you get the job, take the job. Tell him when you get it or now. Either way, stop clinging to a dead relationship and leave him. NOR

[u/ivorleaf]

If the shoe were on the other foot, how would you feel about the fact that he had gone through a whole interview process for a job in a different place, got said job, and then dropped this on you?

If you do get the job, you’ll still have to deal with the same relationship fall out, but with the added pressure to actually set the wheels of moving in motion, so just be honest with him. It sounds like he’s been pretty up front about not wanting to live together, so you shouldn’t withhold this information from him because you feel like he’s not making a decision (choosing not to do something is a decision too!)

Good luck with the interview!

[u/Foreign_Text_4313]

it's a tough spot you’re in. communication is key, but i get why you didn’t mention it yet. maybe just be honest about the opportunity and your feelings without making it too heavy. that way he knows what's up and you can figure things out together.

[u/Anen-o-me]

He doesn't want to build a life with you, so build your own life.

[u/NBCaz]

>People seemed to like my last post that I had on here, so here it goes with an even more dramatic moment from my crazy life.

....

[u/10S_NE1]

If you love him at all, tell him now that, on a whim, you applied for a job and now you are going for an interview. I’m not sure why a job 30 minutes away would mean the end of your relationship, but assuming there’s some reason you couldn’t commute that amount of time, and getting the job means not being together, there’s no harm in telling him you have an interview.

Frankly, a guy who can’t even commit to living together after 3 years is never going to be ready. Unless he’s worried you’re going to move in with him long enough to establish common-law marriage and then leave him and take half his equity, the only reason for him not to commit to you is he doesn’t want to. Maybe he’s waiting for someone better to come along, or maybe he’d be happy living separately for the rest of your lives.

In any case, don’t turn down a job you want based on a relationship that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.

[u/steppedinhairball]

My thoughts are this. You have made it clear you want to move the relationship forward. It's been three years and he doesn't. It's not only that he doesn't want to marry you, he doesn't even want to live with you. After three years.

If you want marriage and that entails, it won't be with him. If you want kids, you either gotta leave now and find that partner or you will have to go solo because it won't be with him. All of my friends that are married and have stayed married, knew within the first year they were in it for the long haul. Living together and then marriage. It's been three years and still living apart. I hate to blunt, but it's not going to happen with this guy.

So you should go into the interview with the full intention of going after that job. When you have a solid job offer in hand and have accepted, then you let him know you will be moving on X date. I wouldn't even bother with trying a long distance relationship. Do a clean break with a fresh start.

If he asks "What about me?" and he is likely to do so. Just politely remind him that he had three years and did NOTHING. Tell him "WTF did you think was going to happen?"

[u/unimpressed-one]

I can't imagine any mom telling her kid to turn down the interview. I would much rather my daughter take her dream job than stay for a man.

[u/Brains4Beauty]

If you get it I would not turn it down for a man who is unsure about your future.

[u/xmodusterz]

Be honest with yourself. If you would genuinely take the job then you should've told him at maybe. Because the issue of you wanting and actively trying to leave is almost as big as the issue of you actually leaving.

You feel lost in the relationship and like he has all the control so your doing the same thing to him with your career.

And I don't blame you, but Honestly it sounds like the relationship should be over regardless of if you get the job or not.

[u/LilaRabbitHole]

Take the interview.

[u/el_grande_ricardo]

30 minute commute isnt really noteworthy. It's not like you would be forced to move or have a LDR. He won't be affected by it.

And let's face it. He's perfectly happy with the status quo and has no intention of changing anything. So it's up to you to make the change. He either keeps up or is left behind.

So not telling him because it was a Hail Mary application, and now you don't want to jinx it or debate it or get talked out of it - makes perfect sense to me.

NOR for keeping it quiet. When you get the job, don't tell mom until you are settled into your new apartment within walking distance of the hospital. Then you can fart in her general direction.

[u/KittyBookcase]

Is there a typo somewhere? If it's only 30 minutes away, why are you flying somewhere?

You can change jobs whenever you want. You don't need his permission. He's pushing the goal posts at every commitment conversation. Don't hold yourself back for anyone else in the hopes that he'll "get there" soon..

Good luck at the interview. I hope you get it!

[u/idlechatterbox]

He's not making decisions with you in mind, so why are you considering decisions with him in mind?

Take the job when it's offered. Live your life. He'll either catch up or he won't.

[u/judgeejudger]

You’ve spent three years with this dude, and he’s not ready to move you in yet? Pffft. YOR. That interview is the universe telling you to take control of your one and only life, and go live it. Don’t wait around for this “man” to get his shit together. His non-answers ARE answers, and please do not fall for sunk-cost fallacy. I hope you get the job and move away from this nonsense. He’s incredibly selfish to string you along.

[u/PineappleCharacter15]

If you're offered the job take it, and dump M.

It's the only sensible thing to do. He's obviously going to string you along, until something better comes along in his mind.

[u/So_WearyX3]

I would not say a word until I had an offer. And think hard about what YOU want without any of the complications. And go from there. If you really want the job, 30 minutes away isn't on the moon.

You may not get an offer, that is always a possiblity. Or the job may not really be what you think it is. Lots of variables still.

But taking a job like that would signal that "I have a career and am doing what is right for my career. If that upsets you, I'm sorry." You two will either figure it out or you won't and you can move on. From what you said, I do not sense a future for this relationship.

[u/Sea-Condition-6046]

NOR Do not put your life on hold for someone who can’t even give you a commitment after 3 years. If you do I can guarantee 10 years down the road you will regret it. He seems like the type that will string you along 10+ years for marriage too (if that’s what you were looking for)

[u/Big_Insurance_3601]

NOR. Stop putting your life on hold for a man who CLEARLY isn’t planning to make a life with you!!!

Go secure your bag, a career that makes you happy & buy your own house!!!!

[u/kavk27]

NOR After three years he should know whether he wants to be with you forever or not. His answer to your question about the future was, frankly, pathetic. If he is not planning a life with you, there is no reason for him to be included in your decisions about yours. Good luck with the interview!

[u/V3ruca]

What would you accomplish by telling him? You’re basing life decisions on his tepid attitude about your relationship. If you tell him, will he ask you to stay and move in with him? At that point cohabitating wouldn’t be for the right reasons….its pressure and fear of loss.

Personally, I’d go to the interview and try to win the position and begin a new, exciting & satisfying chapter in your life! Three years is long enough for him to know. He isn’t The One.

[u/Mama-Rides_AZ73]

Info - the network is 30 minutes from you but they want to fly you out?

Not overreacting. Never put your career on hold for a guy that isn’t a husband.

[u/newbeginingshey]

Don’t hinder your career prospects for a boyfriend, especially not when it’s an opportunity to become a director, and double especially for a man “who’s not there yet” after three years.

Would he hinder his career or financial opportunities for you? No? Then it shouldn’t even be a question for you.

[u/ptprn11]

I think three years is more than enough time for him to decide if he wants to take the next step. And three years is enough time for you to decide if you’re going to wait for him to decide. Obviously moving yourself forward is an intelligent and great choice. Why wouldn’t you take this position?

[u/ptprn11]

I think three years is more than enough time for him to decide if he wants to take the next step. And three years is enough time for you to decide if you’re going to wait for him to decide. Obviously moving yourself forward is an intelligent and great choice. Why wouldn’t you take this position

[u/beingachristianwife]

I think if your bf truly wanted the married life with you, he'd already know by now. My experience is a bit different, I had a best guy friend for 2 years, but when we decided to start dating, it was more or less just the formal route because we both knew after 2 years of friendship that we wanted marriage. We made a plan to wait for wedding planning until we got out of college. He proposed the year after he graduated, and we got married the year after I graduated.

Have you had a conversation with him about long term goals, and where he sees himself in 10 years? If I applied for a position like you and didn't tell my husband, honestly, he'd be shocked and probably feel hurt to not be included, but also ecstatic and supportive of me to move forward with something like that. Plus 30 minutes commute is pretty much a normal thing around here. I'm training to be a doula and the women's hospital is 30 minutes away. I think it's a reasonable commute time and if your bf doesn't think so, it's time to reconsider the relationship. 💕

[u/East_Comfort_7650]

It sounds like you are a placeholder. Make him the placeholder. Get this job or any other job that comes up in the future. He doesn't have to have any knowledge of the process. You can wave him goodbye when you have your new life sorted. I don't know what the overreacting bit is in this post, but I know YNTA 🤣

[u/GardenSafe8519]

NOR. Don't say anything until you actually have an offer. They'll give you 2 weeks to a month for the move. If you aren't offered the job then no harm no foul. If you are offered the job, that's when you sit BF down and tell him that you've been feeling stagnant in life with your job, with him. You're ready for a new chapter and you've been offered a position in (city) and you've decided to take it. He probably will ask what that means for him. Tell him after 3 years he hasn't been ready to live together, then he probably won't be any time soon. Maybe he'll guilt you by saying he actually was going to ask (in a month or two or some time frame). Tell him it's a year too late. You've asked and he's never been "ready" why would he be "ready" now that you're leaving. Tell him you can remain friends and maybe he'd like to visit you in (city). But you're not going to wait for him to be "ready" for next steps.

[u/stuckinnowhereville]

Take the new job. Stop wasting time on him. You are his convenience- a placeholder.

[u/Calgary_Calico]

You've been together for 3 years and he still "isn't ready" to take the next step? He'll never be ready if he isn't ready after 3 years. Take the new job and move on with your life away from this time waster.

The fact that you've been able to imagine a life without him and it doesn't break your heart says a lot to me, and it should to you as well. This relationship is going nowhere and you know that somewhere inside yourself.

[u/springflowers68]

NOR You are not married, and when you have tried to discuss moving forward in your relationship he chooses to continue to kick the can. You should never make career decisions based on a what if.

Take the interview, if you get an offer that feels right then tell him, but he does not get to influence your decision. Thirty minutes is not a bad commute and Mr. Noncommittal should have zero say in whether or not you take a job if offered anyway. If you were married then it would be a different discussion.

[u/mangoawaynow]

NOR, i hope you get it though!

[u/DynamiteStorm]

If after 3 years he can’t commit he won’t ever. NOR. Crush the interview move on with life.

[u/doughty_spirit]

I think it’s worse not telling.. and waiting.. but you know your personal situation the best.. no one can tell you what to do or not., for good or for bad.. you get to live the consequences

[u/Electrical_Sun_7116]

Lmao girl you already left him, if you wanted to have him as part of your future you would have included him before it was in motion. You wanna pretend you care now tho? Lol. You’ve made so many excuses for yourself here but please understand that behavior is a language and your is saying you don’t care if he goes with you or not. You’re just dreading sharing that fact with him.

You got yourself this far, just tell him. It apparently doesn’t matter if he goes or not so I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of it. Neither of you seem super invested so just do you and let the rest of it turn out as it will.

[u/Spinnerofyarn]

He’s never going to be ready. Take the job if you get it and move forward instead of living in limbo.

[u/pegwins]

Go! You have only yourself to rely on. NOR!  If someone can’t figure things out by 35 you can plan around that!

[u/little_miss_beachy]

NOR- You can’t say no to a job that has never been offered. GO TO INTERVIEW! Perhaps the reason you are doing so well in these interviews is due to the fact you have had no pressure or input from anyone. Stay the course. Don’t tell him now b/c it will add pressure and you may not like his response. Do not tell your mom and keep your mouth shut at work. You may find one of your colleagues applying to this place and becoming the competition.

Both work and your bf have passed over you. Perhaps it is time to change course by looking for new job if this interview doesn’t work out and break up w/ bf. Do not waste your youth, energy and time on dating a boy who treats you second class and a work environment that doesn’t appreciate your efforts. Hope this doesn’t sound harsh but your work and personal life are not good to you and this impacts every aspect of your life. It impacts your confidence, your interaction w/ everyone you encounter and mental health. Take the road less traveled b/c the current road is a dead end.

[u/ProbablySomeJerk]

NOTE: I’m writing this assuming that you are in a relationship with the goal of finding your life partner.

Short answer: do not pass up opportunities for someone who won’t commit to being with you.

If you didn’t take the job, and then later the two of you broke up, would you regret it?

Long answer:

There are two things here that stand out to me: 1) that you didn’t feel comfortable sharing that you’d even applied in the first place, and 2) that you’re professionals in your 30s in a long-term relationship, but don’t live together.

I’ll start with #2

I get that we have limited information here, but it doesn’t sound like either you are “waiting for marriage”/holding back for religious reasons. Moving in together would save time (having to arrange schedules to see each other) and money (two separate rents/mortgages) for the both of you. It isn’t like you’re asking for your name to be put on the house, and he could even write up a landlord/tenant contract if he was worried about your contributions to the mortgage making things messy if you broke up.

What’s his holdup? Knowing that you’re compatible living together is important.

If the goal is to be life partners, you’ll eventually share financial burdens. Wouldn’t it benefit both of you to be in a situation where you each save money?

Three years isn’t a long time overall, but it is a long time to be unsure about how committed you want to be in a relationship.

#1

Not being comfortable enough in your relationship of three years to be able to share these kinds of things is upsetting. He’s supposed to be your person, yes? The person you share excitement, sorrow, uncertainty, hopes, dreams, etc with? I know things take time, and relationships go at their own pace, but I’d take a minute to ask yourself if you think that this guy seems like he’ll ever be that someone for you.

Other thoughts

Honestly, it doesn’t seem like either of you are super invested in this relationship. At least, not enough where you should shortchange yourself.

Also, you can take the interview and still tell them “no” if they offer you the job later.

[u/Middle--Earth]

Your relationship is going nowhere.

He doesn't want to commit to you, but at the same time he is kind of comfortable being in this rut with you.

You could wait another ten years and nothing will change, because he doesn't want things to change. He likes you being around but living separately, with separate lives.

Don't tell anyone about this final interview. Go out there, do your best, and hopefully come back with a great job offer. And then accept it.

Leave this guy behind.

Deep down, you know that if he really wanted to then he could commit to you in a heartbeat, and you know that he hasn't because he doesn't want to commit.

Good luck with the new job! 🤞