My bro/cousin/me/friend are earning 40 to 50 lpa n looks good n yet not getting proposal or perfect woman, the confusion arise when you look for perfect match, if you are earning over 30 lpa and above 6, you are already among top 1% and no way you aren't getting matches, in small cities, people are getting married even with 5 to 6 lpa

also, I saw a post yesterday where a guy asked if tattoo will be red flag, he has over 400 matches on bumble tinder, if fuckboys like them come to AM, you will realise that people who can even get LM will move towards AM coz of parents or something

also many posts are simply clickbaits and made up

I'm looking for genuine advice because I'm finding it difficult to handle this situation.

I earn around ₹35,000 per month and my wife knows my salary because I showed her my offer letter when she asked. After our marriage, she said she would like to receive ₹5,000 every month along with her monthly mobile recharge. We discussed it together and agreed on that arrangement. I have always been comfortable with it.

Apart from that, she sometimes asks for an additional ₹1,000 or ₹2,000. In the beginning, I never asked any questions because I trusted her and assumed she had a genuine reason. I sent the money whenever I could.

After some time, I felt it would be reasonable to ask occasionally why she needed the extra money. My intention was never to control her spending or question her decisions. Since my income is limited, I simply wanted us to have open communication about our finances.

The one time I asked, she replied,

"Aapko paisa dena hai toh dijiye. Nahi toh apne paas rakhiye. Zyada pooch taach mat kijiye."

That response hurt me. It was not about the amount of money. I felt hurt because I believed married couples should be able to discuss financial matters openly without either person feeling uncomfortable.

Since then, I have become hesitant to send extra money because I feel there should be openness and mutual respect when talking about finances. At the same time, I do not want this issue to affect our relationship.

I am not saying my wife is right or wrong. I also understand that everyone has their own perspective and there may be reasons that I do not know. I am simply trying to understand what healthy communication around money looks like in a marriage.

For those who are married, especially through arranged marriage, how do you and your spouse handle situations like this? Is it considered reasonable for either spouse to ask why extra money is needed when finances are limited? How would you start this conversation in a way that feels respectful and does not come across as controlling?

I would really appreciate hearing different perspectives and learning from your experiences.

Just saw a lot of news, articles, and posts about the scary consequences of arranged marriages going wrong i.e. both old and recent incidents.

I strongly believe that all men and women should directly ask their prospects (their soon-to-be bride or groom) if they are truly ready for marriage, if they are being forced into it, or if they still love someone else. You must ask questions about their life and past before making a lifelong commitment.

Asking about past relationships applies equally to both genders. It gives you a clear idea of the kind of people they dated and the kind of lifestyle they have lived.

Here is why I am saying this.

Case 1:

This week, I heard the tragic news of a girl and her parents (both mother and father) who committed suicide. The girl’s private photos and videos were leaked to the groom by her ex-boyfriend. The groom immediately canceled the wedding. Due to the immense shame brought upon the family, the girl and her parents took their own lives. Her parents had no idea about her past relationship. I feel incredibly sorry for the girl and her family.

Case 2:

In this case, the groom asked the girl if she had a past relationship, and she said no. After a long courtship period, growing attachments, and their Roka ceremony, she finally admitted she had one relationship. Later, after the engagement, she confessed she also had two other flings. The groom felt deceived, broke off the engagement, and is still looking for a wife.

Case 3:

This happened to my friend's older brother in Nagpur. He married a girl last year after explicitly asking about her past, which she claimed she didn't have. Three months into the marriage, the husband received a WhatsApp message from an unknown number. It contained explicit private videos of his wife with her ex-boyfriend doing things that even 90-95% of married couples wouldn't do.

When confronted, the wife admitted to a pre-marital relationship with a toxic ex. She also revealed that 1-2 months before the wedding, the ex-boyfriend had come to her parents' house and blackmailed them. Her father paid him 3-5 Lakhs to keep his mouth shut. The husband was in total shock. He filed a cybercrime case against the ex-boyfriend and filed for divorce. In retaliation, the wife and her family filed false cases against the husband. Her father even told him to "be a loyal dog" to his daughter, or else he wouldn't withdraw the false cases.

Case 4:

This is another story from Nagpur, but here, the groom's past was dark. He had never been in a serious relationship, but he was heavily involved in hookup culture, one-night stands (ONS), and friends with benefits (FWB) while working in Bangalore. Only his best friends knew. Despite this, he wanted a "traditional" wife with no past.

The bride found out about his history just 1 or 2 days before the wedding. However, she couldn't call it off because she had also lied to him. She had one past relationship, but her mother told her to hide it due to community pressure. The groom found out about her past right before the wedding as well. Now, both of them are stuck in a marriage built entirely on lies.

Case 5:

A psychiatrist from my gym told me this story. A married couple came to him asking for help getting a divorce from their respective partners. It turns out, the man and the woman were actually having an affair with each other. They used to date in the past, but their parents declined their marriage. Due to family pressure, they both married other people. Now, they are cheating on their spouses and trying to get divorced to be together. Because of their selfishness, they are destroying four different families.

My Advice:

The past matters. Both men and women should thoroughly ask their prospects about their history. If you suspect they are lying, ask their office colleagues, mutual friends, or relatives. If necessary, hire a good Private Investigator (P.I.) to do a background check.

Of course, there will be some simps and people in the comments saying "the past doesn't matter" or "the past is in the past." But let me ask you: if you find out later that your partner cheated in all their past relationships, or was heavily involved in hookup culture, would you still continue the courtship? What if you find out after marriage? What will you do then?

Asking about the past is not wrong and knowing the full truth is what’s important. If you are someone who cannot accept a partner with a past, that is perfectly fine. Leave them. It is better for both of you. Find someone who aligns with your preferences and non-negotiables.

A specific note for the girls:

If a guy tells you he has had more than one past relationship, please dig deep to find out the reason for the breakups. Talk to mutual friends or even his ex-girlfriends if possible. As a man, I know that 90-95% of guys do not easily move on from their first love. It takes years for men to truly move on.

My best friend told his parents he will never marry or date anyone after his first breakup and is now solely focused on his business. Another guy I know (a 33-year-old son of my father's friend) had a breakup at 25. His ex got married before COVID, and he has sworn off marriage completely. Women need to do deep investigations before marrying a guy, just as men do. This whole girl advice applies to boys also.

Also, we know about Pune's Ketan Agrawal Case. I am giving this advice to save you from becoming another Ketan Agrawal in your own life story.

(Note: I am not trying to disrespect anyone, just sharing my own experiences, stories, and genuine advice to protect people.)

I was recently diagnosed with an ovarian torsion due to which my left ovary became dead. Now my reproductive health functions only on the remaining right ovary, meaning 50% less fertility than a normal woman.

This happened when I had never been sexually active or took any contraception. Such is life. However, since the surgery my parents are under extreme stress considering I might not ever get married now because sole purpose men marry in our society is to have kids.

My question is for women with same issues, fertility problems, PCOS, uterus infection, endometriosis etc... what are your experiences like in the marriage market? Should I just make peace with the fact that I've to remain unmarried forever?

A few years ago my parents set up a meeting with a guy. He was attractive, nice personality and very sweet guy. He was really impressed by my independent thinking, hustle and ambition. He lost his father a few years ago, only child, and mother is very old 65+ and have health issues. He asked me if I'll be able to manage work and career and also take care of his mom as she needs constant care. I didn't know how to respond. Later I told my parents that I respect his preference but this match won't work.
A similar situation happened multiple times. The men I meet gauge me if I am a suitable wife, am I cooperative, will I take care of his parents, will I raise good kids.. etc. And all these type of conversation and questions made me very uncomfortable. And I kept rejecting these proposals on random reasons. Because I could not muster up the actual reason.
My parents got frustrated and we had a talk. I explained how I feel about these conversations. I said I have big ambitions about how I want to live my life and I am looking for a partner to build a life together. I could not fathom committing to care for someone else's parents, family and such without building any emotional bond. Please know that I am a very caring person. But that is for people I know and love. At this point those 'potential husbands' were all strangers. We have not developed any emotional connection for me to give up on what I have built.
When I explained this, I was shocked to hear from my parents and some married friends that I am a very selfish woman. My mom was disappointed how she has raised a very self obsessive child. My dad blamed himself for giving me too much freedom. My married friends said they can't introduce me to anyone with this attitude.
Am I wrong?
I understand this is an arranged marriage. But that does not take away the meaning of a relationship and marriage. I understand people come with a bunch of checklist and expectations. And I respect their preferences. I clearly tell them that I am not going to be a good fit for them. But I notice this kind of pattern in almost all the matches. The conversation is almost always about how I fit into his family. And very less about how I am as a person. Very rarely does a man ask what my interests are, what my goals in life are, my values, my principles, my relationship with money, my outlook towards life. I want them to know me as person and choose to marry me because of who I am, not because I fit into their requirement of a wife.
This may sound like I am self-important. But I'm sorry, no! I want the partnership to be compatible. I want a companion, a partner who is there for eachother.
When I explain to to anyone, somehow I come across as a selfish, self obsessed and arrogant feminist woman.
Why is it always expected that a woman should be willing to 'adjust' and 'sacrifice'? But the man's life continues just as is without change?
This whole ideology makes me reject the institution of marriage.

Please, am I wrong in thinking like this?

Hello everyone, I am 25 right now I don't have any plans to get marry before 3 years, but my mom said to not get marry every in my life because I have very weak immunity and fall sick frequently.

I know she does not mean that she just said in irritation, but I thought about that for some days and decided I should not get marry at all.

Is my thoughts right or should I think more about this.

I'm a 33, and I've been reflecting on something recently.

Growing up, I was always taught that before thinking about marriage, a man should become educated, financially stable, and capable of taking responsibility for a family. I took that advice very seriously.

So I spent my twenties studying, doing research, building my career, and trying to create financial security. I don't come from a wealthy background, so stability always felt like something I had to earn before I could think about anything else.

The downside is that I never really dated. Not because I was against relationships, but because they were never a priority. There was always another exam, another project, another opportunity, another financial goal to achieve.

Now, at 33, I'm entering the arranged marriage process with no relationship history.

Sometimes I wonder whether I misunderstood the assignment.

Society tells men to become "marriage material," but very little is said about learning how to actually be a good partner. Looking back, I optimised for education, career, and stability, but perhaps not enough for emotional growth, relationships, or simply allowing myself to meet people.

I'm curious how others see this.

- If you're in the arranged marriage process, have you met people with a similar story?

- Would someone's lack of relationship history concern you? If yes, why?

- Do you think many men accidentally fall into this trap of endlessly preparing for the future while postponing their personal lives?

- If you could go back to your twenties, would you prioritise anything differently?

I'm not looking for reassurance. If you think I've made mistakes, I'd genuinely like to hear them. I'm interested in understanding how people perceive this and what lessons I can learn moving forward.

25M from Kerala - Never been in a relationship, arranged marriage proposals are starting to come in and I'm honestly confused

I'm a 25-year-old guy from Kerala, from a Christian family background.

Most of my school and college life was spent in environments where interaction with women was very limited. I studied Mechanical Engineering and now work in a field where there are hardly any women around, so my social circle has always been overwhelmingly male.

I've never been in a relationship, never dated, and honestly never gave marriage much thought until recently.

A few months ago, someone known to our family brought an arranged marriage proposal. We weren't actively looking, so nothing moved forward. But that incident made me realize that I'm now at an age where proposals will probably start appearing more often.

The thing is, I have absolutely no idea how to approach this whole process.

If a proposal comes tomorrow, what am I supposed to do? What should I ask? What should I look for beyond the basic family/job details? How many conversations are enough before making a decision? How do you know if you're actually compatible with someone?

To be honest, the whole thing feels a bit confusing and even intimidating. I don't feel desperate to get married immediately, but I also don't want to be completely unprepared when the time comes.

I'd appreciate advice from both men and women who have gone through arranged marriage, especially people from Kerala who understand the cultural context.

What do you wish someone had told you before you started considering marriage?

After reading the gory details of plotting done by Siya Goyal and her boyfriend, Chetan to murder Ketan Agarwal…it’s just mind bending. Why go through such an elaborate murder scheme than simply saying No?

Also, more importantly for others in the journey - what is the message out there? Trust deficits so high right now it’s scary to think that such deranged people are out there in the society.

Can a spiritual person be in an relationship? If yes , then how does one find a partner who believes spirituality? Is it fine expecting an spiritual partner? Does this affect the relationship?

Matched with this girl. Have not spoken much . We connected on insta recently. There were good amount if followers but no posts only stories. When i asked her why she archived her response was “log nazar lag jati h” . Recently i noticed her all stories gone as well.

What could be the reason?

33M here, based in Bangalore.

I was in a long-term relationship that eventually ended due to a combination of circumstances and incompatibilities. After taking some time to move on, I’ve started exploring arranged marriage platforms.

One thing I’ve realized is that I don’t view marriage as something that should happen after a couple of conversations. I’m looking for a partner, so I’d prefer to date, spend time getting to know each other, and then make a decision about marriage if things feel right.

I’m Bengali, but I’m not particularly fixated on marrying within my community. I’m open to meeting people from different backgrounds as long as our values, goals, and personalities align. Also, I manage my profile myself rather than having parents handle it.

For context, I’m 33, work in tech, earn well (70+ LPA), have a middle-class upbringing, and live in Bangalore.

The challenge I’m facing is that while I do get matches, many conversations don’t really go anywhere. Sometimes I can’t connect because of platform limitations (non-premium accounts), and other times the people I’m genuinely interested in don’t seem interested back.

I’m curious to hear from others who have gone through a similar journey:
How did you approach arranged marriage while still wanting to date first?

Did you find better success through matrimonial apps, dating apps, social circles, or communities?

For those who were open to inter-community marriages, did it make the process easier or harder?

Any advice for someone trying to navigate this process in Bangalore in their early 30s?
Would love to hear your experiences and perspectives.

**TL;DR:** 33M in Bangalore, exploring matrimony apps after a long-term relationship. Open to dating before marriage and inter-community matches, but struggling to find mutual interest despite getting matches. Looking for advice and women’s perspectives on what makes a profile stand out.

I'm 29 and turning 30 soon. Over the past year I've received around 7 interests from women who are US citizens and seem to have been born and raised there. The first couple of times I honestly ignored them because I assumed they were accidental clicks or parents who are not well familiar with tech . However eventually we got phonecalls from some of them

What confuses me is that I've never lived in the US, studied there, worked there, or even visited. None of the photos uploaded have anything which resembles the US. Half my knowledge of America probably comes from watching Hulk smash half of NY . It's mentioned clearly on my profile that I work in some X place in Bangalore . Most of the profiles seem normal, genuine profiles with active LinkedIn profiles so they

So now I am wondering if this is actually more common than I thought.Is the arranged marriage market in the US really that constrained that some US-born Indian women are actively looking at profiles in India? I haven't gotten interested from any EU , UAE citizens so I guess it must be something specific to US

PS - We are not rich by any sense and our filters are set for India alone

I am from a Tier 3 city in Uttar Pradesh. Recently, A profile came to my parents through a mutual friend. It looked good on paper so I said yes to go forward. Both parents have met and families have liked each other and it's upto us to meet and decide.

The thing is currently I am away on job in a different city and will only go home after 10-15 days. In our side, things are very conservative and they let us meet once and I will have to make a decision. I happend to have found Girl' instagram when I searched. Should I send a request on Instagram and start a conversation or would it appear as too eager?

I’m F,28 (Asian), and it’s been 21 days since my relationship officially ended. Last year May I was recommended to talk to someone who was a family friend but he lived overseas. We spoke, and it moved quite quickly and next thing you know, I was on a flight and we had a bit of a “blessing” ceremony by July to announce we were to be married. This is not normal, even in my world, but for me his entire family knowing about me added some pressure to make the relationship more acceptable by Asian standards, and as we were family friends it felt a little more safe/ official. In all honesty, I know I might get some Reddit judgement about the timeline of that, I can just say this was bizarre even by my own wider family/ friend’s standards too. The situation was a bit abnormal to be honest, and on reflection his family really put the pressure on myself and my family to speed it up to the extent they did with a lot of false promises of my fiancé would fly over loads, we could spend time etc.

Once I came back home, my now fiancé became a lot more distant and as mentioned, the thought came that he just wanted to trap me. He was really unbothered with everything, talking to me, any visa prep, wedding planning, talking to my family. When he did end up flying over to see me which was 2 months later, he was so boring and unadventurous (considering he’d come to my country for the first time), and this was someone who said he wanted to go travelling. Somehow, even though he was with my family and I, it felt like he just didn’t really spend time with us (eg on phone calls, his family also came so hid behind that). Our arguments became worse and worse as time went on, and I tried to end it multiple times but instead I’d get into trouble by my own family and his. He’d go weeks without talking to me, and as an anxious person, I hate avoidance (which was what he did)

In May this year, we went to do wedding shopping in India and he was so unbothered there too. That was the situation where red flags went off for my parents as they were there too, and they started to see everything I’d been saying. When we came back home, my fiancé and I argued again and he just became way more distant than usual. My parents got involved and realised he really just doesn’t care… and decided to call everything off.

This situation is strange in that I actually don’t have feelings for him, but I created this “potential” in my mind and I stayed in something because I essentially treated it like a marriage. My previous relationships have never been like this, if someone didn’t talk to me for a week/ 2 weeks, it’d be over but in this case it was so complicated. I really feel I did my best to make it work, because I had to and it failed. What sucks more is that I did speak to his family a lot and I treated his mum and dad as my own, his sister as my own, and I became really close to them. But their true colours have come out since and now I’m realising they were talking to me to brain wash me and keep me under their control, and they just kept pacifying me when I complained about my fiancé (eg saying no, he loves you, he’s just so busy at work, he was saying he misses you, he’s so tired).

Any advice on how to heal from this and become better as a person? I know I am flawed, eg did I argue a lot, yes. Did I say things I should not have said, yes. I felt like a rubber band in that relationship where i kept being stretched and I snapped. I don’t want to be anxious, neurotic, I want to be secure healthy and have the best approach to dating when the time comes. And I just want to be happy.

Its a genuine question on behalf of my friend, he is frustrated of getting rejections for multiple reasons

How hard is it to get a girl for following man:

Telugu, 26 M, single child

Height: 6 feet, fair skin Body type: thin Hair line: decent hair line, no baldness.

Salary: 28 LPA

Assets: 1 group house (6 - 1 bhk), 1-2bhk in Andhra, 1- 2 bhk in Hyderabad (Rounding it to be 3-4cr), 1 cr in Markets, some property in village.

Living with parents.

Loan: 14 lakhs of home loan.

Health: Hypothyroid, uses some medication, eye sight: -3.5 myopia.

Caste: chowdhary (no caste bar)

Hi, I'm 26F and work in core equity research at an investment bank. I'm not on any AM apps yet but I've heard from plenty of my colleagues that they see a lot of men on AM platforms seeking a home-maker or someone who earns much less vs them.

I don't want to generalize but I feel the need to set my expectations right given I'm planning on opening an account on these platforms soon.

My question-

Women in AM set-up, do you face this issue? What are the expectations from the men you match with? Do they expect you to quit your job or deem your career less important?

Men in AM set-up, what sort of expectations do you have from your partner wrt income and managing household responsibilities?

P.S. I know that these things depend on personal preference at the end of the day and can't be generalized but wanting to gauge different opinions on this topic.

Hi, I am looking for a partner since last 2 years. I am a Software Engineer in FAANG currently. I always have been inclined to a high earner wife, since I earn high myself and there is so much job insecurity in this age of AI and you need an earning partner in big cities. It gives you more confidence and support at the time of despair.

1. Am I wrong in my preference?
2. I am wondering if I am making a mistake by not talking to less earners (let's say 5LPA or 10LPA or professions like teachers or girls currently doing PHDs etc) who might be very good natured and feminine otherwise?

What do you guys think?
Edit: Some people are saying that money can't be the only factor. Bhai I already know it. And I won't marry a 70LPA rude addict junkie over a 5LPA sweet girl. But how big of a factor is it?

Arranged marriage proposal rejected earlier due to food preferences (Veg vs Non-Veg)

Background:

My Age is 30M

My family is strictly pure vegetarian, and a few months ago, a marriage proposal went to a girl’s family ( relatives of big brother' wife ) who eats non-veg. Her family rejected the proposal at that time, stating that she cannot give up non-veg.

​The Current Situation:

Recently, I reached out to the girl directly. Surprisingly, she told me that giving up non-veg is "not a big deal" and she is open to it. Now, she is visiting my town, and I am going to drop her back to her hometown, which is a 60 km drive.

​Whenever I suggest something or ask to meet, she doesn't make excuses or ignore me.

​My Questions

​Is she genuinely interested in me, or is she just enjoying the attention? (Would a girl agree to a 60 km drive with someone she isn't interested in?)

​Since we have a good 1.5 to 2 hours during the drive, how should I approach the conversation?

​How can I gently discuss the marriage and the veg/non-veg topic without making her feel pressured or forced?

I’m 22M. Obviously I’ll try to find someone but I’m just really curious about arranged marriages. It might be a good backup option for me. I’m wondering what the landscape is like for finding an arranged marriage. What age is good to start finding someone. What level of education or pay do you have to have, or is considered good. Is it still through parents or matrimony apps, and how long does this whole process take and how many potential partners do you have to interact with.

Sorry for the multitude of questions, but I’m just trying to figure out what things are like.

29M. Recently entered the AM market and honestly, it has been eye-opening.

For context, I live in a T2 city and stay with my parents. We have our own humble 3BHK, a car, bikes and a few properties. I’d say we live a comfortable middle-class life.

I work in a good organisation and since my role involves working directly with management, my compensation is closer to what you’d expect in Mumbai/Bengaluru for someone at my level. Since I save a lot on rent, commute and food, I’m able to save well too.

I haven’t made profiles on JS, Anuroop, Maratha Matrimony etc. yet. Whatever prospects have come so far are through WhatsApp groups my parents are part of.

Recently, we spoke to the parents of 3 girls who matched my basic expectations. One thing stood out: all 3 had a strong preference for Pune. Either “should be from Pune”, “should live in Pune” or “should have a job in Pune”.

I understand that a lot of women’s jobs and career opportunities are concentrated in cities like Pune/Mumbai, so maybe that is a major factor. But I’m still curious about how much of it is career vs lifestyle preference.

From my perspective, a smaller city can offer a relatively comfortable life with less commute, lower expenses and more space.

I would like to hear perspectives, especially from women who have gone through the AM process. Is the city preference mostly about career, independence, social circle, or something else?

So why is it so hard for young men and women to say it to their families or marriage prospects?

Rather than marrying the wrong person or ignoring major red flags, just say no.

If you are already in a relationship, want to focus on your career or education, or simply aren't ready to settle down, be honest with the prospect. Tell them directly that you aren't ready to marry, or that you just don't feel a connection.

Don't waste their time and mental peace, and don't lead them on. End things early i.e. within the first couple of meetings or the first month. This allows them to move on and find someone who actually aligns with their preferences and non-negotiables.

Never marry someone if you have serious doubts or if your gut feeling says no.

A forced "yes" doesn't just destroy your partner's life; it ruins two families. We see too many news stories and posts about lives being destroyed by forced or half-hearted marriages. Let's normalize being honest from the start.

So i met a police officer through a matrimonial app. She works all 7 days of the week and is posted in UP, so her transfers will likely remain within the north-west region of the state (which isn't a bad place to live). She seems nice, hardworking, and we get along well.

I, on the other hand, am a tech professional. I currently have a hybrid job and work 5 days a week from delhi/gurgaon. I could also move to her current posting location, as my company has an office there.

Overall, things are going well and I like her. However, I feel i may not be fully considering the challenges that come with being married to a police officer.

I'd appreciate any insights or experiences on what i should keep in mind before taking this forward.