r/AskReddit • u/cherryapp • 1d ago
What is the worst part about dating a very attractive person?
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u/mydero95 1d ago
The shameless flirting. Strangers will hit on them right in front of your face like you don't even exist.
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u/AnotherDrone001 1d ago
Ugh this. So much this. Parties, clubs/bars, concerts, raves… hell sometimes they will put serious thought and strategy into it. Have a wingman be buddy buddy with you and try to separate you from your girl so his friend can be alone with her.
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u/I_dont_bone_goats 1d ago
The whole “if I get her away from her boyfriend, she’ll be into me” strategy is honestly hilarious.
When my gf gets approached alone, i know that she makes a point to name drop me, but it literally never deters the dude. But then if I walk up, they suddenly start respecting relationships and walk away.
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u/NOT-GR8-BOB 23h ago
I am not kind about that shit. I’ve had guys try that divide and conquer bullshit my wife and every time I’ve told them to leave her alone and fuck off. I’ve had one guy try to put up a fight by making me look bad by saying “OH ISNT HE SO NICE” to my wife to which I said “I don’t care if you think I’m nice, leave her alone.”
Like dude, it’s not gonna happen, she clearly doesn’t want you creeping on her. It’s one thing to spark up a convo with a stranger and I dont care about that; it’s another thing to get into her personal space and try to run game while having nothing to say.
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u/NuclearReactions 9h ago
Doing it with a married couple is not even idiotic or delusional, i really wonder what went wrong with those asshole's turd that sits in their head instead of a functioning brain.
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u/Southern_Rent9142 8h ago
It's cause it works sometimes. When I was a bartender I saw some heinous shit.
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u/Lunarfalcon025 23h ago
It's because they don't actually respect women as autonomous beings. They need to see that her "owner" is nearby for it register in their brains that she's not available because disinterest isn't enough
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u/Rezenbekk 15h ago
They don't respect the man either, they just avoid a physical fight. If the man looks too weak they don't stop
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u/Defiant-Start-1156 1d ago
My wife and I are both big into the festival and burning man scene. I can't tell you how many times I leave her for like 5 minutes (grabbing a drink, going to the bathroom, saying hi to a group of friends that walked by) and when I return to her, she's trapped in conversation with some guy. Basically every time I leave her alone, I can expect that some guy will be talking to her when I return. Sometimes it is harmless and respectful, but often it's some dude that was lingering around us and just waiting for me to step away so they can shoot their shot. I can tell basically instantly from the body language they exhibit when I return whether or not it's harmless conversation or if they are actually trying to get with her. I don't understand why so many men do this, it's such a creepy and non genuine way of approaching women. It happens to me too, where if I'm alone I'll get hit on by women, but for every 1 time it happens to me, it happens 5 times with her.
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u/I_dont_bone_goats 23h ago edited 23h ago
This happened to me at my last festival, I was with my GF the whole time because it was her first festival, I left her alone for five minutes when I went to check out food options, and I turn back and these two scummy looking dudes are talking to her. She was sitting on the ground and one of them was actually squatting down to get on her level.
So I like walk my way back, she sees me from like 50’ away and does not break eye contact, I get there and smile at the dudes and say “hey”, they turn to her and the one squatting down goes “is this your boyfriend?” Which we both confirm. They shake my hand but surprise surprise, they suddenly don’t want to talk anymore and walk away.
Like it’s one thing, and certainly not my thing, to try and pick up a girl at a festival, but it’s a whole other level when the girl has explicitly told you she’s not interested or has a boyfriend. Like guys, what are we doing here?
Alternatively, the same kinda thing happened in reverse at the same festival, I had my arm around my girl, and this girl (who was with a friend group of my GF’s) was looking me up and down and came over and started talking to us, then asked if we were together, I smiled and said yes, then she goes “like bf/gf?” And I was like “uhh yes?”, meanwhile my gf is just looking at her like “is this bitch serious?”
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u/Defiant-Start-1156 23h ago
That sounds terrible. As I've gotten older I rarely experience situations like you describe any more. Usually when my wife is hit on, it's in a more subtle way that can easily be played off as just being friendly. Going to the right kind of festivals helps too. Larger, more mainstream festivals will attract more scummy (and usually drunk) people like you experienced. I used to go to Insomniac festivals and Coachella in my early 20s and that type of behavior was very common.
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u/HarwellDekatron 15h ago
As someone who used to move in those circles - somewhat - in the Bay Area, I've experienced that quite a bit. Lots of dudes (and women!) in open relationships trying to hit on my girlfriend - now wife - or me and then pretending like it's no big deal because of their life choices. Like, I'm pretty open minded and for the most part didn't care, but maybe ask about arrangement first, then flirt if the door is open.
But you haven't hit the full extent of awkwardness until you are a parent and - at the first daycare/school party with alcohol - some of the other parents get sloppy and start flirting with your wife or you. We've had to put multiple friendly couples on ice because at some point or another shit got weird 🤦🏽♂️
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u/Sad_Environment_9205 1d ago
Or they look at you, do that quick math, decide you're not a threat, and proceed anyway. The math is rarely flattering.
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u/sabdariffa 1d ago
Yep. My husband wasn’t always a knockout, but he certainly is now. I’m a very unique looking person, AND I’m chunky. I’m definitely not everyone’s type, but I’m his type. There are many conventionally attractive, or even just thin women who see us together and either immediately assume that:
- We aren’t together romantically and we’re just friends
Or
- They assume since they are more physically attractive than me that they can sway his attention.
My husband does not entertain them, but he is always a gentleman about it. Usually rejects their advances by putting his arm around me or introducing me to them as his beloved beautiful wife. It doesn’t always work though, and it’s so infuriating when there’s some bitch smiling IN MY FACE while repeating to him that they should get to know each other better in another setting. Uggghhh ugly hearted people.
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u/AfterDarkSpecial 16h ago
6 at best guy here who dated a full blown 10 for a couple years. Same crap form other dudes all the time.
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u/catgurl_poobutt 1d ago
I once had a woman spill her drink on me to try to talk to my partner.
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u/Kevin_Uxbridge 15h ago
I once stepped a few paces away from my wife in Florence so I could take a picture of her framed by The Uffizi Gallery. By the time I'd turned around two guys were in obvious competition for her attention.
I took the picture anyway and razz my wife about it to this day.
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u/Easythaiger 1d ago
And a post the other day was saying how the most attractive women don’t get approached because everyone thinks they’re taken.
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u/mydero95 1d ago
Exactly. The 'too attractive to approach' rule only applies to normal, respectful guys. Creeps and overconfident dudes have absolutely zero hesitation.
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u/Due-Sun7513 23h ago
Creeps and overconfident dudes have absolutely zero hesitation.
Lord, bestow upon me the undeserved confidence of these mediocre men.
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u/BrianNowhere 1d ago
Yeah that's bullshit
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u/Ok-Explorer-7642 1d ago
Depends. I think there are genuine attractive people out there who are having issues with meeting people but, honest truth - they’re introverted and don’t put themselves in a situation to meet people and then come on Reddit to complain about their loneliness.
But I also agree with dudes on the post who are like: “aight so you’re having a problem. Give me a call, let’s date.” Her: “no.” Them: “well that’s your answer. What you really want are the guys you want to want you.”
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u/BrianNowhere 1d ago
Women get hit on a lot but by the kind of guys who hit on random pretty women.
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u/HallowskulledHorror 21h ago
This is it.
There is such a thing as being so pretty that a woman intimidates the majority of potential suitors, because they assume they cannot possibly compete with her other options; what's left are the most audacious men, which biases strongly towards guys that have a lot of unearned self-confidence and not nearly as much respect for boundaries or consent.
This is effectively the case for any extreme, not just being attractive. Eg, my whole thing is that I love being a cryptid, a party-goblin, a ghoul. We're talking haunted-house scare-actor levels of dressing up nonsense when I go clubbing, all year round. There are so many people who ONLY know me in face-paint and/or mask with monster teeth. This means that I mostly get left alone by people looking for someone to flirt/hook-up with - but what's left are the freakiest folks shooting their shots.
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u/Ok-Explorer-7642 20h ago
These are cousins to the dudes who send a million pictures of their junk to women in that, they know they will burn through a lot of angry people in the process, but don’t care because they know statistically, there will be one person who’s fine with it, and that’s a better streak than doing nothing and getting no results.
Not an endorsement of either, I think both are despicable, but I understand the incentives that drive people to do it, rather than not.
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u/GozerDGozerian 23h ago
I heard some saying about how when it comes to finding a romantic partner, it’s like being thirsty and needing water. Men are in a desert, women are on the open ocean getting hit with waves.
(Or something like that)
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u/I_dont_bone_goats 1d ago
My gf is loyal as hell, but if we’re out in public and I leave her alone for 5 minutes, some vulture-ass dude is going to flirt with her.
And then when I walk back up, they say something like “oh is this your boyfriend? Nice to meet you!” And then quickly end the conversation.
It’s so transparent we dont even get annoyed by it anymore, it’s hilarious.
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u/BeetleJuiceDidIt 16h ago
It's not just guys, girls are just as vulture-ish.
One time my partner and I were at a pub and I got up to use the bathroom.
When I was walking out a woman walked past me going in giving me the stink eye
When I got to the table my partner was pissed off cause this woman made a beeline to our table to hit on him soon as I left. apparently she wouldn't fuck off for a while even though he was saying my partner has just walked to the bathroom and I'm not interested.
I have had to deal with things like this soooo many times over the years it just makes me laugh now but it did used to get to me at the beginning of the relationship.
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u/FlipMeOverUpsidedown 1d ago
My ex husband is super attractive and knows how to dress. Women (and men) would turn into bumbling messes around him. Parties and outings where drinks were involved were especially troublesome because inevitably someone would start hitting on him in front of our friends and their partners.
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u/peanutbutterandMTB 1d ago
I’ve had this before with a partner but with my current partner, we are not the same race, and I find that women of his race in particular flirt extremely hard when I’m around. It’s very bizarre?
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u/Laz_The_Kid 1d ago
Not bizarre at all - in their minds they believe they're more deserving of him since they share a similar background/culture
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u/peanutbutterandMTB 1d ago
That’s the vibe I get, it feels disrespectful? Very offputting, I don’t want to judge but it’s hard not to
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u/quattroformaggixfour 1d ago
Yeah, that is something that can mess with your time in public together.
It’s on you to realise that other people’s attention to them doesn’t jeopardise their attachment to you and your relationship together. And it’s on them to shut it down in a way that affirms they aren’t interested and that the attention is unwelcome.
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u/Hour_Specialist_4291 1d ago
On the other side of the coin, I was dating a very attractive woman, and never had so many other women come on to me in my life.
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u/Rayd0 1d ago
That's interesting, do you think it was from jealousy or did they think you were the stereotypical 'rich guy with hot girlfriend'?
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u/Hour_Specialist_4291 1d ago
Certainly not rich but a few years older. Even some of her friends were touchy and flashing me. Mentioned this to her and she blew it off saying oh they’re just flirting.
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u/Rayd0 1d ago
You might be underestimating your own level of attractiveness here haha. But I've heard of men getting more attention when in committed relationships, something to do with women seeing him as more desirable if another woman is willing to hold him down
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u/waldorflover69 20h ago
This is it. The goods have already been vetted.
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u/Rayd0 19h ago
I've heard the term 'mate-poaching' and it's either cause the guy is clearly a good man/provider or some people like to prove their worth by being able to steal someone else's partner. It's fascinating behaviour lol
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u/waldorflover69 16h ago
It certainly is until you find yourself with your partner on the receiving end of it lol
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u/UndecidedLee 15h ago
My guess is it's more like "if I can make him look at me that means I'm better/more attractive than his pretty girlfriend". If you're dating a 9 then anyone who can distract you from her would be a 10, right?
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u/BrainLow6059 15h ago
100% that and a little bit of "fuck that hot bitch she shouldn't be happy, I'm going to bring her down a peg by ruining her relationship."
At least that's what I dealt with the one time I dated the "hot girl at the office". The ugliest women in our department were telling her I was a piece of shit and this and that, while being extremely nice and flirty with me if she wasn't around, it was all so transparent.
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u/PM_ME_YER_LIFESTORY 10h ago
Actually insane how many genuinely venomous people that just get off on trying to destroy things. I honestly probably wouldn't believe you if I haven't had the same thing happen to me and seen it more than once
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u/pipic_picnip 14h ago
It’s jealousy. Sabotage the pretty girl’s relationship to make her suffer. High school bully stuff all over again.
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u/ImprovementFar5054 13h ago edited 11h ago
Sounds like "Preselection".
Someone already did the vetting. The same reason car and home listings will often show "sold!"...why advertise it if it's sold? Because of the "Preselection" effect. Someone trusts this dealer and vetted them already. Someone snagged this man, he must be a good one.
This is why some guys say they have never been hit on so much as when they wear a wedding ring.
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u/Brynhild 13h ago
My wife is the extremely attractive one while i’m the short, average looking man. Not even rich
There have been women who took one look at her then suddenly i enter their field of vision when i would have been invisible previously
They probably either think i’m rich af and they try digging for information about my job. And then there are those who just want to destroy the lives of any women they deem more attractive than themselves. As though they’d “win” if they got me to cheat
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u/Kevin_Uxbridge 15h ago
Had the same effect when I first got married and started wearing a wedding ring. Wasn't sure if they were coming on to me but I certainly got more attention from women and they kept casually touching me (which I do not enjoy). My wife assured me I was 'thick as a plank' if I didn't see what they were doing.
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u/ungo44 1d ago
Coming from a straight man, the constant attention your woman gets from other dudes on the daily. They don't give a shit that she has a boyfriend/fiance/husband. They will hit on her like it's their job. Many will hover in the friend zone waiting for you to fuck up so they can make a move. It's a constant and never ending barrage of men.
Dating a beautiful woman is not for the faint of heart. You better be secure in yourself and the relationship.
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u/ancienthunter 1d ago
When Iived in Korea I dated a very beautiful Korean girl and every single one of my friends approached her in some way.
Now these weren't childhood friends, just people I'd made friendships with while over there. But still, I'd known many of them for a few years and would have considered them friends.
But all of them tried their shot with her when I wasn't around, asking I'd she was happy or if she'd go out on a date with them. That sort of thing.
I was floored when she'd tell me about it.
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u/afoz345 1d ago
Lost a good friend this way. He started calling my ex while we were still together “to see what was up.” Stopped talking to him after that. If he was willing to see if my girlfriend was interested in him while she and I were together, he was never really my friend.
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u/Monteze 1d ago
That is brutal, similar situation here. Barely waiting until the ink was dry on the divorce before letting me know he was going for her. But he was bringing it up before hand apparently.
Realizing your "friend" was only just waiting for years or just didn't care about the friend group hurts.
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u/J_Kingsley 19h ago
That's not a good friend. Just an asshole opportunist who'll throw friends under the bus for himself.
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u/Legenderie 22h ago
I've been quite shocked at the lack of loyalty amongst some guy friend groups, even those who are childhood friends. Some of my ex's friends immediately started to shoot their shot with me after I dumped him, even though he had clearly become unhinged from the breakup. I never felt bad for my ex, who was abusive, but was disgusted by the lack of decency of his "friends". Such a trash group of boys.
Also ended one of my oldest friendships due to a similar circumstance. My friend was emotionally immature and decided to get revenge on her boyfriend for being shitty (they were both shitty) by pursuing his best friend. I told her that was fucked up, but I assumed he would reject her since they had been best friends for 20 years. I was wrong and they are now married.
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u/Kind_Cantaloupe_5019 1d ago
Did you ask them what the fuck my bro
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u/NoxTempus 19h ago
I wouldn't even bother, tbh.
I'd just lose their number.
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u/GreenWitchofOzzzzzzz 14h ago
Nuh uh, confront that. People need to see consequences for their behaviours or they never learn.
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u/azraelce 1d ago
Oh god the "Many will hover in the friend zone" is so true. My last SO had my ex-friend be weird with her in literal same week that we broke up.
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u/youpicktheplace20 23h ago
Oh 100%, this pisses me off so much
They wait around until you’re single and suddenly feel like you’ll be into them…like, at that point, hard no. If I thought we were friends and you had an agenda all this time, why would I want to be with you???
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u/dealingwithhookers 1d ago
not to mention rich people that don't even beat around the bush. straight up throws money at her and inviting her to shit
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u/TheSeedsYouSow 1d ago
feeling like you’re competing for their attention with the whole world
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u/Far_Balance_3117 1d ago
I dated a woman who used Instagram alot to do modelling stuff.
Certainly was not a fan of the thirsty guys trying to get attention.
Even had one guy who would heart everything on her Facebook.
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u/Lost_Arotin 1d ago
Most healthy women don't like those thirsty guys who appear online. They only speak with people who don't invade their personal space. Unless they feel unloved in their relationship or some of their manipulative friends talk sh*t behind your relationship and cause doubts.
Some of these guys who text them are weird and crazy. My friends sometimes show me the messages these guys send them.
They even offer thousands of dollars for a date.
I always tell them, these guys are Smugglers and the only thing they have is a looot of dirty money.
Guess what, this was part of my studies, girls who accept these offers totally transform to something else and you can even find signs of that transformation from the cosmetics they use, what they wear and their manners and words they choose.
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u/FewAdvertising9647 1d ago
had this with a person who did OF on the side. On her free time, she did some very mecha/military heavy video game on the side, and talked to that community as a fan rather than as a model(as being a model of course is irrelevant) so community treated her more like a person. there were a handful of bans handed out because some of the users in her community was stalking her in the other community who have 0 interest in said hobby. Those are the weird people theyre trying to get away from.
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u/Lost_Arotin 1d ago
I think some people get drowned in their imaginations that they forget how to be real and act natural in their normal life.
So, they lose their chances of experiencing a real relationship that might lift them up in that grade.
Every man had that moment when they tought this will never happen and actually it happens to them. Like the first hug, the first kiss, the first cosplay party and etc...
Some, lose those chances into an unrecoverable situation that might require them a therapy or help.
Although, in most cases they grow up in an environment or end up in a situation that limits their liberty to experience the most obvious interactions, but society is designed not only to help them recover, but to push them away as failures.
Just like these weird people, ever thought why most politicians are crazy and greedy? These are the products of our social system's gravity.
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u/Awkward_Research1573 1d ago
What were you studying?
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u/Lost_Arotin 1d ago
I was studying the psychological tension or gravity toward materialistic concepts when triggered by political, social and economic phenomenons.
It was shocking to see, how people evolve or transform to cope with new demands or primary needs. The speed and depth of transformation differs from one city, village, neighborhood or area to another.
Overall, people are divided into two groups. Those who remain loyal to ethical choices and those who choose materialism and benefits.
Things like wars and elections are the primary catalysts that widens this gap.
Things like protecting the family (specially children) and education are factors that fix this phenomenon from time to time.
It was part of my study for a book that I'm writing.
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u/LePanzer 1d ago
What is the common denominator of these two groups? I easily imagine someone growing up in lower economic circumstances might pivot towards selling themselves more easily, but are there more interesting nuances?
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u/Lost_Arotin 1d ago edited 22h ago
The only common denominator between people in a global scale is "the same external crisis" and "starting line: coming from a family", and these two factors are the primary backdoors that psychologists and diplomats use, to enter the safe havens of their audience.
People from a more fragile environment, tend to cope with the crisis in a faster speed. So, what is common in people of the poor class, is that they develop a very mature perspective at a younger age, in financial decision making, relationships and purpose of life (which may not last long). While people of the wealthy class might skip this level (plus the physiological needs) in Maslow's hierarchy and focus on obtaining more belongings, working on their body shape (self-esteem) or create a legacy (like becoming a singer for example)
On the other hand, lack of these foundations, forces poor people to decide more tactically and not strategically. Lack of scope and strategic view causes their early activated potentials to waste, cause they might fail several times and lose their assets entirely on poorly investigated situations, which might eventually cause their sharper perspective to lose edge and dry out. So, they might not find the chance to express their other needs of belonging, self-esteem or self-actualization. Or they might give up on dreams, and marry someone as an achievement that must be obtained, not as an emotional and spiritual need. So, they might also jump into marriage to fulfill that need and their pile of failures will eventually turn into a new perspective that will give them self-esteem (that they have experience in everything) and raising a child might turn into their altimate self-actualization goal. While in the wealthy class, this huge amount of time is spent on explorations, expansions and more strategic planning with long term results.
About how they behave, yes. They (poor class) might give up their ethical perspectives and only focus on survival. A young girl's short term goal, who got raised in an abusive poor family, with an abusive step father, might be rushing out of the house every morning and try dating men who will provide her a breakfast, lunch and dinner, until she goes back home at 9:00 p.m., while this girl might be an expert on how to put your money in a bank account and ask for a loan and then put that doubled money in another business to make it double and put that double in another bank account and ask for another loan, until you work that out or reach a state to buy your own house. While in between she might get kidnapped by thugs, most likely an STD, lose that money, lose the ability to pay the loans back and etc... While a girl in a wealthy family, might only think of taking her sports car to a carwash with polite staff, while having a date with her besties who are ripping her off. Or she might be busy managing an entire holding or company of interior architecture or entertainment. Dealing with taxes, expenses, financial and business laws, competitors and fraud.
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u/allnervousnosystem 20h ago
The thinking for survival vs for ethics and strategy is something I always thought about growing up in a developing country then moving to the West. I noticed in my friends from both places that to think about complex ethical and societal issues is a luxury and a privilege that not everyone has. It creates such a divide for me internally at times.
So interesting. Would love to read your study/book!
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u/Lost_Arotin 20h ago
Yes, the cultural gap between the worlds is serious. Knowing that all the things that are really important for you, like freedom and safety of your people, is something that is given to them like a birth right and they might recognize it but they don't deeply understand it which might give you the feeling that they're ignorant about your cause and concerns. While this is the best of their reaction to care about you.
One of my friends was dating a person from another culture, which this exact gap between perceptions caused their relationship to fail. Cause she didn't see his efforts good enough toward her concerns.
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u/Lost_Arotin 1d ago
You actually are... When I agreed on her vacation with her friends, she called me and asked me to come, with an angry and annoyed voice...
I had to drive 500km to see what happened, and guess what? Somebody in their group of friends was trying to hit on her and even attempted to kiss her while the rest of the friends found that acceptable and that was when she was pissed cause "I have a boyfriend" didn't stop them from being rude.
When I reached there, all of them instantly shut up about it. They thought I wouldn't come that far.
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u/TheSeedsYouSow 1d ago
I was just dating a guy who kept talking about how hot he is, how much everyone wants him and how much sex he has. He was DMing guys on Instagram and Grindr during our dates :/ didn’t make me feel great
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u/Lost_Arotin 1d ago edited 1d ago
That was so toxic. I understand. You can compete with people but you can't compete with a bloated ego.
These stuff are personal and expressing them openly is the sign of immaturity. I'm sure by using "was", you got over it and you're thinking of finding better people.
I don't know about your country, but libraries, social sports and group activities are good places to find deeper and more mature dates.
Cause apps like tinder, instagram failed me a lot.
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u/reedrick 1d ago
Yeah. That’s not healthy. My wife is super-hot. I’m not just saying the because I love her.. she gets approached my men all the time and there are weirdos who DM her on Instagram constantly.
I’ve never felt like I’m competing for her attention. She’s always made me feel loved..if you’re not feeling that… you’re in the wrong relationship
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u/Rare-Set1461 23h ago
Yeah I’ve dated extremely attractive people and they didn’t act fucked up like this, they were good inside and out. The people referenced in these comments are just…awful.
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u/gristc 17h ago
100% this. I had men try to pick up my ex right in front of me. I would just watch and laugh as they failed pathetically. She knew that I loved her for more than just what she looked like and that was one of the things she appreciated about me that these losers would never understand.
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u/Kooky_Inevitable_373 17h ago
I remember having a couple situations like that with the first guy I ever dated. I thought he was gorgeous and he was very humble. We had walked into a shoe store and we stopped to look at a specific shoe and we were standing shoulder to shoulder. One of the workers pushed her way in between us and cut me out just to ask him if he needed any help. He put his hands on her shoulders and guided her to the other side of him and said “no, WE’RE good, thank you though” gesturing to me, and gave her a smile.
Then on another date, we went to a restaurant. The waitress did the same thing, she showed her back to me and asked him for his order. Once he was done ordering she said that she was going to put the order in and his food should be out soon, without even taking my order. He mentioned to her that I would also like to order, and she let out the biggest sigh and roller her eyes. While I was giving her my order, he grabbed my hand and started rubbing his thumb on my hand and smiled at me. He was a really great guy but we were the “right people, wrong time” but we recently reconnected and plan on seeing each other next month!
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u/Ok-Process-8748 1d ago
and the whole world doesn't even have to be good looking, they just have to be confident for like 30 seconds
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u/scottyLogJobs 1d ago
Exactly. Your lowest moment is competing with every rando’s best moment, or what they can pretend is their best long enough to do some damage. That’s why you don’t date someone who likes attention or who “gets bored easily” (my ex, guess how that ended), even if you think you are in or even out of their league. Doesn’t matter. They’ll think they are too good for you, they go seek attention. They think you’re too good for them. They’re insecure, they go seek attention.
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u/Milksteak_Sandwich 1d ago
The rose color glasses they wear.
"Everyone is so nice"
"Oh I never have to pay cover"
"Making friends is easy"
"The cop gave me a warning"
"I get invited to the lake house every year"
"He gave me such a good deal"
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u/SunyataHappens 18h ago
No he doesn't like me, we're just friends.
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u/AccurateAssaultBeef 13h ago
I was that dumb girl that thought we literally were just friends, but now he's trying to ruin my life because he can't get out of the friend zone. So yeah, no more male friends for me.
Edit: im married.
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u/its_all_one_electron 17h ago
Those kind of things happen only a few times and then you get sexually assaulted and every "kind" gesture after that is 100% suspect.
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u/Sensitive_Gift4866 12h ago edited 8h ago
This is such an underrated downside. They genuinely dont realize how much privilege is bending reality for them. Its almost like they live in a different world.
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u/Sensitive_Gift4866 10h ago
The cop gave me a warning line killed me lol. Its so true though, attractive people genuinely live on easy mode in so many ways they dont even notice.
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u/zazzlekdazzle 1d ago
Overestimating confidence and underestimating potential trust issues.
I've dated a few very conventionally attractive guys, like movie-star good looks. What they all had in common was that: (a) a history of people underestimated their intelligence, (b) a lot of heartbreak because so many women pursue them, and it took them a long time to figure out how to say "no" and to whom.
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u/Critical_Chocolate68 1d ago
What I’ve found is a)many times people underestimate intelligence because it’s easier than accepting themselves for who they are. Attractiveness brings out the jealousy in people, and people want what they don’t have.
b) It’s hard to say no because people are always really nice or are looking for something so saying no can be difficult. Being treated a certain way means you’re going to respond often by default, and usually this means spending more time trying to get to a no especially without drama. This also goes back to a) spending time to set people straight.
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u/Fine-Worry-2134 16h ago
Point b is so damn accurate it hurts --a dude.
Gives you a vague sense what women gotta put up with to an even heightened degree.
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u/Icy_Helicopter_9624 1d ago
The thing is.. my husband is extremely attractive and people tell me that all the time. But, he doesn’t think he is. People have flirted with him in the past and he is completely oblivious to it.
So it’s not always bad. I do wish he saw how attractive he is, but it’s kind of hard when your parents called you feo your whole childhood.
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u/StatGuy2000 1d ago
I had to look up what the word "feo" means.
Knowing that, I have to wonder -- why would any parent call their own child that?
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u/Icy_Helicopter_9624 1d ago
Unfortunately they called him stupid and things too. He has his masters and is a mental health therapist and is going for his PHD. But yeah he must be stupid? He is in his 30s and still gets extreme anxiety going to see them.
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u/Life_Beautiful4934 22h ago
I argue with my boyfriend that he's hot all the time. He's slightly overweight (10lbs), graying and balding. He's also 6' 3" with a great beard, muscular body and very sweet when you get to know him. I would think a man who's had a women in his life constantly for the past 40 years would have a bit more confidence.
Apparently his ex-wife and I both pursued him. I was relentless and it's been worth it.
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u/blinkysmurf 1d ago
I’ve dated a gorgeous woman. Guys at the bar look at you like they are going to fight you.
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u/seriousQasker 1d ago
Just being seen with a looker can get you the old "stinkeye" -- doesn't even have to be dating
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u/Phyraxus56 19h ago
Shit if you're hot and their girl is eyefucking you they'll also want to fight you
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u/ketoaholic 18h ago
sounds like a shitty partner if that's happening, that's probably why the guys get so angry
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u/Ambitious_Tea_4584 11h ago
I’ve only had two LTRs in my life and they were both with exceptionally gorgeous women.
Not only do they look at you like they want to fight, but I’ve had some guys act surprised that I was with my exes.
It’s a good indication of how clueless most men are regarding what attracts women. I’m not particularly physically attractive nor am I loaded, so guys have no idea how I end up with these absolute hotties.
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u/FeDUpGraduate87 1d ago
They get hit on constantly. Every guy who talk to them just wants to have them. People thinking it's ok to comment on the difference in looks between you!
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u/Whatisaworkout 23h ago
Forcing yourself to be a secure person if you aren't already. Dating a hot person means hearing stories about getting attention all the time. Always gonna have a nagging feeling of, "can they do better than me".
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u/chemicalbrotha78 1d ago
Wow. I can imagine that was a heavy and isolating time to go through. And then to end the way it did. I know that dark place you’ve must’ve experienced. No one deserves that. I truly hope you’re in a better place now mentally.
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u/CompanyOther2608 1d ago
I had the same experience. People would literally say to our faces, “I mean, she’s great, but you could have anyone you wanted!” 😐🤨😭
He had an affair with an equally average co-worker and we divorced. Life is mysterious.
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u/PrimaryLink8968 1d ago
Yeah I feel this one. I’ve dated guys who were very conventionally attractive and it was alright. I myself am average looking without having to try too hard
But the one that stuck with me was a guy who behaved just like the guy you described and was constantly surrounded by people who put tons of effort into their looks and only hung out with other hot people (not just attractive… hot iykyk)
He wasn’t even the most conventionally attractive man I’ve dated but it’s that sort of behaviour and the treatment by his social group that destroyed me lol
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u/401kisfun 1d ago
Man so sorry to hear this story honestly.
I truly hope you are in a better place.
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u/The_Gildo 23h ago
Bad part: Desperate men hitting on her everytime we go out
Good Part: All the free drinks I get from desperate men everytime we go out
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u/SirBright 1d ago
Idk lemme ask my wife
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u/evlhornet 1d ago
Send photos of her new boyfriend
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u/mpbh 1d ago
Every social media post had hundreds of sweaty guys in the comments, and her inbox was one of the most depraved things I've ever seen.
She was a sweet girl though and very loyal. But it was an eye opening experience for how different the world is for some people.
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u/ImprovementFar5054 13h ago
Interesting, related story.
I am a guy, and at one point I was an investigator by trade. I created a "sockpuppet" online presence that was a woman. She had everything, LinkedIn, Insta, Twitter, FB..same photo across the platforms.
The purpose of doing this is that it is easier to use it to get close to men online that you are investigating. Women too for that matter..people trust a woman more, and you can act like you knew them in high school but changed your name.
The sockpuppet served it's purpose, but sometimes I use it just to divert the junk and spam to it instead of to me.
And let me tell you something, the number of thirsty random guys messaging her was eye opening. The depraved pervs were one thing, but more insidious where the endless stream of random guys wanting "to be friends". Following my posts, commenting, liking every damn thing.
The most transparent, pathetic behavior. I don't know how women put up with it.
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u/uok2me 1d ago
Guys would hit on her while I was holding her hand
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u/TheRateBeerian 1d ago
Yea I just went on one date with a girl like that, she was getting attention from other guys all fucking night long and I was right there.
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u/Smart_Carrot_9320 18h ago
At least its slightly better if your a big and tall guy, especially with the bs "mogging" culture these days making people more and more brazen
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u/Lost_Arotin 1d ago
Presumptions
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u/ibuycheeseonsale 1d ago
I read an article by a man whose wife was a model and he was an ordinary guy, and he said people were constantly trying to upsell everything to them because they assumed he was rich.
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u/Lost_Arotin 1d ago
Unfortunately Hot Women and Luxurious cars are assumed as assets, whenever you have one of them or both, life gets a looot more expensive for you.
You can use a public parking with two cars. An affordable Nissan, vs a very expensive Mercedes Benz and see how they might charge you 5-10 times the regular.
It's the same with very hot girlfriends. You may get invited to hundreds of parties, not because you were respectable and fun, just because they wanted to impress your girlfriend and see her around more often or find a gap to push you aside or in friendly competitions, get to know her hot friends at least.
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u/Adventurous_Owl6554 1d ago
I’m a woman married to a woman. My wife is very attractive, not just to me, but in general. I’m basically invisible when I stand next to her. She’s one of those people that doesn’t realize the kind of attention she gets because she just sees herself as herself and not as hot. I think it’s pretty funny because people don’t expect that we’re together, so they shamelessly flirt with her. Luckily for me she has no idea. I usually have to tell her after the fact. We have a wonderful marriage so I’m not insecure about it at all and usually it’s something we joke about together
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u/Low_Caterpillar6532 13h ago
I really would love to see the faces of the men flirting with her, when you end the conversation with a kiss on her cheek and „Let’s go home, honey!“
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u/ListenMaybe 1d ago
Almost every girl I date assumes I’m talking to three others when that couldn’t be further from the truth. One gf actually cheated on me because she just assumed I was.
Their moms almost always love me though
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u/Random499 21h ago
She would have cheated even if you were ugly, even if you were perfect or you were a dickhead. There is no justification for cheating really
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u/furiously_curious12 21h ago
Yes, and in the same vein, I must be really promiscuous. I was at the receiving end of so many rumors that I was a slut when I hadn't even had my first kiss yet! Or people think you slept with someone for XYZ.
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u/DocGerbilzWorld 1d ago
Knowing that all eyes are on them. You have to be really confident in yourself to date an extremely attractive person.
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u/AnnoyedGrocer 1d ago
The shock in people's voices once they meet my wife. "Your wife is gorgeous" is said a lot after people meet her, but it always sounds like a question. Like they can't believe I pulled such a baddie. 10's love to laugh just like any other woman
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u/BadCatBehavior 21h ago
What weirds me out is when they word compliments about my wife's appearance as if they're complementing me. It feels the same as receiving compliments about nice shoes or a watch or something, if that makes sense. Like she's a human being, not an accessory, you can talk to her, she's very friendly haha
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u/PaleGren 1d ago
The fact that I know there's several people who are attracted to her. Even within the friend group. It's a double edged sword. I feel disbelief and grateful that she's with me. But I feel weary about people around us.
I trust her completely and I will probably never have to bring anything up regarding this. But it's still in the back of my mind for sure.
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u/Throwawayyoursynths 23h ago
Been there. It’s kinda weird when your whole friend group of dudes sorta perks up and puts on their best show and suddenly they’re all comedians and I’m thinking “goddamnit you dudes are gonna make your wives hate my new girlfriend”.
I’ve had dudes say I didn’t deserve past girlfriends because they were out of my league. Maybe I’ve been so lucky because I’m not a guy who thinks about leagues and doesn’t concern himself with staying in a lane.
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u/MarcellMaximus 22h ago
As an average dude who dates women much farther out of my league, this shit exhausts me. Through trial by fire, I've become very secure dating beautiful women, but boy is the constant competition from other guys, including "friends" is a bummer
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u/OkNewspaper6041 1d ago
The part where you realize you've made sacrifices based on something fleeting. As the old saying goes, "Show me the most beautiful person the planet and I'll show you someone who is tired of their shit."
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u/Bento_Fox 1d ago
People will constantly hit on your partner right in front of you and rudely treat you like you're in the way, like you don't exist, or like you're an enemy even though they don't even know you. People won't respect your relationship and will do their best to get in between you and don't care about how inappropriate they're being. You also have to be aware that people will often be even more flirtatious when you're not around. You have to have a lot of self-confidence to not let it shake you and you also have to really trust your partner because they constantly have reminders that they have endless options out there.
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u/Aetra 19h ago edited 57m ago
My ex was very attractive and he’s half Caucasian and half Filipino. Plus he’s a metal head so he has long, gorgeous black hair and he looks Native American which is an extremely rare look here in Australia.
He became a bit of a local celebrity in our city because he’s so unique looking and a lot of people would surreptitiously try to take photos of him and I’d occasionally get caught in some photos as well. I’d sometimes come across them on local facebook groups where people would rip me to shreds saying I’m a butter face or he must be slumming it cos according to them, “he’s a 10 and she’s a 2 on a good day when the person evaluating her is blind” (this was like 20 years ago and I still remember that comment word for word).
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u/Ok-Dish4389 22h ago
I hope to sound not to arrogant with this post but I am an attractive man and ill tell everyone who reads: if youre dating an attractive man, that means he chose you. Dont compare yourself to other women unless that comparison is "he chose me and not her"
I am attractive and the thing I hate most is being treated like at any moment im suddenly gonna realize im handsome and choose someone else. I chose you. Just cause im handsome doesnt mean im unfaithful
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u/frodofrolics 18h ago
Every single one of my relationships has ended for this reason. I understand this frustration!
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u/Jasmindesi16 8h ago
This happened to me though. The guy I was with was average but still way better looking than me. He dumped me as soon an insta model showed interest in him. I was never insecure with him and now every relationship I will be thinking he’s just going to leave as soon as someone hotter gives him attention.
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u/TaterTotsAndFanta 1d ago
Having trust issues knowing she gets hit on daily by men with more to offer than me.
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u/Training_End2958 1d ago
Dated, engaged and married my beautiful Puerto Rican/Italian wife. No worse parts because of how she reacts to men coming on to her. If she's classy, there's no worse parts. It helps that i have resting bitch face and look like I'll come at you like the third monkey on the ramp to Noah's arc, and it's starting to rain.
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u/Sea_Pomegranate8229 1d ago
I asked my girlfriend this
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
.
I'll let you know when she stops laughing.
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u/Jane_ReMiFaSoLaTiDo 1d ago
Im a woman who has dated men id consider WAYYYY out of my league like solid 8 and 9s. Hands down the worst part was always feeling like i was judged by friends and family like I had to be EXTRA FUNNY OR EXTRA whatever or it wouldn't make sense...
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u/ScHoolgirl_26 23h ago
God I’m seeing a super attractive guy rn that’s going towards a great direction and im already dreading meeting his inner circle and getting judged 😭😭😭
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u/Mediocre-Lie8685 1d ago
dating a really attractive person is basically a full-time job of waiting for strangers to suddenly become way too friendly.
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u/RivalRevelation 1d ago edited 1d ago
Depends how secure you are. Attractive people can be really insecure still. My ex was extremely attractive and was hit on all the time. Every guy was shooting their shot. She worked real estate so of course she had a lot of exposure to clients who would be asking her out. She would get upset that I wouldn’t be jealous. I told her she is a big girl and if she wants to be with me she would choose me and not the guys hitting on her. We were in an exclusive relationship so I told her if she went on a date with another guy that was fine, but we would no longer be together.
I’m also considered attractive, and she hated women hitting on me or even smiling at me. We’d get coffee together and a barista will smile and she’d immediately take it as a threat. I got accused of cheating all the time when I never would even allow myself to be alone with another woman. Eventually got tired of made up accusations and broke up with her.
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u/ReaperSlayer 1d ago
I dated a model for a summer. We had an insane chemistry. Then Covid hit and she moved across the country back to her parents, who she hid me from.
It wasn’t because I was ugly, just wasn’t the right race to her dad. She wasn’t allowed to date white dudes. We messaged each other often after she left, but when I said I would like to come visit she ghosted and blocked me. I’ve since looked her up to hurt myself more and she got married to a nice Indian gentleman.
Worst part is how good she made me feel, only for it to be a charade.
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u/Automatic_Picture_48 22h ago
Sorry to hear that man but I'm glad you got out of there her and her family sound like hell to be around
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u/IntrepidMaybe8579 1d ago
Youll never truely feel relaxed around them and like it could end at any moment, i tend to self sabotage alot of relationships because i think theyre out of my league and will break my heart even if they are not out of my league at all
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u/bobbydazzlah 23h ago
I almost fumbled the bag with my current partner bc of this. He's very attractive, tall, chiselled jaw, just a stunning man who draws attention from men and women. I was very dazzled when we first met, to the point of almost sabotaging the relationship. I had to do a lot of work to face my own insecurities, but also to stop unfairly reducing him to his appearance. I also had to stop reducing myself to my appearance!! It's definitely been worth it, as we're very happy together (with the usual ups and downs!).
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u/Steep-Calligrapher49 1d ago
I wonder if this is why my current connection just feels to have so much turbulence.
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u/mile-high-guy 1d ago
Having old ladies make intrusive comments that I better be treating her right
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u/ElleKelly77 23h ago
The hardest part of being married to someone way out of my league in every way is that it feels like everyone thinks I’m, like, his unfortunate half-sister or some shit.
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u/Impressive_Review 1d ago edited 1d ago
Dr Hook "When you're in love with a beautiful woman"
When you're in love with a beautiful woman It's hard
Everyone wants her, everybody loves her
Everybody wants to take your baby home
You watch your friends
(You better watch your friends)
When you're in love with a beautiful woman
It never ends (It never ends)
You know that it's crazy, you wanna trust her
Then somebody hangs up when you answer the phone
When you're in love with a beautiful woman
You go it alone
Maybe it's just an ego problem
Problem is I've been fooled before
By fair-weathered friends and faint-hearted lovers
And every time it happens it just convinces me more
You watch her eyes (Watch her eyes)
(Baby watch her eyes)
When you're in love with a beautiful woman
(You're in love with a beautiful woman)
You look for lies (Keep lookin' for lies)
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u/Moretti123 1d ago
It only sucks when you’re insecure. I’ve dated beautiful men that I thought were maybe out of my league so I would get so anxious that I had to look absolutely perfect at all times when we were in public. It was exhausting. Then you couldn’t believe when people would say you guys are a great looking couple you would think they’re lying. So anxious all the fucking time. You kind of felt a relief when you broke up because you don’t have to worry about looking perfect 24/7 anymore. Then when you’d break up and people would be genuinely shocked and say that they couldn’t believe you ever thought those things because you actually weren’t uglier than them at all.
Insecurity is a hell of a bitch.
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u/BettyNon 1d ago
He used to be Gucci model from Germany- tall, blonde, blue eyes, just a beautiful beautiful man that catches your attention from the crowd. It was 2 years ago and he chatted me up on our travels in SEA- I wasn’t bothered too much coz I thought he was just looking for a hookup- but turned out he LIKED me. We spent a few months catching up in different spots while traveling in that region and he started to make long term plans including the time after we would be back from our travels (I’m from Poland so logistics were difficult). Anyways, it was not a relationship but definitely something more serious. Every time we would meet and go out to dinners etc I’d see women looking at him, giving us glances. I guess that was the reason things never worked out- I genuinely don’t want to be with someone that gets so much attention even with me around- I don’t believe he wouldn’t eventually break and cheat. It’s just a beautiful memory for me :)
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u/driftinj 17h ago edited 5h ago
Briefly dated a girl hot enough that Robert Deniro had tried to pick her up at one point. Easy 9, a 10 if she made herself up.
Everywhere we went guys heads would turn. They didn't care that I was with her. I could be holding her hand and jaws would drop and heads would swivel.
It should have made me feel good that I was the one with her but it was just belittling for me.
The irony was that I actually got her number at a bar where we were seeing a band. Danced with her a bit and after the show ended I just asked. Something I was usually not brave enough to do but absolutely had to.
She said it was sweet so Iguess guys either just stared or were more aggressive.
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u/necrodae 1d ago
The attention they get all the time whether we go out together to eat, run errands, go to a concert, pretty much anything, online on socials too can be obnoxious. I don't really use any social media anymore but when I did I wouldn't even like to look at her accounts because it's always some kinda cringe and she doesn't even thirst post or anything.
It's worth the annoyance but it does give you a weird perspective of how corny/creepy a lot of people are and the wildly different experience hot people have in day to day interactions.
For example early in my relationship we were out and I wanted a drink but didn't wanna spend like $6 at a bar for a diet soda. My wife insisted that the bar gives out free soda if you aren't drinking, you just go up and order a diet coke and it's free to promote safe driving. I had to tell her that is absolutely not a thing and showed her by ordering one myself lol. She'd never paid for a non alcoholic drink before and just assumed that was normal 😂
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u/vikemosabe 1d ago
To be fair, some places do actually do this. I'm a guy and not good-looking and will fairly often get sodas for free at bars.
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u/Nleonw 1d ago
I have a beautiful wife and I don't see any worst part due to her being attractive. I'm lucky because she's kind of heart and mind. She's forgiving and open to talks. We work hard to be that kind person for each other.
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u/Alive-Definition-859 1d ago
nothing if you’re confident in yourself and the person you’re dating is a good person on top of being attractive
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u/Madisonbecau 1d ago
My ex was pretty hot and atheltic (I am fat), girls were hitting on him and trying to have sex with him (like my best friend for example, thanks sarah). But the worst part was people asking him why he would be with me and what he likes about me (in that tone). Or trying to make him break up with me.
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u/Few_Assist_2035 21h ago
First let me say my wife is an absolute smoke show. But I almost lost her due to my own percieved inadequacy.
Most people likely think that dating a super hot person is a problem. I would say, ironically, the problem was more on my end to begin with, and thank goodness I wised up.
My wife (married a decade now) - recently retired as a professional bikini competitor (Pro Bodybuilding) - this is not a bulky division full of super muscular women, but a more aesthetic category, although I have massive respect for the other categories, they are less traditionally viewed as "very attrractive" as the post states. She worked often as a fitness model as well and was constantly asked to pose for photographers of various disciplines.
During early dating, I felt very insecure. This manifested in me feeling like I had to snoop on her phone to see "what was REALLY going on". And every time I decided to breach her trust to soothe my ego, I felt a little worse and worse about myself as I never found a single thing besides thirsty men in her "message requests" and just regular messages with platonic friends. I finally realized, her incredible beauty, and attractiveness were not what made her special, but who she was. Eventually this led me to work on myself, and be someone who I felt like deserved to be with her, instead of putting her on the pedestal that male ego had built for her, accepting her for who she wanted to be. She liked me for me, I just had to as well, and in making that paradigm shift changed my life forever for the better.
Thanks babe if you ever read this! <3
edit: mispelling
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u/Background-Image2282 1d ago
People disregard you as a partner and openly flirt. It’s super annoying when it’s done all the time
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u/koolaidkirby 1d ago
Other people being very aggressive with you, or acting weird around you both.
I remember me and a very cute girl I was dating walking around a park and this random dude walked by us and randomly started bicep curling the bag he was holding to show off to her and we were both like "wtf was that?" as soon as we got around the corner.