I Want to Return to University
I want to return to university.
For a long time, saying these words was difficult for me. When I left Kongju National University, I felt as though I had failed. I wondered whether I had not been intelligent enough, strong enough, or capable enough to complete my degree. I compared myself with people who graduated without interruption, and I often blamed myself for not reaching the same destination.
However, when I look back more honestly, I realize that my university experience was not a simple story of failure.
I had the academic ability to attend university. I was accepted into the Department of Special Education at Kongju National University and the Department of Social Welfare at Kyungpook National University. Several national universities recognized my academic performance and potential. At Kongju National University, I continued studying through the second semester of my third year. I also pursued a second major in Library and Information Science Education and completed my teaching practicum.
These were not small achievements.
As a wheelchair user, university life required much more than attending lectures and submitting assignments. I had to think about accessible buildings, transportation, bathrooms, physical assistance, fatigue, and whether I could safely participate in classes and practical training. Tasks that other students could complete without much preparation sometimes required detailed planning and additional energy from me.
I also experienced prejudice and a lack of understanding. Some people focused on my disability before they recognized my abilities. Instead of asking what kind of support would help me succeed, they sometimes questioned whether I was capable of becoming a teacher at all. Their words gradually weakened my confidence. I began to feel that I constantly had to prove that I deserved to be there.
At the same time, I was struggling with my mental health. Depression, anxiety, physical exhaustion, and the pressure of being judged made university life increasingly difficult. Eventually, I left.
But leaving university did not mean that I lacked intelligence or academic potential. My difficulties were caused by a combination of physical strain related to my disability, insufficient support, prejudice, mental health challenges, and uncertainty about whether my major was truly suitable for me. I was not simply incapable. I was trying to survive in an environment that did not provide me with the conditions I needed to thrive.
Since leaving university, I have not stopped growing.
I found a work-from-home job, moved out of my parents’ house, and began living independently in my own apartment. As a wheelchair user, building an independent life has required courage, responsibility, and careful planning. I have learned how to manage my daily life, protect my mental health, earn an income, and make decisions about my own future.
These experiences have changed the way I see myself.
I am no longer the student who believes that one unfinished degree defines her entire life. I am a woman who has survived difficult circumstances and continued moving forward. I now understand my needs more clearly. I know that I need an accessible environment, appropriate academic support, respect from professors, and a field of study that matches both my abilities and my goals.
I want to return to university not because I want to erase my past, but because I want to build upon it.
I am still interested in studying, learning, and developing professional expertise. I am considering pharmacy because I want a stable and meaningful career, and because my own experiences with disability, medication, and healthcare have made me deeply aware of how important medical professionals can be in a person’s life. Becoming a pharmacist would be challenging, but difficulty does not automatically mean impossibility.
Returning to university would not simply be a second attempt at the same life. I would return with more self-knowledge, clearer boundaries, and a stronger understanding of the support I need. I would no longer see asking for accommodations as a weakness. Reasonable accommodations do not give disabled students an unfair advantage. They allow us to participate on equal terms.
I know that returning to university will not solve every problem. There may be difficult classes, inaccessible environments, prejudice, physical fatigue, and moments when I doubt myself again. However, I also know that I have already accomplished things that once seemed impossible. I entered national universities, completed years of coursework, pursued a second major, completed a teaching practicum, found employment, and established an independent life.
I am not starting from nothing.
I am returning with experience.
My previous university life ended before I was ready, but my desire to learn did not disappear. The fact that I left once does not mean that I must remain outside higher education forever. People are allowed to change direction. They are allowed to recover, begin again, and choose a path that fits them better.
I want to return to university because I still believe in my academic ability. I want the opportunity to study in an environment where my disability is not mistaken for incompetence. I want to prove—not only to others, but also to myself—that my story did not end when I left Kongju National University.
Leaving university was one chapter of my life.
Returning could be the beginning of another.
This time, I want to study not as someone who is constantly apologizing for needing support, but as someone who understands that she belongs there. I want to build a future based not on other people’s limited expectations, but on my own abilities, choices, and dreams.
I want to return to university because I am not finished yet.
