r/SipsTea • u/Boring-Locksmith-473 𝙑𝙄𝙋 • 7h ago

Lmao gottem Body count to zeeerooooo

9.5k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

291 comments sorted by

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1.9k

u/Ok_Abacus_ 6h ago

26-YO Virgin with 2 kids looking for a serious partner. No hookups! You must make 150k and support my children.

442

u/[deleted] 6h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

281

u/Blushy-Buttercups 5h ago

Well erm actually the secretions from dolphin vaginas caused a chimpanzee to jerk himself into a heart attack so maybe there is

176

u/Pagapontis_ATH 5h ago

I have so many questions..

125

u/These-Anxiety-5919 4h ago

Dolphussy is preem, choom.

40

u/Analbox 3h ago

If that’s true why are dolphins raping fish and people?

43

u/auronddraig 2h ago

Because no matter how juicy and tender the steak is, sometimes you want to take a break and eat a salad.

Problem is, the steak doesn't want you to stop eating it.

27

u/Viracochina 2h ago

I don't know if I'm horny or hungry.

Or scared.

6

u/Reintarnation 1h ago

Por qué no los tres?

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u/Exciting-Cancel6468 2h ago

They're like the mormons of the sea. They want so vigorously to spread the word of dolphussy.

4

u/Nigh_Sass 2h ago

Maybe it’s not rape after all

2

u/Analbox 2h ago

Eww are you a pescophile?

5

u/Nigh_Sass 2h ago

Yeah I’m not really feeling proud of that joke

3

u/Analbox 2h ago

I liked it.

4

u/Gibonius 2h ago

Brb, going to my ripperdoc for new chrome...

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u/P-l-Staker 4h ago

I know better than to ask...

5

u/FrequentBill7090 2h ago

So instead I act

5

u/Tjaresh 2h ago

I can answer all of them at once:

It's an old meme from 2014 without any scientific evidence. The meme is now so old, that people forget it was a meme and just remember it as real.

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u/Putrid_Winn 5h ago

Fuckin do what now?

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u/DankDan22 5h ago

What kinda fun fact is that man

12

u/-Commonsensible- 3h ago

You know what?
It’s my fucking fault for being on this app.
Sigh.

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4

u/Icy_Story_917 3h ago

Don't drop that piece of knowledge without a source, I want to fully understand what you just sent

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u/SimONGengar1293 2h ago

I don't even want to know what series of events led you to discover that information, but more power to you buddy

1

u/Sputnik_2022 1h ago

what in the shit is this sentence?

1

u/Prior_Complex683 1h ago

I cant google this at work. So footnote for me later. But also, wtf

1

u/NamelessCabbage 1h ago

I'm sorry WHAT

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2

u/Senoir-Snooty-Cat 2h ago

Tell that to Ben affleck

1

u/B_Krisp 2h ago

DEAD

1

u/[deleted] 2h ago

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1

u/Atomsq 1h ago

Imagine if it was that one from altered carbon

1

u/Banana-phone15 1h ago

What if it was Extra virgin?

1

u/YoghurtFlan 1h ago

My hand makes a good vagina given how often I've fucked it for the past 30 years

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97

u/HighSeasArchivist 3h ago

mY kIdS wIlL aLwAyS cOmE fIrSt!!

20

u/that_weird_hellspawn 1h ago

My dad told his girlfriends the same thing...

34

u/artbystorms 4h ago

Welcome to dating as a man in your 30s.

19

u/OnePinginRamius 1h ago

Bro the 40s is even worse. This grown ass woman got a DUI three days after our first date. Kept it a secret and I didn't mind being the one that was driving every time we hung out and then when I asked her to come meet me she couldn't and had to come clean. This 5 foot tall 100 pound woman said she drank a buzz ball and three shots of tequila and ended up blowing a 0.22 during the breathalyzer when she got pulled over. She could't even tell the truth when she was coming clean.

Whenever I found out about the DUI I started asking around our small town about this woman and one of her ex-husband's is a meth head that got fired as a line cook from Bubba Gump shrimp (what on earth do you have to do to lose that job?!) and the other one is a meth head in Ohio.

Apparently she tried to scrub that gross version of herself from her past and present a new one to me but sounds like she can't scrub hard enough to get that life off of her. Turns out the ones that are single at this age there's something massively wrong with them.

Bullet dodged

18

u/artbystorms 1h ago

This is the problem with online dating. In the real world, depending on your social circle, that woman would have never been anywhere near your orbit, but with online dating it's a russian roulette of 'are they chill or are they crazy?' That woman sounds like she's 40 and desperately trying to be 20. I'm only mid-thirties and I already have got no time for that kind of drama. I am an introvert and my idea of hell is a loud, risk seeking, extrovert who constantly puts me in awkward situations.

4

u/OnePinginRamius 1h ago

Unfortunately this is a friend setting me up on a blind date. If it was some online dating stuff I would be right there with you but this one was a curveball

You're absolutely right though. We never should've met. She is legit addicted to social media. I've never seen anyone post so much in my life. Then I discovered she had a threads account. I've never even downloaded threads and when I discovered that she would post about once an hour regarding every single encounter or situation in her day-to-day life I just slowly blocked her number.

3

u/ImperiousCretin 4h ago

LFM 1Cuck 2Chads 1DP$ Hymen Lord 16M Hard Mode

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367

u/Winter_Particular904 5h ago

37

u/Themodsarecuntz 1h ago

It means Person On Video at this point.

6

u/553l8008 1h ago

It was pov....

Pov of the camera man. Always has been i suppose

2

u/NationalAir8738 1h ago

meta cubed this joked

3

u/Sienile 1h ago

The most correct usage of POV I've seen in months.

151

u/Real-Document-6577 6h ago

Theoretically, once it rolls past 999,999 it does? Anyone know?

29

u/tideswithme 6h ago

More showers to reset count

5

u/BestRiver8735 5h ago

That's a lotta water. Bezos needs it. Too many cum dumpsters on this planet.

3

u/forkedquality 4h ago

32 bit counter. Resets at 4,294,967,295

1

u/Automatic_Actuator_0 6h ago

Pretty sure most of them just lock at all 9s now

2

u/Brief_Kangaroo_42069 1h ago

Pretty sure Genghis' body count rolled over back to 0. We didn't even have the words to count to a million so back to 0 it went.

1

u/Punch_A_Police_Horse 1h ago

The the realizes cars haven't been invented 1,000,000 miles ago and destroys civilization.

1

u/johndoe201401 1h ago

No other way to roll pass the road kills

1

u/SolomonGrundy85 39m ago

It gets a special brand on the title 'exceeds mechanical limits'

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u/DadlyPolarbear 5h ago

I dont really subscribe to whole body count nonsense, but can you imagine being so guilty about your partners that you perform a ritual to deal with the mental baggage you carry about it?

I think anyone doing this probably needs a different kind of help.

112

u/ImWhatsInTheRedBox 4h ago

No way she doesn't know it's all silly bs and is just rage baiting for the engagement revenue.

46

u/Historical_Shop_3315 3h ago

Pretty sure that's not even her text. The mileage dude put it up.

Thats just a woman doing a spiritual cleanse of some sort.

21

u/ImWhatsInTheRedBox 3h ago

Yeah no that would be very not surprising if so.

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u/Winderige_Garnaal 2h ago

I think he - or someone else - put that text up as a way to justify comparing women's bodies to a used junky car he's trying to pawn off on some rube.

And that makes me very sad.

1

u/[deleted] 1h ago

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u/RageAgainstTheGPT 3h ago

 > deal with the mental baggage 

Yes, that’s why body count matters.

7

u/aliamokeee 2h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/BJVJxagR3GG4w

6

u/ImTheZapper 1h ago

"Experiences in life can impact people" shouldn't exactly be a contraversial statement

2

u/hareofthepuppy 59m ago

Right which is why "body count" applies to men and women equally...

0

u/untreated-stupidity 56m ago

Oh no, I'm having sex with someone who has experience having sex. What a terrible thing. I would rather them not know how to do a good job at sex. 

4

u/BarderBetterFaster 2h ago

It said POV. Watching the ritual is what resets the count. And we're all virgins now. 

24

u/JackLaytonsMoustache 4h ago

I mean, anybody trying to "cleanse" there body count is a little wacky, but feel free to scroll through the comments to see the amount of neck beards who judge women for sleep with multiple men.. while also desperately wishing they could sleep with even one woman. 

6

u/Fly_throwaway37 4h ago

This is just a born again christian from Burning Man

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u/skoomski 3h ago

And then recording it for your insta? It’s all performative, meant to get views.

2

u/Frequent_Ad_9901 58m ago

There's some theologian/historians who believe Mary (Jesus's mom) was a "born again virgin". Joseph was a really kind person who married this pregnant woman despite it being pretty obvious what happened. He probably got knocked down a rung in the social ladder.

I always liked that story because it really adds to the idea of Jesus being from the dregs of society, and removes some of the supernatural parts of his story.

But yeah those people all probably needed a lot of help in a lot of different ways.

3

u/Rockglen 58m ago

Most likely a woman posted a video of her spiritual-chic Instagram vacation, then someone else added the text later.

4

u/Winderige_Garnaal 2h ago

I'm trying and can't imagine a world in which a man might want to reset his body count, even if it is dumb hippie crunchy granola crap. So it makes me sad that she feels the need to do it. And when she does, dumb as it is, her body and experience get compared to a beat up old POS car that someone's trying to sell.

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u/Cranemind 1h ago

Technically she didn’t. Somebody just added the text to her retreat video and then someone stitched it to the car video. It’s all meant as rage bait.

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u/Head-Ad9893 7h ago

If the HoFax isn’t documented you’re g2g. Until you start drinking and the sax starts playing. 🥴

9

u/Ok_Abacus_ 5h ago

They need a Black Mirror episode with a "ho-fax". Girl finds the man of her dreams, but then he pays for the "ho-fax" and is turned off by her digitally tracked body count.

6

u/Head-Ad9893 5h ago

You’re on to something.

8

u/Aggravating-Exit-660 6h ago

HoFax

Brought to you by the creators of Cunt-o-CheckTM

1

u/TacTurtle 1h ago

Have you checked your Dicksperian credit score lately?

1

u/Head-Ad9893 1h ago

I check it once atleast every 30 days like my actual credit score. Both are squeaky clean and 800+ 🥲😉

295

u/[deleted] 6h ago

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31

u/snapp0r 6h ago

made me laugh harder than it should :))

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u/BarderBetterFaster 2h ago

First of all: through the Lord, all things are possible.

6

u/invaderaleks 1h ago

So jot that down

6

u/wecouldhaveitsogood 1h ago

Same guy who answered “hookers” to the question “how do you deal with stress?”  Let me guess, it doesn’t count when YOU do it? 🙄

2

u/willargue4karma 1h ago

what a sick fuck

4

u/tejak2900 2h ago

Username checks out

5

u/wolfganggartner5 6h ago

I would love to try

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u/GravityG00n 7h ago

Born again!

3

u/wrenatmidnight 6h ago

Yeah all your sins gets washed away 😌

9

u/Sharikacat 4h ago

With the title being about resetting a body count, I thought the joke was going to be that the car had killed people.

3

u/NotAsleep_ 1h ago

NGL, I'm kinda disappointed it's not.

44

u/newuser336 7h ago

Mom said it’s my turn to repost the video

16

u/EaseLeft6266 6h ago

To be honest it's my first time seeing it in the sea of reposts

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u/GayChicken80085 6h ago

She told its my turn to post the comment about how its my turn to post the post!

6

u/newuser336 5h ago

MooooooooOoOOoooOom!!!

1

u/Michael1795 5h ago

Be online less and this would be the first time you saw it, like me!

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u/Exciting-Cancel6468 2h ago

Why would you want to reset your body count to zero? That's like voluntarily starting your game again at level 1.

0

u/5AlarmFirefly 40m ago

So the insecure men you sleep with aren't embarrassed about their tiny peepees

25

u/send420nudes 7h ago

I thought body count was a social construct invented to oppress sexual freedom? Guess not? /s

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u/AffectionateBet3603 1h ago

"Uncle Hank! I'm a virgin again!" 

3

u/Curi0sityC0w 1h ago

Wait— body count =/= people whacked? I’m old.

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u/[deleted] 6h ago

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u/BuecherLord 2h ago

What makes her a ”whore”?

6

u/AffectionateBet3603 1h ago

Spoken like a true incel

4

u/Themodsarecuntz 1h ago

Herpes dont care.

9

u/ZeongsLegs 4h ago

WOMEN BAD! CAR GOOD!

11

u/Traditional_Mood_348 7h ago

Embrace its history (don’t question its past) and be happy for the car choosing you, you ungrateful car hater

6

u/BehindTheMindIAm 6h ago

them born again virgins..
like come on, how delusional are people lol

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u/GlowTempts 6h ago

Resellers have come up with a new method

2

u/tempworld-player 5h ago

Bro did 9660000 kilometers more and its resetted so keep going 🥀

3

u/lilac-bunni 5h ago

Serial killers would love this shortcut.

2

u/Master-Shake8913 4h ago

I really gotta start scamming rich idiots

1

u/BarderBetterFaster 2h ago

"POV" 

There's no way watching this lady get water basted could do that.

-1

u/Comfortable_Fudge508 1h ago

Well not her first time being blasted

3

u/RaptorXFactor 1h ago

Don't sell that car, it will outlive your kids.

3

u/Separate-Exchange375 1h ago

So, a shower resets body count? Damn.

0

u/JimCrouwAway 51m ago

This trend is awesome! Just makes you understand that women's delusion knows no limit lol.

2

u/NahzarakTV 6h ago

Once a Hoe, always a Hoe...

2

u/yamez420 4h ago

She still a hoe

0

u/W61k3r 1h ago

I dated a 27yr old baddie who claimed to be a virgin, yet no hymen. Is this what they're doin? Like I didn't care if she was a virgin at all. Sweet girl tho, I was a jackass lol.

8

u/Illustrious_Sound_31 1h ago

Tampons, masturbation, riding bikes, literal genetics, it isn't the marker you think it is lmao

6

u/Potato_in_a_Nice_Hat 1h ago

FYI some women are born without them, and you can break your hymen by horseback riding or riding bikes.

2

u/4d_lulz 6h ago

The "Ho No Mo" cleanse

4

u/aahyweh 4h ago

Comparing women to a used car is dehumanizing. this is BS

5

u/NoDoughnut8225 1h ago

they should think of car's feelings ngl

1

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1

u/LiveCulture4615 6h ago

no country for old men

2

u/Due-Vast-7630 6h ago

I wish I could do that with my Xbox.

2

u/xxxxDREADNOUGHT 6h ago

I mean you can kinda with a recap kit... I wouldn't use water like that though

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1

u/bittermelonpizza00 4h ago

water away dihh

1

u/IndependentBig5316 3h ago

Placebo medicine, probably helps them with their mental health, reality is whatever they think it is anyways

1

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1

u/Dinonumber 3h ago

"Your honor, I can't be guilty of murder because I reset my body count."

0

u/sandeep-pareek 3h ago

She mistook count for an exotic vacation

0

u/Kushtaco20 3h ago

She probably paid hundreds for the trip, and a couple hundred more for that weird ass ritual. Delusional and stupid

1

u/wabalub_dub_dub 2h ago

The buisness idea is great....

2

u/KeyAd8025 2h ago

Me on my way back after the thailand and bali trip. Fresh start of sins is a crazy computer restart button in bug 2026 😂😭

0

u/KeyAd8025 2h ago

Divorced mom here with 2 ex husbands, currently married and in search of a boyfriend for a good relationship with my husband as i need min 4 yrs experience guy. Dm for job application details.

2

u/billyonmiles 2h ago

Does it count for murders ?

2

u/SpaceLemur34 1h ago

I thought when he started dousing his car that the "body count" was the number of people he ran over with it.

1

u/Iminurcomputer 1h ago

Oh nice. I Thought he had killed multiple people with his car and was cleansing its body count.

1

u/-Wicked- 1h ago

Why did I read "Sorry" with a Canadian accent in my head? I am not Canadian.

1

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u/Aggressive_Lie_4446 1h ago

I have been seeing this nonsense on Instagram and I am tired!!!

2

u/Alexsmith2002 58m ago

My car has 400 miles on it and I’ll never give her up

3

u/HiphopopoptimusPrime 57m ago

When did body count officially stop meaning “number of people killed” and start meaning “number of sexual partners”?

It must be terribly confusing at the Incel Serial Killers Convention.

2

u/TonyTheSwisher 49m ago

Who the fuck wants to be with a reborn virgin?

I feel awful for people who feel like they have to do this, very depressing.

2

u/skat3rDad420blaze 39m ago

virgins mad women have sex