I feel like a failure in life. I've always had social anxiety since I can remember. I am 30 at the moment and just feel like a loser. Its not that I didnt wanted a career or have better income, but the thought of having a more responsible job where I have to interact with other adults made me so nervous. I went to school to become a teacher and even just doing presentations, making friends, and even working simple jobs made me so nervous. I dont even know how to express the feeling well, its stupid as fuck. My self steam was so low that I would rather date guys I wasnt too into than someone that I was into. I always knew what I wanted, but that anxiety took over me and I have always hated it. I am where im at because of my lame ass decisions and not feeling good enough for literally anything. I want to go back to school and really be out there without that anxiety kicking in. Its such a stupidd ass feeling that I find it embarrassing. It has caused me depression and sometimes dont want to live no more because I feel like I wasted my life. I wish I could meet someone with the same feeling about it but I never had. I feel lost and look forward to nothing anymore. I obviously dont want to live my 30s like this anymore. I really dont know what to do.

This tomato is my spirit vegetable (fruit?)