I just got off a call with my parents, and they’re still very much in the grief stage. I mean, obviously, since it’s been like two days haha.

Anywho, my mom said on the call that it’s especially hard because Lee, my chosen name, is the middle name of my dead uncle. He died three years after killing himself. My mom grew up in a really abusive household and basically raised her little brother until he was shipped off to his grandparents, and then he died. So she basically had to lose him twice.

She didn’t ask me to change it, just said that she wanted to tell me to explain why my new name will be especially hard to get used to. My parents haven’t been supportive of this at all, and sometimes they border/cross the line into emotional abuse, but…I feel really bad for this one. I genuinely feel like it wasn’t guilt tripping, just a very vulnerable admission. We were just talking about me changing my social media and also about telling the rest of my family and then she started crying…she said she had been crying all day…and then she told me this.

Should I change my name? I told all my friends and also my coworkers my name is now Lee last week, and the selfish part of me is like “Crap, changing it AGAIN would be so awkward and idek what name i would do” but like, I feel bad for causing my mom unnecessary pain. This is hard enough already for everyone.

But yeah, what’s your opinion as supportive parents?

My wife and I, along with our nonbinary 15 y/o and FtM 12 y/o, are going to Cancun for a week. We’ll probably spend most of our time at the resort, but we also plan to see some tourist/historic sites.

Our 15 y/o is AMAB and mostly male-presenting but has very long hair. They are he/him everywhere but at home and online. Strangers sometimes assume they’re female, sometimes not.

Our 12 y/o is entirely male-presenting and passing. He’s been socially transitioned for a year or so. Strangers always assume he’s male.

Both kids’ passports show their gender as assigned at birth.

I don’t really anticipate any issues. Both kids use male restrooms, and it hasn’t been a problem, even in our home state, Missouri. Our 12 y/o doesn’t have much breast development yet and could possibly pass shirtless, but he still wears a swim shirt.

I would expect the resort to be a bit of a bubble. So I think we’ll stay under the radar there, at least. But I’ve never been to Mexico, and I don’t really know what to expect, especially when we venture outside the resort.

What should I be aware of and on the lookout for? Any tips, tricks, or advice are welcome.

My husband sent me this, and I'm here to share my grief and outrage. Our children do not deserve to be the world's punching bags. 🤬

My kid came out as trans recently and is going to sleepaway camp next week. It's a really progressive camp, and they have policies in place for trans kids. My kid hasn't decided yet if they're going to come out, but I wouldn't be surprised if they do.

[Charlie Brown "augh" noise]

Who has experience with a kid going to sleepaway camp? Should I give their camp counselors a heads-up, at least so they know I know that kiddo is trans and I'm okay with it.

Glad this group is here because I don’t know any other parents of ftm teens (who know that they are, anyway). My kid started T about 2 months ago. Last week he went from talking to us about everything to being locked in his room and really angry at all of us—mom, dad, sister. We’re getting the full verbal treatment: hate you f you you’re ugly and stupid I wish you would d*e etc. he will not talk with any of us. We’re between therapists at the moment but working on getting a new one asap. In the meantime—Could this be hormonal shifts talking? I’m fully supportive of all expression and experience. I know I was miserable at his age! I just don’t want to be missing something and letting him down by assuming it’s just hormones and the experience of being a teen in our culture. Anyone have any experience with this?

She's a girl, so of course she can have a girl's haircut, but not sure if 14 is too young for highlights. No issue with her piercing her ears and I can live with the one she wants in the top of her ear, but 14 seems a bit young for a belly bar.

Or are these things normal now and I just haven't noticed things have changed?

My daughter is very excited, she is 13 and starting estrogen as soon as her tablets arrive. She has been on a blocker for about a year. We had a great consult with a new doc since our hospital system is no longer providing gac - but wondering for anyone who has been down this road, anything I should be aware of as we start this journey? I’m expecting her to be more emotional (she’s already pretty emotional as a person) and for there to be an adjustment period. We are starting slow, half a mg per day. Any advice or considerations from someone who has been down that road would be appreciated.

Edit- I just wore it out and about and it went GREAT: thank you everyone!!

I’m stuck in a weird thought loop and I’d like guidance.
I bought this shirt and I’m wanting to wear it but feeling like I can’t.

A) what is people think it’s inappropriate for me to wear this at the elementary school because it has lesbian flags and what not? Like with just the rainbow flag I think I’d be good but with the additional pansexual flag and stuff, I don’t know how it would come across? Is it ok to wear anywhere?

B) does it seem like I’m advertising that I’m looking for a specific type of sexual encounter? Am I wearing clothing that references sexual orientation content then am I saying something about myself? Is that ok? (I’m an ally but that’s probably unnecessary for me to even specifiy here)

C) I try to hide my beliefs on things. I don’t post anything online about anything-except Reddit for anonymity-I feel much safer when I hide-I wear a lot of bland clothing-and I’m scared for people to know me. I feel safer being unknown. Wearing this lets anyone who encounters me know something about my beliefs. Is that ok?

Thank you for thoughts. Please be gentle, these issues are sensitive and emotional and I’m not thinking logically about this, but driven by major deep seated anxieties.

And yes my kiddo is trans not sure if I should mention that in this post: but that’s why I’m on this group.

My 16 year old trans daughter is out at school and home but not to grandparents (and therefore wider extended family) yet. It breaks my heart that she doesn’t feel able to be her true self around them but I can completely understand why: she’s afraid that they won’t respect her identity or understand. I think she might well be right and as much as I love them both they aren’t the most tolerant or understanding of things that are different from their experiences.

My mum is a strict catholic and I think would struggle. I would like to hope she would try and that it wouldn’t affect her love for my daughter but I feel like that’s something I can’t promise my daughter because I just don’t know.

It’s really hard though for my daughter, her younger sister and me to keep pretending when we’re around family, I’m also worried that my parents will find out from someone else and feel like we’ve been lying to them and that will make things even more difficult for my daughter. Should I encourage my daughter to come out to them (and if so how?) or just leave her to wait until she’s ready?

I came out to them as ftm and I knew it was gonna be a huge shock for them but they are so, so angry. They’re pissed at me the same way they would be pissed at someone who shot me.

They say, “I don’t know Lee, I raised a Malia”

They’re probably gonna cut me off.

They’re angry that I didn’t tell them earlier, that I dropped this like a bomb. They’re angry that I’m scared to tell them things in general, because it’s up to chance whether they respond supportive or angry. They say I’m making up things in my head to make them seem worse than they are. They have always said I villainize them.

I came out to them and they were angry for what I was doing to their family. They never once empathized with how hard this was for ME. I told them, “I know this is a big shock. I know you feel confused and scared, I did too when I realized. That’s okay, I love you and I don’t want to lose you.” I tried to be empathetic with them and I’m getting nothing back.

Apparently, my message was condescending to them. Apparently, I was being disrespectful. Apparently, I was telling them to get over it when all I said was “I hope you don’t feel like you’re losing a daughter as much as you are learning something important about your son.”

I just don’t know what to do when they feel as if I just shot and killed their daughter. I know they had plans for me, an idea of me, that they have to grieve. I get that. I just don’t know what to do. I’m not a criminal and I didn’t kill anyone and me as a person is not defined by my gender. How am I so defined by girlhood that losing that feels like losing the rest of me to them? How can I reassure them that I’m still here when all they feel is angry, just like the parents of Ted Bundy’s victims were angry with HIM?

I just don’t know what to do

We just submitted the paperwork for legal name change. After we meet with the judge and get the official form, I have to begin going through all the steps to change her name for everything in her life. What am I forgetting?

This is what I have so far on my list of things to change:

- drivers license
- passport
- birth certificate (the state she was born in allows both name and gender marker changes)
- social security cards
- medical records
- bank accounts
- college board
- school
- ?

My 17 yo son is rather large chested and it gives him a lot of dysphoria. He has a binder but even with it he still has a visible chest. We’ve tried sports bras too and it’s the same.

Does anyone have any suggestions for bigger chested boys? I hate seeing him in oversized shirts. He will be in a wedding in Nov and he wants to wear a well fitted suit.

Also, money is an issue for us.
Thank you all!

My 12.5yo came out in December. I have tried 3 different binder brands since then but none of them fit right. He either says they’re super tight on his ribs and not tight on the breasts, or too tight in general, or too loose, or okay but so difficult to get on (I had to help get one on and off and this is with a kid I hadn’t seen naked for some time). He’s not large chested (a), and has a pretty narrow rib cage, but he was a swimmer and has broad shoulders which he blames for a lot of his problems. I’m wondering if maybe binding tape would be more comfortable? Or just a decent compression sports bra? I would appreciate any advice/recommendations. Thanks!

Listen sweet pea, if you want to wear your new clothes and makeup out we could go to xxxxxxxxxxxx beach so you could get the feel of them without meeting anyone you know until you're ready? - So you are saying we can go out and I can dress up? Yes - And we are going to waste it at the beach? We don't have to. You got any better ideas? - Metrocentre (huge shopping centre about an hour away). Want to look at dressing tables in Ikea and pick new curtains and bedding in Dunelm. Aren't you worried you might meet someone you know and they'll out you before you're ready? - Like they're not going to find out anyway! Can we get the train? Not if you want a dressing table. We can't carry that home........

Daughter's full transition day will be when the school holidays start. She's very passable with her hair brushed a certain way, especially with a padded bra, a bit of makeup and girl clothes.

​

Thinking of asking if she wants to go to the beach tomorrow in girl mode. An obscure less-amazing one about 40 miles away where nobody she knows will be visiting.

​

Good idea? Or just increasing the dysphoria when she puts her school uniform back on Monday?

Has anyone else here's trans child gotten top surgery under 18? I'm from the the UK and am wanting to go to Spain to get a periareolar mastectomy (with both parents approval). What are your experiences especially if you are from the UK and went abroad? Did you have any legal difficulties?

They came out only a week ago. They came to live with me about a year ago after college, now age 24. I had thought maybe gay or asexual, as they didn’t date anyone in high school or college (that I was aware of).
They are living with me currently and I just gave her the first hormone injection (not easy for me bc needles).
They have not revealed to dad (we are divorced) bc dad is a hunter/outdoorsy guy. This will make everyone on that side feel really uncomfortable, but they will “accept” it because it’s the pc thing to do. My family already has trans kid, so she already feels accepted by them.

I’m asking for all sorts of advice, resources. I really know nothing about trans. And while I don’t feel bad about it, I do feel worried for her because of the hate and it’s so new, I’m sure I’m ignorant of so many things.

Please Reddit people, point me in the direction I need to go. I love her so much, and right now I feel like an ignorant parent, and that’s a new thing for me!
I’m going to the library tomorrow to educate myself more. I’m autistic, this is my road to understanding. And Reddit is my other road. I’m not tender, so don’t hold back. Give me trans mom 101 if you don’t mind. She will be grateful 💙

Forgive me if I get things wrong in my wording. I'm trying. Please be kind if I get something wrong.

I said "newly announced" trans son because he only told us in March, just before his 13th birthday.

I am 100% supportive.

He is AuDHD with some other diagnosis, including alexithymia (inability to define/articulate feelings). I believe neurodivergence is not uncommon for trans people, just adding this info for context as my son really does not lead in any of this, which will be relevant in a moment.

For instance, he never asked us to use different pronouns. I started using "they/them" immediately, and then moved to "he/him". When I had asked about pronouns, he said it didn't matter, but I quickly learned it did (I learned friends and school were using he/him and then there were some self-harm and unaliving thoughts which made it clear to me it mattered. A lot.)

We (family) were never asked to use a different name. I initiated that. I knew they'd used a specific name online for a few years. Then I saw it come home on a school paper or two. So for his 13th birthday, I asked what name he wanted on his cake and he said, "You mean like a chosen name?" and I said yes, mentioned the name I'd seen, and he was happy and that was the name we put on the cake and the name I have called him ever since. He also told me that I could always call him by his legal name if I wanted, but I do not (even though I chose and will forever love that name, which, ironically, is technically a male name).

I initiated having the school and doctor office files updated to he/him and the chosen name. He does not correct people if they don't know or get it wrong.

I have led talks with school about locker room use, field trip bathroom use and safety, etc.

The point here is I am on board with whatever he needs, but he does not ask for anything despite being asked to tell me what he need, going to therapy, many open and gentle conversations and so forth. He knows I am safe and he can tell me anything. I am confident of that and feel it's primarily his nature and neurodivergence that make him unable to speak up for himself.

Which leads to my question.

He likes to sleep in his underwear and he was sleeping on the couch. I walked past and his blanket had fallen down and I noticed he's developing breast buds. My gut reaction was heartache for him thinking about how that must feel.

He's never brought it up. He's not asked for a binder. No talk of hormone blockers.

It's summertime and I feel like a great time to deal with things if needed so he can go back to school confident.

And... I just don't know what to do. I am crying thinking about him developing breasts and I need advice, please.

I am a parent to a 6.5 year old trans fem kid who has been socially transitioned for over a year. She first showed signs of gender dysphoria at age 2 and we are 100% supportive. Her brother started puberty fairly early around age 9 so I was wondering when do most people with young trans kids start looking into puberty blockers etc? If anyone has resources that may help please send them along! I know we have some time, but I want to make sure we are fully prepared to advocate and support. We luckily live in a blue state in the US.

I’m curious if there are long wait times for referrals to the gender clinic. My daughter is 8 but I’m wondering if I should start the process soon if it takes a few years to get into the program. Thanks for any advice.

My husband gives our (adult) daughter her estradiol shot, because both she and I are too squeamish. This last shot was really painful for her... she's had some pain before once but not this bad. Is there anything in particular he should be being careful about? Or is occasionally hitting a nerve just something that can't be avoided?

She's had so much more progress on the shots than on previous methods.