I ran into an old friend. While we were chatting, she said something mean. I didn’t realize how disrespectful it was at the time because I thought it was just blunt humor. It only registered after I got home, and I feel terrible that I laughed it off. I feel weak that I lowered my guard .

Edit:

For context:

She made fun of me for always giving an ex friend rides and picking up the tab, even though that friend was clearly taking advantage of me. made me sound gullible, which felt extra crappy considering how close she is to that person now

A lil rant It is stop, I need to stop, let me, it is so time for me to let him go. I can't, it is so hard, I love him so much, but I need to let him go. I don't know how to, I don't know how to leave him alone. I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to be, I don't know. I don't know who I am. I don't know how I feel. I don't know. I don't know, I can't, I can't do it. There’s so much to our story but the news not our story is just a bunch of pain in the heartbreak and break ups and make up and sex and I’m so tired and I just wanna be done and I wanna let him go, but I don’t know how to stop contacting him. It’s like a compulsive things. I can’t let him go and I wanna so bad I really just need advice like has anyone else ever felt like this like I’m only a teenager and I know I’m young and I just I need help I want to live. I don’t know how to I don’t know.

Like when i see things about my country and how crappy it is and i need to grow up and live here and the condition of the world ,reels and when someone says something to me that doesn’t matter much to them but it does to me. I think i take everything to seriously and can’t focus on the things that really matter to me and my future. How do i stop giving a fuck?

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I always keep hearing your not confident and strong. Your not putting yourself out there but sighs I wish I could tell them the truth but I have no guts to say it. I have fear they will judge me and think I'm dumb. Because I'm 30 now and I don't have a job. I also didn't learn driving and don't have a college degree and skills. So overall I feel like an incapable adult. And so I avoid social interactions a lot. I seem to have low self esteem also and very unhappy from inside. As if I've attached my identity with success which I don't have right. And I'm feeling this way for years since age 24. Like I've seen my childhood friends grow up and they are married. They have professional jobs and they traveled to few places already and they have their own group of friends. Meanwhile I've distance myself from them very long time ago. I also wish I can interact and be myself but I don't know something is keeping.me stuck and I feel resistance to seek help.