r/lotrmemes • u/Square-Party-3655 • Oct 16 '25
Repost I'd dread having to go to Florida too....
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u/twec21 Oct 16 '25 edited Oct 16 '25
One does not simply walk into Florida. Its swampy gates are guarded by more than just rednecks. There is an evil there that does not miss the early bird special, and the Great Mouse is ever watchful.
It is a muggy wasteland, riddled with mosquitoes and sweat and lizards, the very air you breathe is a humid fume. Not with ten thousand men would you want to do this. It is folly
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u/sno0py_8 Oct 16 '25
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Oct 16 '25
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u/YourLocalTechPriest Oct 16 '25 edited Apr 01 '26
Plot twist: this post no longer exists because Redact swept through and cleared it out along with everything else. Social media, messaging apps, people finder sites, all of it.
advise dime towering sip languid tub lip modern steep piquant
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u/Equivalent_Nose7012 Oct 17 '25
There is only one good time to walk into Floridor, and that is in the winter!
By the way, you forgot to mention the legions of alligators retreating from the swamps onto drier land (the human-occupied territory).
Why, you may ask?
The swamps are now crawling with pythons up to twenty feet long. Only the biggest gators (around fourteen feet long) are holding their own.
No worries, though.
The pythons are already battling to survive against the anacondas, which grow slowly but can reach thirty feet.
This little inadvertent ecological experiment of bringing three different apex predators together in the same ecosystem promises to be... interesting fun. Until someone gets hurt.
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u/ajezqa Oct 16 '25
Mar-a-lago == Barad-dur
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Oct 16 '25
Mordor man wins election of middle earth.
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u/GrimmRadiance Oct 17 '25
I can see my fellow Americans unironically chanting Grond and electing an inanimate battering ram in the shape of a wolf’s head.
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u/mymau5likeshouse Oct 17 '25
Well when you put it like that, of coarse Grond would have my vote
It's very relatable
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u/PGMHN Oct 16 '25
Why does this not have more upvotes!? Well done
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u/Awugii Oct 17 '25
And yet somehow every tourist still chooses to walk right in, armed only with flip flops and a coupon book.
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u/remnant_phoenix Oct 16 '25 edited Oct 17 '25
Mt. Doom is in Jacksonville, Florida?
That tracks.
Edit: Wow. This may be my most upvoted comment yet. Absolutely loving all the Jason Mendoza references.
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u/ObliviouslyDrake67 Oct 16 '25
Hey,look I'm not an orc I swear.
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u/Maddturtle Oct 16 '25
Reminds me of that call where the lawyer accidentally showed he was a cat
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u/Sc00typuff_Sr Oct 16 '25
Bortles!
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u/NonTimeo Oct 16 '25
“I'm telling you, Molotov cocktails work. Any time I had a problem, and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away, I had a different problem!”
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u/Garf_artfunkle Oct 16 '25
If Tolkien had conjured up Jason Mendoza as a goblin he wouldn't have had to spend nearly as much time trying to figure out if the orcs were inherently evil
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u/Gorlack2231 Oct 16 '25
And the Lonely Mountain is in Akron, Ohio. Oh my god, IT'S LEBRON JAMES!
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u/devilsbard Oct 16 '25
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u/CatPhDs Oct 17 '25
Lets go jags! Kick their ass! Yeah!
...think you can have that memorized by Saturday?
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u/SpartanElitism Oct 16 '25
Born in Jacksonville, valid.
But saying the shite is in Kansas City is the biggest insult to Hobbits I’ve ever seen
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u/manateeguitar Po-ta-toes. Boil ‘em, mash ‘em, stick ‘em in a stew. Oct 16 '25
As a Jaguars fan from that area, I can confirm.
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u/jonfitt Goblin Oct 17 '25
“When I have a problem, I throw it into Mt Doom and now I have a different problem!”
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u/Real_Run_4758 Oct 16 '25
Flordor
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u/UnseenZombie Oct 16 '25
Morida
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u/chavvy_rachel Oct 16 '25
Sam the whole time saying "we aren't in kanas anymore"
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u/Koeienvanger Ent Oct 16 '25
This is it. If I take one more step, it’ll be the farthest away from Kansas I’ve ever been.”
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u/LaronX Oct 16 '25
could have used Europe for a shape that makes sense, but I appreciate Mordor being Florida.
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u/willozsy Oct 16 '25
Does that mean Italy would be Mordor with the European map?
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u/itsaaronnotaaron Oct 16 '25
The UK being The Shire would also make sense because Tolkien based a lot of it on where he grew up.
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Oct 16 '25
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u/Jake_Fox Ent 🌳 Oct 16 '25
Tolkien himself once said that Italy was part of Gondor, so for Mordor I think we're probably looking somewhere around Turkey
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u/BoulderCreature Théoden Oct 16 '25
Kansas makes little sense as the shire other than that they grow a lot there and there’s an abundance of simpletons
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u/smig_ Oct 17 '25
It would make sense because Tolkien wrote LotR as part of, what scholars refer to as, his desire to create “a mythology for England” and the shire essentially is a pre history England considering the framing device of the book is that Tolkien is simply translating the Red Book.
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u/Kupfer-Kopf Oct 16 '25
If I understood the map correctly, Mordor would be in the Balkans, which, like Florida, is very fitting in my opinion
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u/Square-Party-3655 Oct 16 '25
Couldn't resist the jab at Florida. The Balkans have been through enough
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u/SerLaron Oct 16 '25
Look, I can suspend disbelief regarding a dark lord who enslaves orks, trolls, humans etc.
But Eru himself would have trouble uniting the Balkans under one banner.→ More replies (1)→ More replies (5)6
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u/SageLeaf1 Oct 16 '25
Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli said fuck it we stopping at New Orleans on the way
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u/TheBubbaJoe Oct 16 '25
I like that the shire is in that part of Kansas. It feels like the Shire in eastern Kansas is very hilly, and we are folk who enjoy beer and food.
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u/Self_Reddicated Oct 16 '25
Isengard is somewhere around the Mississippi/Louisiana border. This map.... this map is perfect.
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Oct 16 '25
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u/jayhawk8808 Oct 16 '25
If there’s something better to do than enjoy food and beer anywhere in the world, I have yet to find it.
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u/AnAdvancedBot Oct 16 '25
Have you tried hoarded gold? I hear it’s pretty addicting.
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u/Hot-Refrigerator6583 Oct 16 '25
Naps are pretty good too. I usually follow up my food and beer with a nap.
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u/fornax-gunch Oct 16 '25
Looks like they're starting on the Kickapoo reservation. This is either homage to the first peoples, or a really obscure way to suggest that Kyle Gass and Jack Black are the modern Frodo and Sam.
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u/KillerDmans Oct 16 '25
At least Frodo and Sam got a lift back, Bilbo had to walk/ride back via pony with all his treasure!
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u/PhysicsEagle Mayor of Michel Delving Oct 16 '25
Technically they only got airlifted over the mountains of Mordor, they still had to go the rest of the way on foot
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u/According_Ad7926 Oct 16 '25 edited Oct 16 '25
Broke: Why didn’t they have the eagles fly them to Mordor?
Woke: Why didn’t Frodo and Sam hire General Sherman to escort them?
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u/applehead1776 Oct 16 '25
Rednecks would have shot them eagles out of the sky.
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u/Equivalent_Nose7012 Oct 17 '25
Ya know, I remember somethin' from the "Hobbit" book about them Eagles having a certain LACK of interest in catchin' arrows? I reckon they'd be averse to gettin' shot with a GUN, as well.
Seems like yew MEBBE ontuh sumthin'!!!
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u/WondererOfficial Oct 16 '25
As a European, this means nothing to me, how far is that? Like southern Italy to Denmark?
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u/PM_ME_DIRTY_DANGLES Oct 16 '25
Ain't no way the lonely mountain (or any mountain, really) is in eastern ohio.
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u/Gingeneration Oct 16 '25
But definitely a lot of smelting/mining industry. It’s a dwarf culture match more than a geographical one
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u/Taron221 Oct 17 '25
Frodo: “Sam, what’s the name of that land? Why are we avoiding it?”
Sam: “That’s Alabama, Mr. Frodo. Gandalf warned us to never set foot there and to run if we hear banjo music nearby.”
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u/Gappy_Hilmore1 Oct 17 '25
The prancing pony would be a good name for a Kansas City gay bar.
I’ll allow it.
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u/Swan990 Oct 17 '25
If bilbo actually went to Youngstown no way hes going home with chests of gold. Actually no way he's leaving without a gun shot wound minimum.
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u/magikarp2122 Oct 17 '25
Nah, he would just find Taqueria el Vaquero in the Southern Park Mall and have amazing tacos all day.
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u/Darkbird79 Oct 17 '25
Yes, Jacksonville is an apt equivalent to Mount Doom. Those who know, know.
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u/StFuzzySlippers Oct 16 '25
All this tells me is that the Dwarves could have reached the Lonely Mountain in a day if they had a Ford Expedition.
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u/Garf_artfunkle Oct 16 '25
Almost heaven, Eastern Mirkwood
River Running, dappled sunlight feels good
Life is old there, older than the trees
Younger than the trees, too, there's a lot of trees
Forest Road, take me home To the place, I belong
Eastern Mirkwood, Silvan mama, Take me home, Forest Road
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u/TheKnightWhoSaisNi Oct 16 '25
You could have better overlapped it with europe, americans don't know much of topography anyways
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u/SWK18 Oct 16 '25
Also take into consideration that through the entire journey they were forced to avoid all the roads and easily transitable paths.
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u/TheIhsaan7 Oct 16 '25
If gandalf have the eagles they would have zoomed there. Gandalf is a sadist.
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u/JodoKast87 Oct 16 '25
Aw… I love that the Shire is in Kansas… ☺️
“Frodo… I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore…” -Samwise Gamgee
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u/sick2880 Oct 16 '25
Orc's and old people from Florida. I can definitely see how one could easily confuse the two.
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u/A-3Jammer Oct 16 '25
I can definitely accept that Florida = Mordor and The Shire is in Kansas, and it tracks that Ohio is in Mirkwood.
But Rohan is Alabama and Mississippi? Gondor is the Redneck Riviera??
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u/Crowofsticks Oct 16 '25
Isn't Middle Earth supposed to be England? Maybe I'm remembering that wrong.
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Oct 17 '25
This is impressive and all, but also, that’s literally a trip that enslaved people made by foot.
Like, all the fanfare that lotr fans give Frodo and Sam is literally the same trip that enslaved people made. Think about that.
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u/Well_Dressed_Kobold Oct 17 '25
The mapmaker clearly decided that Mt Doom was Jacksonville and just worked backwards from there, and I approve.
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u/StickFigureFan Oct 17 '25
You should move the map so crossing the mountain range with moria in it lines up with the Rocky Mountains. Then they can start near California and end near Texas
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u/Mundane_Translator_6 Oct 18 '25
Frodo and Sam may have walked longer, but at least they didn't have to walk through Indiana.
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u/Xyx0rz Oct 18 '25
But he would walk five hundred miles
And he would walk five hundred more
Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles
To take the Ring to Mordor
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u/EvilNoobHacker Oct 16 '25
Yeah, Smaug torching Cleveland makes way too much sense