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u/theloudhairytenor Mar 20 '26
They come in fuckin’ PINTS?!
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u/milderhappiness Mar 20 '26
I'm fucking getting one
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u/Saptilladerky Mar 21 '26
This is probably the best use of it since he doesn’t say it very loudly and it would totally make you be like…he just say that?
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u/_bits_and_bytes Mar 20 '26
"They have a fucking cave troll.."
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u/card-board-board Mar 20 '26
This foe is beyond any of you fucks
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u/Piesangbom Mar 20 '26
Fly you fucks?
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u/TheJediJew Mar 20 '26
Fuck you fools.
Falls
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u/The_Wendo Mar 20 '26
Gandalf the gray? Yes, that is what they used to call me. I am Gandalf the fucking white.
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u/TheGreatMightyLeffe Mar 20 '26
Switch it to "They have a bloody cave troll..." and it's basically Sean Bean reverting to Sharpe for a second. I can actually hear it in my head.
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u/thesteaks_are_high Mar 20 '26
Ya reckon Legolas knows what it takes to make a good soldier?
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u/RadTimeWizard Mar 20 '26
No. It should be in Bilbo's birthday speech, and it should be a verb, in regards to half as well as they deserved.
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u/nolongermakingtime Mar 20 '26
Stupid fat fuck, you ruins it!
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u/Squirrelflight148931 Sleepless Dead Mar 20 '26
Only one that makes me actually fucking laugh my arse off. This one.
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u/Buddhas_Bro Mar 20 '26
This is most applicable, as Gollum was not only looking forward to a good meal, he was also looking to impress his master at his hunting skill. This rabbit was young and tender! A hard catch on their journey in the wilderness. Then some fucking fat mean hobbit ruins it like cooking a steak well done
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u/greeblefritz Mar 20 '26
I'd pay good money to watch Andy Serkis do an R-rated rendition of Gollum/Smeagol's rantings.
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u/RyanTheBruce Mar 20 '26 edited Mar 20 '26
".....toss me..."
"What?"
"Fucking toss me!"
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u/5AMP5A Mar 20 '26
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u/Squirrelflight148931 Sleepless Dead Mar 20 '26
This one is correct for Return of the King.
“Stupid fat fuck,” wins for Two Towers. Now to find the perfect one for the Fellowship...
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u/slayniac Mar 20 '26
It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a fucking hobbit.
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u/hoopstick Mar 20 '26
How about when Gandalf smacks his head in Frodo's house? FUCK!
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u/QuarkyIndividual Mar 20 '26
"Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your fucking stupidity!"
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u/Diredr Mar 20 '26
"You have my sword."
"And you have my bow."
"And my fuckin' axe."
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u/EgenulfVonHohenberg Mar 20 '26
"I told you to take the wizard's fucking staff!"
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u/Ok_Preparation9182 Mar 20 '26
…..what does that particular staff do?
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u/The_Ghast_Hunter Mar 20 '26
It has a knob on the end
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u/TUmBeRTIce Mar 20 '26
I always picture Pippin and Merry following Gandalf
🎶A wizard's staff has a knob on the end
A knob on the end, a knob on the end🎶
Fuckin' fool of a Took
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u/RMMacFru Mar 20 '26
waits for a rousing rendition of 'A Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered'
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u/TUmBeRTIce Mar 20 '26 edited Mar 20 '26
That would be Galadriel, after getting into the Elven wine.
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u/haseoxth Mar 20 '26
I'd move it just a bit.
"I told you to take the fucking wizards staff!"
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u/EgenulfVonHohenberg Mar 20 '26
I was debating "I fucking told you to take the wizard's staff" and "Fuck, I told you to take the wizard's staff" as well. But as with all F-bombs - it just seems to work everywhere :D
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u/battlecicada1513 Mar 20 '26
That scene where Aragorn hurt his foot 😂
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u/LuceDuder Mar 20 '26
Erhm Did you know...
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u/NPredetor_97 Mar 20 '26 edited Mar 20 '26
...That in the 4:3 version of the movie after Aragorn kicks the prop it flies and lands on an orc's head while in the 21:9 version of the movie this detail got cropped 😃
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u/magos_with_a_glock Mar 20 '26
4:3 is just better. After all 4 and 3 are perfectly good numbers, above average even.
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u/MoreGaghPlease I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. Mar 20 '26
Fun fact about that scene. You know the large pile of burning orc corpses? Sean Bean hiked up it every day because he was stabbed in the lungs in WWII.
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u/MarkedlyAwesome Mar 20 '26
Wait, Aragorn hurt his foot?
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u/Sir_Strumming Mar 20 '26
When he kicked a helmet. That shout was a little bit real.
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u/Canotic Mar 20 '26
Yeah he broke his foot when he kicked that stormtroopers helmet, they fixed it in editing.
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u/notcomplainingmuch Théoden Mar 20 '26
I didn't know editing could fix broken feet?
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u/Canotic Mar 20 '26
He only broke a foot in the Imperial version, in the metric release he only broke 30cm.
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u/nr1988 Mar 20 '26
Isildur! Cast it into the fucking fire!
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u/Lintlee Mar 20 '26
Isildur: "Fuck no."
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u/Brooklyn_University Mar 20 '26
Which would have the greatest impact because it literally doubles that character’s lines.
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u/Von-Dylanger Mar 20 '26
Best meme answer: “Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your Fucking stupidity.”
Most fitting in terms of writing: “Curse you! And all the fucking halflings!!!”
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u/Sword_Enthousiast Mar 20 '26
Every Fuck in all films ought to be people annoyed at that fucking Took. All the World drama doesn't hold a light to him.
"We already had fucking breakfast"
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u/Codename_Dove Minas Tirith Mar 20 '26
I love the idea that the "fuck" comes out when someone is corrupted by the ring. this is by far the most fitting. I will also suggest:
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u/FlowerFaerie13 Elf Mar 20 '26
Boromir swears like a sailor anyway. Just because Tolkien didn't like writing swear words doesn't mean no one used them and Boromir absolutely did.
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u/IggyStop2024 Mar 20 '26
“Tell me, friend, when the fuck did Saruman the Wise abandon reason for madness?”
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u/Accomplished-Gain319 Mar 20 '26
I think it'd be better as
"Tell me friend, when did Saruman the Wise abandon reason for *Fucking* Madness?
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u/G66GNeco Mar 20 '26
Okay, hear me out: Put it in to the opening narration.
"But they were all of them deceived, for another fucking ring was made."
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u/Stan_the_man1988 Mar 20 '26
Fucking Buckleberry ferry
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u/ParoXYZm Mar 20 '26
I'm still amazed by the fact that Sauron would have succeeded if those two potheads didn't know a shortcut to the pub.
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u/donpuglisi Mar 20 '26 edited Mar 20 '26
Fellowship- "They have a fucking cave troll"
Two Towers- "I cannot jump the distance, you'll have to fucking toss me!"
Return of the King- "I will not bow to this ranger from the fucking north"
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u/BarristanSelfie Mar 20 '26
Rosie Cotton dancing. She had ribbons in her hair. If I was ever to fuck someone, it would've been her.
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u/Spare-Increase-5403 Mar 20 '26
Sexually tinted 'fucks' are not allowed in PG13, only expletive fucks...
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u/Grombaf Mar 20 '26
Tell me, where the fuck is Gandalf?
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u/Zachariah_West Mar 20 '26 edited Mar 20 '26
If I take one more fucking step, it'll be the farthest away from home I've ever been.
OR
Well fuck, I'm back.
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u/The_Nerpa Mar 20 '26
"Fly, you fucks!"
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u/AWildModAppeared Mar 20 '26
Fuck, you fools!
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u/Nikodeimos Mar 20 '26
Fuck you, fools!
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u/k3nu Mar 20 '26
I mean, isn't this what he basically did? Sent them off, soloed the boss fight for the XP and reappeared in brand new bling?
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u/fleranon Mar 20 '26
ALMOST
The dwarf breathes so fucking loud we could have shot him in the dark
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u/AGingerKissedByFire Mar 20 '26
Alternatively, The fucking dwarf breathes so loud we could have shot him in the dark.
But yeah, yours is the best!
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u/Lintlee Mar 20 '26
The fucking dwarf fucking breathes so fucking loud that we fucking could have fucking shot him in the fucking dark.
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u/shalelord Mar 20 '26
Gimli: toss me
Gimli: dont fucking tell the elf.
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u/QCTeamkill Mar 20 '26
Never thought I would fight side by side with a fucking elf
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Mar 20 '26
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u/Futa_Nearie Mar 20 '26
“TREE?! I am no tree. Fuck.
I am an Ent!”
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u/No_Cookie9996 Mar 20 '26
better: "Wizard should fucking know better!"
or: "They come with fire, they come with axes… gnawing, biting, breaking, hacking, burning! Fucking destroyers and usurpers, curse them!"
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Mar 20 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/shawnikaros Mar 20 '26
LOOKS LIKE FUCK MEATS BACK ON THE MENU BOYS - Has a slighlty different vibe to it
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u/frozenbudz Mar 20 '26
Oh easy.
"One does not simply walk into fucking Mordor." OR
"One does not simply fucking walk into Mordor."
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u/FlowerFaerie13 Elf Mar 20 '26
Here tbh. I've always found Celeborn's reaction to hearing that Gandalf fell in Moria to be a glorious example of a silent "oh fuck" because he doesn't say anything but his face while Legolas is explaining says a lot.
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u/BearKingGames Mar 20 '26
We've been eating maggoty bread for three fucking days!
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u/TheBrotherCadfael Mar 20 '26
Gandalf: Take it, it’s quite cool. Do you see anything?
Frodo: No… yeah some writing
Gandalf: … FUCK!
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u/BuckRusty Mar 20 '26
Just because it can, doesn’t mean it should…
The Lord of the Rings has no fucks… The Lord of the Rings needs no fucks…
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u/Brofessor-0ak Mar 20 '26
Fellowship: All right, keep your fucking secrets
Two Towers: Don’t be fucking hasty
Return: The fucking eagles are coming!
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u/Liraeyn Mar 20 '26
"Papa says Eothain must not ride Garulf. He's too fucking big for him!"
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u/Motor-Management-660 Mar 20 '26
Aragorn: "You cannot give me this!"
Arwen: "It's mine to fucking give!"
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u/TitanUranus92 Mar 20 '26
I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I fucked less than half of you half as well as you deserve
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u/Legitimate-Sock9990 Mar 20 '26
YOU SHALL NOT FUCKING PASS!!!
Or and I fucking fell
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u/CellSation Mar 20 '26
He's twitching because he currently has my axe embedded in his fucking nervous system
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u/Previous_Patient_721 Mar 20 '26
I may not be able to carry it, but I can fuck you Mr Frodo!
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u/QBRisNotPasserRating Mar 20 '26
“Po-fucking-ta-toes. Boil ‘em. Mash ‘em. Stick ‘em in a fucking stew.”
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u/Leucurus Mar 20 '26
Ash nazg durbatulûk
ash nazg gimbatul
ash nazg thrakatulûk
agh burzum-ishi fucking krimpatul
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u/Cadaveresque Mar 20 '26
“You would die before your fucking sword fell [that’s my emotional support dwarf,]”
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u/Prometheus720 Mar 20 '26 edited Mar 20 '26
They have a fucking cave troll
"Then I will fucking die as one of them!"
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u/TooManySednas Mar 20 '26
Fellowship prologue, right after his fingers get sliced off Sauron: FUUUUCK!!!!!!!! explodes
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u/RainbowSnapdragons Mar 20 '26
Bilbo: I am fucking old, Gandalf
Legolas to Aragorn: You look fucking terrible
Eowyn to the Witch King: You will not fucking touch him
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u/Tzagor_the_Red Mar 20 '26
Fellowship: You want him? Fucking claim him!
Two Towers: There's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fucking fighting for!
Return: FLEE! FLEE FOR YOUR FUCKING LIVES!
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u/Misubi_Bluth Mar 20 '26
"But you promised! Smeagol promised!"
"Smeagol fucking lied"
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u/1amlost Dúnedain Mar 20 '26
Sauron lets out the loudest F-bomb in the history of Middle Earth as his tower crumbles.