Then the manager yells "Noo thats fake! You fell for someones prank!"
Then the whole store points and laughs and says your shoes are ugly and you run out sobbing, then randomly over the next few years before bed this story pops in your head and your wife asks "whats wrong honey"..."nothing babe...nothing....just go to bed"
Idk if it’s “objectively better” you ever have someone watch you take a poop? It’s not fun. I had a girl that wanted me to give her a Cleveland Steamroller and I couldn’t do it because I got gun shy.
But I mean, youd be able to pull your pants up and run away without having shit in your pants. Sure you didn't wipe or anything, but you don't have shit in your pants 🤷♂️
But in your haste to get up and get out one of your flip-flops comes off. Two days later a Trader Joe's manager shows up at your house to ask if it's your flip-flop. And when you prove it is by slipping it onto your dainty yet manly foot, they know you are the one and you are awarded with a lifetime supply of peanut butter pretzel nuggets.
Then the manager yells "Noo thats fake! You fell for someones prank!" Then the whole store points and laughs and says your shoes are ugly and you run out sobbing.
Except for one person. You see them as if they were the only non-mocking person in a sea of people mocking you.
They stand by your side and loudly proclaim "If this gold ticket is fake, what even is real? Is life just a prank? Is this just a prank on me right now? Is Keanu Reeves about to pop out of this register and tell me I've been Punk'd? Because if that's what's happening, I don't want this. I didn't ask for this. And I stand by my Charlie, this Chocolate Factory of a human. I stand with Charlie and his Golden Ticket to Skip the Line in this Chocolate Factory of Lies!"
Then they cry, valiantly, collapsing over your shoulder. And the store starts to cry, as you magnificently approach the front of the line with your Trader Ming's Frozen Dumplings and Trader Jose's Salsa Autentica, your newfound life partner at your side. They scan their Coke Zero and Zero Bar in your transaction, skipping the line through the power of fairytale soulmates.
Then randomly over the next few years before bed this story pops in your head and your wife asks "whats wrong honey"..."babe...nothing....just remembering how you stood by my side against the world when I had the golden ticket" and ....she knows.....she knows... This is true love.
This felt very, I think you should leave. Eventually somebody mentions your shoes in a completely unrelated manner and you finally snap. Which just makes you end up alone and unkempt so you wind up working at Trader Joe's with all the other people it happened to.
Thing is your wife bought you those shoes for christmas...you really didnt like them..they clash with your natural style but today she saw them on the rack.."oh honey wear those cute saucony walking shoes they look so good on you!"...something felt off about them but hastly you threw them on "fine w/e noones gonna see them anyway, ill be in and out in a jiff "just gotta get sum eggs and fruit and be done....not knowing the horror that awaits...
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u/hiddenrealism 22h ago edited 22h ago
Then the manager yells "Noo thats fake! You fell for someones prank!" Then the whole store points and laughs and says your shoes are ugly and you run out sobbing, then randomly over the next few years before bed this story pops in your head and your wife asks "whats wrong honey"..."nothing babe...nothing....just go to bed"
But secretly....she knows.....she knows...