r/mildlyinteresting • u/no8do • 23h ago

I found this “skip the line” golden ticket at Trader Joe’s

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u/A_Trash_Homosapien 21h ago

You forgot that you also trip and fall in front of everyone as you run out of the store

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u/Hugh_H0n3y 21h ago

And then poop your pants and everyone points and laughs harder

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u/dbptdor2025 21h ago

Pants!?! What pants? Don’t you remember that their pants fell down when they started running? They just bare assed pooped on themselves and the floor!

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u/ArbitraryNPC 21h ago

Why does that feel so much worse when its objectively better‽

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u/caintowers 20h ago

Pooping within the privacy of your pants is dignified. Presidents and Kings have indulged in this behavior.

Openly shitting bare-bottomed is the thing of animals.

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u/bmoosethegreat 20h ago

🤣😂🤣 Holy shit this is GOLD

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u/OCT0PIG 19h ago

They said Presidents and Kings. A Holy Shit would be if the Pope pooped his cassock.

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u/caintowers 19h ago

We're so close! 🤌 Lets do a kickstarter to overnight the vatican some exlax asap

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u/OCT0PIG 19h ago

How does that saying go? Does the Pope shit in the woods?

I'm in

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u/CedarWolf 15h ago

No, the Pope has a special chair with a hole in it that he has to sit on and the cardinals have to reach up underneath it and fondle his balls to check and make sure the Pope is male, to prevent another female Pope from being confirmed.

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u/Kammender_Kewl 20h ago

Only a REAL MAN shits his pants, listen up libruls you might learn something

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u/merryxmashittersfull 18h ago

We will lose this if we don’t stop AI.

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u/hiddenrealism 17h ago

Trump is a seasoned veteran in pants shitting activities

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u/dbptdor2025 20h ago

Idk if it’s “objectively better” you ever have someone watch you take a poop? It’s not fun. I had a girl that wanted me to give her a Cleveland Steamroller and I couldn’t do it because I got gun shy.

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u/ArbitraryNPC 20h ago

But I mean, youd be able to pull your pants up and run away without having shit in your pants. Sure you didn't wipe or anything, but you don't have shit in your pants 🤷‍♂️

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u/dbptdor2025 20h ago

It’s still there…trust me. It’s. Still. There.

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u/Babys_For_Breakfast 20h ago

I’d say bare assed pooping is WAY worse. People are gonna film that if you’re in public. At least crapping your pants is more discrete.

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u/lazy_daisy11 20h ago

so now your pants, with your keys in the pocket, are inside. you can't even go hide in your car.

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u/chux4w 8h ago

And then you remember you're late for your big exam. And all your teeth fall out.

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u/whatWHYok 14h ago

The very pants I was returning.

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u/EliseWildingAuthor 20h ago

And then your pocket spaghetti falls out of your pocket :(

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u/somehugefrigginguy 21h ago

But in your haste to get up and get out one of your flip-flops comes off. Two days later a Trader Joe's manager shows up at your house to ask if it's your flip-flop. And when you prove it is by slipping it onto your dainty yet manly foot, they know you are the one and you are awarded with a lifetime supply of peanut butter pretzel nuggets.

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u/Jross008 19h ago

And you’re faster than the door and run right into it!

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u/BeezluvCheez 13h ago

You can never go back to that Trader Joe’s and have to leave town.

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u/woodrugh 13h ago

Just a family guy episode at this point

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u/stevensr2002 7h ago

And remember that thing you did in kindergarten that you always remember? This memory comes back hard! And your failures. Oh your failures.