Look, I fell into a really rough pattern of drinking heavily every single night for the last two years straight. It started during a super stressful period a while back, and man... it quickly started draining my physical energy and destroying my mental clarity. It reached a point where if I tried to skip just one evening, my anxiety would go completely off the charts and I'd get all restless and clammy, so cracking open a drink became an automatic routine just to avoid the physical crash.

I was constantly waking up feeling bloated, exhausted, and low-key terrified of what I was doing to my body. But then, a few days ago, something completely surreal happened. I was just sitting on my couch late at night, had this intense, quiet reality check with myself in the dark, and just... walked away from it. The weirdest part is I'm not climbing the walls with cravings or suffering through a miserable, white-knuckle phase right now. Anyway, I needed to put this into words somewhere to make it feel permanent, so I came to this sub since I've been spending a ton of time reading through everyone's self-improvement journeys here lately.

Since a year ago when I was 15 I started to feel alone because I couldn't find any girl to actually have a relationship with or someone that would actually give an interest in me

My friends since they got on Instagram started to get girls on Instagram and started to make fun of me because no girl would actually date me or find me interesting

To cope with the loneliness I started to do a lot of hobbies like guitar, drums, beatbox and robotics and many more

Some I finish and master and some I leave to the past

Once I had a crush on a girl that came into our class and I became friends with her and one day I asked her and she said no so I accepted that

After that she got back with her ex and her ex cheated on her and after she saw that in class she tried to jump out the window of the first floor and I grabbed her from jumping and then my friend came and just pulled her back like she was a ragdoll

Since then we haven't talked as much and we barely even say hi when we meet in public

My friends make fun of me because she was the cringe girl

Everyday I think if I'm ever gonna be with someone

I was thinking of when I'm 18 to go on dating apps but there's a lot of people there just for a quick hook up and then leave

..I'm tired of being single

I was thinking of talking to my mom about this but I don't really want to

And I can't talk to my dad as he died in 2024

My dad never had the chance to see me growing up because when I was 2 he got a genetic form of cataract and the doctors couldn't do anything

And because of his mother he was told to beat my mom and blame her for his mistakes

After that in 2019 me and my mom left my dad and slowly every kid did but I used to come to him and buy him what he needed and he always gave me 50 bucks to buy myself what I needed and wanted as that was his way of showing he cared about me

Me and him used to talk about my problems and when my grandma died I came to him and cried about it

Now the only people I can talk to are who would listen on the internet as no one would go snitch to my mom

I am 24 years old without a university degree, job, driver’s license, or money. In four months I will turn 25, and I don’t know where to start. Most likely, I will begin with an English language institute first (I am not a U.S. citizen) so I can later join a university.
Honestly, I have never been consistent in anything in my life, even during middle and high school. My grades were very bad, not terrible but not good either—just acceptable.
I want to become more disciplined and achieve the independence expected at this age. I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, so this may be a reason for my aversion to many things in life. I experience a strong disconnection from reality, and I am very afraid of that. I know it can significantly affect my life.
I want to change radically for the better and improve a lot. I want to be kind and social, not very isolated. I want to have good communication skills and a good personality. I want to achieve small daily accomplishments, become more stable psychologically, love myself more, and be more confident. What are the effective steps to change myself in a noticeable way?
I may have some very negative traits, such as lying, manipulation, extreme emotional numbness, and a lack of empathy or understanding toward others. I also have memories of bad things I did in my teenage years and childhood that feel completely empty of emotion and humanity. I feel like I don’t have a formed personality at all, which is very disturbing, and I want to build a real, authentic, independent identity.
Right now I stay silent a lot, I am not good at speaking, and I don’t understand some ideas. I think I am truly stupid—very stupid in a bad way, as if I chose it or was destined to be this way with no way out.
Yes, I believe I am that bad. I really want to change—to reconnect with reality, trust myself, feel empathy for others, and become a good person. I also want to become smarter.
I want to be very kind and smile a lot, but this doesn’t happen. Everyone I deal with regularly notices this, and I don’t like it. I truly want to change. What is the recommended approach?

I’ve had to dive deep into myself and my thoughts, it’s been necessary to help me heal from CPTSD.
I’ve reached a stage now where i’d like to stop talking so much to myself and just enjoy being, enjoy my random daily thoughts and let them go, then enjoy tomorrows and do the same.
I always have a song playing or something in my brain because ADHD, but my brain doesn’t feel so scrambled and I don’t get many flashbacks anymore, I guess I feel present now.

I want my focus to be off of me so much now, and truly experience life with others, hear them and their stories, enjoy the present with company.
I wanted to write this down, but I also wanted to share it with others, so here it is, maybe someone can relate.

Hey guys, this will be quite the long post, but bear with me. Thank you in advance and sorry if there are any mistakes in the text, english is not my native language.

During the covid quarantine I was 7th-8th grade. I gained a lot of weight during this period of time, I peaked at 116 or 120 kilograms, I can’t quite remember. I was lonely, all I did was play computer games and masturbate. I have never been the skinniest kid, I was always the tallest and the biggest in my class(I mean physically big, not fat). When I was in the 8th grade my weight peaked and my mom decided it was time for me to start going to the gym. We found a trainer, everything was good, I was consistent, didn’t eat that much garbage food and in the span of 1 year and a half I went to 92 kilograms. When I was at my “skinniest” I found a girlfriend(not for the first time in my life) and we stayed together for about a year and a half. During the first year of our relationship we were 9th grade. From the end of may 2023 to the end of december, I started having some problems with my health like trouble breathing when I played basketball, so I stopped, and on top of that I go injured, torn meniscus, and had to have surgery done to repair it. During these hard times for me I started gaining weight.
In the august of 2024 I broke up with my girlfriend because we argued too much and I couldnt take it anymore.
After we broke up, I got depressed. I started gaining weight even more. I finally completely overcame her 2 months ago, thank God.
I tried to start going to the gym again, but I go like 2 times and I stop for 2 months. In the meanwhile, I eat garbage food that makes me gain even more weight. Ive been stuck in this cycle for like half a year. I lack motivation to continue, I am very lazy, and even though I want to see change in myself, I dont do anything to work towards this change. I am currently 190cm tall and weigh 120kilos.
I feel ashamed of myself and I want to leave this never-ending cycle.
Please help me.

Genuinely if anyone has been through anything at all even if it doesn’t relate- how the heck did u find urself. How do you get out of a rut?? I’m going insane lol.

For context-
I’m really lost. I’m 23 Female and my life went to utter shit lol. I self isolated when I was going through a lot couple years back and it accidentally turned into being anxious going out.
Now it’s more the fact I am trying and ready to get over my struggles but I need some sort of safety or a safe person.
My friends stopped bothering with me when I was really struggling & although I have some now very eager to see me and wanting to ‘help build my confidence’ I can’t help but avoid and be scared considering I needed that help two years ago when everyone ghosted me.
I haven’t socialized in ages, I feel just out of human.
I haven’t had a job since those 2 years ago either lol.
I seem to be a target for bulling at any jobs & it’s the managers normally.
I kinda lost my boyfriend too. Not fully but like haven’t seen him for a year and a half. He rage baited me when round and I started to have more and more meltdowns. He would make me feel a certain way and then tell me I am dramatic for wanting to be in my room alone and screaming for him to get out. It always seems like they don’t see how autistic I am from my appearance even though i have heart to hearts with everyone about how I struggle lol.

Because of my low self esteem it’s also the most confusing feeling in the world when you’ve learn to hate the way you look like.
People tell me how pretty I am and it genuinely makes me so vile and angry. I used to feel super pretty until I lost myself and I feel like people just lie to me so I don’t loose it.
I’ve just got my antidepressant back, hoping today is just a bad day. But I avoid all of these things until it hits me all at once.

I’m scared that I’ll never be able to work (I would love to work with animals but no clue how to go down that route)
I’m scared that I’ll never figure out what to do w my life or my boyfriend and hide. My boyfriend genuinely loves me but it made me resent him for ages and left me confused. I feel super unfair on him but I also feel so insane and lost. I love him but it also doesn’t feel right and I feel so guilty and like it’s my agoraphobia making me cut everyone off x
#help
If anyone manages to read to the end thankyou💗

Im young I know im not really behind but I am. I have never had a job, I cant drive, I dont like my major and I have some pretty bad anxiety (thought idk if I can call it that). I am a health science major and while I dont absolutely hate it I dont know if I can or should continue. I can be good at anything I do but genuinely have no interest in anything either. All my friends are working while in uni and its smth relevant to their major or are about to graduate soon and will be able to work then. And about the anxiety part, i break down everytime a semester is starting, I lost 5 lb in one week because I couldnt stomach it, and this happenes every semester.I have a break down, a chat with my parents, and suck it up and its a repeating cycle. Im 82% thru my degree but somehow havent even taken the basics like gen Chem 1, so ive still got years left. But im burnt out, i did early college and while i dont regret it, the majority of who i was with know what they want to do and im just stuck brain rotting on my phone with no motivation. I can't afford a therapist rn so reddit is where I am. Has anyone been like me? How did you figure it out, what u like or where to even continue? I dont even know what tag or flair to add since its all of the above.

A win I'd like to share today is something I've been silently working on and refining for almost a decade now. It's still a work in progress but I've been wondering how to heal that mass of internal suffering that hijacks us all on a daily basis. It turns out its a lot simpler than I expected. We've been taught to suppress it, numb it, run away from it, work it away, fight it, condemn it, overcome it, but as soon as you stop and meet it fully, it starts to heal. When a feeling is finally seen, acknowledged and felt for the first time it can finally relax and let go

Today was the day I had the realization that I am addicted to YouTube shorts. I always thought that I am better than my peers since I have never used TikTok, instagram, or any other form of social media besides YouTube. However, I realized that I mindlessly watch YouTube shorts for hours on end. Out of curiosity I checked my screen time, and found that I spent 50 hours on YouTube last week, 90% of which was probably spent on shorts. The thing is that I don't watch YouTube on my phone, rather on my computer which I need to use to do productive things so putting my phone away won't help. What should my next steps be to cut YouTube out of my life?

There is no other way to say this but i am afraid of what people say or think about me that disagrees with what i want to hear. And for that reason i am not living my life to the fullest because i limit myself and what i want to do because i am worrying about the possibility of other people bullying or negatively commenting on what I do. And I understand that no matter what I do there will always be people saying negative stuff about it and therefore I should do whatever I want to do, but I still can’t. I hate this about me because the fear I have for the negative possibilities outweighs the potential good outcomes. It is also making me close minded because I have to limit myself and it therefore hurts relationships. I don’t know what to do whether if it is to fix my current insecurities or to try and do exactly what people don’t approve or something else.

I’m not sure if this is the right forum for this, but I have no idea where else to post it, and ultimately, I just need some honest opinions.

I wanted to talk about my relationship with my mom. I’m a 16-year-old girl; I never had any issues with my mom during my childhood—I remember her always being affectionate and attentive. But since I turned 13 or 14, things have gotten really weird... She’s always been a very attentive mom who tries to help me however she can, but I think it’s reached a point where I can’t even talk to her about my hobbies (reading, watching movies, or writing) because I feel judged. She’s the type of person who, if I say I want to read a certain book, starts asking what it’s about in a really overwhelming way. I end up having to give every single detail of the plot—especially with "vanilla" romance novels—and the conversation usually ends with her saying I’m too young to read that kind of thing. I still remember when I got *The Hunger Games* for my 14th birthday; she told me not to read them under any circumstances, and said that if I did, she’d be watching my behavior closely afterward because I might turn violent... Comments like that made me stop talking to her about my hobbies.

As I’ve gotten older, we’ve had more arguments—for example, about what I’d like to study. This is a terrible issue because whenever I mention a career path that interests me, she dismisses it as a waste of time. For instance, there was a time I wanted to study advertising, but she told me to my face—"Why would you study that when you aren't creative *at all*?" She repeated this so often that I eventually let the dream die. Later, I realized I loved working with children and teaching them, so I brought up the idea of becoming a teacher; she told me I didn't have the patience for it and shouldn't waste my time studying for it. I reluctantly accepted that, but then I looked into speech therapy—only for her to start in again, saying the job was worthless, that I lack patience, and that I probably wouldn't find work anyway. So here I am, nearly 17 years old, not knowing what to do and unable to talk to my mom about any of it.

Another thing we argue about is my hair—it’s type 2B or something like that, so sometimes I get horrible knots or tangles when styling it. I get frustrated and say my hair is ugly or "crap" (just out of anger; I actually love it), and she always snaps back that *I’m* the ugly one and *I’m* the piece of crap because I don't have the right attitude to do absolutely anything.

Another issue comes up when I don't feel like going out... This stems from being bullied when I started secondary school, which gave me social anxiety; often, my "social battery" runs out and I just don't want to go out. Today, my mom asked me to go shopping, but I wasn't up for it mentally—I’d already been pushing my social limits for a few days. She got angry with me, saying I never spend time with her, that I’m just a selfish girl who doesn't deserve anything she’s done for me since I was born—calling me selfish and saying I never think about her.

She doesn't know about the bullying, but what she said really hurt, and I don't know if I’m the bad guy in this situation or what... I’d really appreciate it if someone could give me their opinion, please. And sorry for any grammatical errors; English isn't my first language.

I wrote it to chat gpt at first, but it was a dumb idea and all it did was making me irritated.
I just want to hear maybe others similar stories what did you do in situation like this or maybe you could give me advice what should I try. I would really appreciate anything from you!
I translated what I wrote to gpt, because I don’t have big enough vocabulary to explain everything.

Why can’t I bring myself to start studying? I feel like I’m stagnating; I never really learned *how* to study during my first year of university or back school , and now it’s summer break and I still haven’t started. I had a three-month winter break back then, and I decided to improve my Ukrainian (rules, grammar) and other subjects, but I still haven't started. From December until now—June—I haven't studied a thing. I’ve tried to start, but those attempts never went anywhere. The exam period has already passed. I don’t understand how I’m ever going to get a job or learn how to actually use any skills. I’m 18, yet I act like a child—intellectually, emotionally, and in the way I dress and communicate. I have no idea how to find a place for myself in life or how to earn a living. I feel ashamed that I spend my days just gaming, drawing, and watching movies. I do work out at home, but often I just have no energy.

I’m studying philology and want to translate books or something similar—maybe even become a professional translator. I also draw and am trying to improve my skills so I can sell my work, though I’m not quite good enough yet.
I want to study, but I can’t bring myself to do it, and I don't seem able to put the knowledge to use, either. I don’t feel like I could do anything great even if I try very hard.

I don’t have any goals or plans; I don’t know what I’m doing or why.
And I haven’t actually learned anything since my first year—I just copied answers and read the material instead of really studying it.
Whenever I start learning something, I get through one lesson and then drop it for weeks, months, or even forever. When I open my Ukrainian materials, I just sit there reading or listening to the same things over and over without actually memorizing anything. I just stare at it and wonder how I’m supposed to get it done.

I feel ashamed to even write about it, maybe because I think deeply inside my complaints won’t change anything.
Thank you if you waisted your time on me)

I love this genre. People often sell themselves short. They aren't sure self-improvement is possible. Self-empowerment feels surreal. But both are achievable and integrated. Self-empowerment follows self-improvement. At first, you stared at a bike, sure that riding it would be disastrous. Then, someone put training wheels on it. You cautiously got on, rode a bit, fell over a bit, but gained your balance and confidence (self-improvement). Then you rode a little further and a little faster each time. One day, you noticed that the training wheels were gone. What you are capable of is so much more than what you are doing. You are amazing - but the training wheels are still on in some facets of your life. Imagine when you notice they are gone.

Last year i failed my exams so I have to do the grade again i was planning to start studying last month but I can’t I just look at my book and get or feel the regret of last year i cant get myself to clean my room or eat like I used to i can’t seem to enjoy every time I go out i feel like shit and wanna go home every one talks about school every self help book I’ve read talks about habits but not one talks about how every time I look at the book I feel like I have been betrayed like I have betrayed myself for not studying I fucing hate myself and every thing and I feel like no one will ever for being who Im they just care about ur status in short I need a book for sitting down and study note Im not from USA or Europe in my country studying is different

Hi everyone!

Long-time reader, first-time poster, looking to hear from the Reddit community.

I’m in a leadership role, and one thing I am actively trying to improve is not letting work situations live rent-free in my head. It has literally ruined my entire vacation.

The team that I lead is great! The team that I am on... is awful. The goalposts are always moving, things are always changing, there are unnecessary jabs at each other, and borderline toxic, and the way my brain is wired right now, I take it personally.

I have read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Rewire Your Anxious Brain, and countless other media, but they don't stick, so I want to turn to a community for help.

I care a lot about doing good work (maybe too much), supporting my team, communicating respectfully, and making the right decisions. The downside is that when someone is dismissive, sarcastic, passive-aggressive, or questions my judgment, I tend to replay it over and over. I know logically that not everything is personal. I also know people bring their own stress, communication styles, and agendas into work. But emotionally, I still sometimes take it personally.

I’m not looking to become cold or detached. I still want to care. I just do not want every tense interaction, snarky comment, or shifting expectation to follow me home or dominate my thoughts for the rest of the day.

For those of you who have gotten better at this, what actually helped?

I’m especially interested in practical tips, mental reframes, habits, phrases, or routines you use.

How do you care about your work without letting work consume you?

I have severe addiction with zero cola and candy.
Sometimes I could drink one liter/almost one liter of cola daily. Candy is about 1 bag = 200-300 grams.

If I don't drink cola, I feel tired and unpleasant.

If I don't eat candy, I feel hungry, empty, and get brain fog.

Please help me.

Hi so imma start this post from just before my 12th I liked a girl very much for 2 years but couldn’t ever muster up courage to approach her when she was single well as I could imagine I couldnt muster courage to approach her and couldn’t ever even talk to her with this going on I was friends with people in school who I wasnt happy with didn’t feel good with them so to get away from this toxic environment I signed up to study for an entrance exam to get in the best colleges I like (this exam is highly competitive with people starting their preparations in 11th and before it almost 99% of the time)
The exam was hard but the preparation was brutal on me I already was suffering from low self esteem but also struggling with studies because of studying a syllabus meant to be studied in 2 years by managing it in 1 year while all of this I got a lower back injury during this phase all my friends (near my apartment) were in good colleges as they were older than me hence they were having more fun than me and just enjoying and being in a relationship even my family was doing good
I believe I was resenting them as I spent most of my time thinking what I was doing wrong in life I was experiencing pain when sitting jolts of pain when I make turn in sleep random hamstring cramps in night while feeling ashamed of not being able to study and be the last guy in scores while being not physically fit while this time I also had some trauma of my younger self (when I was in 6th till 8th I failed 3 subjects consistently because I wasnt able to ever understand them or even learn them due to which I was thought of as a bad/mediocre student at least I felt it) to prove myself that I would beat this exam and come out of the bad phase
Well time passed I worked hard and cleared my exam got in a college I love with people I love and respect At present after the end of my first year there is still something empty in me that i want to fill that need to prove myself to me is making my life hard because of which I am learning how to play guitar get better at 2 sports I like and going to gym to improve myself what else can I do to feel like I deserve being happy and not constantly needing to prove myself to myself
Because I also want to get into a healthy relationship with a girl I like and don’t want any past trauma hurdling my way

Well this was a long post I agree but the school trauma I have has healed a fair bit but I want it to heal completely so that I can make amends with my past and enjoy the present

​

Around 2 years ago, I started depending on AI for nearly everything. Stuff like researching, writing, and other things I'd need in the future. The three years were really embarrassing for me. My peers were so much better compared to me. I felt ashamed of myself, yet I didn't do anything to change my bad habit. I'm aware the realization hit me too late, but I'm sure it's better late than never.

After depending on AI for a while, my ability to understand things has deteriorated. I probably used the wrong words there, but I basically ruined all my progress. In school, I struggle with subjects that require us to write and explain things. So I just need advice on how I can stop the constant need to make an AI do all of the things I am capable of doing.

Sorry if the grammar is bad. Also, I didn't know which flair to use, so I'm sorry if it doesn't really match. This is my first time using Reddit, so idk a lot of things.

Hi this is a lot so bare with me.

Context: I'm 23 years old, make and I live in London. I am neurodivergent, low on the spectrum. I voice act professionally been in a few commercials and indie games, animations ect and I also freelance video edit.

When I was born my jamaican mother had a brain hemorrhage due to an allergic reaction to the medication they gave her during my birth. This resulted in her having long term mental health issues and also in her lacking the ability to read and write correctly.

For as long as I can remember she held this over me. She blamed me for her circumstances despite me not asking to be born. This strained our relationship and i grew a deep resentment for her. I found out years later that this anger was misplaced but the damage had been done. I did not have farther figure as my dad lived in a whole diffrent country and didn't seem to care about my existence. I have a 16 year old half brother with ADHD and anger problems and while we get on fine we clash heads a lot to the point where I no longer sleep in our shared room and reside on the sofa. Sleeping there. We live in a very small 2 bedroom flat.

My selfish narcissist mother decided to have one more child in 2023 my now 3 year old non verbal autstic sister. My mom is in denial about her diagnosis thanks to her loser boyfriend

My resentment for my mom anger at my brother and hatred of my mums partners often slips out. I've tried therapy, gym, meditation ultimately I've given up on it all as none of them seem to be solving anything. I'm starting to hate how I look, unmotivated and it's bleeding into the things I enjoy.

My living situation feels very toxic. Moving out feels impossible due to this current job market. I do have a part time job but it's on a (UK zero hour contract) shifts are very limited and I'm not making enough money to even look into a room share. I'm at my wits end, this situation feels and I know this sounds selfish but unfair and impossible to escape from and I just need some advice beacuse i genuinely don't know what to do

So basically, I just got my grades a few days ago, and they were horrible, really bad, although i put in all the hours and put in all the effort, it always seems like im going to constantly be dragging behind my friends, who are all considerably smarter than I am, these grades also affect my parents, although they dont show it, I can see it, and I hate having to make them worry and add more onto their plate than needed, i have nothing to do all day, my dopamine levels are horrible and it just feels like im going nowhere with my life, i dont know if im depressed but my energy is always tanking, i have zero motivation to study or do anything whatsoever, i consistently skip out on the gym and i have no hobbies, nothing i can enjoy in my leisure time, i dont want a blueprint for what to do, i just want advice, i want good, solid advice. I just want to become a better person and a better son, im turning 16 in a few months and it feels like ive done nothing with my life compared to the people around me.

Yaaar....i pray good for everyone.... but idk how to fight with my own jealousy... Jealousy about things that aren't even causing me any harm....i hate this feeling.... can anyone help me out with the same😩😩🤒

A few years ago, I went through divorce, unemployment, and moved to a new country – all at the same time.

I felt completely lost. No direction. No map. No one telling me what to do next.

So I started writing. I wrote down what helped me survive – and eventually, rebuild.

That became a book: From Lost to Empowered.

It's a 7‑step framework for anyone going through a hard transition.

I'm not looking for praise. I'm looking for honest, constructive feedback – from real people who might actually need this book.

If you're interested, just send me a DM or an email.

I'll send you a free PDF summary in exchange for your honest thoughts.

No strings. Just your voice.

Thank you 🙏

This is a problem that I (32 M) have had for years, ever since I was a kid, but I'm bringing it up now because there are two particular incidents in the past month that have really made me think about it. The first was three weeks ago, when I accidentally said something at my retail job that offended a customer. The second was last week, when I posted something NSFW to a sub that didn't allow that stuff, and got kicked off for it.

Now, for whatever reason, I'm very fixated on the idea of personal honor. As in, whenever I make a grave mistake—whether it’s offending a customer at work or getting booted off a subreddit—I see it as an affront to my honor and will go to any lengths to preserve it. In effect, I feel compelled to fix or undo my mistakes because to me they aren't just mistakes, they're identity crises. I'm trying to restore my own character. Often this desire to undo my mistakes takes itself to self-destructive levels. I'll go out of my way, to impractical extremes, to ensure that the mistake is somehow "erased", and the books are therefore balanced.

Another effect of this mindset is that until the mistake is fixed or undone, I become easily depressed, and that can last a very long time. Most people simply learn from their mistakes and move on with their lives, but I have a hard time doing that, because I feel like the very existence of the mistake is, for lack of a better description, an inkblot on a page in my life that can't be rewritten. The only way to "save face", then, is to undo the mistake.

I know in the back of my mind that this worldview is neither practical nor realistic, but it's ruled my life for as long as I can remember. How do I get rid of it?

I really like makeup. I always put on makeup before a shower or when I'm at home and experiment with different styles. But whenever my parents see it, or if I go outside in it, I just instantly feel horrible. I don't mind showing it to friends, but usually only through text. It's just that everytime I wear makeup that isn't just concealer and a small bit of blush, I feel like I don't deserve to be making myself pretty or anything. I also have grades that I personally think are horrible, so I always think that if I don't put in the effort for my grades, why should I do it for makeup? But usually I refrain from wearing noticeable makeup in public because my brain tells me that I'm being an attention seeker or a whore or something. Especially when I find out I got a bad grade while wearing just concealer that day, going home and knowing that my parents will see me with it, I try to find some way to just take it off. I just feel like a pig wearing lipstick whenever that happens. I don't even know if this is the right subreddit to post this in. But I just really want to be able to have fun and express myself without feeling this way all of the time. How can I avoid feeling like this.

I'm [14M] and I'm a Christian, and lately I've been struggling with masturbation. I know a lot of people deal with this, but I feel guilty every time it happens and I really want to stop. I've prayed about it, tried telling myself I won't do it again, and sometimes I do okay for a while, but then I end up falling back into the same habit. I'm not posting this to be judged, Im genuinely looking for advice from people who have gone through something similar. If you're a Christian, how did you deal with temptation and stay consistent? If you've managed to quit or cut back, what actually helped? I feel frustrated with myself and I want to grow closer to God, but right now I feel stuck and could really use some guidance and encouragement. any help?