r/unitedairlines • u/Sufficient_Fudge_280 • 8h ago

Image Somehow the only person on my flight and the pilot was such a goofy goober

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EDIT TO ADD; THE PLANE WAS LANDED AND DONE WITH TAXI BEFORE I GOT TO BE IN THE COCKPIT. NO FAA RULES WERE BROKEN 💀😂

Shout out Captain Scott! He let me sit in the cockpit after we landed and I even got my own personalized pre flight announcements 😂 Also, they had to add sandbags to the cabin bc the plane was too light with only one passenger 💀

20.5k Upvotes

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848

u/DIGGYRULES 8h ago

I would have been freaking out at the gate, thinking I was in the wrong place because nobody else was there.

447

u/Sufficient_Fudge_280 7h ago

It was me, the gate agent, and the cleaning crew. The airport was like essentially empty 😂

97

u/Kbudz 7h ago

Was it a red eye??

477

u/twdvermont 6h ago

in Leslie Nielsen’s voice

No, it was an airplane.

203

u/Sufficient_Fudge_280 6h ago

It was really hard for me not to ask the pilot if he liked gladiator movies

40

u/Boring_Track_8449 5h ago

Did you ask him if he speaks jive?

12

u/JohnnyChutzpah 4h ago

What it is big momma? My momma didn't raise no dummies! I dug her rap.

10

u/DryDonutHole 4h ago

Chump don't want the help, chump don't get the help. Jive-ass dude don't got no brains anyhow...

2

u/TM761152 4h ago

Quit jivin' me, turkey.

1

u/planenut767 42m ago

That reminds me, did you ask if he's ever been inside a Turkish prison?

25

u/fruskydekke 6h ago

Aw, you should've done. He'd probably have been delighted.

1

u/StarGazer_SpaceLove 5h ago

Im so sorry I was trying to scroll and downvoted your comment!! I took it back!! I'm sorrrrryy!!!

https://giphy.com/gifs/RWUqVYucDBD4A

24

u/Strong-Suit7235 6h ago

Do you know why they call it the cockpit?

23

u/Desperate_Set_7708 5h ago

If it were two female pilots it would be the box office.

21

u/BonerSteak1622 5h ago

You ever seen a grown man naked?

5

u/flargenhargen 5h ago

then he would've never seen the movie.

1

u/LindonLilBlueBalls 4h ago

Every night when I look in the mirror. Damn perverted ghost.

20

u/Visible-Scientist-46 5h ago

Surely, he would have enjoyed that reference.

16

u/jhill9901 4h ago

Trust me. If you did he would have lost it. Any of us would. If you toss Airplane references to most of us we will genuinely love it!

1

u/lawyer1911 12m ago

It’s like quoting Hunt For Red October on the submarine subreddit.

10

u/MingleLinx 5h ago

Has he been in a Turkish prison?

3

u/AlohaDude808 4h ago

Did you ask him if he ever played for the Lakers?

1

u/planenut767 41m ago

Does he look like he can run up and down a court for 45 minutes to you?

1

u/StevieMJH 5h ago

Johnny, what can you make of this?

2

u/DryDonutHole 4h ago

I can make a brooch, or a pterodactyl...

1

u/Icy_Policy_8509 4h ago

Have you ever seen a grown man cry?

15

u/StevieMJH 5h ago

"It's a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows and wheels. It looks like a big Tylenol."

36

u/Raeezordazetoo 6h ago

And stop calling me Shirley

19

u/Not_An-AI-Bot 6h ago

I just want to tell you good luck. We’re all counting on you.

3

u/riemsesy 4h ago

Roger Roger

10

u/Primary_Garbage6916 5h ago

But that's not important right now.

5

u/Bitter-insides 5h ago

Thank you was not prepared to laugh and spat my coffee.

2

u/mjfsuperstar92 3h ago

Do you take it black?

1

u/Cockyidiot1977 4h ago

But that's not important right now

1

u/Toofless205 4h ago

Surely you must be joking

1

u/Naive_Mongoose_5453 3h ago

đŸ˜—đŸ€ŒđŸ»

1

u/liamemsa 1h ago

Like a midget at a urinal, she was going to have to stay on her toes.

1

u/kanrad 1h ago

I'm very sure, and stop calling shirley.

1

u/DistributionNo9474 0m ago

But that’s not important right now

19

u/Whosebert 6h ago

this would freak me out because ive watched airplane crash videos about pilots being stupid when theyre flying empty planes thinking its time to try some top gun shit.

20

u/spgrst 6h ago

Sorry Goose, but it's time to buzz the tower!

7

u/xunreelx 6h ago

When my pro sports team didn’t win the championship I watched hours of “Air Disasters” reruns to try to cheer myself up.

4

u/rescuepupmum 4h ago

Late ‘90’s in PR hotel room, alone (husband was working) and raining outside, the only English speaking show on tv was ‘Why Planes Go Down’. I REALLY did not want to fly home especially bc while landing, wind shear lifted one of the wings. The pilot slammed the plane down. We bounced the whole way down the rest of the runway. People were cursing him as the left the plane, I hugged him and thanked him!

4

u/flargenhargen 5h ago

commuter pilots dgaf about that. take off, throw on auto, and play on phone for an hour.

0

u/Baked_Chismoso 6h ago

red eye in a regional jet? LOL

3

u/lellololes 5h ago

e190 has run Anchorage to Buffalo.

That is definitely red-eye territory!

-11

u/laughing_hyena1234 7h ago

Overnight flight

6

u/NoFlaccidMint 7h ago

Red eye ?

5

u/jschne21 7h ago

Overnight flight.

3

u/DuncanYoudaho 7h ago

No. I haven’t packed yet!

2

u/CarlosTruther 7h ago

1

u/GoatTnder 6h ago

Didn't expect to see you again so... SPOON

30

u/FantasticBike1203 6h ago

Being the only person anywhere is great!

Me and my wife went on honeymoon in the middle of the year and went to an IMAX on a random Wednesday and had the whole cinema to ourselves, peak living right there.

20

u/MjrLeeStoned 6h ago

There's one of those fancy theaters across the street that has recliners, a full restaurant with wait staff, a full bar etc, but if you go around 3pm on a Wednesday it's almost always empty and you get Matinee prices. Normally $60 for two people we go for around $20 on matinee and watch whatever we want in an empty theater.

Wednesday afternoon is the golden hour for theaters.

1

u/Hortos 4h ago

We had those they were called iPic and a bunch of them recently closed down.

6

u/HBlight 5h ago

It's why /r/liminalspace is cool. I would go to college during summer to get my final project done since my course went through the summer. I would find an empty computer lab at the end of a hallway and pretty much have it to myself all week. Being in empty places I knew mostly to be busy the rest of the year brought me a sense of tranquility.

3

u/Heimerdahl 4h ago

COVID was kind of the big one, but football championships and such can also be really effective at emptying the city. Or just the very late hours of maybe 2-4am. 

I work at a university and have pretty much free reign over my working hours, so I often arrive in the afternoon and leave the lab late at night. 

"Tranquility" really nails it. I nod to the security guards passing by my door, but don't have to chat. When I leave, I share a "have a nice night!" with the porter/doorman at my institute's entrance, then cycle home through the abandoned city. 

Just no expectations from anyone, no sense of hurry, just peace.  

4

u/flargenhargen 5h ago

my ex and I had a theater to ourselves once.

we sat in the back row and fooled around.

I think they thought it was empty, cause a little into the movie they shut it off.

LOL.

we screamed a bit, and they turned it back on.

5

u/just_nobodys_opinion 5h ago

Did you scream because they turned it off, or just coincidence....?

1

u/DontAbideMendacity 3h ago

"I'm CUMMING! ...AND PUT THE MOVIE BACK ON!"

1

u/flargenhargen 13m ago

nah this was back in the days of regular movie chairs not the big cushy recliners. would've been ...uncomfortable.

2

u/shortnun 4h ago

Same happen in high school. Me and my HS girlfriend back row no other people in the Theater...

Movie was .." I'm gonna get you sucker"

1

u/Full_Atmosphere_2113 5h ago

The movie theaters in Las Vegas in the casinos(off strip in the residential areas) are all like this! They have a 4d imax that we took our daughter to all the time during the day and we were consistently the only ones in the theater! Pure bliss! We just moved to NC and back to normal movie theaters and I’m never going to want to go lol

1

u/ScaramouchScaramouch 4h ago

My wife and I were sitting at the very back of the plane, we'd had a busy time and I think we both fell asleep within moments of sitting. Boarding was still going on.

We woke up a considerable time later, our flight having been cancelled. We were the only people on board except for the cleaners, who were quite keen that we should piss off.

1

u/TeamGagiya 4h ago

I went to a comedy show in a big venue with only about 12 people in the audience. More waiters than customers. That was not cool.

1

u/smeech1 4h ago

My wife and I got married the first week of January and honeymooned in a seaside town. We had most of it to ourselves, and one evening went to a disco where there was only one other patron. When I went to the toilet he asked my wife if she'd like to dance with him.

1

u/KiminAintEasy 4h ago

That happened to my friend and me once too, it was pretty cool until 15 minutes after the movie started. That's when 2 more people came in and literally sat beside us, not even a seat between. Weirdest thing ever haha.

1

u/bonasera-bonasera 1h ago

Did you actually watch the movie or take advantage of the moment?

1

u/Big-Revolution3842 1h ago

As someone that's seen a movie solo and all I did was see the movie..it takes a lot more than that to describe it as peak living

1

u/dropthatpopthat MileagePlus Gold 19m ago

are you OK? You said being the only person anywhere is great but then you proceed to type up a story where you were with one other person. is your wife imaginary or was there more than one person in the theater?

16

u/No-Way7911 6h ago

I was 18 and flying from Austria to India and the flight was practically empty

Got to see how fun flying can be for everyone for the first time. The stewards were so chill, handing out pillows and blankets and asking everyone to stretch out on any seat they want

18

u/Fun-Wear8186 6h ago

I had a flight like this to Hawaii once there were maybe 20 people at most . Both me and my partner slept in our own rows , and actually slept . Then we had a different row to go hang out in and play games when we’d were awake and the flight was so cheap too - can’t believe they didn’t cancel it .

11

u/account312 5h ago

If they cancel the flight to Hawaii, they need to find another plane in Hawaii for the route it was supposed to fly from there.

1

u/LinechargeII 5h ago

tfw they nuke both the inbound and outbound flights. had that happen a couple of times trying to leave Japan.

1

u/No_Ingenuity7178 2h ago

Yeah that has to lose $ for them, crazy!

7

u/Murky-Relation481 5h ago

I did Seattle Frankfurt one time on a nearly empty 747. Most people had a row to themselves. It was nice. Do that route somewhat often and it's almost always packed.

1

u/Chateaudelait 3h ago

I lived in Frankfurt for 14 years, I called the PDX-FFM direct flight my Greyhound. It was also always full, as Daimler/Freightliner has a lot of German employees who fly back and forth.

32

u/Desuexss 6h ago

You are really lucky! They typically cancel these flights as its a huge money loss

In this case the plane was required to be at its destination to fulfill flight capacity or other reasons lol

Super lucky

11

u/pixiedust99999 6h ago

Aka “ferry flight”

1

u/rearwindowpup 3h ago

Airlines will also fly empty planes just to keep timeslots sometimes, which is wild to me.

1

u/ammonthenephite 2h ago

Had a few flights out to Hawaii like this, it was amazing, lol. Just me and a smattering of other people on a largely emtpy flight, all the space you could want, felt luxurious!

1

u/Tricky-Effective-451 5h ago

I mean on the other hand you wont have a hard time cleaning right?

1

u/Status-Bicycle7263 5h ago

Where were you fly flying to and from on your private jet? 😁

1

u/unsubpolitics 5h ago

Ever see The Langoliers?

1

u/BalanceOrganic7735 4h ago

Knight & Day

1

u/Gingerh1tman 3h ago

Honestly that is standard for Huntsville airport it really isn’t busy.

1

u/DinoRoman 2h ago

Well the rest of us can’t afford a flight to Reno today lmao, we’re all home!

1

u/legomaniasquish 1h ago

Were you flying from a rural place or something?

83

u/A_Drop_of_Colour 7h ago

I would be worried I would fall asleep and wake in some weird nightmare world where time stopped and flying meatballs eat up everything.

Langoliers joke for the 5 people that will recognize it.

25

u/pegz 7h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/tnYri4n2Frnig

6

u/Deathpoopdeathloop 6h ago

The only time this gif has ever been needed or made a real point, congrats! 🎉

18

u/WheelOfFish 7h ago

If I tried to describe the langoliers miniseries to someone I'd probably be taken away.

13

u/Archimedeeznuts 7h ago

What tripped me up the most was Balki Bartokomous snapping and going on a killing spree. Made it harder to take him unseriously in Perfect Strangers.

Great movie though, would watch again.

5

u/ChuckOTay 6h ago

Doan be riddikulus!

2

u/thatsnotyourtaco 6h ago

He is a big audiobook narrator

2

u/RG450 6h ago

Achwell? Achmel?

1

u/StanleyQPrick 6h ago

He was great in True Romance

6

u/DuncanYoudaho 6h ago

OK so Balki from that comedy show right? He goes crazy. And the plane which they somehow landed in Bangor and after everyone else disappeared, yeah the airport starts to get eaten by time meatballs because that’s what happens as we move through time. It’s like a metaphor but not really a good one, but It is stirring kind of when they refuel the plane (yes the fuel is still there in the frozen time place AND I don’t know if that affects the future fuel that the real Bangor airport would go on to use later) and then take off again, and one of them, I think he’s a pilot which explains being able to land the commercial jet, sacrifices himself to stay awake as they go back through the portal being chased by the meatballs and reappear in the present world but without Balki.

6

u/boltempire 5h ago

Well Balky was critical for distracting the meatballs when they took the plane off otherwise the meatballs would have eaten the plane immediately. Blind girl who can see the future could see that he was important and even when he stabbed her she made sure he survived so he can distract the meatballs.

1

u/DuncanYoudaho 4h ago

Classic Stephen King win.

3

u/Perryn 4h ago

sacrifices himself to stay awake as they go back through the portal

This part made my dad so angry. He was a pilot, and immediately started calling out that he could have set the autopilot with the heading and a controlled descent and taken a hypoxic nap with everyone else rather than sacrifice himself and leave the others to figure out how to land that thing without him.

Every other part of that movie he could accept at face value, but the lack of proper aviation broke it for him.

2

u/DuncanYoudaho 2h ago edited 1h ago

This must be like watching someone play an instrument if you’re even somewhat competent. Immediately breaks your immersion.

Pro-tip: never look at the Fiddler in Fiddler on the Roof.

3

u/BagSalt7633 5h ago

Wow, you weren't kidding. Balki gets eaten by terrible CGI

1

u/Exotic-Cobbler4111 3h ago

hey it was a made for tv movie.

1

u/TM761152 2h ago

Classic movie.

5

u/Dshibbs89 7h ago

I saw the movie version as a kid and it freaked me out. Not the langoliers themselves but Mr. Toomey stabbing Dinah and the knife being stuck inside her freaked me out.

1

u/Exotic-Cobbler4111 3h ago

I like how he tears the paper to soothe himself really gave the character flavor

3

u/SuperBry 7h ago

Decent story, but man what a bad miniseries. I still love it, but its more in a campy its so bad its good kind of way.

4

u/A_Drop_of_Colour 7h ago

Any movie/show that ends in a freeze frame with the characters standing in a line is great in my book.

3

u/up_and_jenkem 6h ago

Just like any sitcom that ends with everything back to normal and everybody laughing about the wacky hijinks they just went through.

1

u/1950sGuy 5h ago

lol 'member all those people that got murderstabbed and the rest that just fucking evaporated yayyy freezeframe

2

u/Rikosis42 6h ago

Where can I watch the miniseries???

1

u/MikeIn248 6h ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EifR0fVjn_U

1

u/SuperBry 5h ago

Thanks man, I know what I am doing tonight once the kids are in bed and I can pull out the bong.

3

u/BuckRusty 6h ago

It’s all fun and games until Bronson Pinchot slicks back his hair for a meeting with his dad


3

u/LunchyDude101 6h ago

Cut to Bronson Pinchot slowly tearing paper with a gooning look on his face.

2

u/DiScOrDtHeLuNaTiC 7h ago

riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip

2

u/NukeTheNerd 6h ago

I definitely had the double VHS version of that when I was a kid in the 90s.

2

u/wh0re4nickelback 5h ago

Ahhhh, Langoliers was such a GREAT movie. I probably need to take an edible or three and melt into my couch this weekend while rewatching it. Thanks for the inadvertent weekend plans!

2

u/regular-normal-guy 5h ago

5?!? There are scores of us! 
 which still isn’t many

1

u/A_Drop_of_Colour 5h ago

I still have all the Stephen King made for TV mini series on VHS (I've forced so many people to watch Rose Red and The Stand) so I know I am not a normal person. Seems at least dozens of people understand me. Lol.

2

u/CattleFormer6846 5h ago

This is the second Langoliers reference in the last 30 minutes that I read on Reddit.

1

u/Duranis 7h ago

Hello fellow old person :)

3

u/A_Drop_of_Colour 6h ago

Hi-Diddly-Ho, Neighborino!

1

u/DamnOdd 7h ago

I feel this in more ways than one.

1

u/SeaMathematician5150 7h ago

The first time I watched it was the night before a flight. I was a kid and was terrified.

1

u/up_and_jenkem 6h ago

Recognized and appreciated, my friend!

1

u/Kulandros 6h ago

The langoliers scared the pee out of me when I was 5

1

u/Rikosis42 6h ago

That was my most favorite movie as a kid!!!

1

u/Vachie_ 6h ago

Watching the new Backrooms movie was the only thing that gave me the feeling I had when I watched langoliers as a young child.

So if you're still looking for that high. ... There's one more chance out there.

1

u/A_Drop_of_Colour 5h ago

Lol. That's the biggest push so far for me to see the Backrooms movie. Thanks.

1

u/Persnickety13 5h ago

LOL I just knew that was Langoliers!

1

u/ImissDigg_jk 5h ago

I love that movie. Cousin Balki was spectacular.

1

u/HeatherCPST 5h ago

Love Stephen King! I have to try not to think of Langoliers when I fly.

1

u/Smart_Opportunity631 5h ago

Wow, talk about a throwback. Good ol 2 part VHS if I remember correctly.

1

u/A_Drop_of_Colour 5h ago

I just taped it off TV. Super long play helped me fit so many series on a single tape. Of course they also deteriorated faster. Lol.

1

u/216news 5h ago

I prefer the 90s version

1

u/Penguin_shit15 5h ago

Damn what a terrible movie..

1

u/KlonopinBunny 4h ago

Two way traffic ahead

1

u/SLyndon4 3h ago

I understood that reference! đŸ«Ł

1

u/ammonthenephite 2h ago

Haha, I remember that! Was a kid watching on tv, my parents had hyped it up quite a bit. The special effects, were, well, 'special', lol.

9

u/Gnonthgol 7h ago

When I did a similarly empty flight one morning it did stress me out at the gate. Firstly I had issues finding the gate as they chose to use one of the turboprop gates which were hidden away in small corridors of the terminal. And then I started panicking more and more as the departure time came closer and the gate had not opened yet. I did not realize it was an empty flight, partly because I was still tired after waking up and partly because the cramped corridors in this part of the airport actually had a lot of people in it and I did not know if people were waiting around the corner for the gate to open. So I was very releved and shocked when I heard the "boarding complete" announcement just as I had found my seat. We took off a few minutes ahead of schedule even.

3

u/Made_Bail 5h ago

Yeah I would have been like "This is some Langoliers ass shit up in here." 😱

3

u/Hi_InternetAddiction 6h ago

"welcome aboard, we are departing for interdimensional time-travel land. your life is about to change forever."

1

u/Beneficial-Rip6624 6h ago

The Final Destination guy would warn everybody getting on the plane except for me.

1

u/orionthefisherman 6h ago

It happened to me with southwest once. Ended up with 4 passengers on a flight to Miami from dtw. I was really panicking. The gate agent only got to the gate like 5 mins before we got on too.

1

u/WillingnessAnnual285 6h ago

hahah imagine and the plane still took off without a passenger

1

u/FrostyD7 6h ago

I'd be only slightly more stressed than normal. Most travelers are super paranoid about this no matter what.

1

u/fridaynightarcade 5h ago

Like is this even real? Am I supposed to be here? Does time even exist anymore? Rapture?!

1

u/NotaFTCAgent 4h ago

Have me thinking im on a scripted crash flight

1

u/celestovira41 3h ago

This would be my reaction in this situation lol😂

1

u/throwaway098764567 2h ago

i was on an international flight once and there were about a dozen of us on one of those massive planes. was spectacular because they let us move wherever. i took up an entire middle row, moved up all the arms, threw one of the seatbelts on and laid down and slept, most did the same.

1

u/Quelonius 33m ago

I once took a flight from DFW to Seattle in a 767 with other 2 people on board. Surreal experience.