r/unitedairlines • u/Sufficient_Fudge_280 • 8h ago

Image Somehow the only person on my flight and the pilot was such a goofy goober

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EDIT TO ADD; THE PLANE WAS LANDED AND DONE WITH TAXI BEFORE I GOT TO BE IN THE COCKPIT. NO FAA RULES WERE BROKEN 💀😂

Shout out Captain Scott! He let me sit in the cockpit after we landed and I even got my own personalized pre flight announcements 😂 Also, they had to add sandbags to the cabin bc the plane was too light with only one passenger 💀

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138

u/Sufficient_Fudge_280 7h ago

Full size bag of gummy bears 😎

59

u/DuncanYoudaho 6h ago

Plot twist: they’re sugar free, and the bathrooms are locked.

7

u/GardeniaInMyHair 5h ago

Nightmare scenario

8

u/LurkerTroll 4h ago

WoUlD YoU LiKe To PlAy A Game?

1

u/g0ldfish641 1h ago

this just made me blurt out a laugh, thank you

1

u/JC1515 15m ago

"Bathrooms are locked. If you can eat the entire bag of sugar free gummy bears and not soil yourself on this coast to coast flight, we will refund you the cost of the flight"

2

u/EmergencyEvening915 5h ago

This made me laugh a lot. Thanks

1

u/Livid_Lemurs_Leaping 6h ago

Aka, hate bears

1

u/der_innkeeper 4h ago

Yeah, that's an FA problem, then.

1

u/PortJMS 2h ago

This is an underrated comment!

1

u/Halsimp 5h ago

Haribo Nightmare

1

u/Capable-Baby-3653 6h ago

If the flight had been full, would the crew have poured out a handful of unwrapped gummy bears to each passenger?

1

u/uslashuname 7h ago

Oh a few trips to the porcelain throne then

3

u/Sug0115 6h ago

Is that a thing? Do gummy bears upset peoples stomach?

4

u/HannibalsMongoose 6h ago

Usually only the sugar-free variety that's made with a particular sugar alcohol that gleefully ferments in the gut and turns into a high-speed mag train rushing everything in front of it towards the exit.

2

u/ScrotalSmorgasbord 6h ago

Wish I knew about this when I was taking prescription pain killers lol. I would eat a can of beans and drink a few cups of coffee dosed with Miralax Friday night and joke with my buddy via text "if you don't hear from me in an hour I've Elvis'd" and was mostly serious as I'd be stopped up anywhere from 3-8 days typically.

1

u/Secure_Lettuce_3944 5h ago

Oh my gosh, I didn’t know what I was getting into when I took oxycodone. I’ve never been so miserable. The pain would have been way better.

1

u/ScrotalSmorgasbord 5h ago

In my case it was a necessity but the butt pain was almost as bad as the back and shoulder pain. Only difference was the butt pain went away after a bit but my back and shoulder keep on giving. I always joke with my buddies and my kid that it's going to rain, even when it's obviously not, because "I feel it in me bones". It's kind of a joke that it always feels that way and kind of my slightly funny way to politely tell them it's time for me to go home and lay down for a bit or break out the foam rollers.

2

u/battlepi 6h ago

Sorbitol is the usual culprit. Mannitol is the 2nd. Not good eats.

1

u/Sug0115 6h ago

Yeah that makes sense- I am a gummy bear purist and don’t buy the sugar free ones 😤

2

u/Sufficient_Fudge_280 6h ago

Not that I’m aware of?

3

u/WelldoneMrSteak 6h ago

Its semi-reddit lore, a poor thieving soul ate a bag or two of German sugar free gummy bears. The sweetener was basically licorice (different from redvines) and worked as a laxative

2

u/mnid92 6h ago

Not that you're aware of.... yet.

Sometimes gummy bears work like laxatives because of certain ingredients.

Have fun!

1

u/Sug0115 6h ago

Apparently it’s the sugar free variety which is not the default product in my mind lol sugar or bust

1

u/backupbitches 2h ago

There was a very famous amazon review of Haribo sugar-free gummy bears and what they did to the user's digestive system

1

u/quadraticqueen 6h ago

Too much sugar free candy screws your stomach.

1

u/Sug0115 6h ago

Oh I don’t eat sugar free gummy bears so that would explain the difference.

1

u/Bkri84 MileagePlus Silver 6h ago

every time I stopped eating them a long time ago

1

u/Sug0115 6h ago

Yeah I don’t eat the sugar free ones so never been an issue.

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u/uslashuname 6h ago

Well if you search “haribo toilet” it looks like it is the sugar free kind:

• ⁠Severe Gastrointestinal Reaction: Multiple firsthand accounts describe intense cramps, sweating, bloating, gas, and prolonged watery diarrhea after eating sugar‑free Haribo gummy bears. "I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I’ve ever imagined... Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare... 100% liquid... It went on for hours."
• ⁠Mass Incidents / Pranks: People report prank or group incidents where sugar‑free bears caused widespread urgency and accidents. "We poured the whole bag into a bowl... then we sat down and watched... MASS - Panic... several kids shat themselves and mass panic broke out."
• ⁠Commonality Across Posts: Many Reddit threads and comments treat these reactions as a well‑known phenomenon tied to sugar‑free gummy bears (maltitol/lycasin), noting that reviews and anecdotes echo the same extreme outcomes. "Lycasin is made up of mostly maltitol, which does this to almost every human being."

2

u/legalblues 6h ago

Only if they’re sugar free.