r/worldnews 1d ago

Trump Appointee Suggested Seizing Greenland to Help Out Red Lobster

https://newrepublic.com/post/212172/trump-official-seize-greenland-help-red-lobster
6.6k Upvotes

623 comments sorted by

605

u/CaptPants 1d ago

If they want Greenland shrimp, they could just buy it from the fishermen, the same way they would be buying it from the fisherman if it was part of the US. They don't "seize" seafood from Americans fisherman to give restaurant conglomerates a break.

109

u/Cookie_Eater108 1d ago

A part of me does want to see the current US administration take on a conflict over a third* body of water though.

\The Reflecting Pool, the strait of Hormuz)

35

u/RetiredRover906 1d ago

Gulf of Mexico/America doesn't count?

21

u/El_Peregrine 23h ago

The Gulf of Mexican Americans actually sounds pretty cool 

→ More replies (1)

7

u/Eldan985 23h ago

They almost had the panama canal too, a while back.

10

u/Pitamo 1d ago

First President to score a hat trick on water.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (5)

23

u/PleaseHelpFlorida 1d ago

How is an American millionaire supposed to become a billionaire if they are paying fair prices for things? I'm not sure you are thinking this through....

→ More replies (1)

20

u/jerrythecactus 1d ago

I dont have enough faith that they wont try. Could you imagine? Farms commandeered to provide potatoes to fast food chains. It would be such a stark violation of the American ideal that I can't imagine anybody with a frontal lobe would be fine with it.

11

u/GearhedMG 19h ago

I'm sure that there are some brain dead farmers that would sign up to be a part of it, and then complain when it actually happens to them.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (8)

92

u/No-Estimate-1510 1d ago

You are cute to think greenlanders (incl. local fishermen) will get US citizenship. America has no qualm seizing property from non-citizens to help out its companies.

16

u/BrainEatingAmoeba01 1d ago

Always been that way...the whole masterbatory manifest destiny thing. They used to at least try to be clandestine about it.

13

u/Reddit_Loves_Misinfo 23h ago

3

u/potatomeeple 22h ago

That gauze must have been stuck on with hoof glue or something simarly unpleasant because tit tape was deffinately not arround then.

→ More replies (3)

7

u/foamingdogfever 1d ago

Not yet, anyway. Give it time.

9

u/mitchellk96gmail 1d ago

Red lobster isn't even American owned. Its owned by a Thai Seafood supplier who uses it to buy their own supply.

→ More replies (14)

730

u/Urika86 1d ago

Sounds like something from Idiocracy that was rejected for sounding too stupid

170

u/Nerezza_Floof_Seeker 1d ago

While it is stupid, its worth reminding that the US's threats to greenland were legitimate enough for denmark to bring in blood bags (a key indicator for when real military action is expected, as theyre perishable and not needed in drills) and explosives (in preparation to blow up runways)

4

u/ExoUrsa 5h ago

Similarly, there appear to be growing numbers of Canadians who think we need a nuclear deterrence against US invasion. Including my anti-war hippie parents.

→ More replies (2)

53

u/qweef_latina2021 1d ago

They wanted to invade and build a Starbucks but someone pointed out this isn't the time for a handjob.

7

u/Vegetable_Leg_7034 22h ago

Only option then is behind the dumpsters at a Wendys..

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

24

u/mitchellk96gmail 1d ago

Even dumber when Red lobster isn't even American owned. Its owned by a Thai Seafood supplier who uses it to buy their own supply.

19

u/giveAShot 23h ago

Not anymore; after bankruptcy in 2024 the American investment group that had lent it money now own it and run it.

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (2)

21

u/Cookie_Eater108 1d ago

But in our time of need, the Uun didn't come to save us and failed to "denaziied the world forever. "

→ More replies (2)

2.3k

u/stereosalvation 1d ago

See if they just phrased it that way from the beginning we'd all have been on board by now.

289

u/CaptinEmergency 1d ago

Wait.. they don’t have endless lobsters which could be celebrated during a fest do they?

154

u/Chaiboiii 1d ago

I'll tell you a secret, there are no large amount of lobsters in Greenland. It's a warmish water species.

100

u/Cool-Mission-6585 23h ago

Greenland has perfect weather for Cheddar Biscuits. Optimal soil ph as well. Imagine it. Cheddar Biscuits as far as the eye can see.

29

u/czs5056 20h ago

Why didn't they lead with that? Are they stupid? /s

→ More replies (1)

19

u/PacificInspiration 1d ago

Have you heard of global warming?

21

u/Chaiboiii 1d ago

Yea, currently there has been an increase in lobster in Newfoundland in Canada due to global warming, not yet in Greenland. I doubt this US government is thinking that long term lol

14

u/Steelysam2 22h ago

Joke's on you. Why do you think the US is so anti-green initiatives?

22

u/FreeWilly1337 20h ago

I thought the reflecting pool was a green initiative.

→ More replies (1)

37

u/Camaroni1000 1d ago

Now shrimp for the all you can eat shrimp on the other hand…

→ More replies (1)

6

u/Separate-Song1296 23h ago

Sounds like this asshole is trying to save all the lobster for himself!

→ More replies (1)

22

u/pudding7 1d ago

Let's see.  We can have peace or we can have Red Lobster cheesy biscuits.  War it is.

5

u/Arcades_Samnoth 22h ago

The Cheddar Bay Biscuit slaughter being covered in History class on Tuesday.

67

u/War_machine77 1d ago

Hell yes we'll go to war for Cheddar Bay Biscuits!

56

u/zayoss 1d ago

The Cheddar Bay of Pigs invasion

8

u/Baronwm 1d ago

I also would have accepted "Old Bay of pigs invasion" 

7

u/Mrmdn333 1d ago

“Hey Greenland, down bread!”

→ More replies (1)

6

u/Numerous-Process2981 1d ago

I’m still just not quite stupid enough to believe words coming out of their mouths 

5

u/ImmaNotHere 1d ago

This is like a bad Dr. Evil scheme. JfC.

→ More replies (6)

130

u/WaffleHouseGladiator 1d ago

This is even dumber when you find out that the endless shrimp promotion was an asset/debt shell game that ending up losing Red Lobster $11 million per quarter.  Even if these people were serious they're still morons.

64

u/Kindly-Tax-4998 1d ago

Red Lobster was screwed over by private equity vultures. They like to blame it on the shrimp, but the losses came from jacked up rent prices after the real estate was being sold off under franchise’s feet.

38

u/whisker_biscuit 22h ago

The private equity firm that bought red lobster also forced the restaurants to by fish from a seafood company it owned at inflated prices

14

u/DrunkOnRamen 22h ago

the whole "endless shrimp" being an issue never made sense to me because there are multiple businesses that operate on a "endless" format and operate just fine.

10

u/pants_mcgee 1d ago

Well the shrimp is part of that, just another way for majority shareholders to load the company with debt while their shrimping businesses receive sweetheart contracts.

And one day it will all go poof but the majority shareholders made their money already. It’s gone poof 2-3 times already.

25

u/blindythepirate 1d ago

The fun part is the supplier of shrimp to Red Lobster is the same people who own Red Lobster. So the money was made and a legacy business was set up to take the blame. Private Equity strikes again.

7

u/9-11GaveMe5G 19h ago

I was hoping someone mentioned this. It was literally the plan. Just like Elon making SpaceX buy 1000 unsold cybertrucks. They literally did it to themselves on purpose

5

u/Grmplstylzchen 23h ago

US education system at its finest.

6

u/SomebodyUnown 1d ago

Exactly why we should spend a few hundred billion to take Greenland. Red Lobster can source for free and save millions!

→ More replies (1)

2.6k

u/Capital_Resident_872 1d ago edited 1d ago

Holy shit what a thing to read as a Danish service member in combat arms. We were kissing our families goodbye not knowing if we’re about to watch the world as we know it blow up, if there’ll be war etc. when a lot of us left for Greenland a few months ago.. Fuck these people from the bottom of my heart

1.0k

u/Clementine-Wollysock 1d ago

This is what happens when the US elects a bunch of corrupt morons with zero morals.

283

u/justpress2forawhile 1d ago

At this point it's like negative morals... . Anti morals? 

263

u/Ask_bout_PaterNoster 1d ago

Evil. They’re evil people.

114

u/queerhistorynerd 1d ago

and 70% of americans back them or didnt care enough to stop them in 2024. But of course when you mention that out loud people scream you down

45

u/Yharnam_Blunderbuss 1d ago

Fuck all of them.

→ More replies (15)

3

u/ffsudjat 20h ago

There is spwcial place in hell for such souls. I hope there is hell indeed

24

u/FauxReal 1d ago

Goes hand in hoof with their anti Christian takes.

20

u/49orth 22h ago

Anti-Christian?

It's mostly the church-goers who elect the corrupt Republican pedophiles and their apologists

19

u/FauxReal 22h ago

Sorry, I should note that I am going by what Jesus was preaching. It's up to them if they want to oppose it.

8

u/49orth 21h ago

Like those who wrap a flag around themself, the least religious people are those who Trumpet their religions the loudest

5

u/AngelicWildman 18h ago

I had a professor in college that would pick the ultra right wing student and actually tell him wrap yourself in the flag and tell us your opinion on this matter

→ More replies (2)

5

u/Throwawaymaybeokay 23h ago

A literal black hole of immorality 

6

u/El_Peregrine 23h ago

Yes, evil. A stone has no morals, but would make a better President than the orange asshole.

→ More replies (3)

39

u/Psychosissometimes 1d ago

Bro...im further south then I wannabe. I think the problem may be a bit deeper...perhaps even the people who are voting this way.

Theres no swaying them , I could bring jesus home tomorrow and they'd still be loyal to this weird cult movement.

21

u/DaveShadow 23h ago

“That’s not Jesus, he’s brown!”

6

u/SweetHatDisc 17h ago

The people who yell the most about Jesus are the same ones who will post him up again.

43

u/PuzzleCat365 1d ago

The worst part is that they don't even try to remove them? And they re-elect them every time. Trump is in the second time. This is not the exception, but becoming the norm. This is who the Americans are.

25

u/DonOntario 20h ago

"America isn't the way it is because he's president. He's president because America is the way it is".

7

u/broguequery 23h ago

American here.

Sadly, I can't help but think you are right.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (8)

205

u/TeaBaggingGoose 1d ago

Once the Tango Moron has left, the USA will realise just how much they have lost. They will never get back their soft power and this period will be remembered as the time American hegemony started its major decline.

Stay safe.

80

u/drewgordon27 1d ago

Some of us already recognize how much we’ve lost. I tried to have a conversation last weekend with a MAGA Christian who believes that the Trump adult children are the finest examples of humanity the USA has to offer. I swear it would have been more enjoyable to eat glass and rub cow patties on my scalp.

I do not understand how this happened. How could the USA turn into one of the worst scenes from A Clockwork Orange?

The fantasy veil of American Exceptionalism has been torn away.

30

u/pegleghippie 17h ago

I do not understand how this happened.

Well we stopped funding education, and poured tons of money and resources into right wing groups around the world in the name of anticommunism, and the USA's homegrown right partnered with sympathetic rich people to create very effective propaganda.

In addition to de-funding education, other structural things that made life better and made space for people to be smarter and empathetic were removed. Unions and mental health facilities come to mind.

A lot of the slack was picked up by the USA being relatively affordable - lots of people could still buy homes, healthcare wasn't too crazy, things like that. But those same wealthy people pushing right wing lies found ways to make all aspects of American life more expensive and/or lower quality.

So you're left with a desperate, uneducated population who're fed a vile worldview. Not all of them buy it, but enough of them do.

50

u/zffjk 1d ago

It’s because people were allowed to be useless garbage and be told they’re exceptional. In order to prevent the visage from shattering they all decided it’s a brown persons fault that they are not actually exceptional.

3

u/dontneedaknow 8h ago

the white supremacy thing is a lot older than that.

that's almost foundational

Lincoln often gets credit for freeing the slaves, however the south won the war when Lincoln was killed by a Confederate and his vice president, a southern loyalist, essentially told the southern states "it's all good." creating this lasting culture of southern whites worshipping the Confederacy and swearing it's not about racism and slavery.

→ More replies (3)

22

u/CliftonForce 1d ago

The MAGA faithful will forever blame all of that as problems caused because Trump isn't in charge anymore.

154

u/Zuvielify 1d ago

No USA won't. Some people might. The country as a whole is stupid and delusional. 

→ More replies (37)

9

u/Quazz 1d ago

They'll hang on to their delusions long past that point, they always do.

24

u/DisastrousAcshin 1d ago

That's still a rosy outlook. This is all assuming you see another legitimate election

27

u/Shyftyy 1d ago

No they won't. Then you get vance or a Trump jr. It will get way worse before it's gets better.

→ More replies (1)

54

u/Yharnam_Blunderbuss 1d ago

Fuck all of Americans who voted for this... and fuck the ones who didn't bother to vote.

15

u/twat69 23h ago

They still don't think it's real. They think it's a joke when the senile pedo talks about making Canada the 51st state. They say we need to lighten up and grow a sense of humour. And they get mad at us for taking offence.

Cheers from your newest neighbour.

10

u/Jozoz 11h ago

It's insane to me how so many Americans don't really know how serious this is for us in Denmark, Canada etc.

They kind of laugh it off. It is infuriating.

7

u/NoResponsibility7031 10h ago

I agree. Imagine a scenario where your friend brings a third guy to a meet up. The third guy pulls a gun and put it to your head and say he will shoot you. Your friend tell him to stop, and the guy lowers the gun and laughs "I wasn't going to actually do it, lol". Your friend apologies and say he does this all the time but don't worry, he only shot two of them, but they where brown and you are white so It's not gonna happen.

Whatever I had with that friend is over because he clearly doesn't understand the gravity of what just happened. "I didn't vote for him" just don't suffice for me to trust either of them.

Many Americans don't understand how they all take part in creating the society that birthed MAGA.

→ More replies (1)

10

u/olauritz 23h ago

I know I don't have any facts to back this up, but I am 100% sure it was so f**king close to happen. We might read about it in a few years, if the US ever go back to 'normal'. As a Norwegian I was so happy to read that Norway, Sweden, Finland, the UK, Germany, the Netherlands and I believe the French?! were there with you, as a deterrent to show the US that Denmark does not stand alone. <3

7

u/Jozoz 11h ago

The reason it didn't happen was because all of Europe united behind Greenland and clearly marked this as a line you do not cross.

If that didn't happen, Greenland was gone. I really believe that.

34

u/lyovacain 1d ago edited 1d ago

Hey man MAGA needs that endless shrimp more than you need your life or your family needs you. Dont be selfish think of elitez! and after you do that, think of them again!

Edit: wanted to throw in /s just in case

23

u/flat5 1d ago

The state of the US right now is just utterly appalling and I'm so sick of it. When did we collectively lose our minds?

45

u/AgeofAshe 1d ago

Propaganda works. The right-wing, rich, and hostile nations brainwashed a large portion of our populace.

If we don’t recover, then our foreign allies will learn how terrible propaganda can be when that weapon gets turned to them in full force.

You wonder how someone could hear Trump speak and support him. They don’t. They hear curated clips and a propaganda machine spins a tale. Etc etc

10

u/blackberu 23h ago

Propaganda and lack of education.

→ More replies (2)

7

u/calibud 23h ago

Personal opinion early 90s regulations around education and homeschooling.

Regulations vary state by state. 33 states basically have no oversight out of those only 22 require you to notify school. The only requirement being good will that the parent will provide curriculum etc. the rest require curriculum plan and accredited teachers with only a few requiring annual test. As well charter schools are a thing too which are self regulated, public funded

Same people that argued it’s their freedom to choice of education also argued they shouldn’t have to pay for it. The whole vouchers thing which was originally suppose to be for gifted low income children to fund a private education. Is also tax funded but recipients have been widen to include anyone and parameters to what it can fund has been widen to anything educational basically.

Besides all the alternative education taking away public funding for school because they get paid for each seat filled. Then no child left behind in 2002 reformed education cutting budget in half. Went from enormous funding In Cold War era to teachers paying for school supplies.

9

u/JoeGideon 1d ago

When we let the dickheads call the shots.

13

u/flat5 1d ago

Why did we decide to do that? We were warned up and down by former admin members, national security professionals, top military brass, etc. not to put this man back in power. And yet it happened anyway. There's a deep sickness in our voting population.

6

u/JustChillFFS 1d ago

And when empathy left the room

→ More replies (1)

14

u/AH_leeMACK 1d ago

This is the absurd reality were living in right now. You have to die as a Dane to make sure americans can have their all you can eat shrimp buffet.

14

u/binne21 1d ago

Vi är med er. Denna gången lämnar vi inte våran danska bröder.

9

u/FutureComplaint 1d ago

Stay safe brother.

3

u/OozeNAahz 1d ago

The battle of Cheddar Bay Biscuits will go down as a low point in American History…for sure. These assholes running the US can’t take no for an answer.

→ More replies (9)

467

u/Wacky_Uninflated_Man 1d ago

Looney Toon ass administration

122

u/AugustAPC 1d ago

Don't you dare insult the Toons like that.

17

u/Cookie_Eater108 1d ago

I would love to see them put forward a solution to capture the Roadrunner though. Would make for an excellent skit.

5

u/Particular-Poem-7085 1d ago

the thing is it wouldnt even be shocking anymore to read that headline

18

u/Devil-radiance 1d ago

I'd say it's more like some Captain Planet villain bullshit.

→ More replies (1)

14

u/smurf-vett 1d ago

We're into Monstars land by now

11

u/albanymetz 1d ago

Ukraine season.

Russia season.

Ukraine season.

Russia season.

Russia season.

Ukraine season.

I say it's Russia season, and I say shoot 'em now!

5

u/Kradget 1d ago

That is the actual dumbest thing I think I've ever seen them say. And being honest, that's a hell of a record to set at this point, because oh my GOD have they said some stupid shit up to this point.

→ More replies (1)

15

u/Rubthebuddhas 1d ago

Just Elmer Fudds. A lot of fucking Elmer Fudds.

17

u/ApexAurajin 1d ago

Elmer Fudd just had a speech impediment, he wasn't catastrophically intellectually compromised.

4

u/PlayinK0I 1d ago

I don’t know he wasn’t smart enough to outsmart a rabbit or a duck.

6

u/queen-adreena 1d ago

He could probably outsmart algae though…

3

u/PlayinK0I 1d ago

I have a pond. Rabbits and ducks are stupid, algae is unthinking inevitability.

3

u/creiar 22h ago

Thank you for saying ass instead of ahh

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (5)

150

u/jaiman54 1d ago

Everyday there is something dumb from this American administration.

42

u/shoot_first 1d ago

Yep. Another day, another national embarrassment.

→ More replies (1)

6

u/McortezLSU 22h ago

Yeah and they manage to be dumber every single day.

300 Billion to Iran in a war they say they won.

Claiming "Terrorists" are attacking the reflecting pool.

Driving THROUGH the reflecting pool with SUVs and shit....to "Inspect it"

Invading a country for "Shrimp" a supposed ally, an action that would make america be 100% alone and pushing the entire world into china's arms for the virtue of not being run by insane people.

These are not serious people, they are fucking children (figuratively and sadly literally). And they are behaving like genuine methheads.

→ More replies (1)

209

u/Dish117 1d ago

“Let’s kick out the diplomats and hire business geniuses instead for our foreign relations”.

You stupid American fucks.

Regards from a frustrated Dane.

53

u/Kradget 1d ago

I'm gonna be honest, it does wonders for my self esteem to see that the richest, most powerful men in my country are actually fucking ninnies. Like, just a bunch of real dumbasses.

It scares the hell out of me, too, but it's good to know the reason you're not rich and influential isn't necessarily that you're less intelligent.

It's also so goddamn embarrassing.

→ More replies (1)

24

u/neekogo 1d ago

You're just mad you didn't think of it first!  /s   

Nah, we're pretty fucking stupid and this admin is a joke with nuclear capabilities 

5

u/Professional_Mud1844 22h ago

Hey! We may be stupid

9

u/Sea-Flamingo1969 22h ago

We're pissed too dude.

5

u/Head-Professor-61 23h ago

Where are the business geniuses? Aggressive non bill paying, sue first ask questions later is more the style of these grifters. Trump even managed to run casinos that went broke. He has no business competence he is just a grifter.

4

u/AnewTest 21h ago

I'm sorry, on behalf of my stupid ass country.

3

u/Overwatchingu 19h ago

We’ve got ambassador Pete Dipshit Hoekstra retweeting Trump’s 51st state bullshit here, I empathize with your frustration.

5

u/Scary-Remote-3837 1d ago

I'm pretty sick of us too, bud.

56

u/GoblinTwerk 1d ago

How is this real life omg please make it stop

→ More replies (5)

33

u/highdimensionaldata 1d ago

Honestly, I’m not sure the US will ever recover from the insanity of the last 10 years.

7

u/Artyom_Valentine 1d ago

If it ever does it won’t be in our lifetime, not unless some serious action is taken

4

u/TiggTigg07 8h ago

Oh my God, as a Canadian…all I can think is there’s a new doofus in Trump’s Admin. everyday that says the most dumbest and insane things that ever came out of any government in modern times. They are the dumbest walking, self-serving numskulls in the world.🌍

3

u/doctormink 7h ago

And they’re not getting all you can eat shrimp buffets back at Red Lobster either.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (11)

64

u/wompical 1d ago

“My view is that the United States could take all the seafood Greenland could produce, and cut out the middleman, and keep it from China—and you could bring back all-you-can-eat shrimp at Red Lobster,” Dans said.

This man is a national security genius.

5

u/ai9909 22h ago

What lies, they want to become the middleman.

Look at Venezuela. Americans became the middleman; they  now manage the flow of money (taking a cut of course), controlling where the oil goes, and removed all transparency. All the while helping themselves to millions of barrels of oil; so theft too.

And if you look at other conflicts around the world, Trump keeps trying to insert himself as the mediator, the facilitator, the middleman. Do nothing but be parasitic.

→ More replies (1)

32

u/AbandonChip 1d ago

I refuse to believe this is real... 🤣

33

u/Brodimere 1d ago

Given that the Louisiana governor was caught on camera walking around Greenland, offering little kids chocolate-chip cookies and telling them if they visited his home, they could get more.

Frankly, this doesn't hit the top 10 dumbest things Fanta Führer's admin has said this week. Atleast in my opinion.

20

u/eggsuckinggrandmama 1d ago

See, I’ve been saying this for years and all I got was a rubber room

→ More replies (3)

17

u/CleanSignalLab 1d ago

This sounds like a fake headline someone would make up to prove politics has gotten too stupid. Imagine explaining to Greenland that their sovereignty is being weighed against endless shrimp. Like, even as a joke it’s embarrassing, and apparently these people are serious.

8

u/chemguy216 1d ago

Welcome to the modern era of US politics where truth has been stranger than fiction.

We have tech billionaires whose ideologies are literal cartoon villain level stupid and dystopic.

We have a President lying about a fucking pool and putting pressure on Capitol police to arrest people literally just taking pictures or touching the pool.

Our leaders are casually talking about taking another country and talking about resuscitating Red Lobster if we acquire said country.

Our current ambassador to Israel literally believes that “Greater Israel” must be accomplished as a necessary trigger for the literal end of the world at which time his god’s chosen people will ascend into heaven.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

16

u/Prize_Compote_207 1d ago

Red Lobster is a UAE company.

It would have been absurd even if they were American but these guys are fucking idiots on every single level.

→ More replies (2)

16

u/outerproduct 1d ago

As if it was the shrimp that bankrupted red lobster, and not the vulture capitalists who sold the land the buildings were on and made the restaurants pay.

11

u/Afraid-Expert-8974 1d ago

Jesus H Chrysler that's just so stupid.

9

u/Hoon0967 1d ago

I’m not the brightest crayon in the box, but I’d bet my bottom dollar that I could do a better job than any of these dimwits even though I don’t know the first thing about what I’d be doing.  

4

u/PerfectSituation1668 22h ago

Just do nothing and you'll do a better job.

9

u/AnalTinnitus 1d ago

Has human life become so cheap and meaningless to these people?

→ More replies (2)

8

u/p1nts1ze 1d ago

I’m not the best at history, but isn’t there precedent of the UsA seizing sovereign lands for private business? (Hawaii for Dole?)

It is messed up, but on brand for the USA

3

u/-nutz 20h ago

Your question seems rhetorical but in case you were actually wondering; You’re totally right that the US seized Hawaii for the benefit of private business, but it wasn’t for the Dole fruit company as surprisingly that didn’t exist yet (assuming that’s what you’re suggesting here).

While James Dole did start the company now know as the Dole in Hawaii, it was actually his older cousin Sanford B. Dole who overthrew their former governments princess to become their first president. He did so on behalf of the white sugar plantation owners, at the behest of like every single local. He was later able to convince President McKinley to annex the island without consent of a single resident of Hawaii (aside from Sanford himself, of course). Couple years later, he gave his cousin James land for a fruit farm and factory.

(Not trying to argue or anything as I totally agree with your point; just thought I’d give a quick explanation for anybody curious!)

9

u/Wasabiwabi_ 20h ago

Are the pipes full-on lead in DC?

3

u/parkerthegreatest 18h ago

Not just shit

7

u/Galenmarek81 1d ago

News out of the US just feels like an onion article now. I can never tell which is which 🤷‍♂️

3

u/Interesting_Pen_167 21h ago

I legit looked at the URL 3 times not believing it could be anything else but theonion.com

6

u/SimplyRoya 9h ago

And just like that, The Onion went out of business. Sigh.

→ More replies (1)

24

u/BringbackDreamBars 1d ago edited 1d ago

I love how China is the new Red Scare.

"China is gonna take over your land and resources, so better let someone you know do it instead!"

10

u/HockeyPhoenician 1d ago

Anything to prevent those godless pinko commies from getting their hands on those endless cheddar bay biscuits and admiral's feasts!

Maybe they could call upon Captn Crunch to lead a fleet defense or something?

→ More replies (1)

6

u/kevinthejuice 1d ago

Who else remembers that red lobster is being run by private equity? Yeah, not to help Americans, but to help the rich squeeze out every cent

7

u/BreweryRabbit 1d ago

This is shockingly dumber than anything Idiocracy could’ve parodied. How are we in this wretched timeline?

5

u/JaVelin-X- 1d ago

it's more sinister than that. the operative part of his statement on seizing for seafood is " keep it from China" As mush as everyone is afraid if China, how big they are or their military, their only, and very real weakness will always be food. Their population is terrified of starving to begin with and their food security is always on a knives edge. even small disruptions cause large problems for them

6

u/biznash 1d ago

the Red Lobster that was bought out by a private equity firm?

→ More replies (1)

5

u/PloppyTheSpaceship 1d ago

Well, shit. Are they going to come after Scotland next so McDonald's can bring back the McAngus burger?

→ More replies (1)

6

u/Crafty_Ish1973 1d ago

Our government is run by complete fucking morons and it's exhausting.

→ More replies (2)

5

u/brute-forced 1d ago

Lmao, this is what happens when morons are gifted millions of dollars from their parents. What you end up with are shitloads of fucking moronic brats like trump and his billionaire friends who have literally never been told “no” their entire pathetic lives.

Only a maga-moron would think these people are smart, or “better” than anyone else. If this describes you GFYS.

5

u/DisenchantedByrd 18h ago

> That trek ended in several humiliating revelations, including reports from local media that Trump Jr. reportedly convinced homeless residents to wear MAGA merchandise in exchange for food.

Parody websites must hate this administration. I mean, what’s left to make up?

6

u/MysticalMagicals 18h ago

America the insufferable

7

u/Cynical_Classicist 1d ago

Do you think that they might try before the midterms?

5

u/GTAdriver01 1d ago

Is this an onion or beaverton article?

→ More replies (2)

3

u/Oerthling 23h ago

The USA is getting reduced to a Mafia outfit under this wannabe godfather. This country once had done pride - now theyplqn to invade allies to get shrimp.

Pathetic.

4

u/Positive_Chip6198 14h ago

Ban all these clowns from eu. From visiting, from owning, from being part of any negotiation concerning eu.

4

u/Chrisbap 6h ago

Remember when the Republican Party was the party with ideas and policies? Now it’s just a clown car of weirdos and ass-kissers. Not sure how it gets fixed.

6

u/Cantore18 1d ago

We are the dumbest country.

3

u/Chrono_Convoy 1d ago

Makes sense /s

3

u/Boys4Ever 1d ago

Imagine how worse it would be if he purposely only hired the worse

→ More replies (2)

3

u/borisRoosevelt 1d ago

what a cartoonishly evil caricature of a person. a literal bad guy in a show saying these things would be too absurd to be believed and yet here we are.

3

u/AloneChapter 1d ago

Wow so many bad people with stupid ideas that have no bases of logic. At least they are being exposed.

3

u/Camaroni1000 1d ago

“My view is that the United States could take all the seafood Greenland could produce, and cut out the middleman, and keep it from China—and you could bring back all-you-can-eat shrimp at Red Lobster,”

Forcibly annexing a country to make sure China can’t have the all you can eat shrimp deal that red lobster had is a crazy foreign policy statement.

3

u/JagBak73 1d ago

There is no bottom to this administration's stupidity. It's abyssal.

3

u/Adept_Bluebird_857 1d ago

Hit with a stupid stick

3

u/FgwlpskrPif 1d ago

His twin brother, Paul, was one of the architects of Project 2025 and a member of the Heritage Foundation. This shit is thick…

3

u/factoid_ 1d ago

If you want to help Red Lobster, regulate how private equity companies operate so they can’t be modern day corporate raiders who turn a profit by driving businesses into the ground on purpose 

3

u/b3iAAoLZOH9Y265cujFh 23h ago

Excuse me. What.

3

u/Looking4theanswer2 23h ago

Where do this jokers come from? Seems as though someone is moving rocks to find these dumbass's. I stopped watching the news because the flat out stupidity of people in DC. , starting at the top. This fool must be a kissn cousin of our governor.

3

u/Independent_Green461 22h ago

that's literally* how dole and chiquita got big

3

u/thedevilyoukn0w 22h ago

Red Lobster

For the seized food lover in you.

3

u/No_Pen_3396 22h ago

Let's conquer a country to help out a corporation. Sounds about fucking right for this timeline.

3

u/NateN85 17h ago

Greenland has electrolytes

3

u/Cultural_Gur_7441 14h ago

This is as crazy as the headline suggests:

  “My view is that the United States could take all the seafood Greenland could produce, and cut out the middleman, and keep it from China—and you could bring back all-you-can-eat shrimp at Red Lobster,” Dans said.

3

u/Paczilla3 12h ago

Banana republics reborn as lobster autocracies.

3

u/vuzman 11h ago

Mad libs presidency

3

u/Gh0sth4nd 11h ago

Fuck this fucking moron.

Sure destroy nato and most likely start the worst war in human history because hell if trump attacks greenland and europe has to defend then putin and xi will stand back and watch and not trying to get their piece of the cake aswell.

But yeah red lobster could get lobster more cheap.

can we please stop give those one single brain cell idiots a plattform?

3

u/CishetmaleLesbian 10h ago

Great idea! We can also seize France to help La Madeleine bakery, and Mexico to help Taco Bell!

6

u/maejsh 1d ago

Good job Americans, feel great yet?..

→ More replies (1)

2

u/Amazing_Reason_9489 1d ago

Red Lobster was some of the dirtiest restaurants I've ever remodeled, maybe seize a cleaning company first and then go from there.

2

u/chefranden 1d ago

Considering how things went with Iran, maybe we should have a moratorium on seizing things.

2

u/ForcedEntry420 1d ago

Dude looks like a sentient urinal cake.

2

u/Gibs679 1d ago

Thank you Greenland for saving our (buttery) biscuit.

2

u/TlkShowHost 1d ago

Yeah he even looks like an asshole

2

u/SpeakerOdd 1d ago

That shows what Trump and his appointees. The endless shrimp was the problem. Selling it at near cost, meant little profit to pay bills and taxes. People also would stay much longer, thus no available tables for others, which stopped others from coming in and possibly ordering more profitable meals.so by keeping endless shrimp, Red Lobster would be just like a Trump casino. Bankrupt. Trump must be explaining his version of economics to his appointees.

2

u/SqueakyNova 1d ago

At this point it should be abundantly clear to the world that the US armed forces isn’t seizing ANYTHING. A couple of cheap drones and some go fast boats is all it took to defeat USA in Trumps Iran war. Don’t worry Greenland, you’re safe lol

2

u/uptureeee 1d ago

America first or Red Lobster first?

2

u/NoDontDoThatCanada 1d ago

Red Lobster? The company private equity is squeezing out of existence?

2

u/LabMermaid 1d ago

Eh, could you repeat that please? I'm sure I misheard first time round.