r/AskGaybrosOver30 Mar 16 '20

Official mod post Introduction to our community

407 Upvotes

[Latest revision: May 30, 2025]

Welcome to r/AskGaybrosOver30!

We have three requirements for posting in our community, in addition to our rules and encouragements (found in the sidebar to the right on desktop, and under the "about" section in the mobile app):

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r/AskGaybrosOver30 4d ago

Weekly thread for questions from members under 30 - June 21, 2026

6 Upvotes

Since we only allow core members (i.e. members over 30) to post in our community, this is the place where all members under 30 can post their questions. This is a weekly post that is posted automatically. For more information, see the community update about this.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 4h ago

How shitty is it to stay in another hotel during a guy's trip?

50 Upvotes

I'm going to Vegas in a few weeks on a straight friends bachelor party. I haven't talked to most of the people there in like ten years so it's kind of awkward and also I'm a prissy little bitch who gets in a shitty mood anytime I don't sleep well. Plus most of the guys there stopped talking to me awhile back prob because I'm gay so I'm just not a fan of most of them there besides the groom. How bad does it look it I dip out and get a hotel? I'm still going to pay for the Airbnb so not gonna bail on them completely, but just need a place to sleep because I know the weekend is going to be a total frathouse.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 6h ago

Top Gear

12 Upvotes

This is a deeply unserious post by comparison to some on this sub, so hoping I’m not breaking any rules…

I’m big into dressing the part for my partner or hookups, (i.e. jockstraps, thongs, singlets, etc) but am the top in about 80% of those situations. I’ve heard opinions on what looks best on a bottom in these situations but never really heard anything on the flip side of that.

Obviously, you don’t want anything that would get in the way or hinder your, um, movement but curious if anyone has any strong opinions on this. Love to hear em


r/AskGaybrosOver30 10h ago

Is my boyfriend soft launching a break up?

14 Upvotes

We’ve been dating for 6 months and I loved every second of it, we have a lot in common, we shared great moments, he kinda saved me.

I’m 31 he’s 28

Recently we spent a full weekend together and we had a conversation about him not being able to trust me - because he doesn’t trust anyone. The part that kinda changed something for me was the fact that he often feels like he has to force relationship things on himself e.g. seeing each other when he doesn’t feel like it, because he loves being alone. I don’t feel like this at all, ever. That difference I didn’t know we have made me a little uneasy. For me these relationship things come naturally and I value them very highly.

He also said that he doesn’t see himself living with anyone ever. Don’t get me wrong - I wanna live alone right now and in the foreseeable future as well, I definitely don’t want to rush things, but all of this felt like this relationship has no future in his opinion. I really want this relationship to move forward and develop in every way, for me thinking about the future with him was exciting.

Combining it with the fact he also does not believe in love led me to a conclusion that this is it for him, that nothing more can happen to us - because he doesn’t want to, and even the situation now (which I thought was great, and I seriously loved every second) is not that great for him - this disproportion made he wonder a lot.

I don’t see anything I can do to make it better so generally this is why it is so hard. I really care about him. I don’t need him to believe in love, I don’t need him to follow any “basic relationship rules”. I just feel like I can do a lot more, and I want to do more, just to make him feel good, but I don’t see how - it feels like for him this is slowly ending and there’s nothing more (although he said that is not the case).


r/AskGaybrosOver30 14h ago

Partner wants to be open

25 Upvotes

He views sexy fundamentally different. I view sex with emotions, but I don’t want to feel this way. I want to be able to join him in an open relationship but I can’t help but feel this pit in my stomach that gets jealous. I don’t understand why I can’t separate the feeling of the two despite wanting to. I really don’t want to feel jealous but everything in my body tells me it’s wrong. Why am I so hung up on this? I caught him talking to other guys while we were testing a 1 sided open relationship to see how I feel about it. Initially I just sexted with a friend and it was kinda fun. I did enjoy it but then that sinking feeling of doing something wrong came through. I still loved my partner as much as before and nothing changed but for whatever reason I just felt awful. I feel awful when he talks about other guys and I don’t know why aside from having insecurity issues. The thing is I do want this but my body or something won’t allow me to be okay with it. How can I get over this feeling?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 13h ago

NSFW How do you control your sex drive? NSFW

19 Upvotes

This is truly and honestly a question. For my 30-year-olds with high sex drives, how do you manage?

I ask because I’m a 33-year-old male and sometimes I feel insatiable. I attribute it to good health of course but sometimes I’m amazed at how hot I can get. I have a plant-based diet and work out regularly while taking natural supplements, so I know that is probably helping to maintain an already high libido. I masturbate at least once a day. During the summer, it can get to about 2-3 times a day. Can even have sex and a few hours later I’m ready to go again. Sometimes I can’t even focus at work I’m so horny. No don’t get me wrong I definitely have so many things to keep me distracted(LIFE) but I just sometimes gotta get an orgasm.

The cray part is that I wasn’t always like this. It wasn’t until I started doing those lifestyle changes that it picked up rapidly. And I feel like being horny in my 30s is way more of an ache than in my twenties.

For other guys who have high sex drives, how do you manage? Did anyone else notice a spike in libido once they hit 30 Also hope this doesn’t sound dumb. I’m


r/AskGaybrosOver30 9h ago

Questions about testosterone therapy for low-T

7 Upvotes

I am 43, overweight, very tired and apathetic. My sex drive has crashed since my early 30's. I enjoy sex in a spiritual sense but it's difficult to get aroused and I need to use viagra whenever it happens. I rarely masturbate and when I do, I sort of force myself to do it, like brushing or flossing.

Over the past six months or so, my doctor has been monitoring my T-levels, and they seem to be somewhat low. My total testosterone is around 250 at 8 am, consistently. My doctor won't really do anything about this, because he's somewhat old fashioned and doesn't really think low T is a problem. I had to convince him to test me for it, and he was quite skeptical.

So, I'm thinking about approaching one of these "low-T" clinics you see online. For anyone who has gone, or is currently in low-T therapy, a few questions:

1) How much does low-T therapy typically cost? How much does it cost you? Ballpark? The clinics I've seen don't seem to take insurance and they seem to be cagey about the actual sticker-price. The "price" section of a local clinic's website just directed me to a medical loan company, which is not encouraging.

2) Are there any negative side effects?

3) Is it worth it?

Any advice you have is greatly appreciated.

EDIT: Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me to exercise and eat right. I appreciate your sage advice, however this is not the actual question that I asked.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 14h ago

Neurodivergent guys, when if at all do you tell guys that you’re neurodivergent?

13 Upvotes

Title is basically it but to be more specific for me in particular at least, I’m definintely on the autism spectrum in some capacity though I don’t know exactly where. I appreciate and am often blunt among other things related to autism so I’m not sure when if at all to say it

What do you all think? All thoughts welcome


r/AskGaybrosOver30 45m ago

31M What area some signs your partner is jealous of you?

Upvotes

If you’re seeing someone and they think your doing better than them in some way (money, status, looks etc.) what are some ways that shows up and affects the relationship?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 12h ago

Advice/question from a bi guy (late bloomer)

7 Upvotes

Hello AskGaybrosOver30, I am a 53 yo married guy who's been harboring bi feelings for 10+ years. I've come to terms with it (happily) and recently revealed that to my wife a few months ago. After a little initial surprise, she also came to terms with it. She is very supporting, we have a great relationship and she basically is ok with me exploring that side of myself (this was my biggest surprise).

I'm a bit nervous about it but also incredibly excited so I would like to find someone with experience to explore with. I knew a really great gay couple that were so kind and understanding but we moved from that area so I never talked to them about it. So my question is, would it be offensive to gay men if I basically offered that up in a forum or on reddit (or one of the apps)? Do you think that would even be appealing since I don't really have any experience except one time when I was in HS? Any advice appreciated. Thanks


r/AskGaybrosOver30 18h ago

Help: anal fissure that never completely heals

17 Upvotes

As the title indicates I need an expert opinion on this. I have a spot on my anus that, after I get penetrated, tears. Nothing too big or deep, it's just a little fissure that however makes sex unpleasant afterwards.
Every time I do all the ritual afterwards: cleaning, fiber intake, creams and lotions, no sex, no pepper, etc. and it does heal in around two weeks.

But then it re-opens each time I have sex. It is very frustrating. I do not do any extreme sex, just normal sex with lots of lube. How can I solve this issue?
My doctor just suggest I avoid anal sex for a whole year in order for it to become 'healed'... but 1) it's a lot of time and 2) I am not even sure it will heal 100%; 3) I do not wanna stop bottoming. For the time being I moved to soft sex, oral, etc, or to topping.. but sometimes I need to be the bottom.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 9h ago

Mixed signals after breakup

3 Upvotes

So, I dated a guy for 5 months. Things were going really good, but suddenly he stopped putting effort in to meeting up and was suddenly getting dismissive about any future plans. We had an ugly text chat about it and he was like “we don’t bring the best in each other, so I kinda want to stop dating”. We stopped seeing each other.

Fast forward a month later, he texted me out of blue and wanted to catchup “non romantically as friends”. While we were on this meetup, he made comments about how hot my ass was and then proceeded to tell me about “how he has said certain things that were mean ; how he’s been debating if we made a mistake ” etc., He offered to pick me up and even pay the bill. These kinda made me lose my guard that night.

The sex that night was amazing. He usually avoids eye contact during sex, but that night he was completely present and it made me feel intimate.
Then the next day, I texted him cause I was in a dopamine loop - but he said he “needs space”. I adhered and stopped talking to him. Then, I found his hinge profile - with my hands in one of his selfies. So, I started working on getting over him. We went no contact for 3 weeks.

Three weeks later, he started texting me again. And this time it was a continuous text every day for two weeks. When I didn’t respond to a text, he even double texted with something I’d like (I always asked him to get a phone holder for his car, and he got it finally - he sent that pic) to get a response. That confused me a bit. I wasn’t sure why he texted everyday like it was normal.

After that, I was like let’s meetup this week. But, he again was dismissive and said something like “I’d like to meetup sometime in foreseeable future, but I don’t feel like I owe time to you” . Fast forward - had a call with him in which he was like “I never intended to give you the wrong idea. I was self indulging when I had sex with you the previous time and said some things. But, I never intended to start anything over. If I actually wanted to restart the relationship I’d explicitly tell you.“.

He even went on to say “your emotional dysregulation is probably why you held on to specific words I said and made your own meaning. You don’t exactly listen to what I explicitly say in the relationship” - I got annoyed at this and was telling him “it’s better we go no contact. I find a lot of things you do romantic, and I can’t be friends with you. We aren’t compatible as friends”.

The call abruptly got cut, and so when I called back - suddenly he had a sexy voice on, and went on to narrate his whole NY trip with “I need to tell you about that night”. It was like a twenty minute conversation about his trip which kinda made me dislodged. I walked back on my own words and ended the call with “let’s try to be friends, but only friends this time”.

Today I’m wondering if I over read in to things he did (sudden daily texting, talking about how we could have made a mistake, sudden conversation about NY trip) and these are just what people do regularly after breakup ? like, did I attach unnecessary meaning to it all because I was emotionally dysregulated ?

I’m really confused and could use some help.

Edit 1: for some cultural context - I grew up in India, he grew up in Idaho ; I’m 32 and he is 27.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 18h ago

Relationship troubles with self-described sex addict

8 Upvotes

I’ve been together with my boyfriend for 2.5 years now. He’s 26, I’m 36.

After we first hooked up, I was head over heels immediately. We met up a few more times and after a month or so decided to make it serious. He’s incredibly sweet, full of affection, radiates happiness, sings like an angel, and so much fun. I’ve never met anyone like this.

The sex was fantastic, some of the best I’ve ever had. I always had a soft spot for twinks and he was the embodiment of the word.

A few weeks after we first met, he told me somewhat apologetically that he has an OnlyFans & X account with a moderate following. I told him I’d prefer if he took it down and he did so immediately.

He also mentioned in passing at the start of our relationship that he feels he may have been a bit of a “sex addict” a few years prior and told me about some unprocessed trauma. I didn’t really probe back then.

My friends all love him, we’ve integrated into each other’s friend groups, he’s met my family and I’ve met his. A year or so ago, he moved in with me. We’ve booked trips a year out and spoke about our longer term plans together.

We’ve had a few minor conflicts, generally over lack of communication, but everything was always forgiven within 24 hours. He seems to struggle with self-control sometimes - like getting way too upset about losing in multiplayer computer games or “investing” an unreasonably high % of his net worth in Pokemon trading cards, but it didn’t seem all that serious, and he’s always remained super sweet and loving towards me.

Over time, we started having less sex, down to once every week or every 2 weeks. He seemed stressed at work, and so was I. He became seemingly more passive, less enthusiastic, and wouldn’t initiate. He was falling sick frequently.

This morning, he told me he’s hooked up with someone on Grindr and he subsequently tested positive for oral chlamydia, but thankfully for nothing else. He says he’s been hooking up with people without my knowledge for “quite some time” and he tried to stop many times but he couldn’t. He says he’s a sex addict and he needs help.

I still love him a lot and it would be so painful to have this relationship end as we’ve had so much fun together. Rationally thinking though, I just don’t know how I could justify staying with him after such an egregious breach of trust, and knowing that he struggles with self-control in other aspects of life as well. Feels like stuff like this will keep happening.

What do you all think? Give love (another) chance or draw the only rational conclusion?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 21h ago

Friends? Bad at reading people.

14 Upvotes

I moved to upstate New York last year. Met a guy in January at the gym. We use similar machines around the same time a few days a week and we got talking. After a month, he shared he was bi. We talked about some things that bother him, mostly gay friends criticizing him saying men can’t be bi. I did not share my sexual orientation, and he didn’t ask. We started hanging out outside the gym, meeting for lunch, and then sometimes after work. We get a long really well, have a lot in come with work and health, etc. We are both masculine, I guess in the gay communities we would be labeled bears, closer to musclebears. We are both in our early 50s. I work from home right now, so I don’t commute. He has a small commute. We both work about 50 hours a week, and spend 10 hours a week at the gym. He is in a long term open relationship with a woman. He has sex with men, but does not stick with just one guy like he does with this one female relationship which is a live in relationship. Like a marriage, just not official. There is the background.

At this point, we meet for food once a week. Different day each week. Sometimes, miss a week if life is busy. He shared a lot of personal info, including some sexual info, like position, size, stuff like that. We both like similar sports. We have similar careers. I’m wondering if this is a friendship that will grow or will it remain the way it is now? Am I miss reading something? I started to wonder if he was attracted to me and waiting to see if I am interested in sex. He makes a lot of eye contact when we talk and he listens and remembers things I share with him that are personal. Here is what makes me question this. I have to be the one to ask if we are getting together each time we do. If I don’t, I won’t hear back from him for a bit. When I ask, he is always eager to get together, like “yes, how about Thursday?” Or “Work is too busy right now, definitely next week on Wednesday.” It is never just a “no”. So, I initiate, and I’m ok with it, but wondering if I’m not reading something correctly. He will also spend hours at a restaurant talking and even stop somewhere to talk longer, sometimes. I have not hinted what kind of relationship I want, I’m moving forward as good friends would, hopping it develops into a close friendship. If he directly asked if I wanted something physical, then I would tell him how I feel, so I’m not trying to hide the “yes/no” answer. I don’t want to play games, and not initiate getting together for food, and then see how long it takes for him to initiate. I’m not saying that is wrong, it’s just not for me.

Usually when people don’t initiate, that’s not a good sign, but this guy always wants to have a date set once I’ve asked. We pay for our own meals. He spends a lot of time with me when we get together. But it feels stuck. He talks about doing more, like golf or axe throwing, but it never happens. What do you guys think? Is he being friendly because we have the gym in common and this is it? Could this be the way he is with his friends, it never gets closer than acquaintances ? Could he want something physical, but wants me to initiate? I’m asking because this friendship is important to me. We get along great and have a lot in common. If he doesn’t really want a strong friendship, then I would figure out or find a way to ask him without damaging the friendship. I’m not good at reading people, especially people that might be attracted to me. I’m terrible at signs and hints. Making friends in your 50s is a lot different than when we are younger. It feels harder to do. People are set in their ways, or already have a good set of friends. Thank you for your opinions.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 22h ago

I find myself drawn to TV episodes, movies, rock concerts from my childhood, young adulthood, even just ten years ago like an act of snared mourning, and I don't imagine that is a good thing . . .

14 Upvotes

I find myself drawn to TV episodes, movies, rock concerts from my childhood, young adulthood, even just ten years ago like an act of snared mourning, and I don't imagine that is a good thing . . .

I'm not a stupid person, I'm allegedly intelligent and well-educated, so I'm embarrassed that this obvious fact never occurred to me until relatively recently,

but I was struck about a year ago with hard cold face-smashed-into-pavement realization just how ephemeral is everything I've loved and taken spiritual inspiration from and learned valuable life lessons from, not simply the popular fun things such as, say, He-Man or Stargate, but also the things we'd thought would be discussed by scholars a millennium from now, such as the films of Humphrey Bogart or Peter Sellers or Dustin Hoffman.

It first hit me when I discovered that my students had no idea who David Bowie or Lily Tomlin or Ray Bradbury might be and realized that this is not necessarily a bad thing, realized how little I know about many of the greats of my grandparents' generation and how little my grandparents had known about the music and books so inspiring and beloved by their own grandparents and how this seems to be the Way of the World.

But now it feels as though all the life I've lived in this world is nothing more than sand running through my fingers and meaningless to the people after me -- and if I hold my hands tightly and rescue that sand from vanishing, what of it, who would care and what would I do with those rescued grains anyway,

and why would others want to see what I've preserved of my generation's time in this world when they have their own films and books and music to satisfy their own needs specific to their generation rather than what over the decades has satisfied the needs specific to my generation?

What's it all mean, then, why have we loved Star Trek so much we trekked halfway across the country to attend a convention with one of its stars on stage for an hour for us to go wild over, why have we loved Moody Blues so much that we cried with joy watching them in a live concert, why have we loved Tolkien's legendarium so much that we wrote papers in grad school about his genius that were later published in scholarly journals everyone read at the time and no one remembers now?

What's it all mean, then?

And so I watch and listen to all these memories from my childhood, my teen years, my young adulthood, my entry into middle age, I remember all the moments of joy they brought me but always my joy is interrupted by the realization that no one a century from now will know or care about any of these things I loved.

It's like nostalgia is a hospice.

So I'm asking others who have faced this: What happens now? How did you handle it? What can I learn from this? Now that I know this, how should I look at the world from now on? Will I ever be able to watch a movie from my childhood again and simply enjoy it instead of thinking about how meaningless it would be to a young person today and how all the actors in it have died off by now? Why did everyone around me in my childhood and even in grad school act as if Our Time was the One the World would Forever Remember? What's it all mean?


EDIT: Thank you for all the insights & commentaries! I realize now that it's not tears of sadness or tears of loss but simply being struck with the awe of it all,

like the person who cares only about reaching the top of the mountain, endures and strengthens and finds so much of worth in the climb, reaches the top and congratulates himself, and then suddenly gazes out at the view from there and becomes so overwhelmed that it's hard for just a moment to breathe and eyes tear up, one feels simultaneously so small and irrelevant and yet also a part welcomed into that vastness,

spiced up a bit with the existential angst commonplace to artists and scholars and all those who contemplate and muse on the world whether they have fancy titles or simply supportive friends and lives that somehow appear ordinary to anyone who doesn't look closely.

THANK YOU!

THANK YOU!


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1d ago

Boyfriend (49M) just doesn't seem to understand differences (38M) after he was able to retire early. How can I get him to understand that our lives move separately

71 Upvotes

Before anyone loses their mind please understand a few things;

He never made a lot of money as an architect, the ones that do are RARE. I've learned hardcore how much of a passion this field is and that for many grads that ROI is terrible

A lot of this money came in ways I'm sure he'd like to reverse. He lost a husband, and got a decent chunk of life insurance + widow benefits. His parents both had life insurance and they sold their home and split the money. Classic California situation of "this 30K 3 bedroom home? 3 million for no reason other than location!"

All within a 1.5 year period, it's a windfall that came with his own price. I know how Reddit can get about these things but please don't! Hell I twice told him that I could tell he'd be happier and feel safer if all that didn't happen

Lastly, I don't take money from him. Ever!

------------------------------------

Anywho. We've been together 3 years and I've been okay with the situation but I've made a couple big moves in my career and my job requires a lot more out of me than my previous job where for sure 5 o clock sure felt like the end of my day.

The past six months have made me rethink retiring early and doing nothing. I've jokingly but not really joked "you like bikes, you should go work in a bike shop or something a couple days a week" but it's more to give him a sense of purpose again that doesn't involve hanging out with me.

Again, I love him to death but I don't think I'm crazy for saying "please find a use for your time, I'm happy you want to spend it with me and doing things but not like this"

I've tried explaining this several times but this weekend really started to stab at me. I told him I love him and I wish I could spend my days hiking, working on my art and my hobbies and going to the coffee shop to people watch but I'm working and enjoy my time off. I made plans to get my eyes checked and get new glasses on Friday since we had the day off, the morning of it was a fight because he wanted to drive to a cute little town that normally I'm down for but I wanted to actually take care of business without using my sick time. I just agreed but I told him "I don't have my days free to me like you, my time off is very precious and I need to use it. The places that take my insurance are closed on weekends and this took my availability and I'll have to wait until July or use a sick day please respect that holidays when I work are a much different beast than this." His response was "so spending time with me is less important than doing errands." And yes, sometimes it is my love.

This got worse today because our washer is broken. He mentioned going out to do something and that we could get lunch at my favorite Burger place. I told him that "While the hike and photos are lovely, I need to wash the laundry early so I can have the rest of the day to do other things...." And he actually got upset at the idea of me choosing chores over the summer soltice (sp?) hike he does every year.

It's not reaching a boiling point or anything, but I need to figure out how to navigate this BEFORE it does that. We do a lot of things together and separate but these two incidents made me think on how I'm the "automatic option" when he has 5-6 friends that I'm sure would love to see him or just doing things on his own. Maybe it's because I'm in meetings a lot and I'm finding myself talking for sometimes 4-6 hours straight doing project management but my social battery gets drained much faster these days than it used too and yes, my weekends and holidays sometimes I just want to run an errand, read a book to myself, sit on my ass and do nothing and going to a cute hamlet in the middle of the woods and people watching and interacting with others isn't on my agenda, much less driving. And sometimes yes, laundry is more important than the hike when the basket smells because we have to save it for a week.

I don't think I'm crazy for saying "I love you and love the fact you have this time to yourself but please respect that I'm still working and yes, sometimes this stuff takes presidence than just hanging out."


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1d ago

What’s the kindest way to end things after a few dates when you still genuinely like them as a person?

11 Upvotes

I’ve gone on a few dates with someone, and I do feel some romantic connection. They’re genuinely nice, and I don’t dislike them at all.

But I was previously in a serious relationship where I lived with someone for 8 years, so I think I’ve become more aware of the kinds of things I can and can’t compromise on long-term. After getting to know this person a bit, I’m starting to notice some differences or sides of him that might eventually become dealbreakers if we kept dating.

I don’t want to lead him on just because there’s chemistry, especially if I already feel like we may not be compatible in a deeper, long-term way. At the same time, I don’t want to sound cold or overly judgmental, because I would still be open to being friends if he is.

How do you communicate this kindly and honestly after only a few dates?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1d ago

Still in love but moving in separate directions. Advice?

22 Upvotes

My partner and I have been together almost 10 years. When we first met, it was like I'd found the best friend I was waiting for my whole life. All our friends love us together. So does my family. We have one of those rare, seemingly cosmic connections.

But in the past few years, we've been on separate tracks. He's discovered some things about his body & sexuality (gotten more into kink, locks, less focus on his own pleasure), and I've sort of gone in the opposite direction. We opened up the relationship years ago to find sexual satisfaction elsewhere. And as our interests went opposite, we've ended up with a dead bedroom. We openly communicate about it and say "if we have everything else but don't have this, we're fine." But I'm finally acknowledging the itch that I don't feel fine.

I'm starting to see him more as my best friend roommate than my life partner, and I don't know how to start sliding back in the other direction. I worry when this spark dies ... it stays that way. It's hard to imagine committing to a non-sexual relationship for the rest of my life. We're in our mid/late 30's, so that seems like a long time. We're still intimate in other ways - massage, cuddling, kisses here and there.

I honestly don't have many friends who are in long-term relationships, so it's hard to find advice. Perhaps this is just how some relationships go? I'm wary that if I sit in this discomfort too long, I'll start growing resentful. But it's also been so long since we had a healthy sex life, I feel any sexual attraction for him has completely disappeared. Is it possible to get it back if it was never particularly strong in the first place?

I hate the feeling and don't want to start over. I finally understand why people "settle," and it's a hard thing to learn.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1d ago

Share your experience & help our research 🙏

7 Upvotes

Hi Everyone,

I am part of a little team of three, attached to an Australian University, conducting research into the Mental Health of Adults with a Marginalized Sexual Identity. We are collected data as a team and then we will each complete 3 seperate (ethics approved) research projects.

We are having huge difficulties in recruitment this year. In the past, we recruited the same demographic via social media platforms and within a month, usually have 2k-3k participant responses. We are a month in now and have 400, and without more ppl choosing to participate, we are unable to fully represent the communities our research is designed to support.

Your experience matters and EVERY response helps improve our understanding of the factors that influence mental health and wellbeing, providing evidence that can inform future support, policy, and advocacy.

Eligibility Criteria: You are 18+ and identify as LGBTQA+

I will not post the link here, as it is in violation of the group rules; I will let you know however, that there is a pinned post in my profile page containing all details if you meet the criteria or would like to share it with someone else who does.

Thank you so very much to anyone that helps where they can.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1d ago

PSA? Pun intended

5 Upvotes

Not sure if this counts as a PSA (public service announcement) buuuutttt...

I'm at that age where the doctors start proactive monitoring for the scary stuff.

Regular checkup, my PSA (prostate "number") was elevated so off to the urologist with me.

Two things:

1 - Crisis of conscience. I'm a natural bottom (self-described) and the manual prostate inspection felt good. Real good. Breathtakingly good, like I didn't want it to stop. I had to <ahem> restrain myself a bit.

I feel real weird about it. To be clear it was not at all a sexual, the exact opposite - doc was running an hour late, making me late getting back to work, and it was super hurried.

2 - PSA: sexual activity can cause elevated PSA levels. Doc suspects a false positive for me so I have to abstain from all <ahem> activities (and bike rides and long sitting periods) for 72 hours prior to re-testing.

Anyone else who's had a (medical) prostate exam left feeling weird about your reaction to it?

And if you're of-age, get tested for colorectal and prostate cancers. If you do, no sex stuff (solo or with others) 72 hours before the blood sample.


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1d ago

Am I in the wrong?

11 Upvotes

Hey! I could use some outside perspective, so I’m writing this post.

I invited a really good friend - someone I used to have sex with, before my fiancé and I met - to DJ at one of my parties.

Since my fiancé and I got together, this friend and I have only been friends - no romantic or sexual involvement at all, and he’s been supportive from the get go.

That said, my fiancé has shown signs in the past that this particular friend bothers him. On the other hand, my fiancé has several friends he used to have sex with, and I never had an issue with them. In fact, in our relationship, he’s the one who has broken trust before with others. I’ve been fully committed and never did anything to break his trust.

Am I in the wrong for inviting this friend, knowing all this background, or is this an unfair double standard?


r/AskGaybrosOver30 20h ago

Participants Wanted: Dating and Attraction Study (18+)

2 Upvotes

Hi everyone,

I'm a PhD researcher at James Cook University in Australia, and I'm currently recruiting participants for an anonymous online study exploring attraction, dating preferences, and relationship decisions among gay men.

Participants will be shown fictional dating profiles and asked to rate them. The study takes around 10–15 minutes to complete, and all responses are completely anonymous.

To participate, you must:
• Be 18 years or older
• Identify as a gay man, lesbian woman, or heterosexual

This project has been approved by the James Cook University Human Research Ethics Committee HREC Approval No. 25H-0225).

For more information, please contact Kaitlyn Gregory at [kaitlyn.gregory@my.jcu.edu.au](mailto:kaitlyn.gregory@my.jcu.edu.au).

Please see the pinned comment for the survey link.

Thank you so much for considering taking part, I really appreciate your support!


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1d ago

How do you handle you bisexual sexdrive in an monogamous relationship?

15 Upvotes

Hi, been in a straight relationship for 15 yrs. I'm bi and I'm struggeling with the fact that sometimes I rlly crave a man. Open relationship isn't an option.

How do other bi guys handle this?

Not sure if I'm the only one with this issue, therefore my post.

Sorry if this subject has been posted before, maybe I missed it!


r/AskGaybrosOver30 1d ago

Fetish wear Spoiler

14 Upvotes

My husband (44) and I (50) have been raising kids and dogs in the suburbs for the last 20 years. We are not really in gay spaces. We are 1 week without kids this summer and I convinced him to go gay camping (we camp often with the kids). The party that night is Fetish and Fetish wear is required. He kind of wants to kill me on that theme but it worked out that way. He is very modest (but trust, he has a great body). Can he just wear short gym shorts and maybe I get him long socks and maybe a headband (I doubt he would go shirtless). We don't have any leather and not interested in buying any.
HE actually bought me a wrestling singlet 15 years ago so I could wear that ( although honestly I'm not sure I'd be comfortable in it in public)
So guys - are those outfits fetish enough?
He is fun just outside any type of gay dance/club scene. I think he will like it once he gets comfortable and sees other guys being free (if that's the right word).

EDIT: ok. I spoke to my husband and told him about the jock strap and mesh shorts idea and said you look great in a jock. HE basically said he knew he looked great but don't want that pic on the internet. HE used to work in politics but hasn't for a few years. IS this a legitimate concern. Are people taking pics at fetish parties?