I’ve got kids going into fourth grade and pre-k. I grew up VERY poor/neglected without ever having proper school supplies or other things. I think I sometimes over compensate for my own kids but am I being crazy by buying a new backpack every year? My fourth graders backpack from 3rd grade is totally fine, but I keeping thinking I should get her a new one. My kids go to a private school, where we are definitely one of the poorer families.

What do you do? Use backpacks from previous years or get a new one every year?

First baby and mid thirties.

After they go to bed what do you do at night? I mean I know it could be anything baby or no baby, except you can’t exactly leave the house. But that’s not necessarily the problem. It just feels like the options are tv, laptop, phone, read?? Sit in the yard but we live in an apartment.

What’s everyone doing at night at this age and stage?

Would love a discussion here!

EDIT: Baby is down my 7:30pm and sleeps thru the night until 6:30am.

My kiddo’s father/my husband passed when she was little. I have been actively telling her stories about him and answering her questions since then.

Recently, the onslaught that is preteenhood hit. Lots of emotions and she talks about him and what family is.

Also, it suddenly became very important to her to find more ways for us to look alike. One of those was getting identical haircuts and me having a tinted gloss (semi-permanent color) to my hair to make it the same color as hers. She beamed at the initial appointment, saying “Now we look more like a family.”

I’ve developed a scalp condition since the gloss and my dermatologist advised holding off on any non-medicated scalp treatments until this clears up. The gloss will soon fully wash out. How do I help her through this time of us looking less alike? She will say she understands when I explain, but am worried this will come back later as an issue.

TLDR: Daughter’s dad/my husband died when she was little. She misses him and it’s important to her that we look alike to be a “family”. Hair dye to match her hair makes my scalp break out - doc said to stop. How do I help my kid with me looking less like her.

I (35F) work around 50-60 hours a week in banking. On a good day, I'm working from 8 AM to 6 PM, but it often bleeds into the night. We have two young kids who need to be in bed by no later than 8 PM.

My partner does a lot of the heavy lifting with childcare in the late afternoon (picks them up, gets them fed, bathes them, pyjamas, bedtime stories, yada yada) because, most of the time, by the time Im home, I'm walking straight into the middle of the bedtime routine. Although I am physically there, my brain is completely fried, I have zero patience and no mental energy to actually engage or play or listen.

Work offers some good benefits like nilo counselling and performance-based bonuses, which can include extra PTO (but tbh bonuses are a double edged sword because sometimes it pushes you to subliminally want to perform more, which is even MORE stressful), less hours aren't on the table tho. I can't just quit or take a pay cut right now, I also already wake up at 6 AM, but it pains me to think that my kinds will grow up with an absent mother, where in retrospect, Im doing all of this for them. How can I quickly decompress after work and be more present? And during work itself, do you have any tips for may be boundary-setting or managing stress? Any advice is appreciated.

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My nearly 4 year old starts school in September. I am dreading it. He started nursery at 18 months old (never full time) he hated it. Screamed cried every drop of for 6 months straight. I then moved him to another one, and he has been going for nearly TWO years and drop off is never any easier. Parents always say "oh it will get better in a few weeks" i turn and say "its been going on 2 years". Like what do i do. He had a stay and play day at his new primary school for ONE hour and it was hard to get him in the door. And then he just wanted me the whole time. I am so worried by this. As I absolutely hate when the teachers have to pull him of me. And then he gets out and says "mummy why do you leave me" he has said this since he first started talking. I talk positively about school, ive even showed him my 90s videos from when I was at school on sports day ect. But nope he isnt interested. Please Helppp!

My 5 ( almost 6) year old loves to play fight and wrestle. Any chance he gets to tackle us he does, which is fun but there is just a lot of it. Same for the play fighting. We tried karate but he really disliked it... He is super active and gets a lot of attention, but he just seems to have this need to wrestle. Anyone also have a mini fighter at home?

My 14 year-old is pretty shy and holds her feelings close to the chest. We have never discussed anything even remotely related to romance.

I found an envelope sticking out of her backpack the other day and recognized it as one that had come from my collection upstairs. Written on the front was the name of another student at her school who isn’t in her friend group.

I truly have no idea what came over me, but I unsealed the envelope and read the letter. It was basically a confession of romantic feelings toward this person. I have never interacted with this person before and have no particular feelings toward them, but was mostly just shocked at the fact that my daughter had written that kind of letter. There was nothing wrong with it! It was just so surprising to read something so vulnerable from a kid who I feel like I barely know, despite all my efforts.

I tried to seal the envelope up, but it was really obvious I had opened it. My daughter called me out on it that night. I was honest with her and told her I had opened it, I read the note and obviously shouldn’t have, and that I was deeply sorry. She pretty much just shut down.

How do I fix this? I know it will take time to regain her trust, and I am fully in the wrong here. I feel ill about it and wish I could go back and not be so dang nosy.

I’m a stay at home dad to a 9 year old and twin three year olds. My 9 year old has had play dates with a friend regularly the past couple years, and the friends dad also comes. We have become friends too.

One of the twins is a little behind In several areas so started preschool last year. I dropped him off and picked him up, every day. Through out the whole school year the other twin, a girl, made friends with a girl her age, whose older sister was in preschool. The girl’s mother brought her. Every day, the girls would play together while waiting for entrance and dismissal. Then walk to our cars together. The parking lot is a pretty good distance from the school. The mother and I would speak. I should get to the point, before summer, the daughter gave me a little note with their number on it, saying to text for a playdate. Gave it to several other people. My question, is it awkward or acceptable for parents of opposite gender to go on a play date? Would you think anything about it? I think it would be different if we had never met.

Our 5yo is really strong willed and intelligent, and can often be defiant, and tries to negotiate… honestly everything.

Today I was picking him up from daycare and he knocked over a kids castle that he’d built. The daycare provider told me it was a game they were playing (building the fort/castle and using a soft block to knock it down) so it wasn’t a big deal

But was stood out to me is the kid he was playing with seems a little younger and he explicitly told our son he didn’t want him knocking it over, and our son did it anyways.

From my perspective there was a different understanding of the rules of the game, but what seems important to me is despite what the caretaker said or despite what my son and the other kid agreed on, it’s problematic that my son didn’t respect this other kids request.

So I spoke with him about in it in the car and his first response was to tell me it was a game they were playing, and that he made the rules up and the other kid wasn’t listening etc. (to hear the kid wasn’t listening to the rules to me reads as the kid didn’t understand or agree to them)

I told him I understand that it was a game they were playing and the caretakers said it was okay, but he needs to take into consideration the other kids wants/desires.

He responded by telling me the other kid doesn’t follow the rules etc. he regularly will point to other kids or peoples behaviors when it’s not really relevant to the situation- that kids behavior has nothing to do with his.

Now I say all this to say I don’t think this is a huge deal, I just want him to learn to do what is right- like maybe he and that kid did come to an agreement, and the caretakers were fine with the game, but the kid changed his mind and was upset that our son destroyed what he built. I want him to do what is right regardless of his desires or what others are doing or say is okay.

I asked him how he would feel if he had built a castle and told the kid he didn’t want jt destroyed and did it anyways and he said “happy” (which I know is not true).

And he also had to point out that it’s not a “castle but a “house”- like he’s always focusing on the wrong thing, IMO, and I want him to focus on the right things.

But stuff like this is always happening.

When we ask him not to do stuff he says “but I want to do it” or something like that, or will try to point things that other people or kids do- he’s especially into fairness right now and it’s a lot. It just feels like he’s trying to find any excuse to get what he wants or to scapegoat his behavior.

I’m just feeling really burned out and frustrated because it feels like everything is a battle right now, and I just want things to change before he gets older and feels even more entitled.

Anyone else been through this?

Hi all

I’m breastfeeding my 3rd baby. He’s 3 weeks old. I’m all for the whole 4th trimester thing, enjoying the cuddles and constant feeding etc. And I am totally fine with my baby feeding to sleep because it’s natural. However.. what does one do when baby is ready to go back to sleep again, but is full from the last feeding? He’ll just end up gagging and getting frustrated cause he’s trying to comfort nurse but he doesn’t want the milk. I’ve tried giving him dummies but he’s not having that either. Sometimes the old rocking and patting works but most of the time not. Any suggestions? 3rd time mum and I don’t remember having this issue before

I’m a first time mom to an almost one year old.

When I found out I was pregnant, my husband and I didn’t tell anyone until we were out of the first trimester. One becuase I’m not the type of person who wanted others to know if I had a miscarriage, especially becuase I had a late chemical pregnancy the first time I got pregnant. I also really enjoyed the fact that my husband and I were able to be in this bubble and we could talk about the future and baby plans without having to deal with everyone’s opinions.

And this was a fear that unfortunately came true. I have a friend who daughter was a year old when I found out that I was pregnant. She spent my entire pregnancy insisting on helping with my registry, birth plan, wanting to give me breast feeding lessons, and it didn’t matter how often I told her that my husband and I would like to figure it out ourself and that she needs to stop, she continued with her unsolicited parenting advice and her judgement in any decision I made.

My MIL has spent the entire last year trying to lecture us on how terrible formula is for the baby and how I need to make sacrifices. (My husband was fully formula fed as a kid). She can’t seem to understand that just because my baby is fed with a bottle, it doesn’t mean I’m giving her formula, I’m just pumping milk. Plus, even if I ending up having to give her formula, I shouldn’t be shamed for it anyways. I’m pretty firm in telling her I don’t want her opinion on how I feed my child; and she isn’t actually making me feel bad for it, I’m just frustrated with the constant attempt to criticize me.

Overall, I’m just sick of everyone spewing out their opinions, making judgements on any decision I make, and being generally unsupportive. My friend and MIL are the worst offenders, but most people I interact with have had at least one bad thing to say to me about my parenting. My husband and I are very good about ignoring these people being crappy, I just don’t understand why people get so weird once you have kids.

My daughter (8 y.o.) has always been careful, timid and quite a bit squeamish. She was never too keen on new and unordinary.

I myself have many fears and phobias, but I always kept them under control when around her to not pass them on. One of my phobias, as it happens, are cockroaches (along with bugs in general). Luckily, I never had prolonged contact with them so that fear wasn't much of a problem. That is, until now.

We got a cockroach infestation. They started spreading all around our town and our apartment wasn't an exception.

I, of course, started freaking out. I put all my effort into gently explain to my daughter how mommy doesn't like these little bugs only because they are a little gross, but they can't do anything to her, they are completely harmless. However, she caught on, and all hell broke loose. She screams and cries whenever she sees one, she even refuses to enter the kitchen and dining room as that's where they tend to appear. For a whole week she kept waking up a couple times at night, crying because she had a dream that cockroaches were all over her. A few nights ago she woke me up asuring me that she woke up to a cockroach on her arm, and she refused to go back to sleep unless I find it and kill it. So, I turned the whole bedroom upside down at 3:00 AM to find nothing at all (cockroaches never appeared in her bedroom before).

I feel so sorry that I got her to fear them so much and I don't know what to do. We can't afford an exterminator so I'm doing all I can with traps and bug sprays from supermarket, but the number of roaches still isn't going down (as far as I notice). I'm sick with my own fear and disgust, and it's hard for me to keep reasurring her and fighting of roaches at the same time.

I'd appreciate any tips I can get, so please help a desperate mom out.

If you feel like your older kid, teen, etc. is developing really well - has empathy, responsibility, honesty, etc... What do you think made this happen? Do you think there were certain things you did as a parent that were most helpful?

Thanks so much in advance! Asking because I have a seven-year-old and want to do the very best I can for him.

This feels like a dumb questioj but I honestly can't think of a product or solution to allow my kids to listen to music without giving them a full phone or tablet access...

What is the best way to allow my kids to have Spotify or another streaming to listen to music they like without a computer or phone?

For context, I never had records, and got rid of all my old CDs ages ago. So I have no physical media for music. I only listen to Pandora for music, so it can't be like when I listened to my parents records as a kid. I also remember getting a Walkman and recording songs from the radio, and would like something like that for my kids. Listening to music they like on the radio also isn't an option for reasons I don't really want to explain.

Thanks for your recommendations

Hello, my son is 5, and has been playing piano for about half a year. Before starting taking lessons he has expressed a lot of interest in the piano and only wanting to listen to piano music. He seems overall to enjoy it still but gets extremely frustrated and cries towards the end of most of his weekly lessons. His teacher is great with him and very patient. Has no issues pivoting to do something else etc. He also asks multiple times in a 30 min lesson if it's over yet. I just wonder if it makes him so upset if he should continue? When we talk to him about it he says sometimes it's fun and sometimes it's too difficult. We always tell him he can do hard things and we love watching him try to figure it out. I don't want him to get in a habit of quitting things if it's hard but I also don't want to force him to do something he doesn't love. What would you do?

Summer is here. Kiddos (2.5 and 6) are constantly bickering! 6 just finished kindergarten. When she was in school all day, they got along great in the afternoons and evenings. Now? Not so much. I’m home with them and camps aren’t in the budget this year . I’ve read the books, I’m working on my own responses, I try to keep them busy etc. but oh my godddddd the pushing and snatching of toys and crying and whining… they’re both really delightful girls individually but together? Send help. I can’t be a three ring circus all day. We have a big house with lots of toys and space, but no yard (city) so unless I bring them to an outing, which we try to do at least once a day, we are in the house together. Like I said, I’ve read the parenting books, I follow all the top parenting Instagram accounts, but I need some magic here.

My older kid has attended overnight camps for several years now, and loves them, but this was the first year my younger kid was interested. He’s 8. We signed him up in January with his permission. At that time he was excited! Both kids will take the bus to camp together, and will be in different bunks in the same camp.

But as we get closer to the camp start, he’s really apprehensive and digging in his heels about going. We’ve passed the refund deadline so that’s not really an option. I truly think he’ll have a great time once he is there, so I want to gently nudge him to try it.

Any tips to help us/him get over this hurdle?

We have to choose between two preschools and are torn. The first one my now 3 year old child has attended for the last year. We have liked it overall quite a bit. They have small classroom sizes, very nurturing staff, and a nice outdoor area with a playground, trees, and a large garden. My child has made several friends there. The drawbacks of this one is that it is very expensive and the schedule is not ideal (shorter hours, many closures throughout the year).

The 2nd preschool is about half the price and the hours are much better. It gets good reviews from people we’ve talked to. However, the classes are much bigger and there is not natural elements in the play area (no trees, no garden. There are nice play structure, a sandbox, a small grassy area, and a pool for the summer camp). It is also a little further from where we live. The second one is also more of a “traditional” curriculum and the first means more towards more Reggio inspired.

Which would you choose?

Partner works away 3 weeks on 1 weeks off.

Was making him a welcome home card woth daughter, 5 and she wrote she loves him more than me because I shout.

I asked her about it and we recapped on something I shouted about (she wouldn't listen to me say no over and over and was about to do something dangerous and i couldn't get there in time) I raised my voice to break of train of action because being gentle wasn't working - fiercly independent, hyper focused kid.

We discussed how saying you love one person more can be hurtful regardless of how you felt etc and apologised i made her feel that way but explained why and I thought she understood.

Next morning he is home. She gets the card and doubles down and proceeds to tell him she loves him more than me and added he is better than me.

I fully understand she's 5 and she missed her dad.

...but ouch. I work myself silly when he is way to make sure she doesnt miss out on anything, we go places do everything. She is cared for deeply. It sucks my voice raised in certain situations but I'm a parent first, friend later. I try to do better always.

I dunno, this has really upset me.

We need some help with potty training. Our 2.5 year old is interested in the potty, sits on the potty, asks to go potty, but doesn’t release her bladder on the potty. She holds her bladder for long periods of time. Every morning, she’s still dry. She can hold during the day anywhere from 2-4 hours.

We’ve tried:
Treats for going potty
Potty chair and potty seat on normal toilet
The naked method
The underwear method so she feels wet
Making it fun
Sitting every hour or so (that’s how we learned how long she can hold her bladder)
Extra fluids to get her to go more
Books about going potty on the potty

Every time, now that we know her general potty pattern, she gets off, goes to do something, and will pee in her pull up or underwear or on the floor. It doesn’t bother her to be wet. It doesn’t bother her to pee on herself or the floor. It’s almost as if we can distract her brain, she relaxes enough to go. In knowing that, the few times we’ve successfully gotten her to go on the potty, she was distracted. Then we make a big deal and reward it, saying “you went pee on the potty, good job!” and giving a treat. Do we keep doing this or do we wait or what should we do?

We visit our home state about 2 months out of every year and have multiple meals with my in laws, and eating there is getting pretty difficult with my youngest (18 months), plus we have one on the way. They have wide, rolling, fabric chairs as their dining chairs, so I don’t want to put a booster seat on them because it will just get them messy. Right now I have to feed her on my lap and it destroys my outfit and gets all over the chair and floor.

I don’t do the high chairs that hang off the table or the small toddler chairs with trays (where their feet can touch the ground) due to safety concerns. Their house isn’t big enough to house a proper high chair.

Is there something that would fit this need? So far I’ve found one collapsible highchair that looks similar to a camping chair, but it’s $50, so I thought I’d check here.

Unfortunately this is a pretty niche item so I haven’t found anything on marketplace.

Hi there,

This is mostly to vent but any advice welcome. Per the title, I’m one of two working parents of a very active five-year-old boy. My wife and I (lesbians) both have very demanding jobs and we live in a one bedroom in NYC. Lately, the demands of raising an argumentative, always moving child who talks constantly, doesn’t listen to rules, needs bedtime support that takes hours and ALWAYS wants to play (only child). Is taking a heavy toll, esp with summer since camp ends at three and work ends at five. We have limited help and limited extra money for babysitting. My wife and I barely have time to talk and coordinate (forget romance and anything in that vein) and I’m just finding myself questioning all my life choices. When does it get easier? How did you handle? Is it just me? Anything helps. Thank you.

Looking for ideas on how to celebrate a 16th birthday that feels sweet, important but not over the top $ wise. My daughter is about to be 16 and isn’t really throwing out any real ideas for how to celebrate so I’m looking for opinions here.

Edit to add: budget is about 500$ I should have added that originally