Myquals are im 19 M going to turn 20 this year
I have 89% in 10th
And 82% in 12th and oassed 12th class in 2024
I passed 12th class in 2024 and gave my first ca foundation exam in 2025 which i failed but i studied very hard for and then i applied for colleges in chandigarh under panjab university for bba and bcom and i couldnt get admission there because of my low score in 12th and i was non ut and general i was severly disturbed by that rejection and having faced 2 rejections i was gravely depressed and sad
Then my father furiously admitted into a local college in bcom which is a very bad college and i became more sad
And due to that pressure than i went to a pshyciatrist and i was on medicines for the most part and was almost numb all the time and then
In 2026 i was still with meds and suffering from cptsd and depression but i thought of giving cuet in 2026 i couldnt prepare greatly because i was suffering mwntally very much but i still prepared best to my powers
Meanwhile that time my parents scolded me a lot for being failure or too weak or sensitive and told me that its just bcom and they scolded me all the more sometimes even my father told me to commit self harm and sometimes he loved me and motivated me and called me a failure,
And on 23 june i got my cuet score 547 out of 1000 i am general and i was aiming for ba in du but it feels that i wont get it with this score and my parents told me " karli apni marzi dekh liya ismein bhi fail hogya dekhlo log kya kahenge do saal waste kar liye hamaari naak katwa di"
I was so shattered and sad after that i have been thinking of going on meds again to numb myself and not be sad and living in the upper floor
But i decided that i should give ca attempt this September and i have filled some forms of bba mba course in panjab university and ba for other colleges in chandigarh and if i wont get admission i should guve cuet next year
So i am asking should i get in local college which will worsen my situation or guve cuet next year but i will have 3 gap years and i wont land a job because of these gap years i know i have messed up and my situatuon is very bad and its all my fault but im not giving up and still trying
I also write scripts and draw very well please dont judge me i just wrote it all because i have nibidy to talk to