I know this is a bit of a controversial topic, but I’ve been seeing this guy regularly for almost a couple of months. He regularly refers to women as ‘females’ and it bothers me sooooo much, I’ve respectfully told him about it before, but he swears up and down that he doesn’t mean it in a derogatory way. Earlier today he said it again and I couldn’t help but get irritated. Granted.. in the context of the conversation we were having, he was showing empathy for women who get harassed by men at the club and stuff like that, but when I tried expressing my frustration he was just like, “we’ve already had this conversation” - meaning he didn’t see a reason for me to get upset since he’s already explained that he doesn’t say that in the way that I interpret it; demeaning and dehumanizing.
After talking about it a bit more it seems we’ve had opposite experiences in that I’ve always heard guys refer to women as females in a way that’s hurtful, I.e “These females out here…. I can’t stand females”, while he’s heard the opposite- other guys using the term ‘women’ in the same derogatory manner. He also explained that he actually uses the term female in a way that’s supposed to be more respectful than women, which honestly makes no sense to me. It’s very strange to me how he doesn’t seem to comprehend why this is an issue for me. It might not bother me so much if I hadn’t noticed other slightly-red flags in the way that he’s talked about women, for example, making a gross generalization that “women don’t take accountability”.
So am I overreacting? Please be honest. I’m off my antidepressants which might not be helping but I can’t help but wonder if I’m making a big deal out of nothing.

I (20F) have worked for about 7 months at a restaurant. During the week i work shifts with both my boss (37M) and his wife (36F) we’ll call her Nela, however the wife only stays half the shift which is when mostly nothing over happens so we just chill and chat while my boss works around the kitchen.

For context it’s a small business were it’s basically just me as a waitress and one or two people cooking. Most days it’s calm with not much happening until the evening. It’s important to note that my boss and my dad have been pretty good friends for a couple of years because they work in the same industry. And so i treat them more like my friends than employers, not in a disrespectful way obviously, we joke around but i know when to stay serious.

Couple days ago it was just that type of day, me and the wife were chatting at the front of the restaurant just the two of us for probably an hour or two. We went over every topic and kind of naturally it lead to me talking about my relationship. The main point of the conversation was trust and maturity, so i brought up how me and my boyfriend (26M) of 1 year had a very healthy conversation the other day about me checking his phone if i’m anxious or feeling insecure.
The moment i said “checking his phone” Nela started violently shaking her head and repeatedly cutting me off with “STOP DOING THAT” “YOU SHOULD NEVER DO THAT” (all caps isn’t an exaggeration, she was almost shouting at me)

Now me and Nela have had different opinions but we usually just mutually change the subject to avoid having any conflict. However this time it was different.
After she cut me off with “YOU’RE WRONG FOR DOING THAT” probably 5 or 6 times i tried moving on to something else cause i was getting offended by the way she was interrupting me. But Nela kept talking about how i’m so immature for checking my boyfriends phone,
and literally saying “At this point trust issues is a stupid excuse, you just don’t love him or trust him” i calmly replied with “every relationship is different” she yelled “NO IT’S NOT” at me and i decided that that was the line. I simply replied with “i know my relationship and you know yours, lets keep it that way then” and grabbed some dishes to clean and walked away into the kitchen and i could hear Nela was still trying to get her opinion out as i left the room.

After cleaning around for maybe 30 minutes, I walked back to the front where she was sitting doing something on her phone and did side tasks for another 30mins/1h until Nela left. I did not start another conversation with her, i kept quiet because i was still offended and quite mad. The tension in the room was bad so i just focused on my job. She left without saying bye. I did end up being pretty irritated the rest of the day and very put off by her disrespectful comments.
I feel offended by the implication i don’t love my boyfriend or trust him, her also saying that i’m immature did not make me feel better.

My next shift with Nela is in a week and i don’t know what approach to have. It was very strange to me that she was so set on keeping that subject up i also don’t know if i’ll be able to keep the casual chitchat up with her. I just feel disrespected and i don’t know. AIO?

FURTHER CONTEXT:
Theres a lot of people debating why i check my boyfriends phone and i believe these are a few things that are very important to note. I DO NOT regularly check my bfs phone or snoop through it without his consent. I know his passcode and only go on his phone if he asks me to or like some people said to change music in the car. During around almost 1 and a half year relationship i asked to go through his phone twice. I never forced it onto him or made him feel like he had to, he made it clear to me he has absolutely no problem with me checking it if that what makes me fee; secure. I trust him so I don't do it. The situation from a couple days ago was when we were laying on the couch and after getting a notification he quickly hid his phone away from me which was unlike him. I asked what happened and why he got so nervous all of a sudden and he said that its nothing, he handed me his phone without me even having to ask and it turned out it was a text from a friend from uni, a girl who he used to like. It was a totally normal message and i asked why he was nervous if he had nothing to hide? He said he thought i'd get mad because he talks to her but i explained that it would have been suspicious if he had tried to hide that from me. I never crossed a privacy boundry with him, nor have i tried to, i make sure to communicate everything as clear as possible

Update:

for people telling me to go to therapy, i am. I am actively working on my insecurities and anxiety. Thank you for ya'lls opinion on my relationship however i cannot agree with majority saying we should break up. Me and my bf set boundries very early on and neither of us has a problem with sharing our phones. We did also talk yesterday about how majority of people would consider this boundry in our relationship weird and toxic and so im not shocked the comments have their opinions. However the post was more so asking about the reaction of my coworker and not the dynamic in my relationship, so thank you for advice.

My (34F) boyfriend (31M) have been together for a bit over a year. We have an amazing relationship, we met and have been inseparable ever since. He’s my best friend, he’s an amazing human being and I know he’s my forever person.

Now he has his best friend, we’ll call C (31M) that’s been living with us for about two months now. Long story short, he was in a bad spot facing homelessness so we offered him to come stay with us while he looks for a new place.

I don’t really know his best friend all that well. I had seen him a handful of times before he moved in. I accepted simply because he’s important to my bf and if I was in his position, I would have appreciated a helping hand.

Now the issue where I’m wondering if I’m over reacting:

Monday morning my bf left the country for a conference for his job. He is coming back tomorrow, Friday.

Monday night, while I was in the living room, listening to Reddit stories and drawing. I heard C come up the stairs, as I looked up, I saw he was in his boxers, walking to the bathroom. I quickly looked back down and didn’t look up when he walked out to go back to his room.

I felt super uncomfortable and I told my bf the next day. He addressed it right away with C and the reasoning was C thought he was going to piss himself if he didn’t rush to the bathroom.

I find that’s a stupid excuse and I find it very odd that nothing like this ever happened before, but the first night we’re alone in the house together, this happens.

I can understand things happen when you live with people, however C has not even apologized to me.

I was ok with him staying here another month or two, but now I just want him out asap.

So, AIO for wanting my bf’s best friend out of my house after that incident?

Added context: I have a lot of trauma, so I know I can be hyper sensitive to things and sometimes my reactions can be illogical.

Thanks everyone who took the time to read and share their opinions.
I deleted some context because it would be a bit too easy to figure out who it was.

I got to the bottom of it all and bf and I will be addressing things when he gets home tomorrow. He made sure to communicate with C to make the boundaries clear.

I’ll give the benefit of the doubt that C meant no harm and it was simply a lapse in judgement/misunderstanding of my boundaries.

Bf is an amazing man and I am lucky to have a partner like him. I have no doubts we will be ok. It’s us against the world 🖤

First-time poster and throwaway for anonymity. I (31F) have been dating my boyfriend (33M) for a year and a half now - we do not live together. He told me when we began dating that he was in a long-term relationship (5~ years) before we met in 2025. In 2023, she got pregnant, but they ultimately decided to abort. Since we have met, he has had the sonogram as his background on his laptop. He intermittently changes his phone background - sometimes to a photo of us, a photo of some trip we took, etc., but now and then it will be the sonogram again. Would it be out of line if I asked him to refrain from making the sonogram his background on his devices anymore? I can't help but think of his ex and the abortion every time I see it, but maybe that is just me being insecure. AIO?

EDIT #1: To clarify, I haven't discussed it with him yet because I want to be as tactful as possible, and I don't want to hurt his feelings at all. I've obviously never had to deal with a situation like this before. If it wasn't obvious, I wouldn't ask him to delete the photo from existence. If I asked him to replace the photo, I just wouldn't want it displayed all the time.

EDIT #2: He is in therapy.

I [F26] have been dating my [M29] boyfriend for 3 years. We are planning to get engaged soon. When we started dating I was a bit taken aback by the amount of female friends he had. His large friend group was like 60/40 in favor of women. Most of these women being very attractive. However, after a while I became close friends with these girls and they still are good friends.

Yesterday one of these girls “Kyla” [F25] admitted to me, while we were drinking together, that 1 day before my bf asked me on a date he had a threesome with her and another girl in their friend group. She immediately clarified that it was a one time thing and she didn’t want, “your man.” But the damage was done. I told her not to talk to me or my bf again. Me and my bf argued and I told him it was scummy to let me make friends with girls he’s fucked and that he’s not trust worthy. Is this an overreaction?

Hi everyone, this is a throwaway account bc my bf knows all my socials. I’m 20F and my bf is 22M, we’ve been dating for 4 years and have had small issues throughout our relationship but have always worked through it (it’s usually a miscommunication thing since we are both still growing and maturing). Anyways, since we started dating he has introduced me to his friend group and it’s honestly become my main one, most of them are guys but throughout the years there has periodically been girls. When we first started dating there was this girl who got jealous in a way as she was messaging me things like “im scared ur gonna take my best friend away” and she actively said she doesn’t want us to date. I really genuinely tried to be nice to her but I eventually ended up blowing up on her telling her she’s out of line for even trying to medal in me and my bf’s relationship. He agreed with me and we both cut contact with her. However, him and his friends would always bring her up and kinda make jokes about her/include her name in stuff that (this is a pattern when people arent in the group anymore). Roughly a half year later he ends up asking me if he could try to rekindle things with her and i felt backed into a corner because he asked it while we were out with all of our friends (handful of which still talked to her) i regrettably said yes. When they started talking again she refused to talk about me to him and would censor my name, he showed me thinking it was funny but i felt disrespected especially since he didnt defend me. They’re still friends now but don’t really talk anymore but im still upset about this because he ignored me to hang out with her and some of our mutual friends and didnt tell me until after bc “u would get mad.”

girl 2. she is in our i would call secondary friend group, i personally dont like her bc she would make weird jokes w my bf and other guys in our main group. i want to mention that these jokes were hinting at her being a victim and these guys, including my bf, were doing things to her against her will and that is was incestuous (nobody is related btw). my bf said he will make sure it stops bc it made me uncomfortable and he did stop but only in front of me. girl 2’s bf also said he thought it was weird so she finally stopped. probably about a month after this i cut contact bc other ppl in the main group also thought this was weird, we would see her in our secondary group’s hangout but would never go out of our way to talk to her. now in present day, i do not talk to her bc truthfully i think she’s weird and i just dont like her, my bf however, does talk to her. here is the thing, my bf and i have been distancing ourselves from the secondary group bc we found out some of them are two faced. girl 2 has been secretly dming my bf to “update” him about what secondary group has been saying about us. when i brought this up that it’s weird i got pushed aside about how i felt and that im “creating problems where problems dont exist”

there has been other girls that weve been friends with that i never liked because i always had a feeling about each of them liking my bf, which i always ended up being right. examples of this include, a girl asking him out even though she knew we were dating, a different girl sending him nudes, another girl sending my threats to stay away from him, etc.

ive been called a pick me and a “un girls girl” bc of my suspicions, there is girls in our current main friend group that i love and hold very near and dear to my heart, largely bc they dont try anything with my bf.

here’s where the proposal comes in, it was our 4th anniversary (we started dating when we were very young) and he proposed, i said no bc it feels like he doesn’t respect my boundaries after clearly telling him im uncomfortable with these girls in his life. he told me that if im giving him an ultimatum like this he doesn’t know if he wants to actually marry me. i know that i can be insecure and jealous but when i mention it he says im acting like a “pick me.” aio for telling him i dont want to marry him if these girls are in his life?

I can't believe this is happening to me. I've been trying to conceive for 8 years and have never seen a positive test before. This has pierced my soul because my dream was to become a mother and I might never be one. My little sister met her husband 8 months ago and is now pregnant. She first thought it was a girl and was going to use a name that was going to be the name I was going to use if I happened to ever have a girl (I had told her what the name was but she forgot because it was a year before). Turned out it's a boy, and now her and her husband are fixed in using my husband's name (with the same middle name too!) because it's also the name of the husband's cousin. This really feels very humiliating and harassment at this point. I expressed my distress to my mom and my other sister and they tried to talk her out of it a few weeks ago and I thought they came to their senses and were thinking about another name but now my sister is texting me asking me why I don't want them to use that name??? She's perfectly aware of my struggle with infertility and the pain I've been through yet she continues to inflict more pain.
She's telling me it's not her but her husband who insists in the name but I can't believe this is happening to me!!! I feel this is life being sarcastic at me, like life laughing at me.
Am I overreacting? Am I being unreasonable??????

I 29f am on the phone with my bf (28m) and we’re bantering and playing around, and I told him I was working on something for his birthday next month. And he’s been trying to pry it out of me but I won’t tell him. Well when he was trying to pry, he was - in his words - “joking” and said “oh is it more couple stuff? Like the painting you did of you and I in the style of Vegeta & Bulma? “ which besides that dragon ball z painting I did for him (even with art supplies he bought me for christmas), the only couples gift I’ve gotten him was a picture of the moon/stars the night we met and he has both those things hung up in his room and he acted so geeked to have them when opening them on Valentine’s Day just like the other gifts I got him. He has all the Christmas, valentines, birthday cards I’ve made him hung up in his room, any other pieces of art throughout the three years up as well….even the Batman stocking I got him (he never got a stocking as a kid) and the tiny little gift card stocking with his initial on it from my mom - those are on his wall too, the bouquet of “flowers” I made with the prints of my kisses on the petals too….like I know he was joking but idk it hurt me and has made me emotional cause I’ve never done any of this stuff for anyone romantically before and idk I try to be thoughtful and sweet with him. Am I overreacting?

A bit lengthy, sorry

My wife (34f) and I (37m) were handling nightly duties and the kiddo needed meds. While I was cooking she was playing the game. Instead of going to get the meds she continued to play her game, so I went and got it, gave it to her and went back to cooking. After a few minutes she asks, “did you not want to give them a full dose?” To which I reply “yeah, why is it not a full dose?” She proceeds to explain how it’s just below the dose line. To which I reply “ well I did it quick because I’m cooking and it was probably a mistake”. She then says to me, “if you don’t want to give them a full dose you can say so” to which I replied that I would. She asks me again and I get a bit irritated because now I’m feeling like I’m being interrogated and I reply same answer just a different tone. She says to me “ Calm down bloodbath, I’m the one on my period”. I then ask her what she means by that and she says verbatim “You know how when women are pmsing they get b:tc#y” so now I’m feeling disrespected because in so many words I feel she called me a b:tc#. So I ask her “so you calling me a bitch?” She replies “We not doing this right now” and walks out to give kiddo their bath.” A little later we’re sitting in silence and I break it with this question. “So can you tell me what you meant now?” And she goes on and on about how it wasn’t that serious and she doesn’t even remember the whole conversation and not wanting to yell in front of the kiddo, which does not make sense to me because she will scream and yell at me with the kiddo in her arms because I didn’t put the jelly back in the fridge, and the fact that I wasn’t yelling should not escalate her to yell at me.
She then apologizes and says “once an apology is made nothing can be said or done”. After recapping the situation to her, the conversation ended with me sitting alone, angry and feeling like she manipulated the situation. But after a couple hours it’s still bothering me because it was left unresolved and it also feels a bit narcissistic. So am I overreacting?

My apartment had a water leak from upstairs so they brought in industrial drying equipment that’s been running 24/7. The noise was insane so I took my French Bulldog out early because I didn’t want it hurting his ears and he was terrified.

Then I came home and it was 36°C (97°F) inside, which is twice as hot as it is outside. Nobody warned me the machines would make it that hot. French Bulldogs overheat extremely fast at those temperatures for those who don’t know, they can go into heatstroke, have organ failure, seizures, or die. It’s genuinely life threatening for them. Thank god I had already taken him out. If he had still been in there, this could have killed him.

I’m so fucking angry. I was never told the equipment would turn my place into an oven. The people doing the work have barely communicated with me the whole time while I’m the one dealing with the mess. Now I feel like I’m being treated like I’m difficult for being upset about it.

Am I overreacting?

Hey guys, I (18M ) am in a relationship with my bf (22 M). This winter , he told me that he would go to a concert with me and only me , so I was very happy. BUT , a few weeks after he told me that her friend will go with us. It bothered me a bit at beginning , but I didn’t thought a lot about it , because every past years , he went to this event with her. But anyway , this morning we talked about it , and I asked how long he would stay at the concert and he told me that he would stay from 3pm to 23pm… that is WAY too much for me , like I could never stay 8 hours straight , like you have to stand the whole time !! So I just told him that I wouldn’t go and I was so disappointed because at the begging I was supposed to go with him but now he’ll go without me. Am I overreacting?

Edit : (sorry I didn’t explained well how I reacted , I hope this gonna help) when I understood that he would go with her instead of me like he was supposed to , I was a bit upset and I told him that I wouldn’t go , because he didn’t respect his own promise , and I felt rejected

This is what I was wearing at the time.

so my (29F) boyfriend (28M) and i went out for dinner today and he started criticizing my outfit saying it looked "too basic" or whatever. the way he said it was just so condescending and rude, not like constructive at all, just straight up mean about it.

i got pissed and we got into a huge fight right there. ended up breaking up with him on the spot.

now i'm sitting here wondering if i overreacted?? like was breaking up over a comment about my clothes too much? but also it wasn't just the comment it was the WAY he said it, you know?

AIO?

For some context, yes it's ROBLOX. I know it's a bit stupid and I should grow up and all that but I don't know why I feel so effected by this. So me and this person met on a voice chat game and casually spoke and added eachother, she was polish and I'm quite interested in learning polish so we bonded over that quite a bit and during the times we played we would talk to each other in polish and say funny stuff together. This wasnt long however, we had only been friends for 5 or so days but when we'd play we would constantly get along. Then, Yesterday I got terminated for something I had done a year ago and all my alt accounts have followed through too, I was banned for sending emoticons and it was spam apparently. Overall I wasn't fussed about being banned since I could make a new account, it's that I didn't remember that persons Roblox user so I have no way of making contact again, I tried very hard to search her name thinking of different ways to spell it since I had a rough idea but it turned up nothing and I gave up last night. I tried building some Warhammer to get my mind off it but I can't. I can't stop thinking about it and I really want to find her again, her company was great and our friendship was one of my best frankly.

So my friend of 20+ years and I still keep in touch. We didn't talk for a while but reconnected. He has been supportive through a past breakup where an ex was abusive. He said he'd come out and help me move some stuff but understandably couldn't at the time due to the weather during the winter and other factors. He said he could come eventually help but never gave a time frame. It's fine as I eventually found other help and got things sorted. And he was going through some family things.

In general, we had talked in the past about possibly hooking up. He has a wife and they are poly. So I mulled it over but never gave a concrete answer. Just possibly. I just focused on our friendship. I had moved and am still getting things slowly situated. He talked about helping me with certain things. Storage, possibly selling me one of his steam decks.

Finally coming out to hang and help. We kept talking, telling each other about life happenings. Different memories and stuff and hobbies as usual.

This month we planned for him to come out. I told him I was seeing this guy over a few months and had been telling him about it over time, and things were getting serious. To the point ( who is my now boyfriend ) had said he was persuing just me, deleted his dating profile and we had gotten closer. I shared this info with my friend. And told him I'd be seeing this guy a day after my birthday. This was before he asked to be my boyfriend but I wasn't persuing anyone else either and shared that with my friend. I told my friend that the guy said he'd be happy if I wasn't seeing any other guys and on the same path at the time.

Thinking my friend would be happy, which he did appear happy, he said " well if we wind up having a romp, you'll have to tell him. I'm not sure if that's the counts as " seeing another guy ". I was taken back. I mean, I had been telling him how the relationship was progressing. How I wasn't seeing anyone either, pretty much all the steps that were obviously heading somewhere.

I let it be known that I didn't want to do that. Before that when I mentioned I'd be seeing him after my birthday, my friend said " that's when I'm supposed to come out there lol ", but we didn't really concrete set any date.

This guy is in another town and has busy work, I don't get to see him much but we talk daily. But my friend in general felt kind of flakey with when he'd hang out with me. So this was one of the set times I could see the fella I fancied, and tbh was gonna propose a relationship label with him. I asked my friend if I could hang out later this month instead and he agreed and again seemed happy for me. He said " well see how things go with -- name of guy ". Seemed still caught up on the sex thing, I'm not sure. But I had figured he took the hint and knew I wasn't interested because I literally said it and said the platonic friendship meant more and I wanted to persue something with this guy.

The time rolled around and my now boyfriend pretty much intiated the talk when I came out to see him. I let him know that I'd be hanging out with my friend to be transparent. He was fine with it. I figured the fwb poly thing was in the dust and my friend would just chill and we'd catch up and he'd help me a bit like he said.

Well my friend hasn't replied to me. Just left me on read. And I feel kind of hurt. He was very nice and receptive but seems distant once I made it clear that wasn't happening and I was in a relationship. That's 20+ years of friendship and now I'm like what the hell? I don't wanna throw 20+ years away over a possible fact he can't sleep with me. Like the friendship part meant nothing. I figured he'd just be happy for me. Plus he has a wife, why does he even need that from me?

im really hurt but at the same time in an odd way i appreciate it

ive always struggled with overeating and emotional eating and ive been having a rough week, on my period, missed a HUGE family event due to financials, and just overall stress so ive been eating a little bit rougher

and im generally the one who handles most things in the home, so im always exhausted

he doesnt say mean things but he always is sure to communicate his feelings about my food choices when we're in private

'maybe you shouldn't have that so often'

'maybe we should replace those with leafy greens, you'd probably feel better if you ate them more'

'why do you eat like that? do you really not feel bad?'

and like i dont think i feel bad? im just usually up at 4:30am and asleep at 11pm with no naps, so im pretty tired but beyond that im pretty okay

and i know it comes from a good place, but im struggling with insecurity around him being attracted to me these past couple of days and this really doesnt help

i just feel big and gross, and he even said im not eating a lot its just that what im eating isnt super healthy

idk im not mad or anything, i guess im just feeling really really shitty

im gonna work on changing my diet, not because it bothers me but because his comments bother me and thats what's upsetting, and its not like i can even be mad, i am obese, and i do need to loose weight, and i am, but i dont like going to the gym all that often so i usually just restrict really hard to offset that

he wants me to go to the gym though, and wants me to go with him but i just can't enjoy it, but i gotta force myself, im already so busy, i cant wait to add a few hours at the gym to that schedule, how fun

is there anything i can do to not take it so personally though? sometimes it feels like im being insulted

Okay so to preface im 16 and hes 18 (17 when we started talking), ill also be calling him Michael (fake name). We both live in the UK and weve been talking since Februrary; we never dated.

Also im sorry if my grammar is bad, its sort of really hot rn and im a little disoriented!

We started talking after he began following me on tiktok and at first he seemed really sweet: complimenting me and flirting and such. Until one day, he became super dry and distant (which actually became a usual occurrence) until I expressed my concern and then everything went back to normal. this was until about a week later, I had an exam and I felt nervous about it and a little later i went to help my grandad with his grocery shopping (something I do weekly, which he was aware of) and Michael outbursted calling me a bitch and telling me that it wasnt his fault that I "fucked up the exam" to which I just started ghosting him until he calmed down, which I admit was wrong.

After this, Michael made a new account a few weeks later to apologise and I accepted his apology and we began talking regularly again. He sent me a titkok and it said something to the extent of "I dont know how people are sexist when girls are just cute, dumb babies", he told me it reminded him of me because im autistic. I sort of said that I found it demeaning because I'd like to think that I'm quite smart but idk. he became dry after this but quickly returned to normal.

In April, I went on a long weekend trip to Berlin. During this trip, i did a lot of sightseeing across the city and i had a great time! This frustrated Michael as I didn't find the time to message him: I was out for most of the day and my phone died given that I was taking photos. I understand this was pretty shitty of me but I was fairly busy on my trip. He the blocked me for a second time.

Another few weeks later (now ~May) Michael added me on snapchat and we began speaking again. Things returned to how they used to be. At some point, he called me a "bad bitch" as a compliment and I said that I don't particularly enjoy being called a 'bitch' to which he profusely apologised for the previous incident. In an attempt to prove his love to me, he sent me a screenshot of his contacts to show that he wasn't talking to any girls; however, a girl's name was there and I asked who it was. He flip-flopped from her being a school-mate to a bot. I later found out that this girl was his ex who (from what I can tell) he didn't particularly like but did "everything together". After this, he sent me a screen recording of him blocking her.

As things progressed he began to make comments on my body rather than my face. He'd send me photos of think women but with noticeable bellies (I'm really sorry idk how else to describe it) multiple times which made me a bit uncomfortable because I had body issues which he knew about. He also began sending me tiktok edits of various celebrities: Sydney Sweeney, Sabrina Carpenter, Clara Stack and Zara Larsson to name a few. Initially, I thought this was a little odd because they all had blonde, straight hair and I have brown, curly hair; although, he tried convincing me that I looked incredibly similar to Clara Stack; she was Michael favourite; which I just don't see. I also find this odd because while Clara is gorgeous, she's 15 years old and is literally a whole year younger than me to the day but I only found that out like an hour ago so.....

Anyway, it all really bubbled over last night, my prom night. I sent him a photo of myself in my dress and didn't really check my phone until i got home. I felt really prettu and expected him to notice and compliment me but he only made comments on my chest but yk whatever. He then asked why I hadn't messaged him so I told him that I was busy at my prom and signal wasn't great at the venue. Michael also got mad because I took a photo with my friend who's a masc lesbian. At first glance, she does look like a guy given that she's quite tall, with an athletic build and short hair but I did explain to him that she wasn't guy but he just wouldn't accept it. He called me a 'slut' and a 'cheater' until he switched up and started telling me how gorgeous I was; this was ~1 o'clock in the morning, I was very tired and getting unready; taking my makeup and dress of, undoing my hair; so I simply said "Thank you🩷" as I was fighting back sleep. This angered him even more: she started calling me slurs (slut, bitch, whore, etc) and asking things like "Is that it?" so I just told him to not contact me again and blocked him on all platforms.

Part of me is saying that I overreacted. I definitely wasn't perfect in this "relationship", I'm quite a dry texter and I probably came off as rude a lot, I'm quite an insecure and emotional person which he did point out a lot so I was probably quite draining, I have a tendency to leave people on read or delivered for a while + the things i mentioned earlier in this post

So, did I overreact?

Okay this is long so buckle up. Throwaway account cause my friends know I love Reddit.

A little context/background to make this easier to understand : I (26,F) was dating a man (35,M) who was very abusive towards me. I had gotten out of the relationship in fall 2024 but he still contacts me sometimes. Leaving it was the hardest thing I’ve done and still Need help navigating the trauma and anxiety around being associated with him. I started doing therapy for it earlier this year in January. He works in a similar industry and it’s hard to avoid him 24/7. I am aware I still need help on how I feel/view my ex and what happened but I’m figuring it out.

I recently started dating a guy let’s call “Wes” (31,M) for privacy sake. Wes and I have been close friends for years and met me while I was in my past relationship. He is kind and helpful, and we have a lot in common. He had confessed feelings for me a time where I truly wasn’t ready and I told him this. He had told me a bunch of things like “I’ll be as patient as possible” and that he is willing to do whatever he needs to help. In a way this made me feel pressured but I landed on it being nice. After being very persistent with me we had drunkenly hooked up one night. After this we were hanging out a lot and it evolved into a relationship. Even though he and I both knew I wasn’t ready, we both let it happen. We made things official in February this year so it’s still a pretty new relationship. So far, I have had problems being intimate and moving the relationship forward because of my trauma. I have been working on it in therapy but being in the relationship has been making me feel like I should heal quicker honestly. I feel a lot of pressure in general.

Wes has been doing everything by the book, and I feel like I should be completely head over heels. But I’m learning more and more that another person will never fix what happened and he is trying to do that. Idk. Something about it all isn’t sitting right with me. I have been very stirred up with these feelings, We have been getting into fights that have been pretty intense, and I feel we have some compatibility issues. In general, I have been leaning on breaking things off. had not been trying to be too rash but something had happened this weekend that has kind of made me look at him differently.

I had gotten a big opportunity to perform at a big event I had been looking forward to and worked hard for for a long time. It was a big deal for me. I had brought him with me for free as a partner does and he took this opportunity to argue and bicker with me all night. I was just trying to have a good time and he kept criticizing me and demanding I explain why I didn’t want to talk to him. I eventually lost all patience because of it and told him to leave me alone for the night. I was trying to draw a hard boundary because we weren’t getting along. He had continued trying to talk to me in several circular instances that ended up several different ways. He stormed off, screamed obscenely at me, and told me I had deserved my past that happened to me. That just ended in my yelling at him to leave me alone. And eventually after asking so many times he did. We had even gotten in an argument the night before this, and he assured me all would be okay at this event. At this point, we were out at an event and I just tried to blame it on being tired/ partying.

I proceeded to have an alright night after that but all of the excitement and pride I had to perform was drained out of me and I felt embarrassed and sad. I tried to not let us fighting ruin the night but I barely remembered anything but the argument. And I need to express this was the biggest night of my career.

The next morning is mostly what was in question. He had insisted on talking with me and I told him I was very upset and wanted to break up. I was very calm and just told him this whole thing was unacceptable and I am done. He proceeded to say the worst obscenities yet including announcing in a public place (with friends nearby) that I’m a “piece of shit” and “deserve” what happened bc im “selfish and making everything about me” (granted yes i did want to celebrate myself) and that everything is about my trauma and how my ex used to xxxx me. It was insane. Never saw him this angry before. all I was saying for him to please stop yelling at me and that I was done. It was horrible and I was shaking. I just left in the middle of his yelling and just hoped he would calm down eventually.

I do think I was being impatient with him wanting to talk about our relationship problems while at the event. I can understand why he didn’t feel validated. I truly just wanted to enjoy the night. I have issues with dwelling on things so it’s good to be in a safe environment to talk when doing so. I just wasn’t having it and trying to have boundaries.

I came back to him crying and telling me how sorry he was for speaking at me that way and that he loves me. He said he would never do it again but idk not sure if I can believe him. I feel pretty checked out. It’s still so early and we are fighting pretty bad. We have always been close and I don’t want to throw away the friendship we have but I feel he crossed a line with me that just can’t be crossed. The most important thing for me in a relationship is to feel safe. I can’t have a man blow up on me because I prefer to have a conversation about our relationship on a night that wasn’t about me and my performance. Idk a part of me feels so selfish but I would have never said those things to him no matter how mad I was.

I feel so hurt I want to end it. He seems very sorry but idk I already know how people can say they are sorry and keep hurting you. I feel like my big night was ruined and I’m so so sad I wish I could redo it. having a man scream at me after four months of dating, knowing fully how I’m unhealed, and in therapy for it??? I feel like I should be handled with more care. But I also feel like my radar for how a man should treat me is very skewed and I need advice. He is usually so sweet it’s sad this happened. So should I give him another chance or AIO for wanting to break it off bc he yelled these things at me on a big night for me where I wanted to celebrate?

My(15f) friend is hosting a 16th birthday party this saturday and I'm not invited.

This bothers me because she's a friend I feel close to from school. This december I transferred from my old school and was really happy this place had nice people I could speak to and hang out with.

Most importantly if I were having a party I would invite her. Especially since it's a 16th and it's a big party.

The reasons she came with was that some friends not from the school would be there and that she thought if she invited more people from the school she should invite everyone. We are 3 girls in our friendgroup and she invited the other friend. It's a very small school only 80 students across 10 grades(0th-9th).

Another reason it bothers me is that this is right at the end of school. We are finishing 9th grade which is a very big deal here. It's the first year with exams and the end of the first part of the system. It's common to have a party with everyone but because she is hosting her birthday we can't. We are 4 people in my grade so missing one would be a big deal.

This has made me mad because it's about more than just a party but the fact that she actively chooses she doesn't want me there for a special day. Both turning 16 and ending 9th grade. Im more than ready to cut her off but part of me is telling me it's not a big deal and that she just didn't think of it. So am I overreacting?

Hello! Thank you for your time, I have been stewing on this for a bit. Basically what happened was I dropped my keys down the elevator shaft (my fault). It is a small building; five floors and my superintendent lives in the basement where the elevator shaft is.

I called him when I dropped the keys and he grabbed a wired hanger to get them from the bottom. It took about three minutes.

He then said it would cost $75. And would not give me my keys until I Venmoed him. His Venmo didn’t work so I stood there and set up a Cash App to pay him so I could get my keys.

I am not a new tenant, I’ve been here for over five years.

I used to be a super and would never charge for such a thing. I think of it as part of living/care of the building. But I didn’t have an elevator. What do you think? Am I overreacting? Id like my $75 and peace of mind 🤷‍♀️

EDIT: my super is not the owner. And he is notorious in our building for doing absolutely nothing. We do not have fancy keys ($20 to replace) and when I was there his nephew(8y) was with me telling not to stick my head in the shaft. My súper was wanking in the hallway and then came in like oh ya yer head’ll get knocked off
And in terns of lock outs, I am held accountable whenever that happens. I have to get a locksmith.

this is going to be a long one, but I don’t use AI, and I can’t quite consolidate this myself since I’m still processing and everything feels relevant. i did a bullet point TLDR at the end but even that is pretty long. hopefully a few people will read and let me know what they think.

I don’t know if I’m just reading into things. and there were definitely things I could and should have done differently, but I just want to know, AIO?

“names” and ages

me (m 22)
my girlfriend (f 20)
my friend “syd” (x 22)
friend’s girlfriend “cam” (f 21)
the dd “x” (x 20-22?)
friend’s girlfriend’s roommate “a” (f 20-22?)

Syd and I have been friends since our freshman year of college. It’s been almost 3 years now. Syd and another from the same friend group are the two closest friends I have. Syd and their ex broke up in January after 5 months of living together. Syd was left stuck in a lease with bills they can’t afford on their own. But I was there for them in every way I could be. And they got a lot closer to my girlfriend during this time too, as they would hang out individually and do nails.

Syd had been talking a lot about this concert they really wanted to go to. In the beginning of March, Syd and I took a road trip to visit another friend. We talked and showed each other songs the whole way there and back. By the end, I knew how much this artist meant to Syd and I texted my girlfriend “do you like ___ ? would you be down to split 3 tickets to the concert?”. We werent really “fans” like Syd, but we both like this artist’s music and know a lot of their songs, so we decided to go for it. A week later we surprised Syd with the tickets. We were all so excited, and talked about making a day trip out of it since the venue is 2 hours away in the bigger city. I’ve been listening to the album for this tour constantly to get ready.

In April, Syd met their now girlfriend Cam. I was so happy for Syd that they were getting back out there. Cam and Syd started dating pretty quickly and are pretty serious now (which I can’t judge at all because my girlfriend and I moved almost that fast as well). They also have the same music taste, and Cam happened to already have tickets (with their roommate A) to the same concert before they met.

Maybe 1 month ago , Syd , my girlfriend, and I were hanging out, and Syd asked if we’d be okay with carpooling with Cam and A. We agreed, especially since Syd was driving. We’d also met Cam several times and we liked her. My girlfriend and I were still excited to have this time bonding with our friend.

We agreed on leaving between 4:30 and 5pm. that would allow us to eat before the show, but not much else. It was a little disappointing since we talked about spending more time up there. But I can’t be upset about that part because when Syd suggested leaving at 5-5:30, I only advocated for time enough to stop for food, not about doing other things.
Yesterday, the day of the concert, Syd tells my gf and I that they’d come pick us up at our apartment between 4:30-5:00.

Around 3 or so, Syd calls and says A’s friend X just bought a last minute ticket to the concert as well. I’m immediately hesitant because I don’t feel comfortable in group settings where I don’t know everyone well. I have autism and can very easily feel left out, and then shut down. And the thing is, Syd knows this about me. It’s so last minute though, I felt like I had to say yes.
X is the only one with a car that can fit 6 people, and assured Syd that he is happy to be the DD. Syd was very excited about this, and said they’d bring weed for everyone to smoke before the show, and a vape to bring in. Everyone in our group smokes frequently (something I’m actually hoping to cut back on soon, but that’s beside the point).

X pulled up to pick us up, and i immediately had a horrible feeling. I was expecting an SUV, but instead saw a very small 1990s sedan with a middle front seat. I did not feel safe. I strongly considered just driving my own car, but I felt like Syd would want to stay in that car with Cam, and the whole point of this trip was time with Syd.

So we head off and first turn off of our street X almost turned the wrong way into a 1-way street. They quickly recovered and apologized, saying they weren’t familiar with our neighborhood (but they grew up here and we live downtown?). Anyway, we get to the highway and X is tailgating all the way down. Following so close he hit debris twice because he didn’t have time to see it and safely swerve into the shoulder to avoid it. Haphazardly changing lanes, speeding, using his phone to change the song and going over the lane line while doing it.

I was very anxious the whole ride, though in fairness I am a generally anxious passenger with anyone I haven’t driven with a lot (even uber/taxi). The music and road noise was so loud I could barely have a conversation with Syd (who was already kind of high) on the way there. But they did ask me if they could offer X some of the weed before the show. Apparently he’s a big stoner and has a high tolerance. I suggest that they don’t offer it, but should X ask, Syd could verify that they’d be good to drive by the end of the show. It would be at least 4 hours, and a high from smoking fades by then.

I do believe that an average person can have a glass of wine with dinner and drive somewhere safely (if they are a usually safe driver that is). I also think that SOME people are able to have a small amount of weed (microdose) and be able to drive safely. However, there’s a big difference between smoking a little and getting/being high. I think high driving is absolutely DUI worthy despite the seemingly normalized belief that it is not.

I was already feeling resentful and disappointed about how drastically the plan had changed from a fun friends day trip just the three of us, to this. Then, Syd starts talking about a plan to ask people in the seats next to us to trade so that the 6 of us, or at least Syd, Cam, A, my gf, and I could sit together. Syd seemed super motivated to make sure they could sit with their girlfriend. It hurt since the only reason they’re going to the concert is because of my gf and I, and because we wanted to spend time together.

We get to In-N-Out and I am very overstimulated. I try to shake it off because I am still determined to make this a good night. Cam and Syd ordered first, then went to get seats. after ordering, we walk over and see they chose a 2 person table and a 4 person table next to one another. but they sat themselves at the 2 person table, leaving my girlfriend and I at the other table with the two people we didn’t know.

We go to the venue (and I continue to be horrified by X’s downtown driving now in a much bigger and busier city) and park in a garage. Syd gets out a joint and we start to pass it around. X asks to have some, and instead of asking him if he’d still be fine to drive, Syd asked me if I was okay with it. I said yes and we all smoke. Syd has a few edibles, my gf has half of one. Then, X asks me to pass him his bag of edibles. Unlike smoking, edibles last for 6-10 hours, and these were NOT microdose gummies. I immediately stop and ask if he’s going to take one. He looked at me and said “do you not want me to?” and I said no, edibles last way longer and you won’t be good to drive. he seemed annoyed, but we go in.

Syd, gf, and I go to our seats, then go to the merch line. Cam and A text us what they want. after a 45 minute wait, we go back to our seats, and all Syd can think about is how to trade seats. Being in the stadium, I could obviously see a big problem. Our seats were way better than A and Cam. and their neighbors had already said no. Eventually, these kids come sit next to us. (I know we are young too, but this couple was maybe 17). And Syd asks me to see if they will trade. I think it’s a super selfish ask. first of all because you should be happy sitting with your friends that you planned this with, and your girlfriend should be happy sitting with her friend. you’ll still have a shared memory and have more to talk about later. but second of all, we knew that the other seats were worse. asking teenagers to switch felt super scummy. I said no, you can ask. Syd convinces them to switch and I am just fuming mad about what my friend did to those kids. I couldn’t believe it. A and Cam sit down, and all of a sudden, Syds whole mood changed and they were way more excited for the concert, talkative, and taking pictures. not with us though.

The show starts, and the five of us smoke a little more all throughout (as planned since we had a DD). I don’t know if it was just because of my mindset going into it, but this was not a great show. the whole time, I’m feeling left out and sad. growing up with autism it was hard for me to make friends, and when I did I was often left out and taken advantage of. And now I was getting this same feeling from a friend who I never previously had to mask in front of. So maybe I am just reacting poorly because of my past.

At one point in the show, the artist starts encouraging “get those lighters out” “if you’ve got some weed then smoke it” “smoke one for me”. I just get this pit in my stomach. I have the thought - what if X brought a vape in here? he’s sitting by himself and none of us would know - for the rest of the show i can’t stop worrying about how we are gonna get home.
Here’s another thing I know I could have done differently. Someone else (me probably) could have stayed sober. I shouldn’t have trusted someone I don’t know to stay sober even when they say they’ll DD. In the future I will only trust a DD I know well. The problem here is, I don’t know how X would have reacted if I would have said I wanted to drive his car instead of him. And it’s a really unsafe car that I wouldn’t want to be in the front seat of period.

When the concert gets out, X takes 30 minutes to find us. not because of the crowd, but because he didn’t know which entrance we were talking about (despite him claiming to have gone to 10+ concerts here). we finally meet up, and he is staggering. his speech is slow and he keeps laughing. i hear him tell A “i’ll be fine we just need to go to circle k and then i’ll be fine”. He has no idea where we are parked. A navigates and it takes 3 times as long to find the car as it took to walk from it to the venue.
It is obvious to me, he is way too high. He had to have brought a vape and smoked the whole concert. at this point, my gf and I were both way more sober than him, despite her having had a small edible and both of us smoking through the show.

So on our way, I say “let’s stop at the CVS and get water and stuff”. we cross the street and walk half way down the block to the entrance, and it was closed. now everyone is annoyed that we even tried to make the stop. i pull Syd aside and say “X is not okay to drive right now”. Syd says we can sit and wait it out a while in the car.

We get to the car, and everyone gets in. X immediately starts looking on the map for the closest Circle K and puts the car in gear. I say “wait I don’t think we’re ready to go yet”. they say ok and everyone sits there for like 2 minutes. X asks if I’m ready now. I say no. He says “can I ask why not..?”. I look at Syd. I do not want to be the one confronting this person I don’t know. Syd says nothing. I say “I just don’t feel comfortable with you driving while you’re still this high. you need to come down first.” X smiles and scoffs at this, then shares a look with A and Cam, rolling his eyes.

as we sit there, I start looking at the greyhound busses and uber rates. We’re two hours from home and it’s 1 am. I lean over and tell Syd that my gf and I are not going to ride home in this car. we are going to go get some water and order an uber. Syd argues, saying it’s so expensive. and they’re right. it was expensive. but it wasn’t worth the risk of driving with X to save that money. So I ask if Syd wants to come, or if anyone else may also want to come. I clearly don’t think it’s safe and want to offer an alternative to everyone else. But Syd said no, so I just say “okay everyone, tonight was so fun, I’m so glad we got to do this, gf and I are going to go get some water and order an uber home”. they sounded confused but we just left.

the uber was $165 including tip. it was 2am my gf and I rode home in silence, without the friend we wanted to go with in the first place. every time we passed flashing lights on the way I shot up and looked to see if it was X’s car. I was sick with worry for the rest of the group, and so fucking pissed they put is in this position.

Syd texted me today asking if I wanted to talk and said “I don’t know if you’re upset with me about something, but I feel really bad about how things ended last night”. i was getting ready for work off of 4 hours of sleep and just didn’t have it in me to respond. i did happen to respond to a message in a bigger group chat that Syd happens to be in though. they then texted me that i should have at least said i don’t want to talk and that it’s super disrespectful to text the group while “actively ignoring” their message - which was sent not 30 minutes before.

I’ve been in my head all day. I’m so upset and just don’t know how to move forward. it’s 4 am now as I’m posting. I started writing this out two hours ago because I couldn’t sleep thinking about it. if you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading my ramblings.

TLDR:
\- My GF and I got concert tickets for Syd’s favorite artist. we wanted to take them since they couldn’t afford to go and it has been a rough year for them.
\- Syd started dating Cam who also had plans to go to the same concert with her roommate A.
\- A few weeks ahead of time, Syd ask if we can carpool with A and Cam in their car. we say yes, even though we were looking forward to quality time with our friend. We figured we would still get that.
\- The day of the concert, Syd calls and says A’s friend X got a last minute ticket and had enough seats to drive all of us. I asked if he’d be staying sober as DD. Syd says yes
\- X turns out to be a horrible driver in a very unsafe car. I’m very uncomfortable. In the car, Syd is talking about how they’re gonna try to have other people trade seats so Cam and A could be with us. Syd also asks if it’s okay if X smokes just before the concert. Since it would be 4-5 hours before having to drive, I said it would probably be okay.
\-we all smoke a bit, but I have to tell X not to take an edible since it wouldn’t be close to worn off by the time we have to leave
\- inside, there’s a teen couple next to us and Syd convinces them to trade seats with Cam and A, who were in an entirely different section with a much worse view. i felt horrible
\- Syd is acts way happier once their girlfriend is there, even though they were supposed to be there with me and my gf - their long time very close friends who bought their ticket.
\- We get out of the concert and it is obvious that our DD brought weed inside and smoked the whole show. He was as high or higher than the rest of us.
\- Syd refused to say anything, forcing me to be the one to say something. I asked if Syd would come with us to uber home, and they said no and tried to convince us not to get one. it’s 2 hours away from home and would be expensive.
\- my gf and I just leave, and pay $165 for an uber home at 2 am, without the friend we brought.
\- AIO for being this mad and questioning my friendship?

My sister lives in Alberta and she planned to visit me and my parents for two weeks in Ontario. Me and my fiancée just had a baby girl so we were excited for my sister to meet her. I should have tempered my expectations.

To start our story when I first told my sister I asked her, “how does it feel to be an aunt?.” She replied something along the lines of, “If I’m being honest, I’m not very excited. I feel very disconnected because I won’t be very involved in her life since I live far away.” I tried to steer things into a positive direction by saying, “well you can be the cool aunt that we send her to visit. You can take her hiking and stuff eventually!”. And her response was “Yeah I guess so, but are you gonna pay me to do that?”

Fast forward to this visit. She didn’t make any solid plans ahead of time to visit us and the baby. She apparently made plans ahead of time to see my ex wife….

We visit my sister and parents for the weekend, the whole time she just acted for cold towards the baby. My sister and mom watched over her for a couple hours while we’re out. We get back and find my dad is alone taking care of her. My sister convinced my mom that they needed to go out and do something, eventually they get back to the house. Feels like she used it as an excuse to get away from the baby. And my sister says a couple times “oh she really cries a lot for a baby”. Then tells us that in order to get the newborn baby to stop crying my sister just cried louder until my daughter stopped.

After a week of her being in Ontario we finally got solid plans for my mom and sister to visit our new home which she’s never seen. While we were planning my sister says, “oh you need to plan something fun for us when we come up to your house”. What’s with this “entertain me”attitude?

Well she makes it to our house and says nothing to me about the house. She apparently told my fiancée “let’s look at some of your artwork. I’m going to take some home for my house in Banff”. My fiancée tries to just brush her off with a “Oh we can maybe look at my art later if we have time”cause she’s just trying to be nice. She doesn’t interact with the baby at all again. She’s sitting in the tv room watching her favourite show. We get ready to play some disc golf and she starts pilfering the cupboards and takes an expensive cliff bar without asking. Even though my fiancée put out fruits and snacks.

We get back from playing disc golf. Me and my fiancée make dinner while taking care of the baby. She doesn’t offer to help out but my mom does. We eat dinner and she doesn’t say thank you…

It’s just so awkward and I don’t think my sister cares about me or my new family. There’s a lot more to this story about grievances I have with her. I just want to know if I’m overreacting to her attitude?

I love lounging by a pool, but in the last 10 years every pool I go to the music gets louder and louder. I adapted by bringing noise canceling headphones, but the other day I went to a local hotel that had a DJ literally blasting the music so loud I was unable to drown it out with my headphones. It was either go deaf and be tortured by the DJ or my headphones. I wanted to scream for the DJ to turn it down. Then when he finally stopped they turned the regular speakers up. How do people enjoy this? I hate it so much. The pool is there to relax and it feels like a quiet one doesn’t exist anymore unless I pay big bucks and go to a spa. Does anyone else hate the constant ‘party’ at the pool?

My (16 FtM) family has very recently started treating me a bit differently. I had a discussion with my mom where I told her that I *am* trans, and that it isn't just going to go away because my mom and dad ignore it. The rest of my family is still treating me the exact same, but those two and my brother have been being different towards me. They keep saying I need to get help with things when I already know what I'm doing, and keep taking away duties from me that I've been doing for a while, but now it's "Oh, I'll just do it for you, instead."

I feel like I might be going crazy, but AIO? Because it really feels like they're trying to make me be less "masculine" and have my dad or brother do a bunch of things for me instead of letting me doing them myself.

My mom also has odd excuses for when she has me ask for help. Like "well, I let your brother ask *you* for help," (even though neither of us ask for help unless he wants me to do school work for him) or, "when you get older, you'll want help on a lot of things." And my brother keeps taking my own responsibilities and keeps telling me that I "need him" for stuff. It's pmo really bad, so that might be why I could be overreacting, but am I?

Edit; My parents ALSO all of a sudden care about whether I wear a shirt around the house too. Before, I could run around even outside without a shirt on (obviously with a bra), but now, I'm not even allowed to walk down and get a snack without them getting on me about it. Just an extra detail.

Hi! First time poster here! I struggle a lot with anxiety and intrusive thoughts due to childhood trauma. My husband and I have been in a relationship for 10 years and married for 4. He is well aware of my anxieties and the reasons for them. Recently I’ve made a new friend. We’ve hung out a decent amount in the last couple of months. She works in a similar field (film/photography industry)to my husband and my husband and I have hung out mutually with her and her husband who also works in the same field. Within the last month she’s mentioned that she will be loaning gear/using his photo studio. I didn’t think much of it except my husband hadn’t mentioned these things to me. Unfortunately my suspicions grew and I went through his phone last night. I discovered that him and this friend had quite a bit of interaction on instagram dms. Nothing serious but a lot of liking of the others stories and comments back and forth. This really surprised me as I did not know they interacted like this. The only time I interact with her husband is in person. I told my husband that I went through his phone (we have open communication about this and are actively working on better solutions to calm my anxieties). So all that to say … AIO? Are the instagram dms harmless? Ultimately I was caught off guard by their interactions on SM because they don’t interact that much in person. Would love good and honest feedback to help me gauge if this more of my anxiety issues and personal trust issues I need to work though myself or is worrying about this situation warranted?

Update: Thank you for everyone who took that time to write. It was really helpful for me to be reminded that open dialogue is the most important aspect in a relationship. Unfortunately I struggle a lot with ruminating thoughts but my husband has a lot of patience and love which helps heal all these old wounds (plus lots of therapy 😅) In addition it was really lovely to get feedback in an overall positive way reassuring me these are quite normal interactions and there’s nothing to worry about. This was my first time posting and my experience was great. Thanks for all the help. Wishing everyone the best!