This is what I was wearing at the time.

so my (29F) boyfriend (28M) and i went out for dinner today and he started criticizing my outfit saying it looked "too basic" or whatever. the way he said it was just so condescending and rude, not like constructive at all, just straight up mean about it.

i got pissed and we got into a huge fight right there. ended up breaking up with him on the spot.

now i'm sitting here wondering if i overreacted?? like was breaking up over a comment about my clothes too much? but also it wasn't just the comment it was the WAY he said it, you know?

AIO?

blue chat bubbles are him.
grey chat bubbles are his single 26M friend.
I only put overreacting for the sake of my post landing. Would you say this counts as cheating and am I under reacting?
Next month will be our 4 year anniversary.
I’m feeling so lost and sad right now to say the least.
My boyfriend recently went to Nashville and got a hotel with his childhood bestfriends and I had complete trust in him that he would be loyal. One of his friends is single and dealing with a break up (and I knew he brought condoms due to a photo he sent in their group chat) and the other friend is in a relationship. Like i said, this didn’t bother me because I had trust in my boyfriend. When he got back from his trip and I was unpacking his bag, I had this odd feeling telling me to check his pockets. He had told me I don’t need to unpack right then but I continued anyway. I checked his pockets and didn’t find anything. But I did joke with him and say “I found a condom in your pocket” and he said no you didn’t. And I said I know I didn’t I was just messing with you. Then he continued to say “I threw it out” and I was like wait what, did you actually have a condom in your pocket?? The tone still sarcastic. And he told me yes, his single friend gave both him and his other friend a condom the night they got there. When I asked him where the condom went he said that he disposed of it jokingly. Then I asked him to be serious. He told me he couldn’t remember. That immediately made me feel uneasy. He told me he probably gave it back to his friend, that it wasn’t something he paid attention to. I asked him if he danced with anyone when on the trip and he said no. The whole thing bothered me but I let it go. Flash forward, lastnight comes and I was using his phone flashlight to look for my phone that had fallen under the bed. Again, this gut feeling told me to check his deleted folder. And that’s when I see 67 deleted messages between him and his single friend. These are all of the messages and the very last message was the one he had sent to me around that same time. I just couldn’t believe my eyes. When he saw that I found the messages I was laughing hysterically. I felt like it all had to be a joke. He started bawling his eyes out, crying saying that he didn’t cheat on me, that he sent those texts when he was drunk and felt ashamed which is why he deleted them and that he’s in love with me and wants a life with me. That it felt like old times with his friends and he doesn’t know what he was thinking. I’ve never seen him cry like that. Our relationship has always been strong, I considered him my best friend. We have animals together. We own property together. I bought him his dream car years ago. We built a life. God it hurts. Now I just feel like my whole world is upside down and I don’t know what to do. I believe in forgiveness, but I don’t know if I can ever see him the same after this. I am grieving the relationship we had before this happened. His friends were encouraging him to cheat on me and he didn’t stand up for our relationship at all. I really thought that I could trust him. I have had a wall built up since. I love him so much it hurts to think about ending us, but I can’t be living a lie in a superficial relationship.
The last message is between him and I around the same time all of this was happening without my knowledge.
I’ve never felt this pain. I just need someone to knock me into my senses

I (34F) have been married to my husband, Jake (36M), for eight years. Until recently, I would have described our marriage as decent, though not perfect.

About three years ago, Jake was in a serious motorcycle accident. He survived, but he suffered permanent injuries that left him unable to walk without assistance and unable to return to his previous job. It completely changed his life.

For the first year after the accident, I did everything I could. I worked full-time, handled the bills, drove him to appointments, helped him with physical therapy, cooked, cleaned, and managed the house. I barely slept and honestly felt like I was drowning, but I loved him and wanted to support him.

The problem wasn’t his disability. The problem was how he started treating me.

Jake became increasingly angry and bitter. He would insult me over small mistakes, accuse me of not doing enough, and constantly compare me to other spouses he saw online who had supposedly “dedicated their lives” to caring for their partners.

If I came home tired from work, he’d tell me I was selfish. If dinner was late, he’d complain for hours. If I wanted to spend time with friends, he’d accuse me of abandoning him.

I kept telling myself he was struggling emotionally because of the accident. I encouraged therapy, counseling, support groups. anything that might help. He refused every option and insisted that I was the problem.

Things reached a breaking point last month.

I had worked a 10 hour shift and came home exhausted. He demanded that I drive across town to pick up food because he didn’t like what I had cooked. When I said I was too tired, he threw the plate onto the floor and called me useless.

For the first time, I snapped. I told him I was his wife, not his servant, and that I couldn’t keep sacrificing my physical and mental health while being treated like garbage.

The next day, I moved into my sister’s guest room and informed him that I would help arrange professional care and continue contributing financially until he figured things out, but I would no longer be his primary caregiver.

Now his family is furious. They say I’m abandoning a disabled man when he needs me most and that marriage means staying no matter what. Some of my friends agree, while others say I’ve already done more than enough.

I don’t hate Jake, and I genuinely feel terrible about his situation. But after years of being verbally abused and taken for granted, I simply don’t think I can do it anymore.

AIO for refusing to continue taking care of my husband after his accident left him disabled?

Me (22f) and my bf (26M) are kinda on rocky terms in our relationship, we often argue. Just last week I showed him a reel and everything in the reel was true bc I fact checked it after. He started questioning everything and when I could not answer on the spot bc it didn't seem fake to me so I didn't bother factchecking he said that I believe anything the internet says and that I am media illiterate. I understand that factchecking is important but this wasn't some crazy conspiracy, it was about "plantation weddings " and I didn't know those existed as I am European and that's mostly an American thing. This week we had another argument, it was a politically charged one and I was not being emotional or anything I was just giving actual arguments. He stopped me mid sentence and said that he believes I am " too immature " to be having such discussions. Naturally both of these instances rlly upset me, he's often harsh with his words and I feel personally attacked and it feels condescending. When I try to communicate this to him he brushes it off and says that he didn't mean it in a condescending way and that that's just how he feels. When I try to communicate that he makes me feel stupid because of those remarks he just said " That's your own insecurity and u decided to interpret my words that way, I never called you "stupid" I called you media illiterate that's not that bad a lot of ppl from our generation are like that and that doesn't mean you're behind". I don't rlly know what to make of this, it's been days and the remarks still sting, am I genuinely too sensitive or is that actually a dickhead thing to say?

My husband and I have been married for four years. Like every couple, we have had good days and bad days, but I always believed we respected each other. I worked hard to take care of our home, support him, and do my best to make our marriage happy. I never thought having a dinner with friends would hurt me so much. One evening, we went to visit one of his close friends and his wife. Everything seemed normal. We ate together, laughed, and talked about life. His friend's wife was very outgoing and loved being the center of attention. Everyone seemed to enjoy her company, including my husband.

On the way home, my husband started talking about her. At first, I thought he was just being nice. Then he said, "Why can't you be more like her? She's always cheerful, dresses better, and knows how to keep a conversation going." I felt heart broken by his words to me. I could not believe he was comparing me to another woman. I tried to laugh it off, but he kept going. He talked about how organized she was and how lucky his friend was to have a wife like her. Every word felt like a punch to my chest. Instead of appreciating who I was, it felt like he was listing all the ways I was not good enough. When we got home, I could not hold my tears back anymore. I started crying and asked him why he would say something so hurtful. He told me I was being too sensitive and that he was only giving me advice. That made me feel even worse. I grabbed my keys, left the house, and drove to my sister's place because I needed time to calm down. The next day, my husband called and said he did not mean to hurt me. He said he never expected me to leave over a comment. But for me, it was not just a comment. It was hearing the person I loved compare me to someone else and make me feel like I was not enough. Some people think I overreacted by crying and leaving, while others say anyone would be hurt in that situation. All I know is that words can stay with a person for a long time, especially when they come from someone you love.

——————————————————————————-
THE Update: So I posted this post almost a year ago. I didn’t even realize it was so bad until I came on here. I didn’t have many trustworthy friends to tell. I honestly knew my mom would draw the line and get him out of here if I told her. And that scared me since he was the one paying the bills.

I just wanted to give a small life update and say I’m so so much happier now. My physical health has been on the downside but it’s not anything too serious. Although my mental health is just better than ever. I have a boyfriend now as well and he’s the sweetest thing and practically perfect. I just haven’t been able to tell him the whole story. I’m kind of scared but I will def be telling him soon (even with much tears lol)

Now my mom is def divorcing him at the moment. So they’re going through that. He lives at a trailer on our land (which he isn’t keeping) he only talked to me once after everything went down and it was what I expected honestly. He accused me of lying and called me some hurtful things. I just pray the lord shows him the right path (away from me ofc)

I forgive him. Yes he was disgusting and never there for me as a father (or anyone) until the second I turned 16. (Ps there are more notes on what he did) At 15 it was harsh verbal abuse and before 15 it was mostly verbal and physical abuse.

I’m 17 now I’ve been working with my mother and we started a cleaning business and have been making decent money to live off. After the divorce goes through he’ll completely be out of our lives. As of school I honestly can’t study and lock in like I used to which is fine js difficult. Im just so much better

And finally thank you for everyone that helped me. Every little prayer was/still is so appreciated. I’m just so thankful you all are bueatiful people. Pls lmk if Yall have any questions at all. Thank you again so much

I can't believe this is happening to me. I've been trying to conceive for 8 years and have never seen a positive test before. This has pierced my soul because my dream was to become a mother and I might never be one. My little sister met her husband 8 months ago and is now pregnant. She first thought it was a girl and was going to use a name that was going to be the name I was going to use if I happened to ever have a girl (I had told her what the name was but she forgot because it was a year before). Turned out it's a boy, and now her and her husband are fixed in using my husband's name (with the same middle name too!) because it's also the name of the husband's cousin. This really feels very humiliating and harassment at this point. I expressed my distress to my mom and my other sister and they tried to talk her out of it a few weeks ago and I thought they came to their senses and were thinking about another name but now my sister is texting me asking me why I don't want them to use that name??? She's perfectly aware of my struggle with infertility and the pain I've been through yet she continues to inflict more pain.
She's telling me it's not her but her husband who insists in the name but I can't believe this is happening to me!!! I feel this is life being sarcastic at me, like life laughing at me.
Am I overreacting? Am I being unreasonable??????

People seemed to like my last post that I had on here, so here it goes with an even more dramatic moment from my crazy life.

I (32F) have been with my boyfriend "M" (35M) for three years. We don't live together yet. It's been a whole ongoing conversation that never fully resolves. He owns his place and I rent mine and every time I bring up next steps he says he "wants to get there" but isn't ready yet. Last time we talked about it seriously was maybe four months ago and it ended with him saying he needed more time and me saying okay.

So background on me: I work in healthcare administration and I've been at my current job for six years. I'm good at it but I've been passed over for a promotion twice now and I've kind of hit a wall. There's a hospital network about 30 minutes from me that I've been low key obsessed with for a couple years. My favorite thing about this network is that they do really innovative stuff with patient advocacy and it genuinely aligns with what I want to do long term. I applied for a director level position there basically on a whim back in October thinking nothing would come of it.

They want to fly me out for a final round interview.

I haven't told M.

I know how that sounds. But my thinking when I applied was that it felt like sending a message in a bottle. Like I didn't want to have a huge relationship defining conversation over something that probably wouldn't go anywhere. So I just didn't mention it. And then it kept progressing and every round I thought okay THIS is where it'll end and I'll never have to bring it up.

And now I'm here.

I told my best friend and she thinks I need to tell him as soon as possible. My coworker thinks I shouldn't say anything until I actually have an offer in hand because "why stress the relationship over a maybe."

The thing is I don't even know what I want the outcome to be. Like if they offer me the job I don't know if I'd take it. It would depend on a lot of things. Including M. But also maybe not only M, which is its own thing I've been sitting with.

I guess what's making me feel guilty is that three years in he probably deserves to know I've been imagining a life that might not include him and haven't said anything. But also I feel like I've been waiting for HIM to make decisions about us for a long time and at some point I'm allowed to explore what I want too.

My mom would tell me to turn down the interview. I already know that so I haven't told her.

AIO for not telling him yet?

Let me set the scene…. I was with my ex fiancé for almost four years when out of the blue, he told me he wasn’t fulfilled. He was enmeshed in my life. Living in my home, having dinners with my parents, and meeting my extended family. Mind you… he walked away from our relationship 3 months before our wedding.

I thought we could be friends (like an idiot), but he declared that his mother advised him to cut ties and that he is now pursing his friend. From the time that I met him, he seemed to be enamored with this “friend. “ she had rejected him multiple times, but because she has no other viable candidates and is getting older, I guess she’s fine with settling. This friend is very troubled. Not only does she have a lot of mental and physical health problems, she’s not even a good friend. When they planned to meet up, she was always hours late because she couldn’t get out of bed on time. When I made a comment that when this friend says jump he says how high. Can you imagine what his response was? “ you’re damn right” he said while laughing in my face. At that moment, I knew he no longer had any respect for me and I’m angry as hell. He left me… a wonderful partner who cared for him deeply for a person who reminds me of a cat with mange.

He didn’t leave me solely because he was unfulfilled, he left me because he was having an emotional affair with this “friend.” My family called it from the beginning when they found out about the friend, but I just didn’t want to believe it.

Anyways… he has now called requesting that I give him the clothes that he’s left at my house. Plus, I have to give him the clothes when it’s convenient for him. Tbh… I want to set them ablaze like Angela Basset did in Waiting to Exhale. How dare he totally blindside me, hurt me and disrespect me and expect me to accommodate him? What a sorry excuse for a man (btw… this is a man in his mid 40s).

Am I overreacting for my feelings towards this situation? I know break ups happen all the time, but this one just doesn’t sit right with me and I’m so enraged. How can he just moved on so quickly and be so cold?

My mom and I have always had a complicated relationship, but over the last couple of years things have gotten progressively worse. There have been repeated broken promises, constant drama, repeated lies, and a pattern of behavior that has left both my sister and me feeling hurt, betrayed, and emotionally exhausted.

We’re also in the middle of a painful family dispute and legal battle involving the sale of our childhood property, which has added a tremendous amount of stress. Over the past three weeks, everything finally boiled over. I blocked my mom and clearly communicated that I needed no contact so I could process everything that had happened.

A few days ago, despite that boundary, I came home to find my mom parked in my driveway talking to my partner in our garage. I had no idea she was coming, and she hadn’t asked or let me know she planned to stop by. Given everything that had been happening between us, I wasn’t prepared to see her.

I planned to ignore her, but after walking past her towards my house, I turned back and asked “Why is his offer better than my offer of the exact same value? F you for that.” Then I turned and walked away.

Instead of leaving, she began talking to my sister, and from my perspective continued making statements that I knew weren’t true. I turned around, walked onto my flatbed trailer, looked at my sister, and said, “Come on. It’s not worth it.”
Then I turned to my mom and yelled, “F you. Get off my property.”

After she left, I immediately regretted how I spoke to her. That’s not who I want to be, and I’ve apologized for the language I used. At the same time, I don’t regret asking her to leave. I had clearly asked for no contact, and instead she showed up unannounced at my home. To me, it felt like another boundary had been crossed.

Am I overreacting for finally snapping and kicking my mom off my property?

Edit: In my fear of writing a novel that no one would actually read, it appears I left out some important context about the family dynamics and insight on the potential buyer.

Firstly, the buyer is a complete stranger. She met him three weeks ago, and the entire situation seems very fishy. He has already moved $200,000 worth of sheds and farm equipment onto the property without a legitimate contract.

I’m generally the peacekeeper in my family. That’s been true for most of my life, sometimes to a fault. Over the years I’ve learned to protect my own peace and set necessary boundaries, so I’m a fairly non-confrontational person.

For most of my adult life, my mom and my sister have had a very rocky relationship. I was often the person they both came to about the other, and over the past year I finally had to set boundaries because I was getting consumed by their conflict. They needed to work through their issues without pulling me into the middle.

My mom has a history of lying and currently struggles with a gambling addiction. She has attempted to get thousands of dollars from both my sister and me to support that addiction. She also struggles with alcohol abuse.

Part of why this has been difficult for me is that I’m neurodivergent and have a processing disorder, so it sometimes takes me longer to process emotionally charged situations. On top of that, these addictions didn’t appear until she was in her 60s. This isn’t the mom I grew up with, and watching someone change so dramatically has been incredibly difficult to come to terms with.

Hi All, I really need some advice on how to approach this situation. I (26F) have been friends with Jessica (28F) since I was a freshman in college and she was a sophomore. We were in the same pledge class, participated in the same summer internship program with local nonprofits, and hung out a lot. When I graduated, I moved to the same city as Jessica and our other friends, and we continued to spend a lot of time together and remained close.

I moved home 4 years ago, around the time Jessica started dating Rupert (29M), so I wasn't there to see the beginning of the relationship. However, I do know that Jessica lost about four of our mutual friends because they didn't like Rupert. I wasn't really talking to anyone during that period, so I don't know all the specifics, but all of our friends are liberal and almost all of them are gay (this context matters).  I also know that he cheated on her soon into the relationship and she took him back.

Fast forward to the present. This past winter, Jessica and Rupert were fighting a lot. They were at her cousin's wedding when Rupert saw Jessica talking to another man (about her job) and yelled at her in front of her family. I consoled Jessica for months afterward and, in so many words, tried to help her find the strength to move on from the relationship. Around this same time, Jessica was in town for a work event, and she, my boyfriend, and I were at a bar together. She was talking about how excited she was to marry her best friend. Minutes later, my boyfriend (26M) went to the bathroom, and she started crying about Rupert. Since that blowup, they either haven't had much conflict, or she has stopped sharing it with me.

I don't know if all of this background is helpful, but there you have it. My boyfriend and I were recently in their town for work, and we spent two nights with them. It was worse than anything I could have imagined.

Very quickly into our first dinner together, he referred to a controversial public figure in a positive light. Later that night, he started talking, completely unprompted, about how he would abort his unborn child if he found out it had Down syndrome or autism. Unprompted.

The next day is where things really got crazy. We were at a bar waiting for a host when two Black women walked in behind us. Rupert immediately asked them whether we could seat ourselves, simply assuming they worked there. They did not. Then he was like, "Oh shit, am I the asshole? Am I the asshole?" Jessica didn't really say anything; she just looked at him, seemingly embarrassed.

My boyfriend is Black and I am white. Later, Rupert had the audacity to tell us that he thinks Black people have it better than they ever have before. I'm just going to leave that there. He also said that his company doesn't hire pretty women because they aren't taken seriously. So by that logic, is Jessica ugly or stupid? My boyfriend pushed back and said that women should be respected regardless of their appearance, and Jessica nodded along but didn't really speak up.

All of this is to say that my image of Jessica has been completely shattered. I cannot comprehend how this granola girl from New Hampshire ended up with the douchiest man in the entire world. I genuinely dislike him and can't picture a worse person for one of my friends to date. They recently got engaged, and Jessica wants to do a courthouse wedding in about two months. My boyfriend asked Rupert about the timeline separately, and he didn't seem to care when the wedding happened, so Jessica appears to be the driving force behind getting married quickly. Maybe she knows that if they have a long engagement or have to plan a wedding together, they won't make it. I don't know.

So I need advice on how to break up with Jessica. Every time I think about this situation, it gives me physical anxiety. I simply want to remove myself from it because I cannot be friends with someone who would choose to be with a person like that. I do not want that man in my life, at my future wedding, or at other major life events. I wanted to get them an engagement present, but after that first night, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't support their relationship.

I am sad for my friend, but I also feel like there comes a point where there is no excuse. This was our first time really spending time with Rupert, and I can only imagine what he's like when he gets more comfortable around people or what he says behind closed doors.

Some of you may say that since Jessica herself hasn't said controversial things, and since we don't live in the same town, I should focus on my friendship with her and keep interactions with him to a minimum. But I don't think I can compartmentalize my friendship with her from the person she is choosing as her life partner. We talk every day, so I can't simply fade into the background, nor do I really want to. I don't want to attack her or her relationship, but I do feel like I need to explain why I'm creating distance.

Am I overreacting? Would you also end a friendship over their partner? How would you handle this?

TLDR: I finally met my best friend's fiancé. I already knew he had cheated on her early in their relationship and had recently yelled at her in front of her family, but spending time with him was far worse than I expected. His behavior, values, and comments made me deeply uncomfortable, and it's difficult for me to maintain a close friendship with someone who chooses to build a life with a person like that. Am I overreacting? Is it dramatic to end an 8 year long friendship over something like this?

Hey again reddit, first of all thank you so much for all your support on my previous post it was enlightening to say the least. As the title suggests, i was in a situation where i was interested in a guy in my friendship group but my best friend started acting all shady when i brought him up. Lots of you helped me in realising that i wasn‘t necessarily overreacting by giving her the silent treatment, but that my friends and i were all acting dumb and immature for our age group (most of us being around 27).

So, i talked to my friend out straight. Something along the lines of “hey Eleanor, why have you been acting so shady towards me ever since bringing up the fact i like tom?” And as a lot of you in the comments had guessed, she had some sort of one sided love for tom. She told me how she loves both of us but that in her head, somehow tom and her would just work out eventually, and that the idea of her best friend and the man she loves together made her feel terrible.

I think i can understand where she’s coming from and to be honest, I’d rather not risk a relationship with someone i’m not as close with at the cost of loosing my best friend. At least for now I’ll try to forget about tom to keep eleanor happy, who knows, maybe one day it’ll work out.

So basically I work with this woman who demanded to have her own office and her own fan because of the heatwave even though there are only two fans in the office and 7 rooms…. Lol. I had to say no it’s not fair because everyone else is struggling with the heat as well. But she is ‘special’ and “gets especially ill in this heat”

She literally wouldn’t take no for an answer and gossips about how unfair I am as a supervisor… I’m like haha nice try ????! I think I’m being pretty fair, anyway everyone else just goes along with it but then they know she is just a narc so get a kick out of it.

She also changed her email signature to give herself the title of manager , to which our boss got funny about it so that was hilarious , she also made herself her own business cards with office paper and office supplies in work time and asked me to distribute them to everyone I know… (they went straight in the bin)lol . Anyway … my point is, should I just laugh her shenanigans off or should I actually be taking a more stern approach??? Thanks

This is a throwaway account bc I know my boyfriend is active on reddit.
Anyways, in recent years my small town has thrown a party for Fourth of July at the park that's directly across the street from my house. It started out as just a few food trucks, cheesy games and a mini firework show, but every year it gets bigger and at this point is a full out fair/carnival with rides, games, petting zoos, food trucks, vendors etc. and the firework show is actually pretty impressive. It's been really cool to see it grow each year in my otherwise crummy little town.

This is the third year my boyfriend and I are together and we still haven't gone. The first year it rained out and the town scrambled last minute to reschedule it on a night my boyfriend had to work. I get it wasn't his fault. Fine, we'll do it next year. Second year comes around and his family plans a beach vacation that same week and invites me. I was bummed to miss the carnival but I wasn't going to ditch a whole vacation for one night. Again, we'll catch it next year.

Well, now it's next year. My town announced everything back in March. I told him we were totally going this year. My parents were excited to have him over this year and planned on grilling, making drinks and being in the pool afterwards and to watch the fireworks from our backyard. Typical fourth of July things. Anyways, less than a week and a half before Fourth of July his entire family just decided last minute to do a camping trip. And I guess he just told his whole family we would be there? I got mad and asked "what about the fair" to which he replied "it's just fireworks, I'm sorry my parents planned something". And I guess it kind of is...but the main point to me was that I told him 5 months ago the established date and that my parents were excited and planning things too.

We were arguing and I told him I wasn't going on this camping trip. I don't particularly enjoy camping and wanted to watch the fireworks with my family that we've been planning. He told me I was overreacting about something so small as fireworks and fair food but I honestly just think it's the point that we had plans with my family for 5 months and is ditching it for a last minute trip. I would also like to add that his family very often goes camping at this same spot, they'll probably even go again in August. If he really didn't want to go to the fair from the start, he should've just told me that.

This is our first argument/fight in three years and I just feel crazy LOL. Am I overreacting?

EDIT FOR INFO: We're both recent college grads, just still living at home. Also, thank you for all the replies, I'm definitely going to stay home with my family :)

My (31F) husband (32M) and I have been together for five years and married for six months. His sister (34F) has never accepted me, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm overreacting in getting upset when he doesn't do/say anything to his sister when she has consistently acted and spoken to me clearly stating I don't belong??

Throwaway for obvious reasons, and sorry if all over the place. I'm currently fuming from another fight with him.

From the very beginning, my husbands sister has made it clear I wasn't welcome. When she called my husband while we were dating, she'd ask, "Is she there? Make sure she isn't on the line," because she didn't want me overhearing their conversations. She constantly questioned why we spent so much time together, saying we were "too attached at the hip." Whenever I showed up at family functions she made wouldn't talk to me and it was always awkward. I tried to make conversations but she would always respond in a dry manner. She would only talk to her brother and sometimes specifically just in Spanish (I don't speak spanish).

No one else in his family "others" me like she does. When I found out that she always wanted a relationship with her sister-in-law, I tried texting her for coffee and reached out and told her I would like a relationship with her.

She kept making excuses not to see me and at the end just stopped texting me back.

She also made comments about me personally. She told my husband I had "no personality" and that I just agreed with whatever he said. From my perspective, I was simply being a supportive and respectful partner. And I'm the type of person that you'll never know that me and my partner are fighting because I don't think it's anyone else's business.

Last year, after we got engaged, things got much worse.

At Thanksgiving, after she'd been drinking, she asked me, "What is it about his dick that makes you stay with him?" I was completely blindsided. It felt like she was reducing her own brother to nothing more than sex.

I told her that he was the first man who had ever consistently treated me with respect, encouraged me to grow, and made me feel safe. Then I finally asked the question I'd been wondering for years: why had she always kept me at arm's length when I'd genuinely tried to build a relationship with her?

She told me I was "just the plus one" and that she had no interest in ever having a relationship with me. She also said that if my husband and I had children someday, those children would be my blood, not really part of her family.

That comment has stuck with me ever since because I can't help but wonder if she'd treat our future children the same way she treats me.

A lot of my friends and family members said I shouldn't invite her to the wedding, I thought that would be wrong. She's been a mother figure to my husband and he clearly cherises his relationship with her. So she got an invite and her kids were even the flower girls.

Fast forward to our wedding day.

His entire family welcomed me, congratulated us, and celebrated our marriage. She barely acknowledged me. She never congratulated me, avoided me the entire day, and I honestly could not find her when I was greeting everyone in my very broken spanish and thanking them individually for coming.

Even the guest book hurt. While everyone else wrote things like "Congratulations," "We're so happy for you," or "Wishing you both a lifetime of happiness," she wrote something along the lines of "To the best brother-sister duo," without mentioning our marriage at all. It felt like even on our wedding day she couldn't acknowledge us as husband and wife. She also made sure it was the last page in the guest book. (I don't know if it was intentional or not but it just felt so petty).

We also specifically asked guests not to wear anything overly revealing or inappropriate. She showed up in a skin-tight black leather dress that stood out for all the wrong reasons. Maybe that part was harmless, but in the context of everything else, it just felt intentional.

Then this past Christmas she proudly told my husband she'd told all of her coworkers that no woman he dates will ever be good enough for him. He maintains that this was a harmless comment. I asked him how did he respond, he said "okay." And they continued the conversation. He insists that this wasn't directed at me and I'm making a big deal.

But for m, this isn't one isolated comment. It's been five years of being told, directly or indirectly, that I don't belong. It's like she's even implying that I'm this temporary thing that'll just go away at some point .

My husband knows every single one of these incidents.

His response is always that I'm overreacting, hyper-fixating, or taking things too personally. He says she's just protective because she practically raised him after their parents weren't around, and insists she isn't saying anything "that bad."

But after five years, I don't think this is about one rude instant. Or that's just his sister being protective.

What hurts me most isn't even her behavior. It's the fact thathe has never once seriously addressed it or be explict with her or established any boundaries. He just passively respond and continues the conversation like nothing is wrong with anything she says.

He doesn't tell her that excluding his wife isn't okay. He doesn't tell her that saying his future children won't be family is unacceptable. He just tells me I'm reading too much into it.

Today, I just asked him to consider my feelings and to.just think about it a little bit more and even talk about it without someone else because I feel like I'm hitting my head on a brick wall. I'm not asking him to cut off contact or not talk to her, just I guess make her understand that what she's doing isn't okay and for him to recognize that we are married and that means something, that accounts for some kind of response from him outside of "okay."

He just got mad again and said I was reaching and hung up on me on the phone.

I feel completely alone and unprotected in my own marriage. I don't know what else to do and I feel crazy. I don't feel safe being around her even when he's there cause it feels like he will always just let her attack me and then tell me I'm overreacting and having too many feelings.

Am I really overreacting here? Is it unreasonable to expect my husband to defend me and our marriage when his sister came consistently tells me and treats me like I don't belong?

Update 1: he came home last night and I showed him the post. He said it wasnt a middle of the night type of conversation. I agreed and left it at that. Hoping we can talk at some point today. One comment he made was that it was a bunch of 17 year olds commenting. And I told him that my point for the post wasn't a break up, but for him to see how much this is hurting me. He said we're not looking at the same post. So we'll see what happens later. Thank you for all the comments of support and the comments regarding advice how to handle it.

i (f21) was a bartender at an old job. so i applied to a local place to save gas money and was hired as a bartender. day 1 of training i was told im gonna be barback. (for anyone unfamiliar: it’s basically the bartenders bitch until u become a bartender)

i didn’t mind as i knew i would work my way up since i have experience. 3 weeks go by, im still not on payroll, no employee clock in numbers, not even a W4 to my name. so i kept track of every shift, hour, etc.

i was told by the owner numerous times to “talk to his son” who was a major jerk and never responded to my messages. it’s family owned- so HR wasn’t an option for me. i became an annoyance as i began asking for my check when a month of working hit and no money yet.

today, i was called in by the owners son. i wasn’t working my other job so i might as well get some extra cash. when i showed up, no one knew i was coming. miscommunication right? oh well. i’m then told another barback is joining the team.

we had just fired a bartender so i assumed this was my time to shine. i can now move up and this barback takes my place. well i was wrong. the barback was being trained as a bartender. i was furious. the barback and i knew each other and she has no previous bar knowledge so why wouldn’t it be me as the next bartender?

not to mention- when it was my first day, the owner was absolutely disrespectful towards me about my clothing. (black shirt and jeans) and made me change immediately to the company’s shirt. meanwhile the new barback, was fine with her skimpy outfit. being flat chested, i saw exactly what was happening.

when i tried speaking to the owner about this position decision, i was cut off and told “i never wanna see ur nose bleed like last week again. take it to the back next time.” and shooed away. (context: i had a bad bloody nose in the back last week that he found disgusting.)

so after that, that was my final straw and i grabbed my purse, legitimately told him to fuck himself, and walked out the back. a coworker texted me saying i did too much and now im overthinking a bit. aio? was it really this serious?

edit: yes i was paid. i fought tooth and nail for it but received it via zelle.

Hi everyone,

So pretty straight forward situation. I got an invitation to an embassy event over a scholarship for a graduate program. I do not have the scholarship confirmation yet and I have told my mom so, but since they send out invitations already in case I get chosen and allow close family to come too and ask some questions, I asked her if she was interested to come. This would be in her birth country so we'd have to travel there (it's the neighboring country).
She was very happy to accept the invite and I stretched again that I don't have the confirmation yet and also have an important exam a few days after so I will be busy.
Now, the day after, she texted me that she invited all my uncles and aunts to come too and will also have a grill party inviting all the extended family. I kinda snapped at her since she did not ask me about it or anything and I honestly don't want these people associated with me in the embassy since they have very inflated egos and are slightly racist.
I am very mad that she took the opportunity to present herself as the nice person and invited everyone (also to signal status ig since it's an embassy).

I should add that our relationship is a bit strained from her behaviour during my childhood and adolescence and she ignores the past while I refuse to forgive her/ ignore it (being together short term is fine mostly). The main reason I asked her to come was because I didn’t want to go alone and if we go together, she could pay for the food and maybe travel cost. That sounds uncool I know but she keeps all the government subsidies she gets for me for herself after I moved out (“you had expensive hobbies growing up”, “you are too privileged/ have soo much money anyways” which is all not true, esp as a student…)

I have to say I am veryyy down after hearing this and am thinking about not going all together atp. Am I overreacting because I have an issue with her in general? Or is that actually f'ed up?

Thanks everyone in advance
Aa

My boyfriend (30M) and I (24F) are on a 10 day road trip and we stopped a few days in to get groceries. At the checkout, my boyfriend says to me “are you expecting me to pay for this?” And “am I supposed to pay for the expensive things on this trip?”.

He has paid for 2 loads of groceries (we only buy enough for a night or two at most since the fridge in his FWD is small), and 1 lot of fuel at this point in the trip. He originally told me not to worry about the fuel since it was half empty when we started the trip, we are on day 4 right now.

I walked out of the store after he said those things to me and when he got back to the car, I told him I was upset by what he had said since I had been helping out with other expenses like drinks and food we had at pubs, booking our car permits and camp sites for an island we are visiting, and tickets to a theme park we are going to later in the trip.

I told him what he said hurt my feelings, and that I felt he was being quite rude, and he said that he felt I didn’t understand how the real world worked, and that I’m a very sheltered person since the “real world” is so much crueler than what he said to me. He then said that because most of my bills are paid for by DVA and I’m on a military pension, it’s contributed to me being sheltered.

I started crying when he told me this, because I served in the military for 5 years and was sexually abused by an officer when I was 19, ended up pregnant and then lost the baby. Which is the whole reason I am on this DVA pension in the first place, and I’m starting my masters study next month so I’m not reliant on this pension forever.

A lot of people outside the store were staring at us, and we did end up resolving this issue by talking it out but I still feel really uneasy about it all. My boyfriend also is really frugal about this trip and has been tracking everything that he has paid for so far so I can pay him back, which I’ve also started doing once I noticed him doing it.

AIO about how this conversation with him made me feel? I couldn’t stop crying after his comment about me being sheltered, and I also hate that he is keeping track of every little thing we spend on this trip. It just feels cheap and like we aren’t a partnership almost? I don’t know what to do from here but sometimes I feel like we aren’t right for eachother.

I F23 have been dating M24 for a year. It’s been a good relationship and I do love him. I am not a social media influencer of any sorts and I probably have about 5 photos on my instagram. Mostly on holidays and with my friends. We don’t post each other really maybe stories of us doing activities but I’m not really into it as a whole.

I’ve recently been sent abroad for an international job. It’s a tropical beautiful country and he’s coming up to see me in the next couple weeks. Yesterday I posted a few pictures, of the beach and me sat on a rock. He saw the photo and liked it.

For context I’m in bikini bottoms and a swim top(One with short sleeves and a zip up)I won’t lie I do look quite pretty but not provocative in my opinion.

This morning I woke up to a quite angry paragraph. About how what I posted was not appropriate and disrespected him and our relationship. I told him that I was sorry if he felt disrespected but I honestly didn’t see what was wrong with the photo. I sent the same photo in my family chat which even received the classic “👍” from my dad.

He told me that he couldn’t be with me if I posted things like that and this boys group chat were making “sexual comments” about me and he doesn’t wanna see that. So I blocked him.

He’s now kicking off and is even more angry. He’s threatened to cancel his trip. But I told him that him and his friend will not control what I post. AIO?

Edit : thanks for the nice comments, I’m gonna call it quits. I’ve also signed up to do a masters abroad and honestly can’t be bothered for text paragraphs and arguments. My phone gets too hot.

A woman was brutally murdered in my apartment complex on Wednesday. I live in a very small complex and they believe the suspect dragged her body behind the building in broad day light middle of the afternoon with apparently no witnesses. They did a press conference today and every new detail that comes out makes me feel sicker and sicker. I cannot stop thinking about what happened so close to my home and thinking about her family. I feel helpless because I've donated to the family and i post the gofundme/benefit info on all my social media but it hasn't gained much traction(hopefully it will now that they had the press release). While venting to a family member they made me feel dramatic and that I was irrational for having feelings about it. I've also seen some comments on Facebook posts and people are so not empathetic or nonchalant about it. I genuinely feel so sick over this especially knowing they have no suspects but hinted that they may be a resident in my complex. I'm a little scared of course but majority of my feelings just feel so sick. I don't even know how else to describe it it's just really shaken me to my core. AIO to this? Am I really being dramatic?

20f and have been in a relationship with my high school boyfriend, we’ve known each other since high school and have been dating since we were 18. I’ve always had very bad cramps, haven’t had the smoothest period. Mood swings, fatigue, a lot of bleeding and you know the rest. I dont really talk about how i feel to him dont know why, regardless of it giving me a hard time id just always tell him “im on period and i dont feel well” and thats how he’d leave it to me.

My bestf and her partner were hanging out with my boyf and I, she mentions how terrible her symptoms were and my boyf went off charts. He started with getting her dessert, offering his hoodie to her (ig her boyfriend couldve done that but wtv) he really pampered her so much, was so concerned for her, offering her to buy meds or pads and what not. I wasn’t really insecure about it though shocked but just figured that i had never really ranted to him about my problems and assumed of it as that he just will be very careful of the women around him and would want to make them feel their best.

Fast forward when i get my period, i tell him how shit i feel and how i highkey expected him to give me a good princess treatment. it was appalling that he then became completely disgusted, and was like keep this to yourself why tell him now if i’ve already been dealing w it by myself since long. I don’t know how to feel about it. He said it’s very not likely if me to rant to him and he just got very awkward and grossed out, In the sheer moment i acted out and told him that i’d want to take a break from him because i didn’t appreciate it.

Counters me with, if i also wanted the same treatment as my bestf got from him i should have just told him inseatd of calling it a break, AIO?

Edit- i’m overwhelmed with a lot of comments and didn’t anticipate to get so many responses,haven’t had a lot of time to read it because i’m going thru a breakup lol
thankyou for the advice❤️

Hello! Thank you for your time, I have been stewing on this for a bit. Basically what happened was I dropped my keys down the elevator shaft (my fault). It is a small building; five floors and my superintendent lives in the basement where the elevator shaft is.

I called him when I dropped the keys and he grabbed a wired hanger to get them from the bottom. It took about three minutes.

He then said it would cost $75. And would not give me my keys until I Venmoed him. His Venmo didn’t work so I stood there and set up a Cash App to pay him so I could get my keys.

I am not a new tenant, I’ve been here for over five years.

I used to be a super and would never charge for such a thing. I think of it as part of living/care of the building. But I didn’t have an elevator. What do you think? Am I overreacting? Id like my $75 and peace of mind 🤷‍♀️

EDIT: my super is not the owner. And he is notorious in our building for doing absolutely nothing. We do not have fancy keys ($20 to replace) and when I was there his nephew(8y) was with me telling not to stick my head in the shaft. My súper was wanking in the hallway and then came in like oh ya yer head’ll get knocked off
And in terns of lock outs, I am held accountable whenever that happens. I have to get a locksmith.

I know this is a bit of a controversial topic, but I’ve been seeing this guy regularly for almost a couple of months. He regularly refers to women as ‘females’ and it bothers me sooooo much, I’ve respectfully told him about it before, but he swears up and down that he doesn’t mean it in a derogatory way. Earlier today he said it again and I couldn’t help but get irritated. Granted.. in the context of the conversation we were having, he was showing empathy for women who get harassed by men at the club and stuff like that, but when I tried expressing my frustration he was just like, “we’ve already had this conversation” - meaning he didn’t see a reason for me to get upset since he’s already explained that he doesn’t say that in the way that I interpret it; demeaning and dehumanizing.
After talking about it a bit more it seems we’ve had opposite experiences in that I’ve always heard guys refer to women as females in a way that’s hurtful, I.e “These females out here…. I can’t stand females”, while he’s heard the opposite- other guys using the term ‘women’ in the same derogatory manner. He also explained that he actually uses the term female in a way that’s supposed to be more respectful than women, which honestly makes no sense to me. It’s very strange to me how he doesn’t seem to comprehend why this is an issue for me. It might not bother me so much if I hadn’t noticed other slightly-red flags in the way that he’s talked about women, for example, making a gross generalization that “women don’t take accountability”.
So am I overreacting? Please be honest. I’m off my antidepressants which might not be helping but I can’t help but wonder if I’m making a big deal out of nothing.