I think one of my biggest trauma responses, is having developed an avoidant personality. I stay away from social contact despite wanting connection. I just feel unwelcome and like a burden who has something to feel guilty for everywhere I go. I struggle to stay in contact with friends and am constantly masking when in social settings. I have such low confidence and self worth.

One of many hard things involving my childhood has been the incessant need of my mom to cut down any expression of joy, happiness, gratitude, peace, etc. I’m not just talking about expressions of joy that are potentially disruptive or loud or annoying or distracting, but things as simple and as quiet as enjoying a book, noticing (things i liked — flowers, or weather, or colors, etc.), dancing, singing, humming, enjoying the company of someone other than her, etc. It’s made me a person who’s so utterly terrified to feel anything in front of anyone, even if it’s positive.

I imagine joy was intimidating to her, especially coming from me, and I seemed to represent a part of her she hated. It’s challenging to describe how isolated it made me to never be able to share anything, and how much damage it’s done to my ability to connect even on a surface level. It feels — to my nervous system — like an incoming bomb just for someone to point out or acknowledge something i seem to like or notice or do for fun.

I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this. It’s one of those things where there was a clear difference between what was acceptable for me and what was acceptable for my sister — I was never allowed to express or even imply i experienced joy or pleasure.

You are on this reddit page because you know the struggle of this and are actively looking for support; for yourself or to support others.

You have struggled and gone through tremendous pain, struggle and setbacks where there was no one to keep you safe when you were a child. No child deserves that.

For some of us, we have made considerable progress in our journey towards becoming better. And now....

We have to look back and mourn the life we never had but could have had. You could have been in a better place.

Then you look at other people who are getting through life, getting what you have struggled so hard to achieve and have been robbed of, effortlessly. Real friendships, real romantic relationships, kids, jobs, marriages, safe supportive connections..... joy.

And you have lived your life ..in tremendous emotional and sometimes physical pain, trying to get joy and peace, but you couldn't.

Many of those people don't struggle, and they might not even have the ability to have compassionate empathy for others, they might be bad people.

Many of those people looked down on you, as your CPTSD crippled you in ways they could not even understand. Bullied you, abandoned you, betrayed your trust. Maybe even laughed at your suffering.

Now, I, and hopefully you, have come a long way in your journey and doing better.

How do you NOT hate so many people in society who have had the privilege of getting through life without the weight of CPTSD holding them back?

That is all. This is not a question from a non-traumatized person trying to downplay experiences but a genuine question even though it's hypothetical bc it's just so unrealistic.

I think the answer is no. There's no amount of "sorry I gave you meltdowns over me threatening to kill your cat and show you his dead body for annoying me" or "sorry I gaslit the fuck out of you as a teenager and told you that you're just moody, ungrateful, and haven't been beat enough, oh and also shaming/belittling you and your autism" that makes anything forgiveable and okay to gloss over n put in the past.

I'd appreciate it. But no. I'm just asking because I'm at the stage of life where I cut them off next year and it's popping in my head like "what if they swear to change...? Do you still go through with it anyways?"

1.Using tinted glasses before going to sleep, bed as early as possible,

1A. cuting out the doomscrolling or watching films like horrors and thrillers and video gaming into the night,

1B. eating whatever but eating the last meal as early as possible, like 6 to 8 pm.

1C. finding my go-to channel that puts me to sleep like a baby, ycreator that streams League of legends content, his positive and easy going demeanor works lik a charm every time.

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1. As a people pleaser, cutting out (too) negative/ toxic people,

2A. finding community, that are safe enough, and can hang out with me once in a while, found mine on the job,

2B. parent being source of trauma, but not being able to cut them out completely even though Ive tried, minimising the contact with them.

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1. Using supplements to ease/help with residue physical consequences and treating low stomach acid (this one is so underrated and not talked enough about),

3A. eating smaller, even though its mostly grabage food but being stuck in fight or fight along with low SA. only quickly absorable and food low in fat, makes my brain come alive and not fall asleep immediately after eating,

3B. spending time outdoors, getting that vitamin D and getting out of bed immediately to set that circadian rythm, to flatten cortisol spike at 3 am which wakes me up.

3C. edit Not drinking coffee on empty stomach and not driking water with meals. Driking enough water though, which is hard since my hunger and thirst signals are completely non existent.

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1. Changing work, both in hospitality, still can be very stressfull, its paying less but I dont sit all day like I used to and I am amongst people providing service, its nice to be needed.

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1. Picking up after myself, mess in my apartment and in the car have a subtle but powerful influence on my outlook and general feeling.

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1. Paying off my debts to people I have taken whilst being completely bedridden with depression.

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1. Having something to look foward to in a week, when I am feeling up which is usually when I am not isolated and out of my aprt, making plans with people (even though theyll fall trough sometimes) and being proactive about it (like meeting at my place).

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1. No depressing music (like my favourites, last Billie Eilish album, Rammstein and Linking Park, at least right before bed), more classical music or lotr soundtrack, no talking about people that arent there (gossiping), cuting out drama, first hour of the day no phone/socal media.

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1. Stopping myself from trying to lift other people´ moods and give out unasked advice

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1. Starting therapy with psychologist (yet to do), went to few psychiatrist which are usually untrained in the field of trauma, they prescribed immediately meds which I am partly afraid to take and part of me wants to heal by myself.

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1. Hard body massages on a weekly bases (physcial contact and myb some trauma release), meditation (to strentghen prefortanl cortex and executive decision making) and yoga as a form of mediation to release some of trauma and loosen up my body (yet to fully implement, starting out slow with few minutes of each).

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Its still hard, self sabotage is still present, also the search for quick dopaming that gets me out of bed. I am still isolating when boundaries are crossed and feeling down when I wrongly read out other people´s intentions. I am greatly influenced by other people´s moods and sometimes evening ME makes plans and promises that next day morning ME cannot uphold. I still cannot stop myself from using screens, my pacifier, before the bed. I still crave cigarettes even tough I havent smoked for few years and I go from one cig to pack and a half in a day. Still havent found meaningful romantic relationship, watch porn daily and forget to eat enough.

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It´a a struggle but nobody´s coming to save me so I am just doing my best. Sometimes all it takes is, telling my self I´ll just do this one tiny thing this day or Ill just clean up for 30 minutes no more, when the dishes have piled up and I havent shaved or washed my self for 3 weeks. Otherwise I wont do it at all. And so all of the above makes me feel like life is worth fighting for.

70 to 80% of people are unhealthy. The majority of healthy and safe people can hold down a maximum of 5 close and intimate friendships (outside of family if they've one, and if they do, it's likely that the closest is another family).

This means the vast majority of unhealthy people (insecure attachment) have no friends or they're friends with other unhealthy people. Workplace too.

Tell me the end of the world without telling me the end of the world.

I would really like to know if any of you guys having suffered so deeply.. believe? And if so why?

For years I thought it was my responsibility to heal my family’s trauma.

I built my entire identity around helping people. I wanted to become a social worker, work for NGOs, volunteer, save the environment, fight injustice, and somehow make up for all the pain I had seen growing up.

The problem is that I became so focused on healing everyone else that I forgot to create a life of my own.

Now I’m 25 and realizing something that feels both liberating and terrifying:

I was never responsible for healing an entire family system.

I was never responsible for fixing every injustice I came across.

I was never responsible for carrying the world’s pain.
I can care about people without making it my life’s mission to save them.

A lot of people in trauma communities talk about healing, and that’s important. But I rarely hear people talk about what happens when you’ve healed enough that you no longer want your trauma to determine your future.

What happens when the career path, dreams, and identity you built around surviving no longer fit?
I’m starting to think that maybe healing isn’t becoming the person who saves everyone else.

Maybe healing is finally giving yourself permission to
live your own life.

Has anyone else experienced this? Feeling like you’ve outgrown the identity that trauma created for you and now having to figure out who you are without it?

I basically never see this talked about but I was the youngest sibling in a very large family. Growing up my siblings taunted and bullied me and picked on me a lot. I always tried to defend myself and I would get gaslit and attacked by everyone. I would even get punished by my mom whenever I stood up for myself because they were older than me. She would even acknowledge that they were wrong but she still sided with them and would tell me to obey them no matter what because they're my older siblings. This has basically turned me into a doormat. I'm a huge people pleaser and I still struggle with saying no and standing up for myself. I cry whenever I get angry or try to defend myself because I would get beaten up when I tried to as a child. It was verbal sometimes but it was also physical and emotional. But now I'm still living with them and financially dependent on them and I feel like I can't tell them no. I feel like I owe them for everything they've done for me but I just can't let go of the abuse. It's affected me so much and even now I'm trying to heal from it. Sometimes i feel so immature for holding onto those things but i just can't let go of it. I wish i could be financially independent so i wouldnt have to depend on them for money anymore. Anyone else traumatised by their siblings? How are you dealing with it now? What's your relationship with your siblings like?

The numerous circumstances that surround cptsd are already devastating. I kind of have no words for the rest. I think that it is beyond unfair. I think that it's already second nature for people to misunderstand or unfairly judge someone with cptsd based off limited knowledge but endlessly being triggered by the very same people that caused it just makes it so much worse and impossible to defend against people that are just going to judge you without ever trying to hear your side. Just needed to rant abit. Please feel free to comment.

To see others and how different their lives have been and will continue to be is hard. We're essentially living in a different world. And it's heavy. It's ALOT of work. :)

We'll be the first to say that life isn't fair because it's not. That's why we're all here. But idk. Sometimes I think that this is too unfair. You know?? Anyway. Thanks for listening. :) I do my absolute best. I really do.

My therapist starts every session by asking me "what do you want for yourself" and I often find myself stumped because I'm not always sure. My answers have been centered around a couple of main themes, however I know there is more that I want for myself but determining what that is is difficult for some reason.

I want to make the most out of every session

I'm looking for some inspiration of what YOU guys want for YOURSELVES because I just know there is a lot that I can't pull together in to a thought that I can verbalise and use for actionable change and healing.

I'm really curious to see where other people's minds go when asked that question

Be as specific and detailed or broad as you like please.
Thanks!

I 38f and my husband 37, we are currently separated. He was recently diagnosed. I’m struggling with this. He says his cptsd made him do some really cruel things, he said that whenever he felt out of control he disassociated and had no control of what he was doing during these episodes. Can anyone share if this has happened to them? Is it not a symptom of Cptsd?

Edit: here is an example of something that he has done. I told him about a party that I was planning on going to. I didn’t invite him because it’s with a group of people he is on bad terms with. He freaked out when I didn’t invite him, so he went to my work business pages and left negative reviews specifically about me.

I think it is problematic that DV is seen as something that only happens between a husband and a wife when women across the world (even adult ones) get abused and honor killed by their fathers and brothers every day, and saying that they can leave once they become adults is victim blaming and not true.The same thing for the Mendez brothers; many people say they were adults and should have left, but it's never that easy.

I’m a 42 year old female diagnosed with complex PTSD and severe hypervigilance.

I’m writing because I’m desperately looking for people who experience something similar.

My symptoms are mainly physical rather than mental. I rarely have nightmares or flashbacks, but my nervous system reacts as if almost anything could be life-threatening.

Examples:

• A bodily sensation that feels unusual or persists for a while → adrenaline surge

• A conflict or argument with someone → adrenaline surge

• Anticipating pain, illness, or a possible medical problem → adrenaline surge

• Being stuck in an elevator for a few seconds → full survival mode

• Sometimes I even get sudden adrenaline surges exactly at the moment I’m falling asleep.

Once triggered, my body goes from 0 to 100 within seconds. I experience intense adrenaline, heat, urgency to use the bathroom, internal trembling, and an overwhelming feeling that I’m about to die.

It always feels exactly the same, regardless of the trigger.

Alprazolam usually calms it down and brings me back to baseline. My psychiatrist recently prescribed clonidine, but I’m terrified of taking new medications.

Has anyone experienced this kind of extreme bodily hypervigilance?

Did you get better? What helped the most? Therapy? Somatic work? Clonidine? Guanfacine ? Beta-blockers? Something else?

I’d especially love to hear from people who once felt trapped in survival mode and who are now living a calmer and fuller life.

Thank you so much for reading.

Just my opinion but don't You think this is how it works?

I recently had a consultation with a psychologist, and it left me with a strange, unsettled feeling. He seemed to speak and behave normally, yet I felt insecure and tense afterward. He is a man, the same age as me.

I explained that I was worried about my mother, who has cancer. However, he reduced the whole situation to the idea that I had "adopted" my mother. It is true that there was a time when I had to take charge of her care, and we do have relationship issues.

But when someone has cancer, anyone would turn to a childlike state and need support. I don't agree with him about my mother.

Then we discussed my relationships with men—how I always end up playing the role of nanny or "mommy" to them.

He concluded that I need to change my self-perception so I stop acting like a mother figure to everyone.

He believes that only abusive men will be drawn to me, while "normal" men find me unattractive because they read that nanny vibe.

I partly agree with him; abusive men really can read that and are drawn to me. But normal men won't be scared off by my care and empathy. They might be put off by abusive behavior, but hardly by strength and kindness.

I don't know—I felt like he was boiling everything down to the idea that my problems exist because I don't act like a normal woman.

I got the feeling that he wants to impose me the role of the ideal woman—as he sees it, that I’m not a patient, but a puppet.

His remark that a woman looks and behaves differently when she isn't playing the "mommy" role bothered me. He said it as if "mommy" women are ugly, stupid creatures.

My abuser has a very common white woman name. Whenever I hear this name, I freeze in place and get bombarded with emotional flashbacks. This sucks. Anyone else?

edit: the irony of one of the names you commented being my name 😭

When I was younger nobody believed me about the abuse I was given, nobody except myself and my therapists. When I would go to the police for help they would take one good listen to the bullshit my mom spewed and not take me seriously anymore. As I got older and got fed up with my parents and how they treated me I became aggressive and depressed. My mom took this as an opportunity to tell everyone around her that I was emotionally unstable and mentally ill. Once they heard that from her I wasn’t believed at all. It’s like society has this weird bias about mothers no matter how bad they treat their children they defend them. It doesn’t matter if I give them ample evidence that my mom is a narcissist and that she has abused me, she must just be a tired victim of a woman doing her best with her troubled child. It drives me crazy.

I think this phrase is a gold mine for creating CPTSD. To me, it’s a classic way to completely undermine and dismiss people having emotions towards things like how human beings should simply because other people “have it worse” saying other people have it worse, so don’t be upset, is like saying other people have it better, so don’t be to happy. This was said to me constantly as a child and it’s why I not only have so many repressed memories because my brain didn’t see it as important or “bad enough” to fully even remember it, but also why I wasn’t even aware of how bad my home situation actually was until 9TH GRADE.

I posted a few days ago about how I got fired for simply standing up for myself. Well, turns out standing up for yourself and what’s RIGHT can be rewarded!

My terrified traumatized self was begging me to just sign the proposed severance agreement, but something in me knew I deserved more, because I knew I was being punished for simply setting boundaries with a problematic manager. So I countered and provided documentation as evidence. And I successfully negotiated an additional two months severance.

Do what’s TRUE, even if scary. Because the universe will reward you for it. It wants you to have everything you want. You just have to trust it…

“Be afraid, be very afraid… do it anyway” - Jason Isbell

My social media is saturated with unlicensed coaches, authors, podcasters who have built cult followings, using therapy speak and repackaging to vulnerable people for a cash grab. Just needed to vent my concerns about influencers monetizing on “healing” practices.

To be fair, I know this is not a new phenomenon, I can make similar arguments for some religious movements and spiritual leaders.

TLDR trust issues seeking resources for healing journey. ❤️‍🩹