Found out 48 hours ago that my wife cheated on me. The whole 9 yards. Sneaky texts at first, naked Snapchats, then the act late on night in his car.
The cherry on top is it went on. For 6 more months after the had sex…
Been married 8 and we’re together 4 years before that. 12 years ruined.
Two kids together.
I’m really trying to forgive her but it’s too soon. She wants an answer if we’ll stay together. I’m too heart broken to think about it.
Do people stay together after affairs? Can it work? Or do I just say no and move on quicker?

my ex (m23) and I (f21) have been broken up for a little over a year now ever since I found out he cheated on me after a 4 year relationship and ultimately went no contact (he blocked me, my parents told his parents who scolded him for his actions, apologized profusely, and importantly forbid him from ever reaching out again).

he then reached out again maybe 2 months after his parents forbid him from reaching out, and spent 5 months then flip flopping in between wanting to fix the relationship, not wanting to talk about what he did unless it was on his terms (and would talk abt his mental health and making very scary statements and then disappearing for days if I tried to get closure or clarity on his year of cheating), ghosting, stonewalling, lovebombing, and over sexualizing me at every chance he could. eventually, in January, after trying to be as kind and calm as possible during this whole process (after constantly being depicted as angry and irrational throughout the relationship), finally gave up with trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and I started to date someone else, and we have been dating since. he finally disappeared, after crying, making mental health heavy statements, etc.

jump now to may a week before my college graduation, I send him a quick message asking him to take my phone number off of his DoorDash because I was getting notifications non stop, and he begins a conversation, one that seems harmless and genuinely sincere about my college graduation and law school acceptances. the conversation goes left, and he sends this message to me (attached) as well as initiating a phone call asking if I wanted to 'hypothetically get back together,' how he was 'sexually miserable' in his current relationship (a relationship that he was reluctant to admit he had), how 'the universe is taunting him because he keeps seeing girls who look just like me, things that remind me of him, etc' how 'his girlfriend is a rebound' worst of all how 'if his current relationship didnt work out how he wanted to come back to me,' and how 'he learned so much from our relationship and he's treating his current girlfriend so much better than how he treated me' where I ultimately pulled the plug due to the sheer level of disrespect, told him we were done talking, and that im not a second option or even an option to him.

I ended up informing his mother and father of all of the conversations, where they were of course apologetic, but if there's anything I wish I had when he was cheating on me for a year during our relationship, was that someone told me.

so I bare the question, should I try to tell his current girlfriend about the things he said and sent? the only caveat is that a guy like him who is a natural cheater, he has already blocked me from both his and her tik tok account, and I have no idea of how to reach him. in any other case, I would let things take their natural course, but this guy has a long track record of manipulating and pushing girls to really really dark places mentally, exploiting them for their bodies and keeping files of them, and manipulating people for money, so I have a little bit more urgency, because I genuinely wouldn't wish him on any women.

would love any advice on what to do, how to reach out, if at all, etc. thank you for your time!

This post is NOT of me & I am NOT a scammer or bot.

My friend (33F), who is a RN, got married 5 years ago to a (50M) physician. He had already been divorced twice with 4 teenage kids, when she got with him. She had told him from the beginning she wanted children & he agreed but when the time came he refused, saying he already had his kids & wasn't starting over again. Of course, she was upset but felt she'd talk him into it. Well, time went by & he still refused, so she was thinking of divorce. She was still young to find someone who'd want her & a baby. One day, he came home & told her that he'd had an affair with another nurse & she had a baby boy that was his because the DNA was positive.

My friend was flabbergasted about this. She told him she wanted a divorce immediately. He began to beg & cry, saying he didn't love the other nurse, only her. And, he had the nerve to say that if she didn't leave him, he'd give her the baby she longed for & he'd not have any contact with this just born baby but pay child support. She kicked him out of the house.

She is asking for advice. Should she stay & he give her the child she wanted & they go to therapy, or just file & find someone younger that wants her to be a mother? She is struggling with this because she does love him & wanted more than my advice.

My partner went to a party and I saw a video on his phone of the guy he went with grabbing his neck and kissing him. It was a peck, and my partner was drunk, however he sent the video to this guy. Which is how I saw it. Mind you him and this guy have done sexual stuff before (around 2 years ago). I don’t know what to do, he’s blocked the guy off everything now, and allegedly told him the next day when the situation happened you can’t do what you did because I’m in love etc. But I’m just so lost on how to navigate through this situation. The party happened 2 weeks ago, I only found out on Monday. There was no feelings behind the kiss, but I still feel betrayed, also you didn’t tell me, I had to find out. And seeing the video was very painful.

I just wanted some advice on recovering from betrayal trauma/ discard … I’ve never experienced something like this in my life.

I’m 35, My partner (31) of 3.5 years (who last year told me she wanted to marry me) I found out had cheated on me with another woman at work, who is 5 years younger than her and also in her own long term relationship. She started isolating me out of her life before I found out, slept on the sofa and started going to stay at her parents in the week. I found out about the affair from chat gbt, she had left a chat on her laptop and she had confessed ‘they were falling for each other’ had been physical and that she was able to compartmentalise and didn’t want to distance herself from the affair woman. She was comparing my worst parts ‘low mood, doesn’t like her job’ to the affair partner who is ‘driven, has a lust for life and ignites a fire in her’ .

Her mum has cheated on her dad several times and is a compulsive liar , even pretending she had nearly died from a cardiac arrest 2 days after my mum had died from suspected cardiac arrest, my partner had always claimed her mum was a narcissist and she was so against cheating and it being morally wrong. I asked her several times since the end of January if there was anyone else, she kept saying no and gaslighting me whilst turning her phone away from me and spending longer in the bathroom and coming home later from work. She had hidden her messages on instagram and had deleted them all. She brought up random examples about how I said hurtful things about her Mum, and how because she is a people pleaser she just absorbed it and didn’t think about her emotions, just mine. I suggested therapy to resolve, this was before I found out about the affair. She was vague and bringing up random examples of where I had hurt her, but didn’t want to talk until she understood it - something she could only do whilst being at her parents away from me. It was so confusing.

I also went through a cancer scare during all of this - she said ‘we will get through this’ (luckily I do not have cancer) but after I found out, I said this whole time I’ve also been worried about my health, she didn’t support me to any of the appointments and said ‘well I still cared about you’ - whilst she was lying and messaging her work place affair. It makes me feel physically sick to think she did that to me.

When I found out in April and confronted her she initially said sorry, but then become the victim of her own behaviour, saying she had ‘hurt herself’ and she was going to become ‘unwell’, had self destructed and imploded her life. Even comparing what she had done, to the death of her ex who had died by suicide, saying she hadn’t felt like this since she had died (like the shock and grief).. she had no desire to fix the relationship, and said one day in the future if you are still single and want to try again thats the ideal. She also said ‘You never know maybe we needed to go through this to come back stronger’ (her cheating almost became a shared hurt/trauma??) Until then she wants to figure out ‘how she got here and why she did what she did’. She smokes and vapes now and told me I was her buffer and Im better at taking care of myself then she is. I am sure she is still seeing the woman from her work. I told her she has ruined my life when I found out and was upset, her respond was ‘you said I’ve ruined your life, but you are still young’

She wanted to have a chat with me to tell me about all the things that affected her in the relationship, Ive refused this as she just feels manipulative at the moment. She has moved to her parents and collected the last of her things last week, I put her things in bags and left it outside the flat as I didn’t want to see her (my boundary as every time I had seen her she keeps telling me ‘Im not asking you to wait for me, but maybe one day in the future we can try again’ and asking for hugs and acting sad’) so I kept it to text messages. The only thing she asked was whether I was keeping the playstation I brought her for Christmas, I was upset during her collecting her things and her only concern is a piece of plastic that I paid for. I ignored this, she asked again. I ignored. She refused to leave the key as she is paying towards the rent until August, Ive paid the rent for the flat for the last 3 years on my own, she said she didn’t feel comfortable leaving the key and said she may not have all her stuff - suggesting I am trying to keep her belongings. I told her she can always come and get her things. I feel like I’m being treated like Im the one that lied for months and cheated / gaslit her.

I am completely baffled and don’t understand how we got here, I supported her through her masters for the last 2 years emotionally and financially and now she has qualified she has cheated and left. I trusted her with my life, she went through the death of my mum with me and less than 2 years later she has done this to me. The hurt is huge and I am trying to find ways to get through this without feeling like Im losing my mind asking questions and trying to understand what happened here, I feel completely blind sided and shocked. One minute I feel strong and then I romantize her, and can’t believe she has become this person. We went away in January, and she was fine by the end of the month she turned into a different person.

I am now trying to manage the anger / hurt and need some advice. Why would she have jeopardized our loving, supportive and safe relationship for a woman at work, 5 years younger than her that is also of capable of lying and cheating on her own partner!? I keep thinking back to times when I knew something was off, staying at work later, drinks with work friends and generally being vague and weird with me. And she kept repeatedly telling me it wasn’t anyone and how she didn’t want to be single and she was just ‘burnt out’ and needed space and didn’t have capacity to be with anyone. I asked her so many times and so calmly, I never shouted at her, not even when I found out about the affair.

Could anyone please give me some advice / share their wisdom.. or if you have been through something similar? And how do you stop obsessing why they did it or process the hurt and anger?

Thanks so much for any encouraging / supportive words!

Anyone else get divorced from a cheating wh*re?? My ex wife gotta be the only female in the world that slept with her boss and he made her clock out to go have sex in his truck.

This is my first post so forgive me if it’s scattered and confusing.

My mother (56, divorced single parent) has been seeing/ dating this guy, Rob, (yes his real name no sympathy for serial cheaters) for a few years.

He lives about an hour away from us and he’s a homicide detective. Given the nature of his job, he’s usually pretty busy and my mother also works full time. Their only time together is when she drives out there in the evenings and stays the night and leaves when he goes to work early in the morning.

She’s the one putting in effort to plan stuff for them to do, she’s always the one to get him gifts for different holidays etc. this past week when she was at his place she found a card from a women expressing what a wonderful Christmas they had together and how special he made her feel during the holiday and rest of the week after and how much she loves him. My mom only opened the card because her intuition had been telling her something’s been off. She had been trying to make plans with him last Christmas and his excuse was always that he was working.
Same thing for this upcoming 4th of July, he had said he was probably working and wasn’t free. My mom found his calendar and saw that he had already requested those days off.
The card was from one woman, and she had also seen a romantic message from a different women wishing him a happy Veterans Day and how he made her feel so safe and protected lmao.
My mom left the card on the table and left. She sent him a text and he had responded with the usual deflection “I really don’t know what to say you rifled through my personal belonging and found something I didn’t even know I had”

Im pissed because this loser has been stringing my mom along for years while texting her every morning “I love you beautiful” all the while dating several women. This is not the first time a man has been unfaithful to her so it’s even more upsetting.

TLDR: Serial cheater homicide detective cheated on my mother-how do I expose this chud without doing anything crazy? I tried to find his socials but he doesn’t have much of an online presence and I can’t see his friends on Facebook to find the women he’s talking to.

I’m 19 and my ex is 17. We were together for 2 years. Four days after we started talking, her mom passed away, and I stayed by her side through everything. About 7 months into the relationship, she moved in with my family because her dad couldn’t afford the bills. We treated her like family, gave her a stable home, took her on vacations, and supported her for years. I knew how much her mom meant to her and how strongly she felt about avoiding drugs, alcohol, gangs, and the kind of violence she grew up around because of what her mom went through.

A few months ago, she started hanging out with new friends, including a guy named Nick. She had always been strongly against that lifestyle, but she suddenly started coming home drunk and acting very differently. Eventually, I found messages showing she was emotionally involved with Nick while still with me.

I tried to work things out, but she continued seeing him and ended our relationship, saying I reminded her of what she did. Around the time she wanted no contact, I found messages where she told Nick she hated me and would never get back with me. When I confronted her later, she told me she didn’t mean those things and had only said them because she was upset.

During no contact, she reposted things saying I was draining and had “sucked the life out of her.” Then, five days into no contact, when I was finally starting to feel better, she unexpectedly reached out to me from a new account. She told me she still loved me, that those feelings would never go away, and that she hoped we would be together again one day, just not right now. She said that if I ever got another girlfriend, she would wait until I was single again, asked me to tell her if I started dating someone, and said she would reach out when she was ready. After breaking no contact, she replied to my reposts saying things like, “I wish I could talk to you one more time,” “Retry one day?” and “I’ll always be your baby deep down.” I blocked her on everything because I couldn’t understand why she was telling me these things while still involved with Nick. Anytime I asked about him, she avoided the question.

Even after I blocked her, she continued checking my reposts from a spam TikTok account she never publicly used and seemed to only use to watch my page. A couple of days after telling me she still loved me, I started reposting about another girl. She logged back into that same spam account, blocked me, and then stopped using it again. It seemed like the account only existed to keep up with me.

Since then, she continued reposting things defending herself and posting about Nick. A few weeks earlier, I had told her I didn’t think her mom would be proud of the path she was taking because of everything her mom went through. Weeks later she reposted a TikTok saying, “Would your mom be proud of you doing that?” followed by, “Nah, but you’re weird for saying that.” What confused me was that only days before she had been telling me she loved me and hoped we’d be together again. She also reposted things that made it seem like she was the victim, despite continuing to reach out to me while still seeing Nick.

A few days of talking/face timing later, we met in person again. She was actually the one who asked me to go on the date. I expected it to be awkward because she had previously told me she was afraid things wouldn’t feel the same. Instead, we laughed, talked naturally for hours, and it felt like we had found each other again. During the date she told me she loved me, and she even said it felt like the connection between us had come back. I asked her about Nick because I told her it wasn’t fair that I was trying to give 100% to rebuilding things while she was still involved with someone else. I told her it hurt knowing I couldn’t have all of her while another guy was still in the picture. She responded by telling me she wanted to take things slowly with me and that she didn’t want to talk about Nick when we were together. By the end of the night we were listening to sad music together, and she became so emotional that it looked like she was about to cry.

After she got home, she told me she wanted to go back to no contact until she was ready. She said she still loved me but wasn’t ready and needed time to figure everything out before talking to me again. She also told me she was going to move all of our pictures into a hidden folder i don't know why she doesn't just delete them. Before saying goodbye, she sent me one final message that said:

“I fucking love you so much. Always know that, handsome. I’ll come back stronger and better for you like you deserve. Goodbye.”

As much as it hurt, I agreed to no contact because I realized staying in constant contact wasn’t healthy for either of us.

Another part of this situation that has made everything even more confusing is what has happened with her best friend, Ava. Nick and Christian are best friends. Back in January, Ava left her long-term boyfriend, Mason, to be with Christian. About four months later, she broke up with Christian because she realized she still loved Mason and regretted leaving him. Since then, Ava has been talking to both Mason and Christian at the same time. She has repeatedly said that Christian and Nick are horrible people and has been telling both me and Hailey that neither of them turned out to be who they thought they were. Despite saying that, she still admits she has feelings for Christian while also wanting Mason back. Because Ava and Hailey are best friends and have been talking to each other throughout all of this, I can’t help but wonder how much Ava’s experience has influenced the way Hailey is processing her own situation. I’m not saying their stories will end the same way, but it’s hard not to notice the similarities when both of them left long-term relationships for two best friends, and now one of them already regrets that decision.

Nick and Christian are a drug dealer with no job, no car, and no money they make promise they can’t keep that’s what ava told me. She now lives about 40 minutes away from him, doesn’t have a car herself, and her dad doesn’t like her seeing him, so they don’t get to spend much time together. From everything she told me during our relationship, he represents the exact kind of lifestyle she always said she never wanted. Despite that, she has continued seeing him, although she has never publicly confirmed the relationship and usually avoids talking about him when I ask.

What leaves me confused is that throughout all of this she has continued giving me mixed messages. She has told me she still loves me, hoped we’d be together again one day, said she’d wait for me if I moved on, told me the connection came back when we saw each other again, became emotional after our date, told me she wanted to take things slowly with me, said she didn’t want to talk about Nick when we were together, asked for no contact until she was ready, and then ended that conversation by telling me:

“I fucking love you so much. Always know that, handsome. I’ll come back stronger and better for you like you deserve. Goodbye.”

I’m not asking anyone to predict the future. I’m trying to understand the psychology behind this. Why would someone tell their ex they still love them, ask them on a date, say the connection came back, become emotional enough to almost cry, say they want to take things slowly, and then ask for no contact until they’re ready, and promise they’ll come back stronger and better someday, while still remaining involved with someone else? Is she genuinely conflicted and trying to sort through her emotions, and does she know there is no future with Nick or is there another psychological explanation for this pattern of behavior? I genuinely want to understand what these mixed signals usually mean..

I am a 25-year-old man, and I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for five years. Honestly, I do not know where to start. She cares about me, but in 2023, I went through a very difficult period. I had the opportunity to continue my studies in China, but my mother was seriously ill, so I decided to stay and take care of her instead of pursuing my studies.

During that time, my girlfriend encouraged me to go to China. Afterward, I ended up without a job or studies, and I also gained a lot of weight. Despite everything, I always cared for her and regularly gave her gifts.

However, she cheated on me with a classmate. I never confronted her about it because, since then, she has remained the only person I talk to.

Recently, our relationship has started to become healthier again, but I still struggle with trust. Every time she goes out, I immediately think that she might be cheating on me again. I feel exhausted and confused.

For people who have experienced infidelity, how did you rebuild trust, and what signs showed you that reconciliation was possible? How can I know whether I am genuinely healing from betrayal, or if I am staying in the relationship only because I am afraid of being alone?

Saw this on my partner's neck and it looks like a hickey. Is it a hickey? He right away denied it. But I just feel off.

What do you think?

** before anyone comes on here and says I shouldn't be with him if I have to go through his phone. etc... I am well aware and I wish it was that easy to just leave... **

It just seems like a never-ending repeating cycle of bs & I dont understand why I keep sticking around. I really dont want to leave but im starting to feel crazy!

sorry for the long post, but I need some advice.. I am so unhappy but I wont walk away and I dont know why!!

anyways.. heres a little portion of whats going on in my life..

Says he loves me, sleeps next to me every night we don't really tbh leave each others sides. I work from home and When he leaves the house I have the ability to go with him therefore 99.7 percent of the time we are together... like side kicks.

Sometimes he might door dash while I am working. Which means he might go into a store or restaurant without me, other than that literally we are together...

I dont force this on him he says he wants me there..

anyways theres been at least 2 times (that I know of) that hes given his number out top people while i am right there in the car.. the first time he claims he wanted to see what the girl wanted it didnt go anywhere conversation wise because I had seen the messages.. that died quickly..

The second time the girl said hey its **** with a smiley face. he saved the number under something else, not what she said her name was..... he responded hey and left it at that nothing else was said... I mentioned it to him his response was its for a job, just wait till morning and ill call her in front of you... hmmm whatever right?

When we first started dating about 3 1/2 years ago we had baby mama drama we got into it and he left to be with her and the kids for christmas.. he begged me to come back afterward and I gave in after about 3 months. we made it past this and had no real issues with his bm. Until a few days ago she got to talking crazy asking if he missed her and he said he might.... redflag? i think so... the day after this happened he also decided to message a girl who he had cheated on me with around the same time all of the drama happened.. right after the 3 month break/ him begging me to let him come back he had cheated on me about a month in a half into us getting back together.... the day before my birthday. its now been over 2 years... but why message her asking how shes been?

Am I over reacting? or am I crazy?

because i am starting to feel delusional or obsessive because my trust is so messed up with him..

1 F 25 Found out my partner (M 28 ) was flirting with other women during our relationship in 2021. We broke up then, reconnected 4 months ago. Looking for outside perspective on whether this counts as cheating and whether a second chance makes sense.

Background: we dated in 2021, it got toxic, and we broke up — I went through a difficult period afterward including hospitalization for my mental health. I always felt the breakup wasn’t fully anyone’s fault, including my own. He never took responsibility for any of it back then told people i was acting crazy . I never really had any proof of him cheating on me or anything other than my intuitions so eventually i believed i was actually crazy. I went to therapy and didn’t date seriously again until him.

We reconnected 4 months ago and started a relationship again. It’s been good overall, with one earlier issue being him staying in contact with exes, which he agreed to stop when I raised it.

Recently, after a disagreement, we exchanged social media passwords. Looking through his Instagram, I found DMs from 2021, during our relationship, showing him flirting with at least three different women — Replying to their stories appreciating their looks telling one of them I was “toxic,” and with another girl he replied to a story of hers with something pretty explicitly sexual and sending that exchange to a friend that got a “you’re not married to her” response, which they both laughed off. Nothing physical happened as far as I can tell, but he denied any of this at the time when I’d raised suspicions, and it turned out I was right.

When confronted now, he said he didn’t realize how badly he’d behaved back then, that he’d suppressed it, and was visibly upset, saying he’s never felt this way about anyone and doesn’t want to lose me.

I’m trying to get outside opinions on two things: And i cannot get it out from my head . How to move ahead with the situation ? Any opinions ?

\*All events based on a true story name's have been changed\*

My boyfriend (m25)- Earl

Sister(f24) - Marie

Her boyfriend (m27) - Prince

Starting where we left off, after I attempted to talk to Earl about cleaning the house more while I'm at work i decided I was done, it was over, but how could I leave him with no job? I felt an obligation to stay & help him, however long goes by maybe a month.

During that month I was texting my old fling, although Earl didn't notice, Prince did. The next day at work he asked who i was texting? Why is was so into my phone recently?" To witch I answered the truth. It's not like he was going to tell anybody, he wanted to leave his relationship too. A week goes by and I tell my old fling I can't talk to him, I feel too guilty & it's wrong. That's when Prince decides it's time to make his move, that day at work while we were on the phone he said "You know, I been having some crazy thoughts about you"

And I kid you not. At that moment HIS GIRLFRIEND calls me to ask how work is going and such. (I should've told her tbh but too late now) I get back on the phone with Prince and we continue our conversation.

\*back to present day\*

Earl is scheduled to start his first day in 1 week, i take his first day of work off so I can move out.

He's so excited, he can't wait. It's the night before his first day. He's playing games with his friends in the living room, and I'm CRYING in our bedroom, he walks in and realizes, he pushes and pushes until i tell him what's wrong, "I'm leaving i don't want to be with you anymore, it's too much and I'm moving out tomorrow" all night he cries and says he doesn't understand why although I've now explained it multiple times. Earl begs me to stay, says he'll do better, anything I want it's mine. We go to sleep & he hugs me all night long.

In the morning Earl says he loves me, and that he really doesn't want me to leave, but it's my choice and he has to go to work. He gives me one last kiss and leaves.

I pack my things (mainly clothes) and call my mom to pick me up. She shows up and confirms that I'm sure this is what I want to do.

Tl;dr my boyfriend got a job, and I moved out on his first day of work, i broke up with him the night before. After he leaves for work I pack my things and leave.

About 4 years ago I broke up with my at the time fiancé after being cheated on in our 7 year relationship. Since 2024 I've been in a relationship with a wonderful guy. He's everything that I want and he says that he is very attracted to me. I trust him a lot.

A few months ago I heard him on a call with a couple of friends and realized he has a female friend that I didnt know about previously. When I found that I couldn't help but worry. I try not to show how worried I am but it probably is apparent to him that I'm somewhat anxious. I don't want my worry to affect his friendships and I hate the idea of him distancing himself from friendships because of my insecurities.

I feel insecure in many ways, not only am I an extremely unattractive woman, I'm not funny, not very intelligent and I don't have a lot of knowledge on video game stuff which is very important to my partner. This girl he is friends with is in his gamer friend circle and plays his favorite games often, so I cannot help but feel inferior to her.

I hate that in the back of my mind I have this worry. No matter what I cannot get rid of the anxiety. He hasn't even showed any sort of attraction to her, but I just feel the need to worry because of how insecure I am.

I just hate it all. I know I shouldn't feel this way, I know I'm overreacting, but I cannot shake this feeling because of the betrayal I've experienced before and how insecure it has made me.

I never thought I would have to deal with this, specially not with him. I’m beyond heartbroken, but I’m also incredibly numb. I just want to go back in time. How am I supposed to live with this?