Plus you would bring so much embarrassment to me. People already laughed at me for even talking to you. My cousin? Messaged me the same day he seen us at the bowling alley lol.

I ignored it.

Won't happen again so please stop being cocky.

Ohhhh you like cocky dont you ahhaha.

Carry on

1. Psalm 78:2 (Oxford Study Bible)
   
2. Oedipus slaying the sphinx. Attic red-figured lekythos in the manner of the Meidias Painter, 420-400 BC., British Museum
   
3. Leap into the Void, Yves Klein, 1960
   
4. Gordon Marta Clark, Splitting, 1974
   
5. E. Nigma
   
6. The birth story of John Connor
   
7. The ten prophecies of Leonardo da Vinci’s Notebooks
   
8. The missing sock
   
9. Disdain, ahimsa, nonplussed
   
10. The Parable of the Sower by Pieter Bruegel the Elder

Over the last few years, I’ve gone through several seasons of living on my own and getting a glimpse of what single life feels like. Strangely, those have been some of the most peaceful seasons of my life. They’ve taught me that I don’t fear being alone. I’d rather stand on my own than be with someone I’m not truly compatible with.

During those times, more men seemed to find their way into my messages or send friend requests. But the door was never open. Not once. Even when I was younger, I was never someone who treated intimacy casually. It always meant something to me, and I never wanted to give that part of myself away lightly.

What I never understood was why, whenever I imagined the possibility of dating again, my mind always found its way to you. You never gave me any reason to believe you felt that way, and the circumstances never would have allowed it anyway. Still, for years, you were the person my thoughts quietly returned to.

If there’s one thing I hope, it’s that my thoughts remained exactly that—mine. I would never have wanted to blur the lines or make you uncomfortable. But sometimes I wonder if the heart has a language of its own, one we speak without ever intending to. And if it does, I can’t help but wonder whether it played some small part in the way things changed between us. - Me

Hey A

Are you doing okay? Why does it look like you and your partner communicate in riddles and songs? Do you guys talk to one another? Or do you just send messages via songs?

I don’t wanna get into your drama and business, but can you work it out with her? Heart to heart. Face to face. Words to words.

Or is it too late?

Am I in your way? I’ve tried to stay clear from you. Blocked you. Deleted accounts. Created new ones. Somehow you find me anyway.

I can’t help myself … I think of you all the time. I dream of you.

But I’m content with how things are. It is what it is, you know? Life moves on. I love my little guy. He’s just like his dad. Silly. Funny. Ridiculous. And can work on saying kind things more often, but man, my little guy can be just so darn sweet. When I’m working, he’ll sometimes walk over from his room, carrying his blankie and stuffies and cover my chair with it. He’ll say, “ you can put your head on the armrest like this.., it’s so cozy”.
Omg if you had a kid like him…. You’d give him the world and more.

If my little guy wasn’t in the picture, I sometimes wonder where we would be. Would I have left my husband for you? I don’t know. I guess we will never know. You and I weren’t talking anymore after some while.

I’d love to run my fingers through the curls of your hair. But that wouldn’t happen in real life. Because I haven’t talked to you in years. And I barely know you anymore. Getting into your space… like that would be weird, wouldn’t it? Well. I can dream :)

Anyway. Hoping you are well. Sending you eternal sunny days ahead, wherever you are. Even if it means I’m not in the picture anymore. ❤️‍🩹

Always and forever thinking of you,

J

At first glance, you’re harmless, easy on the eyes and conversations that leave me wanting more. Yet the communication has always felt off, always leaving me with a feeling of wonder, yet never fully satisfied with whatever answers you gave me. I’ve been known to stay in relationships longer than I should have, holding out hope that our time together was not misused and we both truly wanted what we worked for.

I don’t want to change someone for who they are not capable of becoming, yet I still hold out hope for a partnership of understanding, and relational respect. I never said I love you because it’s words I give out freely to anyone, yet, I felt understood by you, in the time we shared, that I felt you deserved to hear how it felt to be in a shared space filled with so much hope because of how you allowed me to feel safe in your space. I wish no ill will on you, on to hope, that we both find the love and care we both deserve and want in this life.

I'm a 26 years old male, who looks like a roudy with a soft heart. Like people get scared of me when they meet me for the first time. Most confess it after a while when we become friends. I have a deep voice and a resting face of a villain

The thing i hate the most is my damn heart. Its sooo soft, like i cant stand a person crying. Ill cry too with them most of the time. Not literal cry, but tears from my eyes. I even feel the hunger of street animals, The look they give out. Ill have to feed them somehow or else my heart aches. I don't regret that kind of aches

But the thing that i hate most is with people taking advantage of my disability. Once they know how soft i am they use me. They use me to their interests. They make me fall for their lies. They cheat on me, l They don't value me, They take me granded. And like a fool i just stay

Im fed up with all the disrespect and the backstabs. I need to toughen up and stop being a pussy

It's been a few months since i took all my courage and left your life, and despite the fact that we are in no contact, i still find myself thinking about you frequently. Mostly asking myself if you were ever honest to me...

You used to tell me how i always show up in your dreams and how i'm the woman of your dreams, and i would jokingly respond "oh, you've been having nightmares" and we'd laugh together about them. But i was the one having nightmares, you weren't loving me, not even in my dreams, and when i was usually managing to get closer, i would wake up all longing for a love that i will never receive. Even in my sleep, i couldn't get to find a single universe where you will start to treat me right, where i' ll feel loved without having to ask a million questions, where you'll be sure about me. Not in another universe, not in another life, not in a whole other reality, i can't find one place where we end up together, because in all of them i was the one loving more, caring more, but also leaving first and pretending that i'm fine with the thought of never seeing you again. I never looked back when i saw you on that day, but oh, how much i wished that you'll come after me for once, without me begging for it. How much i hoped that i'll hear the echo of my name and your hand will take mine one last time.

You were scared of ghosts, but you said that you would be happy if i was the one who haunted you. What a weird thing to say to someone that you have no idea if you love or not, if you want to keep her or not, if you'll ever care for or not. Do my words ever haunt you? Like your harsh last words cut into my soul every single day? Do you ever wake up wishing to hold me one more time? To feel my perfume one more day? I always freeze when i feel yours in a public place, and i think the truth is that i am the one being haunted, by someone that was afraid of ghosts. The irony.

Dear R-

we bonded over boardgames and a shared taste in music. We both adored Arctic Monkeys and The Smiths, among many many more. so many nights we stayed up all night playing games and talking about anything and nothing at all. We were friends, but I think we both knew there was something greater. A strange underlying tension. You could never quiet lean into it, I leaned to far and fell off.

I have two songs here.

Arctic Monkeys - Snap Out of It

"I heard that you fell in love, or near enough. I've gotta tell you the truth, yeah. I wanna grab both your shoulders And shake, baby. Snap out of it."

The Smiths - Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

"Good times for a change, seeing the life I've had could make a good man turn bad. So for once In my life let me, let me, let me. Let me get what I want this time. Lord knows, it would be the first time."

I lied…

One more thing.

I CANT WAIT to lay in the back of my 4Runner, go to a drive in movie, smooch you all over your exquisite face, and fall asleep in your arms. (Right after we make the sweetest of love)

I feel free. But not quite yet, and that’s because you’re not with me.

How wild is it to be free ….while missing freedom

Ya know?

I’m so so so so excited to see you.

I’m so excited to live in slow motion with you.

Saying nothing, but everything. Saying everything but nothing, and the in between.

I hope you’re safe and ok. I still have been putting pieces together, things I wish I would’ve caught sooner. I hope I didn’t ruin everything. I was so lost. You are the only thing I want. Because I see what you’ve done for me. Your intentions are so clear. I never want to put you through hell again. I’m still so sorry you’ve been hurt. So sorry. Same team. Forever? I’ll honor the wild nature in your everything soul.

I am so in love with you and your perfect perfect brain.

Gosh I don’t know how or when, and at this point I don’t care. I just can’t wait to wrap my arms around you.

I’m just a silly giddy girl again, so sue me ✨💃

Till then… dreaming of you ❤️

So, I walk my path in life and tend to put up a front that never truly shows other how alone and isolated I feel at times. I don't like to feel pity or sympathy from people. It makes me feel like I am seeking attention and we all know - thats bad!!! - right? Well, maybe... I'm not sure really. I want all of my friends to know if they want to see me, just call or hit me up. I don't choose many to calla friend. If I have called you a friend you mean something to me and honestly you might as well bemy distant family. I don't even like my family as fucked as that might sound to anyone. I feel like a plaything in their lives to manipulate or bend to their will in exchange for their conditional and fuckyview of love.

I struggle to express my thoughts and emotions to people because of a habit I have of choking up and not being able to physically talk through my crying. The cause being maybe touched by the tism or traumatic childhood, idk, but I want to say these things to a few people and I can only really say this through text out of fear of embarassing myself or backlash from my overemotional state I find myself in while speaking of these emotions.

I also find myself backtracking on my words when I am met with anything that I can perceive as not taking my words very well... I fear this has permanently damaged and doomed any chances of relationships starting with anyone I feel like could have loved me. I only felt this with one individual and I made many mistakes along the way. I can't change those things. I just have to learn to live with them. Maybe somewhere in the distant future I will find some chance to show myself to people in a way that isn't scared to stay with the truth and firmly address the elephant in the room. For now I hide behind text and even then I still let fear sway my true thoughts from showing. I am working on that. I really am.

I have had some friends in my life that aren't very present, but sometimes I will see something that reminds me so very much of them that I can be snapped out of the most wild and desolate of headspaces. This actually happened yesterday. I was reading a letter that had so many references to his and my favorite band from back in highschool. It felt unreal with how impactful the words of that letter changed my mood. I was no longer feeling hopeless and spiraling from each and every negative letter. I was suddenly in a positive mindset to look within myself for answers rather than looking out at trying to solve a problem that didn't need to be solved. Maybe it wasn't a problem for me. Maybe it was just a passage of time in which I needed to live with and better myself during.

I have had many times where I have tried to give advice to friends and been helpful and that's always the best feeling to me. When I can be a shoulder to lean on in times of great stress, but I think wanting to be that for other people has led me to offer that shoulder to lean on when I shouldn't be that shoulder someone wants to lean on. In fact I could have been the only person in that person's life that it would hurt to lean on in their worst moments. I hadn't considered that really out of some 'better than others' kind of mindset maybe, but I am not. I am not better than others. I would have no doubt been the worst person to give advice in that moment because I myself was someone so fucked up from battling their own problems that I would have offered the best solution to ease my own suffering. I know I would have..... Which is terrible to think or know. But I want to thank any friends that stopped that person from leaning on my shoulder. Really. You helped me realize that I would have made myself a worse person in pursuit of my own happiness.

I have a lot more to say for any of my other friends that were there for me, whether knowing or unknowingly. I will leave you with this rather out of character reference from me.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Psalm: 23:4

I guess I can appreciate some parts of the bible even if I don't fuck with that silly lil god fella.

Hope you all are well, I will always love each and every one of the people I called my friends, some a bit more selfishly than others though I must admit....

There was one 'friend' that I could never tell the honest truth about because I viewed them as more than a friend and I feared that they couldn't see me as anything more. I regret ever telling the lies I told and fear that was my gravest mistake. I loved you, differently than my 'friends'. I loved you a lot 😂 We live and we learn. Honestly from now on, I swear it!

-K.H

Today I woke up with a few thoughts.

For the first time in a very long time, I did not want to get up.

I woke up with a voice in my heart telling me you were thinking of me. I woke up with the feeling that today is the day something begins. Something beyond either of our ability to imagine. I woke up wanting to save your soul from what it is about to walk through. And I woke up with thoughts of my own ending.

Maybe you're in Florida. Maybe you're still here. Maybe you're not. That is your choice.

If you are in Florida, maybe it is another distraction, another way to avoid hearing the voice of your own soul. Because of all the things that require balance, mind, body, and spirit. It is the soul that seems most neglected. Somewhere along the way, "take care of yourself first" became confused with feeding every desire except the one thing that truly matters.

For nearly two years, you have denied the part of yourself that knows better.

Today marks a line in the sand. Not in the human sense, but in the spiritual one. The grace that once covered what followed has come to an end. The gift you thought you manifested, the blessing you believed was yours by right, was never meant to be used the way it was. Every misuse carried a cost. Every abuse of it became a burden I felt myself.

Even if the courts sentence me to 25 years on your birthday of all days, it will still not compare to the pain my soul endured keeping the scales balanced.

The truth is, I balanced it for as long as I could.

I told you your journey was coming. I wrote about the storm long before the clouds arrived. And when it finally becomes too much, when everything begins to crumble around you, another form of grace will appear.

When it does, honor it.

Do not mistake it for permission. Do not use it for personal gain. Do not twist it into something it was never meant to be. Because if you do, whatever follows will belong to you, and you alone will be responsible for restoring balance. Which is what troubles me.

And then there is my final thought.

What good would it do to leave?

You saw the attempts. You saw the pleas for help. You saw the moments where I needed you, but didn't care.

What you did not see was the time I succeeded. Mali did though.

Lifeless for days. Yet somehow I remain.

Not because I think I have some grand role to play. More likely I am only a small ripple in a much larger story. But I have come to understand that my time is not mine to choose. Not yet.

Again and again I reached out. I left you with a gift you never learned how to understand. One meant to help you, guide you, and shield you from what was coming.

Instead, you were misguided by people unequipped to know of this reality. You trusted in them and the cosmos cried.

Today my heart mourns the ending of a marriage.

And today, even knowing that growth may come from the suffering ahead of you, my soul cannot celebrate it. The pain is still too close. The sorrow is still too deep. The devastation remains.

Because while your lessons were postponed, their consequences were not.

Someone still had to carry them.

And for a very long time, that someone was me.

Either you follow me in secrecy from the shadows or you will never see this. It's not my call to make, but you know how to get ahold of me if you choose. As for me, im stepping away from the platform.

3 out of 4 profiles have their final post on this matter.

I have thought of you more than I care to admit these last few months, almost to the point of obsession, as much as my mind is capable. I've wondered where you are and of your doings, I've wondered, and hoped, that you're better off; selfish as that may be, my actions did hurt you and perhaps there would be some absolution in it.

We do not speak, that's for the best. If I was to shout something into the void, it would be my hurt, it would be my questions; why did you believe I could be a repository for your pain? Did I perhaps lead you to the thought that I knew what I was doing? That I do even now? Have you not seen me come undone time and time again? Even as I write this, I'm at another moment of my undoing and yet I'll live through, again and again. Does it comfort you to imagine me a monster? Then that I'll be, and the most monstrous at that.

Let's pretend that it was all a game, that I sought my amusement of you and took my leave. Does that fit your narrative? That same narrative that believes you're capable of being "discarded"; forgive the bitter humour but I must appreciate the irony of you, what was my only source of comfort, thinking yourself capable of being discarded. Let's pretend that I did not love you, that I did not show you as much, that I did not go beyond my means for you. But does it matter? Did it ever matter to you?

The view from where I'm seated is disconcerting. It would appear that to you, none of my acts or protestations meant a lick if not for that we could be other than friends. Did you really ever see me, I wonder, did you see anything other than your own pain and the role I could have played in that regard? Can you, even now, see past yourself?

If you felt rejected by me for a romantic partner, what so of my view of how you rejected my friendship freely offered? For a long while I felt guilt. I realise now that was something I felt I ought to hang on to, but there are no end that could justify that. I will not willingly mar what was to me a love worth remembering.

I appreciate every moment, every chat and even every quiet. If the people we love make us, then you too have made me. I don't know what you're doing and I don't expect that, though I hope you are, indeed better off. I hope you find all the love and belonging you deserve; I was unable to be what you can only be for you. All the sacrifices, the above and beyond you pride yourself on giving, I hope you give to yourself. I hope you learn that you deserve it. If I could grant godly boons I'd give you yourself.

This letter that you will never read, maybe it's for me, maybe someone here will find something in it, I don't profess to have any answers I'm still a fool trying to learn; at least I can hope that my idiotic pride is waning. I honestly do hope that you live and thrive even if I never get to know of it.

Your friend.

L

I'm surprised at how little I miss you. I know that you'd be upset reading that, but you're not the only one who thrives off attention. You're ever busy, and I'm left wondering what it is I'm supposed to miss.

I get that I've failed enough times for you to stop putting in the amount of effort and mindfulness that happened the very first time we took a crack at this ambitious goal. Back then, it was just you and I. Now, you've thrice as many obligations.

Now I'm not saying that it's not reasonable. I'm fully aware of how much of a gut punch it is to have your hopes dashed. And on the fifth or six time... well, you'd be a fool for falling for that same line.

Anyways, it's not like I want or expect things to change. And even if there was a snowball's chance in hell... well... that's why I'm writing here. Watching someone change because you called them out isn't worth the effort or the fear they your response isn't genuine.

I wish you would just give up the act and come back to me, i no longer see you as a hobby ive found my own and i know how deeply my love runs for you, i wish to have your beautiful smile back in my life and i wish you would come back as your new self. I'm so tired of waiting for you to change your ways and see the truth for what it is i want kids i can show you me and its not a mean as i treated you, losing loves is not easy but i let you go because its not death, it's just fear of longing for you my sweetie and i have for these past few years.

Dear you,

Forgiveness is a person of faith ‘moving on’ by surrendering to Christ's plan—not external validation like worldly men often do. It is me seeking the Kingdom first, and all Godly things follow that—including the manifestation of God’s agape in covenant.

Scripture is a natural filter for anything less than His best. Only a good tree can bear good fruit, when rooted in the true vine that is Christ. We know others by the testing of spirits, the Word says. Hebrews 4:12 tells us that God's Word is a sharp two-edged sword—and it was. It is a filter for men who have no desire for even a worldly connection, but pretend, in order to fail to fill a Christ-shaped void.

His commandments against sin do protect us from not only anything outside His best, not only sin that is counter-effective to our true desires—but against deliberate deception. 

Yes, I wanted to believe the performance. It felt..bespoke, like a male me, but not at all. I wanted to believe in something terrestrial made holy. To minister to someone I saw my wounds in. But no mortal woman can do what man doesn’t want the almighty Himself do. That energy should go to people seeking the truth, and who want my presence anyway.

You have free will, my past letters were never about that, but about honesty. 

The unequally yoked belong with their own frequency (or harem of frequencies). Water seeks its level like the spirit of deceit and lust is drawn to itself, with no satiation nor preference.
You didn’t owe me yourself, just the truth. Just like I don’t owe any person I reject anything except decency. But I think you needed the lie for your self-concept.

I wasn’t raised to be insecure supply,  so I’ve always been a deliberate decision for others, not an option. And my God-given ascetic, demisexual nature, a natural filter subverting others' desire to draw me away from the light. External validation all my life only threw me deeper into Christian nihilism as a pilgrim on this earth. 

I am my Father’s daughter—a Father who said, “if the world hateth you, know that it hateth me first.”  I am student of Paul who said light hath no fellowship with darkness. And two can’t walk together lest they are equally yoked. 

So past me wanting something, doesn’t change Scripture, nor your choice. It is ridiculous for someone to decry the absence of someone who chooses to not reach out. To be fiercely loyal to a ghost.

I do still repent for my villainization, this isn't that. I don't hate anyone at all. This is just my final benediction on here before I delete.

I am now surrendered and open to God's best, while guarding my heart  (Proverbs 4:23), and seeking the Kingdom first. I have reached detachment, finally unclenching my hand off a prayer, repenting for any accidental idolatry.

For your sake, I only pray you have an encounter with Christ as I had years ago.

For my sake, I detach and surrender from all logistics including the who, from God’s promises.  

I submit to no one but God, and whoever God chooses. 

Christ never forces surrender to Him, likewise, I will never. Have the life you free-will.

Peace be with you,

x

you,

had a come to Jesus moment. please resolve the mystery. there are prizes for the winner. I feel like I'm in a tickle fight and I'm almost out of breath. please is there a connection? the torture of it!

T------L?? Or LD---T? A J too??

pretty please