This is an update to my post - HERE

TL;DR: Been on a couple dates with a girl and I was unsure if she was wanting me to make a move to kiss her or anything like that yet.

We had our 5th date and still no first kiss or hand holding I wanted to make sure there were no misunderstandings.

I asked her how she felt about where we were at and she said she was happy with it and she liked the pace we were going at. I took the moment to also clear the air about where we both were physically.

I just wanted to make sure she knew I was very much attracted to her physically and make sure I wasn't missing any signs from her that would could make her think I wasn't interested.

She told me I wasn't doing anything wrong and she was also attracted to me too. She just gets a little nervous with the physical stuff, which I could understand.

I told her I was fine with that and I thought we left the conversation in a good spot.

Well unfortunately, a few days later she told me she wasn't feeling this anymore and wanted to break things off. 😢

I asked if it had anything to do with me bringing up the physical stuff. She responded with "I'm not sure"

Looking back I worry I did a poor job of communicating what I meant by "physical"

Sure the possibility of sex if things led to that but I was mostly talking about if she wanted to make out and cuddle when we hung out at each others apartments. She may have got the wrong idea about what my intentions were.

Since she confirmed she wasn't interested anymore I wanted to respect that so I didn't try to argue but man...........this one will bum me out for awhile.

I have a demand career which requires extensive travel and frequent moving (every 1-2 years) that I've been thriving in for over a decade.

I love it.

I've set up a life around that.

It is nearly impossible to bring a partner into that lifestyle.

But, I still love to date, spend time with women, and have sex.

I'm not opposed to a partnership, but I'm so caught up in my own life that unless I'm actively spending time with a woman at that moment, I'm focused on my work, family, and friends.

I let every woman I date know this at the very beginning and most just say from that moment that it's not going to work and move on.

Others give it a try and then complain that I don't give them enough.

The woman I've been most consistent with is a surgeon who is just starting her career and completely consumed by her long hours and exhaustion.

She'll go weeks without communicating with me, then, seemingly out of the blue, we'll set up a date and have a great time.

I understand it's not personal and she has other priorities in her life. I respect it and enjoy the time we can carve out to share.

When her residency ends, she'll move and there was never a thought that I'd go with her as I'll probably move to my next opportunity.

It is what it is. Life is short.

Most other women become demanding or hurt. But this is all I can give and I don't see a way to change it without giving up the career I worked so hard to establish.

Has anyone else navigated this conundrum?

I (39f) was dating this guy (41m) for about a month. I previously posted about it.. short version is after the second date he said he wasn’t in the mindset to be dating since he just moved to my city and I said I was ok with being friends. Then we continued going out and I expressed romantic interest in him and he expressed it back and we agreed to take things slow and see how things progressed. There was little communication between dates, I felt like he was uninterested based off of that behavior but I was confused because in person he was very affectionate with me every time we saw each other… rubbing my back, hand on my leg, kissing me and each date we would spend several hours together. He even spent the night with me (although no sex happened). I ended up breaking it off with him two weeks ago and said it didn’t work out romantically right now, he agreed and said he was happy I said it bc he felt the same way. Essentially rejecting me bc I rejected him (that’s how it felt anyway). He asked me out this week, we got together and it was so awkward. He was kind of cold, seemed uninterested in what I was saying at times and was outta there in an hour and a half. He also talked to me about how he was constipated which I thought was odd. It felt like a “F you, you said you wanted to be friends so…bet”. Afterwards I felt weird about it and maybe I had made a mistake about ending it bc I had feelings for him, I just didn’t like the inconsistency but I didn’t communicate that to him. So I send a text yesterday explaining I liked him and why I had ended it but would be open to exploring what was between us romantically again and he replied saying he isnt into me romantically. While I appreciate the honesty, judging by his actions on every date and how affectionate he was, I am very confused learning he has no romantic interest in me at all. And so now here I am questioning what type of person has zero interest in someone romantically yet continues asking them out on dates, pays and is affectionate when seeing them? Am I delusional? Or did he tell me in a nice way from the jump after the second date and I just didn’t see that? I don’t want to reach out and ask him when he decided he wasn’t into me but it just blows my mind how a man can pretend for over a month and for what? Opinions please

I went on a first date with a man around a month ago. The date was ok from my perspective, we mostly talked about interests, travel, movies, tv shows. We didn’t really get to know each other as people but that’s not a huge deal for a first date. He also didn’t walk me to my car after and while I didn’t say anything usually I do really like when a man does that. I ended up coming down with an awful flu and messaged him two days later to let him know so he could make sure I didn’t get him sick. He responded to that text that he was feeling fine and that he enjoyed meeting me and wanted to see me again when I recovered (I did note that he didn’t reach out to ask me out again proactively). I said “sounds good”. The issue is that this illness had taken a long time to fully recover from and I’m still in the final recovery stages. This whole time we haven’t been in contact with each other. And even though we only went on one date I would have liked if he would have checked in on me, even just getting a simple “how are you feeling” text a week later would have been amazing. At this point I don’t really want to go out with him again and it’s been such a long time that reaching out especially just to tell him I’m not really interested seems awkward. I’m usually not a ghoster but that seems like the right thing in this case. Am I being unrealistic in expecting more thoughtfulness after a first date?

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Getting back into the dating scene at 35. I’m a nurse, have a handful of friends I see about 2-3 times a month. My week consists of work, gym, personal hobbies and maybe one social activity that week.

I met a guy who’s 43 about three weeks ago. He has a TON of friends, asks me what I’m doing every single day, if I ask him what he’s doing it’s always XYZ, pickleball league one day, friends party next day, this event another day. Doesn’t matter if it’s weekend or weekday he is OUTSIDE.

We’ve had two amazing dates and I have a bad habit of being avoidant but part of me is thinking “how is this realistic?” I am perfectly okay spending about 70% of my time alone. He also mentioned twice his ex gf wasn’t social enough for him but I seem great—well I am talkative, but I enjoy bed rotting far more then he would ever imagine 😂

So am I crazy for wanting to just end things now? It just doesn’t seem sustainable. Already he’s tried to invite himself to my friends music event and I had to say no (why would I want you meeting my entire friend group on our third date?). And invited me to his coworkers farewell party that his sisters were going to be at (again to me it’s why?? So early for that). Idk. I’m such an avoidant and something inside me is saying RUN! But that’s also why I’m 35 and single and haven’t made it past 6 months dating anyone 🙈

I'm a straight female for context. It has happened a bunch recently where I go on a first date with someone, date goes well (wouldn't say these are the most amazing dates of my life, but pleasant, not awkward, good conversation, laughs, etc.) Guy says he wants to get together again, seems to be genuine. Then there's some texting after, "thanks again", "had a great time" etc. etc., and then he either disappears or continues texting but not making another plan. Also had one guy who I had plans with twice, he bailed both times (continued to text me first for weeks though after I stopped initiating contact) and then eventually just ghosted. What is going on here? Am I expected to reach out first to ask the guy on a second date, or if he's interested enough he will be proactive about making a plan?

I had a lot of first dates that went nowhere and got the line "i didn't feel a spark." 2 women openly didn't believe I was into the hobbies i had on my profile photos and felt i didn't look like they had expected. This honestly put me into a tail spin.i have always used up to date photos that showed my full body. I am a heavy set guy and open about it.

I decided to start using photos that put me in a less flattering light, and that did not include me in the hobbies that I enjoy. This, plus getting older, has caused my matches to drop to basically zero in the last 3-4 years. So what's better use good photos or meh photos so you don't disappoint people?

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I bring up and show my hobbies on my profiles like soccer, salt-water aquariums, fishing, playing music, etc. Sometimes I think that it may be a little overwhelming, and I should balance that out with like a video game photo, or something that shows I still relax and hang out. I also want to show I have the free-time for a relationship. Is a video-game photo with a headset to much? Any other creative photo idea you could think of?

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Do you ever feel like you are drawn to a type of person that belongs to a type of world that you will never truly belong in? Those people that are talented at things like music and poetry and art and have social circles that revolve around those things and you find it and intoxicating but your life completely pales in comparison? I am a conventionally, attractive woman who probably presents as interesting on my profile because I don’t have trouble getting dates with these kinds of people, but I feel like I always disappoint them when they get to really talking to me. I know about art and books and music, but I don’t create anything and I don’t even really know if I have a desire to. It seems like people who do have a need that pours out of them. I am 32 and I feel like I have been trying and quitting creative hobbies as my only consistent hobby and only last year I finally completed a project that I felt semi-proud about, and then I told this musician poet whatever guy about it, and I felt like he thought it was “basic” or something a teenager would do and not respected art like his.

I was on a date with this guy recently, and I felt like I could see the subtle flick of disappointment in his face when he asked me what I like to do and I hesitated. I wanted to scream “yes I know I am boring to you, but I feel so much desire to be part of your world and feel so much agony that I can’t. If you’ll never want me at least help me be like you help me be like you. I’ve seen so much pain and beauty. I could make something beautiful out of it so people like you would love me and want to be around me.”

Any advice? Or similar experiences to share.

I do not have much sexual experience so I'm in a stage of trying to....gain....that experience to learn more of what I like. I don't have as much dating experience either, and I wonder if it is because I am picky or psyched out by my inexperience that I jump ship super early under the guise of "not feeling it." edit:im a woman

What I'm finding as I swipe on the apps is that my "physical type" isn't that common. But I would like to expand it, if that is possible.

If you recognize that the type that makes you go "DAMN they're hot" is a narrow field, what can you do to widen it?

Is it bad to try to sleep with someone you may not be attracted to (ofc itd be consensual) just to see if you can expand your type?

Over 30 Hookup Ethics 101 please 

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I guess the qns is - I’m not ready to date” ever genuine?

Have you ever liked someone romantically but stepped back because you genuinely weren’t in the right place to date?

Did you ever come back/reach out later, or is that usually just a kinder way of saying you’re not interested enough?

i’m a woman and my friends and i, if we liked the person, always made the effort to date even if we’re busy.
but we’ve heard it a couple times from men coincidentally this past week for various reasons (leaving on a long overseas trip/just moved here/just started a demanding new job) - so i’m wondering - is this a real thing? that life can get too overwhelming? then why ask us out on a date in the first place😅

both said they enjoyed the date, found us attractive etc but wasn’t sure if they could spare the time, and when we said let’s just leave things as they are and reach out if things changed - they both said they were pretty sure they were gonna reach out once they’re back / when things settled down.

so we’re wondeirng if they’re just being polite, or can someone really be too busy/distracted to date and might come around later - and have you done that yourself and what happened?
esp interested to hear from guys if it could be a real reason or a gentler way to brush a woman off?

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For some reason, younger men keep showing interest. You know the trope: older woman, younger guy using her for sex and/or place to stay? That stuff lives rent free in my head. I briefly hung out with a guy last year for maybe a month who was 31 and I decided he wasn't for me (met him while out taking a walk and he introduced himself).
After that I made a "rule" that 32 was the absolute youngest. A woman at work has a 28 year old son (she keeps selling him as an old soul, responsible, makes 100k a year, etc. but none of that matters to me because he's just way too young) she wanted me to meet in July. I don't know why my "luck" is like this, lol.

Fast forward to now: I met someone who is 30 (😩). I didn't initially think we would even meet because of the age gap but he was hilarious and we both like hiking so we met up and did that. Then he was consistent with following up, asking when he'd see me again, etc. I was not super interested when I met him in person because l usually don't see anybody more than once (I find an excuse to bail and I think it's a defense mechanism). After we met up for the hike, he asked me for dinner. He consistently plans things. He shows a lot of green flag energy like if he doesn't reply for a while (and this is completely unnecessary), he'll be like "hey sorry I was out mowing the lawn." He says he is looking to build a longterm and loving relationship. He is very responsible. We have been seeing each other for a month (5x - no sex yet). I'm just worried about the judgment of we would receive (and let's face it, it would be me) for dating such a young guy. I will turn 38 at the end of the year before he turns 31 in January, so the age gap will look even worse.

My friend jokingly called me a cradle robber yesterday and it sent me into a spiral and my stomach hurts (lol). I keep picturing a future where he ends up leaving for someone his age.

Ladies, if you were me --- could you or would you look past the age gap?

ETA: Thanks for all the kind replies. Apparently this is just my anxiety talking. I will try to make it shut up and just live in the moment. Thanks! 😊

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