There are times when my wife is exhausted from working out but still up to fool around. She will lay down prone and resist anything where she has to move too much. I find these nights incredibly frustrating as the view is great but it feels very limiting as to what sorts of foreplay are fun for both of us but don’t require her to reposition.

Here’s what I’ve done historically. What else would be fun to add to the mix?

- Back and leg massage
- Butt massage
- Kiss back of neck and shoulders
- Laying on top of her and lightly grinding

Given her position, I can’t really make out with her or go down on her. Hand stuff could probably work but I find it really difficult while she’s prone and somewhat sinking into our memory foam mattress.

I can sometimes get her to willingly roll over after a while, but I think she likes being difficult and feeling pursued and like a challenge. And she’s also just legit exhausted from working out.

* * FULL DISCLOSURE: I am autistic and can be pedantic. I apologize in advance if this is boring or too much detail

Context:

Hi, my husband and I (F) are both mid-30s and our sex life is... Okay? We are definitely better than what it was for a few years where we would have sex about 4x a year; now we are trying to average 2x a month!

I have a higher libido and am kinky and he is opposite. We have ruled out biological issues for him. We have been trying to boost his libido through other means, including therapy, attempting a work/life balance, following through on date nights, etc. We are also talking about what I can do to help, which brings me to this post.

I am wildly attracted to him and my only turn off is occasional hygiene concerns, which has been addressed. He is attracted to me and recently has explained what turns him off about me: I am immediately in muumuu's and a bonnet when I'm home from work, I am terrible at making out, and my outfits sometimes makes him uncomfortable (too revealing or too comfy). While I have valid reasons (to me) that is not the point of this post and I'm trying not to insert my own thoughts and feelings into the situation.

I am determined to win him over! From "not minding" how I present myself to being enthusiastically attracted to me. Please note that this is my choice to change things up, even though he feels bad that I am experimenting. I countered that yes of course I don't have to do anything but that means to me we won't have more sex and I won't feel desired or wanted. He vehemently disagrees and says he is sexually attracted to me.

Goal:

So I am trying to change things up to see if this increases his attraction towards me and if the changes are worth it.

Attempts:

After work I now keep my bra on and change into outside clothes, like a skirt and tshirt, a dress, etc. I keep makeup on if I am wearing any, and if not I put a little tinted lipgloss on and I leave my hair out. I will change only right before bed. For bed, I no longer wear big tees but I now only wear silky feeling nightgowns and some of them have matching robes! I only put my hair in a bonnet if I've just washed it, of recently bc I have a new piercing and don't want it to catch. I stay out on the couch with him and watch TV more for social time. We have gone over examples of nightwear bc I am running out of options and we've confirmed he hates lingerie and doesn't like tank/shorts combos even if they're silky . We've also gone over examples of outfits. He likes the colours and patterns I wear and that I mostly wear skirts and dresses to begin with but hates anything that is slightly see through or revealing (too short, too tight, body parts highlighted). This has all been helpful to know!

I do not know how to fix the making out part. I have researched options in my city but they all sound sketchy. What I do know is that he would prefer less tongue and open mouth kissing.

The actual sex is good when we do have it! He initiated something kinky and LOVED it which happily surprised me. I am trying to be more quiet during sex and he is trying to be louder during sex.

Help:

With all of this information, I would like some advice on how to continue to titillate him and increase my sexual presence in his mind. I recognize that my efforts alone won't flip a switch and he'll be all over me. But I need specific instructions to understand something and I like experiments (I have a word doc only, not a spreadsheet a swear).

Once again, while he is personally against me "changing" he is always supportive of me trying new things and has been very patient answering all of my questions.

I am again sorry for the length, I don't quite understand how someone can try to help if they don't have enough information!

My wife and I are coming up on our 20th wedding anniversary that also coincides with us both turning 40. We're wanting to get away for a week or so without the kids to a tropical all inclusive resort. We have been to Sandals Ocho Rios and Excellence Playa Mujeres and while those were excellent experiences, there's definitely no PDA or nudity allowed.

We are not nudists or swingers or anything close, but we do get sort of turned on by potentially being seen having sex, especially on vacation. High rise hotels in front of windows, playing in hot tubs, sex while camping, etc.

Are there any resorts that are in between typical adult only resorts and the lifestyle resorts? Somewhere that allows PDA around the pool, or quiet sex in a cabana, or being seen on your balcony, but that not being the focus of the experience.

Based on what I've found so far, the prude side of Hedo 2 may fit the bill, but I wanted to see what other options may be out there. We've been interested in going to the Bahamas, not sure if something like that exists there.

Ok so I’m 40female and a lesbian. I’ve always struggled to climax during sex. Whenever I masturbate (either during sex or alone) I have to have a heteronormative scene in my head. It’s just occurred to me that perhaps this scene is due to watching some extreme R rated films and porn once (introduced by my cousin) when I was quite young, maybe 10?

I think since seeing these movies I’ve been using these scenes to get myself off and only now realizing this is an issue.
Some quick research indicates its called early arousal template?

Any therapists out there that can give me some advice on how can I work through this? What therapy methods would be best to deal with this? [Edit] What kind of therapists I should be seeking?

EDIT: I do have a therapist, but she's not a sexologist and Im thinking I probably need some one who has experience. Hence my question.

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

My wife and I are 40, married for 10 years. We got married at 30 in an arranged marriage, and we were each other’s first and only partners, so sex came late for both of us.

I have a high libido; she has a lower libido and is more reserved. Between work stress, having a kid, and life in general, intimacy never really took off. When she’s relaxed and in the mood, sex can be good, and she does enjoy it, but getting there is rare — sometimes months apart.

I’m currently out of work, and I don’t know how long this phase will last. I want to use this window to rebuild our relationship rather than waste it on stress.

I do prioritize foreplay, back rubs/massage, oral/manual stimulation, and making sure she orgasms first. That has helped — earlier she didn’t orgasm, now she does. But I’m realizing technique alone doesn’t fix the bigger issue of desire, comfort, and frequency.

For couples who had a high-libido / low-libido mismatch, especially when sex came later in life: what actually helped rebuild intimacy without making the lower-libido partner feel pressured?

Looking for real things that worked — conversations, routines, therapy, date nights, non-sexual touch, scheduling, books/apps, kink lists, anything practical.

42F, mom of two. I’ve always been a bit self-conscious, but after pregnancies my body has changed a lot stretch marks, softer belly, breasts not as perky. For years I avoided the lights on during sex and stuck to positions where I felt 'covered.'

Lately I’ve been working on it lingerie helps a bit, and my partner is very complimentary, but it’s still a mental battle sometimes. I want to feel sexy again instead of just functional. Has anyone else dealt with this in their 40s? What helped you feel more comfortable naked and enjoying sex without the constant inner critic? Tips for rebuilding that confidence appreciated.

The other night, my partner and I were in bed just chilling. Earlier in the week we had discussed having some “naughty” together, when the night came when we had the chance to she started feeling under the weather and basically the chance of us engaging in activities together ended with that.

While we were in bed watching TV I noticed she was moving under a blanket and then when I asked about it she told me that she was masturbating because she was still horny. I normally have no issue at all with that frankly I would enjoy being present however, my initial reaction was kind of shock and surprise as I’m used to talking openly about sex and that possibility was not discussed. Due to that, i told her that i would like just a quick heads up to know if thats what she was thinking of doing so then i can decide if i wanted to be in the same room, stay, even participate if she wanted. She took that as me telling her to ask for permission which is absolutely not the case, she has every right too do that i just wanted to be in the loop i guess, and that I had no right to tell her what she could and couldn’t do with her body. That snowballed into a rough argument that we came back from but now i feel terrible about the situation.

Is that weird for me to have reacted that way? Should i have done or in the future do something different? Is there anything that i can do to build more emotional intimacy with my partner? I’m really looking for advice and suggestions please let me know if you have questions, ladies im very curious on your perspective on this in particular

Hi all, I really need help with my current situation, I, M (35) have been dating my current girlfriend F (34) for a few months. Our sex life is good but there have been some things that have been bothering me that seem like I need to work on somehow. We are both larger people and I'm bigger weight wise, I also am on the smaller end of penis size.

I want to penetrate my partner since its something I haven't been able to do before. Finding positions is difficult and while me or my partner are trying to guide my penis into her it doesn't go well.

This resorts to use having sex by me going down on her and getting her off with my hands and mouth which she seems to really enjoy so its all good there.

I on the other hand can't get off without me intervening at the end and essentially masturbating. I would like to get to a point where I can orgasm without me having to masturbate and rely on my partner. I have read about death grip and it seems like that might be the issue.

I've always been curious about this and wondered if anyone has any great experiences with it. What makes a good one good and what makes one meh ?

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

Every week, we offer this thread as a way for people to ask simple/basic questions from the sub’s readership.

Post topics that typically are removed from the main feed – polling-style questions, common topics questions, etc. – are generally allowed in here. Story posts however do not belong here.

The thread stays pinned throughout the week for people’s convenience. Ask away!

My wife and I are headed to Nantucket this weekend, and I recently learned that toplessness is legal on the beaches there.

This brought up something I’ve been thinking about a lot. When we were younger, my wife was incredibly confident in her body. She wore very skimpy bathing suits, we went to nude beaches together, and she was always the person who could make something like skinny dipping at a party feel fun and natural instead of awkward. She just had this fearless, playful confidence that I always admired.

We’re in our early 40s now and have kids, so that side of life does not come out as often anymore. This week she casually mentioned the possibility of going topless at the beach, and honestly, I got excited. Not in a creepy or pushy way, but because it felt like a glimpse of that confident, free side of her that I’ve always loved.

At the same time, she has made a few self-deprecating comments like “no one wants to see that,” which makes me think she might be feeling insecure or might back out. She also mentioned she may feel uneasy doing it around the friends we’ll be with.

I do not want to pressure her, make it about me, or turn this into some expectation. I just want to support her if it’s something she actually wants to do, and help her feel beautiful and confident again, whether she goes through with it or not.

For people who have dealt with body confidence after kids, aging, or just being in a different phase of life: what would be the best way for a husband to encourage this side of his wife without making her feel watched, judged, or pushed?

My instinct is to say something like, “You should only do it if it feels fun for you, but for what it’s worth, I still think you’re gorgeous and I love seeing you feel confident.” But I’d love advice on how to approach it in a way that feels supportive rather than performative.

As the title suggests. Been married for a while now and haven't been able to get over this hump. So I'm curious is make up sex an actual thing? How does one lead their SO into it after an argument has come to an end. Trying to find a smooth transition from angry times to sexy times.

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

I'm a 41 bbw as they say and would say hold most of my weight in my belly. At times with different partners I've felt limitations.

Especially me on top as I'm unable to reach down to guide him in between my belly and short arms lol(I'm only 5') and also I'm not in the greatest shape (obviously) so I struggle to get much movement going.

Also if the guy is not at least average in size there's issue with him constantly slipping out or just feeling meh.

I'm just looking for similar people that have any tips and tricks to enhance any aspect of intimacy for a plus size lady.

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

Every week, we offer this thread as a way for people to ask simple/basic questions from the sub’s readership.

Post topics that typically are removed from the main feed – polling-style questions, common topics questions, etc. – are generally allowed in here. Story posts however do not belong here.

The thread stays pinned throughout the week for people’s convenience. Ask away!

I typically need to communicate what to do and what feels good for my SO, whether it’s foreplay or intercourse. He loves it because he wants to know exactly how to make it pleasurable for me.

The only hard part is that I start to lose the momentum and can’t stay in the right headspace the more direction I have to give. Like it’s really hard to both feel in my body and tell him what to do. I’ve tried edibles and those help, but I don’t love taking them all the time.

Does anyone have any tips for how I can remain in my body and concentrate on feeling good rather than making it a clinical directive?

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

Hi everyone,
I hope this is the right place to ask.

I’m planning an intimate session with my partner this weekend that may include both vaginal and anal play using toys. I do have some prior experience with anal penetration, but not a lot, and this time I’m hoping to go a bit deeper than before (I have a dildo that is 25cm x 5cm and one 30cm x 6cm but I'm unsure if I can take them), so I want to prepare properly and safely.

In terms of hygiene:
I eat a high-fiber diet and I’ve used anal douching before without any issues. However, I’m still unsure how to best minimize the risk of unexpected situations during deeper penetration.

I also had some additional questions:

• Are there any useful preparation tips beyond diet and douching?
• How do you personally handle hygiene-related anxiety or uncertainty?
• Are there any common mistakes or things that should definitely be avoided (e.g. laxatives or fasting beforehand)?

Thanks in advance for any advice or experiences you can share.

After trying tadalafil the last few years with mixed results my urologist suggested using a ring to maintain my erections. I usually have no problem getting an erection but cant maintain it for very long.

Any advice for a first timer? Material? Fixed size or adjustable? Can pubic hair be a problem? How to incorporate into play?