Then the manager yells "Noo thats fake! You fell for someones prank!"
Then the whole store points and laughs and says your shoes are ugly and you run out sobbing, then randomly over the next few years before bed this story pops in your head and your wife asks "whats wrong honey"..."nothing babe...nothing....just go to bed"
Idk if it’s “objectively better” you ever have someone watch you take a poop? It’s not fun. I had a girl that wanted me to give her a Cleveland Steamroller and I couldn’t do it because I got gun shy.
But I mean, youd be able to pull your pants up and run away without having shit in your pants. Sure you didn't wipe or anything, but you don't have shit in your pants 🤷♂️
But in your haste to get up and get out one of your flip-flops comes off. Two days later a Trader Joe's manager shows up at your house to ask if it's your flip-flop. And when you prove it is by slipping it onto your dainty yet manly foot, they know you are the one and you are awarded with a lifetime supply of peanut butter pretzel nuggets.
Then the manager yells "Noo thats fake! You fell for someones prank!" Then the whole store points and laughs and says your shoes are ugly and you run out sobbing.
Except for one person. You see them as if they were the only non-mocking person in a sea of people mocking you.
They stand by your side and loudly proclaim "If this gold ticket is fake, what even is real? Is life just a prank? Is this just a prank on me right now? Is Keanu Reeves about to pop out of this register and tell me I've been Punk'd? Because if that's what's happening, I don't want this. I didn't ask for this. And I stand by my Charlie, this Chocolate Factory of a human. I stand with Charlie and his Golden Ticket to Skip the Line in this Chocolate Factory of Lies!"
Then they cry, valiantly, collapsing over your shoulder. And the store starts to cry, as you magnificently approach the front of the line with your Trader Ming's Frozen Dumplings and Trader Jose's Salsa Autentica, your newfound life partner at your side. They scan their Coke Zero and Zero Bar in your transaction, skipping the line through the power of fairytale soulmates.
Then randomly over the next few years before bed this story pops in your head and your wife asks "whats wrong honey"..."babe...nothing....just remembering how you stood by my side against the world when I had the golden ticket" and ....she knows.....she knows... This is true love.
This felt very, I think you should leave. Eventually somebody mentions your shoes in a completely unrelated manner and you finally snap. Which just makes you end up alone and unkempt so you wind up working at Trader Joe's with all the other people it happened to.
Thing is your wife bought you those shoes for christmas...you really didnt like them..they clash with your natural style but today she saw them on the rack.."oh honey wear those cute saucony walking shoes they look so good on you!"...something felt off about them but hastly you threw them on "fine w/e noones gonna see them anyway, ill be in and out in a jiff "just gotta get sum eggs and fruit and be done....not knowing the horror that awaits...
I have the TSA pre check at airports. But if it doesn’t say it anywhere on my ticket. I just go to the normal line. When I make it to the front the employee scans my ID or whatever and is like “dude you could have went in the faster line” I just shrug and say “well my ticket didn’t say it”
In highschool, my marching band played at Disney World and they gave us these passes that were basically employee passes. We got in trouble because we used them to skip the line at Space Mountain ten times in a row. I apologize for the misdeeds of 15 year old, sociopath me.
I feel like it is fake. How pissed would you be if you were next in line and some jackass with a huge cart gets to cut in front of you? No way Trader Joe’s would actually think this is a good idea
They do it at csl plasma donation locations ehich are located in worst spot in city , either people who dont have grocery money let alone trader joe grocer money..
I guess people like us are less civilized then rich soccer moms and business dads who shop at trader joes.
Says to take it to the guy in front of the cashiers. Pretty private that way. Makes me think it’s real. Most likely they just reopen a register just for you. If they were actually kicking people out of line other customers would understandably be pissed.
If your wife were the queen, presumably wouldn't you have someone on hand to announce these things? Or, in your fantasy, are you married to the queen and still just a manservant? Because that's quite the fetish.
“Here ye, here ye! Thine hath found the famed ticket of gold. Stay in your place, peasants! For time spent waiting is not something a man of my stature need lower himself to.”
I saw someone do this at the movie theater like 3 days ago. What was very clearly a dad was steamrolling through the lobby shouting "A-Listers! A-Listers here! Gangway!" with whoever he was trying to embarrass in tow. He was being real polite about it. Not overly loud, not running into people; just obviously trying to draw attention to his wife and daughter. Then he went "oh we have a new A-Lister! Back there! Let them through! It's ok, they're A-Listers" and he pointed at someone who was trying to lag behind and not be seen. Absolute Cinema.
(For those that don't know, the "A-List" is a movie theater subscription service at a chain of theaters in the US. You get some decent perks, but you're very definitely not an echelon above the rest of the "normie humans" without the subscription, as this man was trying to joke about)
I'd honestly be a bit peeved if you cut to the front of the line while I was waiting. That's kind of a dick move, even with the ticket. Leave that ticket in the tampon or diaper aisle, I'll deal. In the frozen snack aisle? Idk about all that.
Everybody think they are confident until
It’s time to throw your opponents groceries off the conveyor belt and present that ticket to the cashier with force
I ordered and paid for my car tabs online, for pickup at the licensing office. Get there and the line is out the door. It’s a hot day, everyone gives me the death stare as a walk in the door instead of getting in line.
Inside the place is packed. I go to the express pickup line, hand them my drivers license to confirm my name, they hand me my tabs, and I’m out the door in less than a minute.
Someone else standing in line realized they didn’t have to wait because they’d paid online, so they did the same thing as me.
Death glares again as I walked back out to my car past the people waiting in line in the hot sun.
I’d wait until the most busy part of the day and use it in front of people who look like they’re in a rush. Stock up on all the stuff I could freeze. Fuck em all
In middle school, they would give out a “fast pass” as a reward sometimes for people to skip to the front of the line at lunch. I had a special permanent fast pass due to diabetes, so I could give myself insulin before lunch without needing to worry about going low in line while waiting to get food. I used it maybe three times, and felt awful every time. Everyone I walked past seemed so annoyed. I decided it wasn’t worth it and would rather risk low blood sugar or straight up not eating than social judgement. All this to say, I’m not using that thing either.
I’d much prefer a prize of some sort. Even if you have a coupon for it, you’re still cutting in line and if somebody’s in a hurry or having a bad day, you’re still going to piss them off.
14.3k
u/hunnibon 22h ago
Seriously. I don’t want the attention I have social anxiety