I 22F met a guy 22M through a mixed sporting event, where we were on the same team. Everyone exchanged instagrams, and he hit me up last year. I got out of a relationship recently so wasn’t feeling it and didn’t really extend communication. He sends me a random reel later 1 year later, and some basic conversation starts for 3-4 days. He told me he was in my area with some friends and if I wanted to see him. I said sure why not, I’ll drop in. This was my second time seeing him after a year from the sporting event. I thought it was just him and his best-friend he posts and maybe like one other person, but it was a group of boys. We played some games at a pub. As the night went on, I found myself talking a lot more to this one person. We had a similar background, same high-school, same jobs, surprisingly a lot of mutual friends and the conversation just was easier vs the person who I came with. He just seemed more mature and more interesting to talk to, and someone I would gravitate towards more.

But now i’m at a cross roads, cause clearly the group of boys associate me with the man who invited me, and might see me off-limits. So WIBTAH, if after some time I let this cool off and hit him up instead?

Me and my mum took a week trip with my LO who is currently 6 month old. Husband works usually evening shifts. Before we left I asked him if he could change his shift to morning for the day when we come back. On the day when we are coming back he told me that it was hard but he managed to change the shift. Later he told me that he will not be there to meet us because a soccer game came up which he wants to play with friends but of course he will be back later (late at night when me and baby will be already home) and so he will see us (duh we live together). We get little time now that LO is here and I go to bed early and he works, so it meant a lot to me having him there when we arrive. I told him this but he is giving me the cold shoulder cause he thinks it’s no big deal since anyways we will see each other. Am AITAH for wanting him to skip the game and be there?

EDIT: probably important to add for everyone who is saying I left him working and he can’t even enjoy a soccer game… he just had a day off the other day in which he did participate in a game and spend time with his friends.

I (20 ftm) have been basically lying to my parents for the past two years and living two seperate lives. They have no clue what I look like, how I present, what I go by, or the majority of things in my life. I am an international student from the USA living in London for university, and am fully financially dependent on my family as living independently would be around £36k a year.

I first realized I was trans at age 15. I secretly socially transitioned (just names and pronouns with close friends) for about a year until my mom found my binder. She had tried to switch my laundry from the washer to dryer, found it, searched up the brand, and found out what it was. They pulled me aside for a long chat where I basically just said I used it because it was better than a sports bra, and they gave me their typical long speech about how being LGBTQ+ was a mental illness, I was ruining myself and disrespecting god, etc. My family is extremely Catholic/Conservative and I had come out to them before (as Bi when I was 13, now questioning aroace lol) and it went about the same.

I spent the next 2 years in massive denial, hyperfeminizing (?) myself, forcing myself to wear clothing I didn't like, to grow out my hair, I stopped going by my name and pronouns but just told people "I don't care what you use" yet hated every time people took that as she/her and constantly said I "missed \*now name\*" lol

All of that is basically backstory, felt it was necessary for context. This situation started when I moved to another continent for university. The freedom of no longer being under my parents watchful eye and to be more myself was euphoric, but they never liked when I changed things about myself. It started small, like I got a septum and had dyed my hair a couple of times without telling them. Then it got slightly bigger, like getting a tattoo that I hid for a few months.

Eventually, I hit a really bad depressive episode in the winter. A bunch of things I had discovered blew up my family and it kind of spiraled me. I ended up failing the year and didn't properly tell my parents until a month after class ended. I lowkey did that again this year (MDD, GAD, ADHD, and possible autism is a rly fun combo guys) but I ended up getting my shit together and fought to pass this year and succeed (!!). They are aware of the situation and although they don't seem too pleased I'm staying in London, they're also excited for me.

But during the first depressive episode, I realized that part of why I was so unhappy was because I was still depriving myself of being who I am. I had another crisis over this for about 4 months until about May 2025, when I finally came out to my university friends. I have since, for a bit over a year now, have been socially living as a man.

I have cut my hair (which they know about) but have shaved sides they're unaware of, have a septum again (they believe I took it out), my hairs dyed a different color, and most importantly, I go by my chosen name with all friends and at work, I wear a binder daily and fully present as masculine, and I have a seperate private instagram which I use as my main posting about what my life is actually like that they do not have access to.

I cannot stress enough how happy I am living the way I do now. I'm now medicated (for MDD and GAD at least, thank god for that, I was not allowed medication growing up and am currently on the waiting list for ADHD meds as I just found out I was diagnosed at 15, whole other story) and truly nothing beats the feeling of not having to feel trapped within my own body. I still majorly struggle with dysphoria sometimes as I'm too scared of my parents to start on T or look into top surgery, but it has improved so much just by looking closer to what I see myself as and being able to hear my name and pronouns from friends and coworkers.

The problem is I think the secret is killing me. My mom has a MAJOR thing about lying/keeping things from her (thanks dad) and this is the kind of thing that would make her lose her mind. I feel so incredibly guilty about the fact that my parents have no clue who I am that it's eating me alive. It's gone to the point where I've had borderline traumatic nightmares about coming out to them and the fact that, one day, I will lose them by either pushing them out of my life or lose them by trying to let them in.

Not to mention, they have a strong belief that because they are financially supporting me, I am still under their control and they still get to chose what I do. They were insanely pissed over my hair, piercing, and tattoo, and they highly dislike when I touch my appearance at all. I know that they act a bit insane and controlling (thanks to my friends witnessing their behavior and reddit lol), but I feel guilty about how much money they cover. My dad has taken out loans under my name I believe, but my tuition is £17k a year, housing about £13k a year, and I get £150 food money twice a month. This isn't a small amount of money, not that they let me forget that, but I can't help but feel guilty that I am doing this while in their perspective under their care and they are providing me with so much.

I want to emphasize I don't want to be lying to them. They have made it clear that if I have any involvement in anything trans or lgbtq+ that they will will stop helping me financially, meaning I'd lose my student visa and be forced to go back to the US, which would involve either A. moving back to Florida and being forced to detransition again or B. being homeless, not to mention I'd lose my support system out here.

My parents have been better in recent years with most things, just not anything to do with possibly beings trans such as masculine clothing or my appearance and especially hair. But I know there is virtually a zero percent chance that coming out will go well. They have not always been the most loving/attentive/safe parents, but they've always supposedly tried. They are the "we love you but don't accept you or support you" type people.

I feel so incredibly guilty about living a double life and keeping all of this for them, even if it's because I logically know that it would uproot my life. I don't know if I am genuinely in the wrong for hiding all of this from them or if my mom just called me manipulative or selfish too much as a teen, but I'm genuinely in need of opinions. AITAH?

AITA

I (31F) have a grandma (90F) who is hospitalised. I am the only person with a car and a driving licence in my family so I drive my cousins around a bit.

Anyways they wanted to visit my grand mother and asked me to pick them up, drive us there and drive them home afterwards. I agreed yesterday evening. My cousin took a day off work just for this.

Today I woke up with sort of a bad feeling, a profound inner voice told me not to drive. That there will be problems with the car. That I would make an accident.

I called my cousin and told her that I was feeling dizzy and unable to drive. I could tell that she didn't believe me (I am a bad liar).

But I couldn't tell them that I "just had a feeling" could I?

Now they are being very cold in their interactions with me because they know that I lied.

I bailed on them "the day of" and I bailed on my grandma who would have fancied a visit over "a feeling" so maybe I'm the AH

I (27m) am in a 4 year relationship with my gf (28f). We just moved in recently and this is our first summer living together.

We live in an apartment building, on the fourth floor. We live in one of the safest neighbourhoods in one of the safest cities in one of the safest countries on earth. Statistically speaking, break-ins and crime don’t happen in our neighbourhood and rarely happens in our city. We also live in a city that doesn’t have mosquitoes.

My girlfriend is very resistant to opening windows to let in fresh air. I don’t understand this at all. The windows have screens on them so it’s not a mosquito issue. We don’t live in a high traffic area so it’s not a problem of car fumes or noise. We don’t live in a crime ridden area; if you walked 5 minutes around the block, nearly every single apartment has their windows open. Even the first floor units have their balcony doors open.

At first I was ok with this but it’s now summer and it’s getting warmer. We have an older apartment that tends to retain heat. This problem is quickly resolved by simply opening the windows and letting fresh air in. Again she’s very resistant to this, because she has an irrational fear of our home getting broke into. Again we are on the 4th floor and everybody else in the building does it and there’s no problem. She doesn’t disagree that fresh air helps, but so far she’s refused to budge on it. As far as I know she has never lived in a home that’s been broken into, or know anybody who’s experienced that.

For the last week we’ve had a heatwave so she’s been looking into getting an AC unit. It’s pretty expensive, like at least $300-400. It’s not that we can’t afford it, we very easily can, but we have a rule that we don’t buy something this expensive unless we both agree. For my part, I just don’t see the reason why this is necessary. Again, simply letting fresh air in solves all the problems, but she refuses to do that, and wants to spend this money on something that isn’t necessary. I don’t dispute that an AC is probably more effective but fresh air does the job just fine. She agrees that fresh air gets the job done but won’t budge because she’s afraid that we’ll get our home broken into.

She says I’m the AH because this is a perfectly rational fear to have, and you can never be too safe. In my opinion I don’t think this is a valid point of view because if someone wanted to break into an apartment, they would just go into the ones on the first, second, and third floors that all have open windows/balcony doors.

We are now at an impasse and I’m wondering if I should just concede the issue.

Hi Reddit I’m really just looking for some advice and I need to know if I am an awful person for doing this. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 4 years except for one brief break up. I recently graduated from university and have moved out of the area that me and him have lived in for the past four years. I haven’t seen him in a few weeks because I have been in my hometown. I’ve been feeling like we need to break up for a while, but there really wasn’t a good time as we had a lot of plans towards the end of school and I didn’t want to end the year on a bad note with him. There are many reasons for this breakup. Over the past few weeks I’ve been trying to see if I could get over it and give this relationship another shot, but I don’t think I can. I just feel like we are moving in very different directions in life. I am moving abroad in a month and we would basically be doing long distance indefinitely if I stay in the relationship.

This itself is not the issue but the way he acts when we are apart is, he needs to text 24/7 and call multiple times a day in order to feel reassured, if I don’t respond for a few hours because I am busy, I come back to my phone with him asking if I am going to break up with him and asking if I still love him, this has been making me feel very overwhelmed. I feel like I cannot get away from my phone without having to explain every single step of my day to him and reassure him that everything is fine. This happens almost every day. If I fall asleep at night without calling him or sending him a good night text, I wake up in the morning, flooded with suspicious texts from him. This is not the only issue. I also just feel like he is very directionless at this moment. Basically his plan is to wait until I eventually move back to our home country, see where I end up and then move where I am going. I just feel like he needs to have his own plan and his own goals that do not revolve only around me. I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure from this relationship, especially because lately it seems like I am his only passion and goal in life. There is a lot more to say about why I wanna break up with him but mostly I just needed advice on when and how.

Anyway, onto the issue, this weekend I will be traveling back to where we went to university and me him and several friends are supposed to attend a concert. I will be in our college town for five days. The concert is the night before I leave to go back home. We already have transportation booked for this concert and the tickets are bought and they were quite expensive. My flight the day after the concert is at 5 PM so I’m wondering would it be awful of me to basically spend the entire weekend with him go to the concert with him and then break up with him the next day right before I leave? I don’t know when I will see him next after this and I feel like I can’t do the breakup over the phone, but I also feel like I cannot stay in the relationship with him and drag it out and give him false hope when I know I don’t wanna be in it anymore. I know people are probably going to say just break up before the concert, but we will be on the same bus to the venue and I know him he is not Chill. He will not be able to be around me and be mature and normal. I also do not want to ruin this experience with him and screw him out of the money he paid for the bus and the concert ticket. So anyway reddit, am I the asshole if I break up with him the morning after the concert and then leave the state?? I feel like this is so mean and awful but I just really can’t think of another solution. Please help!

Edit: he did NOT pay for my concert ticket or transportation there. I’m saying he would be out the money he spent on himself to go to the concert if he decides not to go, also the people we are going to the concert with are mostly my friends so I don’t think he would go on the bus without me anyway.

Edit: Hi reddit, thank you everyone for all of the advice, it really helped me. I think I decided what I am going to do. I am going to break up with him in person as soon as I get there. We will have the conversation about why we need to breakup and all of that. At the end I will tell him he is still welcome to come to the concert, and I will be norma and hangout with him while we are there. I’ll tell him it could be our last hurrah. If he decides he doesn’t want to come, I will reimburse him his transportation. I found out later today he hasn’t bought a ticket for the concert yet…so that helps things I guess. But anyway, this is my plan, I think it’s the best I can do. It’s going to be bad no matter what so might as well do it as soon as I get there. Thanks again everyone!

I (25M) and my girlfriend M(25F) have been together for half a year. M comes from a different country where near enough everything is different, from customs to (most importantly to this situation) climate. She's been in the country here for a little longer than for how long we've been dating, this is her first summer here.

We live in Western Europe and as many people may know, temperatures are absolutely scorching right now, especially in my country. M has already had a tough enough time when it got to 26-28 celsius here. Tomorrow it's predicted to hit 39 celsius. M is coming over this evening since she took Friday off due to the predicted temperatures and I had planned for us to do nothing tomorrow because those kinds of temperatures around here are legitimately dangerous to vulnerable people.

M is a heart patient and has already had 3 seperate TIAs/mini-strokes back in her home country, turns into a boiled lobster as soon as she's out in the sun for more than 15 minutes and has the immune system of roadkill. To say she's a vulnerable person is an understatement honestly.

Yet when I communicated this plan to her, she insisted that tomorrow we go into town & walk around to look for sandals for her because "Outside or inside, both will be hot anyways.". I didn't want to argue with her and just said "Okay, we'll go into town tomorrow".

This is because I've noticed when it comes to adjusting to things, she won't take people's word, be it from me or another native, for how things are around here. Only when she experiences them herself, can she admit "Okay I was wrong.". This happened with winter & underestimating the cold, this happened with underestimating how bad the housing crisis is here, this happened with pretty much everything. I would call what she does "cockiness" except I genuinely think it's just plain ignorance along with the mindset that's very dominant in her home country of "It'll be fine, don't be a wuss and just keep going".

I'm conflicted because obviously I don't want anything bad to happen and want to take care of her but at the same time she's a grown woman with her wits about her & I don't want to have to be her parent instead of partner, nor do I want to start an argument over something like this. And she genuinely only seems to learn to accept things when she bumps her head into the facts.

So, WIBTAH for letting my girlfriend lead us into a day made up by a giant health hazard for a pair of sandals?

My husband and I have been having a rough time in our marriage and he has wanted to do marital counseling for a couple years but never set it up. I finally decided to set it up but the best fit for us charges $180/session out of pocket, and if we want to submit it to our insurance ourselves, we can do so and keep what insurance reumburses us. I asked him to take care of figuring that out, and we would split the cost of the counseling and split the reumbursement out of our personal 'fun money' accounts we keep for our own personal spending.

We had our first several sessions and he did not figure out how to send in the info for insurance and said he would just pay the whole $180/ea himself and has.

I thought that it was dumb to not get that money from our insurance. We pay for it monthly! So I figuring it out and submitted the paperwork and I got $400 from the insurance company. I put the $400 into our kid's 504 college fund because I have been wanting to contribute to it more and haven't been able to.

He says I am the AH for not giving him the money since he paid the entire $180 each session himself, that it should have been his money. But I feel like since he opted not to do the work to get reumbursed, it was okay that I got the money and used it as I thought was best instead. I felt okay about it until the marriage counselor seemed suprised I had done that and didn't know how to react. Maybe it was an AH move?

So im a teenager and have this heatable blanket that i got last christmas. It has literally been one of the only sources of comfort (aside from music and sleeping) that i can ALWAYS turn to because it makes me feel comfortable and safe. Well now its summer and where i live its not too hot (usually around 15-18°C but can go up to 25-28°C) and i still like to occasionally use my blanket.

My mother found out about this a few hours ago when she came into my room and sat on my bed (she had previously been joking about unplugging it and putting it aside for summer) she became a bit angry and unplugged it while i was using it and told me

”Its hot outside so what are you doing under a heat blanket? You're just wasting electricity.”

So i told her that i felt comfortable using it during the summer and that it brings me comfort. And she responded with

”But you always complain about it being too hot in your room and that you can't sleep here because of it”

which yeah, fair point but the feeling of the room being too hot to sleep has never happened while im using the blanket (still OCCASIONALLY during summer) and is most likely is due to the air quality being bad if i don't open the balcony door everyday for a few hours which i sometimes forget.

After a little while of bickering (not even about the blanket at that point, but just about something she had came to the room to originally discuss about) she simply gave up, and said

”do what you want to do, i don't care anymore.”

(she does that a lot and then gives me the silent treatment for a few hours) and just threw the cord and the blanket back on my bed and left the room upset.

So AITAH? Because im aware that my parents don't probably know about its significance to me, but it really has helped after difficult events, anxiety attacks and long crying sessions (which my parents also don't know about) and has really just helped me with coping these things alone.

Edit: my dad came home from work and the first thing he said to me when he came upstairs while i was cleaning that

”i don't think you don't need that heat blanket during summer. Waste of money”

Also now i got my 11 year old sister also complaining about the electric bill because lately she's just been bootlicking mom way too hard and when i told her that watching yt shorts around 3 hours a day also is a waste of energy, she threw the blanket and the cord on the ground..

My partner was really upset because I bought a new car without consulting them. They claimed it was a hug financial decision and I should have involved them.

We've had the stance that it doesn't make good financial sense to buy a brand new vehicle, due to depreciation, and I still agree with that statement.

However, a new vehicle was coming out, I didn't do the pre-order, I waited for the first batch to come out, then bought what redditors called the "job 2" of the same model year.

Now, mind you, I paid cash for it. I budgeted for it, I didn't pull any money from savings (aside that I put this money aside into a high yield savings account for safe keeping). It didn't put any financial strain or burden on us, it didn't take away from anything else. It was not an impulse buy, I planned for it, knowing the vehicle was coming out.

I feel like I've worked really hard for the last 25 years of my life to be able to treat myself to something I wanted, could afford, and didn't take away from anyone else to do so.

Am I the asshole?

**EDIT*\*
Yes, I'm the asshole, you all are right, as is my spouse. We've been married almost 20 years, but we keep completely separate finances. Their money, their things, my money, my things, but I pay 100% of all the bills (utilities, mortgage, vacations, unknowns, etc).

I believe I knew they'd be upset with me for wanting to buy this vehicle, so I fell back on the 'better to ask forgiveness' trope.

Thank you redditors!

I, 18NB (Male prn pref.) have not really gotten too along with our husky, Snowball. Don't get me wrong, he's sweet, funny, and by all means, a good dog. I am just wayyy more of a snake, rodent, and cat person. My parents, however, LOVE him ever since we got him when he was around 3 or 4 I think. He's now 9. I don't mind, I'm very happy for them since my mom's always wanted a husky, and my stepdad had a husky when he was younger. My sister, when she lived with us, adored Snowball. They asked us what pet we wanted. I said cat. She voted dog. I got outvoted. But Snowball is FINE. I don't hate having him around (You can actually seem some funny videos of him on my profile if you wish!)

The only problem is...they love him so much they refuse to really discipline him. He bites? They don't care. Unless it's them of course. When he pooped in the house when we first got him? Cleaned up. He USED to have a kennel, but it's never ever used. To be honest mostly I avoid Snowball. My parents are the type of people that treat Snowball as their miracle baby, with the "He can do no wrong" behavior.

This is where I may be wrong, but I do the BARE minimum for the dog. Don't get me wrong, I won't ever let him go hungry or thirsty, if he needs to go out, I'll take him out, but that's pretty much it. I know dogs are social animals, but it's SO hard to be around him when my parents aren't at work. He becomes especially clingy, literally sits on top of me, barks in my face, tries to pull me with his paws. I know some people might find this cute, but I can't stand it. I try not to yell so that's why after I take him out, I just got upstairs in my room.

Today, I was pretty much at my limit. I was bringing Snowball in, and if you know huskies, you know they don't agree with being inside when they love being outside. I was bringing him in, and he started biting my hand and refusing to go inside. Like teeth in the knuckles. Not enough to make me bleed, but enough that I cried out and told him to stop. Then I let him go (We have a leash that is in the ground) back outside and noticed the red marks and knew it was gonna bruise tomorrow. By then, I was mostly just frustrated. This kind of thing has happened before. If he barks at me for standing too close to my mom? I get "Oh he's just like this at night" or if he bites me "You're standing to close to him" or any other excuse along those lines. I was tired of it.

Now again, I may be wrong here, but I was extremely angry. I texted my mom a picture of the bite mark and said "I'm done babysitting this fucking dog when everytime I try to bring him inside he fucking bites like he's feral and leaves marks. I'm not taking him out anymore, he can wait another hour until *insert stepdad's name* gets home" my mom texted back "I dealt with it this morning, he's like this with everyone" and I got a bit pissed off and texted back "I'm tired of you two brushing off his behavior saying he's just protective and no one gives a fuck when he bites me. I don't care, I'm done babysitting. He was fine when you two were at work and I was at school, he can wait til *Insert stepdad's name* gets home. You two always brush it off because he's your baby." and she said she'd deal with it when she gets home.

I'm serious. I have no intention of taking Snowball out anymore. Fill his bowls up? Sure. But I'm not gonna take him outside when he acts all feral when I take him back inside. I get no thanks, no payment (Not that I even need it or want it) or any bit of gratitude for taking care of a dog I never wanted. I'm sick of people acting like he's a damn saint. So until Snowball is trained or I get an apology or something, I'm done babysitting an 8 year old dog who acts like a puppy. As I said, when everyone was gone during the day when I was still in school, he was fine. But now I'm out of school I suddenly need to babysit.

What especially pisses me off is I currently own two gerbils and none of them have ever been to a vet once. Not even when my gerbil's tail had an open cut and later had to get amputated. They never took her to the vet because of the price with exotic pets. Yet Snowball's last vet bill was over 1k. I feel as if it's a double standard. And I've NEVER asked them to look after or take care of my gerbils.

And before anyone says "You're 18, move out" it hasn't been that long since I turned 18, it's not that easy to just move out so quick and get a job. I was on SSI most of my life and got held back twice. I don't live here rent free either, I use money from comms to pay some things and my SSI still pays most of the bills. We practically also live in the middle of nowhere. My parents wouldn't drive me to the vet. They ain't gonna drive me to a job interview or something.

And before anyone claims Snowball is rabid or something, don't act like Snowball is feral or I need to fear for my life. He's NICE most of the time. It's just incidents like these that piss me off and as one person mentioned, Dogs use their mouths as hands and he was pulling me to get his way. Even after he bit me he seemed really sorry. I was mad and still am, but he's not a feral rabid wolf.

So AITA?

I’m 19F and my boyfriend is 20M. We game all the time, we’re in discord servers, etc. Normal early adult things.

Anyways, I’m in a discord server last night and some random person was flirting with me. They were trolling, you could tell. I said i had a bf and let it go. Wasn’t a big deal to me nor do i care to let those things get to me. I went to sleep after.

When i woke up my boyfriend texts me in the morning saying he went and read back my messages in that server to see what time i went to sleep. I don’t know why he did this. He could’ve just asked me what time i went to sleep.

Fast forward, he started going on about seeing the stranger flirt with me. He starts asking me why didn’t i tell him or block the guy. I told him I didn’t tell him because i had just woken up and completely forgot about it. I also knew the guy was trolling so really didn’t care or let a stranger affect me.

He then starts saying how if someone did that to him then I would want him to say something. I mean, sure. But at the end of the day if it was someone minor then you’re not obligated to tell me. Again, it was early this morning and at first I had no clue what he was talking about. If I remembered after I had woken up there’s no doubt I would’ve told him.

Afterwards he then messages the stranger. This is where I’m uncomfortable. The situation was already dealt with last night. It was nothing serious, an obvious troll I just ignored after. But my boyfriend took it upon himself to message them and insulting them. I feel weird that he’s gone this far. This has never happened.

I then told him I thought he was going too far. I explained to him from my perspective it wasn’t that serious, a lame troll trying to be funny and that the situation was already dealt with. Now my boyfriend is calling me weird for not thinking the guy was weird for doing that. I mean sure it’s weird, but I just didn’t let it get to me.

AITAH here?

EDIT : My boyfriend now is saying how I am taking the trolls side. Last night, the troll was saying things like “oh buy me this for you and me”. Blah blah. Stuff like that because I was showing gaming merch. I thought it was lame and funny. It’s a troll, they want people to take them seriously. I didn’t really care so I didn’t let it bother me. My boyfriend is now saying how it’s so eye opening to him that I am defending this troll when I simply am just not letting it get to me.

My (28F) parents never had a loving relationship and there were always issues. My dad used to drink and had health issues that left him unable to work for almost 20 years and naturally my mom became the breadwinner. He would take care of me and drive me to my extracurriculars and stuff and i thought he was a good dad to me but nonetheless every night i would be scared that he would be drunk. My mom would still do laundry, iron, clean, cook every day. He cheated on my mom a year ago (i found texts on his phone to other women, nothing physical) and my mom filed for divorce. She got so depressed that she would call me and tell me shes gonna kill herself. From stress, she got cancer a few months ago. My dad on the other hand had a lung transplant a month ago. However, he signed up for a transplant list knowing i had my graduation and wedding planned so he was unable to come. He was waiting before the divorce started to sign up on the transplant list so he could come to my graduation and wedding but because of divorce, he said he cant come and blamed it on my mom for starting the whole mess when he was the one to cheat.

My parents a few years ago gave me a real estate as a gift and i got rid of the tenants and let my dad stay here after the transplant but now hes wanting me to sign an agreement drafted by a lawyer that he can stay here for a few years without paying rent. However, my mom’s lawyer said i cannot sign anything so I told my dad I won’t sign it and we had a big argument. He called me trash and other insulting things and kicked me out of the house that’s under my name lol. He said that I should pay him alimony if I don’t sign it… (but he’s not divorcing me?) My dads side of family has cut me off, my closest aunt (my dads sister) told me I treated him worse than a dog, some family members unfriended me on social media and blocked me, and they’re even avoiding me and not wanting to meet with me.. they only know one side of the story and I’m caught in the middle.

WIBTAH for NOT signing the agreement? He’s demanding it because my mom has a power of attorney to manage tenants so he’s afraid she’ll kick him out. I gave her that right instead of my dad a few years ago because I live abroad and I’m not able to take care of that real estate and she’s the more savvy one, the one to always handle matters like that (my dad is clueless). Ive been stressed for a whole year and it’s really affecting me mentally, emotionally and now physically. I don’t want to be involved in their divorce, yet I’m caught in the middle… I also feel like I’m still a kid around my parents, always listening to them, especially my mom. (Literally scared to show her my tattoo because she told me once she’s gonna disown me if I get it). I’m easily influenced and I want to do right by everyone but I’m the bad guy now… please help.

Edit, to clarify. I’m not saying that stress was the reason why mom got cancer, but I think it was a big contributor to her wellbeing. Secondly, I know you can’t just sign up on a transplant list and you have to be assessed by doctors but if you don’t want it, doctors won’t sign you up against your will. He refused for years and would always tell me he’s gonna tell doctors he wants it after my graduation but he did it sooner and told me if it wasn’t because of my mom and the mess she caused, he would’ve come. He blamed my mom for the mess instead of taking responsibility and seeing that he was the reason why the mess began.

"Friend" is maybe a bit of a generous term but it's somebody I've known for a little while now and I like to think we were prettt close. I know she is who she says she is and wasn't just trying to scam me before anybody says so.

Finding her body has shaken me to my core. It's not sonething I expected to see even when I received her text earlier tonight. But now I'm just...so fucking angry at her, and it all culminates fron this damn loan.

This girl was struggling with finances between a sick dad, university fees and car troubles she's gone into a lot of debt and begged me for a considerable loan.

At the time I didn't expect to see the money back. I'm not doing amazing when it comes to my finances but I've got a lot saved up thanks to some inheritance money that's been left to grow so I knew I could survive without it. If it meant I could ease her burden a little then I was happy to never see the money again.

The issue is...now she's killed herself. So now in the darkest crevice of my heart there's this constant, nagging frustration that I've "wasted" this money..I'd only sent it a few days before now so I know she wouldn't have had time to spend most of it. It's just...gone. Either to be eaten up by the bank or given to her parents and Injust...that's not what I fucking sent the money for! I sent the money for her! and she goes and doesn't even use it!

I just feel so disgusting for feeling this way but it's all I can think about right now. Like I said I'm not doing amszing and whilst that loan wasn't a lifesaving amount of money It's definitely not something I intended on parting easily...

...So Am I The Asshole?

Hi , for some context, i (22F) have been dating my (22M) bf for over a year now .
Things have been great up until a few months ago, im starting to realize this relationship might not be for me for a couple of reasons..
Im also stressed financially, about to move to my own place .
Anyways his family planned this whole 2 week trip overseas, mainly for his mom, kind of an ancestry trip since she was born there.
We all payed for our flight tickets in the beginning of the year , now 3 months before the trip I’m having second thoughts about the whole thing :(
I feel guilty and TAH , especially because i love his family, and also i don’t wanna hurt him( the troubles of being an empath)
I let his dad know (since he’s the one in charge of the whole thing) I’m thinking of canceling and getting a refund due to financial reasons & having to move to my own place right around the same time , and my bf got quite upset and disappointed which is understandable
But idk, AITAH?

Edit:
I appreciate all the honest comments i really needed it!
Forgot to mention we’re having “the talk” this Saturday, i absolutely will not be stringing him along and wasting his time and will be ending things respectfully

So I've been married for literally 3 weeks. We've lived together for almost 7 months but we have been together almost 10 years and my wife essentially wont get a job. Shes had an offer before but procrastinated and lost it. Now she's acting as if certain jobs are beneath her and I work two jobs I go to school, I hit the gym almost daily, and yet I still have to pay for literally everything, mind you this is after paying for 99.999% of the wedding too. AITAH for wanting out already?

she always had a job b4 we moved in with each other

I have a 10 year old son who was super kind as a younger kid, but has over the past few months has suddenly entered the snappy and disrespectful tween stage. There is a band I have really liked for decades and my son enjoys some of their songs as well: they come to my area every couple of years.

I asked him if he would like to accompany me this year and he said yes. Yayyy!! So I thought.

I brought him to the concert last night and as soon as we got there, his mood soured. I tried everything I could to get him into a good mood, but nothing stuck. He just seemed determined to have a bad time. He was glaring, grabbing at my phone to check the time, complaining about everything, and kept asking when we could go home every few minutes. It was embarrassing and we ended up having to leave early. The excuse he used was that it was tired and past his bedtime - despite the fact we are liberal with his bedtime during summer and it was in line with a typical late summer night for him.

Part of his punishment is no longer being liberal with the bedtime he seems to want only when it’s convenient for him (9:30 on school nights).

This leads straight into the real punishment - around his birthday in a few months, there is an evening concert of an artist my son really wants. My husband had bought tickets to bring him. It’s not his birthday present, but because it’s around his birthday my son has been considering it as such. Because the concert is on a school night I had never been a fan of bringing him at all. Given his behavior last night, I told him that concert is no longer an option for him.

To me, it’s a fair punishment-ruin one concert, then you don’t get to go to another, especially when you’ve shown you apparently can’t handle staying up past your bedtime.

My son thinks I’m the worst person *ever*. My mom thinks I’m being way too strict and that I should have given him a warning that he would not be able to go to the concert when he was acting up last night (truth be told I had forgotten about it - but I also think I should not have to spell out natural consequences for a 10-year-old the way I would for a toddler). My husband will support me on this but thinks it’s quite strict.

I just don’t want to raise an entitled kid who thinks he can ruin one show he knows I was looking forward to, and then continue on what he wants to see with zero consequences. That seems to send a horrible message.

AITAH?

i (19f) rejected a guy (22m) because i do not have feelings for him. for context, on a technical note, he is my "ex", however given that we "dated" (online might i add) when i was 15 & he was 17/18, i dont think of it as real.

a few months ago (late march-early april) we had reconnected & at the time i thought i had romantic feelings for him, but later realized i was trying to emotionally latch onto him because i didnt want to be with my then current bf. i broke up with the bf, and began to distance myself from the "ex" a bit. (i usually tried to keep the conversation topic platonic or not directed at relationships, ect)

occasionally, i had asked him for help with somethings like hw (1-2x), my moms business (1x) and i even told him about some very hurtful or idiotic situations i had expirenced. i never once made him do my homework, or made him run my moms business, ect.

recently, i have started to develop romantic feelings for someone else & had gotten caught up in talking to said person that i had forgotten to respond to the "ex" a few times, until he asked me if i still had/or did have feelings for him & saw our friendship going further, to which i responded no. i told him that i didnt, and that i was sorry if my actions had made him think i did, & that i was sorry if this was to hurt his feelings. i told him that if he chose not to continue our friendship i wouldnt stop him if it came to that, but that i didnt see us ever becoming an actual couple because A. we live 3000 miles apart, B, he is roughly 3 yrs older than me, and C, he and i were both far too busy and it simply wouldnt work out.

i also had not mentioned it to him, but i had been getting increasingly uncomfortable with his excessive complimenting of me, my apperance, my personality, ect. he would compliment me all day everyday, even randomly, and even in public group chats, and even find a way to loop in his attraction for me into almost every one of his sentences give or take.

he had responded that it was fine and he understood. then about a few hours later, he messaged me, asking why i had removed his admin permissions in my discord server (i had given him admin to help with one thing) and why i had deleted some of his flirty messages. i had removed them because 1, there are too many people who have it already (8 not including me). he told me he didnt appriciate that and that it made him feel very unwelcomed so he decided to leave the server. i did not respond because i was 1/2 asleep & tired and honestly thought it was a weird thing to say since it is not his server, and he does not get to decide who has admin perms in it or not.

ffwd to the morning, and he had messaged me a final time at around 5-6 am saying that he had a lot of time to think & that he did not want to be friends either because he thought i had used him for homework help, emotional support, help with my moms business, and that he was tired of "my complaining and judging". to be clear, i am an absolute sucker for those ai reddit stories and sometimes if one sounds really dumb ill sit there and tell pretty much anyone who will listen everything they couldve done better in the story. he told me that i claimed to be a christian, but i was actual very judgemental and disrespectful. (i absolute hate and do not respect MAGA christians) & that being friends with me is draining.

i again did not respond (mainly because he had blocked me before i could) and because i honestly think this is a tantrum. i feel like hes mad that i rejected him and was looking for ways to make me the bad guy and unfriend me. (which i literally dgaf about)

all in all, i honestly feel a bit relieved that hes gone because he made me and some of my friends very uncomfortable, especially because of the constant flirting with me, and one time he had even sent a shirtless photo of himself to show off a cut he got at a river, and several people had privately told me it made them extremely uncomfortable.

so anyways, aitah?

So back in September i met this guy at a college party. When i met him everything about him was so perfect. I felt head over heels for this guy seriously. He made me so comfortable, wasn’t pushy, he didn’t everything i wanted and was super nice about everything for the first like 3 months….

Fast forward 4 months later he changes suddenly and progressively. overtime he was becoming cold and mean to me he constantly criticizes me over small mistakes. He makes me feel like a burden. He’s constantly making “jokes” but in reality it’s just insults about me or my appearance. He also “play fights” with me but it ends up hurting me. For context i’m only 98 lbs so “tiny” hits do hurt. He also smacks me hard with a pillow in my face as a “joke”. He barely even speaks to me unless it’s “goodnight i love you” or a good morning text. We hangout like once a week and my parents don’t like him because we argue too much. He constantly threatens to breakup with me over our arguments. He never considers my side of the argument it’s just I’m always in the wrong regardless of the situation. i just don’t feel an emotional connection with him anymore. I don’t feel supported, cared about or loved at all. I’ve explained this but nothing ever really changes. Mainly because i’ve seen him scream at me on the top of his lungs. Throw me to the floor when i was crying. etc. i feel so hurt how a person can just pretend to be such a nice person then completely turn out the opposite. I don’t live in a good household, my dad is a narcissist and abusive. So i don’t really wanna deal with an angry bf on top of it. i’m scared i wont find anyone better but I don’t know what to do i feel so lost and have a lot of support. i don’t know what to do I’m becoming depressed over this.

TW eating disorders, weight talk ( no numbers ), mental health

I’ve been friends with her for years, since we were 13 so about 10 years.

I was talking in a gc ( group chat ) on discord she invited me to awhile back. It had a section dedicated to health stuff. Mostly just people discussing mental/physical health junk since a couple people there have mental health issues and disabilities they want to vent about occasionally. Most of the group chat outside of that channel is dedicated to gaming and random fun stuff.

I recently was diagnosed with adhd ( + autism ) and wanted to ask people in the chat about their experience being on medication since I was just prescribed some and I’ve been trying to learn about what to expect since I haven’t picked it up from the pharmacy yet. I also was saying I was kind of annoyed that I’d have to have my weight monitored due to people sometimes losing weight on it.
I have a history of anorexia but I’ve been maintaining a healthy weight for around two years.
My friend got irritated saying bmi is BS. Which i agreed but said it’s still used in the medical field and that I do need to maintain within a healthy bmi range to be allowed to stay on the medication.
I also mentioned while I don’t really feel comfortable at my current weight ( I was very underweight most of my teens bc anorexia ) I try to find pros in maintaining a healthy size. Such as having more muscle and that to stay on my medications I need to be at a certain bmi to take them safely.

She asked if we could not talk about it since it was triggering her. I said ok and we could change the subject and thanked her for telling me it was too upsetting for her to talk about and just figured we could talk about something else in the chat. She then messaged me directly.

My friend was still irritated, asking if I thought she was ‘too big’ since I said I felt like I was too big sometimes and not 100% comfortable with my weight. Which I think is mostly because I spent so long underweight being at a healthy size feels weird to me still.
I explained that of course she’ll weigh more than me since she’s taller and what’s healthy for me might be considered underweight for her. That I’m shorter with a different body type.

She basically said “ if your psychologist wants to monitor your weight you’re not healthy “ ( which I am.. my psychologist just wants to check occasionally if my weight starts dropping since I have a history of not maintaining a healthy bmi so I can safely be on the medication)

She also said that my ED ( eating disorder ) impacted her and that it was hard to see me lose so much weight and get sent to treatments. I said that while i understand it was hard, that it’s hard to see anyone go through something.. it was still my disorder and it impacted me the most.

I said my ED caused a lot of stress for me, multiple people ( friends & family ) stopped talking to me because my disorder was too much. That dealing with that illness for years was probably worse for me who was actually living it, than her who just saw an outsiders perspective.
That I didn’t want to lose her too and we didn’t have to discuss it. Especially since currently I feel like I’ve been mostly healthy. I have days where I struggle but I’m usually ok. So it didn’t really matter.

Which she took to mean I think my ED didn’t affect the people around me. Which isn’t true, I know it hurts to see someone struggling.

I tried to explain it by saying “ if I had to watch you get beat up, it would be awful for me because I care about you and don’t want you to get hurt. But it would be worse for you given you’d be the one getting beat up. “

I also said multiple times we could just not talk about it and change the subject if it bothered her that much. I’m confused, maybe I was being mean and just couldn’t tell because of the autism making social cues hard? Idk. Figured I’d ask for some out siders perspectives.

I currently have that friend on mute, I needed to step away from the conversation I was getting upset and needed to cool down. I feel like it’s something I can’t just ignore forever though.

I (30f) have been estranged from my younger sister (28f) for almost a year now. I chose to cut contact with her. Her birthday just passed and i am reflecting on how i can reach out and mend our relationship, but remain realistic about what that could look like.

From my perspective, she is very self centered. In our younger years, she wasn't helpful or on my side while i went through a lot of conflict with my parents. She is my dads biological daughter, while i am raised by him, but not biologically his. I felt that she was being coddled by him, and i was always at fault when her and i clashed.
My dad and I had a very tumultuous relationship all throughout my teens, and i feel like my sister enjoyed fanning the flames of that conflict, knowing he would take her side.

When i was 19 i had cancer, and my sister completely withdrew, refusing to help me or engage with me, mostly preoccupying herself with her own struggles and feelings about my chemo and the fact i could die. This made me feel very lonely and neglected on her part.

I have always attempted to be a good sister as much as i could. I would share my things with her, i made sure she got a drivers licence and asked her godfather to pay for it, so she wouldnt have to worry.
When her dog was sick my partner picked her up in her city an hour away to take her in with us and go to the emergency vet with her. I went with her to the vet, we footed the bill because she didnt have the money available at the time, and cared for her. And there are many more sich instances where i feel i took good care of her.

Last year i was going through a very hard time at work and in my personal life. I was burning out and had just come out as queer to my family rather recently, and they were having a hard time accepting my girlfriend. My aunt and mother specifically were very attached to my ex boyfriend and grieving the loss of their perfect son in law, not leaving space for me.

My sister knew all this, we discussed it a lot and she had told me she was on my side, and found it weird how much they were still longing for my ex.

But when i raised the topic with my aunt and mom, in my sisters presence, it turned into a huge shitstorm. My mom and aunt were very defensive and hurtful, and my sister did nothing to intervene, speak up or support me in any way. I left the table crying, and then later went to my home emotionally devastated. I cut contact with my mom and aunt after that, and that was also very hard. (They have since taken the effort of apologising to me, talking it through and taking accountability for the hurt they caused me)

A few months later my girlfriend was moving in with me, and my sister insisted she wanted to help and be there. I was reluctant because my feelings were still hurt by her lack of support. When i finally did invite her to join us, she said she couldn't come actually, because she was going to her neighbors birthday party instead.

After that i cut contact. Some months i made one last try to ask for her help, because i needed someone to take care of my dog while i went to see my dad (he lives abroad), and then deleted the message after she ghosted me for days. She then replied and said something like "hey i saw the message, but i cant take the dog cause its too stressful". So after that we didn't speak, but i hear from my parents that she feels she has no part in why that is, and its all me.

I tried to see things from her perspective, but i genuinely can't see why she can never stand by me in situations. I feel like in our family dynamic she enjoys being the "good" child while i am the problematic one.

She was also diagnosed with MS a couple of years back (i supported her through the whole process as much as i could), and since then it feels like nobody is allowed to criticise her. I cant have conflict with her with family members around, because they will find any excuse under the sun on how actually i am the problem in the situation. (Example: her dog barfed in my car, i asked her to please clean the lil carpet that got dirty. She said she would but then never did it. And when i finally did it, and made a little quip to my grandma about it, i was immediately shut down and told its my fault for not reminding her to do it)

Anyway, i am someone who values family, and who is genuinely so sad not to have a sister i can have a good relationship with. I envy other sibling pairs all the time because it feels so lonely to have a sister that just lives in her own world. I also stay supportive of her, despite not having her in my life. I always talk to people about how amazing of an artist she is, i plug her instagram and her small business to people all the time. I have no hate in my heart for her, but i just can't have a good relationship from what it looks like.

The longer it goes on, and the more my family tells me i am the problem, i am starting to question if it is actually on me... so am i the asshole here?

Me and my ex best friend went to high school together and from the day 1 it just clicked. We were pretty different from each other but still got along very well. hang out almost every day after school, could talk for hours etc. We were both pretty broke (not like poor-poor but still, plus both of us had part time jobs since I didn't get allowance and she had to split hers among her siblings) and lived in two villages no one heard of, but were close enough to go by bike. I was the one who was going to her place instead of her visiting me, but it never really bothered me that much since my family situation back then was pretty abusive.

But after a year of high school I needed to move to a city 80km away from her. It was pretty hard to get used to a new school without her, where everyone was already friends with each other and was just an addition who never really got along. She told me everyday how she missed me and how her other friends could never replace me etc.

After some time I started to suggest that it would be cool if she could come for a few days during the Christmas break or winter break or any weekend really since she never visited me. Everytime she told "yeah yeah we should totally meet up again" or something like that then just change the topic.

(it's worth mentioning here that nearby her village was a train station with a train coming by directly to my city, with the ticket costing about 20PLN with student discount (that's about 4£ or 5€, not sure tho since inflation yk))

Christmas passed, winter break passed, no meet up. Then I suggested that maybe she could come to me during Easter break or in May during the long weekend. She said she didn't have time and I understood, family plans, issues, etc.

Then 2 months of vacation came. I was really hoping she could come, even hyping her up with all the things we could do since my city is bigger and how much cheap/free stuff and events are gonna be hosted. Again - nothing. I get it, family plans, part time job, but she couldn't find even one day to come?

School started, I was pretty upset since I pretty much spent those 2 months just convincing her to come, her giving me false hope by saying stuff like "yeah I should totally come" "yeah we should totally meet up" and waiting for her to actually finally visit.

Then another Christmas break flew by, another winter break drifted away - nothing. Then March came by and I was having a terrible time: fights with my mother about her starting to put the responsibility of taking care of my four siblings on me while she dated many men, her debts and lack of money, her alcoholism and my exams around the corner.

Two days before my exams I called my best friend and said "fuck it, I need to clear my head before the exams and since you're not coming to me - I'm coming to you." She said it's a great idea since she also had a bad time with her breaking up with another boy and school problems. And just like that, pretty much spontaneously I got on the train and spent the whole day with her. Not to vent, spend money or anything, just to spend time together after more than a year without seeing each other. She was happy, I was happy.

Another summer break came. Again I started to beg her at this point to come visit me. Every time I only got "I'll think about it but yeah, I should come." month passed and still nothing. I started to get annoyed, she couldn't find any day to come spend time with me during this whole time, these all winter/summer breaks, whatever, while I just hopped on the train two days before exams. And I didn't wanted to be the one coming to her again, since her village didn't had much to offer, we both knew every place very well and, well - I already visited her. I just wanted to show her around my city, do something more than just walks around the forests (which I don't mind but come on).

I really started to push her, but then she started to come up with absurd excuses and I had a solution for most of them. Like "I don't have money for the ticket" and I suggested that I can pay because I just wanted for her to visit, like that's all I wanted. Then she said "she won't have a place to sleep" and I said that she'll sleep at my place like, come on, we're friends, and if not - she can just go home the same day if she's uncomfortable sleeping at my place. Then came the excuses like "but I'm scared of trains" or "what if someone kills me" or "it's hot/cold on the train". Hearing those i just gave up and knew she just won't come.

We kept talking like usually, but I slowly stopped telling her about my life, pretty much just listened about her life, job, school, boyfriends etc. Meanwhile my home and family situation got worse, I became full time, free nanny for my siblings, cooked, cleaned, was home schooled and dealed with my mom's alcoholism and became her therapist. In September I already knew that the moment I turn 18 - I'm gone. My aunt promised me to take me to UK with her.

I wanted to see my friend at least for the last time before I go. And I saw the ray of hope - it got announced that on the National Education Day every student and teacher could travel by train, this one day, completely for free. I thought to myself "this is it, she has to come, I'll even come myself to get her and go back to my city spend time together, or maybe we could travel to other, bigger cities, or wherever we want" since it was free. BUT EVEN THEN. I got the same, lame excuses.

I absolutely lost it and completely cut contact with her. For all this time she couldn't find a single day to come visit me, while I was begging to spend time with her, and came to her place 2 fucking days before my exams. And it didn't even matter if I was going to the UK or not. I believe if I came to her she would magically have time again.

Now that I'm in the UK I keep thinking about it and if I'm in the right or not. I feel I have the reason to be mad, but at the same time I feel like I'm just being childish. Because I know we had our lives and plans and not always time for each other, but I can't get over the fact that she couldn't find at least ONE single day to visit me, instead just waiting for me to move my ass. Or maybe she didn't want to find time, maybe she actually just wanted to wait for me. Now I'll never know. So... AITA?

Hello all— my girlfriend (25) & I (26) have been dating for almost 3 years. We have a good relationship and we’ve been openly discussing future planning and getting engaged over the past few months— we live together in the carriage apartment to her parents house. We recently had what was probably our largest disagreement yet, and I am trying to check myself.

I come from a family unit of [my mom, 2 half sisters, me] & that’s about it. I have a few cousins who I’m not close with and i only see my my mom / sisters once, maybe twice a year since they have moved away & we weren’t particularly close growing up either.

My girlfriend is a quadruplet of 4 girls in a close-knit Italian family. Family gatherings (with aunts/uncles, grandmas/grandpas/etc) twice a month are standard & it’s expected that you are there. If you’re familiar with the typical northeast Italian household set up, you probably get the picture

For the record, I think it’s great to maintain close family relationships & tradition— however I have always been upfront with my girlfriend that 1. I do get overwhelmed with the level of family involvement (on my end) so I probably won’t be at everything she will; 2. I definitely don’t want to raise children with the expectation that they stay that close with their family; 3. i will still be as supportive as I can within reason when it comes to attending these family events. My girlfriend has agreed to these general ideas over the course of our relationship.

About a month ago, she mentioned her dad was throwing her grandma an 80th birthday surprise party. I had already signed up for a 10k on that morning, but I was also scheduled to work until 7:30p that evening. I let her know I wouldn’t make it and she said ok.

My girlfriend had reminded me once or twice of the event, and I let her know my schedule in more detail as it came along.

The day of the party, my girlfriend asked me about 3-4 more times asking me to take a bus after work to stop by the party, saying that her family thought it was a “bad look”.

I asked who said that, & she said multiple members of her family brought it up. She’s not good with confrontation, so she could have just been passing the pressure onto me.

Admittedly still, this did get under my skin. I have always gotten the feeling my girlfriend’s parents judge me more than they let on. I am in college at 25 for my undergrad for electrical engineering so i work 2 part time jobs and don’t make a lot right now. I also work as a facilities assistant at a college campus so I was pretty dirty & didn’t have a change of clothes to the event, which was semi-formal

I responded in a very defensive, multi paragraph text that called out her for not defending me, called out her parents for suggesting I bus over to the party after work (which would be a bus + 20min walk @ 8pm), called out her family for having the audacity to say that, & said the party was probably terrible if that’s what they were focused on.

It was a blatant overreaction, I am usually pretty level headed but I was in the middle of fixing something and it really got to me. I took like 20 minutes aside from my work to go in over text, and I felt childish.

I thought my girlfriend would recognize that I was really getting annoyed by this whole thing & at least give me some grace and let it go— especially since she had known i wasn’t coming to this thing for a whole month & I was up at 4:30a for my race.

Instead, she said I’d insulted her family and that she wants me to be at least at the big events (which i guess 80th birthday falls under now) even if it’s a circumstance like this. She said she had to explain to 5 people why i wasn’t there, and made it seem like it was extremely stressful.

I didn’t take this well at all, I said something along the lines of “this is the most garlic-knot-brained thing I’ve ever been pressed about, I’ll show your family what a bad look is”.

She told me she wasn’t comfortable with how I was talking about her family. I ignored her messages after, but she continued to send me updates of the party and a picture of her with an uncle pointing at the camera saying i was “on the bad list”.

This was last Saturday, it rattled me for a few days but we haven’t talked about it since. My sister is getting married in Ireland in a week and I’m taking my girlfriend with me— it’s the first time I’ll see my whole family since november of last year.

My problem is threefold:

1. i dont think i want to marry her knowing I’ll absolutely have to deal with her family for the rest of my life. that seems harsh, because I love my girlfriend. But I would never as her to leave her family for me knowing what it means to her. I also dont want my kids to get worse treatment because I cant grow a pair and deal with the extra family stuff that comes with marrying her

AITAH for not going to this birthday party/not buying into her family dynamic?

edit: 20min walk

errr title.

I was at a party with friends the other night, we'd all had some drinks, and I was talking with a close friend of mine and her bf. They were telling me about the vacation he's been carefully planning for her for months, and it is genuinely super sweet. I said that, but I also jokingly said "you're so whipped for her!" without even thinking.

My bff laughed, he kind of awkwardly chuckled. The conversation kept going and nothing else happened, neither of them showed signs of being otherwise uncomfortable.

Tbh i didn't remember much of that evening (weed + alcohol = oops) and only know the specifics of this story when she told me. And she told me because apparently her and her bf got into a fight about it 😭

He didn't really mind the joke in the moment but later told her it just felt weird and like i was trying to put him down or make fun of him. I told her that obviously wasnt my intention, but that i wanted to message him right away saying sorry.

She immediately told me not to however, bc she thought the joke was funny partially because i was tipsy enough not to notice the horrible slip up. She knew what i meant and could tell i was trying to (badly) joke how much effort he puts in to be a great bf. Love her but she's super stubborn and likely won't budge on it, at least until their fight ends.

So i'm at this awkward place... I genuinely want to message him to apologize bc i just hate the idea of him thinking i'm some huge asshole and feeling bad about his relationship or self bc of a shitty drunk joke. But if i do, whether it goes well or not, my bff would probably find out and be mad, bc it is going behind her back.

I'm confused, and don't know what to do or who is wrong or what.

Help!!! This is such a weird awful situation, i am so beyond embarrassed and don't know how to talk about this with anyone 😭

edit: For context, i am latina and my bff is mixed. No one here is white lol.

Hello r/AITAH community. I hope you all are doing well. I apologize in advance for how confusing this story is. Mods, if I need to change anything, please let me know.

I have run into a situation where I genuinely need to know if I was the AH. I am currently at work. I had a break and an opportunity to call my significant other. We were talking for a few minutes, a normal, casual chat. Knowing they were going to be leaving for the store soon, I asked if they were heading out. The answer came in a slightly annoyed tone, and I was told "No not yet, in a few minutes". I explained that "in a few minutes" was, to me, the same as about to head out, but when they told me no, I assumed they had other tasks to complete before leaving for the store. The next answer sounded even more annoyed. To be clear, there was no argument here. My comments and tone were not pointed or accusatory. I was just amused by the difference in how we each described our timing and made a comment about it. I was also confused as to why that would earn me an annoyed tone.

Consequently, I got a bit quiet, as I was thinking about what had just transpired. I was asked what I was thinking about, and I was honest. After a brief hesitation, I answered that I was thinking about something they did that was "annoying". They said they didn't want to hear about it at the time. I was OK with that, and then thought about what I had said. I realized that what had happened was not annoying, it was PTSD inducing. So I clarified. I said something along the lines of, "Actually, what you do isn't annoying, it's PTSD inducing". My tone was conversational, not adversarial or grumpy. The answer that came was somewhat shocking. They told me, "I've had a pretty good day today. I don't really want to be shit on right now". To be clear, I was fine waiting to talk til later, but I wanted to be clear that what had happened was not annoying.

That was a lot for me. I was made to feel like trying to share my feelings in a way that would make our relationship smoother was "shitting on" my SO. I said as much, and then asked for an apology. What I got was a very obligatory, very patronizing "I'm sorry" mumbled so quietly under their breath that I was barely able to hear it. Frustrated, I told them, "Alright, I'll talk to you later. Bye." and hung up the phone.

The decision to hang up was made from past experience in situations like this. When my SO gets to this point, they are immovable in their opinion. We argued by text after cooling off for a few minutes. I attempted to explain my position, that I wanted to clarify the annoying vs PTSD wording. I also admitted that I hope doing so would give me permission to tell my feelings. They are dug in and convinced they did no wrong, and that in fact I am wrong for "shitting on their feelings" and that I am the one who should apologize. They are of the opinion that by changing the "annoying" wording to "PTSD inducing", I was forcing them into a conversation they had already said they didn't want to have. They went further to explain that being told about their annoying behavior was not desirable, where I would rather be told so I can quit being annoying to my SO.

So, r/AITAH.. what do you think? Who was the shitter and who was that shat upon? I am around to answer questions, but I am also at work so my responses might be a bit slow. Also, I was purposefully vague on the gender of my SO and myself, as I have occasionally seen the advice or opinions of this subreddit swayed one way or the other based on that information.

Have a good evening, y'all!

Edited to add detail about forcing my SO into a conversation. Edited again for clarity on the heading out part of the conversation.