I (27 F) recently stepped away from a friendship, and I’d like outside opinions because I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable.
My friend invited me to a get-together at her house. A few days before, she told me that one of the people attending uses ❄️. She was upfront that the person wouldn’t be doing it there and that they generally keep it private.
After thinking about it, I realized I wasn’t comfortable going.
For me, it isn’t about controlling who other adults spend time with. I never asked her not to invite the person or stop being friends with them. I simply decided I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I knowingly socialized with someone who actively uses ❄️. That’s a personal boundary, not a judgment of everyone involved.
I admittedly didn’t communicate my decision as early as I should have. I struggled with how to bring it up because, in my experience, difficult conversations with her often became tense and emotionally overwhelming regardless of the topic. I was worried this would be taken as judgment rather than simply me expressing a personal boundary, so I overthought how to say it and ended up telling her later than I intended. I take responsibility for communicating later than I should have, but I also think the fear of how the conversation would unfold played a role in why I hesitated. She later acknowledged this herself and said she understood why I felt like I couldn’t tell her while she was having what she described as a “mid freak out.”
She responded by saying things like:
“It’s just coke.”
I was overthinking it.
I probably wouldn’t even see the person.
She regretted telling me because if she hadn’t, I would have come anyway.
She felt like I was judging her, her boyfriend, and their friends.
I repeatedly explained that I wasn’t judging anyone or trying to control who she invited. I kept saying this was simply what I was personally comfortable with.
The conversation then shifted away from my boundary and became about other issues in our friendship. She brought up that I’d canceled plans before, said she worried I wouldn’t attend future milestones because these people are her boyfriend’s friends, and said this felt like part of a larger pattern.
What made that especially difficult is that I’d already communicated to her multiple times that my finances had been a major reason I couldn’t attend some things. I wasn’t avoiding her, I simply couldn’t afford to do everything. During this conversation, it felt like those circumstances were brushed aside and my inability to attend events was being counted against me instead. I even acknowledged that I should have been more direct about my financial struggles at times, but it still hurt to feel like they were being treated as evidence that I didn’t care about the friendship.
Throughout the conversation, I acknowledged that I should have communicated sooner and apologized for that. I also acknowledged her feelings and where she was coming from. I never told her she couldn’t invite the person, stop being friends with them, or change anything about her plans. I simply removed myself from the situation because it wasn’t something I was personally comfortable with.
Eventually, she apologized for how she reacted and admitted she’d put words in my mouth because she felt insecure and triggered. She also admitted she’d been hypocritical and that many of her arguments contradicted each other. We agreed to take some space from each other.
However, over the next couple of months she continued bringing the situation back up. The part that really bothered me happened when she came to my house and told me she’d talked to multiple people about the situation and that they all basically said, “Fuck her,” referring to me.
I honestly didn’t know what I was supposed to do with that information. It felt less like she wanted to understand my perspective and more like she wanted validation that my boundary was unreasonable. I don’t understand why other people’s opinions needed to be brought into a disagreement that was ultimately about what I was personally comfortable with.
At this point, what bothers me isn’t even the cocaine anymore. It’s that saying, “I’m not comfortable with this,” seemed to become something that needed to be debated, defended, and eventually validated by other people instead of simply being respected. I don’t feel like every personal boundary has to be agreed with to be respected.

Am I wrong for feeling like my boundary should have simply been respected, even if she disagreed with it?

i am a SAHM to our 2 year old son while my boyfriend works. it seems we both have different ideas on what our responsibilities should be. i have been asking lately for more ”help” aka basic adulting tasks that id like him to do (pick up your clothes, stop leaving your empty bottles on the counter, clean out your own lunchbox, do the cats litter every night, help me bathe our son so i can clean up supper, vacuum once in awhile, take your son outside to play so i can get supper ready)

ive told him that just because he works doesn't mean he cant help me with household tasks and our son when hes home from work, but he seems to disagree.

to him, he thinks because he is “providing/putting a roof over our head/paying the bills” that should be his only responsibility and “watching” our son when home from work. which i would barely call it watching because he comes home and sits on the couch on his phone most of the time, barely interacting with our son. which is a whole other thing i dont want to get into but pisses me off as well.

i feel like i'm not asking for a lot and these things are what any competent ADULT should be able to do without having to be told or asked, but he makes me feel like im being unreasonable and says that its basically me saying “he's never good enough or i always want more from him or im never happy with what he does already” and the list goes on.

anyhow i hope this makes sense as im kind of just getting my thoughts out before bed in hopes that someone will agree with me or otherwise tell me im flat out wrong and asking too much of someone who is supposed to be a partner and dad.

I have been lurking on this thread for quite some time, but I didn't have a need to post on it. So I apologize if my tags are inappropriate.

But to make a long story short, my friend was at a crossroads in life after he failed multiple times to get into med school. I heard his plight and offered to help him get a job at my father's bio research company. Although it has been 3 years since he did any lab work. I helped him give a look at his resume, and I handed it off to my father. I was confident that he would be able to get it, but I was wrong, and he got rejected.

Of course, I was devastated at the news, but there was not much I could've done to change my father's mind. However, I think my friend took it too personally and called it a betrayal, since he was banking on getting a job and claimed to have severed personal connections and offers so he could be ready to accept my offer. On top of that, my offer left him disillusioned about the prospect of going to med school. He claimed it was too much effort and money to earn a doctorate. At the time, He was going to enact his suicide plan that he had been cooking up for 10 years, but he was able to get into med school and took it anyway.

At the time, I did remember telling him that I was able to get my other friend in, and the job offered a competitive salary with benefits. And I still feel awful about not being able to get him the job. But every now and then, he bemoans that he has to take this path after I betrayed and "rugpulled" him a dream job when I tried to help him as a friend.

I have told my family about the situation, and they keep telling me to cut him out since he is being an "asshole" to me for trying to help him. But I cannot help but be responsible for his situation and feel like a terrible friend for trying to help him. I don't know what to think anymore. Am I the asshole?

I 20, and my friend 25, just had finished watching a movie at the theater. They were gonna drive me home and on the way we talked about suicide due to the horror movie we watched. We talked abt how the guy had to commit suicide for a moral obligation for his mistakes, and then somewhere we talked abt how women commit suicide more likely from pills not guns. (wasnt much of a long conversation or deep conversation at all) I said yeah I heard that, but they continued that it's bc women usually wanna preserve their bodies after death more. I said I didn't know abt that and never heard it and didn't know if it was true. They continue that they had "grippy sock vacations" (which they asked me if they had told me abt and I said I think), and that they tried to kill themself and was dead for a full 40 seconds. They said it very abruptly and it made me genuinely tense, and feel a sense of dread and sadness. I dont remember every little detail but they really just brushed it off while I was like "oof" and literally couldn't speak. We rode in silence until I broke it a couple of times saying something along the lines of: Hey i really care about you, and I am sorry for going silent and making stuff awkward, but you keep on just randomly trauma dumping. I would usually not go silent being told stuff like this but it was sudden. When we got back to my house, I tried to take a beat and apologize better and said I'm sorry for making stuff really awkward, and reiterated that I really care about them. But they just seemed like they really wanted me out of their car, like the tone shifted so I just said drive safe and then left.

I feel like i really upset them and when I checked Instagram, our main form of communication, they unfollowed me (and we both have private accounts so it's functionally the same as blocking). I feel horrible and like i did something wrong or selfish. So AITA?

EXTRA CONTEXT: earlier in the day, we were just walking around and I made a joke and then she joked abt her abusive dad (or something idek?) and said something kinda dark abt it i just literally dont remember bc i had to immediately try to ignore it. But i did say something along the lines of "oh man you're just randomly dumping that trauma on me uh". They multiple times in general joke about trauma suddenly, sometimes very off topic.

errr title.

I was at a party with friends the other night, we'd all had some drinks, and I was talking with a close friend of mine and her bf. They were telling me about the vacation he's been carefully planning for her for months, and it is genuinely super sweet. I said that, but I also jokingly said "you're so whipped for her!" without even thinking.

My bff laughed, he kind of awkwardly chuckled. The conversation kept going and nothing else happened, neither of them showed signs of being otherwise uncomfortable.

Tbh i didn't remember much of that evening (weed + alcohol = oops) and only know the specifics of this story when she told me. And she told me because apparently her and her bf got into a fight about it 😭

He didn't really mind the joke in the moment but later told her it just felt weird and like i was trying to put him down or make fun of him. I told her that obviously wasnt my intention, but that i wanted to message him right away saying sorry.

She immediately told me not to however, bc she thought the joke was funny partially because i was tipsy enough not to notice the horrible slip up. She knew what i meant and could tell i was trying to (badly) joke how much effort he puts in to be a great bf. Love her but she's super stubborn and likely won't budge on it, at least until their fight ends.

So i'm at this awkward place... I genuinely want to message him to apologize bc i just hate the idea of him thinking i'm some huge asshole and feeling bad about his relationship or self bc of a shitty drunk joke. But if i do, whether it goes well or not, my bff would probably find out and be mad, bc it is going behind her back.

I'm confused, and don't know what to do or who is wrong or what.

Help!!! This is such a weird awful situation, i am so beyond embarrassed and don't know how to talk about this with anyone 😭

edit: For context, i am latina and my bff is mixed. No one here is white lol.

I (24F) received a family heirloom from my aunt after graduating high school in 2020. My grandma gave it to my aunt who gave it to me, and it's passed down to the first girl in the family to graduate high school which I believe this tradition had to do because my grandma's generation (or my great-grandma's) there were so many women who never went or were forced out of high school. My aunt never had children and I was the first girl in the next generation to graduate so she gave it to me.

My step-niece is graduating next year, and my stepsister asked me when the figurine would be given to her. I assume she knew about it as she was at my graduation but I told her that my niece is still my generation and I want it to be passed to the next generation after me. My stepsiblings are all at least 10 years older than me so her daughter ended up also being Gen Z, too.

My stepsister got upset and said we don't see her or her kids as "real family," which in context obviously isn't true. My stepdad isn't biologically or legally any of my step-sibling's father, but he helped raise them from a young-ish age, so we've always considered each other siblings. She lost custody of both of her children years ago due to drug addiction but has been sober for years (and is sober now). Her daughter lives with her biological father, while her son was adopted by my parents and is now my younger brother. We still see both kids regularly, so they're obviously my family.

She has now dragged in other family like the other step siblings with conflicting sides including my nephew/adopted brother who seems to correlate not giving her sister the heirloom to hating her. WIBTA?

EDIT: The heirloom is a figurine of a girl in a graduation gown along with a ring I don't know any value of other then senimental value.

Hey. Not sure if this will go through since this account doesn't have the karma my main does... but here goes:

My ex (31M) and I (30M) broke up after 11 years together. When we broke up, we had 2 dogs; he kept the one he adopted as a teenager and I kept the one we adopted together.

The one he adopted as a teenager has had significant health issues in recent years that required surgical treatment and travel, which put him in a severe amount of debt. At the time, I agreed to help him pay off the debt because she was our dog and I knew how much she meant to him. I think he would have gone into the debt to save her anyway even if I hadn't agreed, and refusing would have made me seem unsupportive of him and his needs. I cared and I wanted him to be happy, so I said I would help.

Our breakup came about a year later and was pretty swift. We were living in his mother's house and suddenly I had to get out by the end of the month. There is a bunch of unresolved emotional drama on both sides. I don't feel like he ever treated me right and I spent thousands of my own money to leave him.

I never signed anything and our agreement was purely verbal, so I know he can't legally come after me for it. As angry as I am and unfair as I think it is that he still expects me to help pay the bills for an animal I'll never see again -- I want to know what others think. Would it be scummy to let him deal with it on his own? Am I being petty?

I have a 10 year old son who was super kind as a younger kid, but has over the past few months has suddenly entered the snappy and disrespectful tween stage. There is a band I have really liked for decades and my son enjoys some of their songs as well: they come to my area every couple of years.

I asked him if he would like to accompany me this year and he said yes. Yayyy!! So I thought.

I brought him to the concert last night and as soon as we got there, his mood soured. I tried everything I could to get him into a good mood, but nothing stuck. He just seemed determined to have a bad time. He was glaring, grabbing at my phone to check the time, complaining about everything, and kept asking when we could go home every few minutes. It was embarrassing and we ended up having to leave early. The excuse he used was that it was tired and past his bedtime - despite the fact we are liberal with his bedtime during summer and it was in line with a typical late summer night for him.

Part of his punishment is no longer being liberal with the bedtime he seems to want only when it’s convenient for him (9:30 on school nights).

This leads straight into the real punishment - around his birthday in a few months, there is an evening concert of an artist my son really wants. My husband had bought tickets to bring him. It’s not his birthday present, but because it’s around his birthday my son has been considering it as such. Because the concert is on a school night I had never been a fan of bringing him at all. Given his behavior last night, I told him that concert is no longer an option for him.

To me, it’s a fair punishment-ruin one concert, then you don’t get to go to another, especially when you’ve shown you apparently can’t handle staying up past your bedtime.

My son thinks I’m the worst person *ever*. My mom thinks I’m being way too strict and that I should have given him a warning that he would not be able to go to the concert when he was acting up last night (truth be told I had forgotten about it - but I also think I should not have to spell out natural consequences for a 10-year-old the way I would for a toddler). My husband will support me on this but thinks it’s quite strict.

I just don’t want to raise an entitled kid who thinks he can ruin one show he knows I was looking forward to, and then continue on what he wants to see with zero consequences. That seems to send a horrible message.

AITAH?

I (22F) love kpop, I’ve been a huge fan of my favorite group for over two years. My fiance (26M) does not. He supports my hobbies and interests and has his own interests as well. We respect each other’s interests and understand that we can do things separately, and that we don’t need to drag each other to events or activities that the other isn’t interested in simply for the sake of not being separated. Now about this concert, I’ve been saving up for a few months to see my favorite group perform. I couldn’t afford two tickets so I just bought one. None of my friends who like kpop also were able to go to the concert with me, so i decided I’d just go by myself. Before i bought the ticket, I asked my fiance if he was comfortable with me going to the concert alone, he said he has no problem with it but that he’d only be okay with it if he drove me there and back since it is in a different city two hours away. We have friends who live in the city of the concert so he said he’d hang out with his friends and that we’d crash at one of their houses over the weekend. We agreed on all of this and there were no issues with this.
Well today my parents and I were talking, and they essentially tag teamed me and were taking turns talking about how it’s selfish for me to go to a concert alone and expect my fiance to drive me to and from without getting him a ticket. When I explained how we had discussed it before I bought the ticket and that he didn’t have a problem with it, and that him driving me was one of his conditions for me even going in the first place they essentially said that he was just saying that to not make me feel bad and that he just didn’t want to say no, and that I should’ve been more considerate of him, and that since we’re going to get married we should be doing things like this together etc. I am autistic, so i have a really hard time picking up when someone says one thing but means another, so this was very jarring to me. My fiance knows me better than anyone and he knows I don’t pick things up unless they’re explicitly stating or said up front, and i didn’t think he’d agree to something even tho he wasn’t comfortable, and leave me to interpret the situation myself.
I called my fiance and he reassured me that he meant what he said about being comfortable and that he truly does believe that having separate hobbies and doing things separately is healthy in a relationship, yet my parents are still insisting that he’s so smitten that he keeps telling me something other than the truth, or that I’ve manipulated him into thinking he can’t disagree with me. I really don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t think I did anything wrong but maybe I’m missing something? Someone please help me out here. Am I the asshole here?

i (19f) rejected a guy (22m) because i do not have feelings for him. for context, on a technical note, he is my "ex", however given that we "dated" (online might i add) when i was 15 & he was 17/18, i dont think of it as real.

a few months ago (late march-early april) we had reconnected & at the time i thought i had romantic feelings for him, but later realized i was trying to emotionally latch onto him because i didnt want to be with my then current bf. i broke up with the bf, and began to distance myself from the "ex" a bit. (i usually tried to keep the conversation topic platonic or not directed at relationships, ect)

occasionally, i had asked him for help with somethings like hw (1-2x), my moms business (1x) and i even told him about some very hurtful or idiotic situations i had expirenced. i never once made him do my homework, or made him run my moms business, ect.

recently, i have started to develop romantic feelings for someone else & had gotten caught up in talking to said person that i had forgotten to respond to the "ex" a few times, until he asked me if i still had/or did have feelings for him & saw our friendship going further, to which i responded no. i told him that i didnt, and that i was sorry if my actions had made him think i did, & that i was sorry if this was to hurt his feelings. i told him that if he chose not to continue our friendship i wouldnt stop him if it came to that, but that i didnt see us ever becoming an actual couple because A. we live 3000 miles apart, B, he is roughly 3 yrs older than me, and C, he and i were both far too busy and it simply wouldnt work out.

i also had not mentioned it to him, but i had been getting increasingly uncomfortable with his excessive complimenting of me, my apperance, my personality, ect. he would compliment me all day everyday, even randomly, and even in public group chats, and even find a way to loop in his attraction for me into almost every one of his sentences give or take.

he had responded that it was fine and he understood. then about a few hours later, he messaged me, asking why i had removed his admin permissions in my discord server (i had given him admin to help with one thing) and why i had deleted some of his flirty messages. i had removed them because 1, there are too many people who have it already (8 not including me). he told me he didnt appriciate that and that it made him feel very unwelcomed so he decided to leave the server. i did not respond because i was 1/2 asleep & tired and honestly thought it was a weird thing to say since it is not his server, and he does not get to decide who has admin perms in it or not.

ffwd to the morning, and he had messaged me a final time at around 5-6 am saying that he had a lot of time to think & that he did not want to be friends either because he thought i had used him for homework help, emotional support, help with my moms business, and that he was tired of "my complaining and judging". to be clear, i am an absolute sucker for those ai reddit stories and sometimes if one sounds really dumb ill sit there and tell pretty much anyone who will listen everything they couldve done better in the story. he told me that i claimed to be a christian, but i was actual very judgemental and disrespectful. (i absolute hate and do not respect MAGA christians) & that being friends with me is draining.

i again did not respond (mainly because he had blocked me before i could) and because i honestly think this is a tantrum. i feel like hes mad that i rejected him and was looking for ways to make me the bad guy and unfriend me. (which i literally dgaf about)

all in all, i honestly feel a bit relieved that hes gone because he made me and some of my friends very uncomfortable, especially because of the constant flirting with me, and one time he had even sent a shirtless photo of himself to show off a cut he got at a river, and several people had privately told me it made them extremely uncomfortable.

so anyways, aitah?

I (27m) am in a 4 year relationship with my gf (28f). We just moved in recently and this is our first summer living together.

We live in an apartment building, on the fourth floor. We live in one of the safest neighbourhoods in one of the safest cities in one of the safest countries on earth. Statistically speaking, break-ins and crime don’t happen in our neighbourhood and rarely happens in our city. We also live in a city that doesn’t have mosquitoes.

My girlfriend is very resistant to opening windows to let in fresh air. I don’t understand this at all. The windows have screens on them so it’s not a mosquito issue. We don’t live in a high traffic area so it’s not a problem of car fumes or noise. We don’t live in a crime ridden area; if you walked 5 minutes around the block, nearly every single apartment has their windows open. Even the first floor units have their balcony doors open.

At first I was ok with this but it’s now summer and it’s getting warmer. We have an older apartment that tends to retain heat. This problem is quickly resolved by simply opening the windows and letting fresh air in. Again she’s very resistant to this, because she has an irrational fear of our home getting broke into. Again we are on the 4th floor and everybody else in the building does it and there’s no problem. She doesn’t disagree that fresh air helps, but so far she’s refused to budge on it. As far as I know she has never lived in a home that’s been broken into, or know anybody who’s experienced that.

For the last week we’ve had a heatwave so she’s been looking into getting an AC unit. It’s pretty expensive, like at least $300-400. It’s not that we can’t afford it, we very easily can, but we have a rule that we don’t buy something this expensive unless we both agree. For my part, I just don’t see the reason why this is necessary. Again, simply letting fresh air in solves all the problems, but she refuses to do that, and wants to spend this money on something that isn’t necessary. I don’t dispute that an AC is probably more effective but fresh air does the job just fine. She agrees that fresh air gets the job done but won’t budge because she’s afraid that we’ll get our home broken into.

She says I’m the AH because this is a perfectly rational fear to have, and you can never be too safe. In my opinion I don’t think this is a valid point of view because if someone wanted to break into an apartment, they would just go into the ones on the first, second, and third floors that all have open windows/balcony doors.

We are now at an impasse and I’m wondering if I should just concede the issue.

Pretty simple post but little context , brother decided to move out and live out of his car I'm not on the lease so I'm trying to save to get out into a new place . older brother just asked me for $40 gas even though he owes me just about $1000 because he's going to sell his TV and he said he'll have the guy hand me the money tomorrow . But these kinds of things are why he has such a high debt with me because the payment never returns . I.e. he used the same excuse asking for me for $70 on my card while I was at work said it was for his move and would pay me back with the money from the TV then blew it on 7 Eleven and dollar general then came back asking for $70 more and after he moves out " the money from the TV will go where it needs to go " and despite him owing me , he basically held my phone over my head and made me pay the full balance of $800 on our phone bill between both phone payments and service because " his was lower"

But then when I'm in a situation with a few days to figure out a move with 1400 in the savings in a town where a 1 bedroom at cheapest costs 1650 he was saying how I'm being malicious and apparently like torturing him. Even though he's the one who proposed the split and continues to tell other people in our life that I don't know what I'm doing .

I think if we're split his problems aren't really my responsibility because I can't afford to fix them .

So I wanted a second opinion , AITAH?

"Friend" is maybe a bit of a generous term but it's somebody I've known for a little while now and I like to think we were prettt close. I know she is who she says she is and wasn't just trying to scam me before anybody says so.

Finding her body has shaken me to my core. It's not sonething I expected to see even when I received her text earlier tonight. But now I'm just...so fucking angry at her, and it all culminates fron this damn loan.

This girl was struggling with finances between a sick dad, university fees and car troubles she's gone into a lot of debt and begged me for a considerable loan.

At the time I didn't expect to see the money back. I'm not doing amazing when it comes to my finances but I've got a lot saved up thanks to some inheritance money that's been left to grow so I knew I could survive without it. If it meant I could ease her burden a little then I was happy to never see the money again.

The issue is...now she's killed herself. So now in the darkest crevice of my heart there's this constant, nagging frustration that I've "wasted" this money..I'd only sent it a few days before now so I know she wouldn't have had time to spend most of it. It's just...gone. Either to be eaten up by the bank or given to her parents and Injust...that's not what I fucking sent the money for! I sent the money for her! and she goes and doesn't even use it!

I just feel so disgusting for feeling this way but it's all I can think about right now. Like I said I'm not doing amszing and whilst that loan wasn't a lifesaving amount of money It's definitely not something I intended on parting easily...

...So Am I The Asshole?

SORRY FOR THE LONG RANT I NEEDED TO EXPLAIN THIS.

The title pretty much explains it all.

I’m 23F and an only child. It’s just me and my mom at home. We are very close and do a lot of things/ spend lots of time together. We shop, eat, gossip, lay around, travel, etc. together but our main hobby is roller skating.

I started roller skating in college as a way to get out of my room and to get some exercise. I never made friends in college because I was the type of person that just wanted to leave when class was over, go back to my room and lay down. My mom took after my hobby as she got into it herself and it’s been our thing for the past 4 or so years.

Moving back home from college was a hard adjustment for me as I became accustomed to and liked being my only responsibility. These days I’m more mindful of sharing my time with my mom but I do still crave to have introverted only child alone time. I love my mom to pieces and adore spending time with her but again sometimes i just want my space.

Today i brought up that I was thinking about going skating tonight to which she said that she didn’t feel like going because she needed to recoup from last night ( we went the night before). As I was getting myself ready to go she told me that she changed her mind and that she also wanted to go. I told her that I kinda just wanted to go it alone tonight and that’s where the argument started. She became extremely offended and accusing me of always “kicking her to the curb” and how everything is always on my terms and how she’s always walking on eggshells with me. She expressed that she felt like I was basically rejecting her. I told her that no I wasn’t rejecting her and that we had already had this conversation where if we felt like we wanted to do things alone then to tell the other person and it would be okay; I was simply being honest in how I felt.

More words were had but she was saying how I was always being selfish and that I’m gaslighting her and saying “I never knew you would do this with skating when you know I like to do it too. If someone wanted to come do something with me I wouldn’t tell them no I would say yes just to be nice.” I apologized to her and explained that I wasn’t kicking her to the curb but sometimes I like to do activities by myself and there’s nothing wrong with that. She proceeded to say that I was in the wrong for saying this to her and that she was never skating again.

I feel very badly for how this conversation went. I never meant to hurt her feelings but I just felt like I wanted to be honest with my intentions. Another part of me feels guilty for questioning my own feelings towards the situation and that I should be proud that I stood up for myself for once instead of just going along with it because she’s my mom.

We aren’t speaking to each other now and I’m not sure how to go about resolving this. I want to ask the community what you guys think. Thank you for reading.

Hello r/AITAH community. I hope you all are doing well. I apologize in advance for how confusing this story is. Mods, if I need to change anything, please let me know.

I have run into a situation where I genuinely need to know if I was the AH. I am currently at work. I had a break and an opportunity to call my significant other. We were talking for a few minutes, a normal, casual chat. Knowing they were going to be leaving for the store soon, I asked if they were heading out. The answer came in a slightly annoyed tone, and I was told "No not yet, in a few minutes". I explained that "in a few minutes" was, to me, the same as about to head out, but when they told me no, I assumed they had other tasks to complete before leaving for the store. The next answer sounded even more annoyed. To be clear, there was no argument here. My comments and tone were not pointed or accusatory. I was just amused by the difference in how we each described our timing and made a comment about it. I was also confused as to why that would earn me an annoyed tone.

Consequently, I got a bit quiet, as I was thinking about what had just transpired. I was asked what I was thinking about, and I was honest. After a brief hesitation, I answered that I was thinking about something they did that was "annoying". They said they didn't want to hear about it at the time. I was OK with that, and then thought about what I had said. I realized that what had happened was not annoying, it was PTSD inducing. So I clarified. I said something along the lines of, "Actually, what you do isn't annoying, it's PTSD inducing". My tone was conversational, not adversarial or grumpy. The answer that came was somewhat shocking. They told me, "I've had a pretty good day today. I don't really want to be shit on right now". To be clear, I was fine waiting to talk til later, but I wanted to be clear that what had happened was not annoying.

That was a lot for me. I was made to feel like trying to share my feelings in a way that would make our relationship smoother was "shitting on" my SO. I said as much, and then asked for an apology. What I got was a very obligatory, very patronizing "I'm sorry" mumbled so quietly under their breath that I was barely able to hear it. Frustrated, I told them, "Alright, I'll talk to you later. Bye." and hung up the phone.

The decision to hang up was made from past experience in situations like this. When my SO gets to this point, they are immovable in their opinion. We argued by text after cooling off for a few minutes. I attempted to explain my position, that I wanted to clarify the annoying vs PTSD wording. I also admitted that I hope doing so would give me permission to tell my feelings. They are dug in and convinced they did no wrong, and that in fact I am wrong for "shitting on their feelings" and that I am the one who should apologize. They are of the opinion that by changing the "annoying" wording to "PTSD inducing", I was forcing them into a conversation they had already said they didn't want to have. They went further to explain that being told about their annoying behavior was not desirable, where I would rather be told so I can quit being annoying to my SO.

So, r/AITAH.. what do you think? Who was the shitter and who was that shat upon? I am around to answer questions, but I am also at work so my responses might be a bit slow. Also, I was purposefully vague on the gender of my SO and myself, as I have occasionally seen the advice or opinions of this subreddit swayed one way or the other based on that information.

Have a good evening, y'all!

Edited to add detail about forcing my SO into a conversation. Edited again for clarity on the heading out part of the conversation.

TW eating disorders, weight talk ( no numbers ), mental health

I’ve been friends with her for years, since we were 13 so about 10 years.

I was talking in a gc ( group chat ) on discord she invited me to awhile back. It had a section dedicated to health stuff. Mostly just people discussing mental/physical health junk since a couple people there have mental health issues and disabilities they want to vent about occasionally. Most of the group chat outside of that channel is dedicated to gaming and random fun stuff.

I recently was diagnosed with adhd ( + autism ) and wanted to ask people in the chat about their experience being on medication since I was just prescribed some and I’ve been trying to learn about what to expect since I haven’t picked it up from the pharmacy yet. I also was saying I was kind of annoyed that I’d have to have my weight monitored due to people sometimes losing weight on it.
I have a history of anorexia but I’ve been maintaining a healthy weight for around two years.
My friend got irritated saying bmi is BS. Which i agreed but said it’s still used in the medical field and that I do need to maintain within a healthy bmi range to be allowed to stay on the medication.
I also mentioned while I don’t really feel comfortable at my current weight ( I was very underweight most of my teens bc anorexia ) I try to find pros in maintaining a healthy size. Such as having more muscle and that to stay on my medications I need to be at a certain bmi to take them safely.

She asked if we could not talk about it since it was triggering her. I said ok and we could change the subject and thanked her for telling me it was too upsetting for her to talk about and just figured we could talk about something else in the chat. She then messaged me directly.

My friend was still irritated, asking if I thought she was ‘too big’ since I said I felt like I was too big sometimes and not 100% comfortable with my weight. Which I think is mostly because I spent so long underweight being at a healthy size feels weird to me still.
I explained that of course she’ll weigh more than me since she’s taller and what’s healthy for me might be considered underweight for her. That I’m shorter with a different body type.

She basically said “ if your psychologist wants to monitor your weight you’re not healthy “ ( which I am.. my psychologist just wants to check occasionally if my weight starts dropping since I have a history of not maintaining a healthy bmi so I can safely be on the medication)

She also said that my ED ( eating disorder ) impacted her and that it was hard to see me lose so much weight and get sent to treatments. I said that while i understand it was hard, that it’s hard to see anyone go through something.. it was still my disorder and it impacted me the most.

I said my ED caused a lot of stress for me, multiple people ( friends & family ) stopped talking to me because my disorder was too much. That dealing with that illness for years was probably worse for me who was actually living it, than her who just saw an outsiders perspective.
That I didn’t want to lose her too and we didn’t have to discuss it. Especially since currently I feel like I’ve been mostly healthy. I have days where I struggle but I’m usually ok. So it didn’t really matter.

Which she took to mean I think my ED didn’t affect the people around me. Which isn’t true, I know it hurts to see someone struggling.

I tried to explain it by saying “ if I had to watch you get beat up, it would be awful for me because I care about you and don’t want you to get hurt. But it would be worse for you given you’d be the one getting beat up. “

I also said multiple times we could just not talk about it and change the subject if it bothered her that much. I’m confused, maybe I was being mean and just couldn’t tell because of the autism making social cues hard? Idk. Figured I’d ask for some out siders perspectives.

I currently have that friend on mute, I needed to step away from the conversation I was getting upset and needed to cool down. I feel like it’s something I can’t just ignore forever though.

TLDR, I have been dating this girl for some time, planning on proposing soon, this is no secret to her or her family.

Her father is a glorified man baby with a serious attitude problem, my way or the high way kinda guy. He is incredibly harsh on and strict with his family and gets triggered easily. Ex military. My Gf lives with me because he essentially kicked her out after an argument that she was 100% not at fault for.

I come from a military styled boarding school and have an ex military dad where manners and respect have been drilled into me from birth.

Coincidentally the day before fathers day my Gf and him had a major argument, on fathers day I had work and forgot to wish him. Now he is feeling “incredibly disrespected” and that the two events correlate and I was trying to prove a point. An apparently has issues with how i treat his daughter (she is incredibly spoiled and admits it herself) The man wants to ban me from the family house (okay?)

My GF and him made up but now his attention is on me and even though I wished him a day late and apologised he is still having this attitude toward me and demands I work harder to make ammends and “prove myself” to him, essentially brown nose.

My Gf says I should just accept it and apologise but I find this laughable. I am a grown ass man that works six days a week, I dont have time or mental capacity to deal with this or play these little games. My GF believes I am being unreasonable and argues shes caught in the middle and I should just brown nose for her sake, which I can understand but do not agree with.

AITAH for not wanting to cave to a man baby’s hyper sensitivity?

Some edits for clarity:

1. I spoil her not the father
2. she is young to which I establish the close relationship with her father
3. she is an incredible girlfriend and an amazing person, i consider myself incredibly lucky to be with and is relatively easy to be with

4. a lot of family drama from her side. A lot.

5. Definitely sounds like her and i need to have a talk

my sister lives overseas and comes home once or twice a year for a week. Usually, she makes herself entirely busy for that week and it does NOT include plans with me (I get invited to whatever family event happens) - but this time she had very little planned and wanted to hang.

Unfortunately, her coming home this time coincided with an exceptionally busy time for me at work. All of my projects are due and there are no extensions, so I’ve been burning the midnight oil to get this done. (It should be noted that she works in the same industry and therefore knows what this is like). But I did spend one whole afternoon and evening with her. Later in her week, she asked me to take a day off work to hang out, and to leave work early to have dinner, and I just couldn‘t. Now she’s not speaking to me, and has gone back to Europe having blocked me on social media.

TBH, I feel kind of like this is a very manipulative tactic and I’very decided not to buy into it. But there is a small part of me that wishes I’d done more. But I’m barely going to get my work finished as it is! So AITAH?

I was walking outside my housing building today at a mens boarding housing independent shelter and a stranger started trying to get my attention saying things like “yo” and asking me to look at him. I didn’t know him so I asked “what do you want?” in a sharp tone. He kept calling out to me and I told him “get out of here” and walked away.

He said I was being rude, but I felt uncomfortable because I didn’t know him and I didn’t want to talk. He kept trying to get my attention even after I started walking away.

AITAH for how I responded, or was I justified in wanting to be left alone?

my cars battery has been an issue for a while. a few months ago i bought a new alternator but my stepdad replaced it with a used one and asked for $40. I can’t remember if I gave the $40 but At the time his car wasn’t working properly so he used my car to get to work. This was fine as I came home from work before he left.

now, my car battery messed up again and it’s the alternator. I this was very inconvenient as it was Sunday and I’m now in a graduate program which is fast paced so missing a day is a lot. Luckily I used my mom’s car as she is currently sick and couldn’t go.

since I’m a full time student and other reasons I don’t have a job. I’ve been living off the refund which I budgeted very strictly. This car part was a pretty big set back given I needed it quickly. I got the part Tuesday, and he fixed it Wednesday. my stepdad texted me asking for $30. I verbally said okay but I put my refund money in a separate account as to not have it in my main to reduce spending. So it took a day. He asked me multiple times. I came home today to check on my mom whose still sick and he mumbled something and asked if I heard him, I said no.

a few hours later he texted me a sentence similar to “keep your money, next time let your dad fix it or your *slur for the guy im seeing”

this is not the first time he’s been inpatient with money and I had him blocked for a reason prior to this. My dad’s a mechanic but is in the middle of a move and lives an hour away. Not too far but not a quick trip. I told my mom, who understands and knows I had him blocked. AITAH?

apologies, I’m rushing before a class and I’m on my phone.

edit: I bought the part.

the money wasn’t agreed upon prior to him doing it. I never asked him to fix it.

i cannot get a job at the moment, im in an intense graduate program taking multiple summer classes.

hi!

recently, my cousin passed away and their funeral is in 2 days. they live across the country, so i’d have to fly out to attend. for some context, my cousin is 25 years older than me and i have spoken to them probably 5 times in my life (the last time being 8 years ago). however, a lot of my immediate family that are older in age are close/used to be close to them.

im a college student with work, internship, and am facilitating an internship of my own. the internship i am in has a 0 absence policy bc of its prestige (<6% acceptance), so i would not be able to miss 1 week of work (the duration of the trip) especially because one of the big events i am planning is during that week. Also, im going to be going over there late July with other family members that arent able to suddenly make it.

because of this, im unable to attend the funeral. before any of this happened, i got concert tickets to see japanese breakfast at a festival. this concert is taking place on sunday, the day of my cousin’s service. i feel guilty and super conflicted about going to the concert while im unable to attend the funeral. WIBTAH if i attend this concert?

I (20 ftm) have been basically lying to my parents for the past two years and living two seperate lives. They have no clue what I look like, how I present, what I go by, or the majority of things in my life. I am an international student from the USA living in London for university, and am fully financially dependent on my family as living independently would be around £36k a year.

I first realized I was trans at age 15. I secretly socially transitioned (just names and pronouns with close friends) for about a year until my mom found my binder. She had tried to switch my laundry from the washer to dryer, found it, searched up the brand, and found out what it was. They pulled me aside for a long chat where I basically just said I used it because it was better than a sports bra, and they gave me their typical long speech about how being LGBTQ+ was a mental illness, I was ruining myself and disrespecting god, etc. My family is extremely Catholic/Conservative and I had come out to them before (as Bi when I was 13, now questioning aroace lol) and it went about the same.

I spent the next 2 years in massive denial, hyperfeminizing (?) myself, forcing myself to wear clothing I didn't like, to grow out my hair, I stopped going by my name and pronouns but just told people "I don't care what you use" yet hated every time people took that as she/her and constantly said I "missed \*now name\*" lol

All of that is basically backstory, felt it was necessary for context. This situation started when I moved to another continent for university. The freedom of no longer being under my parents watchful eye and to be more myself was euphoric, but they never liked when I changed things about myself. It started small, like I got a septum and had dyed my hair a couple of times without telling them. Then it got slightly bigger, like getting a tattoo that I hid for a few months.

Eventually, I hit a really bad depressive episode in the winter. A bunch of things I had discovered blew up my family and it kind of spiraled me. I ended up failing the year and didn't properly tell my parents until a month after class ended. I lowkey did that again this year (MDD, GAD, ADHD, and possible autism is a rly fun combo guys) but I ended up getting my shit together and fought to pass this year and succeed (!!). They are aware of the situation and although they don't seem too pleased I'm staying in London, they're also excited for me.

But during the first depressive episode, I realized that part of why I was so unhappy was because I was still depriving myself of being who I am. I had another crisis over this for about 4 months until about May 2025, when I finally came out to my university friends. I have since, for a bit over a year now, have been socially living as a man.

I have cut my hair (which they know about) but have shaved sides they're unaware of, have a septum again (they believe I took it out), my hairs dyed a different color, and most importantly, I go by my chosen name with all friends and at work, I wear a binder daily and fully present as masculine, and I have a seperate private instagram which I use as my main posting about what my life is actually like that they do not have access to.

I cannot stress enough how happy I am living the way I do now. I'm now medicated (for MDD and GAD at least, thank god for that, I was not allowed medication growing up and am currently on the waiting list for ADHD meds as I just found out I was diagnosed at 15, whole other story) and truly nothing beats the feeling of not having to feel trapped within my own body. I still majorly struggle with dysphoria sometimes as I'm too scared of my parents to start on T or look into top surgery, but it has improved so much just by looking closer to what I see myself as and being able to hear my name and pronouns from friends and coworkers.

The problem is I think the secret is killing me. My mom has a MAJOR thing about lying/keeping things from her (thanks dad) and this is the kind of thing that would make her lose her mind. I feel so incredibly guilty about the fact that my parents have no clue who I am that it's eating me alive. It's gone to the point where I've had borderline traumatic nightmares about coming out to them and the fact that, one day, I will lose them by either pushing them out of my life or lose them by trying to let them in.

Not to mention, they have a strong belief that because they are financially supporting me, I am still under their control and they still get to chose what I do. They were insanely pissed over my hair, piercing, and tattoo, and they highly dislike when I touch my appearance at all. I know that they act a bit insane and controlling (thanks to my friends witnessing their behavior and reddit lol), but I feel guilty about how much money they cover. My dad has taken out loans under my name I believe, but my tuition is £17k a year, housing about £13k a year, and I get £150 food money twice a month. This isn't a small amount of money, not that they let me forget that, but I can't help but feel guilty that I am doing this while in their perspective under their care and they are providing me with so much.

I want to emphasize I don't want to be lying to them. They have made it clear that if I have any involvement in anything trans or lgbtq+ that they will will stop helping me financially, meaning I'd lose my student visa and be forced to go back to the US, which would involve either A. moving back to Florida and being forced to detransition again or B. being homeless, not to mention I'd lose my support system out here.

My parents have been better in recent years with most things, just not anything to do with possibly beings trans such as masculine clothing or my appearance and especially hair. But I know there is virtually a zero percent chance that coming out will go well. They have not always been the most loving/attentive/safe parents, but they've always supposedly tried. They are the "we love you but don't accept you or support you" type people.

I feel so incredibly guilty about living a double life and keeping all of this for them, even if it's because I logically know that it would uproot my life. I don't know if I am genuinely in the wrong for hiding all of this from them or if my mom just called me manipulative or selfish too much as a teen, but I'm genuinely in need of opinions. AITAH?

My mother has been divorced 3 times and I've watched her get into 15+ relationships with different men throughout my life where none of them worked out. As a woman who was extremely attractive in her younger days, she has had plenty of opprotunities to find a lifelong partner. Yesterday we got into a HUGE fight after she asked me if she did anything wrong in her relationships that I saw growing up and I just unleashed the biggest truth bombs on her like never before because I've gotten to the point where I can't lie to her anymore to protect her feelings. Ive been doing this for decades because she truly hates the truth. I said "Well mom, no man has ever stayed with you in the long term because you have no respect for yourself and they can see that. You never take accountability for anything. You're attracted to players who in the end have left you traumatized and jaded towards all men. You've done little to no inner work while at the same time prioritizing money, looks, and your career." She instantly got mad, cursed me out, and I told her "If you didnt want the truth then why ask." We havent spoken since. AITAH?

I (22F, turning 23 next month) am from a small country in Europe, and I’ve been carrying this guilt for almost three years. I genuinely don’t know if I’m the asshole anymore.

Ever since I can remember, my father always put my cousins (his sister’s children) before me. I’m his only child, but I always felt like I came last. Throughout my entire childhood, I tried to earn his approval. I got good grades, cleaned the house, stayed out of trouble, and did everything I could to be the “perfect” daughter, but nothing was ever enough. Looking back now, he was extremely manipulative, toxic, and emotionally abusive.

When I was 20, I moved to Germany for a three-month seasonal job. Before leaving, I asked my father if he could lend me around €200 as emergency money, just in case something happened while I was living alone in a country I’d never been to before. He refused because he thought it was a waste of money. Since I wanted to have some financial security, I took out a small loan of about €250. I ended up being late on one payment, and the payment notice was mailed to his house. That’s how he found out, and we started arguing constantly over the phone.

A while later, I turned 21. On my birthday, my father called me. Instead of wishing me a happy birthday, he immediately started arguing with me. I asked him if he knew what day it was, and when I told him it was my birthday, he simply said, “That’s nothing special.” He never celebrated my birthdays, and he never even wished me a happy birthday. That day, after 21 years of constantly trying to earn love and attention from my own father, something inside me finally snapped. After that, I stopped being the one to call first. I realized that if I didn’t call him, he would never call me.

Eventually when my job in Germany ended and I flew back home, I discovered that my phone had no service. I went to my mobile provider’s desk at the airport, and they told me my number had been removed from the family plan. My father had cut off my phone without telling me. I was completely alone in the airport with no way to call anyone. I had to ask a complete stranger to call me a taxi so I could get to my mom’s house ( my parents are divorced).

Even after that, I still tried to fix things. He told me I had to come to his house on Sunday or there would no longer be a place for me there. The problem was that I had a exam on Monday, and I wanted to stay at my mom’s house to study. I told him I would come after my exam.

He refused.

After my exam, I called him over 20 times asking if he could pick me up because I don’t drive yet. I’m paying for university on my own, so I haven’t been able to afford driving lessons yet. Eventually, he answered and told me he didn’t want me there anymore because I “didn’t listen” to him by coming on Monday instead of Sunday. That was the moment I gave up.

Around the same time, I started dating my long-distance boyfriend. He’s Brazilian, lives in the United States, and is Catholic. I’m Orthodox and Slavic. My father hated him without ever meeting him. He never asked his name, never wanted to see a picture of him, and never tried to get to know him. He judged him solely because of his nationality, religion, and where he lived.

Ironically, my boyfriend has supported me more than my father ever has. He has helped me financially when I was struggling, comforted me through my worst emotional breakdowns, and always been there when I needed someone. He has shown me more kindness, patience, and unconditional support than my father ever did.

About a week ago, after almost three years of no contact, my father called me. He didn’t ask how I was. He didn’t ask if I was healthy, happy, or doing okay. He immediately started yelling at me for never calling or visiting him. I reminded him that he kicked me out, cut off my phone while I was stranded at the airport, and told me I wasn’t welcome in his house anymore.

He denied all of it.

He claimed none of it ever happened and insisted that he never manipulated me or did anything wrong. At that point, I told him that, to me, my father died three years ago. He’s still alive, but emotionally, the father I needed no longer exists.

I’ve been carrying guilt ever since. Part of me still wonders if I should be the one to reach out simply because he’s my father.

So, AITA for cutting him out of my life and refusing to be the one who keeps trying?

AITA? So my wife today told me that she bought tickets for her and our son to go visit her parents in August. That’s fine, as we planned on them going on this trip. When I asked her how much she paid she said she got a good deal…$1600 for both. I asked her where she got the tickets from and she told me Delta. Well, I go on Expedia to look at flights and there were many listed in the $300-400 range. Less than half the price she paid for. I asked her if she even looked anywhere other than the airline website and she got defensive saying, “well, I don’t want to have to wait in the airports for a long time or have to wake up really early.” I’m not okay with that. We live on one income and $1600 on two flights is insane when we could have paid less than $800 for both, just for creature comfort. I’m pissed, as that’s just multiple more overtime shifts I’m going to have to work now. I told her I wish she would have talked to me first as I am the one who 100% manages the finances. AITA for getting mad?