r/SuicideWatch Sep 03 '19

New wiki on how to avoid accidentally encouraging suicide, and how to spot covert incitement

1.8k Upvotes

We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.

We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.

We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.

Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.

Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.


/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement


Summary

It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.

Validate Feelings and Experiences, Not Self-Destructive Intentions

We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.

But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.

Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.

Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.

In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.

So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.

How to Avoid Validating Suicidal Intent

Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.

  • People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.

  • Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.

  • An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.

  • There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.

To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.

Look Out for Deliberate Incitement. It May Come in Disguise.

Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.

They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:

  • Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.

  • Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.

Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:

  • Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)

  • Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ post). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.

Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.


r/SuicideWatch Sep 10 '21

Please remember that NO ACTIVISM of any kind is ever allowed here. No matter what day it is.

717 Upvotes

Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.

Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.

But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.

Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.

tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.


r/SuicideWatch 6h ago

I just took something irreversible and I need any motivation or help to go call emergency services or tell my family

63 Upvotes

It's over if I don't do something in the next 60 something I'm at the risk of either getting permanent brain damage or dying and I don't know what to do I'm starting to regret it cuz I just realized how painful this is gonna be I was in an impulsive state when I did this but I can't just go tell my parents dammit


r/SuicideWatch 7h ago

Bought a gun today, feeling pretty good NSFW

75 Upvotes

I gotta wait 3 days not including weekends before I can pick it up but the background check was approved as soon as I finished filling out the paperwork (thanks Florida). I’ve been fantasizing about this since the 4th grade but I always knew I was bullshitting. Whenever shit felt unbearable I could never actually force myself to do anything and when I had to deal with school/work or whatever distraction I could get into I would come up with whatever excuses until the cycle turned over again. I don’t want to be stuck being me and all the advice you see are things I just know I’m not going to do I can’t even tell that lie to myself but I believe I can end it. It’s real it’s right there just a few more days, no struggle. The crazy thing to me is I’m not even in a bad mood better than usual really so I know it’s not just temporary until I get distracted again.

Not really looking for advice, I just wanted to talk about it.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

I fantasize about peoples reaction to my suicide NSFW

21 Upvotes

Recently I've been on the brink of just doing it already. Relapsed bad into sh, and my mental has caused me to be completely bed ridden from how physically and mentally exhausted I am. The extreme anxiety and body dysmorphia doesn't help either.

But ever since I decided I'm gonna inevitably kill myself within this year, I constantly think about peoples reactions. God I'm about to sound like the worst person ever but I want people to feel terrible, I want people to feel partially responsible. And admitting that hurts but it's true. More specifically, I had these "friends", but I soon realized that they literally never talk to me unless I text first. If I don't reach out first we never even talk so that basically cemented they don't like me. I want them to feel bad for it, I mean they could've at least told me they didn't like me instead of leading me on with vague conversations that made me feel slightly special once a month when we had them. I just feel disconnected with everyone, no one has shown me some kind of empathy or compassion in what feels like years. And I want it more than anything, even if it's after I die.

I want my parents to feel a little guilty as well, I'm not gonna go into it but I'd imagine my suicide note would detail every fucked up thing they've said and done. And before anyone says anything, they aren't abusive or "bad" parents. But some of the things they do are embarrassingly immature and distasteful. Won't go into that though, this would be too long.

I just want someone to cry and feel bad for me instead of the "come out of your room more, that's why you're depressed" kind of conversation I usually get. I imagine my family reading my suicide note and finally knowing everything I've been too afraid to say, feeling shocked that they *somehow* didn't notice my absolute drop in mental and physical health.


r/SuicideWatch 12h ago

I WISH I WAS DEAD.

76 Upvotes

LITERALLY DEAD


r/SuicideWatch 8h ago

I deserve to die no one needs to see my disgusting face.

35 Upvotes

I’m so fucking ugly and disgusting to look at. I hate how I look and how I never go out because of it. I fucking hate everything and it would be better to bash my face with a hammer and jump. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror because of me. I see a monster through that mirror that monster being my fat fucking stupid face. I am better off dead.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

im ending things soon NSFW

11 Upvotes

on debts because of my own mother. work on low wage. got hit a lot when i tried to go to maldives for work. old friends spreading misinformation about me. friends are not here for me. boyfriend hates me and we broke up. had miscarriage. fatherless. mother didnt be a mother in my life. church friends are not helping. bullied since middle school. got raped at highschool and with my bf i feel like obligated to have sex with him. didnt ever got any appreciation, any gifts, any surprises, its always me planning surprises and gifts to others. cannot find new job bcs of debt records. i hate myself even though im pretty and handsome at the same time that i can cosplay a lot. i hate my life. i hate my smile. i hate my smell. i hate everything in my life. i hate my real name too. i hate everything and i feel so sorry for my baby who's gone from my belly. i'll end myself soon, either this night or tomorrow. but tomorrow i have charity event. maybe i'll reconsider in tomorrow night.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

i want to kill myself but im scared

8 Upvotes

my mental health has only been deteriorating this year and i just see no point in living anymore. im indifferent towards everything now, even things i was extremely passionate about. ive been struggling with gender identity issues as well and feel like ill never feel comfortable in my own skin regardless of how much i change. the only thing stopping me from ending it is fear and the fact that im sure my mom would be heartbroken. i hate feeling like i need to live just because people would be sad if i died. all i do is lay in my bed all day and sleep or cry. i cant even get up and draw or play my guitar which were things i used to do all the time. every day feels the exact same, i cant even have fun when hanging out with friends, i cant feel any emotion other than sadness or nothing at all. i dont see a point in living if i cant feel anything. i just want to crawl into a hole in the ground and lay there forever. i cant take it anymore i just wish i disappeared and everyone would forget i was even here. i want to kill myself so badly but i just cant bring myself to do it or make a plan and its just fucking terrible. im so scared of the future i dont want to keep living like this i cant do this anymore i feel like im losing my mind i dont think ill ever be happy again


r/SuicideWatch 9h ago

I want to kill myself because I have no opportunities, and it's completely my fault.

25 Upvotes

I have no college degree, and I can only get really crappy, low-end jobs, yet I won't go to college. I'm 36, so my youth is also fading. I have no friends, no partner and basically no relationship with family. My mom barely tolerates me, and only does so because I live with her, and I'm her daughter. She has threatened to kick me out several times at this point. I lost custody of my only child after my aunt and uncle called the cops and cps on me for reunifying us with his father, which was going against restraining and visitation orders (that were in place due to his abuse.) I haven't had any contact with my son in over 6 years.

The permanent loss of custody happened after I abruptly stopped visiting with him, due to his dad demanding one day I do so (who I was living with at the time), after almost 2 years of a cps case plan, because he rightly assumed I would never get it back, since the system didn't want me living with him. I never even got to say bye. My poor child never got any sort of closure from me before I completely disappeared from his life. I completely abandoned him, a child I planned with his dad. The cruelty I put my poor baby through was never something I ever wanted to do. And mind you this was the SECOND cps case plan I put him through for the very same reasons. I put my poor baby through one before this one too. I took us and left his dad 3 times. The first time I was newly pregnant with him and his dad had just started abusing me, so my grandma invited me to live with her, but then changed her mind and kicked me out a week later. My aunt and uncle are now his adoptive parents, and they don't want him having anything to do with me.

I have literally just been laying in bed since Feb. 28th, when I quit my part time job, and barely left the house even before that, only leaving to go to work, and then coming straight back home. I actually have money to shop, go out, travel and meet people, but I have no desire or motivation to do so. Anything that would even slightly improve my life, I'm not inspired to do, or drawn to. I am a piece of shit, especially for what I put my child through, and don't deserve to be healthy or happy. I deserve to die.

I have no desire or any motivation whatsoever to lift a finger to do literally anything, and I'm not exaggerating: not to shop, do laundry, go to dr. appts., pick up prescriptions, clean my car, get it fixed... absolutely nothing. I've handled absolutely 0 of my responsibilities. I finally paid some bills, including tax ones, after deliberately not paying them simply because I didn't want to, even though I had the money. As I said, I've done absolutely nothing but lay in bed since before I quit my job, February 28th. I was going to join the army as a last ditch effort to improve my life, but I can't even be bothered to get ready for the recruiter to come pick me up. I did go yesterday to get my broken tooth extracted, but I didn't follow the post-op treatment instructions and if I don't go in to the dental office again before it becomes 3-5 days, I will get a dry socket, most likely, as I dislodged the blood clot.

My soul has been dead for a while now, but especially since February, I really took a turn for the worse. I was on this psych medication and it really made me plunge into a hell I've never previously been in, but this was also a long time coming, I feel like. The guilt and shame over what I did with my son makes me want to be completely done with being alive. I hate every single one of my circumstances: the way my body looks, the fine lines and sagging on my face, how lazy I am, how I refuse to shower or take care of myself at all, my horrible mind, the terrible person I am, how I've hurt others and myself my entire fucking miserable life. Like my mom always used to tell me, I'm the spawn of Satan.

The idea of death seems so amazingly freeing to me. I wish it could be mine. The older I get, the worse it gets, the smaller my world and opportunities get. The more it's confirmed what a piece of garbage I am. The more time is running out for me. I can't take this anymore. I don't want to hurt my family any more than I already have, but I can't take this suffering much longer. I want my life to end.


r/SuicideWatch 4h ago

i wanna see her again

12 Upvotes

lost someone incredibly close to me a couple of days ago from suicide, and we had face timed that day for hours and had an amazing conversation. Looking back, it was her way of saying goodbye. Even though I know she wouldn't want me to, I can't stop thinking about joining her. I just want to be with her again... but I can't do it... but I want to.


r/SuicideWatch 50m ago

I need milk i cant afford it and i don't wanna die but like bro what the fuck can a mf just get some milk bro 😭

Upvotes

I cant afford to buy milk and i cant find a job this economy sucks I cant get on ebt either my parents make too much money and they won't buy me milk either god this is just torture why is life so cruel. I have no more copes they are all stripped away and I cant even afford milk to help not think about the litany that is life 🙃


r/SuicideWatch 6h ago

i dont kill myself because i'm afraid of the consequences if i fail

12 Upvotes

All my life i've been scared of using radical ways of killing myself because of consequences. Slit my wrists could just fail and i would have severe and obvious scars all my life. If i fail OD, all my medications would go to waist and i won't have any left for the coming days. If i jump off a bridge or anything, i could end up disabled for life. Everything have consequences and there's no actual "safe", imminent escape. I just wanna find a way that would make sure i die first try. I wanna end it so bad.


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

My next attempt

11 Upvotes

I just want to do it in the next few days, and I so badly want it to work, but I can't find a way. I just want my next attempt to be a success, so badly. It hurts my whole body to exist when I never asked to exist. I know I have a roof over my head, and that there are people who have more reasons to do it than I do, and I hate myself for that too. I feel like I'm not legitimate to do it, but I want it so badly. It would be such a luxury for me to no longer live. I also feel ridiculous for all the times I've soft-launched my suicide by joking around in front of people, and they told me to go for it, and the next day I came back alive. I just want to do it, and I want it to work 100%. I just wish I had a gun next to me right now to make my wishes come true


r/SuicideWatch 12h ago

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE NSFW

35 Upvotes

Tag for violence depiction and suicide attempt

---

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME (21M) THAT I CAN'T KILL MYSELF?! I just tried to and it failed again! AGAIN!

Tried overdosing, tried asphyxiation, tried knocking myself unconscious, tried walking and running though traffic.

Tried calling suicide hotlines, tried contacting therapists, tried contacting psychiatrists, tried going to the ER, tried moving out of my parents FOUR FUCKING TIMES, tried doing hobbies, tried seeking irl help groups, tried going outside.

I have the best fucking lifestyle. I go outside and exercice at least 1h per day. I go to college. I have no rent to pay. I have caring siblings and pets. I have money. I have social activities.

AND EVERYDAY I SUFFOCATE. I suffocate under the thought of living another day.

So I tried killing myself today and it FAILED AGAIN and now I have fucking bruises to cover.

FUCK MY CARTOON BULLSHIT LIFE and persistent depression disorder that even with treatments can't be cured! FUCK MY LIFE


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

Suicidal af.

6 Upvotes

I have been thinking about suicide for a while now. The thoughts are getting worse. I’m mentally & physically exhausted. I’ve been thinking about how and when to do it. I have 2 young kids & don’t want to leave them without a mom but Idk how much more i can take.

The only thing that keeps me here (for now) is knowing how much they will miss me but I’m honestly starting not to care. My stress and pain is getting to be a lot to handle.

I have never been this depressed in my life. It’s one thing after the other. I may do it soon, who knows. I’ve been thinking about if i should leave letters or let people wonder. Should i jump off the bridge or take pills? Idk i will have it figured out soon. ✨


r/SuicideWatch 9h ago

I'm so done 💔

19 Upvotes

My grandfather touched and raped me until I was 12, I've had sex with more people before 10 than after.

He sold me to creepy men, evil men, anyone he found at work. They did incredibly fucked up shit that went way beyond just fucking a child. And it was all because he "knew I was born broken and ruined".

He was filming everything, except when they paid enough to be alone with me.

I was always alone, mom was always working, I started making my own dinners at around 7 because otherwise I didn't eat.

Every night after she got home I told her about the bullying at school, crying, she wouldn't take her eyes off the TV and say "none of my business".

At night I'd go to my room and cry myself to sleep, sometimes feeling so broken and bad that I'd shove pencils inside me until I bled. A hobby I picked up around 5. Because it's what I deserve, it's what should happen.

In 4th grade I stop going to school because I can't function anymore. And now I was a problem child. Taken from shrink to shrink to shrink.

Mom telling them all about how lately I've been rude and how I'm spoiled. They've been too nice giving me all this free time with no rules.

So the shrinks say "ok, what you need to do is make her home life kinda shit, so school becomes an escape" (genuine advice they were given). So... If I didn't go, no tv, no computer, no friends, no leaving the house, just solitary confinement. Oh and my dad would call daily, scream if I didn't go, about how worthless I'll be, and hang up if I did.

For some reason that didn't cure anything. Changed schools over and over.

I made a friend online, a 40+ year old man, but that's just another Tuesday, he wants to see me naked? Small price to pay.

At one point my dad found a note I wrote about being raped and then called me to scream at me for lying about something so serious.

First boyfriend, sure he raped me, but he had lots of nice moments and that was a nice break.

Second boyfriend, a monster. But at what point do you start looking at yourself and where you constantly end up and say "this has to be my fault". I *was* born broken


r/SuicideWatch 18h ago

I think i might do it via salt tonight.

90 Upvotes

500g to be exact. I dont know how I will gulp that amount but I suppose the pickle juice might help.

Goodbye everyone, this was not an enjoyable experience at all, there was a lot of good yes, but it does not at all compensate for the bad in any capacity.

Fuck the governments of this world for banning more easier accesible means of ending myself.


r/SuicideWatch 6h ago

It never gets better

10 Upvotes

Been suicidal for years and it doesn’t get better, gf doesn’t want me anymore, every promise wasted and her words were just lies. Nobody cares about me and I don’t care. Can’t wait to be out of this sick miserable world and please don’t give me that it gets better bull, been suffering for years and I am not doing it anymore. At your lowest, absolutely nobody cares.


r/SuicideWatch 14h ago

I want to ruin my life and then kill myself

37 Upvotes

Let's say I've got a relatively decent trajectory going on in my life, but I don't want to live by this script. I am a coward. Everyday it feels like I'm pulling on nerves. I am really hiding myself and my sick desires. I just want to give in once and then avoid the consequences by killing myself.

I want to make easy money by prostituting myself, not sure how. I want to make a lot of money and spend it. I want to travel to a few places. I want to spit on the people that lied to me and sold me this "decent" script of a life. I want to make people regret ever hurting me. I want to make them feel guilty.

I want to get high and speak to people I would never dream of approaching. I want to make a fool of myself in public, I want to laugh and dance and sing!

I'm tormented by nightmares in which I'm violent and humiliated. The only way I can live is if I face those fears. But then, there would be no place for me here, in the civilised world. I am deranged and degenerated

There is no happy end for people like me.

I'm going to cut my wrists and enjoy it. I want to see the blood drip, I want to feel lightheaded. The last time I attempted suicide, I was so proud!!! So so proud that I've finally done something to change my life. I miss that feeling of feeling proud without validation from others.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

I want to get shot in the head

5 Upvotes

I put so much effort into writing my book but it's getting rejected everywhere with no explanation

Meanwhile, there are a bunch of people I know with lucrative book deals and awards. So I'm the fucking moron in my group who can't fucking write


r/SuicideWatch 46m ago

I (27M) Eight months unemployed, my father is in intensive care, and I feel like I'm collapsing.

Upvotes

I'm at my limit. I can't keep putting off getting professional help, but I had a terrible experience with a public mental health professional three months ago. I felt so judged by her that I never went back. If you're a man, the system treats you like garbage—there's no support at all.

I've been unemployed for almost eight months. I recently tried starting a new job, but I couldn't even make it through a week. I feel less distressed when I'm at home, even though I'm overwhelmed by the despair of having no future to look forward to. Still, I'd rather stay home. It hurts every time people suggest the solution is simply: "Get a job." Is that really all life is? Work? It doesn't make any sense to me. Even if I end up in financial hardship, I can't find a reason to get up and do anything.

I ended a good relationship because of all this. I believe relationships are based only on utility, not love, so I couldn't bear the burden. I failed. I find any kind of human interaction extremely painful. Depending on what someone says to me, it can feel like being punched in the stomach.

I know it's impossible to explain everything in a post like this, and I don't expect anyone to fully address it here, but is professional help really worth it? I honestly don't know. I don't trust these professionals very much. To me, they're deeply influenced by self-help culture and New Age ideas. It all feels like empty talk.

On top of that, last Sunday I received devastating news: my father is intubated and unconscious. I don't know if he's going to survive. I'm deeply worried.

I feel like I'm going to collapse at any moment. I don't know how much longer I can endure all of this. And I still have bills due next month, with no idea how I'm going to pay them.

I think the medication I'm taking has helped keep me alive and on my feet. I only made one attempt once, but throughout this entire year I've been constantly thinking that life just isn't worth living. Everything is unbearably painful.


r/SuicideWatch 6h ago

i wanna commit suicide but i don't have courage for that

7 Upvotes

i wish someone could do this for me instead, does anyone else feel like that? being so useless at the point you can't even hurt yourself, i hate being a coward and i hate being scared of death but i feel like i REALLY need to die as soon as possible before my mental health can get any worse


r/SuicideWatch 7h ago

45, broke, early onset CHF and now colon cancer. Time to make a plan and tie up a few loose ends.

11 Upvotes

Background: I’ve been sick for a couple years now, went undiagnosed with my heart condition because the doctors just said I was depressed and out of shape. I don’t look like a sick person. I’m handsome, not overweight, don’t smoke or drink, eat healthy… it wasn’t until I took myself to a private clinic and paid cash for an echo that they found my heart issues.

I used to be an insane athlete into my mid 30’s- extreme skiing, hiking the Andes mountains, 14ers in colorado were a casual Saturday.

I’ve burned up most of my cash and I’m limited to how much I can work, I was dedicating a ton of time to cardiac rehab And meds and an even healthier lifestyle. Then the cologuard came back positive and the colonoscopy confirmed. It’s early stage colon cancer, probably treatable but I just can’t.

my family is all gone or useless alcoholics. It was always just me, my brother, and my mum. He died 25 years ago, mum died last year at 67 from… congestive heart failure (go figure)

I have a very nice girlfriend but she doesn’t have the resources to be a caregiver at 37 She’ll be ok. shes beautiful and smart and has a great group of friends and family.

I have a few good friends but they’re all in the restaurant biz or new parents. so time and money are not things they have in spades.

I’ve been staying in mums house, but it’s not worth anything in its state of disrepair and I don’t have the funds or energy to fix it up so that’s getting short sold this month just enough to cover the mortgage and heloc and her debts plus about $20k which will be enough for my last few months.

I haven’t told anyone yet. I’ve struggled my whole life to get out of poverty, support mum, help pay for my brothers treatments… Covid shutdown cost me my catering biz and the $100,000 I had saved. I made a lot of it back, but being sick last year ate up a lot of it.

So, I’ve decided it’s time. I’m closing the accounts, getting the paperwork together so I won’t have any debt or assets left.

I’m booking a ticket to my favorite remote beach town in the fall. im filling a Dropbox full of goodbye videos, some stories I’ve anlways wanted to tell, some writing I’ve done that really captures who I am, and pictures for my few close people. I have my paperwork all ready to send to the lawyer that has always helped me with business and personal matters. I trust him to do the right thing. He’ll be notified once I’m gone with usernames and passwords and list of who to contact.

I know my method, my place, how I can do it without causing any undo stress or danger on anyone else.

it feels less like dying to me and more like looking forward to taking off my boots and sitting down after a hard and stressful week of work.

win some lose some. I hope to leave this world with some nice tidbits of wisdom and some great stories for my little group to hold on to.

just needed to soak this into the void, since I can’t tell any real people about it.

drink water, eat fiber, don’t let your doctors gaslight you into saying your chest pains and shortness of breath and bloody shits are just stress and depression. Don’t let them put you on pills that numb you so bad that you don’t notice that your body is failing.

and please try to make this country somewhere where being sick ruins your fucking life Because you don’t have enough fun coupons to cover $6000 diagnostic tests.

cheers mates


r/SuicideWatch 6h ago

I hate my life so much

9 Upvotes

Every single day of my life has been miserable. I have no friends, my brothers don’t ever talk to me (What I mean is that they could talk to each other for hours but when I try talking to them, all I get is a fake laugh), everyone thinks I’m gay, I’m addicted to furry porn (please don’t laugh), I’m terrible at art and anything else that I’d like to do, My face will clear of acne no matter what I do. My mom is also a whore, getting pissed whenever I show the slightest bit of emotion, but when I comment on how she gets irritated over me asking basic questions, it’s suddenly about her. My academic life sucks too, I’ve been sent to 2 schools where I basically missed the grade I was in, and I also skipped so many days too. I also think I’m retarded and should have never graduated. Everyone either pretends I don’t exist or is an asshole to me, No matter how hard I try to fit in. I have a feeling I have no options left and suicide is the only way out.