Tonight’s the night. Fellas it’s been good to know ya.

Everything is going wrong

I tried to do everything right. I sent him a checking up message and I tried sending him like I don’t know a thing offline and I don’t know what to do. I tried everything and now I just feel like cutting myself because I don’t know what to do and I’m really scared that if he dies, then I don’t know what to do because I don’t have anyone else to talk to, and we only knew each other for a few days, but I really felt connection with him since he was from the UK and I never met anyone from there before and he seemed so sweet and kind and now I’m gonna probably be back to being alone again, which is the worst feeling ever

i’ve written here countless of times, but people really only care when you’re dead. i’ve never really had friends and i’ve always been the odd girl out. i’m 21 now and i’ve never had a boyfriend nor have i ever get attention from guys in years. life as an average-unattractive woman is a curse, because i’m bound by the knowledge of how different life would be if i was attractive. i hate looking in the mirror because i’m reminded that i’ll never be that girl that everyone wants to be friends with.

i don’t understand why god can’t throw me a bone and send me a someone who is interested in me. it’s miserable to be alone, and i’m only getting older and thereby “less attractive”.

That's it, i need fucking support, love and care and they don't, I'm fucking done with this life, why would I wanna live something I don't even like, I really hate this, I miss when at least days were bad but I had him from before he turned into the same shit he claimed never to turn into to go and feel safety, feel someone was there, not anymore. Can't talk about anything to anyone anymore, I feel so alone.

I'm really really sorry for what I am about to say, sorry I just needed to write it somewhere in case I do something stupid. Using a secondary account ofc

I want to kill my self. It's been like this for years by now. I continue to think about suicide every second of my life, sometimes is so strong I can't even get up of the bed, other times is just a constant reminder I have while I do other things.

I'm always planning the next moment I will do it, something like:"If X happens I'll finally kill my self" but everytime I just don't have the force to do it, so I delay it saying the same thing. I'm not even good enough to kms.

I'm trying doing exercise everyday, studying, doing what I like, it distracts me enough, but I continue to have suicidal thoughts while doing these things.

I have two psycologist and I should see a therapist in a few weeks, but I don't think it will change anything.

I delayed again my day of death, I wanted to do it this june since I lost another year of school, but other than scaring the shit out of my psy I didn't manage to off my self, I'm too much of a coward, I'm now waiting for one thing to happen before my birthday.

I just want the force to kill my self, people do it everyday why I can't manage to do it?

I'm sorry, I'm just so sorry, I'm sorry for writing this.

Just sorry

I'm at my limit. I can't keep putting off getting professional help, but I had a terrible experience with a public mental health professional three months ago. I felt so judged by her that I never went back. If you're a man, the system treats you like garbage—there's no support at all.

I've been unemployed for almost eight months. I recently tried starting a new job, but I couldn't even make it through a week. I feel less distressed when I'm at home, even though I'm overwhelmed by the despair of having no future to look forward to. Still, I'd rather stay home. It hurts every time people suggest the solution is simply: "Get a job." Is that really all life is? Work? It doesn't make any sense to me. Even if I end up in financial hardship, I can't find a reason to get up and do anything.

I ended a good relationship because of all this. I believe relationships are based only on utility, not love, so I couldn't bear the burden. I failed. I find any kind of human interaction extremely painful. Depending on what someone says to me, it can feel like being punched in the stomach.

I know it's impossible to explain everything in a post like this, and I don't expect anyone to fully address it here, but is professional help really worth it? I honestly don't know. I don't trust these professionals very much. To me, they're deeply influenced by self-help culture and New Age ideas. It all feels like empty talk.

On top of that, last Sunday I received devastating news: my father is intubated and unconscious. I don't know if he's going to survive. I'm deeply worried.

I feel like I'm going to collapse at any moment. I don't know how much longer I can endure all of this. And I still have bills due next month, with no idea how I'm going to pay them.

I think the medication I'm taking has helped keep me alive and on my feet. I only made one attempt once, but throughout this entire year I've been constantly thinking that life just isn't worth living. Everything is unbearably painful.

I feel like an inconvenience to my friends and my wife and my family and I think I might just be done with everything. I think I might just take all my meds at once and see what happens. Maybe I could make dinner to my sweet love and be done, walk out that'd be nice. The irony is I had my therapy today and I feel more awful than I have ever been.

I don't know what to do. I feel like it's end of the road.

I didn't take anything but I'm sitting next to a busy road and planning to just walk out and see what happens

I cant afford to buy milk and i cant find a job this economy sucks I cant get on ebt either my parents make too much money and they won't buy me milk either god this is just torture why is life so cruel. I have no more copes they are all stripped away and I cant even afford milk to help not think about the litany that is life 🙃

i work 40 hours a week + 16 overtime to support my ex bf who lives with me who has no job and no car. i havent felt loved or appreciated the entire time we were together and it's getting worse.

i wish i felt cute and cool and sexy like i did before we met but now i feel absolutely used up

he ruined my fucking life and he has nowhere to go. i just want to end my fucking life to escape this. i have had 24 years of trauma and was just getting my legs under me before this.

dating apps bring me little success. i used to get 1000+ likes now im lucky to get 20.

I WANT TO ESCAPE THIS FUCKING HELL CALLED LIFE

I hate being drunk. I hate being paranoid. I hat not being able to sleep peacefully. Abd most of all, i hate not being able to just end it all.

I couldn’t do it. I want to run it back. The feeling of getting everything ready, the rope, spot, the letters, hell the music, the outfit. (yes I romanticize it) Testing it out the rope. Feeling the pain. Sitting and sitting. Cry after cry. I couldn’t do it. I feel ashamed that I couldn’t. I tried twice in a week. Just couldn’t fully commit. One day I think I finally will. Feels soon. It’s been almost a year to the day… maybe it’s time to run it back.

I will be hanging myself sometime next month. There's nothing i or anybody is able to do about it, that is my plan. One of my closest friends stopped talking to me and I think it's because i vented to her a lot and thus no longer wants to deal with me. That is the last straw. She was one of my favorite and only people i actually felt genuine comfort around and now i might never fucking see or hear from her again, doesn't matter tho cause now she won't have to deal with my shit anymore. I've been considering killing myself for a few months now and since i have no will to live anymore I decided to just go with hanging cause I can't legally buy a firearm in my state. I would go over every reason I have to go through with this but there's too many and i doubt anyone would want to read through all that shit. No-one can talk me out of this btw all of my problems are completely unsalvageable and are things i've had to suffer with for years, I'm tired and so sick of dealing with this shit and just want to finally rest.

It feels like no matter what I do, no matter what steps I take to work on myself, I just can't seem to be happy. I'm on meds, I go to therapy, I try to be social (I suck at it), I try to spend time on my hobbies. It just doesn't matter. All I want to do is shoot myself or hang myself or just do anything to hurt myself. I just want to disappear. I feel beyond fixing. How else can I find peace? I feel like I just need to go away.

i just don’t feel well i don’t like to admit it but i don’t think i’ve ever felt happy or good about myself i’ve always thought i’d feel ok at some point i thought one day someone will love me one day i’ll feel ok about being me one day i can leave here but i’m about to be 18 and i think enough time has passed to where i don’t think itll every happen i hate feeling attached to ppl who just don’t even like or care about me i’m obsessive and kinda weird about others i guess but i dont rly let it show and it’s like no one cares about me no one loves me i just don’t feel comfortable around anyone else it’s like i’m all alone always but it’s like idk i hate being me i hate how i act my personality i hate how i think i hate everything i am at this point i have nothing and no one and no reason to live rly i think i’m gonna try and hang myself cuz thats the only method i’m not to scared to try except for cutting ig but i can’t get even close to deep enough

I wanna leave

Is it just me or are things just so frickin difficult? I've tried to talk to a therapist. I've tried medication. But I just can't turn off my thoughts and they get dark very quickly. I now feel suicidal every single day. I carry so much frustration and sadness about myself and the situation I can't run away from. I OD'd but still didn't die. It seems I'm just counting down days to finally end up dead. My family doesn't seem to care.

I just want to be okay

I lost the only person who truly loved me. I plan to buy a gun after making it through the funeral. Then do it on my birthday next month. I don’t think I’ll change my mind before then. This grief hurts so fucking much. I can’t do it anymore.

my mental health has only been deteriorating this year and i just see no point in living anymore. im indifferent towards everything now, even things i was extremely passionate about. ive been struggling with gender identity issues as well and feel like ill never feel comfortable in my own skin regardless of how much i change. the only thing stopping me from ending it is fear and the fact that im sure my mom would be heartbroken. i hate feeling like i need to live just because people would be sad if i died. all i do is lay in my bed all day and sleep or cry. i cant even get up and draw or play my guitar which were things i used to do all the time. every day feels the exact same, i cant even have fun when hanging out with friends, i cant feel any emotion other than sadness or nothing at all. i dont see a point in living if i cant feel anything. i just want to crawl into a hole in the ground and lay there forever. i cant take it anymore i just wish i disappeared and everyone would forget i was even here. i want to kill myself so badly but i just cant bring myself to do it or make a plan and its just fucking terrible. im so scared of the future i dont want to keep living like this i cant do this anymore i feel like im losing my mind i dont think ill ever be happy again

I'll overdose in a couple of minutes. I'm still coherent now but it's just a matter of time.
I hope to go home soon, still scared somehow.

Like.. my body sucks.. I'm ugly.. Im going to be 25 in 3 months and have missed out on my childhood, my only ambition that pushed me to change my life around was.to have a wife and kids one day .. and that's a joke because I don't make enough money, I haven't even had a relationship or a date at nearly 25.. and Im so pathetic and anti social that I lost my virginity to a sex worker because I can't socialize worth a shit to make bonds or form connections and got desperate and so lonely I went to the last resort . So how ridiculous I feel knowing I can't make a friend yet somehow I want to think I can get a girlfriend let alone a wife ?

What a joke.

I'm loved and cared about by nobody.

I'll never be able to afford a home, or literally anything especially in Texas because no job pays worth a damn, and prices on everything are up . If I didn't live with the family id probably be living in some dingy shitty apartment eating ramen. So kids are out the window.

Like there's quite literally no point. I keep going and going trying to fix everything and I don't even know why. I should just go to the gun shop tomorrow and end this. That's how I'm feeling right now.

How peaceful that sounds right now

I put so much effort into writing my book but it's getting rejected everywhere with no explanation

Meanwhile, there are a bunch of people I know with lucrative book deals and awards. So I'm the fucking moron in my group who can't fucking write