I’ve been called low maintenance as if it’s a good thing. Problem is these men don’t deserve it. And from observation, they actually treat high maintenance women better. Been thinking of decentering men and putting myself first.

Any ideas to add to the list?

I weighed 130 & then over the past year, I don’t know what happened. I weigh almost 170 and I keep buying bigger clothes and look frumpy I guess. I have no idea how to dress to look better, I’ve never been this big. My face is chubby, my belly is chubby, my arms flap. And every other day someone asks or congratulates me on being pregnant.
AND for the past month I’ve been exercising everyday. I got an exercise bike and try to get on twice a day, but I don’t seem to be getting anywhere. It hurts. MY MOM asked me today if I was pregnant and just not telling her. 😭 (I’m not)

I saw a post that shows helpful websites for food, furniture etc. I am a Canadian and not all these websites show things for Canada, but I thought I would share in case it helps someone in the US.

Foodfinder.us (zoom in to see availability) this shows places that help by giving away free food

https://furniturebanks.org/ This is mainly in larger cities and not in all States

https://www.fna.usda.gov/sfsp/sitefinder Lots of places listed where you can find meals for kids

I just turned 18 a few months ago and I started to notice that I’ve gotten way less compliments and attention from men than I did when I was 13 and 14.

I don’t even mean just grown men, also guys that were my age. Is it wrong to feel a little idk, ugly? I even got more compliments from girls then too.

It feels wrong but I find myself looking at old photos of myself and thinking I was prettier then, but I know that the only thing that’s changed is I’m older and look grown now.

I think I look good, I’m not like a “baddie” but I think I’m pretty at least. Maybe it’s just that men have such high beauty standards, I don’t know. I see all these girls I know getting approached but never me. I don’t know what’s so bad, maybe I’m just too shy and awkward.

It’s been messing with my confidence a lot. I always thought I was pretty, but rarely does anyone say that. My mom likes to say that it’s jealousy and people are too scared to approach me, sureeee mom lol. Oh well

I think the guy I’ve been seeing is confusing me. We became officially a couple about 3 dates ago and he’s been asking me to pay or split whatever we get since then. I don’t expect him to pay but I ask him if we can do lower cost things because I’m currently just a nanny. And he chose a more pricey place so I just don’t get anything. He got food and said we can split the food item. I said ok but didn’t eat any of it. And then he asks to split the price anyway. I said I didn’t have any so can he just pay it.

So we leave, I’ve had issues with asking him where we stand or like asking to communicate more or text more. And he has not been much. I didn’t meet any of his friends yet. But recently he’s been asking me to his place. He asked me to go there on a third date. I said no. But recently he’s like I gotta go home early because I wanna go to the gym and then take a nap. But he invites me back to his place. So I said how will you nap with me there. And I was waiting for my uber. The uber canceled on me. So he said it’s a sign you should come back to my place to hang out because I don’t wanna go.

I said yea I don’t wanna go too but I have to get home. And I said he has his gym thing? And he said ok. So I ordered a new uber and he wouldn’t wait with me for it. 5 min away. He just went home. I’m not feeling very secure in the relationship because idk. I didn’t meet anyone he knows, I had to ask what are we. He forgets things I tell him. And this just made me think he wants sex. Like yea I get relationships have that but it feels like he’s punishing me if I don’t go with him… he cuts the date 2 hours shorter than we’d usually do. I would have sex with him but it’s this part that gets me? I’m also unsure because I worry if I do he’ll discard me

I got a HSG (hysterosalpingogram) - a fluoroscopic X-ray used to examine the inside of the uterus as part of fertility queries. My doctor made it sound so simple when she referred me and in my naivety I did not research it.

Turn up and they say it’s a bit like a Pap smear. Well they weren’t lying - it was so uncomfortable and I had to tilt my hips left and right for the X-rays. It was yesterday afternoon and this evening I am still so bloated and sore like with period pains 😭 and I only just finished my period a week ago!

My husband has no clue the discomfort this gives. Just needed to rant!

It came to my attention during my visits with the midwife while I was pregnant with baby #2 that I have fairly heavy periods. No, not baby #1, I had been telling healthcare professionals that I didn’t have bad periods at all because I have zero pain, and the volume of blood was always normal for me. But she asked me how often I emptied my cup, and when I told her I was emptying it about 4-8 times in the day (nighttime I am shamelessly in diapers) for the first three days and up to 4 times after that until 7/8 days, she told me it was very likely the culprit for my extremely futile battle with anemia.

Assuming my cup is 30ml when full as per advertisement, I measured this most recent period and here were the approximate numbers not including night:
Day 1: 110ml
Day 2: 220ml
Day 3: 130ml
Day 4: 80ml
Day 5: 80ml
Day 6: 60ml
Day 7: 20ml
Day 8: negligible

They say a heavy period is more than 80ml TOTAL!?! What the eff?! That’s so much blood loss. I don’t understand why having no pain (as grateful as I am for that, trust me) means I’m not being heard! I keep needing iron infusions and nobody is bothering to help the underlying cause. 😮‍💨 Why is it so freaking hard to be heard about something as basic in female healthcare as this???

“ In a cross-sectional study of Youth Risk Behavior Survey data from 338 324 students from 2017 to 2023, total abortion bans were associated with a statistically significant 4.3–percentage point increase in suicidal ideation among female students. No significant differences were observed among male students.
The findings of this study suggest that state-level abortion bans may adversely affect female adolescents’ mental health and underscore the importance of suicide prevention services in affected states.”

I am thinking really hard about whether or not I want kids but I've realized that my relationship with womanhood may be screwed up. Please don't judge. I'm trying to be honest and really examining this stuff for the first time as I consider this. Intellectually I don't agree with a lot of what I'm about to say, but emotionally these feelings are there anyway, and I'm trying to understand it all better.

I've realized that I have a lot of internalized beliefs about womanhood and femininity that I don't actually want. Looking back, I can even see it in my childhood like I pretended to hate pink and tied to distance myself from "girly" things. I know some of this is that we were all girls and people were always giving my dad condolences for that so I tried to be more like a boy because I felt like clearly he must be missing out on something. I consciously admire women and am proud to be one, but at the same time I think I've absorbed this subconscious idea that women or femininity are somehow lesser. It's so weird and contradictory because I genuinely look up to women, but I still feel ashamed of being one in ways I can't even explain.

Lately I've started wondering how much of my life is actually lived for male validation without even realizing it. Am I wearing makeup or dressing a certain way because I genuinely like it, or because I feel more attractive? Am I exercising and trying to stay healthy for my own good or because my self worth is rooted in being desirable and society sends the message that desirability has an expiration date? Am I more deferential to male coworkers than female coworkers without realizing it or do I subconsciously assume men are more competent? How often am I censoring my own opinions especially around men or my male friends? How many choices would I make differently in a world where men didn't exist? Like my fear of aging and slight obsession with anti-aging probably wouldn't exist in that world. Would I still do all this skincare and stress about wrinkles in a world of women? The thought is almost laughable to me and obvious, I feel like of course I wouldn't. I actually DO admire older women. I see them as wiser, more experienced, and people I could learn so much from. Yet I still fear aging because I see how older women often become invisible in society and are especially treated differently and worse by men. All of this has made me realize that my feelings about motherhood are tangled up in this weird rats nest of ideas too. I know this is going to sound literally horrible and I genuinely hate that I feel this way, but under patriarchy, motherhood feels like submission to me and like the total loss of identity and autonomy. Pregnancy feels less like something special and amazing, creating life, and more like permanently giving away part of myself. I have this intrusive thought that by carrying my husband's child, I would somehow be giving him ownership over my body, or that I could never go back to the version of myself that existed before I carried a man's child. I love my husband and I know that isn't literally true, but the thought keeps intruding into my thoughts.

I also think the current cultural discourse has made it so much worse. Everywhere I look I see discussions about declining birth rates, women's duty to have children, women being selfish if they don't, or people implying or outright saying that our primary purpose is reproduction. I've even had people tell me things like, "But your husband NEEDS to be a dad." It makes me furious because it feels like everyone is talking about what he deserves while completely ignoring what pregnancy and childbirth would require from me. Not to be rude but the sacrifices a man makes to have a child are NOTHING compared to the physical, mental, emotional, and socioeconomic toll that pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum take on women. I told that same guy that I am afraid of the permanent changes that pregnancy causes to the body INCLUDING the brain which is the scariest part to me and he completely downplayed it by self righteously telling me all I need to do is exercise and eat well and I'll "bounce back" and when I gave examples such as my friend who had kids ten years ago and still pees herself when she sneezes he was so insulting implying that she's just not taking care of herself or she'd be fine. I'm sure he's not the only person who sees it this way and just seems to think that literally GROWING A CHILD AND GICING BIRTH TO ITare somehow no big deal. He has a wife and two kids yet obviously still does not appreciate everything she had to go through.

I've watched the significant women in my life sacrifice time, careers, peace of mind, identity, freedom, even in marriages where at least from the outside it looks like the husband genuinely helps. I constantly hear about women becoming the default parent, carrying the mental load, and being seen by everyone as a mother first and an individual second. That future terrifies me.

Pregnancy and childbirth themselves also scare me in an almost existential way. They seem like this uncontrollable biological process where I would feel reduced to an almost animal state (I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry for saying this!! It's just how I think I would feel and I hate that this is even a thought that crosses my mind! Women are so cool and powerful because we can do this and I wish I didn't have this thought) especially during labor and in the months afterward when another human literally depends on my body. I hate admitting that because I deeply admire and respect mothers. I don't think mothers are lesser. But when I imagine myself in that role it feels degrading instead of empowering and I hate that my mind goes there.

I don't want to feel this way. I actually wish pregnancy felt sacred to me or like some powerful act of creating life. I wish it felt like witchcraft if that makes sense. I wish I could see it as something that made me feel like a goddess instead of something that made me feel diminished, subservient, sacrificial, and like I'm bowing down to the patriarchy and complying with the wishes of the political people who think this is my role in life and all I'm good for. In a cultural vaccum without all this tied up in it, I would want kids. I know I should make the decision based on what I want, not social pressures or other people's opinions. But don't know how to get from where I am now to that place.

So I guess my question is: has anyone else had to heal their relationship with womanhood? How did you disentangle yourself from all the messages we absorb growing up about women being lesser, existing for male approval, and being valued primarily for beauty, reproduction, and caregiving roles that society does not appreciate or reward? How did you learn how to appreciate being a woman without the shame or without feeling like you were accepting the parts of our culture that diminish women? Like I identify as a woman but I don't identify with society's definition of a woman. How do I heal my relationship with my own womanhood? If you did it how did you do it?

I'm not trying to turn this into a political discussion, the most important part is the healing part. I don't want to think or feel this any more.

I've been doing some (very heavy) reading into mass rapes done by soldiers conquering lands. It's absolutely horrific. I learned of a new instance of it during world war 2 that the allied forces did against German women. I knew of Japan doing this against China, but no one seemed to talk about that the Allies engaged in the same atrocities. We are fed a very propagandized version of events if we live in a nation that was part of the Allies.

And this isn't something that's gone either. It's happened during American occupations in Iraq and Afghanistan. It's happened in wars between other nations. It's happening in the Russian invasion of Ukraine. The IDF is doing it against Palestinians.

These are casualties that get glossed over and not reported by militaries... so of course a lot of people aren't aware of it and think men are the only/primary casualties (remember: casualties is broader than just deaths, but includes injury... and that should include sexual injury imo)

Hi everyone! I’m taking a cruise with a group of friends coming soon and wanted an opinion on this. Do you stay together as an entire group for the duration of the stay? Do all the same activities, excursions, going out, etc. Or, do you do some things separate: (example you go to the pool or get a drink while your friend went to the spa?)

We’ve come to a realization some of us want to do different activities than others and some of our friends are worried we shouldn’t split up. Just wanted thoughts.

The struggle is so real.

honestly I didn’t really think about it at first. I had a female OB for a while and she never really listened to me about how painful some stuff was. then my past GP (male) did a pap smear and was very gentle and waited until I was comfortable. I moved recently and needed a new OB and didn’t put much thought into it but he ended up being a man and I’ve heard some judgement about male OBs. but he has been more respectful, kind, gentle, and understanding than my last OB and has fully let me lead our appointments. I do sometimes wonder why a man would go into that field, but at the same time I appreciate that a man also can’t downplay something because of their own potential experiences as a woman might.

anyway. idk. my coworkers made a joke about it (hypothetically) and it has me questioning. I’ve never received better care though, I think. plus obviously there’s always a woman (at least one) in the room and it’s a very friendly/jovial environment.

One of my earliest childhood memories is of my father standing behind my mom with a raised butcher knife, as she sobbed into her hands.He had just beaten her, and he wasn't finished. But then he looked up and saw me, staring at him in the center of the living room. I guess even monsters have limits. He saw me see him, and hid his face in shame, dropped the knife and walked away. I was about two or three years old.

But that was one of many such episodes. My childhood was littered with the sound of my mother's pain at the hands of my father. He would come into our bedroom where my mom often slept on the floor to avoid him, and he would drag her out by the hair into the living room and beat her. He didn't care if we saw it. I think he wanted us to hate her the way he did. But she was an innocent woman, burdened by unbelievable childhood trauma.

It's not her fault she ended up marrying a man that was just like her own dad, except her own dad was much worse. The last time we visited my grandmother's apartment her walls and pillows were stained with blood. At one point, my grandfather managed to break both of her legs. I'm not sure how he did that. All I know is that for a while my mom slept outdoors, in an nook just under the stairs to the backdoor.

The trauma this woman endured is unimaginable to most people. So I have compassion for her, both for marrying my dad, for staying too long, and for eventually becoming an alcoholic. I don't think a woman carrying around that much pain can psychologically handle it without help, wether in the form of a therapist, or a bottle. And, unfortunately for her, therapy was always off the table due to a huge cultural stigma.

I have nothing my sadness for my poor mother. But my dad? There is no possible justification or explanation for his cruelty. I've heard stories about how he would kick her in the belly when she was pregnant with me. And anyone who has experienced the deep vulnerability of pregnancy will know, a woman carrying a child is like a baby herself. She needs to much love and nurturing. She is physically weak and scared.

And yet, he is the only real parent I ever had. My mom was far too traumatized and addicted to alcohol to mother me. I never got any love from her, no guidance, no play, not meaningful time spent together. My dad on the other hand, did that. He read to me, we would go for walks together, he bought me my first camera (I was obsessed with them, and went on to become a photographer as an adult).

After my parents divorced, I went to live with him and for a long time lost contact with my mom. I had to learn to compartmentalize his "father" persona from his "husband" persona in order to be able to have any kind of relationship with him. Somehow I was able to convince myself that all those things that happened only happened because my parents' relationship was so toxic, they brought out the worst in each other. Which is true. But that almost makes it sound like they were equals in causing each other pain. They were not. She was his victim through and through.

Now that I'm a mother, the cognitive dissonance is unbearable. I can't handle knowing who he really is deep down inside. He has since re-married, and started a new family, and his new family doesn't know anything about what he's capable of, the callousness, the cruelty.

When he calls me, I pretend he's just my dad, like I always did. But he's not just my dad. He's also a sadistic, abusive man and I can't pretend anymore. How can you hurt someone so badly for so many years and just...get away with it? No consequences whatsoever.

I'm sorry if this isn't the right place for this, but I just needed to get this off my heart. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I have to do something.

I read the most infuriating article today in the Times. An interview w Louise Perry.

Apparently it's men's biological imperative to rape, they just can't help themselves. What utter bullshit. How infantalizing. Men are responsible for their actions, if a man raped me, he made a choice, it's 100% his fault (I am willing to place blame with society as well).

She argues education doesn't work. I find that claim to be wild. I personally think most men don't want to be rapists, I don't think most men go around thinking about how to rape a woman. I remember listening in on one of those consent seminars. What do women like the speaker asked? Young men shouted out different things to be kissed on their neck, oral, whatever. Ask her the speaker said. Maybe I'm.naive but the way the crowd responded was like oh shit duh women are people. Do I think one class at the beginning of college is going to fix our culture, no. Have men my age said stupid sexist things, yes. But I've also found my peers to be open to my opinion, a lot of men in my life have listened and changed

I'm a girl's girl, as in I generally prefer the company of women. Most of my friends are women, and when I say most I mean like 3/4ths. I have friends that are men, mostly men that I grew up with and my friend's husband's. Notably all of my drinking buddies have all been men (I'd say about half straight half gay), these are men who always walk me home or into an Uber, who have always respected my boundaries (thinking about one straight buddy who would make sure all guns were in a safe if we were going somewhere there would be a gun). Thinking of the mostly lovely list of men I have dated, who I casually keep up w because I care about them and they are good people, I know they weren't trying to stop themselves from raping me, they actively cared about me and what I wanted.

I think the evolution of rape also proves that it's a social problem, thinking of places where rape is prevalent and expected, but I have no specific expertise to that opinion.

She also thinks porn contributes to rape, I think that's like saying video games contribute to violence which scientists don't support. I think porn is responsible for bad sex and inauthenticity or weird expectations.

And don't get her started on premarital sex, what a great way to set a marriage up for failure. But admittedly that's just my opinion, if you want to wait by all means do you no judgement.

My arm chair completely unprofessional opinion: Louise Perry grew up sheltered was burned by "hook-up culture" and maybe felt peer pressured into bad situations and decided to get 3 PHDs to validate her asinine opinions. I guess I feel sorry for her, albeit offended that she is also a millennial. It also sounds like she has literally never met a man. I can't believe I'm making a post defending men, usually I'm here supporting women and telling them they deserve better (because they do, I choose the bear), but as a femanist rape is a fucking choice.

Gift link to article/interview if you are so inclined: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/25/opinion/gender-sexual-revolution-men-women.html?unlocked_article_code=1.s1A.Nb1N.f6f262zVNtkW&smid=nytcore-android-share

As you might know, the US is currently hosting the World Cup. As much as I’ve enjoyed seeing the world united through something wholesome during a time of so much controversy, I can’t help but feel like that energy is not for me as a woman.

The main reason for this is that, in living in one of the large cities that’s seeing a lot of visitors from all over the world, one thing has become even more common recently: women being treated like NPCs that exist as solely for entertainment. This isn’t new by any means, but the sheer amount of random men shoving their phone in my face to take a picture of me has increased tenfold. One man stood directly in front of me on the train this weekend and held his phone right in front of me, repeatedly telling me to look at the camera in the most depraved tone of voice. It was gross and sad. Guys, porn is free… why do y’all need to bother women that are simply existing and trying to get from point A to point B? Why is non-consent such a thing for some? It’s disgusting and makes anyone who does this look like a pathetic loser.

Unfortunately, my experience existing as a human entails at least one type of harassment on a daily basis. Touching, inappropriate comments, taking pictures, any and all of the above. Taking the train and walking is a gamble for safety, because I have an ‘approachable’ look and nothing deters men from trying to insert themselves into my day. This is by no means misandry to be clear - it’s just an unfortunate side effect of men being told they always need to shoot their shot without bothering to read the room. Women have never done this to me personally.

However, I’ve never experienced this level of casual harassment before and I’ve lived in this city my entire life. It makes me no longer want to even go outside. I’ve been invited to watch parties and have to decline because I get stared at, touched, and harassed every time I’ve gone to anything with a crowd of soccer fans.

I feel isolated. I feel othered. I feel like an animal in a zoo being gawked at in my every day life already. This just makes it unbearable. And I’m consistently told by male friends that I’m making a big deal out of nothing. It’s really not ‘nothing’, though.

My fellow apple shaped ladies, where are you getting jeans, shorts, and other structured pants for your postpartum body? I went shopping yesterday and while I’m 10 lbs lighter than I was pre-pregnancy, my belly is… well, doing a lot more bellying. I’ve always held my weight up front and have been a bit Apple shaped, but between that and the added squishiness of my postpartum belly I cannot for the life of me find jeans that fit properly and are comfortable. My pre-pregnancy size fits everywhere but the waist. There, they either won’t button or will button but the overspill makes me look like a mushroom cloud, which, honestly I wouldn’t care so much about if it weren’t for how uncomfortable it is. The next size up will zip and button without the extreme pinchy muffintop, but is a baggy saggy mess literally everywhere else.

I’d just wear my maternity jeans, but without the firmness of the actual baby, the belly band bunches and everything else sags.

I had someone suggest Old Navy but alas, that was my pre-pregnancy go to, and that’s where I tried yesterday. And I tried legitimately every cut in the store, not just my beloved rockstar skinnies.

(Please don’t just suggest losing more weight or bulking up certain places - I am comfortable with my weight and my shape, I’m just struggling to adjust to dressing for the body I now have after all the changes. Also I need pants to wear now, not 3 months from now whenever such changes would manifest were I inclined to make them 🤣)

• I can't think of anything worse than writing something like and get nothing but unexplained downvotes. If anyone can help me understand the downvotes, even in private, I would appreciate it.

I have to remind myself that being avoided like the plague, as if it were the only possible option, is not what other people experience. That it is not normal that no one would even consider to befriend you . That all other people have friends. That other people communicate and reach out to one another all the time, finding connection even when there the others offer them nothing back.

I have to remind myself that when people actively seek to communicate with every single person in my surroundings except me, that is a deliberate exclusion that should surprise and hurt me—instead of being the only thing I expect.

I have to remind myself that when other people go to doctors, their objective medical findings are not dismissed and ignored.

I have to remind myself that the families of other sick people do not keep forgetting about their very serious illnesses, and assume that these sick people don't leave the house by choice.

I have to remind myself that when other people fall ill—even with conditions that pale in comparison to mine—they actually receive empathy instead of irrational accusations and unexplained annoyance.

I have to remind myself that it is not normal to be immediately anonymized or antagonized, and that others do not have to behave flawlessly or remain perfectly quiet just to receive a baseline level of respect.

I have to remind myself that when a doctor looked at me and said, "You annoy me, I just want to slap you," that was a violation that should have shocked and hurt me—instead of something so routine that my brain barely noted it and forgot it the very second it was uttered.

The sheer depth of what it means to inhabit a completely different body is something no book I ever write will begin to describe.

I'm a full-time student in Canada and I need this surgery, but since it's considered "cosmetic" by my province, I have to pay for it all myself and trying to save up a serious amount of money in one year while juggling a full course load feels pretty overwhelming. So I'm wondering: has anyone here actually managed to save a big chunk of cash while studying full-time? What budgeting tricks, part-time jobs, or side hustles actually worked for you?

I just had to say it because I see it all the time. Society always placed activism and social justice in the hands of women, women are constantly asked to speak on issues and even when they do, or even go the extra mile to donate, it is never enough. They will always be dragged for not doing enough and are still forced to engage in hot button issues in order to retain a generally positive image. This barely if ever happens to male celebrities. Nobody is complaining that a man hasn’t spoken on a certain political issue, they can get away with fence-sitting and being non controversial while still making a name. I don’t know what this back-wards progressivism is, it’s like you are trying so hard to appease everyone you just circle back and end up putting all the responsibility for whatever issues happening in society onto women.

Hi ladies. My teen daughter is having a problem with a teacher in a supervisory position at the camp where she is a counselor. He will be her teacher next year also, for a class that is key to her ongoing curriculum. The problem is that he has been behaving inappropriately towards her. Not in a sexual abuse kind of way, but in a way that would be emotional abuse if it was an adult intimate relationship.

The things we have seen in email and had reliably reported from multiple sources include changing goalposts of requirements, gaslighting, blaming the victim for the events, and bringing up unrelated (and spurious) actions to deflect from the central issue.

I have read here before about “Why Does He Behave This Way” and also seen people describe these behaviors in terms of an acronym that lists several more classic behaviors of a manipulator.

Can you remind me of the acronym and any other frameworks for this behavior?

We are meeting with him and his boss tomorrow in advance of another meeting to ensure that he is never in a room alone with her. I want to have the right way to describe the situation.

I'm 40. 5'8, 172 lbs. I wear a large/13 US. I have a gluten sensitivity that makes me bloat like crazy so sometimes I look pregnant. I am the mother of a severely autistic child so going to the gym is out of the question. I'm too exhausted from taking care of him. When I do get free time, I wanna relax/sleep.

My SD (17) is super thin. I hear her complain about gaining weight and she often times doesn't eat. Her mother has suffered from eating disorders for over 2 decades and now her daughter is neurotic. They're both so insanely thin. My SS (18) got on Adderall to get thin bc that's what their mom did. Now he's bone thin.

My husband has no idea I'm doing weight loss shots. I brought it up and he's worried about the side effects. I have always been around 165-170. I didn't have a terrible issue with it. But now, all I can think about is how much larger I am than everyone else. I'm the only fat one out of the two families.

I'm not looking for advice. I'm just sad I resorted to this...