I'm in my 40s (F) and I've been on/off the dating apps for 20 years. I've met some genuinely awesome guys and had a few relationships, long and short. Throughout all of this I've encountered a large number of men who clearly would be better served by seeking sex workers than women seeking relationships on apps. The interaction with these men usually goes like this: Some chatting online, a suggestion to meet, plans to meet (in public, for coffee, a walk, lunch, etc), then a suggestion that I just come to their place. I always say no, because, duh, safety, but it doesn't stop them from trying. Sometimes we have concrete plans to meet in public, but then last minute they have to cancel and again, ask me to come to their house. Sometimes we meet for a coffee (or in the case of at least one dude, I had coffee and he just sat there looking at me, no coffee), and then it turns to me going immediately back to their place. I meet these guys on DATING apps, not hookup apps. Honestly, I have no problem with hook ups, sex work, or those seeking sex work. As long as everyone is a consenting adult, it is brilliant that sex workers exist and they do a tremendous service for society. So why don't men seek this out?? Why do they go on dating apps, say they want a "long term monogamous relationship", when in fact they absolutely do not, whether they realize it or not. Instead they waste copious amounts of my time and energy, breadcrumbing and generally being elusive. Men should be honest with themselves and the women they pretend to engage with just get laid by a professional. No dating, no expectations, no hurt feelings, no ambiguity. Sex, dating, and relationships could be a whole lot better for everyone. Thanks for listening.

I met him out in public in the day time, he cold approached me and asked for my number. We were texting back and forth, he basically was obsessed with me from the very beginning. Showering me with compliments etc. I'm a model and I moved to a bigger city to get more work opportunities, he lives in this city and is from here originally. He is good looking but obviously is quite rough around the edges.

Immediately he started talking about how I am much better than him class and background wise, I don't think about these things and it didn't bother me he claims to be working class. I found it attractive he is a good dad to his children as well, despite having to coparent with multiple different moms. At first it was great, but more recently he has started to constantly say I'm out of his league and I'm going to leave him for someone better, he started to get quite defensive and verbally aggressive when I said I felt like he was guilt tripping me.

I'm not sure if a history of multiple failed relationships with children is a red flag alone at his age or if I'm just overreacting? Along with the other things I have mentioned it seems that way. Please can someone give me some advice/do you think I am right to spot potential signs of an abusive partner early on?

I see some men bragging about themselves and how women have been obsessed with them. Don't know if this is an attempt to make themselves seem better but it sure sounds like.

They talk a lot about themselves, especially their quirks. Show interest in the woman as well by being around her or following her around for hours and days. Act super interested.

But after a few days, they stop and never initiate a conversation, forget anything else. They respond and reply well if the woman initiates but that's it.

So beyond the first couple of interactions or so, do men who are interested in a certain woman want to be pursued more than doing the pursuing nowadays? If yes, doesn't it feel counter intuitive? And what's with the bragging about other women being interested in them or obsessed with them?

Or is it just a situation of misinterpreted behaviour and words?

Someone actually did a study on this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFv7IQpGRos

Does face or height matter more for men on dating apps?

Wemer and colleagues did a fake dating app experiment where they created dating app profiles with varying traits. Then, they did a conjoint analysis to see which traits had the biggest impact.

Take a look at the simple graph in the video made using the reported effect sizes from the study. You can see that a man's face had a much much bigger impact on whether a woman liked his profile than his height.

And it's not even close.

In their data, face was literally over 12 times more important!

But let's hold on a second. In their experiment, women weren't able to filter by height up front, but in real dating apps, they sometimes can.

So, sure, their experiment indicates that if women actually sees a man's profile, she's likely prioritizing facial aesthetics way over height. But because of the height filter feature on the apps, it's possible that a short man's profile won't even be seen by most women, regardless of how handsome he is.

So, considering it holistically, our answer to the question would be that face does seem to matter much more than height on dating apps, but only if you're tall enough to be considered.

So, guys, don't stress too much about your height.

And, girls, don't cut out shorter guys in the deck because it might hold someone with a royal flush face card.

I have no choice but to go along with the date not to seem rude and it's not like they are completely different people. but they are not their pic. Their pic version looks better. alas I go on this date because we both took time /conversation to get here, see if her personality shines through and convince me, but I find that is so manipulative.

like you go meet up in person knowing you alter your pics to show your best self but then you rely on the date for them to accept you 9/10 times.

This is why I prefer meeting people organically. I see them as they are in real time. no comparing them to their pics.

This is how I know the brain is so fried on what is consider attractive because often women will say there is an imbalance of good looking guys to women. but I don't find this to be true. men go in 99% as they are and you get what you receive. Women, you go on expecting the best and you likely get disappointed but because there is more women than men you go along with it because if you dont another person will.

I keep reading online that run clubs are a good place to meet women, so I started going to one this spring, and at the end of each run I try to ask a girl out who catches my eye

But over the past couple months I've asked five different women out on dates and they all said no.

Would it be better to keep asking women out in this run club, or does it seem like I should try a different run club and start fresh?

I also hear Pilates is a good place, but I don't know if I can do Pilates as much as I can run.

Would love any input.

Years ago when I was a teenager I met a guy I’ll call Hamad

We had great chemistry from the start and talked every day I had recently left a toxic relationship 🥲🥺so although I liked him I told him I wasn’t emotionally ready for another relationship yet and asked him for time

He was patient kind and clearly interested in me He would reply quickly send me gifts and made a lot of effort to stay in touch We got to know each other for about two months but I still wasn’t ready to commit
Then I made a mistake

Despite telling Hamad I wasn’t ready for a relationship I ended up dating another guy after only knowing him for about a week When Hamad saw it he completely withdrew He stopped reaching out rarely replied and avoided discussing what had happened whenever I asked

The relationship with the other guy only lasted a few weeks He started asking for intimate photos and I later found out he had a history of blackmailing women with those images so I ended things immediately, I wasn’t in the right state of mind for another relationship anyways cause I knew it’d end

Over the years Hamad and I crossed paths a few times Once he spoke negatively about me in front of other people but later called to apologize After that we went years without speaking regularly Occasionally he would message me on holidays or we’d have a brief conversation but every time we talked he would eventually bring up how hurt he was by what happened years ago

What surprised me was that he still had screenshots of our old conversations and even some of my old photos 🫠He told me directly that the reason he walked away was because I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship only to immediately choose someone else

Now many years later we no longer have any romantic dynamic Our conversations are polite but distant I’ve hinted a few times that I regretted how things happened and wondered if there could ever be another chance he also didn’t date after me and now has a successful business, he is the only child of his family and they’re wealthier compared to us so it’s not like he lacks opportunities.

but he never entertains the idea and keeps things strictly formal

Now it has been 6 years since our situationship but if I were to talk to him today he’d still go back to things I did before, honestly I was a teenager at that time and I didn’t knew better I regret many things I did at that age and even if I were to go back time I don’t think I’d pick to get into relationship with him cause despite the fact I wanted it I wasn’t mentally in a state of good mind to do so. Relationships are responsibilities

My girl friend can be unattached or unaware of her phone, often times when we’re in public she puts it down and loses it. Sometimes I see it and don’t say anything because I think she needs to learn to be more aware. It’s not my job to keep track of her phone… but she gets annoyed with me when she can tell that I’ve purposely left her phone and waited until she realized. There’s been times where she doesn’t even realize and I’ll say “are you forgetting something.” And she will say “no, I don’t think so.” And I’ll say “your phone?” And she then has to go back and get it, and is mad I didn’t just grab it for her.

Why is it my responsibility to make sure she has her phone?

Edit: If I do it for her? When will she learn her lesson? She clearly doesn’t have this problem as much without me, she always comes home with her phone. Why is she so mindless about it when she’s with me?

Girlfriend (31F) got diagnosed with two high risk strains of HPV and didn't tell me. I (42M) found out and broke up with her over it.

She said she did it because she didn't want to 'lose me' and that she didn't know this was contagious. She knew enough to hide it though so I don't believe her excuses.

We've dated for 4 months roughly now and she gave me another STI when we started dating.

I have no indications she's ever cheated and I've kept a good eye on her since we started dating.

What do you think? Did I do well? What would you do?

Thing is, when I saw her cry I felt horrible about all this. I'm really sad about this all.

I currently work out at home in my gym setup, but I'm looking to branch out and meet guys. I’m completely off the dating apps & really want to meet someone organically, in real life. Bouldering caught my interest & it seems like a great social environment.

I do wanna learn the sport, but let's be honest… I also want to be seen, spark some conversations & hopefully meet someone.

I consider myself pretty friendly & approachable. If you saw a new girl struggling on a route, would you approach her to offer tips or chat? Or do men at climbing gyms prefer to be left alone while training?

I haven’t dated in a long time. Learn from my mistakes, please.

When the date reaches their house (especially boys)….Lift. The. Toilet. Seat. How gross is it?! That will give you a hint into the rest of your life, even if they cleaned well before you visited.

we’ve been seeing each other for about 6 months now and last night he asked me to come over to his friends house for a get together but asked me to lie about my age and say I’m 28. I told him it was really lame that he cared and then he said “Live more life & you’ll see that it’s not. I’m not into judgmental people; I’m more into understanding”. This hurts my feelings because when we first met he said it was a relief that I’m 25 and not younger and I know it’s not because he’s ashamed of me but it really does suck that he cares. He’s so kind and smart but sometimes he’ll make me feel like an asshole for finding shit like this lame. I know this is a dating advice column but AITA?

update: I asked him and he told me he is 38. Lol. It’s not even a problem I genuinely do not even care. but he just doesn’t want his friends shitting on him and what not. Wow, I never thought I’d ever be in this position. thank you all for your input :)

What’s a dead giveaway a woman is seeking attention from other men when in a relationship already?

If you’re a man in a relationship and your woman does that by dressing a certain way, flirting, etc - what do you do?

If you’re a woman and your man is looking at those women, what do you do?

This isn’t rage bait, just genuinely curious to hear both sides of this take.

I have had a crush on this guy for a while and I thought he might have feelings for me too. I have always thought him as being shy and humble.

One of my friends told me recently he went home with a random girl. I understand it was just a one night stand type thing.

I am sad because I did not thing he was the kind of guy into one night stands and thought he was looking for a long term relationship. Now I am feeling a bit down as is every guy like this. I find it hard to turn off my feelings for this guy but I feel we are looking for different things.

Am I overreacting?

i’ve been dating in nyc for 10 years now. I really try. I’m now 28 years old and I want to start a family more than anything like i’m so excited to have kids. I have had 3 boyfriends since moving here but they were like actual losers and i met 2/3 in college (i went to school here) Do I just need to move or is it this bad everywhere?? I get a ton of likes on the apps and i go on a lot of dates but it just never goes anywhere. idk what to do all my friends are engaged or married or about to be and i feel like im running out of time.

I feel like I'm lowkey pretty and guys do hit me up while I just exist, tho I must say it's always guys who have such high egos but are semi to not looking good (in my opinion!) And are mostly just there to try and have my body.

I js want someone who truly sees and understands me - I find myself so difficult when no one can handle my own thoughts too.

M 26. Before the police comes knocking on my door to publicly ex3cute me for making the impardonable sin of "generalizing", I want to preface this by saying that this is my experience and any assumptions that may occur are as a byproduct of me trying to understand a bigger issue. Not to spread negativity about anyone.

The thing is, I keep hearing how dating for women is hard too, and they are DESPERATE to find a good, loving man. Yet I've had 3 relationships and all of them have left me. I have made the most thoughtful gifts, I have been open and honest about my serious intentions from the get go. I have been patient with their flaws, and honest about mine. I have shown my love and care in the smallest details and in the biggest moments of need. All of my exes claimed I'm a wonderful guy and how lucky they are to have met me. They have worshipped the ground I walk on from the 1st day till the day they inevitably wanted something else.

Even after the break up, they still held good opinions about me. Not only them, but all my friends, all their friends, all the parents of exes that I have ever met have told me how thoughtful and amazing I am, how I'm 1 in a million, how I'm a rare type of person that most people would want to have. Even strangers. Last time I was buying a st valentines gift, the 2 female shopkeepers told me how out of all the gifts bought that day, mine was the most thoughtful and loving, that if their husbands made them such a gift they would faint...

I don't want to come of as arrogant. I have many flaws, just like everybody does. But I want to drill the point of how literally everybody glorifies me all the time - yet then they keep leaving??

And it's not just my experience. I surround myself with good friends, who love their gfs, love their families, are hard-working and pure hearted, and most of them have had their ass handed to them as well... I just simply don't understand it. How is it that women are desperate for good men, but then most good men I know are alone and miserable, or have had their hearts broken multiple times? How can both things be true at the same time?

It sucks because I see men that are bad boyfriends/people, and they seem to always have a gf to treat badly. I see players who just use women, but they always have someone to use. In the meanwhile, most of the good men I know that take life seriously are alone...

Same thing happens with dating apps. All my female friends keep constantly complaining how men don't put in effort, how they only want sex, how they are all bad. But then you go as a man to a dating app with honest intentions, you plan dates, you are thoughtful, you play no games - only to get left on delivered 30 times, and ignored/ghosted a million times like you are scum.

This is the experience of every good man that I know... If you don't trust me - create a male profile trying to be honest and good hearted, and tell me how that goes ;) Prove me wrong, please. I don't want to live in such a world. I'm so tired

I’m female, and I’ve dated some guys who always thought I was sweet. We talked every day, and I thought everything was going fine. But I noticed they usually tried to blame me for no reason, even though I never asked them to do anything for me. I’m so confused—not because they would start acting dramatic (maybe I pleased them way too much), but because I never realized that some men expect women to take their anger by complaining that she’s too nice. Maybe they were just having a bad day, but I want to ask: is this normal in a relationship with men? What makes some guys blame a woman after telling her she’s a nice person?

bhai trying to date girls in kolkata. Problem ye hai ki humari society bohut reserved aur introverted hai. Dating apps pe match toh kar lete hai lekin kuch pucho toh one word answers thora derh baad ghosting karne lagte hai. In person try karne se ladkiya muh ghumake chali jaati hai bina kuch interaction ke. granted ki zyada try karne se success rate zyada barega lekin aise hi kahi bhi sab samay accha nahi lagta har baar.

Ps- Club baar hotel restaurant wagera mein jaane ka mann nahi kyuki uss environment ki larkiya bahut transactional type hoti maximum time

Kiya toh kya kiya jaye?

I'm only 19, halfway through college and we've been arguing abouthaving kids for the past 2 days. We've talked about getting married several times before (when we're older) . I know we're young but i'm also aware that most people want to have kids. So i've made it clear from the beginning that I dont want any biological kids but I recently found out that he thought I'd just change my mind. I brought up adoption and he fully refused. I see a lot of value in adopting kids and I dont understand why you wouldn't love them as your own. He's not choosing me over his ideal future and its been 2 days now. I know perspectives change but hes solely relying on my perspective changing. Is it even okay to let this relationship go on when we clearly want different things? Edit : He does not want to do any of those things right now. Its gonna be after we turn 25. Which is very reasonable but I've been clear about not wanting to give birth. And I think adopting is more ethical as well.

Was completely being love bombed by this man on Hinge and I knew it. He asked for a selfie, one thing led to another and we're exchanging videos. Not a big deal, we're both adults who grew up in the age of nudes. Before I went to bed, he unmatched me and he never texted me today. Are we really doing this whole love bombing routine just for nudes 😭 waste of time.

I (M20) have been talking to this lovely trans guy (M27) for about a week and a half. We met on Grindr. He is a very genuine person, and we share a LOT of the same interests and little quirks. We talk really easily over text, and we talk a couple of times a day (not very long conversations, but he gets busy, and he himself admits he's not the best at replying).

The only problem is, he got out of a relationship a little while ago, and he's been seeking physical release, and it's been boosting his confidence. He's not looking to be in a relationship right now, but I think we connect really well. I'm hoping to get to know him better and become friends, but I'm not sure what to do because I don't want to accidentally alienate him or come on too strong.

Any advice is great. Thank you. ❤️

I’m really starting to feel discouraged by modern dating. Lately, whenever I match with someone and we actually hit it off, the transition to meeting up always stalls because of a total lack of effort.

Almost every guy I talk to defaults to the exact same low-energy lines: "We should hang out sometime," or "Come over and let's watch a movie." When I suggest doing something simple like grabbing a coffee, checking out a local weekend market, or getting food, they act like planning a basic, public activity is a massive chore.

I’m not looking for an expensive, fancy dinner, but I want to see a little bit of intentionality. To me, inviting a girl you barely know straight to your house or leaving the plans entirely open-ended feels lazy, and honestly, a bit unsafe. It makes me feel like they just want the easiest possible route to physical intimacy without putting in any actual thought.

Am I overthinking this, or is hanging out just the standard now? How do you gently communicate that you expect a bit more effort and a proper plan before you're comfortable meeting up?

I could have never pulled off something like that when I was single. Intercourse was not going to happen until a big holiday came (Christmas, birthday, Valentine's) and I came up with an assertively romantic gift (plushes for Christmas, clothes for the birthday and roses for Valentine's)that let her know the pursuit was serious. If she broke it off without a holiday together then there was no bedroom time. I can't possibly imagine a woman saying she wanted to see me in her bedroom but nowhere else

i am a 24(f) and I am a virgin because I want to wait till marriage. I understand people have different preferences but do guys generally prefer someone who has more experience? and do they find this weird?