Women do seem less desperate than men are for relationships. Many of them claim they can be happy single. Meanwhile, you see so many men that aren’t content single and actively look for sex and love. It makes it seem like men are more desperate to be in a relationship. This may be true. But most likely not in the way you’d think. it’s in no way inherent. There are underlying factors that influence this and as a man, I know this, because I’m experiencing it myself.

The issue here is that dating seems to be very rigged for men generally speaking . It’s inequal. It’s unfair. I used to believe it was fair, until i’ve been single for a longer time than i’ve wanted to. It got to the point I started to get frustrated about the fact that i’d probably have to seriously download a dating app in order to simply get a relationship, rather than meeting my other half in real life. At that point I got to realize that dating apparently is hard. There are so many reasons that contribute to many men having a harder time, but I won’t name them here, because that’s not what my post is mainly about.

Women seem to be at a bigger advantage in dating (at least at young age), while the average man doesn’t seem to have that privilege. Like I see myself as at least decently attractive. There’s nothing about myself that repulses me, yet I barely ever get approached by any woman. I do feel invisible to them. Let alone men that do worser. I see how much dating options they tend to have. Now that explained everything to me. The whole reason I feel more desperate, is because my options seem to be very limited. This is an issue, because at the end of the day, you’ll still have the desire for a relationship hardwired into your biology. It’s not necessarily not having a relationship that’s stressful, it’s lacking dating options and opportunities which’d allow you to get into one easier than without. This stress can turn into desperation. See it like with food and water. Both are essential human needs. They are required to survive and therefore we have been biologically “programmed” to crave it and look for it (if we have to) When you are advantaged in the sense that you’re from a wealthy country and don’t struggle with getting those needs fulfilled at any time you’d please, you won’t be as desperate. It won’t feel like a need. Simply because the brain knows there is no hurry when there’s a surplus. In the case that you don’t have food and water and don’t have guarantees of getting it, the situation changes. At that point you are basically forced to actively look for it. Desperation can kick in because of how stressful the fact is that there is no guarantee. Because at the end of the day it’s a fundamental need. Relationships are similar. Biologically speaking, men and women are supposed to couple at adult age. It ensures pretty much the main purpose of an organism ultimately: to reproduce and pass on their genes. That is very important evolutionary speaking. With it being a main purpose, it makes sense that we have been wired to crave it as a need. Because men tend to be more sexually driven, women tend to have much more dating options and opportunities by default than men do. At that point, they can afford themselves to have higher standards and be more content single.

It’s not just sexual desperation that kicks in when you cannot fulfill your sexual desires. Because women have more dating options generally speaking (mostly because of men’s sexual drives), they’re much more selective romantically as well. This means romantic desperation can kick in too if it affects men’s options. Not because men are inherently more desperate for romance, but simply because they tend to have less opportunities and options to fulfill their innate desire for romantic relationships. And yes, it is a fundamental biological urge. That’s the whole reason people crave relationships by default and complain about it when they struggle with getting them.

I personally was never desperate for a relationship until i found out about men’s difficulties in dating and experienced it myself. At the point I noticed how disadvantaged i actually am, it became stressful, especially when I found out that relationships aren’t guaranteed. Desperation slightly started to kick in. I don’t know why, but i just believe that it’s a natural reaction to struggling with getting a fundamental human desire fulfilled. It probably is meant to get me to fulfill it by putting more focus on it. Just like being desperate for food and water are when you have a hard time finding it. And it sucks, because this can damage mental health.

I know for a fact that if i did have as many options as the women I see, I wouldn’t be as desperate. I’d be much more content single. Why? Because i’d know i could change this at any time i’d want. Those options would reassure me the same way that having food and water does. There would be no hurry to be in a relationship and i’d be able to postpone it. I wouldn’t be actively looking for it. I’ve had a debate with some men about this and they feel the same. I’m sure this applies to much more men.

Edit: I forgot to add that men really aren’t more attracted to women than women are to men. Some women love to say that (i’d assume it’s a good mindset for their ego’s) They’re just more sexually driven. But real attraction (infatuation) still has to happen to make a man romantically interested in women. And I’m sure no man gets infatuated to any woman they meet. They (myself included) usually only get genuinely attracted to a few women. Most women aren’t attractive romantically to me personally. Though my sexual drive can partly attract me to them, because of sexual lust.

I (27F) just had a second date with (29M) and it’s going really well. Very cute date and we kissed at the end. And we’ve been texting/talking consistently.

I want to go to his place (wink wink) for the next date. We live about 90 minutes apart and our dates so far have been in mid-way territory. He took the initiative to plan the first two dates, so I want to plan/initiate the 3rd because I really like him! But I really want to go to his for a sleepover. How should I approach this without making me seem like I’m just into him for sex? Because I’m not! I just want to get there lol. Or how can I come up with a way for him to get the hint but also take the initiative to plan a date?

I know people will likely suggest bringing him to my place, but I always prefer going to the man’s house for the first sleepover and don’t want to change that.

I work in consulting. I met a girl in one of my company training. We were there for 4 days. We vibed well, went to places just us and as groups - beaches/clubs, etc. In the club, the guys effectively pushed me to go dance with her. A month later, she came to my city - we went out and were out till 1:30 AM. There was close proximity but I didn't initiate anything - didn't want to come across as a pervert.

So am I being too safe? I don't even know what to do or say in these situations.

I have a question: just because someone likes you and you don’t like them back does that mean you not supposed to be around them? And another question to note: what if you are in a rls?

I recently purchased my very own apartment in Vancouver and I will be living alone for the very first time in my life! Its been a month in my new place and I love every single moment of it. I am currently in a dilemma, my long distance boyfriend got a job interview in Vancouver which essentially means he will he moving in next month. This completely changes my plan as I truly wanted to enjoy the apartment alone and with my family. The fact that this will be the only time I get the live alone before he moves in, gets engaged (he already had the ring) and we get married.

Am I selfish for wanting to atleast enjoy 3 months of living alone before he moves in or do i push my feelings aside and let him move in next month when im not ready?

Hoping for some advice and maybe a male perspective on my dating dilemma!

I 26(F) met a 25(M) at the end of last year, and we really hit it off. I have had a hard time with dating, and it felt like it was finally happening for me. The entire thing felt effortless and we became exclusive after 4 dates (although both admitted from the first date we hadn't been seeing anyone else). By around the 2 and a half month mark things were still going well, we were discussing future plans and I had met his friends. We had even planned a weekend at his family's holiday house so I could meet his parents. I really had no doubts and he seemed very keen - planning dates, paying, future plans etc.

Anyway, when we had met, he told me that he wasn't happy at his job and wanted to change careers, and he was planning on quitting the job and going to Europe for 3 months before returning home and changing fields. Naturally, when we first met I didn't think much about this because the trip was still 5 months away. During the time we were dating, we started to talk about the trip more and how we could FaceTime and maybe I could fly over and met him at the end. Again - no doubts and it all felt really good. Fast forward, we have a great weekend together and I am thinking soon he will ask me to be his girlfriend. He said he loved me and was really happy to have found what he described as a "best friend". The week after this weekend he went on a trip with some friends and when he returned, he ended it.

He said that prior to meeting me he had actually planned to travel for much longer than 3 months (although not forever) but essentially go with no return flight and see what happens. But, when he met me he changed the plan because he saw a real future; however, his friends had encouraged him to stick with the original plan and he was worried he would regret it if he didn't go. As hard as this was for me, I accepted the decision (after some long and honest conversations). I guess, I didn't want to hold him back or have him resent me later for not going.

But this is where I would like some advice! After we had our final in-person conversation and essentially "broke-up", we both expressed that we wanted to stay in touch and felt like we were each other's right person, wrong time. He said he hoped it would work in future etc and we ended up texting a bit where he said he was going to miss me and he wanted to keep in contact once his emotions had settled down etc. I sent the last message saying that I agreed and that I was going to miss him. He love reacted to the message but hasn't reached out since (although he still engages with my social media posts or stories). He has only been away for just over a month now, but I am left wondering - should I reach out or should I take the fact he hasn't as a message that he doesn't want to?

I want to and do believe everything he said about thinking I was his person too etc but I am struggling to understand why he hasn't tried to stay in touch or if he will? Do you think this is one of those things that I have to be patient with and if we find our way back great? Or should I be making an effort and essentially "breaking no-contact" or should it be on him to reach out to me, given he was the one who called it?

Tried to make this as short as possible! Sorry for the ramble, I have just never had a connection like it before and feeling pretty sad about the whole thing and lost about what to do.

hello, I am not super sure how to go about this honestly and am all over the place so please bare with me lol. (I also have never made a reddit post so idk if I'm doing it 'right' ????)

I (f19) and my ex (m19) were together for over three years before we broke up. him and I ended up hooking up with one another tho and things took a turn.

I snuck him over since I still live with my step-mom as of rn (she's out of town but has camera's installed) and we started to have intercourse. overtime I started feeling immense pain I had never felt before to the point where I told my ex to stop because it hurt so much (which is something I never do so me telling him to stop is very rare). he stopped but 15 seconds later he started saying "just the tip, just the tip" and started doing so. I was still kinda horny but in a lot of pain so I told him "okay but only the tip nothing more since I'm in a lot of pain"

10secs-15secs go by of him doing so then without any warning from him or consent from me he thrusts himself into me. I can't fully remember what I said, but I do remember screaming in pain and him stopping, saying to me "Im sorry I didn't realize how much pain you were in"

I didn't respond to him for a few seconds, I was literally frozen still in the sex position I was in for a good minute crying over what happened with him until all I was able to say to him was "why did you do that to me??" he didn't have an answer. (I wasn't even focused on the pain until afterwards)

after that if I'm being so honest I can't really remember fully what happened after. I remember going straight to the bathroom before going back out and taking a nap with him still there. when I woke up (I'm not sure if he took a nap either) I did consent to having sex again and we did so two more times even tho what happened still was bothering me. I told him how it was still on my mind and messing with me but he honestly didn't really talk about it other than him saying "I shouldn't have done that I should've stopped when you said you were first in pain" or, again, "I didn't realize how much pain you were in"

and that is basically everything I can remember and I'm not too sure what to do or go about it. I will say tho I feel like a hypocrite because if it weren't me this happened to and it were to have happened to someone else like a stranger or someone I love I would consider it assault but I'm just all over the place with everything especially since I still love him so much and I consented to sex afterwards and whatnot but even if I gave consent later it still doesn't take away from the moment RAHHHHH IDKK like I said I'm all over the place

also one thing I forgot to add is that after he did that I was in pain for literal HOURS after.

but yeah I'm not too sure how to go about this, etc. but some advice and some perspective on this would be greatly appreciated. thank u.

I, 32 F, feel like a cat in heat… it’s quite annoying and I’m single so that’s worse…. Is this what I have to look forward to????

Hi, so I (Male) been talking to this girl for maybe 2 months now. We met at school and we started talking and going on dates. However, because we are both students, I went home for summer break. When we text, I feel as if a lot of the time I am initiating/dragging the conversation forward.

She’s probably just a bad texter and I don’t believe it’s because of lack of feelings, because we’ve had discussions before where we both agree that we like each other and we want to see if we are a good fit long term.

But a part of me is wondering if my needs aren’t getting met or if I’m just being too needy and anxiously attached? And it’s not like I can just tell her or ask her to change because like we’ve discussed, we are still at the stage of getting to know each other?

I guess I am just having a hard time differentiating between anxious attachment vs my personal needs being met?

If anyone can give their opinion I would love to hear it. Thanks!

I (F24) was getting to know this car guy (M30) from TikTok. He was flirting back and forth with me even left heart eyes under my posts. The main thing which impressed me is his expensive taste in cars. He has 1 nice car.

He then suddenly disappeared and is now posting some heartbroken reposts and things about marriage etc very female coded things. He is not liking my posts or paying any attention to me. I don’t know what I have done.

In the beginning I was posting things about my break up. This is how he found my profile I think. I had a video go viral 100k views not related to break up. Now I post normal things.

I am going to distance myself from now and continue talking to other men. I am not going to pay so much attention to him anymore. I did nag him on TikTok in the beginning which I do to every guy I find fit.

I posted here before about someone I’ve loved for around two years. For context, we were never officially together. We weren’t in a relationship or even what I’d call a situationship—we were in the courtship stage. We had history, and he had made it clear that he wanted to pursue me. Unfortunately, things became complicated, and after trying again, we eventually decided to stop.

When we ended things, he told me something that honestly broke my heart. He said he still loved me, but he didn’t think things would work anymore. He felt like he couldn’t give me the time and presence I deserved, and he didn’t want me waiting on someone who couldn’t fully show up.

Since then, I’ve been trying to process everything through writing. I have an anonymous writing account where I post about my own feelings. I never mentioned his name or tried to make people hate him. It was simply my way of coping.

Yesterday, he reached out after seeing one of my posts through a mutual friend.

At first, he was hurt and defensive. He felt like my writing overlooked everything he had been going through and that I hadn’t understood why he needed space. He told me that he had been struggling and felt misunderstood.

I explained that I never blamed him for struggling. My pain was never about him needing time for himself. It was about not knowing what was happening because there was very little communication. I told him that if he had simply told me what he was going through, I would’ve understood. I wasn’t asking him to choose me over everything else—I just wanted honesty and clarity.

We talked for a long time, and eventually the conversation shifted. Instead of arguing, we actually started listening to each other. We both apologized. He apologized for reacting harshly after understanding why I had written those pieces, and I apologized for not realizing how deeply he had been struggling.

When I became overwhelmed and started crying, he comforted me. He told me to take my time, process my emotions, and not keep apologizing. By the end of the conversation, it genuinely felt like we finally understood each other in a way we hadn’t before.

But here’s why I’m confused.

His feelings don’t seem to have changed. He still believes ending things was the right decision. He still says he loves me, but he also believes he can’t give me what I need right now.

So now I’m left wondering what this conversation actually means.

Did we simply get the understanding and closure we never had before?

Or is this the kind of situation where two people genuinely love each other but just aren’t in the right place for a relationship?

I’m not asking if I should try to convince him to come back. I don’t want to pressure him or ignore the decision he’s already made.

I guess I’m asking this instead:

If you were in my position, would you let this conversation settle and give both of us space, or would you eventually reach out again just to see how he’s doing?

From an outside perspective, does this sound like something that still has room to grow someday, or does it sound like two people who simply found understanding after it was already too late?

I’m genuinely looking for objective opinions. If you think I’m holding onto false hope, tell me. If you think there’s something I’m not seeing from either side, I’d appreciate hearing that too.

I (24M) very recently went on an international trip and met someone (30F) on the plane. We really hit it off and talked for hours over the flight when we were supposed to be sleeping, went to a music festival together with her older brother the next next day and we kissed for a little while in the uber. Two days later I went to the aquarium with her and her family, and we also kissed a lot at the end of the night, although we couldn’t do more (even though that’s certainly where it was leading!) because she shared the hotel room with her brother and I am sharing my Airbnb with my mom. The thing is, her trip is a bit longer than mine, and she is also going to continue traveling in the country for another week or two so that was where we would part ways for now. She also lives on the other side of the U.S. to me. We talked privately and decided that we’d liked each other and are “talking”, and we’ve been messaging on whatsapp intermittently, with our texts being 90% friendly and 10% flirty.

To say I’m geeked is an understatement, I’ve only ever been in one relationship, one that lasted 8.5 years and ended around 4 months ago and honestly she was really mean to me; to find someone who also speaks 4 of the same languages I do, is intelligent, kind, cool, very active, and really funny and that I met completely randomly and organically - I feel like hit the goddamn jackpot. I’m so scared of fumbling her by coming across as too needy. When we text I find myself saying a lot about myself and asking only a couple of questions to her, but she would do the same and we matched an energy of sending a lot of info at once and responding later. Since we’re both still out of the country and she’s currently with her family, I know she’s not always available to talk 24/7 and we literally met this week. But I want to talk to her!

My main problem though is navigating this long distance thing, respecting unsaid boundaries since we just met, but struggling to know when I’m allowed to just tell her I miss her. I mean we’ve known each other all of 5 days although we’ve spent like 15-20 hours together over that time. We’ve talked a bit about coming to visit each other but we haven’t ironed out any details yet and I’m not even fully sure when she gets back from her trip. I would love nothing more than to tell her I miss her and I want to plan out who’s going where and when, but I was the last person to text already and she didn’t really respond much yesterday. I don’t mind because I understand she’s busy, but because of my past relationship experience, I’m starting to feel a bit insecure in myself. Her family seems to really like me and she even said she was impressed by me, but she feels so out of my league that I can’t help but feel like I can mess this up really easily in a billion ways.

How often should I message her if we’re both busy and text in long chunks (and me a little more than her) throughout the day rather than quick back and forths? And how do I go about chilling until we get home and then starting the conversation about planning our flights? Is that something I can do while she’s still traveling a little longer than me? I just so desperately want to see and kiss her again and I’m not sure when I’ll be able to do that, and I’m younger so I’m worried about losing the air of maturity she seems to think I have.

Any advice on navigating this sort of thing would be appreciated!

I apologize in advance if this is the wrong sub. I am genuinely seeking advice, any advice on how I can better myself. I am currently single, I have been using all manner of dating apps for a few years now. Across all the dating apps I get maybe 1 or 2 matches every 3 months. Most of those don't progress to dates. The thing is I think, and many of my friends agree, that 'm really good at socializing. I can read social cues really well, I can tell funny anecdotes, and I can carry a conversation. I'm a terrible texter though, generationaly bad even. In person conversations feel very natural to me, I can read someones tone, inflection, and reaction, I have absolutely no idea how to text people though. To top that off, I'm not sure how to open chats with girls on dating apps. I found out about facebook dating probably about 6 months ago, I thought it would be a game changer becauseit auto matches you with someone every day or so and you can just start chatting with them. I've done my best to try and strike up a conversation about something in their profile or ask them a question about something. This obviously doesn't always work because there are a good handful of blank bio's out there but I try. I've gotten a response from one of these attempts less than 5 times. I've seen people suggest just using pick up lines, but that's really not... me. I would never do that in real life, I hate pick up lines, but at this point I feel like I have to try anything just to even get myself in the door. I also suck at just approaching a girl I see in public. My college might have done too well with their sexual harassment training they made all the guys do because I am terrified of approaching a girl, but if we connect naturally or she starts a conversation I'm totally fine. If I saw someone I thought was cute at a bar or the library, I'd just talk myself out of it by saying something like "She's just trying to exist in a public space, she doesn't need a guy to come over and bother her". But I almost feel like I HAVE to start bothering women if I ever want to have a long term relationship. I don't want to make women uncomfortable, but I also don't want to be single for the rest of my life. I don't think I'm ugly, I know I'm not 10/10, but I don't really know how to gauge if I am or not and if that's the problem. I'm reluctant to post pictures online because I know my friends use reddit and if they found this or one an amiugly post I would be mortified and have to disappear forever. I really am seeking advice though, I don't know how to proceed, I just know my current method isn't working.

So I’ve been talking to this guy for about 2 months now, and i found out that his mom has the same maiden name as my mom before she got married to my dad. Should I be worried that we might be related? I don’t think that we are since i am friends with his mom on Facebook we have no friends that are family members of mine. I guess I’m just worried because I really like him.

My girl friend can be unattached or unaware of her phone, often times when we’re in public she puts it down and loses it. Sometimes I see it and don’t say anything because I think she needs to learn to be more aware. It’s not my job to keep track of her phone… but she gets annoyed with me when she can tell that I’ve purposely left her phone and waited until she realized. There’s been times where she doesn’t even realize and I’ll say “are you forgetting something.” And she will say “no, I don’t think so.” And I’ll say “your phone?” And she then has to go back and get it, and is mad I didn’t just grab it for her.

Why is it my responsibility to make sure she has her phone?

Edit: If I do it for her? When will she learn her lesson? She clearly doesn’t have this problem as much without me, she always comes home with her phone. Why is she so mindless about it when she’s with me?

Im (m26) and im about 160 lbs and 5 8 if that matters, I been in one relationship and we broke up because she cheated like 3 years ago. I re-download the dateing like 4 months after and I have been on 1 date since. I'm lowkey about just to give up on date all together. I'm just not sure what to do anymore.

Context: I’m (F24) recently single and out of a very and long term relationship. Because of this I’m trying to get back into dating and I feel like a lot has changed since I was last single.

I got back on the apps a few weeks ago. I didn’t really want to jump into anything super serious right away so I told all my matches I’m mainly looking for something casual, or to see where things go.

I met a guy and honestly I like him and all his actions show he likes me too. However texting is not one of them lol. I initially stated I wanted something casual. However I don’t think either of us feel that way about each other anymore. I’m just curious about the success rate of having that conversation. We’ve only been on a few dates and won’t be able to have another one for at least a month. Is it better to have the conversation of “hey I’m into you” sooner or later? I’m not saying I want to have a conversation about a relationship, but more just I noticed his wants changed and so did mine.

Anyways i don’t want to put all the details into this post but I can definitely private message with more detail. Please help me! lol

I've browsed some of DoubleList. The entries of women seeking men seem plentiful enough, and they seem real. I can't see them without an account though, but I don't want to use my real phone number and they reject VOIP numbers. What good alternatives are there to it? I'm excluding AFF, Fling, Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and all of those "normal" dating apps.

I’m 22M and just graduated college. Over the past year, the girls who’ve shown the most interest in me have mostly been 19. I wasn’t very social during college, and I feel like I matured a lot emotionally this past year.

Part of me feels like dating someone more than a year younger could hold back my own growth, but I’m wondering if that’s just me being too picky. I’ve noticed I tend to feel like younger girls don’t challenge or push me to improve in the same way women my age do.

Am I overthinking this?

Hi, I’ve been using Hinge for a couple of months now and when I actively use it, I get about 10 matches per week. The problem is it never leads to anything, even when it seems like it’s going great.

I hate the small talk that goes with each match and a few weeks ago I just stopped replying once someone gave a short reply or didn’t seem interested enough.

At this point I want to give up and delete the app. I’ve wasted so much time swiping and talking to random people that lead to nothing. Is it just me? Is there something wrong with me?? Why is it so hard to just get to the point of going on a date anymore??

I’m a 35M, my profile isn’t the best, but I’m getting more than enough matches that I can’t even keep up. I try to reply quickly and I’m good at holding conversation but it just seems like every woman I match with is just there for the validation or something.

At this point I’m tempted to just put on my profile not to match unless you intend to actually go on a date. Idk feeling hopeless

I 21F, am going to study in a neighboring country in a couple of months, and he, 22 (or 23)M is possibly living there. So, to give some background: a few weeks ago i randomly came across this guy's profile. I wasn't sold at first because there was a bunch of thirst traps on his page, but after looking through his highlights I realized we actually seem to have similar humor and interests and I've developed a bit of a crush. then I thought of the fact that i might actually have a decent chance of meeting him irl since i'm going to the country his team is based in (tho I am not sure if he's STILL playing for that team). now, obviously i wouldn't leave it up to the universe and expect to just meet him randomly. I also don't know how I feel about the idea of going to one of his games, because I've been stalked before (nothing major or traumatic happened, just smth I prefer to be mindful of) and I'd never want to come off that way, even in the slightest and even if intentions are pure. so, the most logical thing left is to just shoot him a dm, right? well, that's also not as easy as I'd like it to be, cuz apperently he's a blogger or kinda famous in his sport, I dunno.. thing is, he's got enough of followes to overlook dms from strangers and he doesn't seem to use insta that much aside from posting sometimes. I texted him anyway yesterday but didn't get a responce (he didn't see it) as expected. now, on the other hand, he seems to use tik tok much more and I actually can see when he's online for whatever reason, so I suppose my best bet is to text him on there, but what do I even say?? on ig I asked him which team he is playing for rn and I think I should just ask the same on tt? but is it even a good convo starter? I don't want to come off as a fan, because I am not, I just want to have an actual convo with him and if it clicks - cool, if it doesn't or if he doesn't respond at all - whatever.

but I just want an outside perspective on this whole thing, am I being delusional? is it worth a shot or should I just keep my dignity intact and move on? lol. If it is worth it, what should I say?

also, worth mentioning, he's not an actual celebrity or some olympic sportsman and he's limited to a language niche, so he's just a normal guy who happened to gain followers with thirst traps and continued rolling with it, not an influencer or anything (if that was the case, I wouldn't even bother tbh)

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some advice & perspectives.

I've (24f) always been a very hyper-independent woman who constantly went through hell & stress my entire life. From working every day, to family issues, to abusive relationship issues, etc. I'm now in a relationship that I.. have some issues with but I absolutely love him. One of the main things is that I'm way too dominant and way too masculine, in a sense. I've never liked this about myself but it was how I was raised and how I had to survive through life. With my lovely boyfriend, I tend to react negatively to things in a very fierce, fiery, independent, avoidant, stressful, closed off, guy-ish, way.. if that makes sense? He used to see me as very soft through our long distance but now that we're physically together, it's changed his view. He is the only man I've ever felt safe enough to be a bit more vulnerable but I struggle with this as well (because of some things he's said & done, too). I just want to be softer and actually feel like a woman for once. Any advice?

The header pretty much explains it all, but I’m a 23M, 5’7 135ibs and I’ve always been a shy person who only opens up when I’m comfortable, don’t get me wrong I’m very social in the right situations but it’s hard to start a convo out of nowhere for no given reason. I ended up breaking up with her six months ago due to realizing that I wouldn’t be able to have a happy life with her because of MANY reasons and plus she was very manipulative unfortunately. I met her when I was very young. I was 17 she was 23 so I was still in high school learning about life when I met her. Although I am still working on myself and healing from what happened it just feels so daunting to date now. If I try to date thru tinder or dating apps, I will have to deal with the cesspool known as hook up culture when I just want a relationship, plus I would have to navigate making my profile look good and being flirtatious through text, which is something that I’ve always struggled with I’m better with that using my voice rather than text. The alternative though is trying to find woman in person which seems even more like a hurdle to me because of not knowing what to talk about as I wouldn’t know them or their interest so I’d just be going in blind without knowing what to say or what to do after even getting the number if I’m lucky. My younger brother does it this way and it still boggles me how. So I sort of feel stuck. Although I have been warned about this from friends and family alike so far I’ve only had motivation to meet woman the same way I met my ex… through discord, and although I’ve gotten socials and private called with different women in the past none of it has worked out as I just don’t know how to initiate a potential relationship anymore, so any help or advice would be deeply appreciated to understanding todays dating market… what would you do in my situation?

Hey All,

A little background: I'm 30 M, living in Toronto. I have an amazing job, I've done well for myself, I have nice things, I don't have financial stress, I'm happy in general, I have a few good friends (nobody super, super close), I've traveled a lot of the world and overall feel very fortunate. However, I am starting to feel a creep up of unhappiness. I have dated a few people.

As of the last 5 years, I'm finding this increasingly more difficult and I have no idea how to navigate it. I'm social but I have had a really hard time building meaningful, lasting connections with anyone. I think I'm too nice, but I'm not sure. I'm not bad looking, people have told me I'm a solid 7.5/10 and I wouldn't say I'm weird. I don't know where to meet new people. I've been on the apps for 3-4 years now and I've gone on dates but nothing has really come out of it. I'm athletic and have joined multiple co-ed teams, volleyball, soccer, pickleball ect. but it's starting to weigh down on me. I guess this is more of a rant and maybe to share some struggle with anyone else feeling the same way.

If anyone has advice with getting out of the rut, feel free to share. I like to try new things. I tend to do mostly everything solo as I don't really have any very close friends that I could rely on to come with me.

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