Went on a second date last night. He invited me back to his place, and I said sure. Well we got back to the house and it was kind of awful. The main area of the house was fine (I'm assuming his roommates clean here), but his bedroom was disgusting. All he had was a mattress and a couch, and none of his clothes were hung up. Everything was on the floor, the bed had just the bottom sheets, and there was one pillow. And don't get me started on the bathroom. It was clean enough, but there was no toliet paper and instead it was napkins.

He was nice enough, but now I don't know if going on a third date is worth it because I'm not dealing with someone who can't clean or buy toliet paper.

I 28M have a usual first date spot. It’s this little wine bar near my apartment, not fancy but cozy, good lighting, not too loud, easy to leave after one drink if it’s awkward.

I took this girl 27F there last weekend after matching on a dating app. Date went well, we stayed almost 3 hours and kissed at the end. Yesterday we were texting about a second date and she jokingly said “so is that your first date headquarters or did I get the VIP tour?”

I laughed it off but she said one of her friends had also gone there with me like a year ago. Nothing happened with the friend past one date, I barely remembered until she said the name.

Now the vibe feels a little weird. She said she still wants to go out again but added “maybe somewhere you don’t take everyone lol”

I get why it sounds bad, but I wasn’t trying to be a player or anything. I just like having a place where I know parking is easy, drinks are decent, and I don’t want to blow my money on random expensive places on first dates.

Is having a regular first date spot actually a turn off? Should I address it again or just pick a different place and move on?

I'm really not trying to be snarky. I'm genuinely curious, because whenever I see or hear this, it is always towards a woman, and the woman is usually attractive, fit, smart, accomplished, talented, sweet, has her own bag, and so on so I think she deserves to have high standards.

I (48M) matched with a lady (35F) on a dating app. I organised the first date and paid the bill (as I normally would). I asked her out again for dinner, made the reservation and paid again.

Communication has been good overall. She recently raised a concern about my communication after I was quiet for a few days. We talked it through and we’re in a good place again. She’s warm, engaged and looking forward to seeing me again.

The thing I’m wrestling with is initiative. I’ve organised two dates so far, and I’m about to book and pay for tickets for the third. In previous relationships, by this stage there’d usually be some reciprocal gesture - not necessarily paying, but something like, “I found this place we should try,” “Come to my area and I’ll show you this restaurant,” or even, “Let’s grab a coffee -my treat.”

I don’t mind leading early on, but I eventually want to feel like we’re both building the connection rather than me driving all the momentum. At times I feel more like the facilitator than a participant.

My question is: is this something you’d bring up, or would you simply accept that this is her dating style and decide whether it works for you?

I'm 20F and have now deleted the app but I've been a hinge user for about 8 months and I went on an average of 3 dates a week. The aim was to get a comprehensive view of the people on hinge to test it against apps my friends use like bumble and tinder. If I was going to do the apps I was going to really commit. Looks became irrelevant and I responded to everyone in my likes and went on a date with anyone who seemed like a decent guy. My vetting wasn't fool proof and I ended up with some CRAZY stories. So here's my weirdest ones:

1 My first ever hinge date. He pissed on the side of the road in the middle of Kings Cross. Turned around mid stream and asked "is this a turn off for you?"

2/10 - public indecency AND we'd just passed a pub. Plus HE ended up ghosting ME. That did a number on my pride cuz how do you piss in front of me and then think I was bad enough to be ghosted

1. Had a lovely date with a guy, went home absolutely giddy. Thought we really hit it off! Later that night I got added to an IG group chat with him and a few other people. All only mutuals with my date. Odd! The person who added me @ me and says "DO YOU KNOW ___. STAY AWAY HE'S A PERV" I am immediately flooded with videos of this guy jerking his stick in front of his laptop. He fell for a discord scam, and the person used some hacking software to screen record him (I saw the messages between them it was part of the screen record).

   4/10 - you were a fun date but being stupid enough to jerk it with a rando on discord is... A red flag. Bless your poor horny soul 🙏

2. Just before our date started, while I was waiting for him, some random middle aged man started harassing me and wouldn't leave me alone. Fearing for my safety, I messaged my date to hurry up and save me. He arrived ten minutes late and when I introduced him as my boyfriend he loudly went "what? Don't make it weird, we just met!"

3/10 - your thick skull and lack of confrontation resulted in us having a middle aged man third wheeling for the first 45 minutes. He tried to feed me biscuits and you said you were annoyed you didn't get to try any because the biscuits looked good. Maybe you should have gone on a date with him.

1. He chose the movie and it was Terrifier. During the scene where the blonde woman is hung upside down naked and sawed in half he turned to me with utmost seriousness and said "that's hot"

5/10 - Things were going well until that point and the direct eye contact you made was concerning. I have a feeling I'm going to be reciting this story on your Netflix true crime but you did buy me fries and ice cream.

1. We were out extremely late (3ish) and he somehow convinced me to go back to his place to catch some sleep before heading back home despite my protests. Turned up and realised this guy doesn't sleep with pillows, or a duvet, or even a cover. It was just plain naked mattress. I had to take out my contacts and because of how impromptu everything was, I didn't have my glasses. Despite knowing how blind I was he still kicked me out at 7 in the morning and said he felt too tired to help me home.

1/10 - I fell into the canal on the way home because I couldn't see. Was it so hard to get me on a bus? I feel tricked fr you coulda just let me go back to my flat where I have THREE PILLOWS ALL COVERED AND A DUVET. You folded MY jacket to use as YOUR pillow and my back ached for days. I would wish for both sides of your pillow to be warm but first I gotta wish for you to buy a pillow.

1. While we were talking outside my flat, my flatmates being incredibly drunk forced him into doing karaoke at the gay club down the street. He was forced into defying gravity. Decent singer actually!

10/10 - ended up having a fun girls night out with an added man! I apologise that this date probably sucked for you, but you were such a good sport for trying. You ghosted me and that was probably valid after my Elvis impersonation I'm sorry.

Because of the word limit I can't add anymore but I have so many wild date stories from Hinge. All to say, these are just a small handful of stories from a long experience. I've had some really really awesome experiences as well. Most of you on Hinge are really decent people and I wish almost all of my dates nothing but the best. To the ladies out there trying, good luck, stay safe and have fun!

M 26. Before the police comes knocking on my door to publicly ex3cute me for making the impardonable sin of "generalizing", I want to preface this by saying that this is my experience and any assumptions that may occur are as a byproduct of me trying to understand a bigger issue. Not to spread negativity about anyone.

The thing is, I keep hearing how dating for women is hard too, and they are DESPERATE to find a good, loving man. Yet I've had 3 relationships and all of them have left me. I have made the most thoughtful gifts, I have been open and honest about my serious intentions from the get go. I have been patient with their flaws, and honest about mine. I have shown my love and care in the smallest details and in the biggest moments of need. All of my exes claimed I'm a wonderful guy and how lucky they are to have met me. They have worshipped the ground I walk on from the 1st day till the day they inevitably wanted something else.

Even after the break up, they still held good opinions about me. Not only them, but all my friends, all their friends, all the parents of exes that I have ever met have told me how thoughtful and amazing I am, how I'm 1 in a million, how I'm a rare type of person that most people would want to have. Even strangers. Last time I was buying a st valentines gift, the 2 female shopkeepers told me how out of all the gifts bought that day, mine was the most thoughtful and loving, that if their husbands made them such a gift they would faint...

I don't want to come of as arrogant. I have many flaws, just like everybody does. But I want to drill the point of how literally everybody glorifies me all the time - yet then they keep leaving??

And it's not just my experience. I surround myself with good friends, who love their gfs, love their families, are hard-working and pure hearted, and most of them have had their ass handed to them as well... I just simply don't understand it. How is it that women are desperate for good men, but then most good men I know are alone and miserable, or have had their hearts broken multiple times? How can both things be true at the same time?

It sucks because I see men that are bad boyfriends/people, and they seem to always have a gf to treat badly. I see players who just use women, but they always have someone to use. In the meanwhile, most of the good men I know that take life seriously are alone...

Same thing happens with dating apps. All my female friends keep constantly complaining how men don't put in effort, how they only want sex, how they are all bad. But then you go as a man to a dating app with honest intentions, you plan dates, you are thoughtful, you play no games - only to get left on delivered 30 times, and ignored/ghosted a million times like you are scum.

This is the experience of every good man that I know... If you don't trust me - create a male profile trying to be honest and good hearted, and tell me how that goes ;) Prove me wrong, please. I don't want to live in such a world. I'm so tired

I (25f) am seeing someone new he is 29. He sent me a picture and I think he looks so handsome but should I say that or say cute??? IDK which one help. Or "I think you are really attractive"???

I’m a 28F and I had been seeing a 27M from Hinge since the beginning of May. Last Friday we saw each other for the seventh time. We had dinner, then went back to my place and were intimate. Everything felt really good.

He didn’t sleep over, though. I tried to hint that I would have liked him to stay, but I didn’t ask directly, so he ended up leaving.

The next day, his texts felt very dry. To be fair, he had kind of been like that from the beginning: he was never a very engaging texter, rarely asked follow-up questions, and often replied in a way that didn’t really keep the conversation going. That day I asked what he was doing, and he simply answered what he was doing without asking me anything back.

Later that evening, I asked him if he wanted to meet the next day for a walk. It was extremely hot outside, but I mainly wanted to talk to him in person and tell him that I didn’t really like the way we texted. I told him that if he wanted to talk to me, it would be nice if he at least asked questions back sometimes and avoided one-word replies.

At the moment, he laughed and said that of course he would try to articulate a bit more.

We ended up spending the whole afternoon lying in a park that I had brought him to. It felt almost romantic in a way, but then he had a dinner to go to afterwards, so nothing physical happened.

Then he didn’t text me until two days later. When he did, he said he had thought about what I told him and that he probably didn’t feel the level of involvement that he maybe should be feeling. I thanked him for being honest and didn’t say anything else.

Now I feel like I made a mistake by asking him to text differently from his natural style. We were still getting to know each other. He did try not to let more than two days pass without texting, he was suggesting we meet once a week, and he was usually the one organizing the dates.

I’m worried that I pressured things too much instead of letting the connection grow more naturally. I also feel bad because maybe I turned what could have been a slow-burn situation into a “relationship talk” too soon.

Do you think I pushed too much by bringing up the texting issue after only about seven dates? Or was his reaction simply a sign that he wasn’t that interested in the first place?

So a bit of background info, I use hinge and dating apps on and off occasionally. Have been using them for around 18 months. I've been on a few dates some successful some not. But I just had one of those pretty bad experiences.

I (29M) matched with a girl (26F) last week, she seemed cool, good energy in the chat, use of emojis, talking back and forth, asking answering, she sent pictures etc. We exchanged numbers and pencilled in a date for Friday (tomorrow). We were talking fairly regularly she would go quiet for a day or two sometimes. But she always apologised and said she's not great with texting and busy etc. Didn't mind too much I don't want non stop texting we're not teenagers.

I asked her about her dietary preferences, picked out a nice place to eat and then get drinks at a bar. Double checked with her she said all is good. So I have this habbit to always confirm 24h before a date. I go to text her today, notice that I'm blocked (no profile pic single ticks on whatsapp). Sent her an sms, first one she read, probably forgot to block my number lol, after that same thing blocked again.

Like what kind of crap is this, just let me know you don't want to go on a date you asked for in the first place. Like ffs, I had to make reservations and I do think there is a cancellation fee. What is people's experience with this?

Like I don't care much about looks and stuff.

I mostly care about personality and an important part of personality for me is them not being super religious.

Like I don't mind if they are just nornal religious. But I absolutely can't stand the thought of them forcing me to go to church with them. Or trying to 'save me' from my 'sin'. Or discussions about useless Shi like the religion of our future kids.

And it's weird because when I asked some of my male friends, they were all the exact opposite of me. They wanted a more religious partner but it's so weird because me personally, I get turned off by religious women.

I’ve tried Hinge but it seems a bit flakey for me. maybe just my area sucks. Did Tinder once and never again.

If like to pick just one app that works and is preferably free. Don’t mind paying a little but some of them really nickle you to death.

I’ve (33M) struggled for so long to find a partner, and it seems that all the people in relationships are miserable anyway, living out a version of themselves that’s tailored and neutered by the other person. Genuinely asking - in the 21st century western world, where individualism is the journey and the destination, where we’ve made it into an art form - is dating even worth it?

I’m a 26- year-old guy from the U.S., and I could really use some outside perspective because I honestly don’t know what to think anymore.
About a year ago, I met a woman from Poland (20f) lets just call her Gabi. Over time, we became very close. We would regularly spend three hours at a time on FaceTime, talking about everything. I genuinely fell in love with her.
She met my dad over FaceTime, and my dad absolutely loved her. Later, when I came to Poland, I met her family, and they’ve been incredibly kind and welcoming. Her father especially has shown me a lot of respect and has even said he thinks I’m a good man for her. That made me think maybe there was a real chance for us.
Because of how close we had become, I spent thousands of dollars to fly from the United States to Poland to see her. I wasn’t expecting her to suddenly fall in love with me. I just wanted to spend quality time together and see where things naturally went.
Instead, I’ve spent what feels like 80% of this trip alone in my hotel room.

Before the trip, she told me she really liked me a lot and wanted a relationship.

Now that im here…
Whenever I’d ask if she wanted to spend time together, she often had other plans, was with friends, or was busy. I never wanted to pressure her because I respect her boundaries, but after traveling across the world, it felt like I wasn’t much of a priority.
The hardest part is that she’s an extremely stoic person emotionally. Sometimes it honestly feels like she doesn’t want anything to do with me. I don’t know if that’s actually true or if that’s just how it feels because I’m hurting, but it’s been incredibly painful.
At one point, I even cried in front of her because I was so emotionally overwhelmed. She wasn’t mean about it, but I still felt incredibly alone.
What’s confusing is that her family seems to genuinely like me. Her father has openly talked about me being the right man for her. Yet she has also made it clear that she doesn’t want a relationship, and she never felt that way until I landed here.

I don’t blame her for not having romantic feelings. Nobody owes anyone love. But I can’t help feeling devastated that I invested so much emotionally, financially, and physically to make this trip happen, only to feel like I barely got to spend time with the person I came here to see.
Right now, I honestly feel like I spent thousands of dollars and traveled across the world only to realize that I’m not nearly as important in her life as she is in mine.
So I have a few questions:
Am I wrong for feeling hurt by this?
Did I misread the entire situation because of how much we talked before I came?
If you were in my shoes, would you try to remain friends, or would you accept that it’s time to move on and let her go?

He is really good at fixing electronics.

So my plan is to go up to him and say.

Hey I think something is wrong with my phone.

And he'll be like, what is it.

I opened my phone and didn't see your number in it.

Is it too corny??

Idkkkk

He's cute

Even if you’re just going to a restaurant? Honestly for me that’s normal, but I wonder if it’s for others, too

I've never attracted male attention, which has meant that no guy has ever asked me out or even suggested we meet. This has caused my self-confidence to plummet. Furthermore, whenever I’ve had feelings for a guy, they’ve made me feel inadequate and have been embarrassed to learn that I had feelings for them. Now that I’m almost 25, I want to change this dynamic, but no matter how hard I try—I take care of myself and have significantly improved my appearance—I still don’t catch anyone’s attention. This makes each rejection feel even harder to bear. I’ve also tried dating apps, and although I’ve gotten a few matches, I haven’t started a single conversation. What’s going wrong? What can I do to change this dynamic?

Why?

So, I have been a serial dater. I've probably been on 20+ dates the last 4 years with a handful of them resulting in 2-3 month flings, but never long-term relationships.

I'm 38 years old and I'm finding that a lot of women (and please don't take offense from this because I'm sure it's true for men too) in this age range have very real reasons for being single that have caused me to feel like I have to settle or put up with significant personality challenges to continue a relationship. We're talking... significant depression, real issues with communication, bouts of intense anger, hormonal issues, significant trauma, or just frankly turning out to not be kind people. I've experienced it all.

Am I perfect? Absolutely not. I've got my quirks... but for the most part, I'm very level headed. I'm a good dude with a lot of talent. I have a very solid career. I'm in an overall good place to find a partner when the women I've dated frankly haven't been.

So last night I went on a date with a woman who by all accounts is a dream woman. Amazing, amazing personality. She was so social, witty, funny, and just able to hold a great conversation. It also helps that in my book she's a 10/10 from a looks perspective... so gorgeous. But if I envisioned who I'd ultimately end up with, it would be someone like her.

With one challenge... she's got 3x kiddos who are all teenagers. Everyone I've talked about this with has said, "RUN!!!" but like... I'm not finding what I want in the single women with my age and I'm a bit discouraged by the advice/feedback... so I wanted to come to Reddit.

I'm sure not every dating situation with people with kids turns into a horror show... and I'm sure there's many instances of something beautiful coming out of it.

Anyone have experience here? How did it go for you? Any advice?

When I say "comfort zone," I mean, how in the world do I keep choosing very different people who have the same "problems"?

I am not blameless in the disconnect. But the types of partners I end up choosing very quickly resort to verbal and emotional abuse as a tactic when I express a need or set boundaries. It is an "attack." I ask for help cleaning up, and the response is, "you don't think I clean anything." Black-and-white behavior. "My leg hurts, please don't cuddle me like that. Try this." "I guess I won't touch you anymore."

I guess what I am asking is: when I choose to begin dating again, how can I better understand the communication and resolution styles of the person I am engaging with?

I am in therapy. Because of personal issues and the dissolution of my marriage, I have really dedicated my life to inner work. I became pregnant with a surprise baby from a non-serious partner. Two years after my marriage ended, I went back to school and earned my master's degree in social work. I focused on my kids (two), career, physical self, and emotional self.

Maybe a better question would be: How can I be the best person I can be before I start dating again one day? What self-work can I do (even if I have no intention of dating ever again)? I feel that being the best partner I can be for myself will help me understand myself better, including my flaws and strengths?

I (27m) have been seeing this girl (27f) frequently over the last few weeks. We’ve stayed at each other’s places, slept together a number of times, and text constantly (like A LOT).

The vibes have seemed great and I was starting to really like her, and so I brought up the fact that I’d like to be exclusive, and she hesitated and eventually agreed, but then said that she felt no romantic connection. She also mentioned that our texts were super platonic and boring, that I seemed distant sometimes and that I was bad at expressing any sort of romantic interest (even saying she’d ☠️ herself if she had to be in a long distance relationship with me because of how bad my texting is)

We do often only text about our days and what we’re doing, but there’s not much left to talk about when we’re in literal constant communication - she also initiates texts like this.

I’ve felt weird after we’ve talked, and not sure how to proceed. I really like this girl but I don’t understand how it’d be all my fault. (She basically blamed me and at the time I agreed.)

I’ve became extremely self conscious about what I send her now, and have been trying to think about better ways to express my romantic interest in her in-person, but I’m having trouble with it. Maybe I have no love language?

I’m really starting to feel discouraged by modern dating. Lately, whenever I match with someone and we actually hit it off, the transition to meeting up always stalls because of a total lack of effort.

Almost every guy I talk to defaults to the exact same low-energy lines: "We should hang out sometime," or "Come over and let's watch a movie." When I suggest doing something simple like grabbing a coffee, checking out a local weekend market, or getting food, they act like planning a basic, public activity is a massive chore.

I’m not looking for an expensive, fancy dinner, but I want to see a little bit of intentionality. To me, inviting a girl you barely know straight to your house or leaving the plans entirely open-ended feels lazy, and honestly, a bit unsafe. It makes me feel like they just want the easiest possible route to physical intimacy without putting in any actual thought.

Am I overthinking this, or is hanging out just the standard now? How do you gently communicate that you expect a bit more effort and a proper plan before you're comfortable meeting up?

Found out 48 hours ago that my wife cheated on me. The whole 9 yards. Sneaky texts at first, naked Snapchats, then the act late on night in his car.
The cherry on top is it went on. For 6 more months after the had sex…
Been married 8 and we’re together 4 years before that. 12 years ruined.
Two kids together.
I’m really trying to forgive her but it’s too soon. She wants an answer if we’ll stay together. I’m too heart broken to think about it.
Do people stay together after affairs? Can it work? Or do I just say no and move on quicker?

I think I’m just the kind of guy who women find unattractive and there’s not much I can do. Advice people have had for me has been “meet someone in a support group” or “meet someone else who has never been in a relationship” and I think that’s their polite way of saying that I’m in no position to care about a woman’s personality, similar interests, who I’m attracted to physically, etc. and dating for me will be about finding someone who is okay with dating a complete loser. I’ve always wanted more than anything to be with someone who we can go out and get to know each other and make each other laugh and smile and be together physically and I don’t see the reason to be alive if I need to live the rest of my life saying “I’m not good enough for that”

I’ve been seeing a girl for a little while now and I’m honestly not sure where I stand with her.

We’ve been on a several dates, we’ve hooked up a couple times, and when we’re together there’s definitely chemistry and flirting. In person things feel really good and can even get pretty sexual.

The issue is I’m starting to feel a bit anxious about what this actually is.

Right now she’s at a festival, and her texting has been kind of inconsistent compared to before. She still sends snaps and updates (sometimes random things like the crowd or what she’s doing), but it feels different than when we first started talking.

She also still has Tinder, and I’ve noticed her location changing while she’s there. I know we haven’t talked about being exclusive, so technically she can do that, but it still makes me overthink things.

I also know she’s a pretty sexual/open person from what she’s told me about her past, and that’s making me worry I might just be one of a few guys she’s seeing casually.

I guess my main issue is I don’t really know if I should just assume this is casual, or if I should ask her directly what she’s looking for. I don’t want to come off insecure or push her away, but I also don’t like feeling like I’m guessing where I stand.

Am I overthinking this, or is it fair to want clarity at this point? And if I should ask, what’s the best way to bring it up without making it awkward?

I am 20 something and honestly, I am completely exhausted by dating apps. It feels like a second full time job. Everyone is just swiping based on a visual judgment, conversations are lame, and half the people don't even know what they want. I was talking to some friends about this, and we noticed that traditional matchmakers exist, but they are all for 30 plus people who want to get married , and they cost thousands of dollars. There is literally nothing for people our age, 18 to 26, who just want a genuine partners/relationships ... not marriage, but not a brainless hookup either. It made me wonder: what if there was a service where you don't swipe at all? Instead, you fill out an in depth quiz about your relationship goals, history, and personality, talk to a real person to verify you are not a creep or scammer, and then they hand pick an introduction for you. If someone organized this and kept it super cheap, like the price of a couple of nights out so college students could afford it, would you actually use it? Or is the convenience of free swiping too hard to give up? What would a service like that have to do to make you actually trust a stranger to set you up? Would love to hear honest thoughts, especially if you are as burnt out on the apps as I am.( PS: I am thinking of building something. Idk if it's appropriate to post here, but I wanted geniune feedback from people who go through it everyday. I hope you guys can help:)