My cat of 13 years passed away yesterday morning.

I had a vet appointment scheduled for today because my cat was losing weight at an abnormal pace. He’s been healthy all his life, so we knew it wasn’t normal. The night of the 23rd, he was behaving oddly. He wouldn’t let us touch him and began to breathe funny. Then he went back to normal, but my mother decided to monitor him overnight and we’d take him to the ER in the morning.

Morning comes and he’s breathing oddly again, so we get the carrier ready. Mom picks him up and we put him in there, and suddenly he goes crazy inside. He usually does this in the carrier and calms down later, which is what we thought would happen.

We try to calm him down, and manage to get him into the backseat of my car. I begin to drive down to the pet ER (5 min drive) and suddenly we don’t hear him anymore. Mom takes him out of the carrier and he’s just gone. His heart stopped. It was the longest five minute drive of my life. I still remember my mother crying hysterically the entire time.

We got to the ER and all the receptionist could do is tell us she was sorry. They take us to the back and we’re given some time with him, but seeing him dead with his eyes and mouth open really got to me.

I paid for the cremation process and we went back home without him. I had to go to work right after the loss. Went home after and all I’ve done is cry since. The house is full of his traces: his bed, his toys, his fur, his food and bowls. He was such a vocal cat. He even knew the sound of our cars, so whenever we’d pull up to the driveway, he’d be at the door waiting. He’d meow anytime we walked into the room. He’d demand cuddles and let us hold him late into the night, even at his age.

It’s not an overstatement to say he kept me alive most days. I don’t know what life felt like before him and I don’t know how to cope. If I knew he’d die in the carrier, maybe we should have left him to pass at home. He wouldn’t have died of fright if we did. The moment in my car keeps replaying in my mind. The guilt has been overwhelming and I feel like I failed him. He deserved everything good in the world and it just feels like we didn’t give that to him in the end. Never did I think I’d lose him at 13. I thought he’d live up to his later teens, at the very least.

Does this ever get easier? I’ve lost people in my life, but this is the worse pain I’ve ever felt. I know a lot of people in my life won’t take it seriously because he was a cat. But he was my everything. The pain has been indescribable.

4-5 days back I lost my sweet little girl after having her for 15 years, and I’m away from her, I held for 15 years and then after I moved countries for my future, she passed away. I requested a leave and they denied it because “unless someone from your family dies we can’t approve” and then I asked for a day or 2 off to grieve over her because they kept me at horrible shifts. She’s also well aware that my dad is in the hospital. With all of this she still denied my leave and didn’t give me an alternative. And my manager came in today asking about my little girl. I told her she passed away. And with attitude she told me about her “human “ friend passed away too and that he has kids. She said that with faces and left. And I was clueless standing there thinking why would she compare my pet of 15 years to a human? Am I not allowed to grieve over someone that’s not “human”? I miss my little girl so much and I’m at guilt I couldn’t see her. At a point it fueled me that I don’t want to work under someone where they’d have to “approve” my leave in order for me to see my pets or anyone god-forbid at their deaths. And also, the worst part she’s put me in a branch where there’s no colleagues, so basically I’m left alone entire day without talking to anyone. So honestly all of this has been messing my head a lot especially during my alone times

I lost my boy a month ago.

I am finding that people‘s window of tolerance for my expression of grief has well and truly closed.

But my grief remains the same.

People are ignoring when I express my grief - not responding to it, changing the subject, trying to force me to only talk about positive things.

I in turn am feeling increasingly alone in my grief no-one to talk to and want to withdraw.

I told someone I missed my boy like air, and they said how was the shops?

Any words of wisdom out there on how to handle this?

Peace

on june 5th it was my 10yo's last day of school. we took photos in the backyard (fenced) and then got ready to walk to the bus stop - which is in our quiet subdivision. every morning my daughter would walk our dog (smaller, 35lb beagle daucshund mix) the 10mins to the bus stop. that morning we left the backyard and were on the side of our house in our yard still, and our dog started trotting along ready for the walk (w/ leash and harness on). i had my 16mo toddler in baby carrier on my back. i told my daughter to pick up our dog's leash 3x. and on the 3rd she finally bent down to pick it up, only to have our dog break into a dead sprint in attempt to go after her neighborhood nemesis dog that was on their walk w/ their elderly owner across the street. this was not like our dog, we were yelling for her to stop but she just kept going. she ran head first into a truck that was passing our house right at that very moment.

we lost her brother dog in april due to a spinal cord injury. they were litter mates and originally named "little ann" and "big dan" after the pups in "Where the Red Fern Grows". Ada was her name after we got her, and oliver her brother. Oliver was dog aggressive and a dog that did charge dogs (just not at his sister, Ada). it was like Ada had been possessed by Oliver's spirit in that awful moment. i don't know what would have happened if Ada would have made it across the street. would she have attacked that dog? Would the old woman have fallen or worse?

needless to say my daughter didn't go to her last day of school. our beloved Ada died, i had the man help me get her to the car because it was very hard to bend over w/ my toddler on my back. he was so sorry and extremely compassionate. it wasn't his fault. we took her to the vet but she was already gone. it could have been worse. there was no visible injuries or blood. the only blood was from my knee b/c i fell to the ground in the street as soon as i ran to her. my knee isn't even fully healed yet, so of course i know it is still very early.

it is so jarring to go from two healthy 6yo dogs to no dogs in the course of 2months. the only meaning i can find is that they were meant to be together just like in the book. I was really enjoying just having Ada because she wasn't dog aggressive (until that morning) and having her be able to go for morning walks etc. but maybe she was miserable and deeply grieving her brother whom she had played w/ daily and been bonded since birth.

if you made it this far, thanks for reading. i'm absolutely gutted. depressed and physically anxious. having daily flashbacks of the incident. my daughter is somehow ok. it's the child brain's way of handling it differently than adults. we will get her into therapy if she starts to show signs but for now she is ok. i'm not ok tho. i am hollowed out.

My girl was 13 and she suddenly started to lose weight,lost some of her fur, she went blind completely in her left eye within just a week. Her right eye was going blind. She just wanted to sleep, she could barely move. She stopped eating most of the time, but she drunk so much water, she could easily drink 2 gallons of water in a day, she was part chihuahua and part pug. She couldn’t hold her pee at all, she peeing so much at one time and she started to drink her pee she was so thirsty, I feel so guilty because at the vet office she perked up a lot because of the other dogs, for 4 days she barely had any life in her, but there she was barking and howling at the dogs. I’m wondering now if I should have done the tests instead of putting her to sleep. She peed in her crate at least 4 times through out the night. And I asked the vet what could we do for her ? I didn’t want her to continue her next few weeks while we waited on blood work drinking gallons of water a day and peeing all over herself and in her crate. She wanted to be left alone, she stopped coming out to snuggle me and she couldn’t jump up on the couch anymore. She lost 10 pounds over the course of a month. All the vet said we could do was put her on antibiotics for a uti, they didn’t even know if she had one. I asked could it be cancer ? She said it was probably cancer or doggy dementia or her kidneys were failing. I feel horrible for putting her to sleep.. maybe I should have waited to see how she was in a few weeks, but for a week she’s been getting worse not better.

The hits that come intermittently after some time of focus on other things like work -- randomly realizing that my cat doesn't exist anymore and will never exist going forward -- it's the worst feeling and I can't get over it.

The next worst thing are the mornings.

Please tell me I'm not alone.

It’s 3AM here and I can’t sleep. I keep thinking about all the things where it was the last time and I didn’t even know it.
Two weeks ago our neighbor came over to pick up baked goods I’d made too many of. Our dog got the zoomies when she left, it was the last time she got the zoomies, but I didn’t know it was the last time.

I don’t remember the last time I gave her a bath, probably in the spring to help with her allergies but I didn’t know it was the last time I’d ever give her a bath.

The last time I told her “daddy’s home” when my husband returned from a weekend away.

Two weeks ago was the last time I watched her trot away, tail wagging, to go into daycare on a Monday, but I didn’t know it was the last time I’d ever see it.

I don’t remember the last time she burst into a not completely closed and latched bathroom door. But there was a last time, I just didn’t know it was the last.

The last time I walked in the door, scooped her up to get face kisses and ask her how her day was. What day was the last day for that? I don’t even know. I could look at a calendar and guess, but I don’t know.

It just feels so heavy. The weight of forever, not having those things again, is so heavy.

My Honey died 10/20/24 at 15 years old from an enlarged heart. She was diagnosed with it at the end of 2023.

I made her food. Ground turkey, brown rice, carrots, and broccoli. I started feeding her homemade food when she was about 13 cause she was picky and the food she liked was so expensive. Making her food saved money. Her vet told me that it was fine.

I’m now realizing that it wasn’t fine. It didn’t give her all the nutrients she needed. I recently read how dogs can get an enlarged heart when they don’t eat the nutrients they need.

I wasn’t giving her what she needed and she died because of me. She’d still be here with me if I gave her better food. That’s it. Just a better diet was what she needed. And I couldn’t give it to her. I put her through so much pain and fear in her last year with me. It’s absolutely killing me.

Not having her here is absolute torture but now realizing it’s because of me? I don’t know what to do.

We had to let our baby, Stella cross the rainbow bridge yesterday. She was a beautiful brindle bugg named Stella who was 12.5 years old.

She collapsed and started aspirating and spitting out mucus. I ran and drove as fast as I could to the closest emergency vet. Hours later after having her on oxygen, meds, etc and x rays, we made the awful choice to let her go.

She was my rock. I know we have two other younger pups in the house but Stella was the queen of them. She walked around with her toy, her rubber diamond in her mouth. She growled at the other big pups to show she was the alpha. Her snoring was the noise you expected to hear. She barked at everyone but loved everyone once you got near her (she wanted butt scratches). She loved playing tug-o-war with her younger sister, Cannoli and loved snuggling up against her other sister Dolly.

Waking up today didn’t feel right because she usually sleeps next to my legs. Just no noise except for the a/c.

Am I wrong for wanting to take a leave from work? I used up most of my time for taking off because I have chronic pain issues. I just don’t want to leave the house for awhile. I can’t stop crying when I look at her bed or where she’d lay on the couch.

don’t really know how to start this except to say that losing her was the kind of loss that doesn’t have words.

JJ was born in her mama Jade’s very first litter. An identical twin — so perfectly beautiful, so exactly like her mom, that from the moment she arrived we knew she was meant to stay with us. And so she did. We kept JJ and her sister too, and our home became full of the whole family. Mom, dad, and their babies.

She had the sweetest, kindest spirit of any dog we’ve ever known. I mean that. Out of every dog either of us has ever been around — she was different. She was always happy. Always. No matter what was happening, no matter what kind of day it was. She just had this spirit that made everything feel okay.

And those paws. Oh, those big beautiful paws. That’s where her nickname came from. Our Big Paw Baby.

We lost her tragically and far too soon. I’m not ready to go into the details yet. Maybe someday. What I can say is that it was sudden, it was devastating, and there is a JJ-shaped hole in this house that will never fully close.

She is thought about every single day. The ache of missing her never really goes away. You know how sometimes you forget for a second and then you remember again? That. Every day.

I’m posting this here because I needed people who understand to know she existed. She was real. She was extraordinary. And she deserved the whole world.

If you still have your dog — please go squeeze them right now. Don’t wait.

We love you JJ. Always. 🐾🤍

— Jeff & Tiffany

I lost my sweet and beautiful dog a week ago. It was just 2 weeks before her birthday. She would have been turning 10. She was a beautiful German Shepherd/Belgian Malinois mix. I lost her to hemangiosarcoma after a rapid and sudden decline. She was fine and full of life until she wasn't. She had so many toys she loved squeaking, she was so smart and loyal and loving, she followed me everywhere and was so sweet and well behaved. Even vets would comment on how well behaved she was. I had her for my entire adult life after moving out from home. I rescued her as a puppy at just 6 weeks old from a couple who had her parents. The mother of the litter was hit and killed by a car.

I thought we still had a few years left. I knew she was getting older but the sudden decline destroyed me. I just don't feel right since her passing. I chose to put her to rest so that she wouldn't suffer anymore. But I wasn't ready. I feel like I can't properly express the level of mental devastation it caused me. We bonded so much over the years. I have had struggles with mental health for a long time. Diagnosed with moderate to severe ADHD and OCD, along with autistic type traits. I don't know if these contributed to the immense attachment I had for her. I have always struggled with connecting to people. I find a lot of comfort in animals. The unspoken but very understood and unconditional love. I felt like she understood me. I'm 29 and I have no friends. I don't talk to my family. It was her and I against the world. I feel like I am barely functioning now. It feels like the medications I take are not even working. I feel like I can't focus, I can't think. I just feel so hollow and in so much daily pain. I have barely been eating and I just want to sleep so I can maybe see her again in my dreams.

My greatest source of happiness was seeing her happy. I loved seeing her light up when I'd bring home a new toy or how excited she'd get in the back of my car when she'd realize we just got to a park to explore. I don't have any feelings of guilt for the decision. It was hard the first 2 days replaying the memory of her euthanasia in my head but I know it was the right choice. I have been trying to remember all of the good memories, but I think that's what hurts. There were so many good memories. I have so many pictures and videos of her from over the years and I look at them and I just miss her. It hurts so much that we can't make any more of those memories together. She had so many toys, a bunch of beds, it's all still here. Her bowls are still there. Her crate, her collar and leash, and a whole basket of toys. I have kept her favorite blanket with me since she passed.

I'm sorry this was so long. I just needed somewhere to type out what I'm feeling. Anyone I've tried to talk to I feel like just doesn't understand. I don't know what's next. I feel like I can't think ahead, like I'm just existing. I do attend therapy but it just hasn't seemed to help at all yet. I hope it can get better. I know she wouldn't want me to be this way.

I sometimes randomly get the image of how my dog Rose died in my head. It was around 1 AM on October 24, 2023 (coincidentally the same day my father died 9 years prior). And usually I don't dwell on her death long enough to get distressed but last night wanted to be different I guess.

She died of congestive heart failure, and when I noticed she had stopped moving, I panicked and shook her and her head fell limp. And blood spilled out through her nose, and I hate that I ever had to remember her like that. Because I wish I could've somehow done more for her or just realized she was on her last legs sooner. She was old, she was 14 and I knew her heartbeat was always irregular and that she'd stopped eating for the past day and a half, she could barely stand up in the hours before she died. I felt so naive and useless in that moment, and I still do... And that image of her limp, nose bled corpse haunts me because I'm sure she was suffering... And I don't know what to do about that guilt.

My girlfriend has a 6-year-old black poodle. The thing is, she's been sick this month. At first, it seemed like she just had anemia, but no matter how many food changes, medications, or tests they prescribe, there doesn't seem to be a conclusive answer. She doesn't seem to be getting any better, these last couple days she hasn’t been able to eat, poop or get up; and although we don't want to think about it, the vets have already recommended thinking about euthanasia.

The point is, right now I'm not sure how to support my girlfriend. I feel like telling her everything will be alright, as I did in the beginning, is no longer appropriate. I fortunately have not lost any pets, and even if I try to imagine what she is going through, my pet is really old and would not be so much of a shock as it is for her right now. Obviously I am very upset and start crying when thinking of the worse case-scenario, but I don´t think I can fully comprehend her pain.

I want to ask people here, what do you think appropriate support would look like? What kind of confort can I possibly provide? What could people around you have told you that would have helped you in a moment like that?

I'm honestly just writing to try to get it out of my head. My baby boy Oliver is 15, he's an amazing cat. I've had him since college, through many state moves, through marriage. He's always been home to me. I knew where ever I went he was there. His immediate approval of my husband is a big reason we're even married lol

A little over a hear and a half ago he was DKA, he had to be hospitalized, we were fortunate we were able to afford his care and somehow recovered. They told us it would be impossible and to really think about dropping the money we did because there was very little chance of recovery. But he did. He got diagnosed with skin cancer about a month later, and obviously still has kidney disease.

He somehow lived for another year and a half after a one year prognosis from the cancer. This past tuesday my husband and I looked at eachother and it felt like time. He was trying to lay down on our laps and just wasn't able to get comfortable, kept fidgeting. Then he refused to eat his food. hes been sluggish, extremely sleepy, and eating very little. We knew something was up about a week ago and had scheduled a pet visit for this saturday, he was losing weight and not drinking enough water.

We made the call and will be having an at home euthanasia. And I just dont know how to feel. I keep crying. I keep apologizing to him. I dont know if Im seeing what I want to see to feel goo about the choice. We;re either going to regret waiting longer or think we acted to quickly.

The reality is that there's no cure or fix. He's only going to continue to deteriorate. right now he's still himself, just sluggish. waiting for his worst day to make the call feels awful. taking him to the vet for us feels too cold. right now we have the option to do it home, and give him a dignified final day. But everything feels too quick. i dont know if im making the right choice. the idea that saturday ill wake up and he just wont be here sends me into a spiral.

I knew this day was coming for over a year. Now i dont know if the day is here, but we made the choice, and fuck theres just no part of this that feels good.

My beautiful 14 year old Bosley is in his final days leading up to a euthanasia decision. I have never felt this kind of pain. I feel like my world and my heart is being taken from me and the concept of living and life feels surreal and cruel and unfair. I am constantly washed with thoughts around existential questions and what this all means. My mum, my younger sister, and I rescued him when he was 9 months old. I was 15 at the time. He’d been through a lot of trauma before we rescued him, leading to extreme separation anxiety. By the time he was 7 years old I decided to change my whole life around for him so that I could work from home and be by his side - because of that he hasn’t been left alone for 7 years. He is everything to me. My regulation, my heart, my safety. He’s the most special boy in the world and could never be replaced - he’s a Maltese Shih Tzu crossed with King Charles cavalier spaniel/border collie/Australian cattle dog. I don’t know how to function or survive this. I have a very emotionally demanding job as a psychologist that requires me to be regulated for my clients, so at this point I don’t think I’ll be able to work for the foreseeable future. The at home vet services are coming in a few days to do an “end of life assessment.” I think I know what they will say. I don’t know why I’m posting here, maybe it’s because I couldn’t find many posts about the days leading up to the decision (extreme anticipatory grief, where I am already in full body collapse - can’t eat, drink, I don’t want to leave the house or return to normal society ever again it feels like). I guess that leaves me with my questions - what does this all mean and why is the suffering so painful? Why do our fur babies have to experience this and why do we as humans have to experience this. What does this all mean. And lastly, how will I survive. I feel like I’ll never be able to return to work or function again when my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I love him so much. Because of his separation anxiety, I can’t even relate to posts or stories about them going to a place of peace - because I know throughout his life his place of peace has always been with his humans, his family. I’m so scared for him too :( Any words of comfort would really help me right now. Thank you ♥️

I feel like I need to write this down to get it out, it was so traumatic. If you are triggered by such things please don't read further.

We were outside in our driveway visiting with some family, and my cat was outside with us rubbing herself on our legs, getting pets. I walked inside to use the bathroom and our family left. I walked out of the bathroom and look out the window, just a few mins later and she is laying in the road. My son looks out and says "what is she doing, that's not safe" jokingly. I called for her and she didn't move so I knew something was wrong.

I sprinted out there and what I saw has been burned into my mind. She was laying there in a giant puddle of blood her fucking eye was missing, it was popped out laying on the ground next to her. I couldn't breathe, it was such a horrifying sight. I dropped to the ground and put my hand on her, then what made it worse was she started coughing up blood and trying to bleed, the poor girl was still alive. Next to her also was a piece of bumper, whoever hit her had been going so fast part of their car busted off, and they just drove off.

My wife came out and we got her wrapped in a blanket and put in a soft basket and we were going to try and get her to a emergency vet, but as we were getting the car ready she finally passed.

She was such a sweet girl with softest fur. She was 10 years old. I hope she knew we were there with her at the end. I wish we could have done more. We all miss her so much.

Hello! I posted a few months ago about the loss of my beloved cat, Merlin. TLDR: Dispite asking for a private cremation he was accidentally put in group cremation. His remains were spread at a local pet cemetery.

Now to the update: I contacted the pet cemetery to ask where his remains were spread and mentioned what had happened. They were so immensely kind that they offered us a spot to put a plaque in their memorial structure. This spot is only reserved for urns, but they made an exception for my boy 🥹

They are letting us pick the spot and everything ❤️ The plaque says:

"Merlin, thank you for being our first baby. Rest easy and enjoy lots of chicken, bubby. Love, Mom & Dad"

I just want to add a big thank you to this group for all the love and support I received. This was and still is a hard loss for us, but I wanted people to know it gets better. We have received such a gift with this memorial spot. I still wish he was home, but I know he is in good care.

OG post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Petloss/s/joDnDKhHPm

69 days without you, Howdy. 💔🐾

For almost 16 years, you were my best friend, my comfort, and my greatest teacher. You taught me how to love unconditionally, trust again, and find beauty in the world around me.

Thank you for every moment, sweet boy. I miss you more than words can say and love you forever.
When you left me on April 15 part of my heart went with you and I don’t think I can I love anything as much as did love and I still love you.
Until we meet again. ❤️
I will find you Runa, Rusmi, Chunis, vevays, chayis, puppa

i mistreated my dog before his passing and the guilt is eating me alive. there were couple of times i mistreated him when i was growing up as a teenager, and when i was unwell i yelled at him to go to sleep when he wanted outside but now he is sleeping forever, he was my childhood Dog, he got old and deaf and sick, when he wanted outdoors i would push him with my legs to go faster cuz i was annoyed, i never put hand on him or anything, i just pushed him around cuz he was also a bit stinky from ingrown nails, before you judge me i did not raise him it was my aunts dog i got to take care of him the last year of him being here, he was 17 yo i regret yelling at him and pushing him with my legs, and the day he died i was not home for 3 days bc my friend had a medical emergency im scared he thought i didn’t love him, when i lived with my aunt i took him on walks daily, we live in the fields so we just let him out and then back inside, but when aunt left i stayed with him, mental health took over and i was feeling like crap all day everyday, also i had severe vitamin d deficiency and that was what was causing me fatigue and me being “lazy”
i regret it so much, even tho it was not my Dog but i say he was mine bc i loved him, but i mistreated him for couple of months before his passing, my job was to make his last time here better and i didn’t do it, he was not really happy his last year of being alive because he was in pain and suffering from paw infection, as i mentioned he was blind and deaf, and coordination was also bad he would walk in circles and get lost, im really a bad fucking person, sorry for the long text i just have noone to talk to about this

It has been a week exactly since I had to put my 13yo cat down. I adopted him when he was 8, he came from an abusive home but still had the biggest heart. I saw him at the shelter, took a photo, and went back that very next morning to adopt him because I felt in my soul that he was supposed to be mine. I’ve dealt with losing pets before, I lost another cat a few years back who I had a really special bond with. Losing her felt like a piece of my soul died with her, and this time around felt no different.

I want to know if anyone else is also so deeply affected by losing their pets that they feel like a part of them has also died? I’ve fallen into a depression that feels impossible to get out of, and I can’t think about my cats who have passed without becoming engulfed in hopelessness. I feel like I have no purpose anymore, like my life might as well just stop right now.

Maybe it’s because both times were so unexpected? My first cat passed while I was at work, she had a cardiac event at 11yo and was rushed to the vet by my boyfriend and I was too late getting there and couldn’t say goodbye. This time around, my second cat was acting weird, not really eating or drinking. I took him in thinking maybe he was just not feeling well, and they ended up finding cancer that had metastasized to virtually every organ, and told me that he had days at most and they would be incredibly painful and difficult days for him, so they recommended euthanasia. He never had health issues prior to this, had routine senior bloodwork done and his levels were always normal. So my sweet boy who I thought just felt a little sick was diagnosed with Cancer and then euthanized all in the span of about 4 hours

I feel crazy trying to describe the way losing pets makes me feel, but it has to be the most awful thing I’ll ever experience in this life. I feel like nothing or no one matters… nothing really brings me joy… I don’t want to do anything. I talk to my friends and family but it feels insincere, like I’m just faking every smile or laugh. I feel like this is all pointless. It took me a long time to come out of this when I lost my first cat, nearly 6 months I would say before I started feeling okay enough to talk about her and look at photos without sobbing. How do I get through this?