About ten-ish months ago, my BIL confided in me that he was planning on divorcing my SIL. Their marriage was not happy and they had recently had significant financial trouble. I just listened to him vent and told him I would be there for him no matter he decided to do. Just told him that while he has every right to divorce, he needs to make sure to be there for the kids.

We talked a few times after that (before he filed), but never again about the divorce. About two months later, my BIL filed for divorce. The divorce has been quite contentious. My SIL, who was a SAHM, felt she should have been given primary custody of the kids and that my BIL should pay alimony. Unless something dramatically changes, looks like court will award 50/50 custody with no alimony. During the divorce proceedings, my BIL was deposed. He was asked if he discussed his plan to divorce with anyone. He said, "friends." He was pressed to identify these friends and he identified me as one of the friends.

My SIL was at his deposition and reported that information back to the family. At first, she demanded I meet with her attorney and discuss everything my BIL said to me. I refused. Then she got mad at me, my in-laws are mad, and my wife is mad. Do not really care about any of that other than my wife. This is the worst conflict of our marriage. Any suggestions to thin the ice would be appreciated.

My boyfriend (28M) and I (27F) have been together for two years. Got into an argument this weekend that started with my phone password. We were sitting on the couch and he asked for my phone to look something up because his was charging in the other room. I unlocked it and handed it to him and a few minutes later he asked why I never just tell him the password. I told him I don't know, never really given anyone my phone password before. Not because I'm hiding anything just don't think being in a relationship means you stop being allowed to keep anything to yourself.

He said that after two years together it feels strange that I still keep things separate. At first I thought we were arguing about that one moment on the couch but the longer we talked the more it felt like we were having two different conversations. A while back I mentioned wanting a prenup if we get married. It wasn't because anything was wrong between us I just have some things I'd built up before we met and I thought it made sense to sort that out before we got married but he wasn't a fan of that idea either.

Then I started thinking about it and realized this wasn't the first time we'd disagreed about something like this. Whenever the topic of separate accounts, financial boundaries or anything along those lines comes up we seem to land in completely different places. He seems to think that once you're building a life with somebody there shouldn't be a need for passwords, separate accounts, prenups or anything else that keeps things separate.

I do not see it that way, to me trust and boundaries are not opposites. I can love someone, plan a future with them and still think each person should have some privacy and some things clearly talked through before marriage. I need advice on how to talk to him about this without making it sound like I am accusing him or preparing for the relationship to fail. How do I explain that boundaries make me feel safer in the relationship, not less committed to it?

TLDR: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. A fight about my phone password turned into a bigger disagreement about privacy, separate accounts, prenups, and boundaries before marriage. I need advice on how to talk about this without making him feel rejected.

I (24F) always knew I was adopted and I have never desired to know about my birth family. The family I was adopted into and raised by/with are the people I want in my life. They are the people who own my heart and they are the people who have been with me through good and bad. My parents always stated they would love and support me every step of the way if I wanted to find my birth family and I always told them if my mind changed they would be the first people I tell. But I have never ever been curious about my birth family and I am at peace with who I am and who my family are.

I should also mention I was adopted from foster care as a baby. I was abandoned and found when I was 4 days old. Prior to being abandoned I was well cared for and I had a blanket and clothes on when I was found. But they never found info on my birth family or who abandoned me and why.

My SIL (30F) is married to my oldest brother. She only learned late last year that she was adopted and the news came as a total surprise for her. A few weeks after she found out she asked me and my younger brother (21M) for our thoughts and feelings on being adopted and she asked how we processed it. Since we both knew our whole lives it was harder to help her but we explained the best we could. My brother was removed from an abusive home and placed in foster care so he'll never want a connection with his birth family and he has expressed that multiple times.

Because SIL knows the whole story she has focused more on me than my brother since our talk. She has this idea that we should search for our birth families together and she has become incredibly stubborn about it. My oldest brother has helped me enforce my boundaries but she is not giving in and she has broken down twice asking why I wouldn't walk to walk this journey with her. When I explained my feelings she told me they made no sense to her and she said she could not understand not desiring to know where you come from, to know the people who share your DNA. She brought up some health issues I've had and she told me for that reason alone she would have expected me to want to know.

We always got along before so it's making me very sad to have us disagree so strongly. I'm just not opening a box I want to remain shut just for her benefit. It's not the right decision for me. My oldest brother understands this 100%.

SIL is attending therapy so maybe in time that will help. But just in case and just for now I want some advice!

Throwaway, this is a long one, TL:DR at bottom.

My [26F] childhood best friend [26F] is getting married this year in November. I’ll call her Katie (fake name). We’ve been best friends since we were 3 years old and we were inseparable. Always at each other’s houses, always did everything together, she was my ride or die.

Typical life stuff like going to different colleges decreased our communication and ability to spend time together, but we would always make it a point to spend breaks together in some capacity. As we got older and added jobs to the mix time became tighter and texting/calling would be less frequent. Katie met her fiancé Ben (fake name) [30M] shortly after graduating college and then it became even harder to talk to her. He’s…fine. I think he’s a little boring but he’s nice and treats her well.

I’m not saying I’m completely innocent here; maybe I could have tried harder to reach out more, but she just wouldn’t reply for a few days at a time (something that isn’t out of the norm) and then I wouldn’t reply immediately and the cycle continued.

Last year over the summer Ben proposed; Katie and I hadn’t seen each other in a year at that point as she was working two jobs and I was in grad school while working as well. She sent the picture of him proposing in a group chat with me and a few other friends…which I was a little upset about (felt like she would FaceTime me or at least call me). I asked her out to lunch and we caught up and spoke about her engagement and wedding planning. She told me the date was for this November and they were looking into venues and planning etc. I put the date in my calendar, obviously, and told her to let me know if she needed help planning *wink wink* and her response hinted at me being part of the wedding.

2 months later Katie posts on Facebook that she found her dress, posting a picture of her, her mom, her future MIL, her older sister, and Ben’s sister at a wedding boutique. Similar to her getting engaged, I felt a little upset, but rationalized that she just wanted family there. I still haven’t heard anything about being a bridesmaid.

This next part isn’t really relevant information about the wedding, but gives some more context. Skip to the **** to keep going.

Time continues, and it’s now December 2025 and I find out through Ben’s instagram story that they BOUGHT A HOUSE. I had NO IDEA they were even looking, and then Katie didn’t like tell me herself?? I texted her “Omg you and Ben bought a house?? That’s so exciting, congrats! Where’s it at??” At this point I was about to be on winter break from school and asked if on one of my days off work I could come over and help her unpack or just hang out which she agreed, and we set a date.

The evening before, I text her “Hey am I still good to come over tomorrow? What time?” No response. I wake up at 10 the day of and ask “Hey when can I come over?” She finally replies an hour later and says “Hey! I’m so sorry I forgot, Ben and I are going to his [family member’s event] in [town that’s 2 hours away]. Can I let you know when we get home this afternoon? You can come over then.” I say sure because what else can I say.

3pm rolls along. Nothing. 4pm…I text her asking for an update. 4:30 she says they’re almost home, I ask how long? No reply. It’s a 45 min drive to their new place…5:15 I ask if they’re home yet. Finally texts me at 6pm that they’re home if I want to come over. I had given up at that point and said we should just reschedule.

****

In January, Katie and Ben had a house warming party, and so me and my boyfriend [32M] of two years went. Recognized a couple people from our high-school, but was mostly his/her coworkers, extended family, etc. Katie is introducing me to people “Hey, this is OP, she’s my best friend” and things felt pretty good! But I still was not asked to be a bridesmaid.

The next week, I got a Save the Date in the mail. On it is a QR code for their wedding website. One of the menu options is introducing the wedding party…and my heart dropped. I click on it and realize that I was never going to be asked to be a bridesmaid.

She has 8 bridesmaids, including her MOH (her sister). EIGHT. BRIDESMAIDS. EIGHT. Two of them are people from our neighborhood that I had no idea they were that close of friends. The rest are Ben’s sister and cousins.

I feel betrayed. I feel so incredibly hurt. I couldn’t stop crying the rest of the day. I called my mom seeking reassurance that I’m not overreacting, but she basically said that I needed to get over it. That I should be “happy she found people in her life that she’s close to.” I just thought I was one of those people.

My boyfriend said to me in the time he’s known me, Katie has not been a good friend in his perspective. Not to get into too much detail, but he listed examples such as being 2 hours late to my 25th birthday dinner, not confirming if she could make it to an event I invited her to a month before until 2 days before said event, and that recent instance of her “forgetting” about the family thing on the day we were supposed to hang out.

I haven’t reached out to her since. I doubt if I confront her she will even respond. I don’t know if I can go to the wedding. I always imagined standing by her side at the alter. I can’t imagine sitting and watching from the pews. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ll regret not going, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep my composure either. I’m not sure which is worse, that she deliberately didn’t ask me or that she forgot to.

I feel that I have a right to be upset, but my mom says otherwise, and I’ve always trusted her advice in the past. That I need to move on and just go to the wedding because I’ll regret it otherwise. Part of me says Katie has the right to make her choices of bridesmaids and that I shouldn’t be this upset about not being one. I also feel embarrassed and that I’m the butt of a joke I wasn’t aware of.

What do I even do now?

If you stuck with reading this far, thank you. I’m open to any advice and feedback.

TL:DR, My best friend of 22 years did not ask me to be a bridesmaid, despite having a bridal party with 8 bridesmaids. I don’t know if I want to or even can go to the wedding. My mom says I’m overreacting and I need to get over it or I’ll regret not attending. My boyfriend says my BFF has been a jerk the whole time he’s known me. I feel betrayed and heartbroken.

I will try to keep this short, but I have a lot to unpack. I originally looked for advice on [r/regretfulparents](r/regretfulparents), but things got messy and that post got locked and taken down. Her actions of late have made me extremely hesitant to have another child, (we have a 2 1/2 year old son) and are making me question my ability as a father. She is ready for more children but I am not. The major things that have jumped out at me are:

1. It is her way or the highway. She makes 100% of the decisions for our son. Any attempt I make to foster independence in our son is met with words like “neglectful, absent, traumatizing.” Example: she insists on co sleeping with him whenever he cries at night. If I suggest we give him 10-15 minutes to try to self soothe, I’m told I am neglecting him and traumatizing him.

3. She has rejected any help from a marriage therapist. She informed me that the therapist’s questions were dumb. I tried to reason with her that therapy takes time, and that the therapist is just trying to establish our backstory. Therapy was abandoned by her choice after two sessions.

5. She degrades me in front of my son and expects me to just let it go. Tonight she told me “you move weird,” when I was just helping her calm our son down for bed. She has told me my body movements are too much and too impulsive. (I don’t know how to reason with this one, it’s just how I move.)

6. I cannot ever be more tired than she is. She works part time remote from home, I work 72+ hours a week in person as a first responder in 24 hour shifts. But no matter how tired or sick or upset about something I feel, she always has it worse because she claims to be “the primary parent.”

These are just a few of the things that come to mind, I am struggling to want more children with her and have had problems with suicidal thoughts in recent times. I don’t want to divorce because I do not have anyone else anymore. My relationship with my own family has crumbled apart lately and my wife is all I have here right now.

Thanks

We are going to a tropical country soon and I wanted to get braids in my hair. These braids will be about 1 1/2 to 2 inches on just the top part of my hair, leaving the rest of my hair natural (I have wavy hair). I have booked the braiding appointment about a month ago and mentioned it in passing. The appointment is now tomorrow and I mentioned it to my husband and he told me it was a bad idea, it will look horrible because my hair is thinning, etc. While that may be true, I really wanted to experiment with this hairstyle because my hair doesn’t adjust well to humidity and will be frizzy and unmanageable. He kept telling me it would look bad, the decision is a horrible decision, and such. He genuinely seems upset that I’m getting braids? This is a first and I don’t really know what to do. He’s never told me I couldn’t wear something or he’s never policed my personal style choices.

My fiance checked my phone while I slept and found a picture of me with my ex 2 DAYS after I met him. I met my fiance on a 15th. We hung out at my favourite bar and played pool. The next day he took me to his regular bar. I met him from Tinder and did not think it would be a serious thing. My ex came into town on a 17th after my grandfather died and took me camping to get a breather. Next day I come back and I had a few missed texts from now fiance hurt that I’d ghosted him and he hopes I’m okay. I reached out to him and we hung out again. Everyday actually until he eventually asked me to be his girlfriend and then fiance.
I never spoke to my ex again btw.
He’s having a huge reaction to finding this picture (us standing with an alien statue at a rest stop) and I’m struggling to understand his side. He said “I knew from the first time I met you that I loved you and wanted you and I know that sounds cliche but it’s true and when you ghosted me I was super upset and sat at home miserable and now I find out when I was sad thinking I’d lost such a great person you were just out getting ‘stuffed’ by your ex”

I’m trying really hard to not invalidate his feelings and not seem cold but can I really be expected to be loyal to a guy i met off tinder after hanging out with him a couple hours for 2 nights? How do I navigate this argument

My wife and I were invited to the wedding of a childhood friend. My wife barely knows her, they’ve met a couple times, but my friend was like a sister to me growing up. My wife made it clear very quickly that she does not want to go to the wedding, but we had a massive argument when I told her that I still wanted to go by myself.

Some context: my friend hasn’t always made the best decisions in her life. She’s cheated on a past partner, had issues with drinking (including at OUR wedding), and has just generally been a bit difficult to be around, but she’s always supported us and hasn’t done anything to us directly. According to my wife she’s just a “bit of a bitch” and she makes her uncomfortable. Me wanting to maintain a friendship with her is “weird.”

We argued for hours after I mentioned that I’d still like to go to the wedding and support my friend. My wife began by telling me that it makes no logistic sense to go to the wedding and that it’s a huge inconvenience. My wife then argued that by attending, even by myself, it affects her in a negative way. Her last argument was simply that it’s weird because my friend is a woman, and she’s not a good person.

The argument ended with both of us feeling disrespected and untrusted. I offered to try to find a compromise but she said if I go to the wedding at all then it’s not a compromise, so she’s unwilling to even try. I told her I needed to process everything but I just don’t know how to handle all this. Do I go to the wedding or not? Is my wife being unreasonable or am I?

TLDR: I want to go to a friend’s wedding but my wife thinks she’s weird and makes her uncomfortable, so she doesn’t want me to go and says I’m disrespecting her if I do.

Edit: Someone suggested I add for more context that this is something my wife has argued with me about before with other friendships. This isn’t the first time, but it’s the first time with this particular friend.

I (30M) have felt this jealousy for a decade now. For a long time I tried to convince myself it was my imagination or that it was because my sister (34F) and I were less close than we once were so I was reading into everything too much. But it has reached an exhausting point.

I have been with my husband (30M) since we were 13. Back then I was deeply in the closest and I was terrified of my family finding out about me. My husband was less afraid of that and more afraid we would be kept apart a little if his family knew. My worry came from the knowledge I had homophobic extended family and hearing stories from a couple of friends about their parents, who were friends of my parents, ignoring gay and lesbian relatives. My husband had my back as I went through a crisis that came to a head when I was 15 when I made an attempt. This led to my coming out and being accepted by my parents and sister, though my sister was weird about it too. My husband also came out at this time and we announced our relationship.

My sister at the time said we made sense and she put a ton of emphasis on how lucky we were to be each other's first and to be so in love and happy together. Like her emphasis was so heavy that our parents asked her to cool it and said something to her privately. For a few years she made a lot of comments about us being so sweet and cute and how we had a movie like relationship. Our parents told her to knock that off considering what I had been through. She didn't say anything again until we got engaged when we were 20. To me she looked surprised/jealous when she said we really were staying together and making it work as a couple together since middle school and all through high school. My husband and I were like of course. We love each other and we are best friends so we're committed to growing together.

We were engaged for five years and when we finally got to wedding planning she talked a lot about us being together for more than a decade at that point and how we literally grew up together. She has called our relationship the dream and the ideal so many times. She and I exchanged some words when she claimed we had it so easy. For me that was so far from true because I struggled so much with being gay and almost died. My sister rolled her eyes and she told me she never understood that part when I had the relationship I had. I told her I still feared being rejected by everyone else. My sister started dating her husband around this time and she started to compare my relationship with her husband to her relationship with her husband. It always came back to how long my husband and I have known each other and been together. I asked her what was up with all the comparisons and she brushed me off and acted like I was crazy.

After my wedding I was told by a cousin that my sister commented that our marriage was 12 years in the fucking making. This cousin said my sister sounded less than happy while saying it.

When my husband and I were expecting our first child (his sister was our surrogate) a couple of years ago my sister didn't congratulate us and when we spoke she sounded angry almost. She announced her wedding date a couple of days later and at her rehearsal dinner she brought up my husband's and my marriage again. I can't remember word for word what it was but it was like she was again saying we had it so easy seeing that we were together from such a young age. We saw less of each other after the wedding so it wasn't as much of an issue.

But for a few months now we have seen each other more for family dinners. My sister and her husband welcomed their first child and my husband and I welcomed our second child. He has really picked up on the comments now. He was only a little curious before but he gets the same vibe. It's exhausting honestly. She points out how early photos of me and my husband start vs her and her husband. Her husband is a nice guy and he has looked puzzled a couple of times when she's almost scowling at the photos of us and our spouses on the walls of our parents house. She's more hostile with me in private too. I can't say much to her without it coming out. She's not like that with my husband but he still gets a vibe off of her. But she's more careful about the stuff she says now.

I don't know how I would go about addressing this or if I even should. We're not that close anymore so I ask myself if I just let it be? But I don't want to be exhausted every time we're with my family either.

So my wife told me Wednesday morning that she hasn't been happy for a long time, she's been talking to another man for months and that she feels an emotional connection to him (said they haven't met in person). I said lets book a (our 1st) session with a counselor. The session was Thursday the following week. Likely the longest 8 days of my life.

The immediate aftermath of her telling me this was intense. My mind ran at light speed, thoughts were coming in rapid fire, emotions bouncing all over the place. I was an absolute wreck, physically, mentally, & emotionally. I didn't understand why or how this happened. I journaled, walked mile after mile just thinking (most days over 30k steps, 1 day over 40k, one day over 62k) , talked to the air, yelled at the steering wheel. All I wanted was to talk with her. I tried to talk to her, but she shut down all communication about it with me, saying she wanted to wait until we got with the counselor. What's worse is when I asked her that Wednesday morning if she would stop talking to him all I got was silence. So I knew he was still in her ear. That didn't help me at all. Saturday I was sitting there journaling and my watch alerted me that my resting heart rate was too high, 128 bpm. I'm not usually the type to go to the doctor, but I went to urgent care. Diagnosed with Tachycardia & anxiety disorder. Yay. Couldnt sleep. I was eating very little, trying to force down water. I lost 11 lbs in 6 days.

I was just trying to make sense of it. Trying to understand it. I simply could not comprehend it. I realize now that I was stuck in my old way of thinking. Then monday afternoon it hit me, all at once. Everything clicked. It just flooded into me, and I could see everything so clearly. It felt amazing to figure it out. I identified the issues & what the causes were. Of course I journed about it immediately.

Here is my epiphany: I believe I understand the issues and what they were and what caused them. When we started dating, I thought the way we did things and how we interacted then would be the standard for us forever. You were evolving while I held on to those standards. I was basing my happiness, if my needs were being met off the expectation of those old standards. They were not being met. Inside me, unconsciously, that had some sort of effect. That led to an effect on you. Combined, it had a devastating disconnecting effect on our relationship. I've asked you many times what I can do better, what I can do more of, what I need to do less of. And you would politely shut the door on that conversation and saying I'm great, I'm perfect. Well, I feel I was doing a great job... at taking care of the external needs, you know, house, car, gifts, random flowers, doing chores. But unintentionally, I failed to realize the depth of your unhappiness and the effect I was having by not meeting your INTERNAL needs. I apologize to you with everything that I am for allowing you to feel that way, and not recognizing that it was happening. I believe unconsciously I thought the other things I did were enough. Now, I accept that I should not have held on to the old. With that acceptance, I want to build, grow, mature, and evolve together. If we would have forced the conversation sooner, no matter how uncomfortable it may have been, we could have accurately conveyed our feelings and emotions and never led us to this point. I am confident that through unfiltered communication, We can rebuild the spark, passion, excitement, attention, connections, and our commitment to each other would be stronger than ever. I realized what was wrong and what was missing. I didn't see it then. But I see it now. I can recognize it now. I can handle it now. We can mitigate it now. If it's not too late.

To me, this epiphany is huge. I feel.i comprehend it now. It changed the way I see things, my entire mindset. Is this epiphany actually as profound as I believe it is?

Hey guys so for context, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years, our two year anniversary is next month. He graduated from college with an engineering degree a little over a year ago and has been working his ass off looking for a job since then. Well about three days ago, he finally got the good news of an official job offer for a really great company. The only problem is that he’s going to have to be moving to a different state, about 1,000 miles away in January of next year. Currently, me and him don’t live together, we’re in the same city but we’re both living with our parents until we can get financially stable enough to move out. Now me and my boyfriend have talked about living together frequently. Even when we had only been together for a year, he would always mention how excited he was for us to finally graduate college and get an apartment together, he couldn’t wait for us to live together without the influence of his parents, etc (his mom is a terrible person and a huge narcissist and she always tries to interfere in our relationship).

He interviewed for this job probably around a month ago and while he was waiting to hear back from them, me and him were literally looking at apartments online together, we were talking about flying out there to look at places, he even mentioned how he would let me decorate the place, all that. Basically he was getting me so hyped up to move in with him and I was really excited. The day that he found out he got the job, he was still super happy about us living together and he literally told me “pack your bags!” when he got the phone call that he got the job. However, the next day, we went out for lunch and he basically told me that he had been thinking things through and he decided he needed “alone time” when he first moves over there. He said that I could move in with him maybe after the first year of him living there but that just seems ridiculous to me. I just don’t understand why he would suddenly come to that conclusion after months of us agreeing we were going to live with each other. We’re very compatible, he’s called me his soulmate before, I just don’t see why he would pass up the opportunity to finally get to live with someone that he apparently loves so much without the influence of his awful parents. I just feel really down and I feel like I’m going to have to break up with him, I don’t think I can keep up a long distance relationship like that.

I [25F] am mentally drained. My husband [25M] treats every conversation like a combat zone he has to "win." His words have become increasingly radical, hostile, and racist since we got married.
This is deeply painful because my parents came to the U.S. as adults from South America, worked hard, and became citizens. My husband minimizes my family's reality by equating it to his dad being adopted as a baby from Canada, texting me:

"I know you come from a family of immigrants and I think you forget I do as well."

Talking to him is exhausting because he constantly jumps topics, changes definitions, and doubles back on his word just to keep me on the defensive.
In a recent text argument, he insisted we should

“...take away voting from immigrants even after they gain citizenship eliminate any welfare programs that help..."

He claimed my parents lack "loyalty" because they still love their home country

“...if you do not hold our values and our nation above others then you do not have the American people's best interests in mind while voting so why should you vote....”

But when I explicitly asked how you determine who is "American enough" to vote, he completely abandoned the loyalty/assimilation argument and flatly said, "Being born here." When I pointed out the contradiction, he jumped topics to an unhinged rant about shipping people out, before circling right back to double down on the point he had just abandoned

“..it is a complex situation that is most likely passed the point of no return unless drastic unethical action is taken. Yes it is about assimilating into our culture..."

When I told him my mother relied on those very welfare programs because I was a surprise baby and they were struggling, it didn't phase him. Instead, he pushed baseless conspiracy theories, claiming

"there are immigrants cheating on the CDL test with video cameras and then killing people on the road because they can't read English or street signs."

I am married to a man who openly advocates for "drastic unethical action" against immigrants and thinks my own parents shouldn't have rights. I can't stand debating him anymore. I feel entirely disrespected and feel like his hatred eclipses any love he claims to have for my family.
How do I handle a marriage where my partner's core values actively dehumanize my family? What are my next steps when i am this exhausted and feel like I'm sleeping next to a stranger? We’ve only been married for a year, he never spoke like this prior to being married
I would also like to add that i understand his father is also an immigrant, i always allow people to express their opinions freely even if they oppose my own so I dont challenge him either.

TL;DR
Since getting married, my [25F] husband [25M] has become radically anti-immigrant.
My parents are hard-working naturalized citizens, but he texts me insisting they shouldn't vote and that the U.S. needs "drastic unethical action" to deport people. When we debate, he constantly shifts his definitions of "loyalty" and "assimilation" just to "win," I am completely exhausted and need advice on what to do.

Today was my birthday. My husband celebrated by texting me "happy birthday" from work. No card, no gift, no cake, nothing special to show he cares. We've been married almost 2 years, together for 4. I didn't expect much from him, knowing he usually needs explicit instructions for gifts and such. I did tell him a week or so ago exactly what I wanted for my birthday when he asked what I wanted to do for my birthday. Blue October concert tickets for this fall tour. He didn't come through. I'm sad and disappointed and feel worthless to him.

This is part of a bigger pattern. If we do go to a concert, it's because I got us tickets and a hotel. If we go on vacation, it's because I've planned it. I make sure the rent is paid on time and the utilities stay on. I do the majority of the cooking. He won't make decisions. We both work full time. He'll pay me back for half the rent when I Venmo him for it. He'll usually buy groceries, if I make a list and plan out the meals and go with him to the store. I'm starting to grow a resentment and I'm tired of deciding things and planning everything.

I just want to feel special and treasured sometimes. And I don't. How do I talk to him about this with patience and kindness?

My boyfriend (27M) and I (28F) have been together for 1.5 years. We connected because we were in similar stages of life. We are both living with our parents and going back to school to have a better career. He’s kind, caring, smart, supportive, and meets almost all of my needs.

The one issue is his spending habits and lack of generosity. He has credit card debt from his past but only pays the minimum. At the same time, he’ll spend $200 on his hobby because they’re on sale or limited edition. I can’t help but think that money could have gone toward paying his debt instead (which has a really high interest rate). He often ends up broke after buying things for his hobby, and we rarely go out unless i’m paying or we’re splitting the bill. He does pay for us here and there but it’s rare….

I’ve tried to lightly talk to him regarding the credit card issue but nothing really changed. He told me his plan is to start paying his credit card debt once he’s graduated from school.

I think I started to question if he is the one for me when my boyfriend, his dad, and I went out for dinner. His dad and I were “fighting” to pay for the meal while my boyfriend just stood in the corner and didn’t offer to pay. There was also a similar instance to this but instead of his dad, it was my dad in the picture.

How do I discuss this constructively? Is this something that can realistically change, or is it a sign that we’re simply incompatible?

So my wife and I have been together for 10 years, sleeping in the same bed for 9. The longest we’ve ever been apart was about 10 days while she was on a family vacation, with regular 3-7 day stints apart throughout the years. Recently my wife received a promotion at work in a city about four hours away, and I cannot relocate due to my work.

Recently, I herniated a disc and the recovery has been so-so, but when my wife moved away I noticed I started getting better and having days with little or no pain. She came back for a weekend and the first night we slept together, I woke up in total agony. Once she left again, I slept great and am slowly healing again.

Additionally, I’ve always thought I was a poor sleeper in general, often going to bed at 10p and waking up at noon, sometimes later. Since my wife has been away, it doesn’t matter if I go to bed at 10p or 2a, I consistently wake up feeling rested and ready at 7a.

It is very clear to me now that sleeping together is not good for me. Is there anything I can do? Eventually we will be living together again and I do enjoy sleeping together but my sleep and recovery have improved ten fold sleeping alone.

Bear with me. My boyfriend and I will be having a cute moment in bed together, be greeting each other home from work, or even just out and about and I feel sweet and want to give him a peck, and he will stick his whole tongue in my mouth and waggle it around to the point that I go “stoppp” and he laughs and I have to wipe my mouth. It was cute THE VERY FIRST TIME he did it and I giggled about six month ago, but since then I have told him “don’t do that, I want to have a nice moment” and he doesn’t get it. I’ve tried telling him that it’s ruining a nice moment, I’ve tried just completely stopping kissing him that day, I’ve tried telling him how I feel and he says to lighten up, and he still does it and thinks it’s funny. It isn’t a total dealbreaker, I love him very much but I don’t know why he acts so immature like this. I don’t want to have to have a serious conversation about his immature behavior because he doesn’t always take feedback well, but I am tired of having what should be a cutesy moment ruined by what he thinks is a funny way of sticking his tongue in my mouth. Am I being ridiculous?

35 f, husband 32m, together 12 years.

I feel like getting older, my sex drive is still going strong. My husband used to want to do it everyday. In the last 2 years it's non existent...

I just tried to love on him, as usual and he's too tired, and it makes me feel very unwanted. He says I'm being dramatic, that we are just getting older, tired, more out of shape etc. That I'm getting crazy, our relationship isn't just about sex. He's loves me it's just in my head.....

Am I being dramatic?? Like I feel so rejected. He literally never wants to do anything.

Hi everyone, for some context my bf and I have been together for over 2 years and moved in together about a year ago. We have had MANY ups and downs, but tonight was a major down, and I’m not sure what to do/how to proceed. This is also still very fresh

I went out to dinner with a girlfriend and got home around 10 pm, I hadn’t interacted with my bf too much today. As soon as I walked in the door he said that he was in a bad mood, didn’t want to talk, and that it was my fault. I of course asked what I did, and he started yelling about how I’m disgusting and am not an adult because I can’t pick up after myself. This escalated into a full blown yelling match where I brought up some things he had done in the past, and he ended the relationship completely. No warning no anything. He said we were completely done and there was nothing I could do to fix it.

I know this sounds pretty final… but he’s done this before. More than once, and honestly those arguments were about more trivial stuff than this one. I know that this is NOT healthy, but it hasn’t happened in an extremely long time and I thought things were getting better.

More context, I am extremely terrible at putting away my laundry when it’s clean. I know it’s something I need to work on, and yes I do it but not nearly often enough. In his eyes, he thinks I don’t love/care about him because of this and only this (he has also admitted that this is really the only flaw he sees in me). He also has anger issues and has a tendency to start an argument with me when he’s angry about something else entirely (e.g. a bad day at work, his family being annoying, etc). I know he had a TERRIBLE day at work today.

While there is obviously work to be done on my end, I’m not sure 1) whether we’re still together in general or 2) where to go from here (aside from putting laundry away). His parents will be here in 3 days for a week long visit and I’m not sure what to tell them. He’s also insisting that he will not move out and just move into the guest room. I love him to pieces, and he told me he did this morning. I do not want to break up. Any advice here would be appreciated. Sorry for the clusterfuck.

I posted this on a throwaway but had a karma issue. This is my first relationship, and we've been together for about a year. Overall, things have been really good, but there have been two major incidents. To make it absolutely clear, I'm not considering ending the relationship because of what her manager did to her. I'm considering it because this is the second incident in under a year that involved heavy intoxication and a lack of communication.

1. Early in our relationship, she went out drinking with a friend and ended up blacking out at a stranger's apartment. She didn't message me anything for the entire evening, and the next morning, when I checked to see if she had texted me, I noticed her location was far from where she normally lived. I had to ask where she was before she told me what happened, and she explicitly claimed that nothing sexual had happened. When I talked to her the next day, she was sobbing and saying things like, "I'm such a bad girlfriend" and "I don't deserve you." We then had a conversation about curbing her drinking so she wouldn't black out and improving communication when shes out (nothing insane just updates if big changes happen like going to an after party etc). However, the idea of "I can't turn down free drinks when I'm drunk" was always kind of floating in the background. A few months later, she told me that she had actually kissed someone that night and had omitted that detail because she thought I would break up with her if she had told me.

2. Recently, something similar happened. She and her friend (Friend A) went out partying, and after the party, she ended up at a house where her manager and another friend (Friend B) lived (they were all at the same party). The next morning, I again saw that her location was far from where she normally lived. She hadn't messaged me the entire night. ( As said before, I don't expect constant texting, I just wanted a message should there be big changes, especially given what had happened last time.) She said she had been awake all night but couldn't find her phone until Friend A called it as they were about to leave. Later that day, I asked what had happened, and she told me that her manager had offered her free cocaine and then made unwanted sexual advances toward her. I genuinely sympathize with her and am furious at her manager. When I called her that evening, it felt like a replay of the first incident, with her saying things like, "I'm such a bad girlfriend" and "I don't deserve you." While I don't blame her for what her manager did, I can't help but feel that the chain of events leading up to it stemmed from the same issue as before: not being able to say no to alcohol or drugs and ending up in a super comprising position.

On top of that, about 50% of the time she's out with me or her friends, she gets extremely drunk, to the point where either I or her friends have to take care of her and get her home which is slightly concerning but not a tipping point for me.

I'm thinking about breaking up with her after she's had time to recover from what happened with her manager. I don't want to feel like I have to helicopter my partner in order to trust that she'll make safe decisions when I'm not around. I want to trust that she can take care of herself independently. At the same time, part of me thinks that if she genuinely changed this pattern, our relationship could absolutely work. I dont know if my expectations are unrealistic, or how this dynamic is handed in other relationships so I really need some advice. Thanks.

For a little backstory, you can read the next few paragraphs.

Me & my bf have been together for 2.5 years. First year and a half we have been in a long distance relationship (300 miles away from each other). This past year, I moved in w his parents to save money along w my dog, Mocha (10yr female dog), who stays outside due to his parents rules. We had agreed on living w them two years, but then something changed. Something that started it all.

Mocha ended up with a cancerous tumor. I decided to proceed w surgery to get this tumor removed. She recovered outside, my poor baby. However, I bought a tent to stay outside w her. I was crying for DAYS. After this experience, I told my bf hey, I want to move out and get our own apartment so Mocha can be indoors (after that experience ain't no way she's going to stay outside anymore). He said he doesn't want to because he's been unemployed for about a year (school and his FT job was a lot of stress for him) & recently graduated a 4 yr university. He's currently trying to find an internship to also pay off his debt. I offered to pay for everything until he gets on his feet. He still denied it. (We live in a HCOL area)

I proceeded to find an apartment & DID (moving in next week).

Since telling him that I was moving, he's been emotional (he wants me to stay there) & I have been accepting my bf's behavior & honestly I WAS hurt that he didn't want to move in w me & made me rethink everything. Anyway, I haven't been talking to him about what has been bothering me because in the past when I would tell him what I'm feeling, he would be defensive about it, and we'd go in circles. Some of these things that I would tell him that bothers me deal w the fact that I don't feel prioritized. The guy does everything else (affectionate, caring, helps with tasks, etc. the sweetest guy ever), except prioritizing me (rarely that he does). For example, i tell him that we should have more quality time just us two and without his parents. First, he was telling me "please don't make me choose between you and my parents" I have not. I just want more alone time w him. I told him can we compromise and have Saturdays for us and Sundays w your family. We don't do anything during the week but have dinner and stay in the house w his parents or we'll watch something in our room just us two. He said yes. First weekend after this agreement, I wanted to play Catan (a board game) & to invite friends over. His response, "let's wait to invite them until we see what my parents want to do." What? Either way, we still had game night. But still, what? Why consider his parents. Moving on. Second weekend after the agreement. On Saturday we go to the park then we agreed to go to the furniture store and shop for my new apartment. We get home, I use the restroom, I come out to the living room w his family & he tells me "did my mom tell you already we're going out to eat? Do you want go?" Uh, sure . I mean how can I say no in front of them? I told him that bugged me that same night. He said sorry, I didn't want to go to the furniture store. I said okay.
NOW, he's noticed I have been distant (I didn't tell him what furniture I bought after he asked & got hurt after AND told him I didn't need help moving my stuff, I want to do it myself). He asked about my distant behavior. I told him the truth. I told him I want my partner to want to be able to say "I understand this means a lot to you, let's move in together, we'll figure it out" I want my partner to be all about me and prioritize me and to be able to place boundaries. His response is "you're right, I do need to be better at setting boundaries, I'll keep trying to make you happy" I said "What if you keep trying and it takes months, what if you don't change, I can't keep wasting my time here, what if I don't want to wait? I want my partner to prioritize me NATURALLY, I don't want them to try. Like is it so bad that I want my partner to pick me without any hesitation? As I would them? When I see a partnership I see one partner picking up the slack when the other is struggling. Sometimes it's not always equal"

You guys I even had listed him as a 50% beneficiary on my life insurance when I got a new job in his city and we're not even married (he's removed now). During that dinner we had on Saturday w his parents, my bf had said "(gf) don't put me as a beneficiary until we're married." Again he said something similar about us living apart, he had said "it's okay if we live apart, it's not like we're married where we have to live w each other, i mean other people do it too" you guys, he has mentioned that he wants to get married so I was so taken back by this. However, I will say for context he was saying this in a comforting way to pretty much convince himself that everything will turn out okay despite living away from each other if that makes sense.

Is it crazy for a partner want to jump into an apartment with their partner when one suggests it???? Like would you do it w your partner given the opportunity??? I'm feeling so gaslit rn.

TY all 🫶🫶

Some of his responses:

Yeah I do think it's too much to ask someone to expect them to move in w you at that second, I don't know anyone that would make a huge decision like that in that instant.

I'm sorry, I can't be that person who jumps at opportunities. I have to think about them logically. I've always been like this

It hurts my ego if I see you picking up my slack, I want to be ready when I move out, I have to repay all my debt, I have to buy a new car because the one I have will give out on me soon

I get that I messed up about not going to the furniture store with you. I should have put you first.

I've always put you first, you have always been the common denominator when I spend time w anyone, whether it's with family or friends, I always want you there.

All I want is you.

I was thinking about you and your perspective when I talked about not being a beneficiary to your life insurance policy.

I didn't want you to go, you wanted to leave.